Survivor 14.8 "I throw my hands up in the air, as if to say, "What the Hell?"

REALITY ROUNDUP

Haley, aka Nikki Cox meets Kathie Lee Gifford, is finally gone, but Sanjaya continues to dodge the bottom three. Am I...wrong for hoping Chris Richardson goes before Sanjaya? He's actually less entertaining to me...

THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE TURTLE

Morning at the New Zoo Ravu--by the way, I'm saddened that I received a couple e-mails from people who don't get why I call them that. When I was a toddler, "The New Zoo Revue" was the show to watch. Call me, I can still sing the theme song! :D Anywhoo, Alex and Ed are feeling pretty safe, seeing as how they have an "alliance" wink-wink, with everyone in camp. Then, while Dreamz and Lisi sleep soundly, Alex, Ed and mookie use the information that Lisi stupidly handed over to them to dig up this camp's Immunity Turtle. They cheer silently and then creep off to make a plan. It kinda reminded me of a slumber party, where the mean girls plot against the less popular ones. This may not make sense to guys, but when you are a girl, you spend a great deal of your childhood being friends with girls you don't like and who don't like you--painful yes, but a good preparation for life, work and perhaps, SURVIVOR. Anyway, Alex (who just gets better and better looking as the show goes on) raves, "This is gonna change the game for us!" And the idea of two, count 'em, two Immunity Idols being in play at the same time, is pretty exciting. The men quickly agree not to tell Lisi and Dreamz. Ed explains, "She's unstable...she's not a smart person...she'll use it the wrong way." Waaaaay ahead of ya, Eddie. I should mention to those of you that don't watch that Edgardo has a rather heavy Puerto Rican accent, but every time I tried to recreate it, it came off to me like "That's a spicy-uh meatball!" TV-sterotype Italian. Alex fears that if they tell Dreamz, he'll wind up telling Cassandra, "He might have a flare-up of complete honesty," he worries. So the three men agree that the Idol will be shared between them, and used whenever any of them is in trouble, but alone, Mookie tells us that the Idol is in his pocket, and that it's HIS. Mookie then returns to camp and starts fussing with the disturbed ground, trying to cover his tracks, when Lisi wakes up and tells him that she too thinks the Idol is RIGHT THERE. So Mookie plays along and "helps" Lisi dig for the now-vacant Idol. Then in a priceless confessional, Lisi mocks the very IDEA of Mookie trying to find the Idol right under her nose: She smirks, "Dude, you have to get up early in the morning to fool ME." Honey, they DID.

DANCING WITH THE SURVIVORS

Tree Mail arrives in human form this time, as local Fijians arrive to teach each tribe how to perform a dance--the tribe's will square off in a dance-off! How fun and different and non-obstacley and un-puzzle piecey! Yau-man frets because he has no rythem, but Earl is confident, "I got the moves, I can pull out the Michael Jackson moves...Boo is over there doing the white-guy thing." Cut to Boo doing that angry amn kind of intense dancing that some white guys do indeed do...maybe to assert their masculinity? I dunno. At Ravu, Alex is determined that Moto win, "We've lost to a bunch of girls and old guys," he grumps. See, it's comments like these that take the handsome, intelligent and fairly decent Alex out of the Ethan-Yul-Colby level of awesome Survivor guys. He's just not quite as secure or commanding. Anyway, Lisi isn't remotely interested in this, sighing, "These guys are so in to the challenges, like, what, they're importnat or something? Who cares?" Lisi, I have to ask...have you ever watched this show?? And even if you haven't, could you consider that being allowed to perform a native Fijian war dance in flipping Fiji is a once-in-a-lifetime experience to enjoy and make the most out of? Dreamz paints his face, excited for the upcoming task and when Lisi raises her eyebrows at him he says sincerely, "We are mighty Fijian Warriors." "Whatever," she snorts. Any guesses how this is gonna go? :D

The tribes arrive at a nearby village, and the locals look eager to watch the show. Each tribe is decked out in grass skirts and face paint. "Beat It" really should be playing as the dancer-tribes chekc one another out. No one on Moto seems all that broken up over losing Rocky--Michelle even smiles a bit. The tribes are informed that they will be judged on their technical performance of the dance, their look, and their spirit, in order to win a feast with the villagers. We have to wait to find out if the passionate Dreamz can cancel out the cynical Lisi becaue Moto goes first. The beatless Yau-man sits out. The music starts, and if this Fijian jam is available for download, I want it cuz it rocks! Everything goes well for Moto, who are in sync with one another and completly committed to the dance and to each other. Earl really gets into character, looking fierce and proud. Then it's Moto's turn, and surprisingly, Lisi isn't the problem--not totally anyway. The tribe has several stumbles and doesn't seem to be connected to one another. Alex and Mookie both obviously mess up at one point. Dreamz caps it off with a backflip, but the flashy touch isn't enough to save them. The panel of chiefs confers and then praises Moto for being better organized. They give mad props to "the leader," meaning Earl, for his awesomeness. Turning to Ravu, the first Chief says, "It was just all right for me, dawgs. I mean, you did your thing, but...I just wasn't feelin' it, I dunno." The second chief smiles at Ravu and beams, "Well, green is definately your color--your make-up is great and I love your skirts. You are shining stars, don't ever forget that." The last judge shakes his head, "That was hideous. If I'm being honest, it simply wasn't good enough. D'ya know what it reminded me of? That episode of the Brady Bunch where the family tries to learn the Hula, and Alice throws her back out. And which one of you was Alice? All of you. Sorry!" Fiji voted....and Ravu is going home...Moto meanwhile pigs out on lobster and fruit and dances with the adorable kids. "It was a banquet fit for...well, me," Stacy gushes. Oh, and they Exiled Lisi again, who blabbers, "This is kinda seroius, I guess, this sucks. It sucks that I'm here, it sucks so bad that I want to quit this game because it sucks so bad!" You know what also sucks? Lisi's vocabulary.

FREAKIN' GIANT MILLIPEDES! GAH!

Seriously, why? Why the giant millipede crawling thru the eye-socket of a skull, why? Pleh. Anyway, Michelle and Earl go for their traditional morning startegy session. Earl thinks Boo is actually more likely to be on their side post-Merge, and Michelle agrees that Stacy should be voted out first. She even thinks that doing so would scare Boo into realizing he's not calling the shots. She'd like to get rid of her before the Merge, even. She tells us it's because she feels they're "carbon copies in terms of function" on the tribe, which...I mean...they're both twenty-something Asian chicks but...Stacy is a heartless yuppie snob who stopped talking to a teammate because he didn't know how to properly use a coffee press, whereas Michelle is a plucky and resourceful encourager who survived 20 days of deprivation and started a fire using her eye-glasses. Plus, she's friends with Earl and Yau-man, c'mon. Michelle, you are selling yourself short...

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Right before tree mail arrives, Dreamz decides to announce, "The Merge is coming soon, and I'd just like to take a second and remind you all that even though I've joined alliances with some of you, me and Cassandra are really, really close, and maybe you should worry about that and not trust me." Sigh, oh Dreamz and your sudden flare-ups of complete honesty, maybe there's something you can take for that. The tribes are told that there will be archery involved in their next challenge, and Edgardo decided the time has come for him to "e-step up," and boast of his archery prowess. Which, the veteran viewer knows, is a sure sign that Ed's gonna have some trouble at the competition...

The tribes gather at the Immunity Beach, and Lisi returns. Cassandra sits out for Moto. Jeff tells the gang that they will be taking part in a three-fold competition of blow darts, spear chucking and arrow shooting. Everyone will participate. Meaning, they'll go in turns, each trying to hit the target, and whoever gets closest to the bull's eye, wins that round for their team. First is blowdarts, which Boo wins for Moto. Huh, a blowhard windbag winning a blowdart contest, who'da thunk it? Because Ravu's anchorman Edgardo choked, Moto's anchor Earl doesn't even have to compete. Next is spear chucking. Everyone fails to hit the target until Dreamz manages it, barely. Then Yau-man steps up, and Mookie and Alex chuckle at the odd little man as he inspects his spear. An odd little man that's kicked their ass a couple of times already, but yes, they're still treating him like some "old dude" who can't do anything. Did they learn nothing from "The Empire Strikes Back?" Size matters not! Unlike all the previous competitios, Yau-man doesn't walk up to the foul-line and huck the spear, he geta a running start, using momentum to give the spear the speed it needs to find it's mark. Having watched Yau-man's success, you'd think Alex would process that and realize it's actually the RIGHT WAY to throw a spear, but he's too proud, I think, to do so and so he fails. I had to laugh, because the CBS website kept referring to Yau'man's "unordodox" style, but, watch the javelin throw at the Olympics--they take a running start, do they not? Anyway, the reason I went to the CBS website in the first place was, I couldn't figure out why Moto was still in the competition, what with Ravy winning the first two rounds, so I had to read their recap to remember that the blowdartt contest was worth one point, the spear was worth two, and the bow and arrow three. So on to the bow and arrow, with Ravu fighting to tiebreak. Only Michelle and Dreamz had managed to hit the target at all when Yau-man knelt (again, not some kooky crackpot archery position, but one you've seen in artistic renderings of famous battles, but the CBS website is like, Oh, that wacky Yau-man) and hit the inner ring around the bulls-eye. It comes down to the self-estyled archery expert Edgardo, and he chokes. Earl never had to do a thing, with MVP Yau-man (and, okay, Boo) gettin' it done! Oh, and before we move on, what was Lisi doing during all her team's struggles? Laughing at them. Yeah.

THERE'S NO L, I, S, OR OTHER I IN "TEAM"

Back at Ravu, the zoo is doing the old post-loss porst-mortem, prompting Lisi to declare, "These guys just can't get it together. ANd when you know you suck, you suck." You also suck when you DON'T know it, Lisi, but...nevermind. Lisi goes to Alex and tells him, "You guys are just never gonna win anything cuz you're a bunch of sucky losers, so I'm done, man, vote me out." Alex is stunned and angry because he can no longer use her mindless loyalty to him to further his own game, even though he stole the Immunity Idol out from under her and he should really recognize her as an amoral loose cannon capable of anything (or falling for anything) after the Merge. Dreamz can't contain his happiness over the news of her quitting, which prompts Lisi to decide whe wants to stay in the game. Maybe. She drags aside an irritated Edgardo and Alex and tells them, "I still want to quit, but, I don't know, maybe you should keep me around in case I want to play tomorrow...maybe. I mean, you guys could keep doing all the work, right?" Alex rants, "I throw may hands up in despair, as if to say, "What the hell!?" Then Dreamz announces to the camera that he's so confident, he's not even gonna bring his stuff, which panicked me because it's the sort of thing they'd show if Dreamz was actually gonna go (Ed and ALex really don't trust that he's with them and he will be hard to beat in one on one challenges).

TRIBAL COUNCIL

So, Rocky is brought in, and he looks a little better, thanks to being clean and mercifully, a shirt. Jeff asks Lisi what's up and she repeats, literally, almost every thing she's said to Alex and Ed over the last day or so. She has so limited a vocabulary that she just has to go to one of her stock sentences because she can't come up with a new one because thinking sucks, man. Dreamz calls Lisi on her bullcrap, telling her that she wants to quit because she's not on the team that's winning all the time anymore, and she retorts, "You suck, Dreamz. You give up in challenges all the time, man, I've seen you!" Dreamz is shocked at this ridiculous statement, as is anyone who's seen him compete and indeed excel at almost every single one. He asks her for a specific instance and she repeats, 'I've seen you," the way a seven-year-old might. Dreamz shrugs, "I'm a genie in a bottle, I grant wishes," referring to what they BOTH know, Lisi wants to go home, she just doesn't want to be labeled the quitter that she is. Jeff, whose disdain for quitters is legendary, asks Lisi if she wants to be there, and she dodges, "Sometimes I feel hope and sometimes I feel doomed and I'm emotional and I like coffee and the beach but I don't like bugs and anyway, yeah, what's up, man? That's what I'm about, that's me, yo." Dreamz laughs, "I didn't hear an answer Jeff," and when Lisi starts ducking again, he pulls the rest of the tribe, asking them if they want to stay, and they all give the one-wrd answer the question demands, ALex? "Yes." Ed? "Yes." Mookie? "Yes." Dreamz, "Yes." Lisi begins, "Like I said, I change--I'm like the wind, I...one day...I'm a....my emotions, yeah...and..." Dreamz interrupts the madness and smiles, "Jeff, I'm ready to vote." :D Lisi does get in one good line when she casts her vote for Dreamz, "You're a grown man, consider a name change." But she goes down 4-1. She hands Edgardo her straw cowboy hat. In her exit speech, she cements her place as one of the worst players ever by throwing everyone under the bus, "I know who I am--when the ships' sinking, you get off. You guys are Losers! And she does the L on the forehead, like, that's original. And yes, she did willfully, and I'm sure unknowingly align herself with RATS, who are the ones that jump off the sinking ship first. Lisi, you suck!

Lisi finishes in 11th place, where Joel was booted in Season One, for basically laughing at something tasteless that Gervase said. In the Outback, the course of the game changed drastically when Michael passed out into the fire and severely burned his hands. Once the smoke cleared and he was evacuated, his tribe realized their numbers advantage had burned up as well. In Africa, Lindsay, the foul-mouthed girl who got her ass kicked by a tree was put out of OUR misery and in the Marquesas, we said farewell to Gina who wanted to open a pancake house. In Thailand, Dumbb Robb and his skateboard slid out of the game while in the Amazon, Shawna--who was once held hostage by her tribe, finally got her wish and was sent packing. In the Pearl Islands, a woman named Trish foolishly decided to try and betray Rupert, but Christa and Sandra thwarted her plan. In Vanuatu, some punk named John K. wasn't missed and isn't remembered at 11th place, but we fondly remember Ibrehem, the hunky Muslim who had to go when Bobby Jon and Steph decided to align on the Worst Tribe Ever. In Guatemala, we were truly bummed to lose Amy, the tough and colorful cop and in Exile Island, Dan the Astronaut Man blasted out of the game. Last season, Nathan chose to stick with shifty Jonathan over loyal Rebecca, but would quickly regret turning on her.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Lisi is a self-described "underground electropunk noise artist," who actually had a 2004 hit in France--one more reason not to like the French.

Next up: Merge...? The promos make it seem slightly more sinister, bwa-ha-ha-ha!

Peace Out! Christine :D

Survivor 14.7 "Suck up the stomach ache and shut up about it!"

REALITY ROUNDUP

BOO AMERICA FOR GINA BEING OUT BEFORE HALEY AND SANJYA! BOOOOOOO! :( Okay, I'm okay now, and I'm sorry. I know if you're voting, you're no voting for Haley and Sanjaya. Unless you're a Howard Stern fan. I wasn't ready to lose Gina, but with the forces of Evil bound together to destroy American Idol with Sanjaya, some unpleasantness is gonna happen. I refuse to accept that Sanjaya could WIN, I still think Melinda or Jordin will, but brace yourself for more complaining from me as the weeks go on and Sanjaya outlives more talented people...though I do realize the buzz he's generating right now is great for the show itself--I don't want to hear your conspiracy theories, Jim Bates! My emotions are to close to the surface right now ;) In the Amazing Race department, I'm alarmed by Charla and Mirna's success, and that I don't find the beauty queens as dastardly as the other racers do. Seriously--you're in a race, and you have a chance to delay a team by 30 minutes. I think it's stupid NOT to Yield anyone, given the chance. I'm pulling for Cha Cha Cha or the blondes--the others are whiners. On to Survivor...

THE BITCH IS BACK

Edgardo frets about Lisi's imminent arrival, predicting she'll probably drive them all crazy if she hasn't already quit. Alex is more optimistic. He thinks that Lisi will be fine without Stacy's "bad influence," and without any other women to threaten her. Lisi arrives and tries to play off her time in Exile as though it wasn't that bad, even though she had a total meltdown over there. She also thinks she has a tight relationship with Ed and ALex, who've already thrown her over for Dreamz and Mookie. Dreamz hasn't forgotten how lousy she treated him back at Club Moto, and is gunning for her.

CAN YOU DIG IT?

Earl engineers a fishing expedition in order to give Yau-man a chance to find the Immunity Idol. The gang goes in search of Moto's somewhat marooned boat. Using a pick-axe instead of a rusty machete, Yau-man finds the Idol (which is a turtle) and celebrates before covering his tracks. He quietly informs Earl when he returns that Immunity is theirs. I'm pretty happy at the friendship between Earl and Yau-man, by two favorite Fiji players. I hope things continue to go well for them.

REWARD CHALLENGE

Even Lisi's former pal Boo seems shocked that lame Lisi managed to survive Exile without throwing in the towel. Jeff tells the gang that the Reward is a day at an Arcade, with pool, bowling, hot dogs and beer. The contest involves hurling fireballs at targets. As usual, Dreamz is one of the strongest players. Boo makes a show of licking his finger to test the wind, but it doesn't do him any good. Mookie and Rocky gaffaw at Yau-man and then have to scrape their jaws off the floor when he connects with the target. What the hell have Mookie and Rocky accomplished, anyway, to make them think they can make fun of anyone? Freakin' losers. Well, not today because Ravu wins it's first challenge ever (no thanks to Rocky, who whines like a baby when he misses his target). Predictably, they send Earl to Exile. I've probably mentioned this before, but I hope in a future season, they make the losing team pick someone from their own tribe to Exile--it would make things so deliciously awkward :) Once in Exile, Earl declares the Island "Earl Island," and draws a lovely sign to declare it so...

CHUCK FIJI's

The New Zoo Ravu makes waaaay to much of there victory, pronouncing Moto dead and doomed now that they've won one silly little party. "Sucks to be Moto," they jeer. Yeah, riiiiight. Lisi seems to be fitting in okay as she does her "Just one of the guys" bit. Rocky describes the day as "How much food ken yuh shove down yuh piehole?" and indeed, between computer golf and pool and bowling, everyone manages to over indulge. Everyone gets sick and Rocky starts in on his team, talking about food when they beg him not to, laughing at their pain, and bellowing, "Suck up duh stomachache and shut up abou' it!" Edgard frowns, "He criticizes everyone all the time--we don't need that hear, we've got bosses and teachers back home for that." Rocky is too much of a meatball to realize that acting like a "Good Will Hunting" lout only works if you look like Ben Affleck. He's wearing out his welcome, fast.

COCONUT SHELL GAME

Back at Moto, a clueless Boo is sure that it's "weak" Yau-man who will go home if Moto doesn't pull it together for Immunity. Which...is interesting because Yau-man has performed better in the challenges than Stacy and in this latest challenge, he succeeded where Boo himself failed. But Boo is even denser about the tribe's new politics, which don't include him. Earl and Yau-man are aligned and dangerous. Yau-man is very happy to have befriended Earl, who he dubs, "A very strong and honorable man." Then Yau-man has a stroke of wicked genius! He uses the war paint from a few days ago and a coconut shell to mock up a dummy Immunity Idol and buries it where he found the real one--now if ONLY Boo or Stacy would find it!

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Ah, it's a classic. Earl returns from Exile for the old Survivor standby, where one player is the "caller" and yells instructions to their blindfolded teammates who usually incur painful injuries as they bumble around trying to complete a task. In this one, they have to break a skull pinata and then gather the...wait for it...you know what I'm about to say, don't you?...puzzle pieces that drop from it and place them on this board. When all the pieces are on the board, all the members take off their blindfolds and try to solve a word jumble. They can switch callers as often as they like. Alex sends Ed crashing into a pole. Michelle really gets into the cheerleading aspect of being the caller, even though her patience is tried by Boo, who can't seem to tell his left from his right. At one point, Michelle gets so excited that she bounces right of the platform but it doesn't seem to faze her one bit. Boo takes over for her and does surprising well, considering he's an idiot. Moto takes a slight lead into the jumble, but they bog down and the tribes are neck and neck. Stacy hollers, "Get Michelle in here, we need an Asian girl to solve this puzzle! Asian girls are great at puzzles!" Michelle frowns as she sorts the letters and starts putting together the phrase, "Stacy, YOU'RE an Asian girl too!" Stacy smirks, "Yeah, but I'm not a nerd, Firestarter." Michelle quickly comes up with "Cannibal Isle," and Moto wins Immunity. Sucks to be Ravu!

DEAD MEAT

Edgardo and Alex figure that what they really need is loyalty, not strength, and Lisi is loyal to the two of them. She's also arguably as strong as Rocky, who's done jack crap in the challenges, which no one seems to notice. He's a scrawny, blustery jack-ass! He's not wearing shiny shorts, he's not Sly Stallone, HE'S NOT ACTUALLY ROCKY. He just looks like he's been punched in the face too many times, probably because he HAS, and I'm sure he had it coming. Anyway, his crap attitude leads Alex to tell Lisi they want to boot Rocky, not her. She then gives up any power she has in the game by blabbing where the Idol is. At first, she says the clues were "vague" and that the Idol "might" be on this Island and not Exile, and she's so stupid, I totally believed that she didn't understand the glaringly obvious clues laid out for her, but then she tells Alex that it's probably buried under the cave where they sleep. She's just so pathetic--she'd rather suck up to Alex and Ed than try to win the game herself. I mean, of all the people who could EASILY arrange it so their left tending the fire while everyone goes out hunting and gathering, HELLO, it's the only girl in an all-dude tribe. But, I hate Lisi, so kudos for mortally wounding your game, Lisi. Also not working in he favor is the fact that Dreamz hates her and would rather keep Rocky, and the fact that Mookie promised he'd never vote for Rocky. Dreamz, who's probably dealt with all shapes and sizes of crazy and volatile when he was homeless, shrugs off Rocky's abrasive yelling, "I understand him: that's how he talks."

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff begins by asking Lisi about joining the New Zoo Ravu, and she stupidly reminds everyone that she almost quit the game and that she WANTED to go home then. She claims she didn't mean any of that and is now ready to play the game. Dreamz tips his hand by admitting that when Lisi had her hissy fit at the switch-up, he didn't want a quitter like her on his team, but he believes that she's changed. At that moment, you had to know that he wasn't gonna vote her out, because he can't REALLY believe that, nor expect us to. He's showing his allegiane to Ed and Alex, pure and simple. It was a very boring Tribal, really. No one wanted to rile Rocky up, so everyone was very vague and even though Rocky told us and Jeff that he was nervous, he is truly stunned when he's voted out 4-2. Mookie honors his word and votes for Lisi, who tempts Instant Karma by smugly smirking as Rocky sputters his way down the Walk of Shame. Lisi, you should be relieved and grateful, not cocky. But oh, wait, you're a moron. Never mind. Rocky vows vengeance from the Jury Box (it's an expanded jury like last season) which bodes well for Earl, Yau-man and Michelle, who did not betray him :) Here's hoping...

Rocky is knocked out in 12th place, where we lost Bible-thumping Dirk in Season One. In the Outback, stinky vegetarian Kimmi outlasted her welcome--but she DID let the other team know that Jeffy Jeff was vulnerable in a tie-break before she went, which turned out to be pivotal for Tina and Colby. In Africa, deluded pretty boy tyrant Silas was duped after Survivor's very first tribe shake-up and in the Marquesas, naive idealist Gabe couldn't commit to his alliance because, like, he didn't BELIEVE in alliances, MAN! So they got rid of him. In Thailand, Stephanie the bring skinny-dipping firefighter vanished and no one's thought of her since. The Amazon's feisty New Yawkuh Jeanne is far more memorable--she accused Janet of smuggling food before her ouster. In the Pearl Islands, this girl Michelle was booted after she no longer had her bully-protector Burton around and in Vanuatu, Lisa got the ax when Ami the Evil Lesbian misinterpreted something Lisa DIDN'T say while in Palau, James Who Should've Been Jim Bob got the heave-ho when the suckiest tribe to ever suck lost yet again, AGAIN. In Guatemala, we bid a sad farewell to crafty Smart Brian but in Exile we weren't too broken up over losing Bobby aka Bob Dog aka the guy that kept announcing when he was going to have a bowel movement. Last season, we bid farewell to charming Brad--he was the first person to make the jury this early in the game.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Rocky (who's real name is James, remember?) is ex-Navy and has an unfortunate September 11th birthday. He considers himself a "man's man," he loves raging Bull and Entourage and he roots for the Red Sox and WE GET IT, Rocky, you're a GUY.

I'm trying very hard to catch up, hopefully I will :)

Peace Out! Christine :D

Survivor 14.6 "I now have strength to carry a flag!"

Yes, I've fallen behind again--good thing I'm not in an Amazing Race against other bloggers, or I'd be targeted for elimination, for sure!

REALITY ROUNDUP

YAY! Laura and Max won "Grease: You're the One That I Want!" Good job, America. As for the Amazing Race, We had to endure Charla and Mirna winning twice, but they were so annoying and awful in Poland, at least I don't think they're fooling anyone into thinking they're awesome anymore. And did Mirna SERIOUSLY call that woman in Zanzibar, "My sister?" Yes, unfortunately she did. I'm done with Eric and Danielle too, but not AS. I like the other three teams at this moment. I'm LOVING American Idol! What a great season! Even the weaker contestants are pretty danged good--I'm going to that concert when it comes to Arco Arena, count on it! :D

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES

At Ravu, everyone is laying about dying and being menaced by swarms of flies. No one can figure out why they have a fly problem since they don't have any food. I'm sure Mark Burnett ordered up some Biblical plagues to lay on Ravu, while dropping off some caviar and jet-packs for Moto. Rocky bellows at Mookie when Mookie accidentally swats him instead of a fly. For someone who's always telling everyone to suck it up, Rocky sure bitches a lot...Yau-man is pleased to still be around, despite his lack of physical prowess and labels himself as dispensable. Not to weary viewers, Yow-man, trust me :)

Later that day, the tribes gather at the Reward beach, and Edgardo and Earl volunteer themselves when Jeff asks each team for a representative. Then, Jeff orders everyone to "drop their buffs," in that suggestive way of his. There is much "Whaaaa!?" and "Huh!?" to be had, before the men start picking teams. The way it goes is they have to pick someone from the old team to be on their new team, and then that person picks next. Naturally, the teams take turns and here's how it shook out: Edgardo picked Mookie, who picked Alex, who picked Rocky. Rocky chose Dreamz with a "Let's see if we can work this out," and Jeff made it seem like Nixon picking JFK to be his Bridge partner, "THE BIGGEST RIVALS IN SURVIVOR FIJI JUST TEAMED UP!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!???" Sigh, Jeff, chill out, they're two boys who've trashed talked a little during some games. Yes Rocky told him to shut up the first night, but since then...hasn't Rocky told EVERYONE to shut up? Anyway, Dreamz has no choice but to pick Anthony, who pretends to be put-out by being picked last, but you know he actually treasures his outsider status and wouldn't want it any other way. Then Earl starts off his new team by picking Big Jerky Boo. Boo takes Firestarter Michelle, she takes Cassandra, she takes Yau-man and that lease the two bitches, Stacy and Lisi. He picks the snotty Stacy, and Dumb Lisi is last. Lisi, who doesn't like to think before she speaks, blurts, "This would be a good time to leave," and doesn't seem all that bummed by the prospect. When Jeff informs her she's still in the game, she seems kinda bummed. She goes off to Exile and an irritated Jeff snarks that she'll find clues to the location of the Immunity Idol over there, "Maybe you'll find it and give it to someone who wants to play." Ka-Chow! Edgardo and Earl rock-paper-scissors it for the chance to reach into the bag o' buffs to see who gets to revel in luxury as New Moto, and who gets to suffer as the New Zoo Ravu. Edgardo wins the rock-paper-scissors contest with Earl, but his luck leaves him when he draws out his hand from the bag o'buffs to find the Orange Buff of Doom. Bwa-ha-ha. I was pretty pleased with the new arraignment.

CLUELESS

Lisi arrives on Exile Island, glances at the clues--which now contains a map of each camp and an eensy neon red X marks the pot and shrugs, "Yeah, whatever, I ain't reading nuthin' this sucks I had a cushy alliance and then I lost it and then I was gonna get to go home and now I gotta still play this stupid game and it sucks." Then she takes a breath and admits she wishes she'd waited to calm down and process the game's twist before she mouthed off.

TRADING PLACES

Earl is so excited to be at the opulent Moto camp, that he jumps into their big giant no-place-in-a-legitimate-game-of-Survivor bed before washing his clothes with detergent and taking a shower, which mortifies the still on vacation Stacy and Boo. The new tribe feasts on a spread of cheese and crackers and what-not, as Earl and Yau-man exchange a "We know where THEIR Idol is too, and none of them have been to Exile so they don't have a clue, how cool is THAT" look. Stacy looks ill, like Summer Roberts in the first season of "The OC" having to sit next to Seth Cohen in a Biology class or something, "Ew." THen Boo whines to us that this has thrown off his "tight" strategy to secure "his" million. *eyeroll*. Earl enjoys watching the big man squirm. He and Yau-man go to fish, and Cassandra brings them some coffee and happily dishes about Boo's nervousness. She's enjoying her new-found "swing vote" status, and Earl is reveling in his new power. He even does THAT likably. Go Earl!!

At the New Zoo Ravu, Sexy Alex is quite happy to be finally playing the real Survivor of struggle and adventure that he signed up for. All the boys then take a few minutes to rag on women-folk and exult in being an all-male tribe. Cut to that scene from "Say Anything" at the Gas n' Sip, "Bitches, man." Rocky bleats, "Ah love tuh touch 'em an' make aht an' yuh know, have convuhsations an' whatnot wit 'em, but deyes pain tuh be aroun' most uh duh time." All over America, women shudder at the thought of Rocky making out with them. And the sad thing is, the conversation part is probably even worse! Then Alex tries to bond the men together by dramatically (but masculinely, mind you) quoting a scene from the "The Count of Monte Cristo." Anthony, a self-professed nerd and movie buff, chooses to stand off to the side and smirk in judgment instead of partake in the whole bonding process. He then wanders off to whine to us about what an outcast he is, and CBS chooses to illustrate this with a shot of a swarm of ants consuming one of those horrific Spider That Looks Like an Oil Lamp's we saw in an earlier episode. He goes on and on about being last picked, and that first day of gym class where you're the scrawny kid and you have to take your shirt off, and he's just not gonna fit in on the burly man tribe. Dude, Alex was QUOTING FROM A MOVIE, not opening a beercan with his teeth. The guys all go off to hunt and gather, and Anthony is left behind to tend the fire, dubbing himself, "Cookie at the campfire." Sadly, Anthony--who takes part in live-action role-playing games (where you dress up in period costumes, etc.) in his free time--does not yodel to get in character.

The men all eagerly take to Alex's natural leadership. He enlists Mookie to join in a "Final Four" alliance with him, Edgardo and Dreamz. Then Rocky and Mookie proceed to talk about Anthony behind his back, you know, the way real men do...oh, wait, no, I'm thinking about 12-year-old girls! Rocky insists that the stuffy Anthony is "effeminite," while Mookie complains about the one time Anthony "almost cried." Everyone's spirits raise when Mookie catches a giant fish. Rocky insists, "Duh bad times uh ovuh--ah mean, cuh mon, on papuh wuh uh supuh powuh." Thank God I don't live in Boston--I'd hang myself if I had to hear that everyday.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

The Ravu dudes all strut onto the Challenge Beach with their shirts off--except Anthony, of course, even though it's gotta be physically impossible to be skinnier than Rocky at this point, and still be alive. The tribes are belted into this contraption where, there's this hub, and they're all attached to a pole that's coming out of it, and the poles can be adjusted, and they have to communicate in order to navigate through an obstacle. Yes, it's a little "You had to be there," I realize. The tribe's are neck and neck throughout the race, and they get bottled up a couple times. At one point Jeff says a "strange game of twister" is taking place. As if Twister's ever not strange. A lot of pain is involved, and Rocky keeps yelling at everyone to suck it up, and man up, and cowboy up, and shut up and fess up and pay up and hang up, up up up. CBS makes sure that America doesn't see 2.3 millimeters of Boo's butt crack--what hath Janet Jackson wrought? Eventually, Moto defeats the Papuh Tiguh Supuh Powuh. As Moto leaves, Yau-man chirps, "I have strength now to carry a flag!"

THAT'S THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES

Back at the New Zoo Ravu, CBS plays some twangy wagon train music as Anthony tends camp so everyone else can go off and plot to give him the boot. Then in a scene right out of "Days Of Our Lives," Anthony hides in the brush and holds back tears as he hears Rocky bray, "He's uh good kid, but Erica an' Jess'kuh wuh stronguh." He leaves out the part where he told both women he wouldn't vote for them and then he did, 'natch. Dreamz would rather see Rocky go, and Anthony starts beating that drum as well. Things look like they might go in Anthony's favor when Rocky berates Mookie for saying, "Gah!" when he burns his foot in the campfire. Anthony quips drolly to Alex and Ed, "Things should go swimmingly once our dear boy Rocky has been fed and watered--oh look what I did, I just compared Rocky, and rather unfavorably I might add, to a BEAST. My passive aggression should be just the ticket to drawing the other fellows over to my side." The other men frown as they watch Rocky order Anthony about and Anthony hop to it. Ed sighs, "Rocky has a few screws loose in his head, but Anthony is his bitch." Ed admits he doesn't want Rocky to make the Merge. As Anthony goes off to try and win Alex over, Rocky mocks, "Nah ee's gahn waaahne lahk a girl an' get peepuh tuh change dere votes--naht gahnna happen!" Rocky is a lower life form. And he makes Boston Rob seem like Ghandi. But you know what? Anthony isn't doing himself any favors. He doesn't stand up for himself--and it really seems like he could have won the other guys over if he HAD--and he's no fun. I like nerds--I AM a nerd, but if you're gonna be a nerd, be an interesting one!

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Ed and Alex both tell Jeff they like the new, harsher camp because they had really wanted to be on "SURVIVOR." Anthony makes a feeble attempt to bring up his odd-man-out status, and Rocky gets belligerent, "Put yuh cahds on duh table! Stan' up tuh me once in uh whule! Dat's a lahf lesson from me tuh yuh--stop bein' a guhl! Dere's nuttin' wuhse dehn a guhl unless yuh makin' owt wit huh!" Jeff nods in approval of "colorful" Rocky--you know he's gonna fawn all over him at the Reunion, and there gonna show a montage of him belittling everyone and everyone will smile and shake there heads--oh, that Rocky! Anyway, Jeff asks Anthony, "Yeah, why DON'T you be a man for once and stand up to Rocky, you punk-ass twerp?" Anthony moans that he's tried but Rocky just yells more, so Rocky then yells more, "Toughen up! Grow uh spine! Take yuh skirt off!" Alex looks horrified, but when Jeff calls him on it, he tries to placate Rocky by labeling his diatribe as "tough love" that would hurt his feelings had it been directed at him. In the end, Anthony finally decides to do some "live-action role-playing," and pretends to be worth keeping around. He gives an impassioned defense of his cool-under-pressure demeanor and insists that getting rid of Rocky and his odious name-calling will usher in a golden age for Ravu. It's too little, too late. Anthony goes down in a hail of votes, and in his exit interview, denounces Rocky and Mookie as the real reason why Ravu continues to suck. Best moment of the episode? The "Oh, SHIT!" looks on Dreamz and Ed's faces when Jeff reminds them that Lisi will be joining them the next morning. Priceless.

Anthony is eliminated in 13th place. In season one, Ramona wasn't prepared for the harsh environment of the game, and America cringed when she declared Poor Jenna as her "first white friend" minutes before Jenna gleefully voted her out. In the Outback, skinny songwriter Mitch was SUPPOSED to be safe and under Jerri's wing, but Colby decided to flip and save Keith after the first vote ended in a tie. In Africa, the Evil Friendship Necklace Kids got rid of Linda, but not before she wondered aloud to rageaholic Lindsay, "Did your momma nevuh hug ya?" In the Marquesas, a tribe shake-up separated Sarah and her ample bust from her godfather protector, Chachi, which spelled her doom. In Thailand, Ghandia's talk of Ted's night grinding added a skeevy tone to Survivor's worst season ever, and got the "Denver Diva" a ticket home. In the Amazon, we lost Joanna, the woman who truly did seem to think that having the Immunity Idol in camp might be construed by the Lord as idolatry and in the Pearl Islands, we thought we'd seen the last of Burton the arrogant bully, but no, Burnett and company let him back in. In Vanuatu, we were sorry to lose the amiable Bubba and in Palau, tattooed and feisty Angie was yet another casualty of "The Tribe that never won Immunity." In Guatemala, Margaret the Nurse ran afoul of the uncouth Judd and in Exile Island, we said so long to steel magnolia Ruth-Marie. Last season, our friend JeFlicka finished 13th.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Anthony is straight outta Compton, and his favorite sports team is the Edmonton Oilers. Really.

Next Up: Sigh. I'll be two weeks behind again :D Sorry!

Peace Out! Christine :D