X-Files 8.11 "The Gift" If you can't say anything nice...

Well...I can't imagine myself not saying anything AT ALL, can you? But I'm
certainly not going to waste much of our time. For those who had an hour
of their lives stolen on Sunday, I'm sure you'll appreciate my concern. I
watched it on tape, so I only lost, what, 45 minutes?

For those who missed it, here's all you need to know. Scully wasn't in it.
Mulder was--in flashback with almost no dialogue (he still got star
billing). DON'T THINK about how much David was paid for deigning to appear,
especially since you may be looking at your W-2 forms right around now.

The X-file involved Doggett and Skinner investigating a case Mulder worked
a week or so before his disappearance in which he falsified records and
(presumably) signed Scully's name to said fake documents. Skinner yells at
Dogg and accuses him of wanting to pin a murder rap on mulder so he can get
on the fast track to the directorship (huh?). Dogg takes it all in stride
and goes believer all of the sudden to solve the case.

Oh, yeah, and it was about a monster that eats sick people alive and then,
having absorbed their illness, VOMITS THEM BACK UP. Then they are OK,
having re-formed back into people through...Oh, hmmm. They never explained
that.

Yet another depressing and icky (they keep getting more and more
disgusting) affair for season eight. Yet another disjointed muddled mess
from our STORY EDITOR Frank Spotnitz, that's encouraging. Of course, the
lone gunmen were here for no real reason except to pimp their upcoming
spin-off, although you can be sure that Carter, Spotnitz et al think the
Dogg-Gunmen interplay is HILARIOUS.

At the end of this one, Dogg is shot and killed (sorry, it doesn't take)
then eaten by the mutant and "raised from the dead." The end scene, with
Dogg staring at the typewriter, wondering what to tell his superiors is
laughable. I mean, wouldn't that REALLY MESS YOU UP?!?! Dogg's merely at
a loss for words. He's all about telling the TRUTH (we're supposed to draw
a Mulder parallel here) and not in a state of spiritual crisis having been
shot, killed, buried, unburied, eaten, digested, puked up and reassembled
(by magic) thanks to a noble mutant finally able to die on his behalf (one
shudders to think of the religious allusions no doubt attempted here).

We're supposed to see this as a big moment for Dogg--he saw the case
through Mulder's eyes. so what? They really think we care about this guy
the way they do. We still don't know anything about him. 'Cept he's a
good cop. Tryin' ta get ta da troot.

Worse, who can even pay any mind to the icky X-file they're trying to tell
us, what with the HERD of elephants in the room on frickin' unicycles no
one's talking about: Mulder (unbeknownst to us) was DYING ALL OF LAST
SEASON and never told anyone (even Scully). Mulder and Scully were having
an affair most of last season and we were not clued in (or, Scully was
sleeping with someone else--which would be pointless and therefore well
within the realm of possibility. Scully lost the baby and is dealing with
that grief off camera (they do confirm in this episode that Mulder vanished
in May of last year, so Scully'd be exceptionally pregnant by now.) Now
this bit with Scully's name being on the fake reports (non-viewers note:
mulder had really been about to get eaten alive and vomited up, but then
tried to kill the monster because he saw how much pain it was in.
WHATEVER). So...Skinner and Dogg think she didn't sign them, so that must
mean Mulder implicated her in this? What? Why? How?

But, most importantly, who the hell cares?

I guess I'm a chump, cuz I'll be back next week--Special Guest Star Gillian
Anderson!!.

Have a great week! :D Unless you are Chris Carter >:(

PS: The Superbowl was weak! Defense may win football games, but its
boring. 20 years from now, none of us will be saying, "Remember all that
incredible blocking in Super Bowl 35?!" Give me a shootout, any day. Give
me the SCRams. Hell, I'd rather have watched the dreaded Cowboys smoosh
Buffalo 73 to 6 AGAIN, for the hat trick, than watch Trent Dilfer not screw
up ENOUGH to lose the game to the pathetic Giants. Weak. Two months til
the draft, seven until kickoff. Oh, the pain. I was right, by the way, I
picked the wrong team to win to remain consistent in the playoffs :)