Survivor Outback week eight--half way point!

But Nine weeks to go, as CBS wants to push the finale deeper into May
Sweeps. Next week, clip show of the first eight weeks with "never before
seen footage." Bastards! All I'm hearing is no new survivor for two
weeks--I don't know if I can do it!!! >:0

The Bear Monday's (or "barramundi's, a native fish if you MUST know) are
settling in. Tina's oft-featured backgammon set might start a craze. I'd
bring cards, I think. Liked the idyllic music playing as the sun rises on
the camp. Kucha is STILL the better tribe, at least in terms of work
ethic. Rodger gets up early to fish with the gals while those lazy Ogakors
snooze. Alicia and Rodger talk over the fire about Michael. Rodger:"I
can't help but think, if that so-called outdoorsman Michael hadn't fainted
in the fire, we wouldn't be screwed, you reckon?" Alicia: "Straight up,
Kentucky Joe." Alicia shows she's a true New Yorker-- a tough city girl
who knows the score. The writing's on the wall, she's strongest and she's
next. Unlike 1st season's Greg, she won't stoop to flirting with Jerri the
way he did with Rich. She's got her dignity. She's already resigned to
being on the jury when the show opens, but sweet Elisabeth isn't trying to
hear THAT. "I hope it doesn't sound mean or anything, but I came here to
win and, gosh darn it, I'm gonna try to, even it involves opening a can of
whoop-butt on somebody." Is she Pollyanna---or John Paul Jones? Either
way, I like your style Elisabeth, play on! Even if she's doomed (and
that's not for sure by any means) she could be this year's Colleen. Sweet,
fun to listen to, destined for a chapstick commercial if she wants it. My
fave moments last year were Colleen's Yoda-like monologues, perched up in
her tree.

Anyone notice Elisabeth sits next to Colby a LOT? Touches him a lot? But
then, who wouldn't, given
the chance? His stock didn't go up with me this week. Sitting around
gloating about how powerful they are now and playing backgammon while Kucha
goes fishing--say is that why you all never ate down in Ogakor? The whole
"work" thing?

Tina tells Elisabeth not to count herself out: "I haven't been loyal to
anyone in my tribe for very long, you definitely have a chance at swaying
me over to your side, sweetie." Now, are they playing with her? I don't
think so. I think Keith, Tina and perhaps Colby are shopping for a new
fourth, and Elisabeth and Rodger are looking mighty good next to Evil Jerri
and her lackey, Outback Barbie.

Keith tells Rodger "My father never really (sniff) understood me, and he
never took me fishing...you're the older brother I never had. I love you,
man!" Later, he tells the camera, "It's like we're family. One big
conniving, lying made-for television family on CBS. Oh I'm sorry, that's
"Falcon Crest." So far, Keith has caIled Tina his sister and
Rodger his brother. If he DOES have a family watching, they're feeling a
little
inadequate right now. I feel like, if you're related to Keith, or even if
you work for him or whatever, you spend a lot of time saying :"Um, do you
have...something you want to say? Have I offended you in some way?" "No,
no." "Well...it FEELS like you're angry at me." "No, I'm not mad...It's
just *insert grievance here.* But, it's no big deal, I'm sure you didn't
mean to hurt me/ruin things/embarrass me."

Jerri: "The humans are starting to bond. In retrospect, being an arrogant
bitch may have been bad strategy. AMBER!! Help me guard the rice!! DON'T
LET THE SITTING DUCKS TOUCH IT." Jerri and her stooge, Amber, having lost
Mitch, have named the rice pot as the third member of their alliance. I
loved Liz's Jerri impression. I smell a "Minute Rice" endorsement deal for
Jerri when this over: "Ye with souls, I may be the spawn of Satan, but
there's ONE thing we can agree on, and that's rice. No one likes mushy
rice, and with "Minute Rice," you won't have to stand for it. Demon and
man alike can enjoy a delicious meal with "Minute Rice." Don't pass out
when you're standing over the stove Michael, the water is HOT!!" *Jerri
stands stirring the Minute Rice with that damn tight smile of hers she
thinks passes for polite* You know the one. The "It's actually quite an
honor for you that I'm standing here talking to you in my cool hat--I saw
Jennifer Lopez wearing one just like it in "In Style" magazine. I once
made
boilermakers for Jennifer Lopez's bodyguard's BROTHER."

Tina :"Hard to imagine it, but Jerri's even more of an insufferable bitch
when you compare her to these good Kucha folks." Rodger leads the group in
a blessing. "It's so cute when the humans pray to other gods," Jerri
chuckles.

Rodger gives Alicia some fishing tips and some comfort--she's resigned to
leaving and plays it cool with Pagong's mantra "It's just not fun anymore."
Alicia seems to have mellowed.
Loved that Liz, Alicia and Rodger were venting about Jerri around the
fishin hole the same way AMERICA will dish about her around the water
cooler
later. Alicia even laughs at Jerri's NOW one-sided thing for Colby (she
missed all their deep "NO WAY, you'd rather eat cookies than green beans??
ME TOO!! banter of the early weeks) Liz fears she may be a "dumb optimist"
hoping Jerri will soon be
gone--well, you and me both, sister. Tina insists "She'll get hers." I
hope
"hers" isn't a cool million from the folks at CBS.

Reward challenge. Jeff cows to Jerri's demand for more screen time and
lets her read the menu for the banquet: Shrimp, Chicken, Salmon...would
Kimmi have been allowed to take two people? Actually, she might just taken
her bucket of rolls into the woods and cried. Jerri uses her voodoo
powers,
preventing anyone from beating her boomerang toss (I swear Amber won, but,
c'mon, same difference). Jerri struggles with the choice of a dinner
companion, "Uhm...you hate me...you hate me...OH, AMBER! My flunky! The
only person here who can STAND me, of course!" The happy tribesman par-TAY
back at camp, "Soggy Rice, drinking water boiled free of contaminants, no
Jerri--It doesn't GET any better than this!"

Keith and Tina are pretty sly. It doesn't hurt them now to bag on Jerri,
and as more votes swing her way, she becomes the most vulnerable. Colby
doesn't say anything, which Keith would probably chalk up to his baby
brother's being a gentleman. I'm not sure. Perhaps he's making sure no
one can quote his betrayal to Jerri, maybe he was too busy checking out
Elisabeth in the firelight, or maybe he really doesn't like to talk about
people behind their backs--I kid, I kid. Loved Alicia's "beauty queen"
Amber impression. Keith loses
points for admitting that Jerri makes him uncomfortable: "When Jimmy Carter
showed me a better way to make tortillas, I was honored. When George Bush
suggested I use more oregano in my spaghetti sauce, I took it in stride.
But Jerri makes me feel like I'm in a Tennessee Williams play!" *Everyone
shifts uncomfortably as dingos howl*

Meanwhile, Jeff asks the girls what's going on at camp. "I dunno, but we
sure are HUNGRY!" She growls seductively to Mr. Probst. Jerri is too
lonely and uninterested in her tribesmen to talk
about anything but the "food". Amber turns on Tina, bitching about her
former braiding-buddy's "chipperness." "She's all happy. She's all "I'm
gonna hang out with Elisabeth and Rodger, they're like, not EVIL? And I'm
all, like, whatEVER, y'know? Like, we have to backstab HER because, like,
she's
gonna backstab us. Which would BITE." Next week, CBS will show us the
satanic blood ritual the girls perform to ensure that they will make it to
the final four, it was a little too long for tonight's show. Sorry gals,
we learned from Jenna and Colleen last season (at an eerily similar banquet
with Jeff), a two person alliance just doesn't work. They vow to get Colby
back under their spell. Mercifully, though they continue to obsess a bit
over the food, but jerri doesn't mention the "chocolate."

CBS tries to tie all its shows into Survivor. 48 hours says 'Sure, eating
nothing but rice and sweating twice your body weight in the outback will
help you look great--here's Colby, man, look at that washboard. but what
about the pills THIS woman is taking?" NCAA tells us, "Hey, we had a final
four FIRST, OK? And we have guys with washboard abs and hot babes." Like
people who don't like basketball are really watching and thinking "Hey, I
didn't know March madness was like Survivor, count me in!"

Amber and Jerri return to camp, no one even TRIES to be glad to see them.
Jerri forces Colby's hand. She's worried that he's going to side with Tina
and Keith, and he has to lie to her. In a great example of moral
relativism, he maintains its Okay to lie when you're lying to Jerri.
America reaches across all racial, religious and party lines in agreement.
Jerri takes him at his word, "No one crosses me, I'm gorgeous AND possess
occultic powers." No mention of Jerri's famous kick-ass tortillas this
week--did the
flour make the trip from Ogakor or is Jerri holding out on Kucha?

Mail comes to the tribe. Nick reads it. Remember Nick? Black guy? Went
to Morehouse and Harvard? Helped catch the pig? No? Yeah, me neither.
"It's hip to be square," the clearly-familiar-with-CBS-programming blocks
assure him, but its a notion that Nick scoffs at. "I've always been QUITE
the hipster, and I assure you, there was no squareness involved." He
deduces some sort of fence building, while Rodger and Alicia somehow assume
strength will be involved, but they are all S.O.L. It's a mind game, and
Keith proves adept at those. Actually, the challenge is just
a life-size version of a game played with a piece of graph paper and a
pencil--is it called "boxes"? Anyway, same concept. Keith wins immunity
and pisses off Jerri in the process, a banner day he regrets not being able
to pop into his palm pilot: "It was Keith's turn to humiliate Jerri, in the
Battle of the Boxes!" He will mark the anniversary of tonight's challenge
with a bowl of soggy rice and some RIPE fried green tomatoes until the day
he dies.

Just me, or was the contest slanted towards Ogakor? Did Kucha opt to go
first and screw themselves or what? Or are they stupid? Seems like Ogakor
had all the chances to score big.

Reebok's ad contains rapid images of people being "unconventional",
including shots of those British guys who go around breaking peoples cell
phones and the nice people who go around smashing pies into people's faces.
So, we're PRO
terrorist now? No one told me. The Navy has a new recruitment slogan:
accelerate your life. It also might help their image if they stopped
accidentally killing people.

The gods voice their displeasure at the upcoming vote, realizing Jerri's
gonna stay, by attacking the camp with lightening bolts. At tribal
council, Jeff tries to stir the pot a little. He asks about tribal
differences: Elisabeth laughs, "Yeah, it seems we do everything completely
different. We pray, they play backgammon. We work, they play backgammon.
We used to have great conversations, now we can't with them snoring so
loud. But...they are REALLY good at cooking rice. We've learned SO much."

Then its on to the vote. Elisabeth votes for Jerri:"Jeepers creepers,
nothing personal. You're um...kinda loud." I love how we see these people
in their "confessional moments" around camp, ripping each other to shreds,
but when they
vote, they feel compelled to be diplomatic. UH, Jerri is going to watch
the WHOLE show, including the campfire party and the fishin hole bitch
fest, are you aware of this? They've also coined the euphemism on
Survivor: "It's your time to go." Which is Survivor for "I hate your
$%#*-ing guts." Rodger votes for Jerri but calls her a "nice kid" and
probably means it.

Can't you see Rodger on some "Waltons" like show, putting his arm around
Jerri and saying, "You gotta figure out what's making you so mad. Why,
I'll bet people would really like you if you just gave them half a chance
of seein' the real you." "G-gee, Rodger, do you really think so? I was
such a bitch about the rice." "Well, seems to me is Elisabeth is a mighty
reasonable gal. Why don't we go in and apologize to her." "You mean,
you'll come with me?" "I'll be with you every step of the way, kid."
"Thanks, Kentucky Joe! Maybe later, I'll show you how to make a tortilla
that doesn't suck, like yours."
Studio Audience: "Awwwwwwww! (into applause)" I really really WOULD watch
a "Friends"-like
show featuring those lovable kids of Pagong. I really would.

Jerri votes the Ogakor party line for Alicia, saying "We all respect your
awesome power. Please, please please don't kill me!!" Someone spells
Jerri's
name wrong, everyone take one drink. Alicia loses by one vote, becoming
juror number one. She saw it coming:

There once was a girl from New York
Rodger taught her to fish with a cork
Her killer physique
Made the others feel weak
She's ousted, but she is no dork

Thanks for the limerick, Jeffy. "Well, Alicia was my friend, OK? We were
having FUN when we were plotting our alliance, but it just stopped being
FUN when we lost, OK?"

Jeff thought that the game was all fun
He voted that Colby be done
If only he'd seen
that Jerri was mean
He'd have an alliance to run

Some analysis. I still see Tina, Colby & Keith as your last three. I
think they sincerely agree on wanting to dump the hateful Jerri before to
long. But Colby has to be careful about voting against Jerri--she'll hold
it against him, even if it's Tina and Keith's doing. They should get rid
of Jerri now, ASAP--immunity might give her the chance to slip past them.
You hate her? Good, do the right thing NOW, before its too late. Will
they keep Amber as their "Sean," a tool to use and discard once she's
outlived her worth? Remember, Seans oft-mocked alphabet voting system
benefited the alliance, so they kept Dr. Dumb around. Or will they trade
in
Jerri and Amber for Rodger and Liz--winning Kucha points with the jury,
perhaps? Will Colby's leadership role earn respect, or will the ousted
members resent him?

All kinds of weird crap went down in season one. Most stunningly, Rich
won, mainly due to the perception of the jury, who somehow though that
Kelli was a worse liar cuz she lied about lying while Rich said from the
beginning he was going to lie--uh, got that? I feel a lot of it was
gender-based: Rich was perceived as strong, Kelli a bitch for the same
behavior (playing to win). But then, Greg claims to have voted randomly
("pick a
number" was his final question, remember?) so, again, ANYTHING can happen.

Sue is still going around saying Kelli was wrong for lying about the
alliance, even though it helped Sue get to the final four and She herself
lied to the tribe, Jeff, America and God Himself when she said there wasn't
one. Sue and Rudy also stupidly maintained their loyalty to Rich in the
voting, even
after he stabbed BOTH of them in the back. I keep reading in TV Guide as
Gervase and Sue tell us the secrets to winning--uh, OK, losers. Sue is
especially funny because she accuses Pagong of making all these mistakes
like celebrating their early wins and winning reward challenges later, as
though ANY of it would've made a difference against her evil alliance. She
can't face reality--she was Rich's pawn from day one.

Wednesday again. Next week--a Survivor recap. Sneaky Kel, Stinky Kimmi,
Sticky
piggy--the gang's all here. Christine :)