Survivor 2.6

Just read in today's paper that Jeff Probst is getting a divorce. So much
for my "chilling with Jeff and his wife" idea :( I'll bet Jerri is somehow
behind this...


I try to avoid "spoilers" at all costs, but the CBS misinformation machine
is almost as fun as the show. USA today reported a possible Crocodile
attack, as well as a story that Rodger would fall off a horse! If CBS is
hiring people to go on the Internet and lie about Survivor, I'm available
as of March 13th...

Rich said in an interview that Jeff is his favorite player--why am I not
surprised?

CBS Commercials: "Big Apple." Whoa, let me get this show, a COP show? And
it's set in NEW YORK CITY?!?! WOW, sounds groundbreaking.

Onto the episode.

Jeff was his usual self :"Making fun of people is cool! It's fun to taunt
losers! I want to go eat a drumstick right in front of them and watch them
cry, IT'S FUN! I came here to win money, be smug and grow a beard so I
could look like George Michael and THAT's what I'm gonna do, OK?"

Michael was also in rare form: "I've always been amazing, but the longer
I'm out here the more incredible and strong I become. Who knows what will
happen if I stay sixteen more days. I could really become some sort of
god, or at the very least a superhero."

Meanwhile, Ogakar was fixated on food/sex, which, Jerri and Colby assure
us, are EXACTLY the same thing. Jerri: "Well, as I keep saying, I'm not
human. I'm a hellbeast. So my chocolate fixation HAS to mean I want to
have sex with Colby. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the
fact that all I've had to eat for two weeks is rice and my tortillas--which
kick ass, by the way." Colby: "The womenfolk are hollering about food,
that can only mean ONE THING. They want me."

Hey...did Miramax send some money CBS's way? Was all that just an
elaborate advertisement for Chocolat? I mean to say, SHAW-koh-LOT!!!! I
hate the phrase "Too much information," its so played out, but I honestly
have no other words for the Jerri/Colby/Hershey's fantasy. Though Jerri
can now use this tape to audition for "Taxicab confessions" on HBO.

Kucha are winners--in some respects, but I had to laugh as they discovered
that when you cook dried corn--it turns into POPCORN!!! NO FREAKING WAY!!!
If CBS tries to markets any kind of "Survivor party Mix" in the future,
uh, I'd avoid it if I were you.

Chicken Feed is PEEEEEEEOOOOPLE!! Seriously, I love how resourceful they
are. They aren't sitting on their laurels, they are trying new things.
Michael: "Let's kill the chickens so they won't eat anymore of our feed!"
Chicken: "Uh...anyone seen that Kimmi girl? She seemed BeeeGOOOCK! [nice]"

Now, I'm totally on Keith's side, because he is not Jerri, but he really
does over react about food. MAYBE he's right about the tomatoes, but when
YOU ARE STARVING EAT THE DAMN SOUR TOMATOES!!! Keith and Tina were acting
like they were sitting in some four-star restaurant. "I'm sending these
back, they aren't QUITE up to my exacting standards. Pass the runny bland
rice please." Tina is also amusing as she bitches about Keith and Jerri:
"They act like children. I miss Kel and Marylin, they were my friends.
Why can't they be here? Oh right, the whole backstabbing thing."

Keith and Colby are liked whipped husbands, you know? Jerri and amber are
like these nattering hens and Colby and Keith talk tough and say all the
right things in the interviews (the local bar), but at home they just sit
their looking pained but not saying a dang thing.

Amber and Jerri jump for joy at thoughts of a "picnic" wink wink, c'mon, we
all know what they were REALLY thinking about.

The montage of everyone "deciphering" the "riddle" were PRICELESS. Jerri:
"Well it says, picnic, so I'm wagering there's gonna be some food." Nick:
"It says only one can lead, and don't be afraid of the dark. I'm gonna
have to rely on my Harvard Law training and guess that ONE of us is going
to have to possibly LEAD the rest of the tribe in some sort of DARKNESS, or
DARK related challenge." Kucha practiced listening and functioning in the
dark: Smart. Ogakor let Jerri lead them in some "yoga". Jerri. "You know
who else does Yoga? Madonna. At the bar I work at? I once made a whisky
sour for Madonna's personal assistant's COUSIN. Anyway, face it. We are a
tribe of losers. I hope they take pity on us and let us win. That'd be
awesome."

This segment of "Survivor" is brought to you by Doritos: When you've been
starving in the Outback for two weeks, they're like manna from heaven!"
I'm pro product placement, by the way. I hate Mountain Dew, and I hate
Doritos, and WOULD have to eat rice for two weeks before I'd be desperate
enough to consume either, so I hardly feel manipulated. And I always hate
on TV when they drink that obviously fake "TV soda" that says "DIET SODA"
or whatever. It jolts be out of my suspension of disbelief.

Nick can yell? Who knew? I think Jerri's "yoga" was some sort of
mind-control trance. WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU PICK HER? The one person in
your tribe you've been practicing TUNING OUT. The most selfish. They hate
her voice, they were mad at her the whole time and she's up there yelling
nonsense--I was stunned it was so close. Nick was giving detailed info,
Jerri was assuming that, like her, Amber had eyes in the back of her head
and demon mind reading powers. I liked Colby giving Jerri a soaking, but,
COLBY, WHO PICKED HER? there's no I in team--there's also no U. Ogakor
just SUCKS. That dance mix/video of the survivor theme CBS attempted as
kucha did the victory dance was laaaaaaame.

Ogakor tries to keep it light, tries not to focus on what a big bunch of
loser crybabies they are. Colby's "Remember the Alamo" attitude for the
camera is great, but he feels so sorry for himself. He should have
directed his energies toward whipping his tribe into shape instead of
sulking and imagining himself in the other tribe and saying "Mna, ny tribe
sucks!"

Jerri: "Everyone was laughing and being warm and human, so I HAD to get out
of there and perform a satanic ritual. Everyone hates me here, I don't
know why. Maybe I can win over the other tribe. Back in LA I'm like,
everyone's favorite bartender. I make the best whiskey sours, they kick
ass. People actually seem to like me better when they're loaded, maybe
that's my problem. OH WAIT, I KNOW! I'm going to go into a trance here on
the beach and send my spirit over to Kucha and WRECK HAVOC!!!"

CUT TO: The very horrible fire accident. Wow, that was some intense
stuff. Even Jeff seemed to feel bad. Weird to see the crew and medics,
you really do forget about the folks behind the microphones and cameras and
equipment. The accident was something that could have happened to any
camper though, and I hope the fallout isn't too bad. I think CBS is taking
too much crap over this (picketing over the pig, etc.) and people need to
calm down and shut up and let us watch Survivor in peace.

Michael was a real trooper, and I will miss him, despite his
self-aggrandizing tendencies. I hate that this gives Ogakor some equal
footing they DON'T Deserve, especially as Jerri was sooo gonna be next I'll
bet. FIRE. Interesting. It was a FIRE that allowed Rich to win immunity
the day he was SOOO gonna be voted out ( I still wake up screaming about
his lighting that fire and that dumb dance, NOOOoooooooooo!!), and now
Jerri's witchcraft conjures a FIRE that dismisses Mad Mike instead of
Jerri. Coincidence? I think not.

Anyone else think it was weird that CBS chose to tell the survivors about
the accident in a vague note? Why not just tell them "Michael was burned
in a fire?" Odd time for gamesmanship. Jeff was funny talking about how
he HOPED Ogakor would be compassionate--not so fun to be on the other side,
now is it? Now he maintains, he's going to cut off their heads and drink
their blood --FOR MICHAEL. AHh, how very noble. It was poignant to end
the episode with the prayer and not a vote, though Rodger took a different
approach than the departed Michael and prayed to GOD, as opposed to
Michael's early episode prayer to himself.

I gotta say it, I'm rooting for Kucha. It will be interesting to see what
happens regardless though. Who will win immunity. Will the first group
vote be as shocking as last season's dismissal of our beloved Gretchen?
Switched alliances? Will Jerri sell out Ogakor? Anyone else feel like
last season's survivor seemed longer? Like the merger happened later? It
DIDN'T, but it feels like it did to me, anyone else?

I can't believe I didn't get to hear Jeff say "Let's go tally the votes,"
this week. SIGH. Next week, next week. Jeff is aghast that Keith and
Colby are PLOTTING already! I'm sure they're just having FUN, Jeffy.
Christine :D