X-Files 8.12 "Medusa" Tune in Next week, prodigals (and oh yeah, this week sucked)

For those of you who haven't been watching, next week is time to start up
again. Not that it'll redeem the show, but the previews indicate the show
will choose to fill in the blanks on that day--It's flashbacks kids. They
are, as speculated, going to confirm that there's been this very compelling
story going on off camera--Scully gets knocked up, Scully has a
miscarriage/abortion (previews indicate her fear of having a "V" like
delivery) etc. etc.

And Carter is now ready to REVEAL everything that was going on underneath
those meaningful looks and vague dialogue. I'm certain he thinks this is
BRILLIANT! But let's call it what is: bad FanFic. You know, where some
fan writes a story about what was "really going on" in some episode where
nothing was really going on? But the way they looked at each other...yada
yada yada. Carter has yada yada yada'd the story, the drama and the
character development. But, next week Mulder and Scully--for real. Angst.
Romance? Mystery? We'll see.

This week's episode was a puree of sci-fi/horror/action clichйs all blended
into one inconsequential dish. Dogg and Dana investigate a "contagion"
that's eating people in the subways of Boston--The MTA. "Well did he ever
return, no he never returned and his fate is still unknown. He may ride
forever 'neath the streets of Boston, he's the man who never returned."
Kingston Trio, anyone? Anyone? Nevermind. Shot in the LA
Subway--probably no need to shut it down to catch it empty enough to film.
We know its Boston because the one main "villain" has a BAW-STOHN accent.
A really really bad JFK impression--ala Mayor Quimby on the "Simpsons."
His accent makes up for the fact that he's naturally the ONLY guy in the
show with the accent, except Dogg, whose bad NYC accent veered into bad
Boston for a time, seemed to me. He's got all the other characters
covered, apparently.

A bunch of stuff happens, and this one guy keeps questioning Scully's
guts/credentials/authority to Dogg and he keeps defending her, and this is
supposed to make us LIKE him. Then, Dog gets beat up by this same jerk, but
when the guy needs his help, Dogg won't leave him behind. This is supposed
to make us LOVE him. THEN he singlehandedly saves a trainload of innocent
commuters, nearly dying in the process. This is supposed to make us
renounce God and build temples and shrines in honor of the GREAT John Wayne
Doggett (I made up the Wayne part, btw, but don't be surprised if that
turns out to be true.) There was this whole half-brained "theme" of
chauvinism running through the show, where it was clear that Dana was in
charge, but many of the men weren't taking her seriously. She yelled a
lot, so that sure showed them who's boss! They even had a female Marine
Biologist assume that Agent Dana Scully is a man. Uh, whatever.

Then Scully comes by the hospital, where Dogg's ranting for his nurse,
wanting to walk out of the hospital like every tough guy always does
because medicine is for sissies, and Scully is amused by Dogg's
embarrassment about his revealing gown (the only clichй that worked--it was
actually cute. Not Dogg's ass, but the two of them). Then Scully tries to
tell him SOMETHING, that's she grateful for SOMETHING, but then gets all
weird and he knows something was left unsaid and he's weird. We're
supposed to feel that they are partners, that they care but can't Quite
express that to the other, I guess, but the writers haven't done any of the
work they needed to in order to have us feel invested in their
relationship. They've been partners now for eight or nine months! And,
again, the whole "Agent Scully this," and Agent Dogett that" is just
stupid. It's be Dana and John by now, right? As for everything I left out
here goes:

Recipe for a stock genre script: Add:

Assorted "good guys" who meet and share in darkly humored banter as they
suit up to confront an unknown "contagion" or "creature." Like in Aliens
when the marines are enroute to the colony, for example).

A politician of some sort (quimby) who is determined to keep the trains
running, no matter what these people tell him. Like in Jaws when they open
the Beach, for example).

Have one of the heroes stay behind but maintain radio and or visual contact
with the group.

Have one or more of the members attacked, then have members turn on each
other.

Hero saves the day--with the help of a mysterious mythical little boy (Did
ANYONE get THAT at all? Who the hell was he? was he an angel? Was he a
homeless kid? Was he real at all???? Never remotely explained. He's
there so that Scully can make the sweat-connection (don't ask), but we
never do learn what happens to him. Whatever!)

Insert the following dialogue (I'm not making ANY of these up, folks)

"That tunnel doesn't go anywhere. It's been shut down for years."

"Let's get out of here!" "Something just moved!" "Somebody's down here!"
"What are you seeing?" "Talk to me!" "I wonder why she sent you down here
while she's up there?" "Watch yourself." "You are way out of line here!"
"I'm getting out of here!" "HEY SOMEBODY!?" "My partner is down there!"
"I'm starting to fear the worst." "I can't do dat, we gotta stop dis ting!"
"Possible outbreak situation." "We're running out of time!" "Get out of
there!!" "Can you here me!? I've lost you!"

"Let's go home."

THE END. Again, written by Story Editor Frank Spotnitz--should have farmed
this one out, buddy. I know all your good scriptwriters are working on
"The Lone Gunmen," the Future of ten thirteen and perhaps Fox Television
(hee hee), but, come on. Go over to Hollywood Squares and get Bruce
Villanch to sell you a couple original lines, he'd do it.

A few random dialogue moments: the 'Survivor 2" crack that the CDC doctor
makes is 1) useful in confirming that it's late Jan/early Feb 2001,
therefor Scully would be nine months pregnant now, and thus, lost the baby.
2) stupid, in that no real person would call it SURVIVOR 2. What are we
watching, X-Files 8?

Scully says (I re-wound to make sure): "Not a criminal charge would stick."
Aren't we missing a word there?

Okay, I'm done.

Oscar nominations this Tuesday. Happy Valentines Day, valentines! It's a
good excuse to eat candy, at any rate.

Christine :)