Survivor 14.6 "I now have strength to carry a flag!"

Yes, I've fallen behind again--good thing I'm not in an Amazing Race against other bloggers, or I'd be targeted for elimination, for sure!

REALITY ROUNDUP

YAY! Laura and Max won "Grease: You're the One That I Want!" Good job, America. As for the Amazing Race, We had to endure Charla and Mirna winning twice, but they were so annoying and awful in Poland, at least I don't think they're fooling anyone into thinking they're awesome anymore. And did Mirna SERIOUSLY call that woman in Zanzibar, "My sister?" Yes, unfortunately she did. I'm done with Eric and Danielle too, but not AS. I like the other three teams at this moment. I'm LOVING American Idol! What a great season! Even the weaker contestants are pretty danged good--I'm going to that concert when it comes to Arco Arena, count on it! :D

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES

At Ravu, everyone is laying about dying and being menaced by swarms of flies. No one can figure out why they have a fly problem since they don't have any food. I'm sure Mark Burnett ordered up some Biblical plagues to lay on Ravu, while dropping off some caviar and jet-packs for Moto. Rocky bellows at Mookie when Mookie accidentally swats him instead of a fly. For someone who's always telling everyone to suck it up, Rocky sure bitches a lot...Yau-man is pleased to still be around, despite his lack of physical prowess and labels himself as dispensable. Not to weary viewers, Yow-man, trust me :)

Later that day, the tribes gather at the Reward beach, and Edgardo and Earl volunteer themselves when Jeff asks each team for a representative. Then, Jeff orders everyone to "drop their buffs," in that suggestive way of his. There is much "Whaaaa!?" and "Huh!?" to be had, before the men start picking teams. The way it goes is they have to pick someone from the old team to be on their new team, and then that person picks next. Naturally, the teams take turns and here's how it shook out: Edgardo picked Mookie, who picked Alex, who picked Rocky. Rocky chose Dreamz with a "Let's see if we can work this out," and Jeff made it seem like Nixon picking JFK to be his Bridge partner, "THE BIGGEST RIVALS IN SURVIVOR FIJI JUST TEAMED UP!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!???" Sigh, Jeff, chill out, they're two boys who've trashed talked a little during some games. Yes Rocky told him to shut up the first night, but since then...hasn't Rocky told EVERYONE to shut up? Anyway, Dreamz has no choice but to pick Anthony, who pretends to be put-out by being picked last, but you know he actually treasures his outsider status and wouldn't want it any other way. Then Earl starts off his new team by picking Big Jerky Boo. Boo takes Firestarter Michelle, she takes Cassandra, she takes Yau-man and that lease the two bitches, Stacy and Lisi. He picks the snotty Stacy, and Dumb Lisi is last. Lisi, who doesn't like to think before she speaks, blurts, "This would be a good time to leave," and doesn't seem all that bummed by the prospect. When Jeff informs her she's still in the game, she seems kinda bummed. She goes off to Exile and an irritated Jeff snarks that she'll find clues to the location of the Immunity Idol over there, "Maybe you'll find it and give it to someone who wants to play." Ka-Chow! Edgardo and Earl rock-paper-scissors it for the chance to reach into the bag o' buffs to see who gets to revel in luxury as New Moto, and who gets to suffer as the New Zoo Ravu. Edgardo wins the rock-paper-scissors contest with Earl, but his luck leaves him when he draws out his hand from the bag o'buffs to find the Orange Buff of Doom. Bwa-ha-ha. I was pretty pleased with the new arraignment.

CLUELESS

Lisi arrives on Exile Island, glances at the clues--which now contains a map of each camp and an eensy neon red X marks the pot and shrugs, "Yeah, whatever, I ain't reading nuthin' this sucks I had a cushy alliance and then I lost it and then I was gonna get to go home and now I gotta still play this stupid game and it sucks." Then she takes a breath and admits she wishes she'd waited to calm down and process the game's twist before she mouthed off.

TRADING PLACES

Earl is so excited to be at the opulent Moto camp, that he jumps into their big giant no-place-in-a-legitimate-game-of-Survivor bed before washing his clothes with detergent and taking a shower, which mortifies the still on vacation Stacy and Boo. The new tribe feasts on a spread of cheese and crackers and what-not, as Earl and Yau-man exchange a "We know where THEIR Idol is too, and none of them have been to Exile so they don't have a clue, how cool is THAT" look. Stacy looks ill, like Summer Roberts in the first season of "The OC" having to sit next to Seth Cohen in a Biology class or something, "Ew." THen Boo whines to us that this has thrown off his "tight" strategy to secure "his" million. *eyeroll*. Earl enjoys watching the big man squirm. He and Yau-man go to fish, and Cassandra brings them some coffee and happily dishes about Boo's nervousness. She's enjoying her new-found "swing vote" status, and Earl is reveling in his new power. He even does THAT likably. Go Earl!!

At the New Zoo Ravu, Sexy Alex is quite happy to be finally playing the real Survivor of struggle and adventure that he signed up for. All the boys then take a few minutes to rag on women-folk and exult in being an all-male tribe. Cut to that scene from "Say Anything" at the Gas n' Sip, "Bitches, man." Rocky bleats, "Ah love tuh touch 'em an' make aht an' yuh know, have convuhsations an' whatnot wit 'em, but deyes pain tuh be aroun' most uh duh time." All over America, women shudder at the thought of Rocky making out with them. And the sad thing is, the conversation part is probably even worse! Then Alex tries to bond the men together by dramatically (but masculinely, mind you) quoting a scene from the "The Count of Monte Cristo." Anthony, a self-professed nerd and movie buff, chooses to stand off to the side and smirk in judgment instead of partake in the whole bonding process. He then wanders off to whine to us about what an outcast he is, and CBS chooses to illustrate this with a shot of a swarm of ants consuming one of those horrific Spider That Looks Like an Oil Lamp's we saw in an earlier episode. He goes on and on about being last picked, and that first day of gym class where you're the scrawny kid and you have to take your shirt off, and he's just not gonna fit in on the burly man tribe. Dude, Alex was QUOTING FROM A MOVIE, not opening a beercan with his teeth. The guys all go off to hunt and gather, and Anthony is left behind to tend the fire, dubbing himself, "Cookie at the campfire." Sadly, Anthony--who takes part in live-action role-playing games (where you dress up in period costumes, etc.) in his free time--does not yodel to get in character.

The men all eagerly take to Alex's natural leadership. He enlists Mookie to join in a "Final Four" alliance with him, Edgardo and Dreamz. Then Rocky and Mookie proceed to talk about Anthony behind his back, you know, the way real men do...oh, wait, no, I'm thinking about 12-year-old girls! Rocky insists that the stuffy Anthony is "effeminite," while Mookie complains about the one time Anthony "almost cried." Everyone's spirits raise when Mookie catches a giant fish. Rocky insists, "Duh bad times uh ovuh--ah mean, cuh mon, on papuh wuh uh supuh powuh." Thank God I don't live in Boston--I'd hang myself if I had to hear that everyday.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

The Ravu dudes all strut onto the Challenge Beach with their shirts off--except Anthony, of course, even though it's gotta be physically impossible to be skinnier than Rocky at this point, and still be alive. The tribes are belted into this contraption where, there's this hub, and they're all attached to a pole that's coming out of it, and the poles can be adjusted, and they have to communicate in order to navigate through an obstacle. Yes, it's a little "You had to be there," I realize. The tribe's are neck and neck throughout the race, and they get bottled up a couple times. At one point Jeff says a "strange game of twister" is taking place. As if Twister's ever not strange. A lot of pain is involved, and Rocky keeps yelling at everyone to suck it up, and man up, and cowboy up, and shut up and fess up and pay up and hang up, up up up. CBS makes sure that America doesn't see 2.3 millimeters of Boo's butt crack--what hath Janet Jackson wrought? Eventually, Moto defeats the Papuh Tiguh Supuh Powuh. As Moto leaves, Yau-man chirps, "I have strength now to carry a flag!"

THAT'S THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES

Back at the New Zoo Ravu, CBS plays some twangy wagon train music as Anthony tends camp so everyone else can go off and plot to give him the boot. Then in a scene right out of "Days Of Our Lives," Anthony hides in the brush and holds back tears as he hears Rocky bray, "He's uh good kid, but Erica an' Jess'kuh wuh stronguh." He leaves out the part where he told both women he wouldn't vote for them and then he did, 'natch. Dreamz would rather see Rocky go, and Anthony starts beating that drum as well. Things look like they might go in Anthony's favor when Rocky berates Mookie for saying, "Gah!" when he burns his foot in the campfire. Anthony quips drolly to Alex and Ed, "Things should go swimmingly once our dear boy Rocky has been fed and watered--oh look what I did, I just compared Rocky, and rather unfavorably I might add, to a BEAST. My passive aggression should be just the ticket to drawing the other fellows over to my side." The other men frown as they watch Rocky order Anthony about and Anthony hop to it. Ed sighs, "Rocky has a few screws loose in his head, but Anthony is his bitch." Ed admits he doesn't want Rocky to make the Merge. As Anthony goes off to try and win Alex over, Rocky mocks, "Nah ee's gahn waaahne lahk a girl an' get peepuh tuh change dere votes--naht gahnna happen!" Rocky is a lower life form. And he makes Boston Rob seem like Ghandi. But you know what? Anthony isn't doing himself any favors. He doesn't stand up for himself--and it really seems like he could have won the other guys over if he HAD--and he's no fun. I like nerds--I AM a nerd, but if you're gonna be a nerd, be an interesting one!

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Ed and Alex both tell Jeff they like the new, harsher camp because they had really wanted to be on "SURVIVOR." Anthony makes a feeble attempt to bring up his odd-man-out status, and Rocky gets belligerent, "Put yuh cahds on duh table! Stan' up tuh me once in uh whule! Dat's a lahf lesson from me tuh yuh--stop bein' a guhl! Dere's nuttin' wuhse dehn a guhl unless yuh makin' owt wit huh!" Jeff nods in approval of "colorful" Rocky--you know he's gonna fawn all over him at the Reunion, and there gonna show a montage of him belittling everyone and everyone will smile and shake there heads--oh, that Rocky! Anyway, Jeff asks Anthony, "Yeah, why DON'T you be a man for once and stand up to Rocky, you punk-ass twerp?" Anthony moans that he's tried but Rocky just yells more, so Rocky then yells more, "Toughen up! Grow uh spine! Take yuh skirt off!" Alex looks horrified, but when Jeff calls him on it, he tries to placate Rocky by labeling his diatribe as "tough love" that would hurt his feelings had it been directed at him. In the end, Anthony finally decides to do some "live-action role-playing," and pretends to be worth keeping around. He gives an impassioned defense of his cool-under-pressure demeanor and insists that getting rid of Rocky and his odious name-calling will usher in a golden age for Ravu. It's too little, too late. Anthony goes down in a hail of votes, and in his exit interview, denounces Rocky and Mookie as the real reason why Ravu continues to suck. Best moment of the episode? The "Oh, SHIT!" looks on Dreamz and Ed's faces when Jeff reminds them that Lisi will be joining them the next morning. Priceless.

Anthony is eliminated in 13th place. In season one, Ramona wasn't prepared for the harsh environment of the game, and America cringed when she declared Poor Jenna as her "first white friend" minutes before Jenna gleefully voted her out. In the Outback, skinny songwriter Mitch was SUPPOSED to be safe and under Jerri's wing, but Colby decided to flip and save Keith after the first vote ended in a tie. In Africa, the Evil Friendship Necklace Kids got rid of Linda, but not before she wondered aloud to rageaholic Lindsay, "Did your momma nevuh hug ya?" In the Marquesas, a tribe shake-up separated Sarah and her ample bust from her godfather protector, Chachi, which spelled her doom. In Thailand, Ghandia's talk of Ted's night grinding added a skeevy tone to Survivor's worst season ever, and got the "Denver Diva" a ticket home. In the Amazon, we lost Joanna, the woman who truly did seem to think that having the Immunity Idol in camp might be construed by the Lord as idolatry and in the Pearl Islands, we thought we'd seen the last of Burton the arrogant bully, but no, Burnett and company let him back in. In Vanuatu, we were sorry to lose the amiable Bubba and in Palau, tattooed and feisty Angie was yet another casualty of "The Tribe that never won Immunity." In Guatemala, Margaret the Nurse ran afoul of the uncouth Judd and in Exile Island, we said so long to steel magnolia Ruth-Marie. Last season, our friend JeFlicka finished 13th.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Anthony is straight outta Compton, and his favorite sports team is the Edmonton Oilers. Really.

Next Up: Sigh. I'll be two weeks behind again :D Sorry!

Peace Out! Christine :D