Survivor 11.13 "I'll think about you guys when I see the stars through the sun roof of my new car!"

BEFORE WE BEGIN

I don't know how many of you are watching "American Idol", as i do every season, but one of my all-time pet peeves about the really really bad people is they're always saying, "I've been singing since I was 2 years old," and I'm like, "Who hasn't?" All babies sing, it doesn't mean they're gonna one day make a living at it. I'm endlessly fascinated with American Idol--not just the bad singers either, but the decent ones who seem to thing that because they have a pleasant voice and can stay on key, people are gonna make them into superstars. Okay, focus Christine, FOCUS. Back to Survivor!

LIFE WITHOUT JUDD

Steph chooses to use Judd's outburst (calling them scumbags) to justify her betrayal of him, even though he only did that BECAUSE he betrayed him. Cindy is miffed that she was left out of the decision-making process and Rafe assures her, "But sweetie, we didn't vote YOU out, so it doesn't mean anything." Cindy isn't so sure, "The pattern makes me nervous--we didn't Judd that we were voting out Jamie, and then they didn't tell me they were voting out Judd and let me tell ya, if this was a scripted show, ah'd be real scared of that foreshadowing ah just did." Steph and Rafe assure her that the next person voted out could be ANYBODY, and when they say ANYBODY, they mean, anybody except them.

The next morning, Rafe marvels at the fact that the Final Five in the "Toughest Survivor Ever" is comprised of four women and a gay guy. He also tells us that Judd's leaving has made it easier for everyone to be dorkier, and then everyone takes turned trying to go cross-eyed as they talk about boy bands. I don't know...I kinda miss Judd right about now. Then Lydia tells us that Rafe is, "...a real...gentle type of male." Lydia, he's OUT, you don't need to use a euphemism. Rafe is pleased that he has what he considers to be a real, close personal friendship with everyone who's left, "I'm hoping it 'll get me to the end, even as I continue to screw them over one by one. Go me!"

THE CURSE OF THE CAR

Reward mail consists of a set of car keys, and everyone freaks out because duh, someone's getting a car. Steph makes a point of mentioning several times that she has never owned her own car--though according to the CBS web site, she's proud of the fact that she owns her own HOUSE, so, you know, she's not destitute or anything. She and Rafe don't own cars, but that doesn't make them more worthy of winning one. It's a game show, and even rich people can win on game shows--in facts, they're the ones who can afford to pay the taxes on the prizes.
Anyway, the challenge is the one where they combine a bunch of previous challenges together, and hopefully the Survivors have learned something and can do better than they did the first time, or whatever. The car this year is a 2006 Pontiac Torrent, which is a rather station-wagony vehicle--it's nice, but...it's a wagon. At least Pontiac has learned something since that hideous Aztek, and designed a sleeker wagon. The first round is that one where they have to cross a balance beam and pick up these wood weapons on the way. The first three to cross the beam without falling off move on, and that winds up being Danni, Steph and Cindy. Then the three of them have to huck the weapons (whatever they're called) at tiles, and the first three to break a tile move on. Steph and Cindy move on, and then Cindy puts together this puzzle and jumps in this cart and goes sailing down to victory! Cindy wins the car---meaning...she's CURSED!

Survivor has finally decided to acknowledge what has kept the Internet and coffee houses abuzz for YEARS, which is the fact that the person who wins the car has never won Survivor. I still don't feel anyone won a car in Season One except for Richard Hatch, as part of the Grand Prize package (and yes, some times even rich people can't seem to pay taxes on their game show winnings). Car winners, Colby, Lex, Sean, Ted, Matt, Burton, Boston Rob, Elizabeth, and Ian did not win the million dollars. Yes, Amber did get a car, but that car was given to her because Rob picked her to go with him to the Reward feast--so she didn't win it herself, which is pretty much Amber's Modus Operandi, and it's all community property now, so who's counting? Anyway, Jeff tells Cindy of the Car Curse, and gives her a chance to rid herself of the dreaded Pontiac and all of it's bad mojo by instead gifting the four losers with a car. Everyone's jaws drop, and Cindy is tormented, but she finally decides to keep her car. She doesn't believe in superstitions, and wants to try to beat the odds of the car curse. Steph applauds her decision, while Rafe looks crestfallen. Jeff tells Cindy she can take one person on a spin to a feast at an archeological dig, and she takes Steph since she finished in second place. Rafe would have been the better option since he's oozing bitterness (which he would call moral disappointment), but Cindy doesn't catch that. As they drive to the reward, Steph plays the role of good friend, telling Cindy that she'd've made the same decision, and Cindy should be happy and proud of herself and enjoy the moment. Cindy declares that even had she given everyone a car, that's no guarantee they would have given her the million and then she'd be left with nothing, which is true, in mu opinion. I mean, I might have given everyone a car--I don't think it would have bought me all that much good will, in fact, then everyone would be like, "Everyone loves her since she gave us a car--she can't make it the Final Two or I'm screwed!" and then you're REALLY have a target on your back. Plus, maybe the Grand winner would give me a car, quid pro quo. I'm overthinking this, I know, but that's what blogging is all about. Once they get to the picnic spot, Cindy gets really caught up in her reward, "I won a reward that was a freakin' car!" She tells Steph, "Zookeepers don't drive cars!" Steph says, "This zookeeper does." Cindy is really happy and she's also happy that three women finished in the final 3 of the challenge. The "archeologist guy," as Steph calls him, shows the ladies their feast. Cindy does have some regret, "When will I ever have the capacity to give four other people cars? I don't know anyone who has the capacity to do that. Maybe Oprah." She does think that everyone was happy for her and that nobody's bitter about her decision. Cut To:

SAINT RAFE OF GUATEMALA

Rafe is shocked, SHOCKED, I tell you , at Cindy's decision, "I wouldn't have made that choice, but then, I am a lot more moral than everyone else out here--I mean, I totally love them, don't get me wrong. I just never would have kept that car." Danni also is sure she would have given the cars to the others, with the more pragmatic reasoning, "You have four people who'd be really happy with you." But this is the reasoning of someone who's had her heard on the chopping block for days and days and is looking to curry favor. Cindy thinks she's part of a strong alliance with Steph and Rafe, which is a laughable concept I know, but that's what Cindy thinks. Anyway, Danni and Rafe were apparently so sure that Cindy would HAVE to give up the car, that they were already feeling sorry for her for not getting a car. ANd the least they could do was own the fact that their bitter about not getting a car that they did not earn but they don't, the just cap on Cindy like she's a selfish idiot. Lydia won't join in, claiming that she's happy for Cindy--she won it, she deserves it, good for her. And good for Lydia (you heard me) because she's not being a hypocrite--she'd have kept the car and given it to her son. Period, and good for her because you KNOW she wouldn't get any million dollar reward for her generosity. Rafe continues to harp on the philosophical ideal of the whole thing, insisting that if four people could get cars as opposed to one person getting a car, than the only fair thing to do is choose the option where four people get cars. Then he goes on to say, "If she had given us all cars, there's no WAY I could vote her out at the next Tribal Council." So a new car is the price of keeping your word? There should be no way you'd vote her out at the next Tribal Council ANYWAY, since you have an alliance but wait, I forgot, your alliances are all one-sided. Which is totally legit in the game of Survivor, by the way, it's just annoying when someone does it and then keeps insisting they're morally superior to everyone else. Plus, Rafe KNOWS he wants to go into the Finals with Steph, so he knows that if Cindy gave him a car, it would buy her fourth or third place TOPS. Gah, he's really starting to bug, and I loved him so!

Meanwhile, Steph and Cindy gorge themselves and listen to the archeologist dude tell them stories about the Maya, which Cindy loves. Steph doesn't seem to believe the Mayans could stand eating the corn meal for like, centuries. Later that night, Steph and Cindy agree that they love Danni but want her out because they came into the merge with numbers. Cindy says, "We beat each other, that's one thing, but she'd beat us all." Steph adds, "And we'd look like total idiots." They're pleased with the decision, and feel sure Rafe will go along with it, because Danni is a threat and besides, nobody has promised Danni that they wouldn't for her...yet...

CINDY LOO

The next morning, Cindy and Steph return to camp and Cindy (who has never owned a new car before) goes on and on about how great her new car is, and how exciting it is to own one, blah blah blah. Rafe, with his usual brand of passive-aggression notes, "It's cute and all that Cindy's so excited but there's only so much you can hear about something that you could have had too if only she'd given it to us." Whatever dude. I'd say he could have won himself he wanted it that bad, but Rafe claims he'd have given it away so...I guess he needed Danni to win, that was the only way he could've gotten a car yesterday. But Rafe is right that Cindy us talking waaaaay too much about how great her car is--even if she hadn't had the opportunity to give them cars, even if she merely won the car, you'd think she'd have the sense to downplay her good fortune. I guess maybe Cindy's better at talking to the animals than she is talking to the people. Her car-bragging has resulted in what will turn out to be her death-blow: the fact that Rafe and Danni disagree with her decision so much so, that they've bonded over it.

STEPH AND RAFE: POINT, COUNTERPOINT

I've always felt you could show could teach an entire semester of a Philosophy class by watching Survivor, and this issue with the car proves it. Steph and Rafe have a hilarious exchange about it, and both are so certain the they're right, it takes several minutes before they actually understand what the other is saying. Steph and Rafe are making corn meal, and Steph is relating how happy and excited Cindy was and Steph is clearly happy FOR Cindy, there's no bitterness at all. Then Steph says, "She felt bad, I'm like 'Why'? Why are you gonna give up a CAR?" Rafe replies, "Well, yeah, Danni and I thought she was gonna give up the car." Steph laughs, "So did I, she was considering it!" "Danni and I thought there was no other option BUT to give it up." This does not compute so Steph asks, "What do you mean?" Rafe sighs, "I mean, if been asked that, no way I'd've kept it." Steph looks like she swallowed a bug, "REALLY!? Why??" Rafe begins to drone on self-righteously about how if there's a chance where four people could get a car as opposed to only one person getting a car, then clearly, the only logical and right course of action to take is the one where the four people get the car. Steph tries to wrap her brain around this, "You felt you HAD TO?" Rafe sighs, "Not that I HAD to, but I WOULD have!" Steph shakes her head, unimpressed with Rafe's imaginary grand gesture, "Really? I didn't think ANYONE would do it, I don't think I would've." Steph then calls out to Lydia and asks her what she would have done if she'd won the car and Lydia says she thinks Cindy made the right choice. Steph then tells us that she thinks Rafe sometimes plays the martyr bit a little too often, but she's not that concerned because this is the first time they've ever disagreed on anything. Rafe IS concerned though, "All I was thinking of was that four people could get cars...but it seems like the others were only thinking about what THEY could have, and I know I'm a better person than most people so I shouldn't be surprised but it did make me wonder if maybe I should be playing the game harder than I am?" I dunno, Rafe, you've already betrayed two people in your alliance, I'd say you're playing pretty hard already...

TEDIOUS IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

At the Immunity site, Jeff makes the mistake of asking about Cindy's car, and she once again goes on and on about it. Ominous music plays as Danni and Rafe glare at Cindy. The challenge is one where they're all shackled and tied to posts and they have to unlock these locks and unwind all this rope and untie these knots in order to race to a flag. It's a neat idea, but the kind that you talk all the way through because it takes so freaking long and no one is ever in danger of looking dumb or hurting themselves or saying something interesting, it's just Jeff's grating play-by-play, "Cindy's on her second lock, Rafe, having a little trouble on his first lock, Steph moving on to her third lock..." Like the reward challenge, it come down to Cindy and Steph, but this time, Steph wins. Steph starts sobbing, "Finally, I won something!" It's the first time she's ever won an individual challenge, awww, good for you Steph. Cindy is happy for her friend, because she still has no idea she actually needed Immunity tonight...

ALLIANCE REDISTRICTING

While Steph basks in the glory of her first individual win in her long and storied Survivor career, Danni and Rafe are off professing their loyalty to one another, saying that neither will vote for the other before the Final 3. Of course Rafe won't promise her Final 2 because he's committed to Steph, which is why Cindy was right to keep her car. She was ALWAYS doomed at 3 anyway. Which makes me wish Steph had won the car and kept it, because I would have loved to see Rafe's reaction. Anyway, Danni goes one step further than Rafe and says she'd take him into the Final Two, even if she knew she was gonna lose to him, "I promise you that," she vows. It's a vow she'll regret...well, sorta. Rafe is excited at the prospect of being both Steph and Danni's choice to be brought to the Final Two. He goes to Steph and lobbies her to vote out Cindy instead of Danni. Steph is stunned by this. Rafe insists that they have a way better shot at beating Danni in the end than they do Cindy, reminding her that Cindy hasn't betrayed anybody on they jury. This is actually a very valid, very "Survivor" reason to dump Cindy--Rafe's lying to himself maybe, about how hard he's playing the game, because he's ruthless. He's playing his best friend, because he's NOT telling Steph that he wants Danni to advance because she's his insurance policy. Steph is pretty bent about Rafe's suggestion, but she mad in that way you get when you know you're gonna wind up doing whatever it is someone is trying to talk you into doing, and you're mad at yourself for being such a wimp. Because Steph has been surprisingly wimpy all throughout the game. Behind the facade of Wonder Woman lies a suggestible, obedient follower. She was talked into voting out Jamie, manipulated into betraying Judd and now she behaves as though she doesn't want to dump Cindy but refuses to refuse Rafe's suggestion--and I think Steph has the power to say, "Not this week, we gotta lose Lydia first," something she could have said last time with Judd, too. But she seems terrified of actually being seen as the real leader so she frets to Rafe, "That's another vote, I'm not gonna get Jamie's or Judd's or Cindy's," as though the decision has already been made--she'll turn on another friend immediately after being brought by them on a sweet reward because she refuses to turn on Rafe, who's playing her like a violin, nor does she try to swing Lydia--and you know Lydia would do what Steph says over what Rafe says. Steph rationalizes the decision, "She's got a car, at least." She doesn't completely blindside Cindy though, she tells her that Rafe is thinking about getting rid of her, "You're a threat, Cindy," she adds. Cindy snorts, "He's the one who's won everything!" Word. Cindy tries to get a woman's alliance going, leaving things up in the air as the Final Five head off to destiny...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

The jury is brought in, and they're all wearing bold, monochromatic T-shirts. Judd is clean-shaven. WHen asked about the mood around camp, Rafe replies that everyone is feeling threatened and adds that he realizes there's four men on the jury and he's the only guy left in camp. Judd smiles big at this, a smile that probably says, "No duh, man." Since Rafe single-handedly got Jamie voted out, could have saved Gary and delighted in Judd's departure, I think he's just subtlety playing the Y-chromosome card here, thinking ahead to the Final Two. Danni doesn't notice a change in mood at camp because she's been uneasy since the merge, she feels lucky to still be here as it is. Then Jeff rehashes the Car Challenge events for the benefit of the jury and Cindy stands behind her decision to keep the car for herself, saying she'd be left with nothing if they all decided to vote her out. She then scoffs at the car curse, "The curse is being a tough competitor and winning things, regardless of what it is, a car, a pile of cookies, whatever it is." There's some truth to this, even though some pretty weak players have managed to win the car (Sean in the Marquesas and Elizabeth in Vanuatu spring to mind, though their ouster was clearly not car-motivated, they were loud and annoying and ditched when they weren't of any use). Cindy then goes on to point out Rafe as the most dangerous player still in the game--he wins challenges and people like him. THe rest of the women aren't swayed. She casts her vote for Rafe, but goes down 4-1. Rafe passive-aggressively gushes, "I still love you!" as he writes her name, then when she gets up to leave, he tries to get her to join him in a "no hard feelings!" moment, which Cindy declines. "I'll think about you guys when I see the stars through the sun roof of my new car!" Cindy chirps on her way out. Judd likes the sentiment. In her exit speech, Cindy doesn't dwell on the betrayal, just how much she'll miss "nature's orchestra," the night sounds of the jungle. God speed, Cindy.

Cindy winds up in the dreaded 5th position. 5th place is full of the blindsided and the deceived. Dr. Sean actually believed he was part of Hatch's Final Four, but he was really just his most disposable tool. In Australia, Rodger knew he and Elisabeth were on the outs with the power clique, and he selflessly told Tina that Elisabeth need the money more than he did, so she should be kept longer than he was. In Africa, T-Bird's last ditch attempt to drive Lex to the brink of mad paranoia didn't work, and in the Marquesas, motormouth Sean was sent home after he won a car. Same thing happened to Ted after he won a car--and he thought he was Porn Star Brian's best pal. In the Amazon, neither her dubious intelligence, nor her debatable athleticism could save Horrible Heidi from the boot and in the Pearl Islands, smug Burton won a car, and took Johnny Fairplay with him to celebrate because he never dreamed the women would gang up to evict him. Ha. In Vanuatu, Jeff's way-too-young-for-him girlfriend Julie was betrayed by Chris, whom she'd considered to be like a brother to her. Last season, cantankerous Caryn ran out of usefulness to two-timing Tom.

RANDOM SURVIVOR FACT
Besides being one of this season's many twins, Cindy is one of many people who lists "Sorry" as one of her favorite board games. I had no idea anyone was still playing Sorry. Is it making a comeback? I just find that funny. Not funny is her list of favorite movies in which she lists one of my twin's least favorite films (the Travolta film "Michael") and TWO of my least favorites: "A.I." and "Powder." Note to self: When hanging out with Cindy, suggest an exciting game of "Sorry" instead of renting movies...

Peace! :D

Christine

Survivor 11.12 "I hope you guys all get bit by a freakin' crocodile, scumbags."

BEFORE WE BEGIN

Survivor has been in the news quite a bit--did you all see how Richard Hatch claimed that CBS told him they'd pay his taxes on his million dollar prize to make up for the fact that other contestants were somehow allowed to eat food that was smuggled in by their friends, and that the crew allowed this. Huh? The first year Survivors weren't even that hungry, they had canned goods and stuff. And no one even knew how big Survivor was and we're to believe that friends travelled all the way to Borneo to give these guys food? Say what? Both Rudy and Dr. Sean were quoted as saying, "Whatever, Rich." And then the jury said the same. Hatch was convicted of tax evasion (not just on his prize money, but money he earned as a radio co-host. Plus, he defrauded his charitable organization. Now he faces up to 600 grand in fines and 13 years in prison. He could really use an Immunity necklace right about now...

Yes, February 2nd is almost upon us, meaning I've got to get these reviews written, now don't I? If you have a chance, check out those bios at CBS.com--there's a former astronaut in there--it's good reading. Yes Adam, I agree, they're all quite accomplished--TV Guide even said so. And yes, the tribes will be split into 4 tribes of four, older men, younger men, older women, younger women. Since this is TV, the "older women" tribe includes a 32 year-old and a 35-year old. Whatever, CBS.

LOVE FOR SALE

The episode opens with a perfectly lovely conversation between Lydia, Judd and Steph about Steph's farting. Danni is amused by the fact that no one is talking about the volatile Tribal Council where Gary and Judd spilled secrets and pointed fingers. Danni also knows she needs to make something happen, or she's done for...

The Survivors are thrilled when they discover that today's Reward Challenge is the famous Survivor Auction, where they all get 500 bucks and get to bid on various food items. The first item is a bowl of beef jerky, which Danni steals for 20$. No one else bids on it, which is good because skeletal Danni could use the protein. It's not compassion that has the others hoarding their cash, however. Ever since...the Amazon, I believe, the letters from home have been offered in the auction, causing much grief. Danni's offered a mystery meal in exchange for her jerky, but she doesn't bite, which is good because it was a bowl of uncooked corn. Cindy steals some chocolate chip cookies and some milk for 40$. Lydia wins a personal mosquito net for 140$ and Jeff comments that she really needs it once he sees her bite-ravaged back. "You haven't seen nothing yet," she replies, and Jeff feels the need to say, "You got it on the booty too?" Oh...Jeff. Words I never needed to hear you say. Danni and Rafe team up to buy a covered item, and spend 180$ on a Philly Cheese Steak and fries, Danni then spends her last $200 to outbid Steph on what Jeff calls "a huge advantage in the next Immunity Challenge." Steph and Danni, interestingly enough, are the only players who seriously bid on this at all. I guess everyone else is feeling pretty confident. Or they're stupid. Danni gets a sealed envelope and Jeff tells her not to open it until the challenge.

The next item isn't letters from home--it's the actual loved ones! Around the corner comes Cindy's twin Mindy, Rafe's Mom, Danni's brother, Judd's wife, Lydia's brother and Steph's longtime boyfriend. Many are weeping, especially Rafe, who's a basket case. Lydia hasn't seen her brother Joseph in 2 years and Jeff asks him how Lydia looks: "Strong," is his proud reply, and okay, I hate Lydia but I'm not made of stone. Jeff tells them only one person will get their loved one for an overnight visit. Only two people can pool their money, but only one person will get the visit. Steph surprisingly asks Lydia for her money--surprising considering Steph's hostility towards her in the last episode, when Lydia knocked her out of the reward challenge. Lydia was bad choice though, because she's out $140 already for the mosquito net. Judd makes a wiser play, asking Cindy for her cash--Cindy only spend 40$ on the on the cookies. Judd wins a visit with his beautiful wife, Kristin. They really are like a sitcom couple, you know, big doofy guy with the hot wife ala King of Queens and According to Jim. Jeff then gives Judd the chance of picking two players loved ones to also join the tribe for the night--but by doing so he'll also doom three players to a night of exile over at Old Steph's abandoned camp. Judd doesn't seem to give a rat's butt about the exiles, as he justly picks Cindy's sister since Cindy co-financed his win, and then predictably chooses "his Jersey girl" Steph's boyfriend...Mike? Rafe bawls as he says goodbye to his mother, and Lydia bids a teary wave to her brother. Danni doesn't look at all upset--she knows she can use the time in exile to build some alliances...

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE

Judd plays the good host and shows the civilians their rustic camp. Judd is pleased at how impressed his wife is at his new-found camping skills, "Ah tink she was diggin' it, ah tink she thought it was pretty hot!" Mindy gushes, "Playing wilderness people was our favorite thing to play when we were kids, so this is great!" Awwww. Twins are so weird ;) Mindy has Cindy's identical voice complete with Southern accent, but she's far-less buff and tan. Of course, Steph is still bitching about the hike on day one to her boyfriend. Then she tells us, "I owe Judd big time. This is the second time he's given me a sweet reward." Everyone, remember she said that. Elsewhere, Judd boasts to his wife about his super-tight alliance with Steph and Rafe...while at the same time...

Rafe is agreeing with Danni that Judd isn't to be trusted, "We just need to catch Judd in some kind of a lie," Rafe says, so that they can weaken his tight bond with Steph. Rafe insists that "You can't trust a person like Judd, but you can trust that you can't trust him." This is where I really started to fall out of love with Rafe. He's a sweet guy, but he's also a judgmental hypocrite. Judd lied about where to look for the Immunity Idol, but he was trying to keep it from the alliance's enemies: Gary, and Danni. He's never lied to Steph or Rafe or Cindy about who he was gonna vote for, and none of them can say the same because they all voted Jamie out without telling Judd. And they voted Jamie out for being weird--not because he was going to betray them. So Rafe has lied and betrayed TWO alliance members in Jamie and Judd and yet he's going around calling people untrustworthy? Whatever, dude. And thanks a lot for making me actually defend Big Bully Judd.

Back at the winner's camp, Steph is rhapsodizing about Judd to his wife, and assuring her that she and Judd intend to take one another to the Finals, "Jersey would be proud," she smiles, not knowing just how Sopranos things are about to get. Judd and Cindy gang up on the absent Danni, and assure themselves that even with the advantage she bought at the auction, Danni probably won't win Immunity and if she does, they'll just go with Plan B and boot Lydia. Cindy gets especially snarky, "She's not a threat, mentally OR physically," she scoffs, "the only thing she's good at is shooting baskets." Uh, well, okay Miss I Have Never Won Immunity Either. Geez. The next morning, the exiles return, and you can tell the civilian guests feel awkward since their loved ones spent the night plotting Lydia and Danni's doom, but Judd and Steph and Cindy are very accomplished liars and it's not awkward for them at all. Judd says that even though he didn't win any food at the auction, looking at his wife has made him full, "It's like eatin' 25 White Castle cheesbahgers, man." Uh...have I been single too long or is that actually romantic? Maybe Kristin and Judd can go on the Amazing Race. The Amazing Race snobs won't even mind getting CBS sloppy seconds, they'll be so relieved they're grown-ups they'd take Jerri and Johnny Fairplay...

JUDD LOO

In what has to be the most annoying conversation in Survivor history, Lydia goes up to see Judd at his perch on the temple and Lydia starts saying things like, "Gotta get a game plan going, Mr. Judd." I'm not making this up, she really kept calling him "Mr. Judd," and doing that thing she does where she states the obvious in the form of a question. She claims they both need to "get rid of the threats" if they're BOTH to avoid sitting on the jury. And Judd could have said, "Lydia, you know that Steph and Rafe and Cindy and me are really tight here--no offense, but eithuh you or Danni are going home--no duh." There's no real reason to keep it a secret--yet Judd decides to be cagey and it proves to be a large part of his undoing. Because Danni sidles up right at that moment and doesn't hear Judd saying he's tight with Steph and Rafe. Instead she hears him agree that getting rid of the strongest players is the way to go and then he bitterly tells Lydia that, in regards to Jamie, "I know who the mastermind behind dat was," and then tells Lydia that he's powerless to do anything about it. Now personally (and I could be wrong), I think Judd is just too into to being liked to tell Lydia the truth, so he's patronizing her. But he's given Danni all the ammunition she'll need to make her move...

DANNI FLIPS EVERYTHING AROUND

So, the Immunity challenge is this game where there's this circular board covered with tiles, and the players have to flip over tiles from white to red and they can only step on the red and when they box themselves into a corner, they're out. Danni gets to open her advantage and it's revealed that she can switch places with any player at any time (once). Cindy gets out first (who's not a threat?), and then Danni, realizing Steph is playing the game way better than anyone else, switches places with Steph. Steph is unthrilled. Lydia is out next, then Rafe, then Judd. In the end Danni wins because she switched at the right time and with the right person--and the once doomed Danni is suddenly VERY powerful...

Back at camp, Steph asks Danni what Judd said to her earlier, when she and Lydia were with him on the temple, and Danni relates how Judd was still mad about the Jamie situation, and that he was saying how they had to get rid of the strongest people. Now, Danni isn't lying, she's using Judd's own foolish words to imply that Judd is moving against Steph, even though I don't think he was. But insecure Steph sure believes it, especially when Danni does an impression of Judd, "We're all squirrels tryin' tuh get a nut, here." Steph tells us that Judd's always talking about how it's a game and he's trying to win the million dollars and then she points out that he HAS lied. But Steph...has he lied to you? He told YOU what the clue about the hidden Immunity Idol really said. But then Judd doesn't help matters by seemingly "pulling a Jamie" by acting odd and antisocial as the group prepares to go to Tribal Council. Judd is off by himself in his King Kong perch, making it easy for the others to entertain the notion of turning on him, and to just generally be all, "Where's Judd's head at?" But I feel it's important to point out to paranoid Steph and judgmental Rafe that at this moment he's NOT thinking about betraying anyone's he's pledged his loyalty too--unlike the two of you. Steph frets, "My heart tells me to get rid of Lydia because Judd and I have been so close but my paranoia is telling me to get rid of Judd before he slits my throat." I think Steph has become possessed by the spirit of Lex. Rafe, Danni and Steph decide not to tell Cindy. Elsewhere, Lydia "talks strategy" with Judd, which again means she states some obvious point of fact in the form of a question, "Danni was going and then she won Immunity when she needed it, know what I mean?" Well, of course we know what you mean, Lydia, Danni won Immunity so what? It's like, she doesn't have her own opinions or strategies or anything, which would be fine if she didn't then keep telling us about how she's not ready to go home and it would be unfair if her alliance dumped her once they didn't need her. Uh...then FREAKING DO SOMETHING. Judd again is cagey, telling her that everyone is vulnerable instead of telling her that she's the one going home. Then Lydia shuffles over to Rafe, "Tell me what to do, I'll vote for anybody." And then Judd surprises them both by saying, "Yo Lydia, don't vote fuh me. Ah need ya vote, okay?" and Rafe is nervously laughing, knowing he's bout to betray Judd and Judd is all smiles because he doesn't see it coming. He tellingly tells Steph and Rafe that Lydia has no idea she's going and that he told her that no one's safe and anybody could be next, "You've gotta say something, you know what I mean?" Yes Judd, I know what you mean--you felt you had to humor Lydia and it's gonna cost you...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff opens up with a bunch of softballs. Danni talks about how emotional she got when she won Immunity, "I've cried twice in this game, over spaghetti and over Immunity." Rafe prattles on about how it's hard to know who to trust and I'm thinking, "Well certainly not YOU." Steph says it's important to make decisions that you can justify to the jury if you make it to the Final Two and I'm thinking, "Yeah, good luck with that." Then Judd lose all of my building sympathy by reminding us why it's so easy NOT to trust Judd, he launches into an arrogant rant that only someone who thinks they're actually untouchable would make at Tribal Council: "No mattuh what dey all say, everybody wants somebody tuh go home. So, I mean, dey're all sittin' here makin' believe it's gonna stink, dat's not duh case. Everybody wants somebody tuh go home. No hard feelings. That's the way I tink about it." No hard feelings, eh Judd. Just so long was you're not the person that everybody sends home. Then he adds, "Trust and love duh one's you're with," which seems to physically wound a guilt-ridden Steph. Judd and Cindy both vote for Lydia, everybody else votes for Judd, and his feelings are QUITE hard, it turns out, "I hope you guys all get bit by a freakin' crocodile, scumbags." The jury is almost as shocked at Judd (but way less mad).

Judd winds up in 6th place, where he joins wise and witty Colleen. Jerri's stooge and eventual All-Star champion, Amber, Africa's Lil' Kim, who started off evil but got likable towards the end. In Season Four, the boring self-appointed General surprisingly made it this far a part of an evil alliance and in Thailand, older Jake was the last surviving member of the youthful "dream team" he thought he'd assembled. In the Amazon, deaf and feisty Christy sealed her own doom when she refused to give Rob reason to trust her and in the Pearl islands, we lost lovable stoner Christa aka Big Bird. In was a great day in Survivor History when Ami the evil lesbian was sent packing and last season, dull Gregg was out-maneuvered by Tom and Ian.

RANDOM SURVIVOR FACT:

Well, Judd appears to appear in his family's taped message of support, sporting his King of da' jungle beard, but according to his bio he..believe it or not, ALSO has an identical twin brother, Timmy. So maybe that was him? What is with all the twins? Jamie and Cindy and Judd all are identical twins, and yet it never comes up? Random. Judd's wife says, "I can't wait to see you again, and I'm thinking, "Well turn to your left, because he's RIGHT there."

Peace! :D

Christine

Survivor 11.11 "I'm sick of hearing your crap, you're lucky you're still in this game!"

BEFORE WE BEGIN

Yes, I'm really behind and you're all past caring, but completing the season is something I MUST do as a crazy person, before we can start the new season. Which begins February 2nd, by the way. The new Survivors bios are up at the cbs.com if you're interested.

FALLOUT

Judd is reeling from Jamie's surprise ouster at Tribal Council, mainly because he's the only one who was surprised. Steph insists that he was kept in the dark for his own good, so that he wouldn't feel guilty, since Jamie's his buddy and everything. Judd insists he's cool with it, and that he's not mad, but everyone's still nervous around him, because he's being pretty loud about how not-mad he is. Judd frets to the camera, "It makes me wunduh from heeh on out, man." Gary is very happy that Jamie drove everyone crazy enough to want to oust Jamie instead of next-in-line Gary, and he plans on exposing and exploiting further divisions in the camp in the next few days. Before the go to bed, Rafe and Steph exult in a Jamie-less camp. Me too.

The next day, Lydia worries that supporting Gary was the wrong move for her, "I've got to figure it out, but...I've got to do it carefully because if I don't...I'm gonna be next to go." No, you won't Lydia. Because I'm not that lucky and you're not that important. Man, Lydia bugs. Oh so careful Lydia allows Gary to pump her for information in earshot of a snooping Judd, who's eyes widen as he hears Gary try to lobby her to switch over to his and Danni side. Judd awakens Rafe and Steph, who aren't all that worried, because they feel Cindy is solidly with them, so who ares what Lydia does? Rafe is more that a little pleased that ousting Jamie has driven Judd closer to he and Steph, while Judd is indignant that Gary's trying to sidle up to Lydia after telling him and Steph that he wanted "undeserving" Cindy and Lydia out of the game. In Judd's eyes, this makes Gary a "liah," but what choice does Gary have, Judd? You and Steph didn't let him into your alliance, so now he's doing whatever he can to survive. Gary asks Lydia for her input and strategy and of course, she has nothing to offer. Gary then tries to sell her on joining HIS final four, but even dumb Lydia isn't dumb enough to think three equals four. Although she IS dumb enough to intentionally piss off Steph...

THE "REVEAL YOUR ALLIANCES" GAME

Yes, it's that time of the season when players get to eliminate people from the Reward hunt, thus revealing who their friends are, and often, what order they intend to vote people out. This played out most dramatically in season four, when Neleh and Pappy caught on to John and the Smugglies and turned the tables on them, eventually allowing the unremarkable Vecepia to somehow win the game. Last year was fairly dramatic too--Katie helped to eliminate Ian to sidle up to Gregg, which had a huge ripple effect on the emotional waters of the entire game. This season's game is for mojitos, meat and massage at a hot springs waterfall. To win, players must first answer some trivia questions about Guatemala. If they get a right answer, they get to smash one of three pots belonging to another player. Last one with a usable pot at the end of the game, wins. The first question is about the name of some ancient Guatemalan language, and Steph wrongly guesses that it's "Sanskrit." Seriously, Steph deserved to lose just for that. Now, everyone's attacks stick to what you'd expect--the Magic 5 targeting Gary and Danni, while the target Steph and Judd etc., except Lydia targets Steph, eventually knocking her out of the game. "Jealousy will get you nowhere," Steph huffs on her way to the bench, and Lydia tries to play it off like it's no big deal, "I want to eeeat!" she shrugs. "We'll see about that," Steph sneers, as she takes out her crystal ball and begins summoning her flying monkeys. Lydia insists, "But boss, you ate on the last reward!" "So did your new friends Danni and Gary," Steph seethes. Cindy reaffirms her status as a card-carrying Magic 6er...er...5er, and ousts Gary. Since Steph is gone, Lydia begins to target Judd--great strategy, Lydia piss off volatile Judd after you're done with touchy Steph, brilliant! Cindy eliminates Danni, and Steph gives another reality show a shout-out when she refers to the elimination bench as "The Loser's Lounge," ala Bravo's Celebrity Poker. Rafe eliminates Lydia, awww, and then Cindy winds up defeating Rafe, making her the winner. Everyone applauds her, hoping for an invite. Man, i wanted her to invite Steph SO BAD, just because maybe Lydia's head would explode, but Cindy picks Rafe, since he finished in second place.

STEPH FLIPS OUT

Back at camp, Steph is still furious at Lydia for breaking ranks with the Magic Whatever and helping knock Steph out of the challenge just because Lydia was hungry, "Well, boo-hoo for Lydia," Steph rages to the camera, "I'm sick of hearing your crap, you're lucky you're still in this game!" And a whole herd of Word! on that one, let me just say. Steph then gathers the remaining troops and points out each and every time they'd eaten since the merge. She admits that she feasted the first time she could, when she gave up a chance at immunity to do so (as did Lydia and Rafe), but overstates matters when she declares that by doing so, she "put my ass on the line," Uh...well, c'mon Steph, it was hardly a brave decision. It was arrogant and you knew you could get away with it because of your alliance. You know it, I know it, and the American people know it. Steph points out that everyone ate something the night Jamie gave up his reward to apologize for taunting everyone at the aforementioned Luncheon of Arrogance, and and irritated Gary points out that his one slice of pizza that night hardly compares to the shrimp and steak she and Bobby Jon dined on, courtesy of star-struck winner Judd. Gary tells the camera that he doesn't believe Steph has lost any weight at all while out here, and he's annoyed by how much corn meal and nuts she eats, in addition to the rewards she's won. Lydia insists that attacking Steph wasn't personal, "I'm the only one who hasn't had a meal," she whines. Judd barks, "Everyting's personal, man." Then Lydia tries to get us on her side by complaining that everyone's putting Steph on a pedestal. Uh, yeah, and who was it calling her "your hero" in minute freaking one of Survivor: Guatemala? Yes, you Lydia honey. You wanna eat a freakin' meal out here, why don't you try freakin' WINNING something, you big baby. I mean, she single-handedly LOST the competition that sent Gary, Danni, Judd and Steph to that one feast. AGH, I hate Lydia. Hate hate hate.

LYDIA-SELF-PITYIA

Elsewhere, Cindy and Rafe have a predictably wonderful time on their idyllic trip, and firm up an alliance that, as we now know, won't last. When they return to camp, Judd and Steph insist that Rafe and Cindy give them a detailed play-by-play of all the wonderful food they got to eat, which infuriates and further embitters Lydia ( which is probably what Judd and Steph were aiming at). Lydia feels that Cindy should have picked her out of fairness, since she's suffered more than anyone and because she's an outcast. Lydia reminds me of my days as a CBS page, when I got to process and seat the audience for "The Price Is Right." There's 325 people or so, all hoping to hear their name called so they can 'Come on Down!" They are all briefly interviewed by one of the producers, who picks a slate of...I think it's nine people total, who get called. And they try to get a good cross-section of age and race and whatnot, but the main thing they're looking for is people who are going to be FUN. So they're looking for happy, upbeat, outgoing people. And there'd always be these bitter old crones who'd tried numerous times to get on and never had and were just so angry and resentful and they complain to the pages and huff and puff about how all the "perky" and "crazy" people got picked and we of course had to be polite to these people because we had giant CBS logos on our pockets but what we wanted to scream at these people was, "You didn't get picked because you're a big ol' drag and no one would root for you if you got on TV." Similarly, why on Earth would Cindy pick sour ol' Lydia when she could go with sweet, funny Rafe? It's a no-brainer. Anyway, Lydia makes a big show about how she's taken all the leftover scraps from everyone else's meals and put them into her mug to eat as a soup because she's so very hungry. Cindy correctly mocks this martyrish display, "So we're supposed to feel sorry for her and let her win something, sheyeah, right!" Later, Steph, Cindy, Rafe and Judd declare themselves the Final Four, and marvel at how Lydia managed to last 29 days. "Because she's nice and she smiles," Cindy comments. "Well, she wasn't nice today," snarks Steph--who is quite lucky being nice isn't the ONLY criteria to keep someone around. If you know what I'm saying. Gary and Danni contemplate trying to swing Rafe over to their band of outcasts, and Danni admits to us that if they can't swing enough votes to their side, she'll play up to the power clique if that's what she needs to do to survive, "I'm not gonna go home," she vows.

IMMUNITY AND IT'S AFTERMATH

The Immunity Challenge is one of my all-time favorites, the one where Jeff tells a folk tale, and everyone has to go from station to station answering questions so they can gather tokens to bring back to him so they can win. In Season One, Rudy hilariously answered every question, "Ah don' know." Sigh. Good times. Anyway, long story short, Gary, Rafe and Cindy take the early lead, and it's an incredibly close finish between Gary and Rafe but once again, superstar Rafe is victorious...

Back at camp, Rafe is as stunned at his dominance as the next person, "Who would see this little gay Mormon and think he was gonna win most of the Immunities?" Whoa, what a revelation. I mean, Rafe was so obviously Mormon, but I'd never have guessed he was gay. Rafe is very proud because growing up, he never saw anyone who looked and acted gay and who was still athletic. Apparently, he never watched Olympic figure skating. Or Gymnastics. Or diving. But anyhoo, good for Rafe. He, Steph, Judd and Cindy spend some time together talking about how tight and cool their alliance of four is. Actually, it's more like Steph and Judd sucking up to Cindy and Rafe. Steph is nervous--last time she was powerless, but now that she's in a position of power, she's even more paranoid. Lydia gets up on her cross and laments the fact that now that the numbers game is over and she's not useful, the others don't have to keep her around. Well, DUH. She praises her own loyalty for sticking with them since day one, which of course benefitted her just as much as it did them, especially when there was a good chance of her going home instead of Brianna. Lydia also continues to delude herself with the idea that she's important enough to eliminate tonight instead of Gary.

Meanwhile, Gary and Danni talk about what might happen tonight--Gary is pretty sure he's doomed becasue they weren't able to sway Rafe. Gary says Cindy will never switch becasue she hates him and this strong animosity between Cindy and Gary will be referenced several times but never, ever explained. Thanks a lot, Survivor editors. They make a last-ditch effort to swing Rafe over to their side, but he doesn't bite--although he DOES reveal that he doesn't trust Judd very much, which Gary hopes to exploit if he can. Judd watches all the shenanigans from his perch--he's worried about gary and Lydia, becasue he doesn't trust either of them.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Bobby Jon and Jamie are brought in, and Jamie looks a lot worse, now that he's shaved. He's not my type, but I thought the beard was working for him. Jeff starts things off by caling out Lydia for taking out Steph out of "fairness" about who ate, and Lydia tries to defend the move, but Jeff isn't buying it, "Hey, dumbass, this is a game of relationships, and you just sabotaged the only ones you had just so you could eat and you didn't even get to do that! What the hell are you still doing here!?" Lydia then complains that Steph is so well-liked , that she gets picked to go on other people's rewards, which...one) os what, twp) try to be more likeable then, Lydia and three) is that even true? Steph earned her way onto every reward she's had except the one where Judd got to invite two people to his table. Ugh, Lydia sucks. Jeff asks Steph if she's in charge, and she scoffs at the notion, saying her rant at camp was just about wanting people to say things to her face--like if they were resentful of her eating so much. Gary chimes in that he likes Steph, but, "...others are star-struck by her. They probably will get her autograph after the show," he chuckles, and then adds under his breath, "And you'll also probably ask for MY autograph, once you learn that I'm a former NFL quarterback, bwah hah hah!" Gary's comment rankles everyone left in the game and delights Bobby Jon and Jamie, who dissolve into a fit of good ol' boy giggling. Apparantly, they're tight now, and you can practically hear the theme to "Dukes of Hazzard," playing whenever they cut over to them. Cindy says she's pretty happy with the way she's played the game, ethically speaking, and then Judd splutters, "Ah don' tink ah've lied yet, but I tink ah'm gonna staht lyin. Day's lies everywhere, man, and ah'm uh damn bad liah so ah may be in trouble now." You don't know the half of it, Judd. Jeff asks Jud to elaborate on what Judd means by "lies being everywhere," and Judd is more than happy to oblige, getting very righteous as he tells everyone about how Gary told Judd and Steph that Lydia and Cindy were undeserving and riding coattails and then suddenly Gary's out trying to make an alliance with Lydia. Cindy fumes, but doesn't seem surprised at Gary's low opinion of her. gary is indignant, insisting he's merely playing the game. He never told Lydia and Cindy he DID think they were deserving and making their own way in the game. And then Gary does, it, he busts Judd, "This is a lie, "Hey everybody, the Immunity Idol is definatley on the ground. Well, I followed Judd here, and he was looking for it in trees and that's where I found it, in the trees." Yup, that is certainly what a lie sounds like Gary...Hawkins *cough*. Judd is ticked, "Okay, ah lied about the famn idol, okay." Rafe looks hurt. Gary must know he's doomed because he casts his vote for his arch-nemesis Cindy (again, we'll never know why they hate each other, but they really, really do) and Gary goes down in a hail of votes, as even Danni votes him out.

Gary is voted out in 7th place. This has only rarely been an interesting place to finich, interestingly enough. In Season One, slacker Gervase was a victim of numbers, as was Nick in Australia. I KNOW many of you think I'm making him up, but go to CBS.com and you'll see. In Africa, Frank was, you guessed it, on the wrong side of an alliance. Same thing with Tammi, who I remmeber only for her bitterness agianst Neleh once the game was shook up. In Thailand, the smug but forgettable Penny was (all together now) a predictible victim of numbers. It wasn't until the Amazon that 7th place got interesting and Rob rebelled against the Cool Kids clique and ousted Alex. In the Pearl Islands, Tijuana stupidly trusted Jonny Fairplay instead of going with a woman's alliance and in Vanuatu we had another stunner, when Twila and Scout allied with their arch-rival Elizabeth in order to oust Ami's stooge, LeAnn. Last season it was no surprise when Steph's luck ran out, and Jeff couldn't convince anyone else to quit on her behalf.

Random Loser Fact: Gary actually played pro football for like, 10 years! Isn't that amazing? I had no idea...

My sincere thanks to all of you who actually still read this :)

Peace :D

Christine