Survivor 15.6 "It's those stupid bats above the freakin' thing!"

Okay, so it's Halloween as I write this, and I gotta say, I'm kinda ticked because no one has shown up, and we have all this candy, and I carved a kick-ass jack-o-lantern, and...what, everyone's waiting for the Great Pumpkin?! Sigh. If I had skills, I'd totally post a picture of my pumpkin, it rocks. It kinda looks like Voldemort, if you wanna know the truth...

So, as we begin, James feels doomed at Tiger Town, while at Dragon Land, Jean-Robert's horrific snoring (I think he has health problem!) has him on his tribemates' Imaginary Chopping Blocks. A desperate Todd breaks down and tells bff Amanda about the existence of the Immunity Idol, because he just can't find it himself...

REWARD CHALLENGE

The Challenge involves racing into these shacks, and untying these planks that are, of course, puzzle pieces. First tribe to use the planks to reveal a Confucius quote wins Reward, a stay at a Chinese Tea House, snacks, tea, a shower/bath and use of Charmin Toilet Paper while they use a "western toilet." Everyone oohs and aahs. Peih Gee and Jamie try to make eye contact with Sherea and Frosti, but they're, well, frosty. Rather than being thrilled at Aaron's ouster (Todd's jaw dropped), Sherea and Frosti seem to be trying to pretend they don't even KNOW the Tigers anymore! Amanda and Courtney sit out, which is utterly confusing because they absolutely sat out the last challenge. Does it mean "back to back Rewards and back to back Immunity"? I don't get it folks. Anyway, it's a close race. At one point, Peih Gee and Sherea are undoing their planks together in the same room and Peih Gee tells her that they got rid of Aaron as a show of allegiance to her and Frosti, and Sherea doesn't even respond. Yikes! Jean-Robert keeps yelling, 'Western toilet, baby!" It's very creepy, and then the Dragons win by decoding the classic 'A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." TO make matters worse for Jame and Peih Gee, Jeff taunts them as they struggle on the puzzle, because he's still determined to be a biased ass about the whole "Let's lose on purpose thing." James is happily taken hostage, meaning he gets to partake of the reward, and Todd is determined to be the one to get the secret clue, which Jeff insists must be opened in private, as if there'd be any consequence if he didn't...

The Reward is at this gorgeous location, and we're treated to the usual nonsense: food rules! Being clean is amazing! Crest toothpaste is like a gift from God!! Then everyone gathers on the patio for baths. There aren't enough tubs for everyone, so Courtney and Amanda share one, which of course gets Jean-Robert to be more creepy, as he leers and makes suggestive commentary. Of course, one way to avoid that is not sharing a bathtub (bathing suits or no) in front of a weirdo. Then James let's it all hang out by showering naked, his backside for all the tribe (and world) to see. Neither the gals nor Todd complain. Later, Todd tells us he feels like he's the only person who's REALLY playing the game, and then he corners James. He insists that he has a plan that can save James' life in the game, and that James MUST give HIM what's in the tube Jeff gave him. When James says he doesn't know what it is, Todd assures him that HE does, and to leave it all to him. James is no fool, but he's desperate. He knows Todd is a player, but he also knows he's playing with people who lost on purpose last time and, as far as he knows, will do it again to get rid of him, so he agrees to Todd's deal. When Todd gets the new clue, he knows immediately where the Idol is, "It's those stupid bats above the freakin' thing!" I didn't realize those were bats on the plaques, huh. Anyway, Todd and Amanda struggle to get the thing down in front of almost the whole tribe, which they realize is stupid, but they do it anyway. Why they couldn't get James to lure people down to the swimming hole or whatever the hell, I don't know. Frosti sees them and tries to help, even as Todd and Amanda try to shoo him away, so they get the Idol down and wind up cluing him into the whole thing because "they have no choice." Frosti is thrilled. Then Todd goes to James and gives him the Idol. He tells him that the Dragons will win Immunity, forcing the Tigers to go to Tribal Council where they'll vote out James, but he'll have the Idol, meaning whoever James votes for goes home. Todd wants it to be their toughest player, Jamie. James is impressed and thrilled with this elaborate plan, and gives Todd a good-natured punch on the shoulder, which almost knocks Todd off his log. "You almost killed me right there," he mutters. James tells him it's all in love, and it will make him strong. Cute! Then Todd goes to Denise and Courtney and tells THEM about the plan, because, I think, he's a little too in love with his plan, and wants everyone to know how clever he is. Which he IS, and I really like Todd, but...seriously. I mean, they're all gonna try to win Immunity anyway, right? And, as James tells him, the Tigers will probably lose on purpose like before. But not so fast...

Back at loservile, Jamie, Erik and Peih Gee wallow in depression, and question whether losing last week was the right thing, now that Frosti and Sherea seem uninterested in their alliance/friendship. They vow to fight like hell for the next immunity! And to make matters MORE interesting...

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

It's the Gross Food Eating Contest! No challenge is easier to throw, or harder to predict. Because even the strongest may not be able to get enough spit going or control their gag-reflex or what have you, and it's pretty easy to pretend you can't eat something. First, things go Todd's way when Frosti beats Peih Gee in eating several chicken hearts (apologies to Bill Cosby). But then Jamie bests Courtney (who was never gonna win an eating contest ANYWAY, right?), downing her eel like it was cotton candy. Then Erik beats Amanda at eating little baby turtles. James has a showdown with his pal Denise, and he pretends he can't eat the (gah!) feathered chicken fetuses. Peih Gee and Jamie cheer him on, the irony of them trying to win now that JAMES is secretly tanking the contest is off course, lost of them, but it's very entertaining for us. But, Denise REALLY can't eat the things, and when she eventually refuses to, she apologizes to James and he says it's okay and finishes off his meal. He seems bummed, but as he's not going home no matter what happens, he really shouldn't be. Finally, Erik beats Frosti at eating "1000 year old egg," giving the Tigers Immunity and leaving Todd in shock that he can't, in fact, control everything.

DAMAGE CONTROL

Denise blames herself for the loss, and even loathsome Jean-Robert won't hear of it, because she had to eat a chicken fetus with feathers on it. Todd, Amanda and Denise strategize at the well and decide they want to keep Frosti over Sherea. They've really taken to the likable Frosti and want to keep him around, which is interesting--I think they may be mistaking his genial disposition with loyalty, but okay. Courtney is told of the decision to oust Sherea, and balks--she likes Sherea, and she's reached a breaking point with Jean-Robert. The idea of voting for anyone but her nemesis is beyond her tolerance. And she makes the valid point that JR hates HER, so why should she help keep someone in the game that hates her and oust someone who likes her and WOULDN'T get rid of her? Courtney and Sherea sit together and watch Jean Robert struggle with the cooking pot. When Sherea suggest they point out what he's doing wrong, Courtney again gives the line delivery of the episode when she mutters, 'That would require TALKING to him." Then Courtney does something that made me gain new respect for her--she actually goes to her alliance and lobbies HARD to keep Sherea and get rid of Jean-Robert. Amanda won't hear of it, saying IN FRONT OF FROSTI that it has to be Sherea or Frosti that goes home tonight and then "Eventually it'll be down to us," and I hope Frosti's asking himself if he REALLY believes he's part of that "us." But Todd finds himself somewhat swayed, and privately tells Amanda that maybe they SHOULD dump Jean Robert. Amanda is upset because she thinks getting rid of Sherea here (probably right before she can re-Merge with her old tribe) is pivotal. But Todd (who's still reeling over the fact that he GAVE James an Immunity Idol and the means to find a second one) is worried that they've gone too far, and that by telling Courtney she can't get her way, they're telling her that they, Todd and Amanda are in charge! "We're setting ourselves up as power players," he frets, "We will get voted out if we don't start doing what people want!" I gotta say, Todd is as smart as he thinks he is, cuz that's some good insight right there. Jean-Robert is unconcerned that everyone is off talking behind his back, 'I like to trust my gut and my vibe," he blathers. Ugh...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff asks Sherea about the mood around camp today and she tells him, "I sensed a lot of shadiness." Jean-Robert answers the same question by talking about how hard he's been working around camp, which gets Sherea riled up, "Did you ASK about that," she asks Jeff. Then she tells JR to wise up, "They don't LIKE you," she says of his tribemates. He isn't the least bit concerned because that's what happens when you're a "Bad Boy." This gets Courtney tied up in knots, and once she starts snickering, she tells Jean Robert how pathetic he sounds boasting about himself when he's really just a "crappy person." Then she hurts Todd's feelings by describing the tribe as a clique that she doesn't feel a part of. In the end, Courtney and Shera vote for Jean Robert, but it's Sherea who goes home. I still give Courtney major props for standing up for herself and her friend.

Sherea is booted in 11th place, where Joel got ousted in Borneo, for laughing at at a rude comment Gervase made. This was key because Joel was urging the group to target a member of the other tribe at the Merge, but most of his tribe thought that was unsportsmanlike (yes, they were that naive) so they got picked off, one by one. In the Outback, Nugentesque Michael severely burned his hands and had to be medivac'd out while in Africa, foul-mouthed and whiny Lindsay was undone, thanks to some of her old tribemates funneling info thru Kelly that she had votes against her and was thus vulnerable in a tie-break (back when previous votes mattered). In the Marquesas, Gina was well-liked by her new tribemates, but not enough to make inroads and in Thailand, Dumbb Robb skated off into the sunset. In the Amazon, Shawna had asked to be kicked out but held prisoner by her own tribe, than cut loose when she she showed renewed interest in the game (in other words, boys). John K. was one of the young Vanuatu boys that didn't stand a chance against the older, fatter dudes OR the ladies and devout and muscle-bound Ibrehem was yet another casualty on "The Tribe That Could Never Win." In Guatemala, Amy the cop went as far as she could go on a busted ankle and Dan the Astronaut Man was jettisoned after he failed at one measly challenge (cuz of the man code) on Exile Island. In the Cook Islands, loyal Rebecca was foolishly cut in favor of shady Jonathan, and last season we were pleased to be rid of mean, dumb Lisi, who couldn't hack it anyway.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Well, first of all, Sherea is one tough grade-school teacher--I can't imagine she gets a lot of back-talk. She is also a twin, a fan "Big Brother" and Real World/ Road Rules Challenge and her two favorite movies are "Set it Off" and "The Sound of Music," which makes for an interesting movie night...

Next Up: Drop you buffs, it's time for the Merge, baby! :D

Peace Out! Christine

Survivor 15.5 "We're all the brains."

Thoughts and prayers out to all of you trying to survive down in SoCal. Even if you're not in the path of destruction, I understand the air quality is dreadful--Hang in there!

SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE (SHAKE YOUR TRIBES UP)

Sleeping pandas are shown to illustrate how everyone's going to be caught off guard by the tribe shake-up that awaits our Survivors. At Crouching Tiger, Frosti is shown lamenting the fact that the other tribe has James, the strongest player, and Aaron the "great leader." Then Sherea is shown talking about how she's kinda on the outs with the others, and that she's, ahem, looking forward to some "drama" and "change." Now, I try to ignore the elements of reality shows that are staged, but there is just no way in hell I believe that Sherea just said that out of the blue, without say, a producer asking her, "What would you think about a big change around here?" or whatever. I really don't appreciate it. Elsewhere, Jamie and Erik bond and flirt as they swim in the lake. Erik babbles that the setting is "...Biblical, in that there is a man and a woman and we like hanging out." Wow...uh, okay. Anyway, they tell each other they think the other is peachy, and then Erik tells Jamie that he's a virgin, because he wants to wait for the "right person" hint hint, wink wink. Well, not so much wink wink, but Erik's revelation of purity did seem to be his odd way of hitting on her, and oddly enough, it seemed to work because Jamie reveals to him the 411 on the Immunity Idol and tells us that Erik is someone she'd like to "make it with"...er, to the end of the game, that is. Ah, well. Keep hope alive, Erik.

At Hidden Dragon, a close bond has developed between the hardworking duo of James and Denise. James raves that Denise "...is there to complement you and work with you. That’s attractive." He goes on to say that if he was a little older, or if Denise was a little younger, "She'd be in trouble," which is so sweet that I just have to believe that Todd was mistaken to think that James was joining in when Jean-Robert was being all skeevy. I think James is adorable, and I think he's a good guy. And the fact that he has the kind of physique you usually only see in Superman comics? Bonus. Denise and James return to camp from the fish trap when a local messenger arrives. He doesn't speak English, so everyone says "hello" with an accent, so he can understand. He gives them a parchment that says they have to choose two players from the other team to bring to theirs, which sucks for them because they know the Tigers are gonna take James and Aaron. They decide to take Frosti and Sherea (her value has not gone unnoticed by the competition, at any rate). The Tigers don't think for a second that The Dragons are gonna take Sherea...because they don't think for a minute that the Dragons are gonna get to take ANYBODY. Instead they go on and on about how it's gonna be soooo cool to get James and Aaron and now b the tribe with seven people, and the OTHER tribe only have five! They seriously don't "get" it until the boat comes to fetch Frosti and Sherea and then they're like, "Ohhhhh, we're trading two people for the two people we're gonna get." At least Sherea can admit, "That was REAL dumb." No one is happy to lose Frosti or Sherea, and despite the fact that they're getting the Dragons' two strongest players, it's the Tigers who're shedding all the tears. The Dragons are just whining about how they don't like change. Aaron complains that "everything is messed up," and if he knew how uninterested James was in Aaron's continued survival in the game, he'd be even more freaked out. Once the two men leave, Jean-Robert starts moaning about how they've lost their two strongest players--gee, doesn't being a professional poker player mean you have to deal with being dealt a new hand of cards every once in awhile? Denise, the only person who seems to have built an actual RELATIONSHIP with either of the guys is bummed, but shrugs and realizes she has to just shut up and deal. Jean-Robert reckons that James is his greatest ally in the game, but we know from last week that James finds JR to be arrogant. I think that James is just a lot quieter about his distaste for him. Jean Robert DOES make a good move when he suggests that they all agree to oust Sherea and then Frosti, should they lose the next two Immunities and everyone agrees (eventually), but then he undercuts himself by exposing his own massive insecurity by adding, "I know the popular thing is 'get rid of Jean-Robert'..." in a tone that also telegraphs how stupid he thinks they all are. I guess playing it cool was a less attractive option than letting everyone know that he was "on to them," but really, I think he is fairly safe because he IS their biggest guy--by like 100 pounds, and they may not like him, but they certainly NEED him unless the Tiger's oust James. You got to know when to hold 'em, JR. Oh and then Jean-Robert refers to himself in the third person by telling us, "It's been a bad day for Jean-Robert." And grammar.

BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE

The ships transporting the kidnapees pass on the river, and they wave to one another. The tribes are provided with fruit, nuts and booze to loosen everyone up, but unfortunately,no one gets all crazy-drunk and interesting. James and Aaron are struck by how laid-back things are at Crouching Tiger, and when Aaron asks who's the "brains" behind the tribe, he's told, 'We're all the brains." They're all so friendly and diplomatic I can't even remember who said it! :D When James starts hustling to prove his worth around camp, Peih Gee takes a moment to revel in the power she, Jamie and Erik have over the fates of two physically stronger men. Later, Aaron tries to bond with the girls over a swim, and plants a seed against his comrade when he wonders aloud whether anyone will be able to beat James in Individual Immunity once they Merge. He balks when Jamie tries to pry some information about the Dragons out of him though. Peih Gee recognizes that Aaron is the type of guy who people are drawn to because he's good-looking, and fears his craftiness as well. She and Jamie hatch a plan to throw the next Immunity Challenge in order to protect their "real" tribe, and try to get to the Merge with a numbers advantage when they're hopefully reuited with Sherea and Frosti...

THings are less interesting at Hidden Dragon. Todd is very eager to network and make as many alliances as possible, and Sherea is eager to turn over a new leaf of sorts--she goes so far as claiming to be able to "cook a little", which is surely a surprise to Frosti. It occurred to me how weird it feels when Jeff isn't involved in tribe shake-up or Merge. It just feels...slightly less official, some how. Anyway, things go smoothly for everyone until the next morning, when Jean-Robert wakes up early to get the fire started and breakfast ready. As he's working, the rest of the Dragons start making fun of him and ragging on him behind his back, which Frosti tells us was better than breakfast. He and Sherea quickly realize that they have a pretty good shot at endearing themselves to their new tribe. Things look even better when JR starts making orders. Now, he tries to be subtle about it by using this really ingratiating tone, but he's soooo specific about what he wants done, "Denise, if you could come with me and check the traps, and Sherea, you can cook breakfast..." Denise jumps all over him, then the not-to-be-trifled with Sherea joins in. Instead of it being seen as "the new kid overstepping her bounds", Sherea is quickly embraced by Todd and the Dragon girls, as Jean Robert scuttles away.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

The re-configured tribes gather for the Immunity Challenge. James and Aaron seem unthrilled by Todd's chipper acceptance of Sherea and Frosti. Aaron tells Jeff point-blank, "We're on the chopping block, thanks to your frickin' plot twist." Jamie and Peih Gee exchange knowing smiles. The challenge has two players for each team swimming out to a dock and then taking turns diving in order to release these hexagons shaped discs. The discs each have a sign of the Chinese Zodiac on them and really--and I do mean really--resemble the Dharma Initiative signs on "Lost." Then they're supposed to bring them back to shore and three others actually do the puzzle. The Dragons sit out Amanda and *sigh* Courtney. Like, really? I would have thought a non-physical puzzle would be the IDEAL time to play her, but, whatever. maybe she can't pick up the discs they probably weigh, what five pounds? Erik and Aaron swim out for the Tigers, while Jean-Robert and Frosti do the same for the Dragons. Courtney yells, "Go Jean-Robert!" and then quips to Amanda, "It broke a little bit of my heart to say that." Man, I hate to say it because she's so worthless, but Courtney really does amuse me. Meanwhile, James is put-out when he sees how calm Jamie and Peih-Gee are--almost like they don't care who wins...hmmm. The task is very demanding and the four exhausted men struggle back to the beach--Jean Robert comes very close to dumping all the discs in the water but he recovers. When Erik and Aaron drop off THEIR discs, Jamie casually tosses one a few feet way, making it clear to the viewing audience that the fix is in! :D Jamie and Peih-Gee half-ass it, and Todd, Denise and Sherea easily win. Jeff makes a point of returning the "missing" piece to Jamie, clearly irritated, which irritates ME. Throwing a challenge to oust one of your own tribe members makes PERFECT sense when your REAL tribe, your REAL alliance has been split up! Ethan, one of the bestest most moral players in Survivor History did it in order to rid his new tribe of Silas and to protect Lex, Big Tom and Kelly when they were separated in the game's First ever shake-up. I think it's a good play, myself. You know, not everyone can win with their muscles, Jeff.

NOW WHAT?

Aaron and James are furious--and oblivious--about Jamie and Peih Gee's casual reaction to their latest loss. When James insist the girls can't handle pressure, they can barely stop from giggling, so they go off to laugh about how successful their plan was and how the new boys have NO idea what they're up to. Also in the dark is old boy Erik, who is unthrilled when he finds out 1) the girls threw the challenge to try and save Frosti and Sherea and 2) they didn't see fit to clue him in before he busted his butt in said challenge. Or, at least that's what I'm guessing he's feeling. I gotta say--and this has nothing to do with the virgin thing, by the way--but Erik is kinda whipped. He really DOES let the girls dictate what he's gonna do and if he HAS a strong opinion about it, he should voice it, but instead he just comes off mildly disappointed in them. I guess I'd like to see Erik show me he's actually interested in winning Survivor before I invest any interest in him. The gang feels that Aaron is the bigger threat because they believe he has stronger alliance back at his old tribe, but James doesn't want to work hard to support a bunch of losers, so he asks to be sent home. He tells the girls that Aaron deserves to stay, and Aaron agrees because he decides to vote against the presumably doomed James, so's not to cast a vote against one of his new tribemates.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Once James and Aaron have voiced their displeasure in being traded from a contender to Kansas City Royals, it doesn't take long for a still hacked off Jeff to call Jamie and Peih Gee on their being "happy" to be at Tribal Council. Jamie explains to Jeff what SHOULD be obvious to Jeff, which is they'd be doomed at Merge because they lack numbers, so 'Yes, sir," they did throw the challenge. James and Aaron's jaws drop at this, and when Jeff implies it was a stupid move, Peih Gee shoots back, "It's about winning the war, not the battle." Jeff (showing more favoritism than I've seen him show) angrily insists that Survivor is a game about WINNING, but as I said before, Ethan helped throw a challenge to protect HIS alliance back in Africa, which certainly helped him win. What does it gain Peih Gee, Jamie or Erik to turn against their alliance in order to save Aaron and James, knowing they'll vote against them at the Merge? Personally, I think this was the bet play the girls had. I also think that Jeff is thinking that James is gonna go home and that's why he's so ticked, but plot twist happen to good people sometimes, Jeff. Seriously, I thought he was unprofessional and kinda a big baby about the whole thing. Anyway, it is indeed pretty-boy Aaron who's sent packing, leaving James to fight another day--if he wants to. Jeff THEN is able to admit they MAY have made a smart move, assuming there's a Merge. And may I say, it's refreshing that we're shown people LIKE Peih Gee and Jame talking about a Merge at 10 people, instead of the "Has anyone watched this show" people who never seem to see it coming. The only time we HAVEN'T had a Merge was in Palau.

Aaron is evicted in 12th place, where Bible-toting Dirk was banished in Season One. In the Outback, Kimmi the Vegetarian who stopped bathing wore out her welcome with her tribe, while in Africa, the vainglorious Silas was evicted due to Survivor's first ever tribe shake-up. It was beautiful:) In the Marquesas, tree-huggin' Gabe lost the confidence of his alliance when he started moaning about how he didn't want Survivor to be competitive and in Thailand, Stepahnie the really boring firefighter left us. In the Amazon, tough-tawkin' Jeanne was ousted after a shake-up and the Pearl Island's Michelle was cut-loose once she no-longer had the protection of Burton. In Vanuatu, Lisa was cut-down by Ami the power-mad lesbian, who arbitrarily decided that Lisa was out to get her because of something Lisa DIDN'T say. Man I hated Ami. Anyway, in Palau, the tribe that never won continued to lose, meaning the end of the road for James-who-should've-been-Jim Bob and in Guatemala, we said a sad farewell to Smart Brian. On Exile Island, crude Bobby was dumped and in the Cook Islands, dapper Brad was sent packing. Last Season, we were spared anymore of Boston James' "charming" personality when he went out at 12.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Besides being a surfing instructor, Aaron is also one of Survivor's many, many bartenders. He is a cooking nut, and he once appeared on "The Price is Right."

Peace Out! And I will catch up this week, REALLY! :D

Christine

Survivor 15.4 "Flavor has never tasted so good!"

Okay, I know I'm behind but I was pretty sick this last week--I went to the doctor and everything, so don't be mad ;)

TENSION HEADACHES

Man, is China gorgeous or what? But even the adorable panda's are fighting, to symbolize how each of our tribe's is riddled with tension and conflict. Ad Hidden Dragon, we have to listen to Jean-Robert tells us yet again how he's a pro poker player, which OBVIOUSLY means he's like, the best possible judge of character and super observant and hella crafty, and so on and so on. I said it before and I'll Say it again: Poker is luck and math and weirdo's sitting around in sunglasses and weird hats. JR's plan to suck big time and then slowly improve his work-habits is working, he claims, and then he starts to ramble on about how that's what he's like in all situations: the guy that starts off slow and then gains on the pack to take them by surprise: Jean Robert is one of those people who talks about himself A LOT. He gives himself a lot of thought and he's probably had to explain and defend himself a lot, because he's such an ass. He's not worried about being disliked in the tribe though, because the Courtney the Skeleton is still around, "If she survives the next Tribal Council, she's the luckiest girl in Survivor history," he declares. No, Jean Robert, that would be Amber. Courtney finds Jean-Robert's general odiousness equally comforting, "He sucks so bad, there's no getting out of that." Cue opening credits, with the awesome cobra.

At Crouching Tiger, things are even more tense, because Dave is still...Dave. When the tribe has to deal with separating good rice from moldy rice (because they failed to keep it dry), Dave starts ordering people about and Sherea gets into it with him. When he shoots her a sarcastic and put-upon 'Thanks for listening," she calls him on it, "Yeah, 'cause you just listen: listen listen listen! So shut the *bleep* up!" And yes, she actually said *bleep*. Dave goes talk to his only friend in camp, the camera, and says very seriously, "I am a good leader, it's not MY fault that no one wants to follow me, they're just STUPID. And Sherea just likes to hold on to stuff, like things I did or said last week or yesterday, or a few minutes ago." Then he and Sherea get into a bizarre fight over shells that Sherea wants to throw away and Dave wants to bring home to his mother. Frosti tries to intervene, telling Dave privately, "You're doing some good things around camp, but you need to stop being such an a-hole." Dave pouts, and Frosti tells us that "Crazy Dave" may have worn out his welcome.

REWARD CHALLENGE

Both tribes are summoned to Tribal Council at night, to compete in a reward challenge which requires them to work in teams of two and use giant chopsticks to transport balls of fire into this chute and set off some fireworks--it's pretty cool. The prize involves food and Jean-Robert is quick to inform us that he's kinda fat, so he needs and misses food more than the rest of the tribe *roll eyes*. Amanda seems to gloat a bit when the Tigers are bummed to see Leslie gone. The reward turns out to be veggies and spices and a visit from a fisherman and his family who will teach them how to fish. You will be shocked to learn that the Dragon's sit out the worthless Courtney. The Dragon's win and wind up kidnapping Dave, I guess because he's their leader? Or maybe because Leslie told them that he was kinda on the outs? Maybe? We never do find out for sure, and personally, I thought it was a weird choice.

CRAZY DAVE'S VACATION

Dave gathers wood in an attempt to suck up, I guess (if I were kidnapped, I sure as heck wouldn't do chores). He feels he's on a vacation from all the drama he's usually at the center of--because of other people, of course. Dave's behavior at Hidden Dragon can best be described as "high on coke," as he bounces from person to person, being inappropriate and weird. When he tries to embrace the taciturn James, James recoils and barks, "What did I tell yo about the hugging?" Then he scares Courtney when she tells him she's from NYC, "I miss New York SOOOO MUCH!" he shrieks, prompting Todd to whisper to us, "Dave is a nutcase." Wayyy ahead of you there, Todd. Todd, though, knows Dave has a clue, so he takes him under his wing and shows him around camp, and sure enough, works his magic on Dave who tells us, "I believe I can trust Todd!" So does everybody, which bodes well for Todd, at least until he has to start betraying people. I can't help but like him too, though, maybe because he's a self-professed Survivor Nerd who's loved the show since Day One:) Todd is thrilled to get another clue to the Idol--and maybe more importantly, to keep a lid on who KNOWS about the Idol's existence. He promises Dave he'll return the favor and give him a clue if Dave can get his tribe to kidnap Todd.

THE VACATION FROM CRAZY DAVE

Back at Crouching Tiger, Sherea seems to be the only one basking in the glow of a Dave-free camp. Perhaps it's because without Dave around to do all the work, THEY have to do all the work, and it turns out, it's pretty hard. this doesn't affect Sherea though, who's content to lounge around in the tent. "Why should I waste MY valuable energy doing chores when the tribe needs my strength at challenges? I'm gonna ride the work horse 'til the tail falls off!" Hokay, selfish. The thing that gets me about that though is, there's so many ways you could do nothing around camp and LOOK like you're working, like gathering wood, or "trying" to use the flint until someone comes along to help you--and considering it's a Tribal Council tie-breaker, it seems it would behoove EVERYONE to try and learn to make fire, but Sherea would rather take a nap and incur the ire of her tired friends...

JEAN ROBERT'S NOT TOTALLY WORTHLESS

The Chinese Fisherman and his family arrive, and everyone's happy to see the little kids. Tough Lunchlady Denise says her first words on camera since the premiere. And then Jean Robert blows everyone away by busting out some Mandarin and being able to talk to the locals, which impresses everyone, including Todd, who loathes JR. The fisherman takes Aaron and Denise out to "learn" to fish, but the dude uses trained birds to catch the fish which they can't swallow because of a noosey thing around their necks--something there's no way our Survivor's could ever hope to learn to do. When they get back to camp, James chafes at Jean Robert for bossing him around and getting up "...on his high horse, as usual," but he calms down quickly and admits that Jean Robert's ability to converse with their visitors was invaluable and he really shouldn't get down on him. Still, it's interesting because JR seems to think of James as his closest ally, and James doesn't seem to have much use for him. Then everyone eats and raves about food and how awesome it is. Denise thinks their fish dish is the "delicatist thing evuh," and then raves, "Flavuh has nevuh tasted so good!" I like Denise, but it's still looking like Survivor is never gonna give us a season without someone braying in that obnoxious Boston accent, ugh. Then generic Amanda gives a generic quote about how great it is to learn about other cultures.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Dave is reunited with his old tribe and gets all huggy and intense with them as well, because he's a weirdo. Then Jeff explains that they're gonna dress up in Chinese warrior garb and hurl these bandoleer things to break plates or something while the other team does the same AND try to block the other team's shots. The costumes are easily the coolest things anyone's had to wear on Survivor. If I ever had to go to a Renaissance Fair, I'd hella wear the Chinese Warrior garb and if someone tried to give me crap about it, I'd be like, "This is what Chinese Warriors wore during Ye Renaissance, peasant!" The Dragons win, but it's close, 4-3. James scores two points for the dragons, Tod scores one and Amanda scores one. For the Tigers, as usual lately, it's the women who carry the load, with Sherea scoring a point and Jamie scoring two points with one throw. It's not enough though, and the Tigers face Tribal Council again--someone going home.

WEIGHING THE OPTIONS

Back at camp, everyone commiserates about the loss. Dave wastes no time in antagonizing everyone, hissing, "Let's try to use less well water, IDIOTS," and then wondering cluelessly to us about the "strange vibes" around camp. That's everyone sick of you patronizing them and there's nothing new or strange about it, dipstick. He laughs, "They're back to calling me a 'slave driver' if you can---hold on, they're trying to do a simple task without my input, I'll be right back!" When Dave asks Peih Gee and Erik who they're voting for, they give him the kiss-of-death "Uh, we don't know yet." Which always means, "Probably you, dumbass." He pleads his case, claiming for the umpteeth time that he can change and adjust and that he pulls his weight around camp. "We know, but you're also a massive tool," sighs Erik. Still, Dave does have a glimmer of hope because Sherea's laziness has not endeared her to her pals, who seem torn. When Sherea sees the others talking about her, she contemplates going to them and saying she'll work harder, but opts to take a nap instead. Later, she tells Frosti that her "body comes first," as if she's the only one who feels like crap. Erik wishes he could get rid of both of them...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff asks Sherea about life without Dave and she gushes, "It was great, he wasn't in my face all the time, and everyone else but me managed to pick up his slack so I was able to get in some quality sleep time!" Frosti and Erik both praise Dave's leadership, prompting Dave to get up on his cross and talk about what a burden it's been to be him. Sherea is all excuses, claiming to be too fatigued to work hard at camp, and not a natural camper, like Peih Gee, who likes outdoorsy stuff. Has Sherea ever watched this show? Because it's a 40 day camping trip, okay? Honestly, I thought Sherea's defensiveness and woe-is-me attitude were gonna be her ticket home, but the Tigers surprised me by booting the workhorse Dave, who puts the "ass" in "asset," and proves once again that it's the social game that's most important in Survivor: don't be too weird, don't be too bossy. In his exit, Dave is, well, Dave, "I gave it my all, and I thought I was humble and awesome. Really, everything would have been just fine if they'd all just listened more and done everything my way." Bye Dave! :D

Dave is evicted in 13th place, and he's in memorable company. In season one, America cringed as Ramona gushed about Poor Jenna being her first-ever white friend right before Jenna stabbed her in the back. In Australia, Colby and Tina turned against Jerri and opted to oust her pal Mitch instead of Keith--one of the most pivotal Tribal Council's in Survivor's storied history! In Africa, the slackers got rid of yet another grown-up, but not before Linda uttered one of my favorite Survivor quotes EVAH (to Lindsay the foul-mouthed cry-baby) "Did your mama never hug ya?" In the Marquesas, Chachi's plans for tribal domination were dashed when a tribe shake-up caused him to be separated from his busty pahtnuh Sarah, whom her new tribemates accurately evaluated as "worthless." In Thailand, the dramatic Ghandia was booted (as discussed last week). In another classic Tribal moment, Jeff didn't know who was being referred to on one vote as "The Denver Diva," so Clay had to publicly reveal that his vote was for Ghandia. In the Amazon, Joanna was probably glad to be out of the game, since she believed her tribe was breaking the Second Commandment every time her tribe possessed the Immunity Idol and in the Pearl Islands, we thought we'd seen the last of Burton the bully, but Survivor, in it's worst twist EVER, would indeed let him back in the game. In Vanuatu, the all-girls club got rid of good ol' Bubba and in Palau, we bid adieu to Angie, the Illustrated Girl. In Guatemala, Nurse Margaret tangled with loutish Judd and lost and in Exile Island, the all-boy's club got rid of good ol' Ruth-Marie. In the Cook Islands, our eccentric friend Je-Flicka departed, and last season, it was time for Anthony the camp cookie to hit the trail--because like Dave, he had trouble with the social game.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

I'm sure it doesn't surprise anyone out there that Dave seems to be a compulsive dabbler--he's taken an engineering class here, business class there, subscribes to all sorts of technical mags but works at a bartender, no doubt antagonizing his co-workers ("Dude, I know how to make a frickin' martini, back off!") and dispensing too much advice to his customers ("If you would just LISTEN to what I have to say, maybe you'd stop the next guy from dumping your ass, okay sweetheart?" Actually, my favorite thing about Dave's on-line bio is THIS response to the seemingly simple question: Favorite Color: "Deep hues of blue, green, brown and grey." Universal reaction to any question directed to Dave: "Sorry I asked."

Peace Out! Christine :D

Survivor 15.3 "Four hours of Barnes and Noble, I feel like Crocodile Dundee out here!"

MISCELLANEOUS

I'm curious to know if any of you have found new shows. I lost Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars, and Lost isn't coming back until what, February? So I thought I'd fill in the gaps, but eh, not so much. So far, I like the new sitcom "Aliens in America," about the uber-dweeb who winds up with a Pakistani exchange student who's only slightly less popular than he is at his high school. I also like "Reaper," about the guy who has to send escaped fugitives back to Hell because his parents sold his soul to the Devil before he was born. Both shows are witty and sweet, mostly at the right times. It does worry me that both shows are on the CW, the network that gave up on Veronica Mars, however. I tried "Pushing Daisies" and just couldn't handle it--the cloying narration alone was just to annoying to stand. Just too precious for me, I guess. I also gave up on "Chuck," which I think is actually probably a good show, I just *shrug* didn't care. Plus, I'm sorry, the lead guy, Zachary Levi is really hunky and totally charming, and all the nerdy dialogue and pocket protectors in the world can't hide that. It's like in the movies where no one notices the hot chick is hot because she's wearing glasses. I mean, really. The one I really hated was NBC's attempt to reboot "Bionic Woman." Man it was terrible. The thing is, even though the 70's version was campy, Lindsay Wagner was very likable and a very good actress (she actually won the Emmy for the role), while the girl they have doing this one is just very scowly and lightweight. Everyone kept saying it was "darker" than the original, I just thought it was way more pretentious, with everything all blue and rainy, and all those utterly unlikable supporting characters? My favorite part was, after Jamie is in the devastating accident that requires her to be made bionic, she's away from her bratty sister who she's allegedly RESPONSIBLE for, for like, weeks? Months? And the government gives the sister some story about her going off to ski with her mad-scientist boyfriend and than Jamie comes back and the sister is like, "You don't even SKI! You're a LIAR!" And I'm like, so this government agency has minds that can replace a person's body parts with super-superior body parts...but they can't think of a plausible alibi? No one bothered to find out if Jamie's ever been skiing? They couldn't just say she ran off to Paris with the mad-scientist boyfriend? Oy. The little things count. Alright, enough about that, onto the review...

CREEPS AND CRABS

We start off at Hidden Dragon, where Jean-Robert is snoring and cuddling up to a very unthrilled Leslie. Apparently, JR is always rubbing up on the ladies at night, and they don't like it one bit. James (I think it was James) bellows at James to stop hugging the girls because he's scaring them, but JR insists he doesn't care if it seems creepy, he needs to be snuggling the ladies to keep warm. Courtney points out that she's too skinny to keep herself warm, let alone anyone else, so what's he talking about? And notice, he ain't snuggling Denise the lunchlady with the mullet (who seems to have vanished into the tribe--what's she about? Who are her allies? We have no idea). In the real world, it would be sexual harassment, at the very least, but it's TV, so it's...not. I guess? It's interesting that this is just a footnote in this episode, when Thailand's Ted and Ghandia got into a monster blow-out over HIS nocturnal snuggling ("grinding" is the word you've tried all these years to forget), that led directly to HER ouster. Maybe that's why the women aren't raising too big of a fuss--they know how the world works?

The next day, James and Amanda find one measly crab in the trap they won, so they bring it back and James and the girls are all about turning the crab into a stock that they can put in to flavor their rice, and Aaron gets all whiny about how that's gonna be like, NO extra calories, and totally pointless, waaah. James gets his way and later laments his tribe's lameness, "I’m the only one that actually went and read a survival handbook...four hours of Barnes and Noble, I feel like Crocodile Dundee out here!"

ALL HAIL ZOOLANDER SCHRUTE!

Meanwhile, at Crouching Tiger, Dave has learned nothing from his previous massive bonk at the last challenge, due to his obsessive fire-pit masoning. Dave is like those old Army commercials--he does more before 6am than the rest of his tribe does all day. Which would be admirable, if he wasn't such an ass about it. When Peih Gee suggests he take it easy so he doesn't tire himself out, he yells back in his bitchy, grating "I-hate-you-with-a-smile" tone, "I've heard you and as usual I've chosen to dismiss you, sweetheart!" Then he tells us (and he's QUITE certain we're all on his side, and ever so impressed with how he's managed to deal with all these lesser beings) "It's a BALANCE!!!! The camp has to be BALANCED! It's not rocket science!!" Well, you're the dude that blew the last challenge, because you had no energy because you moved all those rocks and wouldn't let Jaime make the baby fire so you all could eat something, sweetheart. That ain't rocket science either. Then he "tries" to take a nap while the others try to come up with--I kid you not--a way to heat a pot on the stove, and the mere idea of this decision being made without him is simply TOO MUCH! He bolts out of bed, grabs a stick to balance the pot JUST SO over the fire and when the others are all, "Dude, we couldn've done that without you," He sneers, "I told you before, it's just a lot quicker if you let me do EVERY LITTLE THING around here in the only POSSIBLE way it could ever be done right, instead of wasting time trying to do things by your pathetic little selves, okay?" And he stomps off in dramatic fashion, flinging his imaginary cape behind him. Frosti tells us he's beginning to regret keeping him around instead of Ashley, and wonders why Dave can't just chill out and be grateful they didn't kick his ass to the curb last night? Well Frosti, it's because Dave doesn't think he was that close to leaving. In fact, he took your ouster of Ashley as an absolute vindication--a mandate, in fact, for his will to be carried out in all things from here on out. Enjoy your stay in China! :D

REWARD CHALLENGE

Jeff reveals that the winners of today's challenge will win a set of assorted Pier One-ish throw pillows, some blankets, kerosene, a lantern,some rope and a much-coveted tarp. In order to win it, they must win a brutal 3 on 3 wrestling match, in which people are thrown into the water until there's only one man standing, and that person's tribe gets a point. The Dragon's do their usual "let's sit out little Courtney and wee Todd," and they seem kinda bummed about it. As usual, the challenge would seem to favor the team with James, The Incredible Hulk on it, but wait! It's guys on guys, girls on girls, which proves all the difference, as the women of Crouching Tiger win each of their matches with the women of Hidden Dragon, even though James and the Dragon's win all of THEIR contests--because the challenge started with women, they get to three wins faster. It's one of those, ya had to be there deals in terms of who did what (it was extremely brutal), but it is worth mentioning that Dave took off all his clothes, and competed in the buff. I don't know if he thought it would intimidate the guys, or squick them out, or maybe he thought not having clothes on would make it harder to be grabbed (!) or whatever, but it didn't accomplish anything, except make him come off as even more of an aggressive creep than I thought he was, and I didn't know that was possible: way to keep me on my toes, Dave! The Tigers get to take a hostage and they choose Leslie, which pleases Todd because he knows she's gonna get to give the clue to somebody, probably Jaime, which keeps the number of people who know about the Idol to a very manageable three...

TALKING OUT OF SCHOOL

Leslie is thrilled to be at the happy, friendly Tiger tribe--lucky for her, she got there post Ashley. Dave even promises to keep his pants on, which brings joy to all. The boys then "entertain" by doing dives into the river, while the girls get to know their new captive. Leslie is thrilled to find out that Sherea, Erik and Jaime are all Christians and gushes, "I'm here to share the love of Christ with people, whether they like it or not, and even though these guys aren't as obnoxious about their faith as I am, it's still great to be amongst people who aren't utterly freaked out by me!" Poor Leslie--I feel bad ragging on her because as a Christian I know A LOT of Leslie's, and I know she means well, but I don't know how many people you can lead to Christ by being a monumental drag about it. As much as she says she's there to "love people," I think the way she presents it, by making sure everyone knows she's on some sort of "mission," makes it seem to people that there's strings attached. Anyway, Leslie's lips get loosened by all this new-found acceptance, and pretty soon she's dishing about her tribe's "strong personalities." When Jaime mentions how controlling she thought Aaron was, Leslie tries to defend him by saying he acts like a leader because they elected him leader but when asked why they elected him she's all, "Well, he kinda just took over anyway, so we just made it official... Heh." Later, she goes all quid pro quo on us, as we would expect, and gives the Immunity Clue to Jaime, and once again, CBS informs us that the Idol is part of the Chinese symbol that's in the archway each tribe has, but Jaime doesn't know that yet.

Maybe the good vibes keep Leslie from noticing that her ears are burning, but back at Hidden Dragon, James and Jean-Robert are doing some serious trash-talking, at her expense. Jeeringly referring to her as "Sister Christian," they speculate that she's probably next to go. James, who Leslie was quite kind to when he was allegedly nervous about fitting in, scoffs at her faith and warns Jean-Robert that people who pray the most, sin the most. And he probably has a point, as he's kinda echoing the trite sentiment of the classic Christian bumper sticker, "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven" which I've always thought sounded more snotty than humble. James and JR go on to rag on Courtney AND Todd, unaware of the fact that Todd and Courtney can hear every word their saying, and they really get an earful. When James says Courtney's a hard worker around camp, JR decides James is interested in Courtney, and even though James denies this, Jean-Robert can't stop himself from leering, "Hey, the only thing better than a million dollars is a million dollars and some ass." Yes, he DID say that at 8pm, 7 Central. Family hour my ass, er, patootie. Courtney chuckles that she won't be letting either of the men snuggle with her in the shelter, but Todd is furious and outraged, and vows to send both men home as soon as...well, as soon as he's done with them. He ain't stupid...

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Leslie is returned to the Dragon's, who all look a little uneasy when she raves to Jeff about how much fun they had and how much they "talked." Jeff reminds them that they sat out Todd and Courtney last time so they can't do it again, so they sit out Leslie and Denise. It's interesting to me that Jeff points out who sat out last time because I know they've messed this up before, and let people sit out twice in a row, I KNOW it. Gah! Anyway, the challenge requires four people to take turns trying to chop thru seven ropes to release a...heavy sigh...sack of puzzle pieces. I don't know why that phrase annoys me, but it does. Anyway, it's actually a heavy sack full of heavy metal "coins", and once all four sacks are cut down, the remaining two people must stack the discs just so on a big pole and then drag the very heavy item across a field to the finish line. It's actually a nice little twist because you have to make one of your muscle people use their brains in regards to the puzzle, rather than loading up the muscle for the chopping and then having two weaklings do the puzzle.

The Dragon's figure that skeletal Courtney is their weakest link, so they put her up top so the stronger members can just pick up her slack. They have no idea how weak she is. At first, and for a very long time, she seems completely unable to use the machete to cut the ropes, which seriously makes you wonder, how she manages to walk from camp to the challenges, if she's SO weak. I mean, it's one thing to not be very good with a blade, I mean, I'm sure I'd suck at it, at first, but seriously, all four of the Tigers each cut their seven ropes before she even slices ONE. And every time a contestant sliced though their last rope, Survivor did this freeze frame of them doing it that was equal parts Awesome and Cheesy, I kid you not. Courtney is just too frail, and she keeps whining, 'How are they DOING it?" And really, you think she's try to rub the rope with the blade if the chopping was beyond her. Anyway, Jeff is furious--I love when Jeff gets all indignant that someone is deserving of "Survivor" and it's ancient 7-year-old customs. He keeps bellowing, "DON'T QUIT! DON'T GIVE UP!!" And too her credit, I guess, Courtney doesn't give up and does, eventually cut through her ropes, allowing the others on her team to try and catch up, and the remarkable thing is, they almost DO! I dunno if it was an especially hard puzzle, or if Dave and Sherea just suck, but Todd and Jean-Robert look for a second like they are gonna get that puzzle done first...but they don't, and the Tigers win their first Immunity!

HONESTY IS NOT THE BEST POLICY IF YOU WANT TO BE ON SURVIVOR

Back at the Dragon's lair, Courtney is in serious pain from the challenge and fretting about being ousted. Jean-Robert is convinced one of the weak women should go, namely Leslie or Courtney. Leslie shoots to the top of the list in many minds when she starts raving about her time with the other tribe, "Well it is SO much friendlier over there, and there's several other Christians over there so I felt WAY more comfortable with them, and gosh, I told them all sorts of things, like how Aaron is always bossing us around and stuff and how I'm in a secret alliance with Todd, and whatnot." When Aaron flips out, Leslie is quick to correct herself, and insists that the Tigers already knew Aaron was in charge because of Jaime, and how Aaron is always bossing them around at Challenges, but the damage is already done. Honestly, Leslie, why'd you have to be so honest? I mean, here's the thing, this was NOT a moral kind of honesty, like keeping your word. This was Leslie choosing the wrong way and time to try and passively air her grievances about how she's been treated. Or as Aaron puts it, "...her heart overcomes her brain." By the way, I've decided to stop calling Aaron "Hot Aaron" because he's shaping up to be a massive tool. But he's right to fear that Leslie feels closer to the other tribe than she does her own, and therefore correct in seeing her as a threat down the road.

Elsewhere, Courtney and Leslie try to get Todd to lobby the rest of the tribe to dump the "unpleasant" Jean-Robert. When Amanda privately (remember Amanda? Yeah, I didn't either)balks at keeping weakling Courtney, Todd talks up the advantages of being in an alliance down the road with someone who's pretty much gonna be incapable of winning individual Immunity, but Amanda thinks it's too early to lose Jean-Robert's bulk. Aaron is equally resistant, and tells Todd that Leslie's going because he doesn't want to be a target after the Merge. Dude, you're athletic, you're a target, frickin' deal with it. Todd is starting to worry about his OWN chances of winning individual Immunity later on against the likes of James, Aaron and JR, "I can't compete against all these huge guys!" Take heart, Todd--there will always be puzzles...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff has to tell the new-to-Tribal Dragon's about what fire represents. Jeff points out their two game losing streak and Jean-Robert says, with his usual tact, "We have the three strongest guys and the two weakest girls." Courtney then starts crying about how the tribe is always trying to come up with ways to minimize her, Leslie and Todd's contribution in challenges, and how hurtful it is. This somehow manages to move Jean-Robert, who then says he didn't mean to say that they were weak, which, as Jeff points out, is actually EXACTLY what he said. "I'm keeping it real," is JR's nonsensical reply. Then, Leslie seals her fate by pointing out, accurately, that the Tigers are a (barely)more unified tribe, and that they won the last two challenges on heart as opposed to physical strength. It's ABSOLUTELY true, but you can tell that it just rings of disloyalty to Aaron and James and that she's toast. When Jeff asks Jean-Robert if HE feels he's on the hot seat (which should ALWAYS be a tip-off that Jeff has seen something in the dailies, ALWAYS) Jean-Robert admits he is a little worried because of his rocky start. But he only gets Courtney and Leslie's votes. The rest go to Leslie, and Courtney is tearful at Leslie's departure. Aaron cast his vote and calls her "Mom," adding, "All your children in China are grown up." Being perceived as "parental" in any way is rarely a recipe for success on Survivor, and Lord knows younger contestants have often had silly reactions to the older crowd(Like when Australia's Jerri assumed the other tribe's health emergency had to be related to the "aged" Rodger, who was a very fit 50-something). But 30-year-old Aaron calling 38-year-old Leslie "Mom," is a bit much. "Big sister," maybe. But now that I think about it, I find it hard to really accept that Leslie is a mere two years older than ME. She seems WAY older, and honestly, I think it's because she's been too aggressive about her beliefs and her, well, for lack of a better word...mothering. In her exit, Leslie says she has no idea why her tribemates voted her out, but she knows that God wouldn't let her stay beyond when He wanted her to. I think Leslie and I have a very different view of Free Will (and God's interest in who wins Survivor). Leslie, if you'd just kept quiet about how much you liked the other team, Courtney would be going home and you'd live to fight another day. Don't be blaming God for your big mouth.

Leslie is booted out in 14th place. In season one, Stacey sued the show after her ouster, saying Mark Burnett told contestants to keep ol' Rudy around. I think she lost, but Mark Burnett doesn't hang around the set anymore. In the Outback, Tina sold out her pal Mad Dog on the way to winning the million. The Generation Gap was in it's fullest effect in Africa when the Lazy Necklace alliance got rid of Carl because he was over 40 and had, like, a car and a career and stuff. My beloved, imaginary husband Hunter was cut down far too soon by Evil Chachi and company in the Marquesas, and in dreadful Thailand, dreadfully boring Jed the dentist was extracted in 14th place. Whiny Daniel exited the Amazon here and we really thought we'd seen the last of the insufferable crybaby martyr lady boy scout Lillian in the Pearl Islands, and I've never REALLY recovered from them letting her back in so she could betray Rupert and almost win the damn thing. In Vanuatu, yet another young dude was cut loose by the "older, fatter dudes," this time FBI agent Brady, who didn't clear his appearance with the feds and is probably in Greenland or something. On Palau, Willard the cranky lawyer claimed to be Willard the cranky Postman but that didn't save him from wearing out his welcome. In Guatemala, "Golden Boy" Blake rose to smart Brian's bait and jabbered his way into Survivor oblivion and in Exile Island, "rocket scientist" Misty found out that flirting won't get you everywhere. Cristina the abrasive lady cop found her game arrested at 14 in the Cook Islands and last season, crafty Rita was voted off, in large part because she talked loudly about really stupid and boring things. So I guess, not so crafty.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Well, everyone knows that Leslie is a Christian Radio Host--she also teaches fitness classes and applied to be on Survivor 10 times before she was finally accepted. Believe it or not, she lists "Dumb and Dumber" as one of her all-time favorite movies--something she could've mentioned in camp to, you know, be down with the "kids."

Next week: More yelling, and based on the commercial I saw on Sunday, a double eviction ceremony! Predictions? Dave and Jean-Robert, though that's probably wishful thinking. Dave and Courtney.

Peace Out! Christine :D

Survivor 15.2 "In front of the spy? Really?"

I hope you're all enjoying the show (those that are watching). I think this is a great cast, the location is stunning and even the little things, like the familiar music being played with different instruments to give it a Chinese feel, are all working really well. The ratings are down, which is a shame. It always makes me sad that more people watched Survivor Thailand than did the last several installments of the show.

SURVIVOR'S TOP MODEL

At Crouching Tiger, Dave has taken over the leadership role at camp, much to the irritation of the reast of the tribe, who he enjoys talking down to. As we begin, he tells us, "I'm in charge now," and when other tribe members try to make suggestions about how to build the firepit, Dave sighs, "See, this is what bogs us down: you guys not doing everything I say." Cute and quiet Erik notes that Dave's ideas are sound, it's just the way he sounds them, and the way he dismisses anyone else's. When sweet Jaime offers an optimistic vision of the tribe's ability to get the firepit built in a day, Dave's snort's, "You're wishing really hard." Pieh Gee tells us that she's totally fine that Dave has usurped her as the tribe's de facto capo, and she should be--she's no longer on anyone's chopping block now that Dave (who's pretty much a cross between Zoolander (thanks Ashley) and Dwight Schrute from "The Office") is the one barking orders.

Dave tells us, "I have very SPECIFIC goals that I want my tribe to accomplish as they work to complete my plan, I, me, mine, my my." Dave wants to build a mighty fortress of a firepit before they even attempt to use the flint. When Jaime makes the pretty reasonable suggestion that they make a quick "baby fire," in order to ccok up some rice so everyone cna get some energy, Dave yells at her, and later drops a giant rock into a mud puddle, getting her covered in mud. She goes off to wash and she, Sherea, and Ashley hold an "Dave's a jackass" convention down by the river. Ashley is much more eager to confront Dave about the flaws in his plan, and when she tells him that everyone could really use some food in order to help him, he barks, "I moved half of those stones, MYSELF! I'm working plenty hard WITHOUT food, so everyone else is just a loser!" Ashley tries to get a word in edge-wise, but Dave is one of those people who takes the natural flow of conversation as rude interruption, and keeps yelling, "Can I finish!?" at her, kinda like Dana Carvey's Ross Perot imitation. "How many fires have you built, honey?" he snarks. Later, he tells us that everyone in the tribe is great except Ashley, completely oblivious to the fact even though she's a lot more aggresive about it than they'd be, she IS saying to Dave's face what everyone else is either saying behind his back or keeping to themselves.

EVERY GAMBLER KNOWS THAT THE SECRET TO SURVIVOR IS KNOWING WHEN TO STAY AWAKE, AND KNOWING WHEN TO SLEEP

At Hidden Dragon, everyone is working hard to keep their tribe in tip-top shake, and CBS underscore sthis by playing some music that seems to be right out of "Oklahoma." But then---screech, the sounds of Jean-Robert's snoring pierce the busy camp. Everyone fumes. Then Angela, who seems nice enough but I can't tell you much about her, decides to form an alliance with Todd the Gay Mormon Flight Attendant, whom she recognizes as "devious." Everyone seems to see Todd as crafty and dangerous and YET friendly and alliance-worthy. He's actually very Richard Hatch-like in that way. Remember in season one, his entire alliance knew he was a liar, they just thought he was gonna betray everyone else and then take them to the Final Two. Todd is a lot less obnoxious than Hatch--he doesn't sit around telling us how much smarter he is than everyone else, just that he's decided to play a very sneaky game. Anyway, Todd feels that he and Angela should enlist Hot Aaron as a third in their alliance, because he's big and strong and target-shaped. Todd feels that he and Angela can get him to implement any plans they have, and Aaron will draw all the heat. Aaron agrees to being in a Final Three with them (he doesn't realize he's their tool yet) and they all shake hands. Aaron does have a toolish vibe to him--he reminds me of Fred from "Scooby Doo." You know, the handsome guy who everyone follows because he's handsome but he thinks it's because he's smart.

Later, Aaron asks for suggestions from the group about what they should accomplish and Jean-Robert votes for resting, which prompts much eye-rilling from the rest of the tribe. Aaron confronts him on his loafiness and tells him he needs to start pulling hsi own weight and Jean-Robert shrugs and tells everyone that even though he's been lazy in regard to camp chores, he'll more than make up for it later in the game with his "mind stuff." Groan! He then boasts that he's "considered one of the bad boys of poker," like everyone at home is supposed to shudder in breathless anticipation of his next move. If you've ever watched a poker tournament on TV, you know that those guys really seem to believe there's some really cool secret behind the game that makes them super awesome, in their stupid sunglasses and dopey hats. But actually, it's just math and luck and maybe a little bit of acting. JR tells us later that all is going according to his plan--he's intentionally coming off like a slacker so that later, when he starts contributing, everyone will be really impressed. Hokay, dude, but the snoring seemed pretty real.

REWARD CHALLENGE

Jeff welcomes the tribe to the season's first Reward Challenge, which will be for fishing gear--including a boat. He also promises a twist, which will be revealed after the game. The Dragons seem rather shocked that Chicken is gone. The game is a messy one, in which the tribes compete three on three against each other in a field of mud and try to roll giant balls past each other and into goals. It's a game that certainly favors the Dragond and their big men: Aaron, James and JR, and that's how it plays out, the Dragons' win quite handily, and seem to work better as a team, but again, they also have these three really buff dudes. The game is very brutal, whith much grabbing, clothes pulling, choking and whatnot. Several people get more than their butt-cracks blurred out by CBS, put it that way. At one point, mean Courtney and pious Leslie seem to bond unexpectedly at the hilarious and scandalous nudity. Anglea doesn't realize she's lost her shirt until JR calls out to her, "Put your top back on," and when she realizes her situation, she groans, "My Mom is gonna kill me!" Contrary to last weeks teaser, Ashley's wrestling skills do little to help her tribe--all the girls were applying chokeholds with vigor, not just the lady that gets paid too. So the Dragons win, and Jeff tells them they get to kidnap someone from the Tigers until the Immunity Challenge, and they pick Jaime, who is then given secret message from Jeff that she is to read in private. Hmmm....

THE FLOATING DEAD FROG OF DOOM

The Tigers return to their camp, only to find it completely submerged, as the rain caused the river to rise and swamp them in. There is a dead, upside down frog in the water, that is surely a harbinger of something bad. I was also a little dissapointed that no one tried to eat it. The firepit, which Dave insisted on building above the water line is intact, and the tribe has to endure Dave's "See? I was right, wasn't I? Yes, I was..." for awhile, though Jaime's idea wasn't to build a lasting fire, just one to cook some food with, and had they eaten, who knows, maybe they win the Reward, I'm just saying. Later, when Dave starts bossing Ashley around, she calls him on his condescending tone, he apologizes, "Okay, crazy person, I'll be the bigger person and say I'm sorry even though I clearly have nothing to apologize for, okay? Does that make you feel better? Now do what I say." Sherea tells us that Dave better watch himself, because "It pisses adults off when you boss them." Dave still thinks that everyone else thinks he's awesome.

THE SPY WHO LIKED ME

Hot Aaron explains to us that they took Jaime from the Tigers because she's such a ray of sunshine that her loss would be utterly demoralizing. He doesn't know that Dave has managed to quash most of her joy and optimism anyway. Todd advises his team to keep an I on the flint and other valuables, as "The Art of War" talks about stealing things from your enemies. Leslie is impressed with Todd's sharp and focused approach to the game. The secret message doesn't tell Jaime to take anything, though. Rather, it tells her she has to give a clue to the tribe's hidden Immunity Idol to one of her enemies, so she decides to observe the tribe and MAN, do they give her a show. Jean-Robert starts talking about how much he needs sleep and Aaron demands he start working hard. JR replies that Aaron clearly just doesn't like him, and Aaron agrees and thus begins what Mean Courtney so colorfully and accurately describes as a "ridiculous bitch fight." She complains to us, "In front of the spy? Really? We can't all get along for, like, the two seconds she's here?" :D Man, I know I said I hated Courtney last weak, but if she keeps being this quotable, I'd hate to see her leave too early. And, I hate to defend Jean-Robert, because I really do think he's an ass, but he really DID work very heard during that challenge, and was a key reason they won--he moved those balls with two of the Tigers hanging on to him, and he probably did need a nap at that point--what was the harm? But aaron has reached a point with him where any time he's sleeping, it's gonna tick him off, and since he's already called him on it, it's like an afront to his "leadership" or something.

Later, a sick Leslie goes off to cry. She really wishes she had her Bible, but says she knows God has her there for a reason. I'm certain the fact that you chose to apply and go had something to do with it, Leslie, just sayin.' Her spirits are lifted when Jaime takes her aside and gives her the secret Immunity clue. She declares the unexpected windfall a gift from God, and He indeed works in mysterious ways, because Jaime gave it to her because she felt Lelsie was the tribe's weakest link. The Clue tells her the Idol is in camp somewhere, and is something that they all see everyday (CBS shows a Chinese character that's part of their flag pole, or something, that appears to be the Idol). But Leslie frets that she's never really been good at seeing the obvious, so she enlists, guess who: crafty Todd. She feels that he's clever and that she can use the Idol to broker some sort of alliance with him. He's pleased she's come to him, though he can't believe ANYONE would give that information to anyone else. He hopes that Leslie, who does seem to indeed be the weakest link because of her health, will be voted out, leaving him the only one with knowledge of the Idol's existence. THe only good thing about all this for Leslie is that Tood's such a player he hasn't shared the information with Aaron or Angela, or anyone else he may have an alliance with (and I expect he might have an alliance with everyone in the tribe by now).

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Jaime thanks her "captors" for their hospitality and is welcomed back to the Tigers. Jeff explains to the teams that they have to use "Chinese Puzzle logs" to smash through several doors, and then slide the puzzle through a series of bolts and what have you in order to win. Jaime, Courtney and Leslie sit out. The Dragons get off to a big lead, as the Tigers are hampered by a flagging Dave, who has perhaps been lifting too many big stones back at camp. Jeff seems to tkae pleasure in pointing out Dave's weakness. Frosti picks up Dave's slack though, and soon the Tigers have caught up and even get a slight lead when it come sto the puzzle part. It doesn't last, of course, and Jeff seems to be a little too obvious in his support of the Tigers. I get his wanting to get both tribes in Tribal Council early, and I too would like to see a more balanced competition, but...c'mon Jeff. Don't play favorites. When he tells the Tigers he'll see them again at Tribal, Dave looks likes he's struggling not to cry.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Before the Tigers go to the Temple, Dave apologizes for "losing his power" and blowing the competition. He's not at all worried about tonight though--he's sure Ashley is the most useless person on the team and that everyone is sick of her bad attitude. Of course, what everyone's sick of is "The Dave and Ashley Show," and everyone is actually pretty torn between the more likable Ashley and the more valuable Dave. Ashley, knowing she's on the block, decides to wait to campaign against Dave at Tribal Council...

Jeff wastes no time in asking how Dave's doing as a leader, and Frosti is very dilomatic, saying that Dave is perhaps trying to do too much. Ashley criticizes Dave for his "patronizing rants," and for his playing the martyr. On cue, Dave pouts, "I haven't BEEN a leader in a long time, and that's a really interesting story that I now hope soemone will ask me about." Jaime tells Dave that he's overextended himself and adds, "I think the way you phrase your demands--" and Dave defensively interrupts her, which Jaime calls him on. Sherea is even MORE blunt, "I haven't enjoyed a SINGLE moment here," she complains. She insists that Dave's Drill Seargeant methods of motivation has ruined the tribe's morale, and she feels they need to get to know one another, talk and laugh and have fun, if they're ever gonna be able to pull together and win as team. You go, Sherea! Jeff then asks Ashley what she's basing her vote on, and bless her heart, she just comes out and says, "I'm voting for Dave." She's the only one, though. Everyone else votes for Ashley, which is the smart decision. It's a painful one for Sherea, who tearfully glares at a smiling Dave as if to say, "You're next if you don't back the hell off." Ashley shoots Dave a parting shot, "I'll see you soon!" She may be right. The rest of the tribe does seem to be friends. Keeping Dave was smart, and he may indeed stick it out if he's mature enough to take the things the tribe said to heart and dial it back a little. In her exit, Ashley dubs Dave a "too," and "Zoolander," which is quite appropriate.

Ashely is ousted in 15th place, joining cantankerous B.B., who lobbied for his own ouster and then regretted it. In the Outback, Jerri got everyone to believe Kel had smuggled in some beef jerky, and in Africa Jessie the hot Latina coppuked her way out of the game. In the Marquesas, Patricia's bossy "Mama" role didn't sit well with her young tribemates and in Thailand, Tanja was yet another pretty girl who just couldn't stop throwing up. In the Amazon, Janet couldn't duck accusations of smuggling in some kind of granola bar and in the Pearl Islands, we lost plucky nerd Ryan, who wasn't man enough for Captain Andrew. Mean Mia made a shocking but welcome early exit in the Amazon and snotty Kim didn't last long after her wussy snuggle-partner Jeff did in Palau. Smart Brooke didn't survive the tribe shake-up in Guatelmala nor did witty Melinda on Exile Island. In the Cook Islands, we bid a reluctant farewell to the always interesting (even when fristerating) Cao Boi and last season, we saw the last of some girl named Liliana, though I can't say I remember a thing about her. Oh well.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Ashley is well-known enough in the WWE to have been portrayed in the MTV claymation show "Celebrity Death Match." She's appeared on TV's "Smallville,", and no surprise here, the cover of Playboy. Mvie night could be very odd at Ashley's place: she lists "Natual Born Killers," "Moulin Rouge," and "The Notebook" as her favorite films. In her spare time, she visits wounded vets at Bethesda Naval Hospital, so good for her.

Peace Out! Christine :D