Survivor 12.6 "I haven't lashed out at you in days."

Yes, after three long weeks, Survivor is back this Thursday with an all-new episode! Remember what happened in the last new episode? Well then, let me refresh your memory...

PILLOW TRASH-TALK

It's the middle of the night, so naturally Crazy Shane wants to loudly discuss Tribal Council. He tells Danielle that voting out Bobby instead of Bruce was a mistake, and he hangs it all on her, claiming the decision was made solely based on her personal antipathy for Bobby. Zuh? Shane is forgetting that HE was the first to bring up Bobby, and then he went all flip-floppy because he can't stand up to Aras. The whole tribe is kept as Shane blabbers on about how "Bruce is falling apart" and when Danielle worries about Bruce hearing this, Shane crows, "Who cares if Bruce can hear, no one can touch our mighty alliance. Oh, by the way, I want out of this alliance." That's right, Shane is so convinced that the girls are gonna bring him down with their irrational decision-making, he wants to go into the Merge as a "lone wolf," which in Survivor means sitting duck--especially when he's aggressively ticking people off, which is pretty much Shane on a good day. He wants Danielle to give him his son's name back so he can leave the alliance. This whole thing has conjured this image for me of like, "Clash of the Titans," with all the Greek Gods watching events unfold in their heavenly TV screen or whatever, "If Shane turns on Danielle, then Boston's soul belongs to ME," cackles Zeus. Dani wants to argue about in the morning, she's sane like that.

So, that morning, Cirie eagerly fills in Courtney (who likes to be all "one with the Goddess Island or whatever and sleep on the beach) about what happened in the shelter, that Shane wants his son's name back...*sigh*...and to be released from the alliance. "I'd like to release him from this game," Courtney snorts, as Cirie tries to keep her smile from showing. "I can't believe I talked this guy back into the game," Courtney laments, as America replies, "We can't either!" Dani arrives and she's sick of what Shane's "crazy, manic psycho fits." She and Courtney both agree that getting rid of Shane would be their next move--of course, it's too good to be true...

ROCKET MAN

At La MENa, Dan is reflecting on how beautiful Panama is, and how it's even more beautiful from space, "I AM an astronaut, you may recall," he reminds us. Sally is still the odd girl out, and she thinks the guys are playing a dumb game, "These guys think they know how the game is played," she shrugs, implying that they don't--she also doesn't think the all-man alliance will last as long as they think it will. As Terry and Austin choke down minnows to live, Dan gives Nick the same "Even I find it hard to believe" delivery he gave to Terry when he reveals, "Well it turns out, I didn't just WORK on the shuttle...I RODE on the shuttle!" Seeing him do it again makes it come off a little shticky and false--the modesty part. Nick is in total awe and gushes, "I never thought I'd ever MEET an astronaut, let alone LIVE with one!" Austin too eats it up with spoon as Dan holds court with his tales of adventure. He tells us, "Listening to stories about me being awesome is just another way for us to bond." Feeling a little inadequate, Austin the struggling writer quips, "I guess I need to come clean: my real name is John Grisham." We're just glad you've stopped comparing yourself to Jesus, Austin.

SHANE, SHANE, SHANE...SHANE'S A FOOL

As Courtney gets all, "Dude, I'm like, so jazzed that like, the sun is like, shining, man," Shane comes over and launches into his pitch, "Look, in a normal alliance, I could just betray you guys, but I went all Twila on you and swore on my kid, so I would just--" "DONE!" Danielle interrupts, eager to be rid of Shane and his damn kid's name. Courtney tells Shane he's making a mistake, and he starts blathering about how he won't be in league with people who make "decisions based on personal feelings." Uh, this is a game about relationships so good luck with that. I mean, yeah, Hatch and Porn Star Brian won that way, but Hatch was a Vampire and Brian was a...porn star. Their souls died long ago. But evil though they were, you wouldn't catch either of them throwing a temper tantrum about who gets to sit on a frickin' tree stump, or braying about strategy in front of non-alliance members in the dead of night. Anyway, the girls remind him that getting rid of Bobby was the original plan, and he's the one who changed his mind. Then they point out how he's always lashing out at them and Shane scoffs, "I haven't lashed out at you in...days." He also thinks it's interesting that Courtney and Danielle are the only two that seem to have a problem with him, which isn't true of course, it's just Cirie and Bruce have no power in the tribe so they're playing it cool, and Aras is also trying not to stir things up. However, he's as "DONE!" with Shane as the girls are, "I NEED to get out of this alliance, because I'm in it with an idiot!" he frets. He's more diplomatic when dealing with Shane of course, telling him he respects that Shane felt he needed out of the Psycotic joke, but he feels Shane went about it in the wrong way--needlessly antagonizing the girls. Shane seems to agree, saying about Danielle, "I lashed out hard at her. I don't like her, she's a meatball. I don't like Courtney either. But I feel I screwed myself BAD." Well Shane, that's what happens when you make decisions based on personal feelings :) Then Aras toys with our emotions by saying, "I feel like SHane just wrote his walking papers." Yeah, I wish, but there's still a lot of episode left...

ONE BAD STEP FOR DAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR SALLY

Back at La MENa, Nick seems a little freaked out by the skull-shaped tree mail, and i have to agree, this year has been pretty loose with the morbid imagery. Next year should be Survivor: Fiesta! and each week, someone tries to get an Immunity Idol out of a cute and colorful pinata, or something. Because you know we're not ever leaving Central America, right? Considering what happened last season on the Amazing Race, I think it's best we not complain. We start ragging on them for keeping us in Latin America and next thing we know, we're watching 10-year-olds try to earn Immunity by climbing the World's Largest Rocking Chair in Bumble Hick, Kansas, you dig? All right then. The tree mail reveals that this contest is for Reward AND Immunity, and Austin hyperboles, "I'll DIE if we don't win this!" La MENa needs to win today if they want to merge with even numbers at 5-5, so it IS important. Terry intones, "I'm a man, so I'd better make a sports analogy to explain our situation: This is like game 7 of the World Series for us." Uh, no it isn't because you're not all going home if you lose, dude. It's more like...game four of the ALCS. Actually, it's more like a game in the World Cup or the World Baseball Classic...oh what the hell am I doing: It's the last Immunity Challenge before the Merge in Survivor, we don't need no stinkin' similes, Terry.

Both teams gather at the Challenge Beach, and La MENa are stunned that Bobby is gone, "I can't believe they voted out a GUY!" they all think to themselves. Jeff tells them about the challenge, which involves three people sprinting out one by one into a field and untying knots and bring back *drumroll* puzzle pieces so that two other people can do this giant skull puzzle where you have to turn these non-skull pieces until you can fit the skull-shaped pieces in the right place. You kinda had to be there. The winning team gets Immunity and a Panamanian BBQ feast with a local village. Also, they get to send someone from the losing tribe to Exile Island as usual--but there's a twist! Whoever gets chosen to be exiled will miss Tribal Council, thus granting them Immunity. Pretty cool, I must say. Chaosa sits out Courtney, and has Dani, Shane and Aras running for the pieces against Terry, Austin and Nick. La MENa builds a fairly substantial lead, but then it comes down to Dan and Sally's ability to solve the puzzle and they hella bonk. They can't make it work, and Cirie and Bruce are able to get the task done first and Chaosa wins Immunity, and a theoretical numbers advantage. They also get to save someone from potential eviction via Exile Island, and that choice is easy. It's obvious the men have an alliance (since they've voted out Misty and then Ruth Marie) so Chaosa wisely protects Sally, who is of course, pretty pleased. She looks for the now-gone Immunity Idol and spends her time digging around the tree that looks like a "Y aka Why" so she probably would have found it had Terry not already made off with it...

TOO BAD WE CAN'T HAVE BOOZE AND CIGARETTES EVERYDAY

Chaosa rides into the village in their boat and are greeted by oodles of adorable, happy children, and the gang passes out some toys and then have a full-on pig out and we have to get a little snippet from everyone about how "Food is SO awesome! I haven't eaten it in a long time and it's SO GOOD!" and so on. CIrie then raves, "It was just really nice to be around people other than...these people." Heh, I love Cirie. THen Shane goes and ruins his detox by bumming a cigarette off of one of the townsmen (much to health-nut Aras's dismay) and Shane has this wacko, disgusting love affair with the cancer stick, and then tries to turn the whole thing into a public service announcement, "Man, just feeling what this one cigarette is doing to me, just makes me that much more aware of how devastating nicotine really is." CBS will probably count it as educational programming. THe fractious tribe does wind up bonding, which Cirie has mixed feeling about--she's glad to be eating, but she worries that the "Shane's gotta go" window may have just closed, "Courtney and Danielle are easily persuaded by Shane's nonsense," she sighs, as elsewhere, Shane apologizes to Danielle and bizarrely tells her, "I don't owe anyone anything on this island, except you." Say what? "Okay Honey, my crazy boy," Danielle slurs on her way back to the party from the bathroom. Shane seems to feel he has everything turned around and squared away and he's all touched by everything, but really, Dani's drunk, he's on a nicotine buzz, and let's just wait and see how long it takes before Scary Shane returns and starts pushing everyone's buttons. In other Chaosa Party news, Bruce does a demonstration of his "katas," you know, where he fights imaginary guys and yells? The locals clap politely, though the little ones seem a little freaked out. Personally, I prefer my karate demonstrations to involve more than one person, just so it's, I dunno. Remotely interesting to watch.

THE RIGHT SNUFFED

The mood is decidedly different at La MENa, as we're treated to a shot of a hideous giant millipede thing, to symbolize...Terry not knowing how to play Survivor. Dan is performing an intricate autopsy on the team's loss--he can't believe they lost, since he and Sally had actually figured the puzzle out, they just couldn't get the pieces to fit where they were supposed to. Austin talks to Terry in private and plants a seed, wondering how a NASA engineer failed to solve a silly skull puzzle, and then he gives Terry a line about how, "This is a young person's game now, and Nick and I can take you a lot further than Dan can, which Terry buys hook line and sinker, despite that fact that it makes NO SENSE. Once the Merge is on, it's an individual game--it may help to have you alliance win Immunity to keep it from certain people you want to axe, but at this point, you're better of going in with people who are loyal to you than you are with people who may be physically stronger than you are. Back at the shelter, Dan is still going on and on about his failure with the puzzle, and then brings up the fact that it will be a 2 versus 2 situation at Tribal Council, because he and Terry would never vote against one another, and Nick and Austin won't either. Then Dan asks Nick if Austin is "interested in leaving," which I guess is his uber-passive way of asking Nick to flip on Austin and the equally passive Nick mumbles, "Uh, I'll go ask him."

While Dan is confident in his bond with Terry, Super Terry is revealing his feet of clay as shrugs, "Dan and I have crackloads in common with the flying and all--I mean, I'm a fighter pilot. I've cracked the sound barrier, so I'm like PRACTICALLY an astronaut too, or like, I could have been. Anyway, that's not important, what's important is I'm in charge of this team, and I'm a MAN, so it's time for another sports analogy: I'm gonna put on my Joe Torre hat, and make a managerial decision for the good of MY team." He goes to Dan and Dan starts going on and on AGAIN about how he was the one that screwed up today and HE'S the reason they lost and America is screaming at their televisions, "WE KNOW! THEY KNOW! EVERYONE KNOWS IT WAS YOUR FAULT, DAN!" Then he gets crazy melodramatic and says, "If I did that in space--because, remember, I'm an astronaut--You DIE!" Dan, take it down 200 miles, it was a puzzle on a game show. Terry sighs and tells him, "Dan, I gave you my word as a man that I'd never lie to you, and so I'm telling you right now, I'm turning on you--in the most honorable and manly way that I can." Dan nods his head, "And I'm also a man, so I have to own up to the fact that I did indeed mess up today, and I have to recognize your status as the team's Alpha Male and I can't get upset or complain about the fact that those two punks, Nick and AUstin are showing more loyalty to each other than you are to me. Officer and Gentleman, my ASS." Terry is pleased.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff asks Austin whether Sally is REALLY a member of the tribe, and he claims she is, but it's very, "She's one of us because what the hell else are we gonna do?" When Jeff asks how close the four men are, Nick raves, "We're amazingly tight, in a very very VERY heterosexual, beer-commercial fishing trip kind of way, Jeff. We're men, so we discussed who was leaving today in very unemotional, businesslike way." Jeff snorts, "Ha! If you were REAL men, you wouldn't have discussed it at ALL. You would have repressed everything and then played some sort of modified island version of rugby to externalize what you WANTED to say. Now tell me who's going home tonight so I can get back to the hotel already." Dan speaks up, "Well, they're all MEN, so they came to me in very straightforward, manly way and told me I was out and that's fair--three people did their jobs today and two people didn't and one of them has immunity and thank GOD this didn't happen in Space. I'm still a freakin' astronaut, though, okay? You know who's seen Earth the way I have? God. God, dozens and dozens of astronauts from all over the world, angels...and maybe dead people, I'm not sure how that works. What were we talking about?" Jeff sighs, "We were talking about how you're totally cool with leaving the game, and you KNOW how much I hate that. I mean, yeah, I pretty much talked Janu into quitting but that was to keep Steph around a week longer. And okay sure, I let Jenna leave All-Stars but her Mom was dying. And then, sure, we let Sue leave, but that was because we thought she was gonna sue us...let me rephrase: You know much I hate it when MEN quit. You know, like Osten. So you're not quitting, right? You're not falling on your sword here, are you?" Dan shakes his head, "No Jeff, I really wish Terry would stand up for me the way he said he would but I'm not gonna be a woman about it." Terry cuts in, "Jeff, I'm the leader of this tribe, and so I felt I had to make a managerial decision in the tribe's best interest to do whatever it is that Austin wants." Dan votes for Austin, the rest of the MEN vote for Dan "Fuego" (because he kept the fire going) and give him a salute as he walks manfully towards Survivor Oblivion. I realize a tie-breaker is a volatile situation and all, but Terry DOES have that Immunity...I dunno. He may still wind up winning the whole thing, but I think his chances just went waaaaay down. He opted to compromise (unlike Austin and Nick who never even considered it) and vote out some one who he was 90% certain to beat in every individual challenge and who would never, ever vote him out of the game. In other words, he just got rid of his Rudy. Dan is of course gracious and chipper in his exit interview, and then we get to see his delightfully nerdy kids tell him to come home because "the robot misses" him. And yes, it does appear that they have a robot.

Dan the Astronaut Man is voted out in 11th place--the pivotal last-vote-out-before-the-Merge. The first person to earn this dubious honor was Joel who advocated voting as one group against the other team--something most of his doomed Pagong tribe naively felt was "unfair." In the Outback, Michael was airlifted out of the game after passing out in the fire and severely burning his hands. The tribe shake-up in Africa continued to doom the evil friendship-bracelet bunch, as cussy emotional-trainwreck Lindsay was dispatched at this point in the game. In the Marquesas, Gina was a victim of numbers, even though Pappy and Neleh liked her better than they did Krazy Kath and in Thailand, Dumbb Robb got the boott despite bondingg withh hiss tribe at a pre-Merge cry-fest. In the Amazon, Shawna's brief career as a hostage ended when the girls picked boys over her and in the Pearl Islands, Trish made a bizarre and disastrous move against Rupert, but Christa and Sandra stayed true to the big man, and it was Trish that went home. In Vanuatu, the unmemorable John K. was dispatched when Sarge fatefully opted to trust Twila over him and in Palau, Ibrehem the quiet hunk was the last person voted out of the suckiest tribe ever when Bobby Jon chose to side with Steph and last year, tough-tawkin' Amy was reluctantly sent packing.

RECAP RECAP

As for the clip show, it was a little better than I expected--nothing earth-shattering, of course, and no "Jerri-sings-Fiona-Apple" defining deleted scene, but still, more enjoyable than I'd feared. One great things was CBS made the darn thing "fast-forward friendly" by labeling the scenes as "New Scene" when they came on. Without further adieu...

SCENE ONE: Courtney, Danielle and Sally struggle to open a coconut, and Dani laments that they don't have a "male" around to do it. Sally professes her love for the machete, and eventually gets the job done.

TWO: Tina finds a bunch of oysters embedded in the rocks near the Golden Girls camp (where Chaosa now resides), pigs out on the raw critters, and boasts to the camera that she'll never tell the other girls about them. Apparently, the oyster secret went with her when she was evicted, because they ain't been eating oysters.

THREE: Bruce goes off on a late-nite KUH-RAH-TAY! jag, and rhapsodizes about how satisfying it is to defeat thousands of imaginary opponents. I dare any of you to go around calling karate KUH RAH TAY! It's like how we all say "Les Miz," because is you said "Les MiserablAH!" everyone would think you were a pretentious idiot. I'm sure KUH RAH TAY! is right, but kuhRAHtee won't raise eyebrows. Anyway, the other men are bemused by Bruce's going off into the dark to practice his KATAS!, which Shane refers to as his "Wang Chung's." Shane thinks Bruce is kinda awesome, "If he wants to get his Miyagi on, great. I love odd people." Takes one to know one, dude.

FOUR: Misty tries to play coy with the other younger girls and imply that she found the idol, but Courtney and Sally are very skeptical.

*Then we get a bonus interview of first-evictee Tina lamenting the fact that she was on an all-girls tribe. If she had been with men, she thinks she would've been valued, and kept around.

FIVE: Bruce angers the men of The Lodge by insisting on using "his share" of the group's meager drinking water to wash his hands after touching the shelter (to which he apparently has some sort of severe allergy). Shane wonders why Bruce couldn't have just stuck his hands in the torrential downpour. Man, I hate it when I agree with Shane.

SIX: Courtney teaches the other Spice Girls a song, in Spanish, about their tribe.

SEVEN: Cirie and Miranda drink rainwater off of leaves to keep from dehydrating.

*In a bonus interview with Miranda, she tells us that Survivor's hard!

EIGHT: Chaosa is having a finger-pointing contest about their loss to La MENa. Cirie refers to her tribe (in a diary session) as the most "aggravadingest" people she's ever met. Bobby calls the Psychotic Joke on their cliqueness and Shane sneers that he's just bummed because he's on the outside of the clique, which is like, duh, Shane, who wouldn't be? Bobby tells the power alliance that they're all acting like 7th grade girls. Aras tries to lead the group in a New Age Bullcrap primal scream to dispel all the negative energy, and Shane decrees that Aras should make all personnel decisions at competitions--which admittedly is a good idea, because they go on a winning streak afterwards.

NINE: This is an important one because one of the episodes had "snake dinner" in the title and then after the episode aired, those of us who read the titles were like, "What a rip-off, WHAT snake dinner?" Well, it turns out, Aras went snake-hunting with the machete and killed a snake and Chaosa feasted on it. Courtney subjected the gang to one of HER New Age Bullcrap rituals when she insisted the snake was magical and would bestow healing powers on them and then went on to thank the snake for giving its energy to the tribe. Cirie shrugs in one of her typically amusing diary sessions that if it means she doesn't get voted off the island, "I'll agree with whatever crazy-ass thing she says." Word.

*In a bonus interview, Misty says she was surprised to be voted out

TEN: Father of the Year Shane is going into one of his downward spirals over missing his son's 13th birthday. Courtney tries to cheer him up by insisting, "You're the best dad in the world--you have your son's name over your heart!" Yep guys, that's all it takes. Screw the quality time and the moral guidance, just get a tattoo. Anyway, Chaosa sings "Happy Birthday" to the absent Boston, and Cirie admits that it DID make her feel close to the group for the first time--as if they were a family.

ELEVEN: A sympathetic Austin listens to a tearful Sally as she reveals that her parents have pretty much disowned her since she got divorced, because...*drumroll* ... they're hardcore Christians. We aren't all that judgmental, I swear.

*In a bonus interview, Ruth Marie cheerfully let's the boys off the hook, "It's not a game of honor, it's a game of deception," she drawls. I still think she deserved better.

TWELVE: Danielle and Cirie are bitching about Bobby's laziness, so Cirie rousts him from his mid-day slumber and gets him to rebuild their constantly-in-need-of-rebuilding fire. Bobby pretends to be dumber than he is about firebuilding, which an irritated Danielle fails to appreciate.

*In a bonus interview, Bobby gives us more of the same, "I was too cool for those lame-os" he did in his exit interview

THIRTEEN: Danielle and Courtney bathe each other with the soap they won in the bathroom challenge, and the CBS camera take long, lingering shots of the girl's soapy boobs. Hey, at least it was just in the clip show, ladies. In the Amazon, it was a freaking sub-plot! Courtney wraps up one of the bars of soap and dubs it the girls soap, which annoys mean Shane, so he makes a point of washing his butt with it. No, really.

Coming Up: The MERGE, Baby! We are also promised some sort of medical emergency that has someone being whisked away on a stretcher, AND we're taking a field trip to the Panama Canal! That's not a sarcastic exclamation point, by the way. I really am just that big of nerd.

Peace Out! :D

Christine

Survivor 12.5 "She's probably one of the two or three most annoying people, probably in the history of the world."

BEFORE WE BEGIN

It's time for that annual occurrence: me shamelessly promoting my birthday, which was YESTERDAY! So be sure to wish me a happy birthday, it makes me feel special. It's a semi-big one, I'm 35. According to the Nielsen people, my opinion is suddenly less valuable today then it was the day BEFORE yesterday, when I was still 18-34. Sigh, I guess I'll have to find a way to soldier on. Oh, and I'm very excited about the new sitcom, "The New Adventures of Old Christine." When I was a kid, Christine was one of THE names, I was always Christine S. because there were so many Christines, but it's fallen out of favor, I guess, and the "K" spelling is everywhere, so I'm glad to see that CHRISTINE will now be appearing on TV screens and TV Guides with mighty frequency! Okay, on to the review...

THE WOMAN OF LA MENA

Sally awakens and is thrilled to still be in camp after last night's Tribal Council. She tells them how happy she is to be the last woman standing and Dan gives her a slight smile and a polite nod of his head, which I think is Dan for: "Shut up, Sally, I voted to keep Ruth Marie!" Then Sally and Nick go for a walk and talk about how much they miss Ruth.

POOR PRINCE ARAS

Aras tells everyone that the "game plan" for the day is getting the fire going again, because it's out, because their fire is always going out, which you think would be a big clue to them, to maybe move to higher ground, or keep it covered somehow or, I don't know, assign someone to keep it going at night? I know tribes have done that in the past. But no, their fire is out again, and Bruce is off designing a Zen rock garden and apparently the tribe can't function unless all seven of them are making the stupid fire, so Aras is ticked off while silly Bruce is actually considering that his garden can help "bring out the beauty" in his tribemate's souls. Those are going to have to be some pretty damn magic rocks for that to happen, but hey, his heart's in the right place. As Courtney bemoans the fact that they are following all the proper procedure to build a good fire and can't manage to succeed, Aras nods, "It's because of all the wet wood--gee, too bad we don't have a bunch of dry wood in the bathroom like I suggested." Then he chats with the camera, "Bruce is off making a rock garden. It's just a question of whether it was an appropriate thing to build at the time, and uh, I'm Aras? So, naturally I'm assuming that every one of you agrees with ME that it's NOT." So Bruce comes into camp and Aras tells him the fire situation is dire and Bruce shrugs, "Go get some firewood," and Aras comes UNHINGEd and starts sputtering, "I-I-I am making the fire! That's what I've been doing! I'm working on it! Gah! No one complained when you were off building your rock garden! Gah! Well, except for now when I am, but in my passive aggressive way! Gah!" In one of his "I'm so charming" diary moments, Aras tells us smugly that yes, it was wrong of him to yell at Bruce BUT, "It was just a matter of whether the tribe needed the rock garden or the fire." Oh man, I think my Aras hate has eclipsed my Shane hate. Uh, how 'bout both? How 'bout you do something without Bruce since you're just using him anyway? So, back to "real time," and Aras is giving Bruce a lecture about "priorities," as though Bruce was 8 years old or, gee, I don't know, sleeping all the time like Bobby? Bruce gets offended that Aras is being so dismissive of his Zen garden, and Aras doesn't even get it, he has no understanding whatsoever that the garden is an expression of Bruce's spirituality and being, so he then patronizingly insists that there wasn't any disrespect in what he said and he sort of makes Bruce shake hands while Aras blathers about communication in that slick, salesman way that comes easily to attractive people, "I see where you're coming from, just try to see where I'M coming from, because I'm ARAS, okay? I'm rich and I'm handsome and I'm white and I'm always right about everything." Bruce goes off to find some decent firewood and Aras cluelessly assumes our sympathy when he laments, "I'm the youngest person on the tribe, but all the weight of leadership has gotten me feeling like the oldest--I'd like to go to Exile Island, to tell you the truth!" Well, if the other team's picking, they aren't gonna think you're the leader, dip-wad, so tough cookies.

A LOT OF REWARD AND A LITTLE BAG OF PITY

No one has openly discussed the fact that women are getting kicked out of the game in unprecedented numbers, but when La MENa arrives sans Ruth Marie, Cirie, Danielle and Courtney all have visible, "Are you KIDDING me?" reactions that tell us, yeah, they've noticed. The Reward Challenge involves a relay where the teams throw bags of rice and beans and then big ol' stinky fish to each other until they get to the final table, and then somebody has to chop off the tails and heads of the fish. Winner gets to keep all their fish, the beans, and the rice. The losing team gets to keep either their bag of rice or their bag of beans. So clearly, the producers are trying to get everyone to eat a little something, like when Jeff gave the Bear Monday's some rice in exchange for Colby's Texas flag, remember? Good times. I think we did this particular challenge before, maybe in Thailand? Chaosa gets to sit out tow people and Aras refers to Courtney and Danielle as "the two young girls," as if Cirie is 60 or something. She's only 35! No, I'm not being extra-sensitive! Anyway, as usual, Chaosa wins the challenge by the slimmest of margins, and they get to send someone to Exile Island again and again they choose Terry, "out of respect," to hear Aras tell it, but everyone else on his tribe is looking at the ground, or off into space because they're too ashamed to face Terry. This does help Terry keep his Immunity Idol a secret, though. Maybe he can fashion a fake one while he's out there, and REALLY mess with someone's head. I'm kinda bored with the whole Exile Island thing--it hasn't been as cool as I'd hoped. I'd like them to send one person from each tribe over there for some potential drama and/or bonding, or at least make the tribes choose "one of their own" to go, so we can get some harder feelings going, c'mon! Oh, La MENa opts to take a bag of beans as their consolation prize...

EVEN GOD HATES CHAOSA

Well, to hear them tell it. The gang returns from their triumph, only to find their camp ruined by rain and maybe the tide? I mean, the camp has become a muddy lake, the fires gone, everything's wet and Danielle moans, "C'mon, God." Um, God didn't build the camp that close to the water and then ignore all the signs that have been pointing to this eventuality (the constantly wet fire pit, for example). But fine, Dani, you're not idiots, it's God being a drag. The outhouse is fine, however--Aras was right about how they should've kept some wood in there, because now they have no dry wood, so no way to cook all the fish they've won, so they elect to eat it raw, which seriously grosses out Cirie--and Cirie, I'm feeling ya, which is why I intend to heed your advice and stay on the couch. And Courtney is all, "Like, no way, man, like, you've never had sushi? Like, that is like, so unbelievable to me, I eat it, like, all the time." Courtney has this really pronounced SoCal drone, which is impossible to capture on the page--think Sasha Cohen times a thousand, or call me, and I will be happy to do an impression--I'll make it quick, because it is truly aggravating. Aras claims that eating the raw fish is a bonding experience (as everyone squabbles in the background) while Cirie frets about catching some kind of "sickness." Sadly, no harm comes to any members of Chaosa. Unlike poor La MENa...

BEANS, BEANS THE MAGICAL FRUIT...OW, MY STOMACH

At La MENa, everyone partakes of the beans, and Nick and Austin either overindulge or they just have weaker constitutions than Sally and Dan because they wind up being sick all night. The ever-thoughtful Nick chooses to protect his tribe and us of the gory details, referring to the, "...gastrointestinal details that probably should not be discussed at this time." We'll take your word for it, brother.

UH, WAITER, WE'LL JUST TAKE A BOTTLE OF THE OUTHOUSE WINE

Bobby and Bruce feel that they've ben pushed out of the shelter, so they've gone to the outhouse to sleep and drink the tribe's last bottle of wine. So, they really couldn't store a little firewood in there? I mean, if it's not too nasty to sleep in, why can't they just put some tinder in there? Oh right, they're idiots. Bruce complains about the selfishness of the rest of the tribe, and Bobby adds that he can't pretend to bond with people he doesn't like. He vows, "If we get to the merge, I'm bouncing." Because, duh, if you make it clear to someone that you'll never be part of their final four, what's to stop that person from wanting to at least take you down? Bruce promises Bobby that he'll never vote him out, and Bobby returns the promise.
The next morning, Cirie rousts Bruce from the outhouse. Bruce intends to hide the empty wine bottle (wouldn't throwing it down the, er, outhouse, do it?) but Cirie has already speculated that Bobby and Bruce drank it, and when Courtney asks Bobby about it, he's more than happy to tell her that he "got his drink on," and Bruce helped. Bruce gives Bobby a "I thought you were, cool, man!" head shake, and then goes off to gather some more Zen. Bobby keeps trying to impress upon the others that he and Bruce were pushed out of the shelter, but Courtney tries to bring him around to addressing the empty wine bottle, and Bobby shrugs, "I feel swell about it." I don't think you should ever feel swell about getting your drink on in a port-a-potty, but, to each his own. And Cirie's practically bursting with glee over all this because it gives her an even better chance of not being voted out next by the Psychotic Joke. Courtney continues in vain to get Bobby to admit is was wrong of them to take something that belonged to the whole tribe and then he tells her flat out that he DOES feel bad for drinking everyone else's wine, but no HER wine. Then he tells us, "Courtney had a right to be upset, but I just don't need to hear it. I don't care what she thinks. She's probably one of the two or three most annoying people, probably in the history of the world." Well Bobby, you're no day at Disneyland yourself, and you're no in the power-alliance and FYI, this is exactly the wrong time to draw negative attention towards yourself.

EXILE *SNORE* ISLAND

Terry spends his two days on Exile Island fretting about his tribe, and whether they're hydrating themselves. Can we PLEASE send someone over there who'll freak out or something?

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Dan and Sally go to get the tree mail, and it's these really cool, creepy, Barbie-sized coffins. You know they'll go for a mint on EBay. The poem warns La MENa that they'll have to hold their breath and then use their brains to win Immunity which concerns everyone, since Austin and Nick are so exhausted and blown out from the beans, but what choice do they have but to try? The tribe's spirits are lifted when Terry returns. The challenge has three people taking a glass-bottomed boat out to sea to find a bunch of "skull puzzle pieces" that are in some underwater coffins. So they have to do a lot of diving. Then two different people have to assemble the puzzle. Cirie and Bruce sit out for Chaosa. The La MENa team of Nick, Dan and Terry majorly rules over the Chaosa team of Aras, Dani and Courtney. And it's because they don't have Super Terry! La MENa gets to shore with a huge lead, and even though Sally and Austin struggle enough to give Bobby and Shane a shot at solving their puzzle, Sally and Austin prevail, and place the "golden skull" on top first. What's with all the macabre imagery anyway? Zombies, skulls, coffins--and what's up with the way Jeff says "skull"? It's practically "skll", there's like almost no vowel sound, the way he says it. Anyway, Sally wins immunity.

THE REASON CHAOSA IS A FITTING FAKE TRIBE NAME

Chaos at Chaosa--who'd a thunk it? Oooh, and an awesome school? herd? of stingrays! Okay, so the gang returns from the challenge and Shane decrees to Aras, Cirie, Dani and Courtney, "Bobby. No other discussion, okay?" The girls are all fine with this, but Aras claims to want Bobby around for challenges--we all know he really can't stand the fact that Bruce doesn't respect his pretend authority. Aras argues that "We can NOT control Bruce!" And Aras actually think he CAN control Bobby? Bobby who's ready to bounce? That Bobby? Anyway, Shane gets all wimpy, probably because Aras is using his mind control again, and shrugs, "This is stupid but...I...can't...argue...with...Aras. Aras is...our...leader." So he capitulates to Aras's will, even though he's always felt that Bobby can't be allowed to make the merge because he'll join up with Nick and Austin. NEWSFLASH: He and Bruce and probably Cirie will join up with ANYONE against you because you've stupidly told them all about your alliance and their order in your scheme! WHY would they choose to help you in ANY way? Sigh, so anyway, Aras decrees that Bruce is going and then he pulls the, "No further discussion, it's Bruce deal, and he's confident he's getting his way and that Bobby won't flip sides. Because he's an idiot. And Shane is being all scapegoaty, "I don't care, whatever you guys want, so long as I get to rub your nose in it later when it goes bad." Then Courtney ticks him off by asking a very harmless question and he jumps down her throat, "What are you BABBLING about!? RAH! I'm SHANE! I need a cigarette so I get to treat everyone like crap! RAH!" Cirie is thrilled with either decision because she was told she was going home after Melinda, so she ain't gonna rock any boat that's taking someone ELSE out of the game, and that's exactly how you're supposed to play this game. Let them kill each other.

So, Shane of course can't leave well enough alone, he has to seek Bobby out and tell him that the vote was going against him, but now Bruce is going, and Bobby lies to Shane and tells him he has no intentions of switching sides at the merge. Shane needs to be certain of this so he insists that Bobby swear on his kid. Oh no, not BOBBY'S kid, Bobby doesn't have a kid. See, Shane is so full of himself he actually thinks that he can bind people to some sort of unbreakable oath by having them swear on HIS kid, Boston. "Uh, sure, I'll swear on some kid who I'll never meet and who means nothing to me, no problem," Bobby smiles, and then Shane promises--PROMISES mind you, to "take" Bobby to 6th place. In other words, Shane is offering as some sort of prize, to be voted out before Cirie, and the Psychotic Joke but NOT before any of the OTHER tribe. Gee thanks--note that if La MENa merge with only four people, Bobby would automatically improve his position in the game by switching places. But here's Shane, actually posturing like he's being some sort of help to Bobby. He's insufferable, really.
Elsewhere, Bruce is very far from Zen when he finds Courtney befouling his rock garden with her yoga. "I'd rather be on Exile Island than be around Courtney," he complains. Touch luck, Bruce, you ain't going. I don't want anyone going to Exile Island who can handle it, you hear me? Little does he know, Courtney is about to become part of a plan to save his butt. She, Danielle and Cirie all agree that they trust Bruce and they don't trust Bobby, and they don't like the way Aras is trying to manipulate the game in his favor. SO they call Shane over and tell him what they think (not the Aras part) and Shane tells them he can't vote for Bobby now because he swore on his kid that he wouldn't (Cirie's eye-rolling here speaks for a nation). Then he gets frustrated and belligerent and he turns all of it on Courtney, who asks him not to yell and he mocks her as he insists that they're just talking--see, Shane is always a raying ass, so he thinks it shouldn't be upsetting when he yells at people. The rationalization of a bully. Shane's ticked that no one spoke up to ice Bobby when he'd brought it up earlier, and the girls all play to his ego, "You were RIGHT all along, that's what we're saying, oh wise Shane!" Cirie sort of calls him on his drama, because she sees that he wants Bobby gone the same as they do, "And now YOU'VE been talked to and changed your mind." It's not just the women who're flip-flopping, in other words, Aras changed Shane's mind rather quickly. Of course Shane has to make this a "female" issue, lamenting to the camera, "They're like, WOMEN." Hey Shane, you're the one who keeps entering into hasty, unbreakable bonds on the life of your kid with people you find out you hate, so here's an idea: stop being so impulsive and think things thru for a change--you can even do it on your widdle magic thinking seat!

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Shane refers to the tribe as "the dysfunctional functional tribe," because they work so well at challenges despite how tense things are at camp. My guess is SHane uses the phrase "dysfunctional functional" to describe all of his relationships, and everyone else who's in a relationship with him would leave off the functional. One gets the impression that Shane has had some (court ordered?) therapy before--enough to pick up some catch-phrases, but you can't CHANGE SHANE, man! Then the whole outhouse-drinking incident comes up, and Bobby is very unrepentant, giving one of those meaningless, "I don't apologize for what I did, but for any bad feelings you may have as a result of the thing I had every right to do, even if it hurt you" apologies. Jeff is almost incredulous, pointing out to Bobby that ticking off the whole tribe is a really stupid thing to do right now, and Bobby seems to not be concerned, "I gave them plenty of ammunition," he admits, perhaps confident that the vote is going against Bruce tonight. Cirie chimes in, telling Bobby that drinking the wine WAS really dumb, and a HUGE mistake because the whole tribe fought hard to get it. I'm always a little hesitant to discuss race in any "serious" way, but I will just mention that Cirie's unconflicted move against Bobby, to further her place in the game, is in direct contrast to what we were told in the Marquesas by Sean, Vecepia and Judge Pappy, that "black people always stick together." No, Vecepia and Sean stuck together, but Cirie and Bobby didn't. Different people and situations = different results.

Well, all of this is annoying Prince Aras, who jumps in to "defend Bobby", or in other words, attack Bruce. He praises Bobby for admitting what happened, "To his credit, Bob said "Yo, I did this." For the record, Bobby never said, "Yo," but then, who am I to talk, I make up dialogue for people all the time. Aras goes on to say Bruce did the same as Bob did, he knew there were three other people who wanted the wine and he drank it anyway and he never apologized for it. I don't know who Aras left out here--there are 7 people in the tribe, that leaves 5 people who were robbed of the group's wine. According to his bio, Aras doesn't drink, but the other four do (they have stuff listen under "favorite alcoholic beverage") so either Aras is really bad at math or maybe someone drinks alcohol but not wine. Anyway, Bruce says he didn't know anyone was all that upset, no one said anything to him about it, and Aras gets all up in his grill, "The onus isn't on THEM to come to you to say they're mad! You drank the wine and you knew it was wrong!" Sigh. Really, was anyone all that mad, except Courtney? These people are all so passive-aggressive, even aggressive-aggressive Shane, with his, "Okay, I'll do whatever YOU say," bit earlier. Bruce says there was so much to do in camp that the wine was the last thing on his mind, and Aras shoots Jeff a 'Do you SEE what I have to deal with?" look, but Jeff wants to hear how BUCe is feeling, wondering if the former MVP is feeling unappreciated. Bruce is all over that question, complaining that he's never been second-guessed on advice that he's been ASKED for in a full year of teaching hundreds of students and Aras yells, "We're NOT your PUPILS, Bruce! I'm Aras! I am a natural-born leader and I don't need you telling me--" What's this? Danielle actually steps in and cuts Aras off, telling Aras that Bruce is an older man, with more wisdom and experience and he's not always getting the respect he deserves. So, uh, Danielle's stock just went up like, a million. And it's not like I'm Bruce's biggest fan--I do think he's clueless about how braggy he gets about said wisdom and experience, but he certainly doesn't deserve being bossed about by the likes of Aras. Bruce apologizes to the tribe for drinking the wine and he vows not to let anything fester--if something bothers him, he's gonna voice it right away, which hopefully will lead to good television in the future. We go to the vote, and MAN, is it interesting. Bruce votes for Courtney, the girls all vote for Bobby, Aras and Bobby (so much for the drunken outhouse-swear) vote for Bruce and Shane says, "This is a throwaway vote, I want this vote to go away," as he casts his vote for ARAS. The result is, his vote DOES go away, he doesn't help vote out Bobby directly, but he doesn't save him either and away he goes. So it's official, the first person to break a swear on Shane's kid's life is Shane. I get what he did--he voted for someone he figured wouldn't get any other votes, so that it wouldn't really matter but his choice of Aras is FASCINATING. Because he so easily could have voted for Courtney, who he has friction with, or HELLO, Cirie, who isn't in his alleged alliance and whom he TOLD he was voting for after Melinda, back when Melinda was still around! Instead of doing that though, he takes a swipe at his co-dictator, because Aras bruised his ego by over-riding his decision to gun for Bobby in the first place. And it begs the question--has Shane's breaking the Boston Swear made all other Boston Swears null and void? Favorite part about the vote though: the hacked-off look of Aras's face when he realized his orders were not carried out. Priceless :D . As the tribe departs, Jeff utters some nonsense about how they were in disarray before tonight, but maybe the honesty they've shown tonight will bring them closer together, and Shane gives a great, "Say WHAT!?" look. Shane kinda looks like Tommy Lee, but I also think he looks like Christopher Lloyd, you know, from "Taxi" and "Back to the Future"? He always seems kinda bug-eyed and surprised and...stoned. Bobby has no kind words for his tribe, saying he could've played the game better had he been able to stomach "a lot of these jokers." He insults the Psychotic Joke, saying they were bonded together out of "weakness," and then he calls Courtney, Danielle and Aras, "spineless little twerps." Ah, thanks Bobby. Last week I said I was unclear about what show I was watching, that's right this IS Survivor!
Bobby is booted in 12th place joining Bible-thumping Dirk, whose morality offended jailbird Hatch in season one. In the Outback, Kimmi tried to make her hungry tribe feel guilty about eating meat and got a famous finger waved in her face. In Africa, pompous Silas was brought down in the game's first-ever tribemate switcheroo and in the Marquesas, Gabe's refusal to play the game made his alliance uneasy so he got the axe. In Thailand, you don't remember dull Stephenie the firefighter, but this was when she exited the game. In the Amazon, tough New Yawker Jeanne ran out of luck, and in the Pearl Islands, the unmemorable Michelle went home as Rupert tried to rid the islands of Burton's pals. In Vanuatu, Lisa got the heave-ho from evil Ami when Ami chose to misinterpret an innocent comment by Lisa as some sort of plot. In Palau, James-Who-Should've-Been-Jim Bob was YET another member of the losingest tribe in Survivor history who was sent packing and last season, this is where we bid a fond farewell to Smart Brian, who plotted and played as hard as he could, but a tribe shake-up had left him on the wrong end of the numbers game.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT
Bobby likes comic books, fantasy baseball, the TV show "The Tick," and among his favorite games: Risk, and Magic: The Gathering. Yes friends, don't let those massive, tattooed guns fool ya: Bobby is a big ol' nerd.

Next: Well, the previews touting the girls' dumping Shane are too good to be true, right? I think it's Bruce and Sally still on the block, most likely. Though the previews do allude to something shaking up the game (a switch?) so who knows. I do know I'm loving this season so far, American Idol is ROCKING and The Amazing Race is back on track, so rejoice, reality fans! :)

Peace! :D
Christine

Survivor 12.4 "Apparantly, I got some Jesus of Nazareth-like powers myself."

LIFE AT LA MENA

Yeah, I can't belive it took me this long to change "La Mina" into La MENa either. THings are rough--everyone's hungry. Sally feels doomed after Misty's shocking-only-to-her ouster of Misty last night, so she's trying to be as helpful around camp as she can be. It seems like a mute gesture though, as Dan offers a grateful Ruth Marie the fifth-place spot in the guy's alliance. Dan is certain this is the only way to go, because Sally feels like an outsider, and will drop the guys "like a stone" once the tribes merge. And why shouldn't she, if 5th place is as far as they're willing to let her go? These are two very different tribes, but both have shown why it's so hard to be "honest." Because if you're 100% honest in the game and reveal your alliances, then you give the rest of the group reason and time to plot against you.

DRAMA AT CHAOSA

I just have to give the tribes fake names--it's a crutch. Bruce, Aras and Shane come back after collecting snails and see Courtney has been doing yoga instead of tending the fire, which is out. Danielle and Bobby are asleep in the shelter, as Cirie comes into camp with an armful of firewood. Aras asks why their isn't water boiling on the fire and Courtney shrugs, "Like, we were like sort of out of like, fire when I got here. Like, how's the fish?" The hunters are rankled and Aras rousts the sleepers and calls a tribe meeting he titles "Work Effort at Camp." It doesn't go over very well. Courtney's all, "Like, that like, KILLS me, I'm like, working all the time!" Then he wonders if she would go to sleep with no fire at camp if he, Bruce and Shane were all voted off the island and Courtney shrugs, "Like, I think that whole question is like kinda stupid." Which it is and though I understand Aras's frustration, to her credit, Courtney DID get the fire re-started while this snipe session was taking place, so where's the harm? It's not like there's an expiration date on that bag of snails. Aras then complains to us about how Courtney drives him nuts and he regrets giving his word to her so early in the game. Yep, that was kinda stupid, wasn't it? Aras claims he'd throw a challenge just to get rid of her. I'll believe it when I see it. Enjoying all of this is the designated-next-to-go Cirie, who knows that the discord in the alliance can only work to her benefit so she's employing the solid strategy of working hard and staying out of the drama. I think the jury's still out on whether it'll work though, because Shane and Aras seem hung up on "their words." C'mon people, it's Survivor!

REWARD AND REVENGE

When the tribes gather at the Reward Beach, Courtney seems to smile at Misty's ouster which is interesting--who knew there was tension there? Today, the teams are playing for a Deluxe Survivor Bathroom, complete with a toilet seat, a camp shower, 5 gallons of fresh water, a loofa, some soap and a whole lot of Charmin toilet paper to "take the edge off," as Jeff so colorfully puts it *shudder*. Wiping with leaves: reason 18 I will never go on Survivor. The contest is another closely contested one: one member swims out to sea and unhooks a giant puzzle piece (oh, how they love their puzzle pieces) which they then have to drag into this ring. Once the piece is in the ring, they hang out while the next person dives in and so on, until all the pieces are in the ring. Once the pieces are all in the ring, they can start solving the puzzle. Once again, it's neck and neck all the way and Chaosa wins by the skin of their teeth. That means they get to send one of La MENa over to Exile Island and naturally they choose the group's undisputed leader, Terry.

LOSERS AND LOSERS

When everyone gets back to La MENa, Dan announces to everyone, "When Terry comes back, he's gonna be PROUD of the way this camp looks." Uh...okay. I mean, I love Terry too, and I get he rules, but sometimes Dan and Austin get a little...weird and creepy with the admiration. Anyway, without Terry there to tell everyone what they should be doing, they immediately start running off in separate directions, with Ruth Marie advocating eating first, Nick wanting them to get firewood and Austin wanting to take a nap. Austin then laments being without Terry to boss him around. It's really quite pathetic, no wonder these guys keep losing...

At Chaosa, of course, even winning has to spark some sort of drama, and it quickly does. The gang arrives to find that the Survivor PA's have erected an old-time outhouse dubbed "Casa de Charmin" and Danielle informs us they also got "foh bahs a' sohp." Aras immediately suggests they use the outhouse to store things they need to keep dry, like firewood towels and clothes, but Bobby is determined to break in the toilet part of the equation because he needs to "drop a deuce," as in "go number two" as in "ewww, too much information." Danielle gripes, "He's not a gentleman, I can't stand people like that." Then Bobby comes out and declares that he feels "10 pounds lighter," which, I'm sorry to go there, but it begs the question, what the hell has Bobby been eating, mega snails? Of course, no one actually confronts Bobby about this--it's not lost on any of us that Shane and Aras seem to love criticizing and berating the women in their tribe, but leave the big, black guy alone, even though he's clearly at least as much of a camp-life liability as Courtney and Danielle are. So instead of calling Bobby on his illegal dumping (and really...couldn't they still store wood in there? I mean, how dainty are they?) Aras reminds everyone they've won two challenges in a row and then SHane exults in the fact that Terry will be returned to his tribe in a weakened state do his time in Exile, "Terry's in hell," he chuckles.

TERRY'S NOT SO DIFFICULT TIME IN EXILE

Terry climbs atop the giant skull and gets all the clues about where to find the Immunity Idol--it's buried under a rock above the tide line and he must ask himself "why" fate chose him to be on the Island. Terry deduces that a "Y" shaped tree may be the site under which the Idol is buried. And, ahem, you may recall I came to that very same conclusion myself just last week, not to brag or anything. Oh okay, I'm totally bragging--I mean, the rocket scientist didn't figure it out nor did Bruce 'I'm an expert in everything except apparently riddles." But I did! Anyway, Terry starts using his machete to dig for the idol as the most kick-ass owl in the history of owls rolls his head as if to say, "Oh no he di-n't just find the Immunity Idol! HooT!" And he does! Of course it's a shrunken head, and Terry reads the information that it can be used up to and thru the Final Four with some surprise--I think they were told it wasn't good after the Final Four--maybe the owner has that little extra info as an advantage, or maybe bother Terry and I misheard but either way, it's cool that Terry has the Idol, thanks Shane! I'm curious and excited about all the questions this raises. First of all, now that the Idol has been found, will this information be shared with the next inhabitants? Will they then know Terry's secret? Or will the show deceive them into trying to still look for it. It'd be pretty easy to give them crap clues--only Bruce knows what the clues originally looked like. Hmmm. The best part of all this, and I hope this actually happens, is, since Terry can use the Idol after the vote, he can turn the tables on those who are against him, because the second-highest vote-getter goes out in his place. Meaning, if the tribes merge evenly or even if La MENa merge at a numbers disadvantage, La MENa would benefit from the VERY likely scenario of Chaosa targeting Terry. Then he produces the Idol and the person who goes home winds up being whomever La MENa has voted for. It is most intriguing and I hope they didn't just show Terry finding it because it doesn't play out in an interesting way...

DANIELLE, PLEASE DON'T MAKE US AGREE WITH SHANE

No, really don't do it, don't...ah crap. So, the fire at Chaosa keeps going out because the fire pit is in such a damp spot, so Aras and Shane decree that it should be moved closer to the shelter,, and they pick the spot. Aras and Shane then start to gather rocks and whatnot for the fire pit while Cirie starts digging a new hole. Aras complains to us that the only way anything gets done at camp is by him and Shane bossing everyone around--Cirie works hard, but that's about it (I presume he's not complaining about Bruce either). So, as Cirie digs, Danielle just literally stands there watching so Shane strolls up and wonders, "So Danielle, Shane wants to know why you have such an aversion to working," and Danielle gets defensive and claims that she works all the time and Shane claims that everybody thinks she's lazy but he's the only one brave or bad-ass or real or whatever to say it to her face. Danielle then points out that Bobby sleeps all day *cut to: Bobby sleeping* and Shane is all, "We're not talking about Bobby, he's a big black dude that could kick Shane's ass! We're talking about you, missy!" Danielle sneers, "If ya gonna be a [bleep] about it, whatevuh." Quite the snappy comeback. Aras then chimes in telling Danielle that he agrees with Shane, and Dani starts listing all the chores she routinely does and then accuses of Shane of doing more bossing then actual work and then he gets indignant and asks Cirie for her opinion, and she later regrets saying that Dani does stuff, but not as much as others, which sounded pretty fair to me, Cirie. Cirie then calls the Aras/Shane/Danielle/Courtney alliance "some kind of psychotic joke," a name which I think will probably stick, and laughs with glee at the seemingly crumbling alliance. Danielle digs a couple shovels of sand and then stomps off.

I'D RATHER BE SPEAR FISHING

Meanwhile, snail stew ain't cuttin' it at the weary Terryless La MENa tribe. a group of fish jumps out of the water to taunt Nick as he once again fails to catch fish using that spool-thing. AUstin wonders how fishing can be SO hard and Nick sighs, 'We really suck at fishing." The fire also keeps dying and there's no "Super Terry" to magically keep it going (Yes, Austin literally calls him Super Terry) and then to top it all off, it starts dumping rain on them. The overall weakened state of the tribe particularly alarms Sally, "I we lose again it's my butt on line--I'm the one who's gonna go home!" And if you hadn't lost the spear, they'd all be eating better and have more energy, Sally.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Terry makes his triumphant return, looking no worse for wear and chipper and referring to his Exile as "peaceful." The challenge itself is kinda complicated: One person (Danielle and Ruth Marie) sits on a chair attached to a water bucket pulley system thing. That bucket is filled by another person (Cirie and Nick) who gets their bucket of water sent up to them by two pairs of people (Austin and Sally/Dan and Terry vs. Shane and Courtney, Bruce and Aras) who have to walk across a series of balance beams carrying buckets of water to get them to their team. Once the seat-bucket is filled, the chair will raise and the person on the chair grabs this ring that releases a flag. Complicated, I know, and yet again, it's super close though it does seem to hinge on a blunder by Austin, who blows a slight lead going in by pouring his tribe's water sloooooowly and carefully while Shane and Courtney just toss theirs in as quick as possible, and in the end, Chaosa wins yet again (Shane and Courtney even share an enthusiastic hug). I can't remember when so many challenges were this close, it's amazing, and yet La MENa is looking at a three challenge losing streak and yet another eviction. Oh, and the well-rested Bobby sat out the challenge and you know, you can't sit out the same person in back-to-back challenges even though I SWEAR they did in the Amazon.

LOYALTY: SURVIVOR STYLE

I was bummed when La MENa lost, because I pretty much like everyone on La MENa, although the only person at Chaosa who I like is Cirie, who's marked for death so it's kinda lose-lose for now. Also, it seemed so obvious that Sally was gonna go, I thought it would be a pretty boring lead-up to Tribal Council. Boy, was I wrong! First of all, everyone gushes about Terry's return, and they all take comfort in his competent bossing. They ask him about his search for the Idol, but no one comes out and asks him if he found it--which is an unspoken, but natural kind of Survivor etiquette: I think everyone knows if THEY found it, they'd want to keep it a secret, so they're setting a precedent. Austin feels Sally's ouster is inevitable, and he's not happy about it. Sally goes to the guys and tells them she knows there's an alliance, she respects them, but she needs them to know she's got "game" left in her. She leaves, and Austin begins to lobby Terry to keep Sally instead of Ruth Marie. Austin feels that Sally is a more valuable competitor at challenges, and they can't afford to lose another Immunity. At one point, Ruth Marie overhears them talking and they change the subject to make it seem like they're talking about the game in general, 'Shane Dawg's a better athlete than I would have thought," etc. The other tribe referred to Bobby as Bob Dawg earlier today--I think that's the scariest thing about the potentially all-male Survivor we have looming before us: A whole lot of stupid nicknames, bro. So, Austin and Terry rather conveniently agree that since Dan was the only one who shook hands with Ruth Marie, he's the only one that actually promised her anything, so they can now throw her over for Sally without actually "betraying" her. Austin is surprised at how quickly Terry goes for his idea, "I thought it would take a 'water into wine' type of miracle to pull Terry into taking Sally as our 5th. Apparently, I got some Jesus of Nazareth-like powers myself." Yeah. He really said that. I...hope he was being facetious, but...I'm kinda not sure.

Dan is of course profoundly disappointed in this development, and in Terry, who loses a bit of his Super Terry luster as he shrugs, "Your word is your bond, I get that, but we didn't promise Ruth anything--you did." "I just can't believe how quickly it falls apart," Dan says sadly. Dan insists this is a HUGE mistake, that Sally will jump ship as soon as she can. Austin argues that Sally wants to be a part of the game so bad that she WILL be loyal, but Dan thinks that Sally would easily be able to say that betrayal is a part of the game, whereas Ruth would "fall on her sword before she goes back on her word." Which is kind of a compliment, but kind of not. It sounds great, and Dan certainly means it as high praise, but it's very self-serving. He sees Ruth Marie as a "team player," who would sacrifice her shot at the million dollars to keep her word--and thus further the men's chance at the million dollars which they have flat-out said she has no chance at with them. They are the Final Four, and Ruth and Sally should be "moral" enough to keep their word and be happy with 5th place, only moving further in the event of winning Immunity. It's a very one-sided deal. Nick, who is so good-looking I keep being surprised at how decent a guy he seems to be, isn't happy with the choice made by Terry and Austin, and he derides the "easy, hollow rationalization" about Dan and only Dan's handshake. "Ruth Marie is a part of the five of us, and I don't want to turn against that," he sighs--Nick is decent, but kind of wishy-washy. You KNOW he's gonna do whatever Terry and Austin say. As they head to Tribal, Sally rolls her eyes at her predicament: waiting for the big, strong men, to decide her and Ruth's fate, while Ruth is cautiously optimistic, since she DOES have that promise from Dan...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Terry calls Exile Island a unique experience he doesn't want to have again. I wish the experience was more telegenic, because I don't think they've captured how it's harder than normal tribe-life. Maybe it's because Bruce and Terry are such tough cookie's though--we really want to see someone like Shane over there and have a meltdown, and that was never gonna happen with Top Gun and Mr. Miyagi. Austin once again expresses his deep appreciation for Terry's natural leadership, and then Jeff inserts himself into the dynamic a bit, praising Sally for her "superior" game play during the challenge today. I have no complaints about Sally's performance, but since she was tethered to Austin the whole time, I don't see how she could possibly be seen as "superior" to anyone. She makes her case by stating, "My best days out here are when we compete." To his credit (though the Jesus thing is still freaking me out a bit) Austin admits he screwed up at the challenge when he poured his water too slowly and lost the teams tiny lead. Ruth Marie acknowledges that she's small and "twice as old" as Sally. If she's voted out, she says she may not be missed tomorrow, but "I'm steady, steady, steady and I get better as I go along. And I'm LOYAL. That may show up later." Dan nods in agreement, but he's the only one. Ruth Marie goes out 4-2, with Dan sticking to his word and Nick going which way the wind blows. In her exit, Ruth has no hard feelings, she knows it's a game, and she wishes her team well. That's two classy exits in a row--I'm beginning to forget what show I'm watching...

Ruth Marie is voted out in 13th place. She joins Ramona, who got sick and was betrayed by Poor Jenna, her first, and possibly last, white friend. In the Outback, Sickly skinny Mitch was booted in a pivotal power struggle that saved Keith, weakened Jerri and paved the way for Colby and Tina to go all the way to the end. In Africa, Linda was yet another victim of the young slacker necklace gang, but not before she uttered one of our all-time favorite Survivor lines: "Did your momma nevuh hug ya?" In the Marquesas, a tribe shake-up led to stacked Sarah's ouster, to Chachi's chagrin and in Thailand, loud Ghandia, the Denver Diva was sent packing--after we had to endure all that unpleasantness about the ,er, "grinding." In the Amazon, we lost Joanna--you remember, the woman who thought possessing the Immunity Idol violated the Ten Commandments? In the Pearl Islands, the good people got rid of arrogant bully Burton, but sadly, he'd be allowed back in the game in the WORST TWIST EVER. In Vanuatu, good ol' Bubba fell victim to the Ami's all-female agenda and in Palau, the much tattooed Angie was booted as Steph's tribe continued it's historic losing streak. Last season, Nurse Margaret was let go after a shake-up gave Judd the power to get rid of her (and yell at her a lot as he did so).

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT
A one-time narcotics officer, Ruth Marie was also crowned Miss South Carolina Watermelon Queen in 1978. Ya gotta love it!

Next Up: If there's no shake-up (and my money's on us having at least one more), Sally is obviously doomed at La MENa. At Chaosa, It seems like Courtney's days are numbered, but if the boys stick to their word, I still see Cirie going--until the game becomes individual, they want to use Bobby's brute strength at challenges and Bruce's hard work around camp. I'm rather curious about what an all-male Survivor would be like, and so far, we're on pace for it. If it's gonna happen, it may as well happened this season, where Cirie is the only woman I'm really pulling for. The decision on both tribes to make early and obvious alliances might give their team merging WITHOUT numbers a huge advantage--you potentially have Bruce, Bobby, Cirie and Sally willing and perhaps even EAGER to flip sides at the Merge--that is, if any of them make it that far...

Peace Out! :D

Christine