Survivor 15.4 "Flavor has never tasted so good!"

Okay, I know I'm behind but I was pretty sick this last week--I went to the doctor and everything, so don't be mad ;)

TENSION HEADACHES

Man, is China gorgeous or what? But even the adorable panda's are fighting, to symbolize how each of our tribe's is riddled with tension and conflict. Ad Hidden Dragon, we have to listen to Jean-Robert tells us yet again how he's a pro poker player, which OBVIOUSLY means he's like, the best possible judge of character and super observant and hella crafty, and so on and so on. I said it before and I'll Say it again: Poker is luck and math and weirdo's sitting around in sunglasses and weird hats. JR's plan to suck big time and then slowly improve his work-habits is working, he claims, and then he starts to ramble on about how that's what he's like in all situations: the guy that starts off slow and then gains on the pack to take them by surprise: Jean Robert is one of those people who talks about himself A LOT. He gives himself a lot of thought and he's probably had to explain and defend himself a lot, because he's such an ass. He's not worried about being disliked in the tribe though, because the Courtney the Skeleton is still around, "If she survives the next Tribal Council, she's the luckiest girl in Survivor history," he declares. No, Jean Robert, that would be Amber. Courtney finds Jean-Robert's general odiousness equally comforting, "He sucks so bad, there's no getting out of that." Cue opening credits, with the awesome cobra.

At Crouching Tiger, things are even more tense, because Dave is still...Dave. When the tribe has to deal with separating good rice from moldy rice (because they failed to keep it dry), Dave starts ordering people about and Sherea gets into it with him. When he shoots her a sarcastic and put-upon 'Thanks for listening," she calls him on it, "Yeah, 'cause you just listen: listen listen listen! So shut the *bleep* up!" And yes, she actually said *bleep*. Dave goes talk to his only friend in camp, the camera, and says very seriously, "I am a good leader, it's not MY fault that no one wants to follow me, they're just STUPID. And Sherea just likes to hold on to stuff, like things I did or said last week or yesterday, or a few minutes ago." Then he and Sherea get into a bizarre fight over shells that Sherea wants to throw away and Dave wants to bring home to his mother. Frosti tries to intervene, telling Dave privately, "You're doing some good things around camp, but you need to stop being such an a-hole." Dave pouts, and Frosti tells us that "Crazy Dave" may have worn out his welcome.

REWARD CHALLENGE

Both tribes are summoned to Tribal Council at night, to compete in a reward challenge which requires them to work in teams of two and use giant chopsticks to transport balls of fire into this chute and set off some fireworks--it's pretty cool. The prize involves food and Jean-Robert is quick to inform us that he's kinda fat, so he needs and misses food more than the rest of the tribe *roll eyes*. Amanda seems to gloat a bit when the Tigers are bummed to see Leslie gone. The reward turns out to be veggies and spices and a visit from a fisherman and his family who will teach them how to fish. You will be shocked to learn that the Dragon's sit out the worthless Courtney. The Dragon's win and wind up kidnapping Dave, I guess because he's their leader? Or maybe because Leslie told them that he was kinda on the outs? Maybe? We never do find out for sure, and personally, I thought it was a weird choice.

CRAZY DAVE'S VACATION

Dave gathers wood in an attempt to suck up, I guess (if I were kidnapped, I sure as heck wouldn't do chores). He feels he's on a vacation from all the drama he's usually at the center of--because of other people, of course. Dave's behavior at Hidden Dragon can best be described as "high on coke," as he bounces from person to person, being inappropriate and weird. When he tries to embrace the taciturn James, James recoils and barks, "What did I tell yo about the hugging?" Then he scares Courtney when she tells him she's from NYC, "I miss New York SOOOO MUCH!" he shrieks, prompting Todd to whisper to us, "Dave is a nutcase." Wayyy ahead of you there, Todd. Todd, though, knows Dave has a clue, so he takes him under his wing and shows him around camp, and sure enough, works his magic on Dave who tells us, "I believe I can trust Todd!" So does everybody, which bodes well for Todd, at least until he has to start betraying people. I can't help but like him too, though, maybe because he's a self-professed Survivor Nerd who's loved the show since Day One:) Todd is thrilled to get another clue to the Idol--and maybe more importantly, to keep a lid on who KNOWS about the Idol's existence. He promises Dave he'll return the favor and give him a clue if Dave can get his tribe to kidnap Todd.

THE VACATION FROM CRAZY DAVE

Back at Crouching Tiger, Sherea seems to be the only one basking in the glow of a Dave-free camp. Perhaps it's because without Dave around to do all the work, THEY have to do all the work, and it turns out, it's pretty hard. this doesn't affect Sherea though, who's content to lounge around in the tent. "Why should I waste MY valuable energy doing chores when the tribe needs my strength at challenges? I'm gonna ride the work horse 'til the tail falls off!" Hokay, selfish. The thing that gets me about that though is, there's so many ways you could do nothing around camp and LOOK like you're working, like gathering wood, or "trying" to use the flint until someone comes along to help you--and considering it's a Tribal Council tie-breaker, it seems it would behoove EVERYONE to try and learn to make fire, but Sherea would rather take a nap and incur the ire of her tired friends...

JEAN ROBERT'S NOT TOTALLY WORTHLESS

The Chinese Fisherman and his family arrive, and everyone's happy to see the little kids. Tough Lunchlady Denise says her first words on camera since the premiere. And then Jean Robert blows everyone away by busting out some Mandarin and being able to talk to the locals, which impresses everyone, including Todd, who loathes JR. The fisherman takes Aaron and Denise out to "learn" to fish, but the dude uses trained birds to catch the fish which they can't swallow because of a noosey thing around their necks--something there's no way our Survivor's could ever hope to learn to do. When they get back to camp, James chafes at Jean Robert for bossing him around and getting up "...on his high horse, as usual," but he calms down quickly and admits that Jean Robert's ability to converse with their visitors was invaluable and he really shouldn't get down on him. Still, it's interesting because JR seems to think of James as his closest ally, and James doesn't seem to have much use for him. Then everyone eats and raves about food and how awesome it is. Denise thinks their fish dish is the "delicatist thing evuh," and then raves, "Flavuh has nevuh tasted so good!" I like Denise, but it's still looking like Survivor is never gonna give us a season without someone braying in that obnoxious Boston accent, ugh. Then generic Amanda gives a generic quote about how great it is to learn about other cultures.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Dave is reunited with his old tribe and gets all huggy and intense with them as well, because he's a weirdo. Then Jeff explains that they're gonna dress up in Chinese warrior garb and hurl these bandoleer things to break plates or something while the other team does the same AND try to block the other team's shots. The costumes are easily the coolest things anyone's had to wear on Survivor. If I ever had to go to a Renaissance Fair, I'd hella wear the Chinese Warrior garb and if someone tried to give me crap about it, I'd be like, "This is what Chinese Warriors wore during Ye Renaissance, peasant!" The Dragons win, but it's close, 4-3. James scores two points for the dragons, Tod scores one and Amanda scores one. For the Tigers, as usual lately, it's the women who carry the load, with Sherea scoring a point and Jamie scoring two points with one throw. It's not enough though, and the Tigers face Tribal Council again--someone going home.

WEIGHING THE OPTIONS

Back at camp, everyone commiserates about the loss. Dave wastes no time in antagonizing everyone, hissing, "Let's try to use less well water, IDIOTS," and then wondering cluelessly to us about the "strange vibes" around camp. That's everyone sick of you patronizing them and there's nothing new or strange about it, dipstick. He laughs, "They're back to calling me a 'slave driver' if you can---hold on, they're trying to do a simple task without my input, I'll be right back!" When Dave asks Peih Gee and Erik who they're voting for, they give him the kiss-of-death "Uh, we don't know yet." Which always means, "Probably you, dumbass." He pleads his case, claiming for the umpteeth time that he can change and adjust and that he pulls his weight around camp. "We know, but you're also a massive tool," sighs Erik. Still, Dave does have a glimmer of hope because Sherea's laziness has not endeared her to her pals, who seem torn. When Sherea sees the others talking about her, she contemplates going to them and saying she'll work harder, but opts to take a nap instead. Later, she tells Frosti that her "body comes first," as if she's the only one who feels like crap. Erik wishes he could get rid of both of them...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff asks Sherea about life without Dave and she gushes, "It was great, he wasn't in my face all the time, and everyone else but me managed to pick up his slack so I was able to get in some quality sleep time!" Frosti and Erik both praise Dave's leadership, prompting Dave to get up on his cross and talk about what a burden it's been to be him. Sherea is all excuses, claiming to be too fatigued to work hard at camp, and not a natural camper, like Peih Gee, who likes outdoorsy stuff. Has Sherea ever watched this show? Because it's a 40 day camping trip, okay? Honestly, I thought Sherea's defensiveness and woe-is-me attitude were gonna be her ticket home, but the Tigers surprised me by booting the workhorse Dave, who puts the "ass" in "asset," and proves once again that it's the social game that's most important in Survivor: don't be too weird, don't be too bossy. In his exit, Dave is, well, Dave, "I gave it my all, and I thought I was humble and awesome. Really, everything would have been just fine if they'd all just listened more and done everything my way." Bye Dave! :D

Dave is evicted in 13th place, and he's in memorable company. In season one, America cringed as Ramona gushed about Poor Jenna being her first-ever white friend right before Jenna stabbed her in the back. In Australia, Colby and Tina turned against Jerri and opted to oust her pal Mitch instead of Keith--one of the most pivotal Tribal Council's in Survivor's storied history! In Africa, the slackers got rid of yet another grown-up, but not before Linda uttered one of my favorite Survivor quotes EVAH (to Lindsay the foul-mouthed cry-baby) "Did your mama never hug ya?" In the Marquesas, Chachi's plans for tribal domination were dashed when a tribe shake-up caused him to be separated from his busty pahtnuh Sarah, whom her new tribemates accurately evaluated as "worthless." In Thailand, the dramatic Ghandia was booted (as discussed last week). In another classic Tribal moment, Jeff didn't know who was being referred to on one vote as "The Denver Diva," so Clay had to publicly reveal that his vote was for Ghandia. In the Amazon, Joanna was probably glad to be out of the game, since she believed her tribe was breaking the Second Commandment every time her tribe possessed the Immunity Idol and in the Pearl Islands, we thought we'd seen the last of Burton the bully, but Survivor, in it's worst twist EVER, would indeed let him back in the game. In Vanuatu, the all-girls club got rid of good ol' Bubba and in Palau, we bid adieu to Angie, the Illustrated Girl. In Guatemala, Nurse Margaret tangled with loutish Judd and lost and in Exile Island, the all-boy's club got rid of good ol' Ruth-Marie. In the Cook Islands, our eccentric friend Je-Flicka departed, and last season, it was time for Anthony the camp cookie to hit the trail--because like Dave, he had trouble with the social game.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

I'm sure it doesn't surprise anyone out there that Dave seems to be a compulsive dabbler--he's taken an engineering class here, business class there, subscribes to all sorts of technical mags but works at a bartender, no doubt antagonizing his co-workers ("Dude, I know how to make a frickin' martini, back off!") and dispensing too much advice to his customers ("If you would just LISTEN to what I have to say, maybe you'd stop the next guy from dumping your ass, okay sweetheart?" Actually, my favorite thing about Dave's on-line bio is THIS response to the seemingly simple question: Favorite Color: "Deep hues of blue, green, brown and grey." Universal reaction to any question directed to Dave: "Sorry I asked."

Peace Out! Christine :D