X-Files 8.14 "This Is Not Happening."

Not only was that stupid line used to open and close the episode as though
it were somehow powerful (it isn't) but its also, ironically enough, the
title of this episode. How fitting, as I was thinking it so often.

This is not happening. One of my favorite shows ever--scratch that. DO I
own EVERY EPISODE OF ANY OTHER SHOW? Well, Freaks and Geeks, but since it
didn't even make a whole season, it sadly wasn't that hard. It's safe to
say that I have never cared as deeply for any other nighttime television
show than X-Files (soaps are different, the every day all year thing). To
watch it become dreadful is so painful.

Several of you wrote me last week to speculate that it is now August or
September 2000--that we didn't skip the summer, that things are moving more
slowly than I thought. That would make the "Survivor 2" line that made me
so sure it was February an annoying continuity error to be sure, but not
nearly as annoying as having Scully be 10 month pregnant, so I'll go with
that until proved otherwise. Hell, both Scully and Mulder's family
histories have been messed up the show (Mulder's father saying he had kids
in fifties flashback episode, despite Mulder and Samantha being born in the
sixties, Scully's mom saying Bill Sr. proposed after "the Cuban blockade"
in October 1962, yet Scully has two older siblings and she was born in
February 64. happy 37th birthday Dana, btw) Morgan and Wong also really
messed with Mulder's dad's and cancerman's history in "Cigarette Smoking
Man" but I always took that with a grain of salt as it was Frohike
speculating about what happened--a sort of Oliver Stone take on history.

So, fine lets say its late August, early September. Its not our worst
problem.

Fox billed this as the television event of the season, and its utter
banality, the fact that it was so freaking boring shows that they don't
know what they're doing anymore. The show finally looks like it was
created from some guy that writes for a surfing magazine.

Why is Scully pregnant? I mean, we lose Mulder, and, instead of maximizing
Scully, we hardly see her at all--certainly none of the internal conflict
we care about. Did Carter really believe he had to knock up Sculy in order
for us to believe she'd be that invested in finding Mulder? Or so he could
have some gross-out alien baby horror ala the (unavoidably) oft-mentioned
"V" miniseries? Scully is so removed from the canvas already, you can FEEL
Carter hedging his bets, not knowing whether Gillian will be back next
year, or if the show will (Please please quit), Afraid to invest to much
time to character who might be leaving, he's not even using her as a
bridge between the "old" show and the "new" show---John Wayne "by the book,
ma'am" Doggett and Monica "New Age bullhonkey" Reyes (she's not Hispanic,
but she plays it on TV).

Opening: Why would a UFO nut like that, who plasters his room with oodles
of photos, use a disposable camera? "This is not happening." I thought
that was an allusion to the BRILLIANT "Jose Chung" episode, where several
characters say the line throughout. So,, it came off to me like kind of a
punchline. But whatever. It's stupid UFO guy not...Scully, right?

Dogg fondles Mulder's SACRED NAMEPLATE, which Carter and co. seem to thing
is symbolic of so very much more than THEIR DECIDING to mention Mulder on
any given week, before they toss him back into a desk drawer and chase
monsters. Why would Scully chase monsters if she thought Mulder was alive?
Still don't get that one. An UNBELIEVABLE amount of "meaningful looks"
are exchanged in the beginning of this one, rather than any meaningful
dialogue. Gilligan and Shiban are writing "Lone Gunmen," Darin Morgan went
into hiding it would seem, Morgan and Wong are on the outs with Carter,
Gansa is...at Dawson's Creek still? And I don't know where Howard Gordan
is? Hell, pay Duchovney to do it Carter! Ugh! That batch of scenes where
Scully wants to know what's up and Dogg wants Skinner to tell her and he
doesn't know quite what to tell her *meaningful look* take Scully
*meaningful look* take Dogg *meaningfu--for crying out loud!

Since we have not seen Scully's mom, and I saw her in the Sweeps promos, I
have the sinking feeling they filmed scenes with her and cut them. :(

Big problem with this episode is there's no credible source of information.
Cancerman's gone, the whole conspiracy's gone--Marita and Krycek are MIA.
So, I'm wondering why the injuries to these abductees are SOOOOO horrific
(besides Carter being a sick bastard) and no one's speculating. When
Scully was dealing with her cancer, we learned that she didn't remember the
procedures, but other abductees did and it was painful, but not anything
like this, which Scully alludes too. SO, what's up with that? Are these
different aliens? or is it the fact that there's no conspiracy keeping them
in line? That'd be interesting, but no one's talking about any of that.
Carter probably doesn't know. Again, he's hedging, he doesn't want to
commit to anything or say anything concrete in case he needs it for a movie
or a ninth season. Carter only had five years planned (the show almost
didn't survive to two) and ever since the movie he's been sitting on a
locomotive train laying down track seconds before the train gets there.
And it isn't working.

Liked Skinner comforting Dana (wish it was momma Scully but, dream on).
But...why was Skinner there? What does he really do except remind us that
he saw a space ship? Gillian was great in this episode (until the end).
Saw her in "House of mirth" this weekend--she was AMAZING. It's a good
movie but there is very little mirth (Edith Wharton, c'mon). I've wanted
to give her hug all weekend, poor girl.

What was with the NIKE product placement?

When Scully gets mad at Dogg and he laughed at her--what was THAT about?
how was that appropriate to the situation? This whole episode felt like
it was done in one take, especially when we meet Annabeth Gish (no relation
to famous Gish's) as Monica Reyes--a woman who Carter is touting as the
possible future of the franchise. She was okay, she's a good actress, but
a new age "sensitive to the vibrations of the universe" agent doesn't
interest me one bit. She was nervous, but too smiley, like she didn't get
the gravity of the situation, or maybe that was nervous smiling, I dunno.
Scully is irritated by the VERY SUGGESTION that Mulder's disappearance is
the result of anything else BUT an ALIEN ABDUCTION. Why?? Again, this is
a woman who laughed off UFO's for seven years despite Mulder's belief that
his sister was taken by aliens, despite Mulder's assertion that he'd seen
UFO's despite her OWN eye-witness viewing (aliens in Paper clip, UFO in the
movie). But Skinner sees one and she has to yell at anyone who refuses to
believe what she would have called nonsense a few years (or even months)
ago? She stomped off in a huff A LOT in this one.

In the "one take" department, she storms off and Dogg follows, miffed that
she doesn't think the world kooky Agt. Reyes (she SMOKES! she SWEARS! she
SMILES! ain't she neat?) the sun is in the camera, almost completely
obscuring both actors for most of the scene. Then Gillian MISSES HER MARK
and has to back up the hill a step or two so she's not too short for the
close up. Just shoot it again. That'd probably cost you a half-grade
deduction at Long Beach State, Chris. And wherever you matriculated, Kim
Manners. "Enjoy your new company!!" Scully spits at
Dogg--inexplicably...jealous? Or something? Scully is such a bitch to
Dogg, and I dodn't really know why. Mulder was confiding in the pilot, why
haven't these two--we're more than halfway in to the season--gotten to know
one another? At least he seems to care about her, but I'm not sure it
anything beyond chivalry at this point.

Scully learns Agt. Monica is more like "Agent Moonbeam," and open to the
idea that Mulder was alien abducted but still things its some sort of
ritualistic cult thing, she smiles. "Moonbeam and Dogg," She's OUT THERE,
he's BY THE BOOK imagine the wacky possibilities! Coming this fall to Fox!

Reyes finds a dead abductee, the friend of the UFO nut from the opening
scene, both of them had been in Oregon in the finale. scully gets all
choked up, but is peeved when this guy gets upset over his dead maimed
friend and rudely tells him to leave "Your dead friend is merely a metaphor
for my fears about what has happened to Mulder, so can you get the hell out
of here so I can cry and then do an autopsy??" Very un-Scully.

"I sense your fear"--Agt. Reyes actually says this to Dogg, like she's
freaking Counselor Troi from Star Trek with empathic powers. This is not
happening.

We learn that Moonbeam was an agent who helped find Dogg's son after he was
kidnapped and murdered--we don't know how long ago (not too long ago as
Moonbeam is late 20's early thirties) and he fears Scully is setting
herself for false hope thinking Mulder's alive and not murdered. As far as
we know, Scully doesn't know any of Dogg's family tragedies, which seems
odd. Of course, Carter doesn't know the difference between teasing and
antagonizing, building interest and building resentment. Maybe they had an
intense and moving discussion about his son off camera, that'd make sense.

Didn't the picture of Mulder Scully showed to the cult leader look like she
tore it out of "Tiger Beat"? Is Justin Timberlake on the other side?

Nice to see Jeremiah Smith, the healing guy, but wasn't the shoe shot
stupid? When Scully picks the guy she THINKS (??moonbeam moment?) is
Smith, they pan down ominously to show us the WHITE NIKES! PROVING IT IS
SMITH! Wouldn't it have been a cooler scene if we weren't sure if Scully
was off her rocker a bit, hissing at the guy that she knows he's Smith and
THEN he reveals himself? The answer is yes.

Then, Skinner comes in and KNOWING THEY'VE FOUND MULDER'S DEAD BODY LYING
IN A FIELD, tells her *meaningful look* that she needs to come with them,
and doesn't tell her he's dead? Doesn't break the news or take her away or
anything? That was just horrible. then Scully runs back to get Smith who
gets abducted by the bad aliens--scully, runs into the house as it's
getting probed--having no fear for her unborn child THIS week, says "This
is NOT happening" the way I did when I lost my damn CHECKBOOK, not my
soulmate, drops to her knees and says "NOOOOooooooooooooo!" in a really
weak scene that's like a parody of "you killed my partner" scenes from
really bad movies" ala the (intentionally hilarious) one Matt LeBlanc does
in "Charley's Angels." Really should have had her do another one, Kim. I
saw her give an Oscar-worthy ( a curse on you, Joan Allen) performance over
the weekend, she's won an emmy, she can do better than that.

And, that's it until April 1st. where, you can be sure, the joke will
continue to be on us, the fools still watching this once great, now lame
show. They leave us with Mulder's dead maimed body in a field, and then
the teaser for next week is "Join us for those WACKY Lone Gunmen, its gonna
be a HOOT! We sure don't give a crap about Mulder, why should you?"

Why indeed? I will see what Gunmen is about, trying not to let my disdain
for Carter--who might just be a one-hit wonder, judging from his track
record. Still such an ego--his face is all over the X-Files website when I
go to get episode titles, he's doing television interviews for "Lone
Gunmen" and it baffles me. I mean, think about it, does Aaron Spelling go
on Letterman? Have you ever seen Stephen Cannell or Don Bellasario or
Marcy Carsey on Leno? And those are people that have had WAY more than one
hit show. Carter, get over yourself. Quick.

Anyway, don't know if you'll get a "Lone Gunmen" review, though I might
have to because I love holding you all hostage to my opinions. If you
aren't getting my "Survivor" thoughts and want to, let me know but be
advised I LOVE SURVIVOR and don't want to hear from you if you're a
non-believer.

Regardless, I may send out a short dispatch next week in honor of my 30th
birthday on March 8th (hint hint, like last year, I don't need the gifts
but I LOOOOOOOVE the attention :D ). Feel free to make the "old" jokes,
but I'm fairly immune to them as I don't feel "behind schedule" in any way
nor am I very grown-up. What do I have planned for the big day? Are you
kidding, its THURSDAY--I gotta watch "Survivor"!

Have a great week X-Files free March. Christine :)

Survivor 2.5

Not a whole lot of surprise, was there? I mean, If you're annoying and
judgmental...you probably shouldn't stink too. Kimmi's parting words
about 'sticking to her morals" was so not the point. No one wanted you to
comprise your beliefs, no one wanted you to eat meat. They just wanted
you to SHUT UP ABOUT IT!! In a related note, Did you all see the CBS press
release regarding PETA's claim that the killing of the pig was for
entertainment purposes? CBS: "We firmly believe that our viewers
recognize fishing and hunting as a means of sustenance have been acceptable since
the dawn of time." I love it. I love animals, by the way, but I also like
to eat some of them.

Amber and jerri were so lame whispering that "Tina and Keith have totally
grouped together." DUH!
Line of the week: Colby: "Jerri, I just don't care!" I want that on a
T-shirt. Colby would later lose points for referring to himself in the
third person as "The Colbster." Boys, I swear. Just when you're
impressed by their leadership skills they go and do something dorky.
But cute is cute and Colby is cute.

Jen quote "the only thing Jerri's good at is making alliances." She
makes a damn good travois, to hear her tell it, Jen, you better back off!

Don't bond with the livestock, Kimmi. I grew up in the suburbs, but I've
seen enough movies ABOUT farmers to know you don't start naming the
barnyard animals unless you've got a magic spider and some terrific,
radiant humble pig.

Mad Mike gains major points for trying to steer Kimmi to better behavior,
less ranting, more bathing but kimmi will have none of it. Kimmi:"I'm
going over here to be the odd man out, don't mind me! Just murder and
feed off my friends while I go cry!" Everyone else: "Is Kimmi spelled with a
"y" or with an "I"?

Ogakor basks in their loserdum and hunger. Jerri: "Kucha's eating
chickens and pigs. I'm a demon from hell and usually feed on the rotting corpses
of the damned, but I gotta admit, it bothers me. My kick ass tortillas
aren't cutting it anymore."

Alicia and Kimmi--Alicia will, I think, soon be on my bad list because
Jeff is her friend (he's just a mean jerk) and I like the rest of the tribe.
But watching her get in Kimmi's face was great. it was like a Fox
special: "When New Yorkers collide!" The thing I love about reality TV is seeing
how people perceive themselves. Real World, Survivor, whatever. Kimmi
said she hadn't bonded with the chickens even though we saw her. Alicia
thought she was calm about the whole thing. Fascinating to see
objectivity on tape (masterfully-edited objectivity, I'll admit) and then
subjectivityas they explain what we saw. Loved Elisabeth: "Alicia is in charge of
telling people what to do and talking trash about people."
Kimmi: "I love animals but nature is sooooooooo gross!" kimmi should
have learned the Rudy lesson. What a turning point it was in season one when
Rudy acknowledged to the cameras that he didn't fit in but "I've gotta
change--there's more of them than there is of me" And he toned it down
and he got to the Final Four.

The Travois: Even Elisabeth is boasting. but I wanted them to get the
blankets and I wanted Jerri to lose. She just doesn't get it. They
don't want to listen to you, they don't WANT you to be right. If I were on her
damned travois being carried over a pile of crocodiles I;d want the thing
to break just because Jerri made it and said it wouldn't break, I really
would. I'd yell "In your face, Jerri!", as the crocodiles chomped on my
legs. Felt bad for Amber though, and was glad Ogakor pulled it together
for the immunity challenge.

For some strange reason, I think I'm going to buy some towels and
toothpaste at Target this weekend...This may sound silly, but we didn't
have Target in the Bay Area when I was a kid, and when I was around 10 we
went to visit my grandparents in St. Louis and my grandma took us to
Target and it seemed so exotic to me, such a new experience. Same with White
Castle hamburgers.

Jeff (pulling the wings off a butterfly) "I don't mean to sound evil but
I want to march on over to ogakor, murder them one by one as they beg for
mercy and drink their blood, Okay? It's a GAME!" I'll bet he's just as
obnoxious when he cheats his six-year-old nephew at checkers.
Ogakor showed they had mental toughness, and kucha deserved to be taken
down a peg. Ogakor needs to lose Jerri, and Kucha needs to get rid of
Jeff and/or Alicia, and I'll be cool. Jeff and Jerri are the only ones I
really hate and if they were to join forces..."TONIGHT THE WB PRESENTS AN
ALL-NEW BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER EVENT..." Shudder.
they need Buffy out there, with her luxury item: "I decided to bring my
favorite stake, Mr. Pointy, so I can vanquish Jerri back to the underworld."

Liked the editing that TRIED to make it seem like Kimmi wasn't getting
the boot. Liked that Elisabeth, Rodger and Michael might get rid of Alicia
or Jeff. That'd be awesome.

Nick....Uh...Sorry, I got nothing.

Love when they try to lie to Jeff and each other 'I'm not a leader,
you're a leader!" "No, well, we're ALL leaders!" Whatever. I love Jeff so
much. When he makes his appearance every week its such a comfort. I love how
he says "Tally the votes." I read he's married--they should fly his wife out
and one of the reward challenges later on could be to have a brew with
Jeff and his wife, that'd be sweet.

Next week: DRAMA!!!!!!! I won't speculate as it looks really scary.

X-files 8.13 "Per Manum" Is one of us supposed to be A DOGG in this scenario?

Yes friends, we're supposed to be John Doggett. His anger and frustration
over being kept in the dark by Skinner and Scully mirrors our anger and
frustration over being deceived and manipulated by Chris Carter and Frank
Spotnitz. I'm almost as incredulous as Meg Ryan in "When Harry met Sally"
when Billy Crystal tries to use a dog analogy to describe her.

I still am not sure what happened and when. For those who didn't watch, it
wouldn't have helped much. My review makes no sense either.

Scully is pregnant. "14 weeks." Meaning...3 and a half months. So...I'm
guessing she miscarried, then gave invitro fertilization ANOTHER TRY.
Whatever. Why she would try again NOW when she's determined to find mulder
and is really stressed out and getting beat up as usual makes no real sense
to me but neither does her ONLY being 14 months pregnant at this point any
other way.

Here's what we now know.

In flashback, we see Scully tell mulder that she has learned she can never
have children. Then he tell her he's known that for awhile and that he
actually knows why. the govt. (or someone) harvested her ova and he
recovered it, but had it tested and discovered it was unviable. She's
understandably ticked, and says she wants a second opinion. This flashback
had to be around early season 5--Scully Christmas episodes: in those
episodes we learned that Scully DID know she was barren, but that mulder
didn't tell her about the eggs. Here, he justifies that decision by saying
she was sick and he didn't see the point of giving her more bad news.

Gillian was wonderful throughout, by the way. In a lot of emotional pain
but holding in and suffering in silence and isolation as our Dana is prone
to do.

But, I have major problems with this whole thing. Scully gets a second
opinion about her ova and is told they ARE viable (which makes very little
sense to me since we saw Mulder put them in his pocket long ago, and I
thought they had to stay really really frozen at all times. Even a brief
unfrozen time would kill them, I thought. But, whatever, and Scully's new
doctor tells her all they need is a father. A sperm donor. She asks
mulder, he agrees.

I'm certain the PRIMARY reason Carter chose this twist was because so few
people would see it coming (if you claim you did, you're SOOOOO lying). It
makes so little sense to me. From a Scully sense, yes, if you remember the
Emily plotline, where she just watched her hybrid daughter die and had
determined to adopt her etc. She was in a fragile state and I buy her
being desperate to conceive at that point. But the idea that she asked
Mulder (even with flashbacks, they don't give us this critical scene, only
his later agreement) to donate his sperm and she tried in vitro
fertilization and it didn't work, we see her fall into his arms and their
shared grief--its all very moving but all it tells me is Carter and co.
have been lying to us EVEN LONGER than just this last year. For the last
three years something MAJOR happened between these two that we didn't see.
Not that this had actually even been conceived of (parted the pun) even
last summer probably, but its still nonsensical revisionism of history and
of character.

Agreeing to and attempting to make a baby together, to bring a life into
the world that's half him and half her is REALLY IMPORTANT. As important
as the sex they still may or may not have had.

But, if this failed attempted at pregnancy was several years ago (as it
would seem) they still could have made the baby Scully was pregnant with in
May the old fashioned way, but it seems almost certainly that Scully lost
that baby if she's only three months pregnant now. her conversation with
the other pregnant woman, where this woman confides that she couldn't have
conceived the baby naturally implied that Scully can't do the math either,
that the baby really is "miraculous," that her words to Skinner at the end
of season 7 "I'm not even sure how..." were true, that Mulder's coda line
about not giving up on a miracle mean that this is no ordinary baby.
Let's all hope they don't try to blaspheme any of our respective religions
by taking this in a non-alien non-human direction.

Dogg spends the whole episode pouting that he's out of loop, but comes
through to save Scully in the end. he's supportive of her when he learns
she's pregnant but doesn't put much stock in her talk of government cover
up and alien babies. Scully seems as uncertain as WE about how and why
she's pregnant now. O......kay. Since, apparently, every single OBGYN in
America if not the World is in on the cover-up, there is no way for Scully
to tell if what's in her womb is alien or not--makes no sense at all to me,
but Arrgggh! Whatever! She tells Dogg she didn't reveal her pregnancy(s?)
to him for fear of the FBI and him stopping her from looking for
Mulder--like either of them have even been trying!

The whole thing with Haskell, who seems like a UFO nut but is maybe a
government operative isn't worth going into --who cares? I don't care
about Dogg learning any of this stuff, I really and truly don't.

Oh, we do learn Dogg drives a Big ol chevy truck. Man, he gets more
interesting every episode! Why don't they tell us about his wife or kid(s)
dead missing or otherwise? THAT would make him human to me, at least.

Seems like, if Scully had an alien baby, and these bad guys new she was
going to keep trying to get at the truth, they'd abduct her again or make
her lose the baby or SOMETHING. Instead, after mulder's "return' next week
(we'll see), I'm sure we'll have some stand alone episodes exploring the
paranormal with no real mention of any of this. then, we take a break for
"the Lone Gunmen" borrowing X-Files timeslot--what a relief.

Please David and Gillian, walk away after this year? Like you should have
after Season six? You've got enough money and I'd really appreciate it.
Christine :(

Survivor 2.4

SURVIVOR!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!

Loved the turnabout in this one. Colby snapped out of it! Keith is
now my hero as he's devoted to making sure Jerri doesn't win, LOL. Loved
it. Loved how they picked Mitch KNOWING that a tie would ultimately
result in his being booted. Mitch/Amber/Jerri are so the group
I hung out with in Junior High, till I was voted out. The type of people
who cry when high school is over because they'll never feel that
important again? It's petty, but I still love seeing those types on the receiving end.
Tina and Keith showed themselves to be Survivors. They didn't roll
over, they fought, and used Jerri's arrogance against her--she never saw it
coming. bragging, laughing about her stupid remarks at tribal council,
MARVELING at Colby's "strength" when he manages to resist her, good gravy.
Colby would be my most likely to lose the million dollars by helping his loser
friends start a lame business or what not, you know? And you'd tell him
to get out, they're taking advantage, get his money back but bless his heart,
he'd say "no way, they're my buddies!' Still, he showed some backbone, maybe there's
hope. Loved his "puppet master" crack. Mitch, so stupid. Doesn't realize he's siding with weakness till its too late. Interesting to see how Amber reacts to the power shift.
Jerri, too, hee hee hee. Mitch's parting words were so telling, he can dish it out,
but he can't take it. He expects loyalty? Puhleeze. And its not like he
gave an impassioned plea or a rousing speech. "My body IS cannibalizing
itself so I can live, maybe you should dump me.."

Still wonder if Ogakor can stop skidding. Jen commented that all
they seem to think about is who's next? they can't wait to decimate their own tribe,
you know? they aren't focused on winning.

Most importantly, kucha's eating. Meat. It's like a PSA for Meat,
LOL. Meat make you strong. Crush enemies. Taste Good.

Had no problem with the pig scene. I'm sure I'd be grossed out if I
were there but I'd rise above for the sake of precious bacon. I saw this
bit on one of the morning news programs about product placement on Survivor,
even unintentional things like like Tina's Doritos comment (that the show
decided to keep in) and Reebok etc. With all the positive press that chicken
and pork is getting, i thing the beef people should drop a cow out
there for some equal time.

Thought of the "Little Red Hen" a little too. When Jeff and Liz and
Alicia wanted pork, Mike should have said: "but where were you when I chased
the pig? Cornered the pig? Where were you when I slit the pig's throat?
Eviscerated and de-sanguinated the pig?"
Milestone: Nick was useful for the very first time in helping Mike in the
hunt, and Rodger helped with the gutting. The rest were like,
EWWWWWWWWW,
and then MMMMMMMMMMMMMM, no work in between.
Still have Michael issues, but if I were in Kucha, I'd keep him
around for the food, I'll own that. I'd be oblivious to his whole plot to
murder the chickens so I'd be desperate for his fish. WHAT was that about???
Like that wouldn't REALLY PISS EVERYONE OFF? Like no one would suspect it
was knife-boy? Not the sharpest tool in the drawer, our Mad Mike. His
"confessionals" are so revealing--he worries about not being in "the
limelight." He's pretending that he's worried about being voted off,
when really he desperately needs to be the alpha male. "Now that the
chickens are here, it's not all about me and my penis, that's certainly a
concern. Better go kill something." Yet in such a primal setting, I admit the
bacon would buy a little loyalty from me.
Kimmi should be on Temptation island, as all she has to offer is
backrub bribery. What a moron. She has a right to her beliefs, and hey, if
she were SMART, she'd make a point of "more meat for the rest of you!
I'll sit over here and eat my rice, mmmmm."
Kimmi doesn't grasp the math, does she? She's on a show where people
vote you out when they don't care for you, and she's going around saying
"What's the matter with you people?" Yes Kimmi, what IS the matter with
those six people, as opposed to little annoying useless little you? Can't wait
to see Alicia go all "Jerry Springer" on her next week!

Christine :)

PS: is desanguinated a word? I know its CLOSE to a real word...

X-Files 8.12 "Medusa" Tune in Next week, prodigals (and oh yeah, this week sucked)

For those of you who haven't been watching, next week is time to start up
again. Not that it'll redeem the show, but the previews indicate the show
will choose to fill in the blanks on that day--It's flashbacks kids. They
are, as speculated, going to confirm that there's been this very compelling
story going on off camera--Scully gets knocked up, Scully has a
miscarriage/abortion (previews indicate her fear of having a "V" like
delivery) etc. etc.

And Carter is now ready to REVEAL everything that was going on underneath
those meaningful looks and vague dialogue. I'm certain he thinks this is
BRILLIANT! But let's call it what is: bad FanFic. You know, where some
fan writes a story about what was "really going on" in some episode where
nothing was really going on? But the way they looked at each other...yada
yada yada. Carter has yada yada yada'd the story, the drama and the
character development. But, next week Mulder and Scully--for real. Angst.
Romance? Mystery? We'll see.

This week's episode was a puree of sci-fi/horror/action clichйs all blended
into one inconsequential dish. Dogg and Dana investigate a "contagion"
that's eating people in the subways of Boston--The MTA. "Well did he ever
return, no he never returned and his fate is still unknown. He may ride
forever 'neath the streets of Boston, he's the man who never returned."
Kingston Trio, anyone? Anyone? Nevermind. Shot in the LA
Subway--probably no need to shut it down to catch it empty enough to film.
We know its Boston because the one main "villain" has a BAW-STOHN accent.
A really really bad JFK impression--ala Mayor Quimby on the "Simpsons."
His accent makes up for the fact that he's naturally the ONLY guy in the
show with the accent, except Dogg, whose bad NYC accent veered into bad
Boston for a time, seemed to me. He's got all the other characters
covered, apparently.

A bunch of stuff happens, and this one guy keeps questioning Scully's
guts/credentials/authority to Dogg and he keeps defending her, and this is
supposed to make us LIKE him. Then, Dog gets beat up by this same jerk, but
when the guy needs his help, Dogg won't leave him behind. This is supposed
to make us LOVE him. THEN he singlehandedly saves a trainload of innocent
commuters, nearly dying in the process. This is supposed to make us
renounce God and build temples and shrines in honor of the GREAT John Wayne
Doggett (I made up the Wayne part, btw, but don't be surprised if that
turns out to be true.) There was this whole half-brained "theme" of
chauvinism running through the show, where it was clear that Dana was in
charge, but many of the men weren't taking her seriously. She yelled a
lot, so that sure showed them who's boss! They even had a female Marine
Biologist assume that Agent Dana Scully is a man. Uh, whatever.

Then Scully comes by the hospital, where Dogg's ranting for his nurse,
wanting to walk out of the hospital like every tough guy always does
because medicine is for sissies, and Scully is amused by Dogg's
embarrassment about his revealing gown (the only clichй that worked--it was
actually cute. Not Dogg's ass, but the two of them). Then Scully tries to
tell him SOMETHING, that's she grateful for SOMETHING, but then gets all
weird and he knows something was left unsaid and he's weird. We're
supposed to feel that they are partners, that they care but can't Quite
express that to the other, I guess, but the writers haven't done any of the
work they needed to in order to have us feel invested in their
relationship. They've been partners now for eight or nine months! And,
again, the whole "Agent Scully this," and Agent Dogett that" is just
stupid. It's be Dana and John by now, right? As for everything I left out
here goes:

Recipe for a stock genre script: Add:

Assorted "good guys" who meet and share in darkly humored banter as they
suit up to confront an unknown "contagion" or "creature." Like in Aliens
when the marines are enroute to the colony, for example).

A politician of some sort (quimby) who is determined to keep the trains
running, no matter what these people tell him. Like in Jaws when they open
the Beach, for example).

Have one of the heroes stay behind but maintain radio and or visual contact
with the group.

Have one or more of the members attacked, then have members turn on each
other.

Hero saves the day--with the help of a mysterious mythical little boy (Did
ANYONE get THAT at all? Who the hell was he? was he an angel? Was he a
homeless kid? Was he real at all???? Never remotely explained. He's
there so that Scully can make the sweat-connection (don't ask), but we
never do learn what happens to him. Whatever!)

Insert the following dialogue (I'm not making ANY of these up, folks)

"That tunnel doesn't go anywhere. It's been shut down for years."

"Let's get out of here!" "Something just moved!" "Somebody's down here!"
"What are you seeing?" "Talk to me!" "I wonder why she sent you down here
while she's up there?" "Watch yourself." "You are way out of line here!"
"I'm getting out of here!" "HEY SOMEBODY!?" "My partner is down there!"
"I'm starting to fear the worst." "I can't do dat, we gotta stop dis ting!"
"Possible outbreak situation." "We're running out of time!" "Get out of
there!!" "Can you here me!? I've lost you!"

"Let's go home."

THE END. Again, written by Story Editor Frank Spotnitz--should have farmed
this one out, buddy. I know all your good scriptwriters are working on
"The Lone Gunmen," the Future of ten thirteen and perhaps Fox Television
(hee hee), but, come on. Go over to Hollywood Squares and get Bruce
Villanch to sell you a couple original lines, he'd do it.

A few random dialogue moments: the 'Survivor 2" crack that the CDC doctor
makes is 1) useful in confirming that it's late Jan/early Feb 2001,
therefor Scully would be nine months pregnant now, and thus, lost the baby.
2) stupid, in that no real person would call it SURVIVOR 2. What are we
watching, X-Files 8?

Scully says (I re-wound to make sure): "Not a criminal charge would stick."
Aren't we missing a word there?

Okay, I'm done.

Oscar nominations this Tuesday. Happy Valentines Day, valentines! It's a
good excuse to eat candy, at any rate.

Christine :)

Survivor 2.3 (my very first Survivor Review)

Hard to find anyone to root for, isn't it? Rodger and Elizabeth are
sitting ducks in Kucha, with Jeff and Alicia plotting. Alicia loses
points for siding with Jeff, but what are her options? Aw hell, i'm making
excuses. Michael continues to be Survivor's answer to Ted Nugent--when
they showed those scenes of him gleefully smearing blood on his face from his
mystery "kill," Jen called me and said, "I hope it's Kimmi."

Still, that's the group you have to look for cuz Ogakor is going DOWN.
No leadership, no direction. They're all compromising WAY TO EASY. Like
Tina, man, that's two "friends" in a row she's shafted. They all REALLY
LIKED MARILYN, and chef keith is right, she could really come in handy
down the road. Why NOT get rid of people like Jerri (this season's Stacy) who
CAUSE DISSENTION? But noooo, the young turkey's are sticking together
cuz they're all so pretty. I liked when Keith said that thing about Colby
being in a fog with Jerri, that boy needs to snap out of it. I just
don't see winners in that tribe. Of course, everything can change in a
heartbeat, but I see them freefalling, esp,. if they continue to vote off
by age (The Logan's Run tribe). Obviously the twentysomethings are going
to vote off keith, then tina unless a major conflict happens, like maybe
Jerri being REALLY Jerri. *fingers crossed*

Christine :)

X-Files 8.11 "The Gift" If you can't say anything nice...

Well...I can't imagine myself not saying anything AT ALL, can you? But I'm
certainly not going to waste much of our time. For those who had an hour
of their lives stolen on Sunday, I'm sure you'll appreciate my concern. I
watched it on tape, so I only lost, what, 45 minutes?

For those who missed it, here's all you need to know. Scully wasn't in it.
Mulder was--in flashback with almost no dialogue (he still got star
billing). DON'T THINK about how much David was paid for deigning to appear,
especially since you may be looking at your W-2 forms right around now.

The X-file involved Doggett and Skinner investigating a case Mulder worked
a week or so before his disappearance in which he falsified records and
(presumably) signed Scully's name to said fake documents. Skinner yells at
Dogg and accuses him of wanting to pin a murder rap on mulder so he can get
on the fast track to the directorship (huh?). Dogg takes it all in stride
and goes believer all of the sudden to solve the case.

Oh, yeah, and it was about a monster that eats sick people alive and then,
having absorbed their illness, VOMITS THEM BACK UP. Then they are OK,
having re-formed back into people through...Oh, hmmm. They never explained
that.

Yet another depressing and icky (they keep getting more and more
disgusting) affair for season eight. Yet another disjointed muddled mess
from our STORY EDITOR Frank Spotnitz, that's encouraging. Of course, the
lone gunmen were here for no real reason except to pimp their upcoming
spin-off, although you can be sure that Carter, Spotnitz et al think the
Dogg-Gunmen interplay is HILARIOUS.

At the end of this one, Dogg is shot and killed (sorry, it doesn't take)
then eaten by the mutant and "raised from the dead." The end scene, with
Dogg staring at the typewriter, wondering what to tell his superiors is
laughable. I mean, wouldn't that REALLY MESS YOU UP?!?! Dogg's merely at
a loss for words. He's all about telling the TRUTH (we're supposed to draw
a Mulder parallel here) and not in a state of spiritual crisis having been
shot, killed, buried, unburied, eaten, digested, puked up and reassembled
(by magic) thanks to a noble mutant finally able to die on his behalf (one
shudders to think of the religious allusions no doubt attempted here).

We're supposed to see this as a big moment for Dogg--he saw the case
through Mulder's eyes. so what? They really think we care about this guy
the way they do. We still don't know anything about him. 'Cept he's a
good cop. Tryin' ta get ta da troot.

Worse, who can even pay any mind to the icky X-file they're trying to tell
us, what with the HERD of elephants in the room on frickin' unicycles no
one's talking about: Mulder (unbeknownst to us) was DYING ALL OF LAST
SEASON and never told anyone (even Scully). Mulder and Scully were having
an affair most of last season and we were not clued in (or, Scully was
sleeping with someone else--which would be pointless and therefore well
within the realm of possibility. Scully lost the baby and is dealing with
that grief off camera (they do confirm in this episode that Mulder vanished
in May of last year, so Scully'd be exceptionally pregnant by now.) Now
this bit with Scully's name being on the fake reports (non-viewers note:
mulder had really been about to get eaten alive and vomited up, but then
tried to kill the monster because he saw how much pain it was in.
WHATEVER). So...Skinner and Dogg think she didn't sign them, so that must
mean Mulder implicated her in this? What? Why? How?

But, most importantly, who the hell cares?

I guess I'm a chump, cuz I'll be back next week--Special Guest Star Gillian
Anderson!!.

Have a great week! :D Unless you are Chris Carter >:(

PS: The Superbowl was weak! Defense may win football games, but its
boring. 20 years from now, none of us will be saying, "Remember all that
incredible blocking in Super Bowl 35?!" Give me a shootout, any day. Give
me the SCRams. Hell, I'd rather have watched the dreaded Cowboys smoosh
Buffalo 73 to 6 AGAIN, for the hat trick, than watch Trent Dilfer not screw
up ENOUGH to lose the game to the pathetic Giants. Weak. Two months til
the draft, seven until kickoff. Oh, the pain. I was right, by the way, I
picked the wrong team to win to remain consistent in the playoffs :)