X-Files 8.14 "This Is Not Happening."

Not only was that stupid line used to open and close the episode as though
it were somehow powerful (it isn't) but its also, ironically enough, the
title of this episode. How fitting, as I was thinking it so often.

This is not happening. One of my favorite shows ever--scratch that. DO I
own EVERY EPISODE OF ANY OTHER SHOW? Well, Freaks and Geeks, but since it
didn't even make a whole season, it sadly wasn't that hard. It's safe to
say that I have never cared as deeply for any other nighttime television
show than X-Files (soaps are different, the every day all year thing). To
watch it become dreadful is so painful.

Several of you wrote me last week to speculate that it is now August or
September 2000--that we didn't skip the summer, that things are moving more
slowly than I thought. That would make the "Survivor 2" line that made me
so sure it was February an annoying continuity error to be sure, but not
nearly as annoying as having Scully be 10 month pregnant, so I'll go with
that until proved otherwise. Hell, both Scully and Mulder's family
histories have been messed up the show (Mulder's father saying he had kids
in fifties flashback episode, despite Mulder and Samantha being born in the
sixties, Scully's mom saying Bill Sr. proposed after "the Cuban blockade"
in October 1962, yet Scully has two older siblings and she was born in
February 64. happy 37th birthday Dana, btw) Morgan and Wong also really
messed with Mulder's dad's and cancerman's history in "Cigarette Smoking
Man" but I always took that with a grain of salt as it was Frohike
speculating about what happened--a sort of Oliver Stone take on history.

So, fine lets say its late August, early September. Its not our worst
problem.

Fox billed this as the television event of the season, and its utter
banality, the fact that it was so freaking boring shows that they don't
know what they're doing anymore. The show finally looks like it was
created from some guy that writes for a surfing magazine.

Why is Scully pregnant? I mean, we lose Mulder, and, instead of maximizing
Scully, we hardly see her at all--certainly none of the internal conflict
we care about. Did Carter really believe he had to knock up Sculy in order
for us to believe she'd be that invested in finding Mulder? Or so he could
have some gross-out alien baby horror ala the (unavoidably) oft-mentioned
"V" miniseries? Scully is so removed from the canvas already, you can FEEL
Carter hedging his bets, not knowing whether Gillian will be back next
year, or if the show will (Please please quit), Afraid to invest to much
time to character who might be leaving, he's not even using her as a
bridge between the "old" show and the "new" show---John Wayne "by the book,
ma'am" Doggett and Monica "New Age bullhonkey" Reyes (she's not Hispanic,
but she plays it on TV).

Opening: Why would a UFO nut like that, who plasters his room with oodles
of photos, use a disposable camera? "This is not happening." I thought
that was an allusion to the BRILLIANT "Jose Chung" episode, where several
characters say the line throughout. So,, it came off to me like kind of a
punchline. But whatever. It's stupid UFO guy not...Scully, right?

Dogg fondles Mulder's SACRED NAMEPLATE, which Carter and co. seem to thing
is symbolic of so very much more than THEIR DECIDING to mention Mulder on
any given week, before they toss him back into a desk drawer and chase
monsters. Why would Scully chase monsters if she thought Mulder was alive?
Still don't get that one. An UNBELIEVABLE amount of "meaningful looks"
are exchanged in the beginning of this one, rather than any meaningful
dialogue. Gilligan and Shiban are writing "Lone Gunmen," Darin Morgan went
into hiding it would seem, Morgan and Wong are on the outs with Carter,
Gansa is...at Dawson's Creek still? And I don't know where Howard Gordan
is? Hell, pay Duchovney to do it Carter! Ugh! That batch of scenes where
Scully wants to know what's up and Dogg wants Skinner to tell her and he
doesn't know quite what to tell her *meaningful look* take Scully
*meaningful look* take Dogg *meaningfu--for crying out loud!

Since we have not seen Scully's mom, and I saw her in the Sweeps promos, I
have the sinking feeling they filmed scenes with her and cut them. :(

Big problem with this episode is there's no credible source of information.
Cancerman's gone, the whole conspiracy's gone--Marita and Krycek are MIA.
So, I'm wondering why the injuries to these abductees are SOOOOO horrific
(besides Carter being a sick bastard) and no one's speculating. When
Scully was dealing with her cancer, we learned that she didn't remember the
procedures, but other abductees did and it was painful, but not anything
like this, which Scully alludes too. SO, what's up with that? Are these
different aliens? or is it the fact that there's no conspiracy keeping them
in line? That'd be interesting, but no one's talking about any of that.
Carter probably doesn't know. Again, he's hedging, he doesn't want to
commit to anything or say anything concrete in case he needs it for a movie
or a ninth season. Carter only had five years planned (the show almost
didn't survive to two) and ever since the movie he's been sitting on a
locomotive train laying down track seconds before the train gets there.
And it isn't working.

Liked Skinner comforting Dana (wish it was momma Scully but, dream on).
But...why was Skinner there? What does he really do except remind us that
he saw a space ship? Gillian was great in this episode (until the end).
Saw her in "House of mirth" this weekend--she was AMAZING. It's a good
movie but there is very little mirth (Edith Wharton, c'mon). I've wanted
to give her hug all weekend, poor girl.

What was with the NIKE product placement?

When Scully gets mad at Dogg and he laughed at her--what was THAT about?
how was that appropriate to the situation? This whole episode felt like
it was done in one take, especially when we meet Annabeth Gish (no relation
to famous Gish's) as Monica Reyes--a woman who Carter is touting as the
possible future of the franchise. She was okay, she's a good actress, but
a new age "sensitive to the vibrations of the universe" agent doesn't
interest me one bit. She was nervous, but too smiley, like she didn't get
the gravity of the situation, or maybe that was nervous smiling, I dunno.
Scully is irritated by the VERY SUGGESTION that Mulder's disappearance is
the result of anything else BUT an ALIEN ABDUCTION. Why?? Again, this is
a woman who laughed off UFO's for seven years despite Mulder's belief that
his sister was taken by aliens, despite Mulder's assertion that he'd seen
UFO's despite her OWN eye-witness viewing (aliens in Paper clip, UFO in the
movie). But Skinner sees one and she has to yell at anyone who refuses to
believe what she would have called nonsense a few years (or even months)
ago? She stomped off in a huff A LOT in this one.

In the "one take" department, she storms off and Dogg follows, miffed that
she doesn't think the world kooky Agt. Reyes (she SMOKES! she SWEARS! she
SMILES! ain't she neat?) the sun is in the camera, almost completely
obscuring both actors for most of the scene. Then Gillian MISSES HER MARK
and has to back up the hill a step or two so she's not too short for the
close up. Just shoot it again. That'd probably cost you a half-grade
deduction at Long Beach State, Chris. And wherever you matriculated, Kim
Manners. "Enjoy your new company!!" Scully spits at
Dogg--inexplicably...jealous? Or something? Scully is such a bitch to
Dogg, and I dodn't really know why. Mulder was confiding in the pilot, why
haven't these two--we're more than halfway in to the season--gotten to know
one another? At least he seems to care about her, but I'm not sure it
anything beyond chivalry at this point.

Scully learns Agt. Monica is more like "Agent Moonbeam," and open to the
idea that Mulder was alien abducted but still things its some sort of
ritualistic cult thing, she smiles. "Moonbeam and Dogg," She's OUT THERE,
he's BY THE BOOK imagine the wacky possibilities! Coming this fall to Fox!

Reyes finds a dead abductee, the friend of the UFO nut from the opening
scene, both of them had been in Oregon in the finale. scully gets all
choked up, but is peeved when this guy gets upset over his dead maimed
friend and rudely tells him to leave "Your dead friend is merely a metaphor
for my fears about what has happened to Mulder, so can you get the hell out
of here so I can cry and then do an autopsy??" Very un-Scully.

"I sense your fear"--Agt. Reyes actually says this to Dogg, like she's
freaking Counselor Troi from Star Trek with empathic powers. This is not
happening.

We learn that Moonbeam was an agent who helped find Dogg's son after he was
kidnapped and murdered--we don't know how long ago (not too long ago as
Moonbeam is late 20's early thirties) and he fears Scully is setting
herself for false hope thinking Mulder's alive and not murdered. As far as
we know, Scully doesn't know any of Dogg's family tragedies, which seems
odd. Of course, Carter doesn't know the difference between teasing and
antagonizing, building interest and building resentment. Maybe they had an
intense and moving discussion about his son off camera, that'd make sense.

Didn't the picture of Mulder Scully showed to the cult leader look like she
tore it out of "Tiger Beat"? Is Justin Timberlake on the other side?

Nice to see Jeremiah Smith, the healing guy, but wasn't the shoe shot
stupid? When Scully picks the guy she THINKS (??moonbeam moment?) is
Smith, they pan down ominously to show us the WHITE NIKES! PROVING IT IS
SMITH! Wouldn't it have been a cooler scene if we weren't sure if Scully
was off her rocker a bit, hissing at the guy that she knows he's Smith and
THEN he reveals himself? The answer is yes.

Then, Skinner comes in and KNOWING THEY'VE FOUND MULDER'S DEAD BODY LYING
IN A FIELD, tells her *meaningful look* that she needs to come with them,
and doesn't tell her he's dead? Doesn't break the news or take her away or
anything? That was just horrible. then Scully runs back to get Smith who
gets abducted by the bad aliens--scully, runs into the house as it's
getting probed--having no fear for her unborn child THIS week, says "This
is NOT happening" the way I did when I lost my damn CHECKBOOK, not my
soulmate, drops to her knees and says "NOOOOooooooooooooo!" in a really
weak scene that's like a parody of "you killed my partner" scenes from
really bad movies" ala the (intentionally hilarious) one Matt LeBlanc does
in "Charley's Angels." Really should have had her do another one, Kim. I
saw her give an Oscar-worthy ( a curse on you, Joan Allen) performance over
the weekend, she's won an emmy, she can do better than that.

And, that's it until April 1st. where, you can be sure, the joke will
continue to be on us, the fools still watching this once great, now lame
show. They leave us with Mulder's dead maimed body in a field, and then
the teaser for next week is "Join us for those WACKY Lone Gunmen, its gonna
be a HOOT! We sure don't give a crap about Mulder, why should you?"

Why indeed? I will see what Gunmen is about, trying not to let my disdain
for Carter--who might just be a one-hit wonder, judging from his track
record. Still such an ego--his face is all over the X-Files website when I
go to get episode titles, he's doing television interviews for "Lone
Gunmen" and it baffles me. I mean, think about it, does Aaron Spelling go
on Letterman? Have you ever seen Stephen Cannell or Don Bellasario or
Marcy Carsey on Leno? And those are people that have had WAY more than one
hit show. Carter, get over yourself. Quick.

Anyway, don't know if you'll get a "Lone Gunmen" review, though I might
have to because I love holding you all hostage to my opinions. If you
aren't getting my "Survivor" thoughts and want to, let me know but be
advised I LOVE SURVIVOR and don't want to hear from you if you're a
non-believer.

Regardless, I may send out a short dispatch next week in honor of my 30th
birthday on March 8th (hint hint, like last year, I don't need the gifts
but I LOOOOOOOVE the attention :D ). Feel free to make the "old" jokes,
but I'm fairly immune to them as I don't feel "behind schedule" in any way
nor am I very grown-up. What do I have planned for the big day? Are you
kidding, its THURSDAY--I gotta watch "Survivor"!

Have a great week X-Files free March. Christine :)