Survivor 14.7 "Suck up the stomach ache and shut up about it!"

REALITY ROUNDUP

BOO AMERICA FOR GINA BEING OUT BEFORE HALEY AND SANJYA! BOOOOOOO! :( Okay, I'm okay now, and I'm sorry. I know if you're voting, you're no voting for Haley and Sanjaya. Unless you're a Howard Stern fan. I wasn't ready to lose Gina, but with the forces of Evil bound together to destroy American Idol with Sanjaya, some unpleasantness is gonna happen. I refuse to accept that Sanjaya could WIN, I still think Melinda or Jordin will, but brace yourself for more complaining from me as the weeks go on and Sanjaya outlives more talented people...though I do realize the buzz he's generating right now is great for the show itself--I don't want to hear your conspiracy theories, Jim Bates! My emotions are to close to the surface right now ;) In the Amazing Race department, I'm alarmed by Charla and Mirna's success, and that I don't find the beauty queens as dastardly as the other racers do. Seriously--you're in a race, and you have a chance to delay a team by 30 minutes. I think it's stupid NOT to Yield anyone, given the chance. I'm pulling for Cha Cha Cha or the blondes--the others are whiners. On to Survivor...

THE BITCH IS BACK

Edgardo frets about Lisi's imminent arrival, predicting she'll probably drive them all crazy if she hasn't already quit. Alex is more optimistic. He thinks that Lisi will be fine without Stacy's "bad influence," and without any other women to threaten her. Lisi arrives and tries to play off her time in Exile as though it wasn't that bad, even though she had a total meltdown over there. She also thinks she has a tight relationship with Ed and ALex, who've already thrown her over for Dreamz and Mookie. Dreamz hasn't forgotten how lousy she treated him back at Club Moto, and is gunning for her.

CAN YOU DIG IT?

Earl engineers a fishing expedition in order to give Yau-man a chance to find the Immunity Idol. The gang goes in search of Moto's somewhat marooned boat. Using a pick-axe instead of a rusty machete, Yau-man finds the Idol (which is a turtle) and celebrates before covering his tracks. He quietly informs Earl when he returns that Immunity is theirs. I'm pretty happy at the friendship between Earl and Yau-man, by two favorite Fiji players. I hope things continue to go well for them.

REWARD CHALLENGE

Even Lisi's former pal Boo seems shocked that lame Lisi managed to survive Exile without throwing in the towel. Jeff tells the gang that the Reward is a day at an Arcade, with pool, bowling, hot dogs and beer. The contest involves hurling fireballs at targets. As usual, Dreamz is one of the strongest players. Boo makes a show of licking his finger to test the wind, but it doesn't do him any good. Mookie and Rocky gaffaw at Yau-man and then have to scrape their jaws off the floor when he connects with the target. What the hell have Mookie and Rocky accomplished, anyway, to make them think they can make fun of anyone? Freakin' losers. Well, not today because Ravu wins it's first challenge ever (no thanks to Rocky, who whines like a baby when he misses his target). Predictably, they send Earl to Exile. I've probably mentioned this before, but I hope in a future season, they make the losing team pick someone from their own tribe to Exile--it would make things so deliciously awkward :) Once in Exile, Earl declares the Island "Earl Island," and draws a lovely sign to declare it so...

CHUCK FIJI's

The New Zoo Ravu makes waaaay to much of there victory, pronouncing Moto dead and doomed now that they've won one silly little party. "Sucks to be Moto," they jeer. Yeah, riiiiight. Lisi seems to be fitting in okay as she does her "Just one of the guys" bit. Rocky describes the day as "How much food ken yuh shove down yuh piehole?" and indeed, between computer golf and pool and bowling, everyone manages to over indulge. Everyone gets sick and Rocky starts in on his team, talking about food when they beg him not to, laughing at their pain, and bellowing, "Suck up duh stomachache and shut up abou' it!" Edgard frowns, "He criticizes everyone all the time--we don't need that hear, we've got bosses and teachers back home for that." Rocky is too much of a meatball to realize that acting like a "Good Will Hunting" lout only works if you look like Ben Affleck. He's wearing out his welcome, fast.

COCONUT SHELL GAME

Back at Moto, a clueless Boo is sure that it's "weak" Yau-man who will go home if Moto doesn't pull it together for Immunity. Which...is interesting because Yau-man has performed better in the challenges than Stacy and in this latest challenge, he succeeded where Boo himself failed. But Boo is even denser about the tribe's new politics, which don't include him. Earl and Yau-man are aligned and dangerous. Yau-man is very happy to have befriended Earl, who he dubs, "A very strong and honorable man." Then Yau-man has a stroke of wicked genius! He uses the war paint from a few days ago and a coconut shell to mock up a dummy Immunity Idol and buries it where he found the real one--now if ONLY Boo or Stacy would find it!

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Ah, it's a classic. Earl returns from Exile for the old Survivor standby, where one player is the "caller" and yells instructions to their blindfolded teammates who usually incur painful injuries as they bumble around trying to complete a task. In this one, they have to break a skull pinata and then gather the...wait for it...you know what I'm about to say, don't you?...puzzle pieces that drop from it and place them on this board. When all the pieces are on the board, all the members take off their blindfolds and try to solve a word jumble. They can switch callers as often as they like. Alex sends Ed crashing into a pole. Michelle really gets into the cheerleading aspect of being the caller, even though her patience is tried by Boo, who can't seem to tell his left from his right. At one point, Michelle gets so excited that she bounces right of the platform but it doesn't seem to faze her one bit. Boo takes over for her and does surprising well, considering he's an idiot. Moto takes a slight lead into the jumble, but they bog down and the tribes are neck and neck. Stacy hollers, "Get Michelle in here, we need an Asian girl to solve this puzzle! Asian girls are great at puzzles!" Michelle frowns as she sorts the letters and starts putting together the phrase, "Stacy, YOU'RE an Asian girl too!" Stacy smirks, "Yeah, but I'm not a nerd, Firestarter." Michelle quickly comes up with "Cannibal Isle," and Moto wins Immunity. Sucks to be Ravu!

DEAD MEAT

Edgardo and Alex figure that what they really need is loyalty, not strength, and Lisi is loyal to the two of them. She's also arguably as strong as Rocky, who's done jack crap in the challenges, which no one seems to notice. He's a scrawny, blustery jack-ass! He's not wearing shiny shorts, he's not Sly Stallone, HE'S NOT ACTUALLY ROCKY. He just looks like he's been punched in the face too many times, probably because he HAS, and I'm sure he had it coming. Anyway, his crap attitude leads Alex to tell Lisi they want to boot Rocky, not her. She then gives up any power she has in the game by blabbing where the Idol is. At first, she says the clues were "vague" and that the Idol "might" be on this Island and not Exile, and she's so stupid, I totally believed that she didn't understand the glaringly obvious clues laid out for her, but then she tells Alex that it's probably buried under the cave where they sleep. She's just so pathetic--she'd rather suck up to Alex and Ed than try to win the game herself. I mean, of all the people who could EASILY arrange it so their left tending the fire while everyone goes out hunting and gathering, HELLO, it's the only girl in an all-dude tribe. But, I hate Lisi, so kudos for mortally wounding your game, Lisi. Also not working in he favor is the fact that Dreamz hates her and would rather keep Rocky, and the fact that Mookie promised he'd never vote for Rocky. Dreamz, who's probably dealt with all shapes and sizes of crazy and volatile when he was homeless, shrugs off Rocky's abrasive yelling, "I understand him: that's how he talks."

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff begins by asking Lisi about joining the New Zoo Ravu, and she stupidly reminds everyone that she almost quit the game and that she WANTED to go home then. She claims she didn't mean any of that and is now ready to play the game. Dreamz tips his hand by admitting that when Lisi had her hissy fit at the switch-up, he didn't want a quitter like her on his team, but he believes that she's changed. At that moment, you had to know that he wasn't gonna vote her out, because he can't REALLY believe that, nor expect us to. He's showing his allegiane to Ed and Alex, pure and simple. It was a very boring Tribal, really. No one wanted to rile Rocky up, so everyone was very vague and even though Rocky told us and Jeff that he was nervous, he is truly stunned when he's voted out 4-2. Mookie honors his word and votes for Lisi, who tempts Instant Karma by smugly smirking as Rocky sputters his way down the Walk of Shame. Lisi, you should be relieved and grateful, not cocky. But oh, wait, you're a moron. Never mind. Rocky vows vengeance from the Jury Box (it's an expanded jury like last season) which bodes well for Earl, Yau-man and Michelle, who did not betray him :) Here's hoping...

Rocky is knocked out in 12th place, where we lost Bible-thumping Dirk in Season One. In the Outback, stinky vegetarian Kimmi outlasted her welcome--but she DID let the other team know that Jeffy Jeff was vulnerable in a tie-break before she went, which turned out to be pivotal for Tina and Colby. In Africa, deluded pretty boy tyrant Silas was duped after Survivor's very first tribe shake-up and in the Marquesas, naive idealist Gabe couldn't commit to his alliance because, like, he didn't BELIEVE in alliances, MAN! So they got rid of him. In Thailand, Stephanie the bring skinny-dipping firefighter vanished and no one's thought of her since. The Amazon's feisty New Yawkuh Jeanne is far more memorable--she accused Janet of smuggling food before her ouster. In the Pearl Islands, this girl Michelle was booted after she no longer had her bully-protector Burton around and in Vanuatu, Lisa got the ax when Ami the Evil Lesbian misinterpreted something Lisa DIDN'T say while in Palau, James Who Should've Been Jim Bob got the heave-ho when the suckiest tribe to ever suck lost yet again, AGAIN. In Guatemala, we bid a sad farewell to crafty Smart Brian but in Exile we weren't too broken up over losing Bobby aka Bob Dog aka the guy that kept announcing when he was going to have a bowel movement. Last season, we bid farewell to charming Brad--he was the first person to make the jury this early in the game.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Rocky (who's real name is James, remember?) is ex-Navy and has an unfortunate September 11th birthday. He considers himself a "man's man," he loves raging Bull and Entourage and he roots for the Red Sox and WE GET IT, Rocky, you're a GUY.

I'm trying very hard to catch up, hopefully I will :)

Peace Out! Christine :D