Survivor 2.9

OOOOH what a beautiful MORNING Oh What a Beautiful Day. I've got a
beautiful feeeeeeeeeling! Everything's going my way!!!!

If you notice a little skip in a co-worker's step: they watched this week's
Survivor. If someone let's you merge on the freeway--they're a fellow
Survivor viewer. If Puff--or, excuse me, P-Diddy and J-Lo announce they've
reconciled, if the SUN IS SHINING JUST A LITTLE BIT BRIGHTER ALL OVER THE
GREAT BIG BEAUTIFUL WORLD OF OURS, I think we all know why: Let the
glorious news be spread, the wicked young witch at last is DEAD!!!

WoooooooooooooooooooooHoooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

This is made even sweeter by the fact that Stupid Sue raves about Jerri in
this week's TV guide. She says Jerri should win because she's honest about
being a bitch and she isn't fake. What Sue is too dumb to get is that
Jerri actually IS trying to pretend to like these people, she just can't
pull it off. Remember when Sue said her famous line about proving that
rednecks weren't as dumb as people thought? Didn't she prove just the
opposite? She's still so danged honored that someone as booklearn'd as Rich
saw fit to pick her for his alliance that she TO THIS DAY doesn't see how
shrewdly he used her and then tossed her aside.

But enough about the past, let's get back to March 29th, 2001. A day that
will live in...the opposite of infamy.

It's raining. the tent's leaking, the fish are hiding in the muddy water,
life is sucking hard-core for Bear Monday, but especially Jerri who huddles
in the tent, "I don't know if you saw The Wizard of Oz, but...if I go out
in that rain, I'm gonna melt faster than butter on a hot paella pan."
Keith is almost giddy with misery, and like a yuppie who finally gets to
rope an aged steer at the dude ranch he can't wait to restart the fire and
relate to us how TOUGH life can be in THE OUTBACK. "This is exactly the
sort of life experience I hoped to acquire out here. I'm hoping to get a
few dozen anecdotes and ice-breakers out of this. It almost makes up for
the psych test I failed when I tried to get into the Army twenty years
ago."

Food is scarce. Even so, the tribe still has to contend with The Goddess
of Rice. "Let's eat," says the tribe. Keith replies, "Uh...yeah...uh...if
uh...Jerri...says it's OK--that's Okay with you, oh mistress of the Cooking
Pot?" Jerri scowls.

Colby and Lizzie picking up the mail! k-I-s-s-I-n-g! first comes love,
than comes an alliance then comes a lawsuit when Jerri finds out!

The reward challenge requires the group to split into guy-girl teams and
everyone says 'let's draw names out of a hat! that's fair!' And Jerri
hisses at them "Since when is this about fair? I should get Colby. I
always get my way and you all get screwed. That's how Survivor is played!"
Of course, the Sorting Hat is no match for Jerri's dark magic, and she
gets Colby regardless--though it does place her in Slytherin...

Doesn't that dry river bed they're camped in look like a road? I keep
expecting someone to yell, "Car!" and see the whole crew move their camera
set ups etc aside so the vehicle can pass.

Jerri says "Ironically, I got what I want. Plus, I showed everyone who's
boss. I think I just scored some MAJOR leadership points." Ironically,
Jerri misuses the word "ironically," but later, after her hour of boasting
and plotting and ranting and raving and fantasizing and smoking the crack
pipe about how people LIKE her--she gets the boot. Isn't it Ironic...don't
you think?

Colby is chafing at Jerri's bit, he doesn't want to be partners with her,
but he wants to win and he does--and almost kills Jerri in the process--I
mean, did you SEE him throw her over that wall and practically slam her to
the ground?? A little hostile are we, Colbster?

Later, everyone waits for the helicopter. Jerri mistakes her tribesmen's
latent anger and passive aggressive teasing about her missing the
helicopter as good-natured ribbing, but still vows to destroy them in her
mind. "I keep winning everything, which, has got to hurt these loser's
feelings...but, I'm Jerri. I kick-ass, I just can't help it. Did you ever
see Cocktail with Tom Cruise? I'm like, the female Tom Cruise in
Cocktail." Once again, the losers get the reward of no Jerri. Colby
decides if he wins the million, he'll buy a helicopter to fly over
Southfork.

Colby tells Jerri they should take a break from plotting and enjoy the
break, which is code for "Shut the hell up, woman!" Jerri cackles to
herself, "Come to the dark side. Join me, and we will rule side by side.
It is YOUR DESTINY!" Colby and Jerri get a huge spread of fruit,
champagne...but, I mean, the Doritos are the BEST. They're even better
than the whole seven wonders of the world crap, whatever. DORITOS: The
longer we starve you, the better they taste.

Back at camp, Nick has a stunning insight: "I think...it would have been
cool to win that challenge. Going to the Great Barrier Reef for a feast
and some scuba diving...seems like it might be better than starving here at
our boring-ass camp gathering kindling."

Scantily-clad Colby ALMOST makes up for having to listen to jerri's ravings
about how romantic it is to be here with Colby. What color is the sky in
Jerri's evil nightmare world? How can she NOT see that he can barely
tolerate her anymore? "I couldn't have come out here with a better person.
I mean, face it, Colby is the best-looking guy out here. This is like a
first date without the sex--I mean, a HONEYMOON without the sex...and the
friendship...and the trust...and the honesty...and the commitment...and
even the most rudimentary understanding of who the other person really is.
You know, I have a real tender side when I'm smoking crack and thinking
about how much everyone loves me."

Colby brings back coral for everyone, and even adds a personal touch "Tina,
if you can make it out, I engraved the state seal of Tennessee on your
piece, Uh, Keith here's yours, I wittled it into the shape of a paella
pan..." Jerri shakes her head bitterly, "Colby went and played the "human
card," giving everyone gifts to indicate...ca...car...caring? Is that
what you mortals call it? Interesting strategy. I still think my disdain
for mankind is going to carry the day. Colby and I are neck and neck
though and I think he just got one-up on me today." Uh, actually Jerri,
Colby's coral-stunt put him up FIFTY THOUSAND on you, okay babe? Ah,
Jerri, Positively 4th Street, as usual.

Nik, Liz and Rodger go to the Kucha fishin' hole where they always go to
talk about how it sucks to be losers. Nick knows he's next and he's gotta
win.

News of the immunity challenge comes. When the poem mentions boats, that
crafty Keith suspects WATER might be involved....ya think? Keith then, as
usual, tries too hard to be clever when Jeff asks for the immunity idol
back and says "Third times a charm." Jeff, "Huh?" Keith "Uh." Jeff. "So,
you're gonna win again for sure, eh?" Keith, "ER...I don't
know...Uh...I've been, er lucky, urk." Jeff brings out an un-bewitched
sorting hat, dooming Jerri. Colby "playfully" suggest that Jerri hang
herself from a tree--JUST KIDDING :D Nick's victory gains him the immunity
idol he so desperately needed and assures us that we will lose someone
interesting at tribal council. My fave moment was when Keith was trying to
be Indiana Jones on the box with Rodger:"I love you like a brother,
Kentucky Joe, but you have got to gooOOOOOOOO--SPLASH!!!!" Third time WAS
a charm, for those needing you taken down a peg or two, chef boy.

Nick gains points for telling Liz and Rodger he's sorry his immunity means
one of them is probably a goner. He really does care. Amber is more than
ready to eliminate one of Kucha, "They've come to accept our dominance and
control over their fate, O Dark One. Crushing them is a mercy they almost
don't deserve." Liz lobbies Tina to change her vote to Jerri, but Tina
reminds her (in a stunningly un-survivor-like display of candor) that it
really does suit Ogakor to get rid of all the Kucha's--that's the game.

Colby Keith and Tina struggle over the decision to oust Elisabeth. If Nick
were available it would be sooo easy. But sweet lil Elisabeth? Good ol'
Rodger? These three are having the conversation I've been anticipating for
weeks--the longer they let Jerri hang around, the closer she gets to the
money--what if she gets to the final two on immunity? They have the
numbers, they can get rid of Kucha later, but getting rid of Jerri now
would be sooo good. And right. And FAIR. And pretending to like Jerri
even a little is crushing Colboy's spirit. BUT, leaving anyone in Kucha is
a risk if they immunity their way into the final two, and Jerri next to you
at the end (contrary to her high opinion of herself) is a million dollar
check from CBS.

Tribal council, Juror Alicia looks good and ready for the cover of the
fitness video she HAS to get after her turn on Survivor. Jeff gives Jerri
just a little more rope to hang herself when he wonders if she's really
shown the real her (I am not kidding, if Jerri broke up Jeff P's marriage I
won't be at all surprised. There's a vibe between them.) Jerri tries to
erase 28 days of being a full-on hard-core hell-bitch with the vague
assurance that "this isn't really who I am. I am...whoever you want me to
be so I can win, OK? Glad we're straight on that, see ya Elisabeth!" I
think she was trying to suck up to Alicia or something, I dunno. The look
on Liz's face when Jerri was raving about her self is a classic.

Rodger lies for the first time when he tells us that Jerri is in a good
mood sometimes--that can't be true! Repent! Amber votes for Elizabeth,
with another of her editorial cartoons. A sad face--there is still good in
Amber...I can feel it! She's feeling MIGHTY good about being the Right
Hand of the Dark Maiden, though. Hee hee hee. Jerri votes for Elisabeth
too, "You are the most lovable, likable human I've ever met, and that is
why you must be destroyed." Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the most
likable Survivor of all? WHY IT'S FAIR ELISABETH YOU SEEK.


Everyone else voted for Jerri. All of em. Colby, Keith and Tina did what
I've been begging be done for weeks, though I did NOT expect it. I had
Nick pegged as next to go, figuring they would play the strategy and leave
Jerri around for contrast if nothing else, but good won out, they couldn't
do let her stay another moment. Last season I waited 16 weeks for Rich to
go and it never happened. This year, week nine, the week we lost Jenna in
season one. Amber's take was great--a little lonely are we? Actually,
she's just been promoted from Sean to Sue--it will be fascinating to see
what happens. I'm curious if Ogakor is the final four, what happens if
Amber gets immunity? Who do Colby Tina and Keith turn on? I love it!
Every thing has changed in the blink of an eye. I half expect next week to
open with the Bear Monday's dancing around the campfire with that Yub-Yub
song from Return of the Jedi playing. The Emporer is DEAD!! Celebrate the
Life!! Celebrate the Love!!

So, tomorrow, don't be surprised if you hear "Celebration" by Kool and the
Gang on the radio like thirty times, America is one happy place to be right
now--I bet the NASDAQ will even be up. My confidence is certainly up, who
needs Greenspan, Jerri's been voted off Survivor, everyone go out and buy a
steak dinner. Or a fur coat. Or a new car! The only loser: Alicia, who
might have to hang with her back at the hotel :(

Next week: CBS offers the starving cast members a couple bags of rice--but
at WHAT PRICE?? As a former CBS employee, I don't envy the suckers. If
you knew how hard I had to fight just to make $7.93 an hour when I was in
the Mailroom--oh not $8.00, what are you crazy? You think CBS Television
could afford to pay me 7 more cents an hour--do you know what that would be
in OVERTIME? 10 and a half cents an hour!! They need that money to buy
balloons for the parties they throw for themselves!!

Fortunately, I've moved on and am not the least bit bitter.

Anyway, if there's one thing CBS is good at, it's putting the screws to
desperate people. Food's gonna cost them immunity or something. Money
from the final pot. Their first born children to become the property of
Viacom, something. Jerri gets to come back and play the bongos while they
eat? *shudder* Have a great week--how could you not? Christine :D :D :D
:D :D :D

Survivor recap recap.

Hey kids, thought some of you may have skipped yesterday's "special"
presentation of Survivor, which essentially showed us highlights and
recapped all the voting. There WAS some unseen footage though. It was
kinda lame but some of it was interesting so here goes.

They began by showing the plane land--didn't show us all the barfing.
Remember how Debb and Kimmi took an immediate disliking to one another? In
retrospect its as irrelevant as the Dallas Cowboy-San Francisco 49er
rivalry on the road to Super Bowl 35. That hurt to say, but its true.

Debb was a bit of a boss.
Disagree, and she would get cross.
She and Kimmi would fight
about who was right
Neither were much of a loss.

UNSEEN FOOTAGE!!! Colby kept his team up all night snoring! WOw, that
changes EVERYTHING.

What the special did for me was highlight and underscore why I hated many
of those who were voted off. For example, we saw more of bratty Mitch as
he plots to glean as much information from Kel as he can before they get
rid of him. Mitch is such a loser. So smug as he plans on voting everyone
who isn't as cool as he and Jerri are, but unable to bring the same kind of
passion to WINNING FREAKING IMMUNITY. Winning as a team you dummy.

Kel goes around saying he's mentally and physically strong and an Army
captain, it's his mantra. Did he smuggle in some beef jerky? I doubt it,
but he was creepy. He did make himself a loner, he didn't try to fit in
and he was weird, I'm sorry. Jerri and her clique won't apologize for
their actions, and Mitch Amber AND Colby all believe Jerri's lie (Why
didn't she confront him when she saw the alleged incident)?

They show a previously unseen exchange where Keith and Mad Dog tell him how
the others searched his bag. Keith and Mad Dog apologize for the others
behavior and tell him he has a right to be angry, kel responds, "My
programming indicates that I should register disapproval about this breech
in protocol, i.e. the searching of my gear. But I have not been programmed
to show emotion therefore, I am not angry at the poor behavior of the other
tribe members." Kel is all about denial. Denying he is angry--he MUST
have been, in that deep dark place where he stores and catalogs and shelves
all his "bad" feelings. He should have called the others on the carpet and
would have probably won some respect. As it is, so long "Army of One."
Mitch thinks he's hilarious when he votes for Kel, writing his name as
"Kelly." Yeah, your time is coming "Bitch."

We see Kimmi throwing a hissy fit about the fires, and more of Jerri's
fired drum song. Ogakor delights in how lousy Keith's Outback cooking is.
You gotta wonder how hungry these jerks really are. I've eaten cold rice
in school cafeterias or when I miscalculate the microwave...Jerri literally
can't stop smiling as she relates to the camera how bad it was. Jerri is a
lousy actress, good thing she makes kick ass Rum and Cokes.

We learned that Kucha had a waterfall they used as a Jacuzzi. Ogakor sings
around the campfire--Jerri sings Fiona Apple's "criminal" badly but her
tribe bows down at her feet. Tina stabs Mad Dog in the back, indicating
that she made a promise to someone else (who, we wonder, Jerri?). We watch
Michael do a fish autopsy as he points us all the edible organs, mmmm. The
looks on Elisabeth and Alicia's faces during this presentation were
priceless.

Michael ditches Jeff to go fishing, which infuriates Alicia. Jeff tells
the camera that the pity that Alicia and some of the others feel for him
after this episode is actually "respect." He cackles with glee at turning
everyone against Michael, then the others, with his machivellian
manipulating skills. Later, we see him taunt Kimmi about the pig they're
all gonna eat. My fave Jeff moment his when the super genius jumps off the
log because he's "too cool" to fight for the immunity he so desperately
needs, ha ha you arrogant creep.

Tina suggests a campfire game where everyone says something nice about the
others. Keith says about Jerri: "Well, out here in the outback, I hate
you, obviously, but under a different set of circumstances...maybe we
wouldn't have to have anything to do with one another." Jerri apologizes
for her "control freak" issues, and gets kudos from her tribe for being
such a big person in saying "sorry" to Keith. This is the night before she
plans to oust him though-- a plan that falls through when Colby sides with
Tina and Keith to get rid of the emaciated Mitch. The "buried hatchet"
rises from the sand beach.

Jerri pisses off Colby over the travois building, but Amber and Jerri can't
even put two and two together between the two of them and wonder "why is he
so mad? Did someone say something to him?"

Jeff, in a true case of the rice pot calling the paella pan black, marvels
at what how "arrogant" Keith is. Not to arrogant to suffer for that
immunity necklace, jeffy Jeff. Alicia's next after her pal Jeff. THE END.
Next week, a real episode of Survivor on Thursday, where it belongs.
Christine :)

Survivor Outback week eight--half way point!

But Nine weeks to go, as CBS wants to push the finale deeper into May
Sweeps. Next week, clip show of the first eight weeks with "never before
seen footage." Bastards! All I'm hearing is no new survivor for two
weeks--I don't know if I can do it!!! >:0

The Bear Monday's (or "barramundi's, a native fish if you MUST know) are
settling in. Tina's oft-featured backgammon set might start a craze. I'd
bring cards, I think. Liked the idyllic music playing as the sun rises on
the camp. Kucha is STILL the better tribe, at least in terms of work
ethic. Rodger gets up early to fish with the gals while those lazy Ogakors
snooze. Alicia and Rodger talk over the fire about Michael. Rodger:"I
can't help but think, if that so-called outdoorsman Michael hadn't fainted
in the fire, we wouldn't be screwed, you reckon?" Alicia: "Straight up,
Kentucky Joe." Alicia shows she's a true New Yorker-- a tough city girl
who knows the score. The writing's on the wall, she's strongest and she's
next. Unlike 1st season's Greg, she won't stoop to flirting with Jerri the
way he did with Rich. She's got her dignity. She's already resigned to
being on the jury when the show opens, but sweet Elisabeth isn't trying to
hear THAT. "I hope it doesn't sound mean or anything, but I came here to
win and, gosh darn it, I'm gonna try to, even it involves opening a can of
whoop-butt on somebody." Is she Pollyanna---or John Paul Jones? Either
way, I like your style Elisabeth, play on! Even if she's doomed (and
that's not for sure by any means) she could be this year's Colleen. Sweet,
fun to listen to, destined for a chapstick commercial if she wants it. My
fave moments last year were Colleen's Yoda-like monologues, perched up in
her tree.

Anyone notice Elisabeth sits next to Colby a LOT? Touches him a lot? But
then, who wouldn't, given
the chance? His stock didn't go up with me this week. Sitting around
gloating about how powerful they are now and playing backgammon while Kucha
goes fishing--say is that why you all never ate down in Ogakor? The whole
"work" thing?

Tina tells Elisabeth not to count herself out: "I haven't been loyal to
anyone in my tribe for very long, you definitely have a chance at swaying
me over to your side, sweetie." Now, are they playing with her? I don't
think so. I think Keith, Tina and perhaps Colby are shopping for a new
fourth, and Elisabeth and Rodger are looking mighty good next to Evil Jerri
and her lackey, Outback Barbie.

Keith tells Rodger "My father never really (sniff) understood me, and he
never took me fishing...you're the older brother I never had. I love you,
man!" Later, he tells the camera, "It's like we're family. One big
conniving, lying made-for television family on CBS. Oh I'm sorry, that's
"Falcon Crest." So far, Keith has caIled Tina his sister and
Rodger his brother. If he DOES have a family watching, they're feeling a
little
inadequate right now. I feel like, if you're related to Keith, or even if
you work for him or whatever, you spend a lot of time saying :"Um, do you
have...something you want to say? Have I offended you in some way?" "No,
no." "Well...it FEELS like you're angry at me." "No, I'm not mad...It's
just *insert grievance here.* But, it's no big deal, I'm sure you didn't
mean to hurt me/ruin things/embarrass me."

Jerri: "The humans are starting to bond. In retrospect, being an arrogant
bitch may have been bad strategy. AMBER!! Help me guard the rice!! DON'T
LET THE SITTING DUCKS TOUCH IT." Jerri and her stooge, Amber, having lost
Mitch, have named the rice pot as the third member of their alliance. I
loved Liz's Jerri impression. I smell a "Minute Rice" endorsement deal for
Jerri when this over: "Ye with souls, I may be the spawn of Satan, but
there's ONE thing we can agree on, and that's rice. No one likes mushy
rice, and with "Minute Rice," you won't have to stand for it. Demon and
man alike can enjoy a delicious meal with "Minute Rice." Don't pass out
when you're standing over the stove Michael, the water is HOT!!" *Jerri
stands stirring the Minute Rice with that damn tight smile of hers she
thinks passes for polite* You know the one. The "It's actually quite an
honor for you that I'm standing here talking to you in my cool hat--I saw
Jennifer Lopez wearing one just like it in "In Style" magazine. I once
made
boilermakers for Jennifer Lopez's bodyguard's BROTHER."

Tina :"Hard to imagine it, but Jerri's even more of an insufferable bitch
when you compare her to these good Kucha folks." Rodger leads the group in
a blessing. "It's so cute when the humans pray to other gods," Jerri
chuckles.

Rodger gives Alicia some fishing tips and some comfort--she's resigned to
leaving and plays it cool with Pagong's mantra "It's just not fun anymore."
Alicia seems to have mellowed.
Loved that Liz, Alicia and Rodger were venting about Jerri around the
fishin hole the same way AMERICA will dish about her around the water
cooler
later. Alicia even laughs at Jerri's NOW one-sided thing for Colby (she
missed all their deep "NO WAY, you'd rather eat cookies than green beans??
ME TOO!! banter of the early weeks) Liz fears she may be a "dumb optimist"
hoping Jerri will soon be
gone--well, you and me both, sister. Tina insists "She'll get hers." I
hope
"hers" isn't a cool million from the folks at CBS.

Reward challenge. Jeff cows to Jerri's demand for more screen time and
lets her read the menu for the banquet: Shrimp, Chicken, Salmon...would
Kimmi have been allowed to take two people? Actually, she might just taken
her bucket of rolls into the woods and cried. Jerri uses her voodoo
powers,
preventing anyone from beating her boomerang toss (I swear Amber won, but,
c'mon, same difference). Jerri struggles with the choice of a dinner
companion, "Uhm...you hate me...you hate me...OH, AMBER! My flunky! The
only person here who can STAND me, of course!" The happy tribesman par-TAY
back at camp, "Soggy Rice, drinking water boiled free of contaminants, no
Jerri--It doesn't GET any better than this!"

Keith and Tina are pretty sly. It doesn't hurt them now to bag on Jerri,
and as more votes swing her way, she becomes the most vulnerable. Colby
doesn't say anything, which Keith would probably chalk up to his baby
brother's being a gentleman. I'm not sure. Perhaps he's making sure no
one can quote his betrayal to Jerri, maybe he was too busy checking out
Elisabeth in the firelight, or maybe he really doesn't like to talk about
people behind their backs--I kid, I kid. Loved Alicia's "beauty queen"
Amber impression. Keith loses
points for admitting that Jerri makes him uncomfortable: "When Jimmy Carter
showed me a better way to make tortillas, I was honored. When George Bush
suggested I use more oregano in my spaghetti sauce, I took it in stride.
But Jerri makes me feel like I'm in a Tennessee Williams play!" *Everyone
shifts uncomfortably as dingos howl*

Meanwhile, Jeff asks the girls what's going on at camp. "I dunno, but we
sure are HUNGRY!" She growls seductively to Mr. Probst. Jerri is too
lonely and uninterested in her tribesmen to talk
about anything but the "food". Amber turns on Tina, bitching about her
former braiding-buddy's "chipperness." "She's all happy. She's all "I'm
gonna hang out with Elisabeth and Rodger, they're like, not EVIL? And I'm
all, like, whatEVER, y'know? Like, we have to backstab HER because, like,
she's
gonna backstab us. Which would BITE." Next week, CBS will show us the
satanic blood ritual the girls perform to ensure that they will make it to
the final four, it was a little too long for tonight's show. Sorry gals,
we learned from Jenna and Colleen last season (at an eerily similar banquet
with Jeff), a two person alliance just doesn't work. They vow to get Colby
back under their spell. Mercifully, though they continue to obsess a bit
over the food, but jerri doesn't mention the "chocolate."

CBS tries to tie all its shows into Survivor. 48 hours says 'Sure, eating
nothing but rice and sweating twice your body weight in the outback will
help you look great--here's Colby, man, look at that washboard. but what
about the pills THIS woman is taking?" NCAA tells us, "Hey, we had a final
four FIRST, OK? And we have guys with washboard abs and hot babes." Like
people who don't like basketball are really watching and thinking "Hey, I
didn't know March madness was like Survivor, count me in!"

Amber and Jerri return to camp, no one even TRIES to be glad to see them.
Jerri forces Colby's hand. She's worried that he's going to side with Tina
and Keith, and he has to lie to her. In a great example of moral
relativism, he maintains its Okay to lie when you're lying to Jerri.
America reaches across all racial, religious and party lines in agreement.
Jerri takes him at his word, "No one crosses me, I'm gorgeous AND possess
occultic powers." No mention of Jerri's famous kick-ass tortillas this
week--did the
flour make the trip from Ogakor or is Jerri holding out on Kucha?

Mail comes to the tribe. Nick reads it. Remember Nick? Black guy? Went
to Morehouse and Harvard? Helped catch the pig? No? Yeah, me neither.
"It's hip to be square," the clearly-familiar-with-CBS-programming blocks
assure him, but its a notion that Nick scoffs at. "I've always been QUITE
the hipster, and I assure you, there was no squareness involved." He
deduces some sort of fence building, while Rodger and Alicia somehow assume
strength will be involved, but they are all S.O.L. It's a mind game, and
Keith proves adept at those. Actually, the challenge is just
a life-size version of a game played with a piece of graph paper and a
pencil--is it called "boxes"? Anyway, same concept. Keith wins immunity
and pisses off Jerri in the process, a banner day he regrets not being able
to pop into his palm pilot: "It was Keith's turn to humiliate Jerri, in the
Battle of the Boxes!" He will mark the anniversary of tonight's challenge
with a bowl of soggy rice and some RIPE fried green tomatoes until the day
he dies.

Just me, or was the contest slanted towards Ogakor? Did Kucha opt to go
first and screw themselves or what? Or are they stupid? Seems like Ogakor
had all the chances to score big.

Reebok's ad contains rapid images of people being "unconventional",
including shots of those British guys who go around breaking peoples cell
phones and the nice people who go around smashing pies into people's faces.
So, we're PRO
terrorist now? No one told me. The Navy has a new recruitment slogan:
accelerate your life. It also might help their image if they stopped
accidentally killing people.

The gods voice their displeasure at the upcoming vote, realizing Jerri's
gonna stay, by attacking the camp with lightening bolts. At tribal
council, Jeff tries to stir the pot a little. He asks about tribal
differences: Elisabeth laughs, "Yeah, it seems we do everything completely
different. We pray, they play backgammon. We work, they play backgammon.
We used to have great conversations, now we can't with them snoring so
loud. But...they are REALLY good at cooking rice. We've learned SO much."

Then its on to the vote. Elisabeth votes for Jerri:"Jeepers creepers,
nothing personal. You're um...kinda loud." I love how we see these people
in their "confessional moments" around camp, ripping each other to shreds,
but when they
vote, they feel compelled to be diplomatic. UH, Jerri is going to watch
the WHOLE show, including the campfire party and the fishin hole bitch
fest, are you aware of this? They've also coined the euphemism on
Survivor: "It's your time to go." Which is Survivor for "I hate your
$%#*-ing guts." Rodger votes for Jerri but calls her a "nice kid" and
probably means it.

Can't you see Rodger on some "Waltons" like show, putting his arm around
Jerri and saying, "You gotta figure out what's making you so mad. Why,
I'll bet people would really like you if you just gave them half a chance
of seein' the real you." "G-gee, Rodger, do you really think so? I was
such a bitch about the rice." "Well, seems to me is Elisabeth is a mighty
reasonable gal. Why don't we go in and apologize to her." "You mean,
you'll come with me?" "I'll be with you every step of the way, kid."
"Thanks, Kentucky Joe! Maybe later, I'll show you how to make a tortilla
that doesn't suck, like yours."
Studio Audience: "Awwwwwwww! (into applause)" I really really WOULD watch
a "Friends"-like
show featuring those lovable kids of Pagong. I really would.

Jerri votes the Ogakor party line for Alicia, saying "We all respect your
awesome power. Please, please please don't kill me!!" Someone spells
Jerri's
name wrong, everyone take one drink. Alicia loses by one vote, becoming
juror number one. She saw it coming:

There once was a girl from New York
Rodger taught her to fish with a cork
Her killer physique
Made the others feel weak
She's ousted, but she is no dork

Thanks for the limerick, Jeffy. "Well, Alicia was my friend, OK? We were
having FUN when we were plotting our alliance, but it just stopped being
FUN when we lost, OK?"

Jeff thought that the game was all fun
He voted that Colby be done
If only he'd seen
that Jerri was mean
He'd have an alliance to run

Some analysis. I still see Tina, Colby & Keith as your last three. I
think they sincerely agree on wanting to dump the hateful Jerri before to
long. But Colby has to be careful about voting against Jerri--she'll hold
it against him, even if it's Tina and Keith's doing. They should get rid
of Jerri now, ASAP--immunity might give her the chance to slip past them.
You hate her? Good, do the right thing NOW, before its too late. Will
they keep Amber as their "Sean," a tool to use and discard once she's
outlived her worth? Remember, Seans oft-mocked alphabet voting system
benefited the alliance, so they kept Dr. Dumb around. Or will they trade
in
Jerri and Amber for Rodger and Liz--winning Kucha points with the jury,
perhaps? Will Colby's leadership role earn respect, or will the ousted
members resent him?

All kinds of weird crap went down in season one. Most stunningly, Rich
won, mainly due to the perception of the jury, who somehow though that
Kelli was a worse liar cuz she lied about lying while Rich said from the
beginning he was going to lie--uh, got that? I feel a lot of it was
gender-based: Rich was perceived as strong, Kelli a bitch for the same
behavior (playing to win). But then, Greg claims to have voted randomly
("pick a
number" was his final question, remember?) so, again, ANYTHING can happen.

Sue is still going around saying Kelli was wrong for lying about the
alliance, even though it helped Sue get to the final four and She herself
lied to the tribe, Jeff, America and God Himself when she said there wasn't
one. Sue and Rudy also stupidly maintained their loyalty to Rich in the
voting, even
after he stabbed BOTH of them in the back. I keep reading in TV Guide as
Gervase and Sue tell us the secrets to winning--uh, OK, losers. Sue is
especially funny because she accuses Pagong of making all these mistakes
like celebrating their early wins and winning reward challenges later, as
though ANY of it would've made a difference against her evil alliance. She
can't face reality--she was Rich's pawn from day one.

Wednesday again. Next week--a Survivor recap. Sneaky Kel, Stinky Kimmi,
Sticky
piggy--the gang's all here. Christine :)

Survivor 2.7

Believe the hype: Don't mess with Texas.

They got A-Rod, they got the White House, they got the Miss USA crown and
now, they have a pretty damn good shot at winning Survivor. CBS must be
frothing at the mouth--he don't need no liposuction for his closeup, yee
haw! People Magazine's Sexiest man Alive 2001: The Colbster.

Hmmm. CBS broadcasts Survivor AND Miss USA and...didn't Texan Dan Rather
call Florida for Dubya early!?!? Isn't this the Walker Texas Ranger
NETWORK? Something's afoot, people. I told Jen during the Republican
National Convention that there was something ominous about that sea of
white cowboy hats, but she chalked it up to demobrat paranoia. Who's
laughing now, Jen? Actually, Jen is still chuckling at how offended I was
that my tax bracket wouldn't be getting a tax break, even though I
ostensibly think the whole thing is a bad idea. "I thought you WANTED the
government to spend all your money on social programs", she mocked.

Jen and I both turned 30 yesterday. Not a big deal. I find the whole
"over
the hill" thing dated. It's a seventies sit-com thing to worry about, a
Jack Tripper-Ann Romano thing to worry about, rendered rather meaningless
as the people who warned us not to trust anyone
over thirty are now all over fifty. I'm glad I was born in 1971, and I'm
glad
I'm still alive in 2001. End of story. Anyway, the momentous occasion has
been overshadowed by devastating news out of England today: The Spice
Girls have broken up. Frost was right, nothing gold can stay.

At any rate, my deep abiding hatred of the evil Dallas Cowboys is too great
a force in my life for me to join this...I think we have to call it a
movement, folks. A New World Order with Texas leading the way, setting the
pace, making the rules. Damn it! I knew I should have gotten that Dixie
Chicks CD! To be safe, I've got Roy Orbison on as I write this, I just
have to pray that's enough protection for now...

USA TODAY ran an article the other day with a headline blaring "How real is
reality TV?" The author seems to feel we don't realize that we're watching
footage that has been edited and manipulated to tell a story. GASP! They
actually quote Sean, who claims he said all kinds of witty and brilliant
things that were edited out. I find that hard to believe, but if it's
true, so what? It's a television show. A brilliantly edited television
show, but, as Heather B from the very first MTV Real World once said to
Tami of Real World two when Tami was claiming not to have been a complete
bitch, they can't use anything you didn't give them. You came off the way
you did because of your own words and your own behavior. Heather B also
gave us the CBS Mailroom motto "Heather's gotta do for Heather." Whenever
you have to cut out of an obligation to pursue your interests, whenever you
need to absolve someone of the guilt they feel when they are being a little
selfish, whenever you have to take a personal day, just say "Hey, Heather's
gotta do for Heather." And people say you can't learn anything form TV.

I get so tired of these whiny TV people acting like Survivor is a threat to
writers. Survivor is not trying to be ER or NYPD Blue. Survivor is like a
football game. That's why its so exciting. It's not about who should win
or who wants it more or who deserves it more who needs it more. It's about
who shows up on game day and scores more points. Ten years ago, 1991, the
San Francisco 49ers were on their way to an unprecedented third consecutive
Super Bowl in a row. *Gonna make you Sweat" by C&C Music Factory playing*
They were the best team. They had the lead late in the 4th quarter--all
they had to do was run out the clock. But Roger Craig uncharacteristically
fumbled the ball, New York recovered and went on to play and win that
year's Super Bowl. It's like when the ball rolled between Bill Buckner's
legs in the '86 World Series--who could, or would, write that?

What's great about Survivor is every week, someone is gone and that void
completely changes the group dynamic. We bond with people over time, even
if they annoy us (Jenna, for example). And watching the show I get as
nervous as I do before a Niner Playoff game, worrying if Jerry Rice got
enough sleep the night before. As another network described it: "The
thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat. The human drama of athletic
competition." If Survivor is putting people out of work, so is the NFL,
and the NCAA and the freakin' Olympics. So shut up, Steven Weber--no one
watches your show because it SUCKS, stop blaming Survivor!

Kucha begins the episode plotting in the dark of their tent. They are on
the right track. They know that Kimmi revealed to Ogakor that Jeff had one
vote against him. They fear Colby, they mistake Jerri's bossiness during
the competitions as leadership. They think they should focus on them.
They also believe that Tina won't turn on her tribe (interesting
theory...). If Tina will not turn to the Dark Side than perhaps Amber
will...Even sweet Elisabeth and Kentucky Joe are determined and pleased
with their voting block. If only poor, gullible Pagong had had such a
plan.

Back at Ogakor, Jerri amuses herself with imagining what possible
calamities could have befallen the still-mysterious-to-them Kucha
tribesman. "Hey, maybe that old coot Rodger had a stroke!" She says,
barely containing a smile. You know, Rodger may be the oldest one left,
but he really isn't that old. I mean not "stroke eminent" old. He's 53.
Cher is older than Rodger, okay? So is Rod Stewart. Arnold
Schwarzengger.
Harrison Ford. Tina Turner. Bill Clinton. George Dubya. Robert DeNiro.
Olivia Newton-John is 53, for crying out loud, no one's following her
around with a travois and a heart monitor! (I would like to thank the
World Almanac for their assistance in composing this paragraph.)

Both tribes talk tough for the camera "They are different form us, they
suck!" But, they all hug and kiss and laugh and bond once they're
together. I don't think that was all fake, I think it's human nature to
want to fit in and like people and be liked. Jerri manages to hide her
Jerriness from the Kucha girls. Jerri wanted to harp on the lack of
matches SO BAD! "Keith's got the matches. Freaking Keith wants us to look
bad in front of the other tribe that no good rat bastard who I almost
succeeded in voting out until---oh, hey Alicia you wanna try one of my
special tortillas? Everyone says they kick ass!" As Tina says "It's in
Jerri's best interest not to show a hateful side," and, for a wonder, Jerri
masks her true wicked self. We'll see how long THAT lasts.

It was pretty odd that Tina felt compelled to defend Keith: "He didn't take
the matches on purpose, as God is my witness!" Uh, yeah, Tina. Here we
were all thinking wacky Keith was playing a prank. I'll bet he keeps them
in his pocket so that no one will try to cook without him. Lucky for the
girls, Jerri ignites the fire with her flaming demon breath, and the kick
ass tortillas are enjoyed by all. New Yorker Alicia is stunned to discover
her own long-ago repressed humanity, declaring she's decided that Ogakor
WILL get to eat some of Kucha's food when the tribes merge. So sweet. I
can't believe she didn't bring the bird food to share.

Then the conversation gets REALLY racy for CBS. I couldn't believe there
wasn't a graphic content warning for what happened next. The girl's
started in with all that "food" talk, and, as Colby and Jerri have assured
us, even when you're starving in the outback, if you're craving food you
have sex on the brain. Jerri even mentioned the chocolate syrup from her
ride 'em cowboy fantasy and...I didn't even know you could say "vanilla
tootsie roll" on network TV. Signed, Shocked and Appalled in LA.

Keith is overcome with the gentlemanly spirit of the Kucha men, who have
slain a chicken in honor of their arrival (they thought you were gonna be
hot babes, Keith). Anyone else think male-bonding is some foreign concept
that Keith has always longed for but only read about in Robert Bly books?
"These wonderful men, who I've only just met. It's as though we've been to
war together. We sat around a campfire and (sniff) talked about how we're
all on the same television show and...it was really meaningful. I'd lay
down my LIFE for these comrades in arms, my Brothers. It's also nice to be
with a group of people that don't include a bossy, evil actress who
threatens my manhood with her cold, cruel taunts and kick-ass tortillas."

Colby makes fun of the Kucha men for expecting to wine dine and beguile the
gals of Ogakor--hey we saw you washing your armpits in the pond, Colby,
don't tell us you'd have done that for Rodger! Jeff is somewhat
unimpressed with Colby, declaring that all he noticed about the guy was his
dazzling white teeth and big friendly smile. Isn't that what Alice said
about the Cheshire Cat?

Our friends at Survivor throw a wrench in the works and make BOTH tribes
move, but treat them to a picnic. We get no "love connection" ala last
season's meeting of the...er, minds of Jenna and Sean. Nick finally
reveals a personality--and it turns out he's a fussy cracker-counting hall
monitor! Must have been fun at the Morehouse BBQ's: "Uh, Shanice, it
everyone has two corn-on-the-cobs, there won't be enough for everyone
else!" He will not forget the breakdown in order and protocol at the
Merger picnic. If Nick's vote ever becomes pivotal, HE will refer to his
own tie-breaker: "Amber, 22 crackers, one mug of wine, one slice of
watermelon. Colby, 27 crackers, TWO mugs of wine, Hogged the GRAPES!"

Jeff has other worries: "It's fifteen minutes into the picnic, and they've
been fake friendly like us the WHOLE time, and then they go and start
plotting the way we've been doing! We're supposed to win, we prayed about
it OK? Michael almost DIED so we could win. We're the tribe that has a
plan, THEY'RE supposed to be the stupid unsuspecting tribe, OK? This isn't
as FUN as it was before."

Then they have to build a shelter and everyone does as Jerri says, then
bitches to the camera that they were all in agreement that Jerri was wrong
but too chickensh** to stand up to that scary scary bartender. Colby
claims his wussiness is "strategy." "How can I be a threat? Watch Jerri
emasculate me and ignore my ideas. Would a LEADER allow that? Hee hee,
all part of the Colbsters plan." Riiiight.

The tribe decides to name themselves after a great big Australian fish that
my closed-captioning and I agree is called a "Bear Monday." Jerri: "For
some reason, it seemed appropriate to name the tribe after something slimy
and dangerous, bwahhahha!"

Then we get right down to business with the first immunity challenge for
bear monday. Its so basic, I love it. Last person to step off this log
wins immunity. Jeff is there to offer his unique and strangely not
contradictory blend of comfort and mental cruelty. Our favorite target
Kimmi's gone, but let's do some Survivor math anyway, shall we? There will
be a TIE. All 5 kuchas will vote alike, all 5 ogakors will vote alike.
The only people at risk are those who've had votes cast against them. In
Ogakor's case, its Jerri and Keith. In Kuchas case it is ONLY Jeff. Kucha
isn't sure who's been voted for, they are flying blind. Seems Colby's
soaking Jerri at the last reward challenge before the merger might have
given them a clue, she WAS on their short list, but I guess they were too
busy doing that silly victory dance to notice. ANYWAY, Jeff KNOWS that
THEY know that he has a vote from Kimmi--and he jumps off that log, WHY?
"This is CRAZY! I CAN'T figure out why everyone's so worried. Alicia' and
Elisabeth aren't in any danger, I AM. But, I'm gonna save my strength for
all the OTHER immunity challenges to follow, it'll be FUN to...Oh, crap!"

Colby's plan works. Keith gets immunity and Colby draws enemy fire away
from Jerri--you gotta hand it to Ogakor, they have learned what teamwork
is--this week, anyway. Keith and Jerri even play nice--but for how long?
Will the war of the paella pan ever TRULY be over? Jeff whines that Kimmi
got him booted off--hey, if you weren't such a jerk to her, maybe she would
have felt compelled to protect you, Jeffy. Or you could have stood on the
damn log for 11 hours, if you had the mental toughness of a house fly.
What comes around, goes around.

I will mess Jeff's tribal diatribes. He was almost poetic with Colby:

"There once was a cowboy from Texas
Whose leadership role we suspected
When came tribal hour
we feared Lone Star's power
So we vote his bad self be X'ed"

Who knows what next week might have brought:

"There once was a bartender/actress
Who made us choose sand for a mattress
Not one vote will switch
We think she's a bitch
And send her back to Satan's fortress."

We can only hope.

I was very pro-Kucha last week, but I gotta give props to Ogakor for
stopping their slide, sucking it up, gutting it out. Plus I'm glad snotty
Jeff can't win. Jerri is the only real villain left, and unless she can
forge an alliance with the remainders of Kucha (she DID promise to stir it
up), she won't make the final four. And let no one ever say votes don't
count: Kimmi's "meaningless" vote when she was kicked out 6-1 made all the
difference tonight, and remember, Colby got 5 votes that will be hard for
him to duck if there's ever another tie. I see Keith, Tina and Colby as
the final three, but anything could happen--that's why you gotta love
Survivor! NEXT WEEK SURVIVOR IS ON WEDNESDAY!!!! DON'T FORGET!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wouldn't it be great if that Tribal Council music played when you went into
your bosses office to ask for a raise? Just a thought. Christine :)

Survivor 2.6

Just read in today's paper that Jeff Probst is getting a divorce. So much
for my "chilling with Jeff and his wife" idea :( I'll bet Jerri is somehow
behind this...


I try to avoid "spoilers" at all costs, but the CBS misinformation machine
is almost as fun as the show. USA today reported a possible Crocodile
attack, as well as a story that Rodger would fall off a horse! If CBS is
hiring people to go on the Internet and lie about Survivor, I'm available
as of March 13th...

Rich said in an interview that Jeff is his favorite player--why am I not
surprised?

CBS Commercials: "Big Apple." Whoa, let me get this show, a COP show? And
it's set in NEW YORK CITY?!?! WOW, sounds groundbreaking.

Onto the episode.

Jeff was his usual self :"Making fun of people is cool! It's fun to taunt
losers! I want to go eat a drumstick right in front of them and watch them
cry, IT'S FUN! I came here to win money, be smug and grow a beard so I
could look like George Michael and THAT's what I'm gonna do, OK?"

Michael was also in rare form: "I've always been amazing, but the longer
I'm out here the more incredible and strong I become. Who knows what will
happen if I stay sixteen more days. I could really become some sort of
god, or at the very least a superhero."

Meanwhile, Ogakar was fixated on food/sex, which, Jerri and Colby assure
us, are EXACTLY the same thing. Jerri: "Well, as I keep saying, I'm not
human. I'm a hellbeast. So my chocolate fixation HAS to mean I want to
have sex with Colby. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the
fact that all I've had to eat for two weeks is rice and my tortillas--which
kick ass, by the way." Colby: "The womenfolk are hollering about food,
that can only mean ONE THING. They want me."

Hey...did Miramax send some money CBS's way? Was all that just an
elaborate advertisement for Chocolat? I mean to say, SHAW-koh-LOT!!!! I
hate the phrase "Too much information," its so played out, but I honestly
have no other words for the Jerri/Colby/Hershey's fantasy. Though Jerri
can now use this tape to audition for "Taxicab confessions" on HBO.

Kucha are winners--in some respects, but I had to laugh as they discovered
that when you cook dried corn--it turns into POPCORN!!! NO FREAKING WAY!!!
If CBS tries to markets any kind of "Survivor party Mix" in the future,
uh, I'd avoid it if I were you.

Chicken Feed is PEEEEEEEOOOOPLE!! Seriously, I love how resourceful they
are. They aren't sitting on their laurels, they are trying new things.
Michael: "Let's kill the chickens so they won't eat anymore of our feed!"
Chicken: "Uh...anyone seen that Kimmi girl? She seemed BeeeGOOOCK! [nice]"

Now, I'm totally on Keith's side, because he is not Jerri, but he really
does over react about food. MAYBE he's right about the tomatoes, but when
YOU ARE STARVING EAT THE DAMN SOUR TOMATOES!!! Keith and Tina were acting
like they were sitting in some four-star restaurant. "I'm sending these
back, they aren't QUITE up to my exacting standards. Pass the runny bland
rice please." Tina is also amusing as she bitches about Keith and Jerri:
"They act like children. I miss Kel and Marylin, they were my friends.
Why can't they be here? Oh right, the whole backstabbing thing."

Keith and Colby are liked whipped husbands, you know? Jerri and amber are
like these nattering hens and Colby and Keith talk tough and say all the
right things in the interviews (the local bar), but at home they just sit
their looking pained but not saying a dang thing.

Amber and Jerri jump for joy at thoughts of a "picnic" wink wink, c'mon, we
all know what they were REALLY thinking about.

The montage of everyone "deciphering" the "riddle" were PRICELESS. Jerri:
"Well it says, picnic, so I'm wagering there's gonna be some food." Nick:
"It says only one can lead, and don't be afraid of the dark. I'm gonna
have to rely on my Harvard Law training and guess that ONE of us is going
to have to possibly LEAD the rest of the tribe in some sort of DARKNESS, or
DARK related challenge." Kucha practiced listening and functioning in the
dark: Smart. Ogakor let Jerri lead them in some "yoga". Jerri. "You know
who else does Yoga? Madonna. At the bar I work at? I once made a whisky
sour for Madonna's personal assistant's COUSIN. Anyway, face it. We are a
tribe of losers. I hope they take pity on us and let us win. That'd be
awesome."

This segment of "Survivor" is brought to you by Doritos: When you've been
starving in the Outback for two weeks, they're like manna from heaven!"
I'm pro product placement, by the way. I hate Mountain Dew, and I hate
Doritos, and WOULD have to eat rice for two weeks before I'd be desperate
enough to consume either, so I hardly feel manipulated. And I always hate
on TV when they drink that obviously fake "TV soda" that says "DIET SODA"
or whatever. It jolts be out of my suspension of disbelief.

Nick can yell? Who knew? I think Jerri's "yoga" was some sort of
mind-control trance. WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU PICK HER? The one person in
your tribe you've been practicing TUNING OUT. The most selfish. They hate
her voice, they were mad at her the whole time and she's up there yelling
nonsense--I was stunned it was so close. Nick was giving detailed info,
Jerri was assuming that, like her, Amber had eyes in the back of her head
and demon mind reading powers. I liked Colby giving Jerri a soaking, but,
COLBY, WHO PICKED HER? there's no I in team--there's also no U. Ogakor
just SUCKS. That dance mix/video of the survivor theme CBS attempted as
kucha did the victory dance was laaaaaaame.

Ogakor tries to keep it light, tries not to focus on what a big bunch of
loser crybabies they are. Colby's "Remember the Alamo" attitude for the
camera is great, but he feels so sorry for himself. He should have
directed his energies toward whipping his tribe into shape instead of
sulking and imagining himself in the other tribe and saying "Mna, ny tribe
sucks!"

Jerri: "Everyone was laughing and being warm and human, so I HAD to get out
of there and perform a satanic ritual. Everyone hates me here, I don't
know why. Maybe I can win over the other tribe. Back in LA I'm like,
everyone's favorite bartender. I make the best whiskey sours, they kick
ass. People actually seem to like me better when they're loaded, maybe
that's my problem. OH WAIT, I KNOW! I'm going to go into a trance here on
the beach and send my spirit over to Kucha and WRECK HAVOC!!!"

CUT TO: The very horrible fire accident. Wow, that was some intense
stuff. Even Jeff seemed to feel bad. Weird to see the crew and medics,
you really do forget about the folks behind the microphones and cameras and
equipment. The accident was something that could have happened to any
camper though, and I hope the fallout isn't too bad. I think CBS is taking
too much crap over this (picketing over the pig, etc.) and people need to
calm down and shut up and let us watch Survivor in peace.

Michael was a real trooper, and I will miss him, despite his
self-aggrandizing tendencies. I hate that this gives Ogakor some equal
footing they DON'T Deserve, especially as Jerri was sooo gonna be next I'll
bet. FIRE. Interesting. It was a FIRE that allowed Rich to win immunity
the day he was SOOO gonna be voted out ( I still wake up screaming about
his lighting that fire and that dumb dance, NOOOoooooooooo!!), and now
Jerri's witchcraft conjures a FIRE that dismisses Mad Mike instead of
Jerri. Coincidence? I think not.

Anyone else think it was weird that CBS chose to tell the survivors about
the accident in a vague note? Why not just tell them "Michael was burned
in a fire?" Odd time for gamesmanship. Jeff was funny talking about how
he HOPED Ogakor would be compassionate--not so fun to be on the other side,
now is it? Now he maintains, he's going to cut off their heads and drink
their blood --FOR MICHAEL. AHh, how very noble. It was poignant to end
the episode with the prayer and not a vote, though Rodger took a different
approach than the departed Michael and prayed to GOD, as opposed to
Michael's early episode prayer to himself.

I gotta say it, I'm rooting for Kucha. It will be interesting to see what
happens regardless though. Who will win immunity. Will the first group
vote be as shocking as last season's dismissal of our beloved Gretchen?
Switched alliances? Will Jerri sell out Ogakor? Anyone else feel like
last season's survivor seemed longer? Like the merger happened later? It
DIDN'T, but it feels like it did to me, anyone else?

I can't believe I didn't get to hear Jeff say "Let's go tally the votes,"
this week. SIGH. Next week, next week. Jeff is aghast that Keith and
Colby are PLOTTING already! I'm sure they're just having FUN, Jeffy.
Christine :D