Survivor 13.2 "I'm making a concerted effort not to shoot down all her ideas."

BEFORE WE BEGIN

Have you all heard that new Scissors Sisters song, that sounds like a lost Bee Gees track? If you exclaimed with surprised joy, "Lost Bee Gees track!?" you should really check it out. On the Amazing Race front, I don't care how brave I'm supposed to think one-footed Sarah is, she annoys me--and the dancing for money thing? Ick. Worse is her man Peter, who's controlling and weird (what kind of a straight guy calls his girlfriend "sister" all the time?) Boo Hiss, Sarah and Peter. And Peter, girls cry sometimes. Deal.

HUNTING, GATHERING, AND LAYING AROUND DOING NOTHING

At Hiki, Nathan, Stephannie, Rebecca and Sundra struggle to make fire on a windy day with their newly acquired flint. No one seems the least bit broken up about being without Sekou. Sundra still feels pressured to "represent" for all black people. Sundra, don't. Because then I'll have to start looking at dumb, lazy Adam (more on that later) as somehow representative of me by virtue of my race, and I don't want to do that. Finally, the spark catches and Hiki has fire. Nathan crows, "I knew the girls were gonna step up and be tough sisters!" Hiki bonding ensues.

At iTunes, almost everyone bonds over their massive fishing haul, as they bring home buckets of fish, crabs and clams. I say almost everyone because Billy looks sullen and depressed while JP praises the tribe's teamwork. LA cop Cristina relates to the others how she was shot in the line of duty and almost had to have her arm amputated. She wears the bullet that wounded her around her neck--yeah, she's pretty bad-ass. Everyone seems impressed with her story except for Ozzy, who we later learn doesn't really like cops. Probably because he's a shifty little bastard (more on that later). The seafood feast isn't enough for iTunes, who decide to try and capture some wild chickens. Ozzy and Cristina clash over the best way to do this, and Ozzy sniffs to the camera, "I'm making a concerted effort not to shoot down all her ideas." How thoughtful. Cristina chafes at Ozzy's insistence that everything be done exactly his way, though she admits he's usually right. When his chicken trap works, he boasts that his abundant knowledge of all things camping will keep from being booted out of the game--yes, he has probably never watched this show.
Later, a crab does a little across the screen. JP and Ozzy bring in more fish, while Billy snores in the background. Billy insists, "It's stupid to waste energy doing stuff you don't know anything about." Uh, Billy? It's called LEARNING. Look into it. He's content to eat all the food the others have worked so hard to get, without helping if he can help it. Always a successful strategy when trying to make allies. Ozzy complains, "I get tired of having to tell him what to do before I tell him he's doing it wrong. I much prefer when people do something around camp, of their own initiative, before I step in and tell them they're doing it wrong." The girls take pity on Billy and try to make him feel more included. Billy laments that he's not so much Latino as he is Metal! He's making no effort to fit in though, which is a really bad idea in a game of social politics. That night, Ozzy brings up the idea of losing the next challenge on purpose, in order to send Billy home. JP, who's gorgeous but mean, grins wickedly at the idea. The girls don't like it at all. Cecelia thinks it will make them look bad. Ozzy lamely insists it will make them a stronger tribe, which is ridiculous, especially since they might be divided into new teams soon anyway. Cristina doesn't trust Ozzy. Word.

At Puka, suburb-boy Yul (who grew up in my hometown of Concord, but went to snooty Northgate High, so I'm torn about rooting for him) is able to catch TWO chickens with a simple box trap. He and Becky make a to-the-end pact, based on mutual respect (and Korean-ness). She thinks of him as an older brothers, while he's impressed with her non-profit lawyering. Cao Boi pulls a bad wind out of Jenny, who's disappointed to learn she has a red mark like Brad had, but she's thrilled not to have a headache anymore. That night, Cao Boi runs afoul of his tribe once again when he tries to tell a racial joke, "What do you call a Vietnamese with three dogs?" The others shout him down and we never learn the punchline, which is probably just as well. Cao Boi is delighted to rile up his team, but quiet Yul is neither amused nor impressed.

At Raro, Jonathan is welcomed back from exile with joy and celebration. Parvati calls him "papa bear," which is interesting, because his voice sounds like that of a cartoon bear. He did not find the idol. Sigh. Okay, remember how last week I was down on Jonathan for being smarmy and Jessica for being dumb? Sigh. Well, now, Jessica and Jonathan are like, the only people at Raro who DO anything, so I have to root for them. Jonathan is displayed to discover that the kids have not built any kind of floor for the shelter in his absence. He tries to rally the troops into doing so now, and Adam whines, "We need to eat first, dude." Jonathan and Jessica do all the work, while Parvati and Candace pick sand or bugs or something out of one another's eyes and hair, like cheerleader monkeys. When Jessica tries to get Adam to help build the floor, he scoffs, "I think it's dumb." No, honey, that's you. Jessica points out that they haven't been able to sleep well because they've had to sleep on wet sand and Adam shrugs, "So how would sleeping above the ground change that, huh? Answer me THAT, professor floor person!" Jessica frowns, "Um...we won't be on the wet ground...anymore?" Adam then tries to enlist his partners in slack, Parvati and Candace, into being on his side, "Do you want to sleep on, like, a stupid platform?" Jessica begins, "I thought it sounded nice--" "Uh, I was talking to the hot girls, Jessica," Adam barks. Candace and Parvati take a long time to speak up, aware that Adam is dumb and wrong, but also aware that he's like, totally cute and stuff. Parvati mumbles, "I think the bamboo would be more comfortable...and they've already started it and everything." Adam sighs, "I just don't want to waste energy on a stupid platform that serves no purpose except to look all fancy and raised." America sighs in frustration at Adam's Kelsoesque dumbness. Jonathan gripes to the camera about Adam's selfishness and crabbiness, and Candice warns her snugglebuddy not to make Jonathan the enemy, "or it'll be rough."

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Tree mail arrives. Hiki does they've gotta stand and deliver, because they can't go down to three members. At iTunes, Ozzy and Cristina butt heads over Ozzy's plan to throw the challenge and oust Billy. JP brings up the rather valid point that Billy is off being a misunderstood loner instead of reading the tree mail with them, so his mind is made up. It's never a good idea to throw a challenge. You can sacrifice Billy after there's a shuffle or a merge, but RIGHT NOW, it's better to have one of the other teams have to vote out one of their own, it just IS. The only time I can think of it being a good idea is like in Africa, when the tribes had shuffled but hadn't blended, so Ethan and company three the challenge so they could get rid of Silas, the Idiot King.

THe tribes gather at the Challenge Beach, where JP seems unusually excited to see that Sekou was booted by Hiki. Don't know what that's about. The challenge is an elaborate obstacle course, of course, in which the teams must listen to Jeff tell story, then race to untie a bunch of plaques with answers on them, cross a rope bridge, then put the plaques next to the correct corresponding questions and jump on a mat. Besides Immunity, the team that finishes first will get some tarps. Each team but Hiki has to sit out a member. Billy insists he should sit out, "I'm terrible at EVERYTHING except Metal!" he moans. Cristina wants out because she wants to wash her hands of the rook-job she knows is about to take place. JP gets HIS way, and demands to sit out. Because it's not a super-physical challenge, it kinda makes sense to sit out a strong guy like JP anyway. Raro sits out Dumb Adam, also smart because Adam's dumb, and there's information retention involved, while Jenny takes the bench for Puka. Jeff reads them a story about Captain Cook's voyages. Then he tells the teams, "the information I just gave you is contained in this book, which you can look over if you feel the need to waste time and throw the challenge." "Yes!" JP and Ozzy exclaim. When iTunes is the only team to go over the material, Jeff declares it, "A huge strategy move." You don't know the half of it, Jeff. They take their sweet time at everything, while Puka is declared the winner in an extremely close finish, over a disgruntled Raro team. "iTunes is having a holiday," Jeff taunts, as evil Ozzy grins and shakes the rope bridge so that Billy falls off. Hiki exalts in their immunity, Then Jeff declares Raro a co-winner of tarps, after the matter goes to a booth review. iTunes then gets to send someone into exile, and tribe pariah Billy somehow lands the spokesman gig--maybe to shift blame on the doomed guy? They choos to send the strongest tribe's strongest member, Puka's Yul, to the lonely isle. Then something very boring, yet hugely important happens. Pay attention, this is exactly what really happens: Candice leans over to Billy and throws some sympathy his way, "I feel really bad for you guys." Billy replies, "I'm next." Candice says, "We love you," and Billy smiles, "I love you." So clearly, Candice is just being nice to the losers, no big deal, right? Well, it depends on how crazy you are. More on that later...

EXILE ISLAND

Yul arrives at Exile Island, and goes about reading his clue. Unlike Jonathan, he decides to read the entire clue, and pay attention to that whole part about the southern island disappearing. He comes up with several possible places where the Idol might be and starts digging, and eventually, Yul gets it. I like Yul so far, so it's not upsetting...yet, but I don't think I hated Terry when he got it either, that came later. I guess the problem I'm seeing with the whole thing is, the people that get sent to Exile Island are usually stronger players, and then they get the Idol and become stronger. Hopefully Yul will at least be able to keep it a secret so we can have one of those stunning, the second-highest vote-getter gets a surprise ouster situations that we were all looking forward to last season. And I hate Ozzy, and I know Yul is too moral to have any use for him, so if I'm stuck with Ozzy long term, maybe Yul can bring him down. Yes, that's thinking waaaaay too far ahead, but it comforts me.

OZZFEST OF TREACHERY

Not content to just be mean and treacherous, Ozzy and JP also have to gloat in the fact that had they NOT cheated to lose, they TOTALLY would of won, dude. UGH. Cristina concurs with my feelings of UGH! and worries about selfish and controlling Ozzy remaining in power. Doomed Billy sees a glimmer of hope as he watches Cristina bristle while Ozzy micromanages her coconut chopping. She and Billy go to fetch some water and Ozzy calls after her to make sure she remembers to wash out the pot before filling it, and to remember to put one foot in front of the other while trying to walk. Cecelia feels badly for Billy but JP laughs, "I don't, I traded in my heart for this rockin' bod ages ago. Billy doesn't have to work very hard to get her to consider flipping on Ozzy, which is good, because Billy doesn't LIKE to work hard. She approaches Cecelia and the two discuss in Spanish whether Cecelia has made an alliance with Ozzy (she says she hasn't). Ozzy is aware that Billy is hustling to stay in the game...well, maybe not HUSTLING...but...kinda sorta trying, anyway. He then has the gall to say that Billy is "going behind his back" when Ozzy's the one that started all the backstabbing! "If they wanna vote me out, that's okay. I know they're gonna suffer." UGH UGH UGH!

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Fire represents life, etc. etc. Jeff asks Billy if the tribe has a leader, and Ozzy and JP sneer when Billy says that yes, Ozzy has emerged as the tribe's "big voice," which is just silly because Ozzy IS the big voice, he's never shut up since he's gotten there about how he knows how to do everything! Ozzy and JP's contempt for Billy just smacks of schoolyard bullying at this point. Cristina lobs her grenade at Ozzy, saying, "He's not a leader, he just takes control of everything." Ozzy sighs, "I'm not a leader, I just have to tell everyone exactly how to do every little thing so it gets done right! Why is that so hard to understand?" Then he says that the tribe works great as a team and that they can all take pride in that. Jeff calls bullcrap, and wonders how he can possibly say that after their abysmal failure at the challenge, and Billy tells Jeff that the team threw the challenge in order to get him out. Jeff is appalled at the unsportsmanship and the stupidity of engineering your tribe's demise when you only have five member tribes to begin with. JP replies that he doesn't want to carry Billy anymore, and when Billy starts to tell Jeff that he fell into "a classic trap," (whatever the hell THAT'S supposed to mean), JP interrupts and shouts down Billy for trying to come off like a victim. "I'm not a victim, I'm a player," Billy pouts unconvincingly. Then he calls JP a bully. Did anyone else get a gay vibe off of JP during all this? I think Brad's gay. Not that it matters, although I don't think we've ever had two gay men on the same season, have we? In Vanuatu we had lesbians up the ying-yang, but we usually just have one, if any gay men. Interesting. Anyway, JP gets more and more agitated, while Cece tries to calm him down. Billy's coming pretty well here, while JP does seem like a belligerent bully. Ozzy is letting his lieutenant JP do all the heavy lifting, interestingly enough.

Then, Billy takes a sudden, shocking detour into Crazy Town. In what has to be one of the absolute shocking moments in Survivor HISTORY, Billy tells Jeff that it's okay if he gets kicked out. He doesn't need the million dollars. Why? Because he has found true love during this game. And I assumed he was going to profess some kind of crush on his defender, Cristina, but instead he declares that he and Candice are in love. Jeff practically falls off of his stump and even the sympathetic ladies of iTunes can't help but burst into laughter at Billy's ridiculous statement. Jeff assumes Billy is joking but quickly learns that Billy is indeed a delusional crazy stalker-in-training. He believes that the exchange he shared with Candice after the challenge, in which she offered sympathy to his entire tribe from her entire tribe, was Candice expressing romantic love for him, and he's all in. "We sort of mouthed the words I love you to one another. SO that was my prize. She was my prize," he blathers, as the Doobie Brothers "What a Fool Believes* plays in the background. JP, looking suddenly in the right for not wanting to be around Billy, gives Jeff a "You see what we're dealing with" look, while Jeff struggles to regain his composure and respect Billy's feelings. He tries to point out that Candice hasn't spend ANY time with Billy--how could she possibly have these feelings? But Billy thinks it's love at first sight. Cecelia is completly flipped out, Ozzy is his usual somber self, and JP decrees that this just illustrates how Billy is "sketchy" and "random." Cristina tells Jeff she's worried for Billy's feelings and reiterates that she doesn't approve of backstabbing, even though she knows inside that she can't possibly back Billy now. The tribe votes, and we're subjected to our second "glamour shot of a millipede" in a row. I hate millipedes. So much so, that I had a hard time driving thru Milpitas to get to 49er Training Camp this summer. Anyway, Billy goes down 4-1, and seems totally geeked out to have Jeff snuff out his torch and say "The Tribe Has Spoken." Cecelia and Cristiana exchange an interesting look, maybe it's just "What the hell was THAT all about?" I think it's highly possible they were gonna vote out Ozzy until Billy went John Hinkley on them. They did both vote the same way, so they can't be upset with each other, can they? It was a very charged look, though. JP refuses to even wave goodbye to Billy when he gives the tribe a rocker salute (even Ozzy gives a polite little wave) and Jeff sends them home. "Good luck with those trust issues," he chuckles. In his exit speech, Billy says he thinks it's kinda need that the "metal" guy got ousted by a guy named Ozzy, and he wishes he'd been on an all-Metal tribe. Sigh, I hate that I can't quibble with Ozzy's evil plan anymore--I think it's better for everyone (Candice, especially)that Billy's gone. But I still hate Ozzy most of all and am rooting for his demise! Boo Ozzy!

Billy is the only contestant in Survivor history to be voted out in 19th place. In Palau, Wanda, a woman who liked to sing songs she made up about Survivor, wasn't voted IN to a tribe, and thus finished in 19th place.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Billy is an ex-marine, who has wrestled under the name "Spanish Fly." He also plays guitar in a NYC metal band called Forsakken. It is unclear if that's pronounced "forsaken", or if it's supposed to rhyme with the 80's metal group Dokken.

Too late to speculate!

Peace out!

Christine

Survivor 13.1 "Karma's a bizzle!"

We're back! Thank Goodness. I'm so ready for Survivor after having to
watch Mike Boogie win Big Brother: All Stars, and that horrible Lukas Rossi win
Rock Star: Supernova (Dilana was robbed). Survivor's out of Central America
and back to the South Pacific, to the Cook Islands, which are located roughly half
way between Hawaii and New Zealand. So keep your eyes peeled for the survivors
of Oceanic 815, and that crazy French lady. The show begins with Jeff standing
on the deck of an old-fashioned sailing ship that's pitching rather violently
in the sea. Jeff's yelling at us about how this is a "social experiment,"
very reminiscent of the very first Survivor opening, actually. The Powers That
Be at Survivor and CBS ALWAYS love to act like Survivor is more than just a game
show, but this season they're kinda right because the group of 20 Americans
has been divided into four racial groups: Asian, White, Black, Latino. Jeff gives
the word, and everyone has a few short minutes to salvage various supplies like
live chickens, machetes, lanterns etc. before they must jump overboard and paddle
their rafts to their respective islands. We hear someone yell, "Someone stole
the chicken!" before we are sent to commercial. 39 days! 20 people! One
Survivor!

GETTING TO KNOW YOU

On the Latino tribe, Aitu, which sounds like iTunes, but it can't be because
from what I've read, Survivor has no corporate sponsorship this year whatsoever,
Ozzy worries about conflict amongst the racially divided groups, while on the African-American
Hiki tribe, Sundra could care less, "Survival is a HUMAN endeavor," she
shrugs. The Asian "Puka" tribe's Yul is happy to see more minorities
playing Survivor, but also worries about reinforcing stereotypes. On the White
"Raro" tribe, Parvati (yep, she's very much a white girl, despite
the Indian name) wonders if racial-segregation Survivor is "kosher."
Hey, Parvati,we've got enough to deal with here without the Jewish stuff, thanks.

At iTunes, Dominican rocker-dude Billy reasons that the Latino's will have an
advantage, since they all come form Caribbean origins. Que? Then he stars bossing
everyone around, insisting that he knows how to build a shelter and a camp toilet
and use a machete and then he goes off and starts banging bamboo poles against trees
and basically making a mess. Arrogant but muy caliente JP sniffs, "I tried
not to assume he was incompetant because he was fat, but sure enough, the fat dude
didn't know what he was doing." Ozzy steps in and wows his tribemates
with his "Mowgli" like jungleboy skills, i.e. tree-shimmying and coconut
gathering. Ozzy proudly proclaims, "We'll have nothing but success as
long as we stay happy with one another!" America laughs at the idea of a Survivor
tribe staying happy with one another. Oh...Ozzy.

At Puka, Cao Boi (yes, that's Cowboy") a former Vietnamese refugee, likes
the tribe's odds of surprising the others because "no one expects slanty-eyed
people to do anything" but he frets about being able to get along with other
Asian-Americans, since he's an uneducated hippie. It's more likely because
he likes making ethnic jokes, no matter how often he's asked by his tribemates
to knock it off. The Asian tribe consists of two Koreans, One Vietnamese, One Filipino,
and One Filipino/Hawaiian. And yet, I predict that 17% of America will call this
"The Chinese tribe." The next day, Brad awakens with a terrible migraine,
which Cao Boi dubs "A Bad Wind." He works some old-country mojo on it,
and "Pulls the headache out of Brad's forehead, leaving a red scar between
his eyes. Brad tells us that Cao Boi's methods worked, and he doesn't have
a headache anymore. The ever-dignified Yul allows that he may have misjudged Cao
Boi, "In between the random, kinda inane nonsense are gems of knowledge that
are useful." You're all heart, Yul.

At Hiki, Stephannie tells us that the Black tribe feels the pressure of having to
"represent." Then, knowing that Survivor's audience is mostly White,
she decides to explain to us what she means by "represent." Rebecca looks
forward to proving that Black people can swim and paddle a boat--"we don't
just run track!" Sundra meanwhile, says the tribe's main problem is that
they're all a bunch of "city-slickers." Nathan is concerned about
cohesivness because "Black people don't like to be told what to do."
So far, this season is a festival of potential "well...they said it, not me"
moments. Hiki does get a pretty nifty shelter built, though it may be too close
to shore. There was no foreshadowing of that, by the way, I've just watched
every episode of this show. Later, fast-friends and fellow New Yorkers Rebecca
and Sundra are thrilled to find their well-water (which Sundra cleverly dubs a "parasitic
paradise"), and Stephannie is unthrilled to find herself a little left-out.
She's even less thrilled with self-appointed leader Sekou, who takes frequent
breaks as the tribe struggles to make fire. "We have too much to do,"
Stephannie shakes her head as she watches Sekou snore...

At Raro, smarmy Jonathan is the first to go Lex on us, saying race doesn't matter,
"This is Survivor they're gonna have to cut the throat of the guy next
to them at some point!" Jonathan is very proud of the fact that they have
two chickens, which he claims to have stolen from the "green team," then
he quickly amends that by saying he thought the chickens weren't in anyone's
possession when he took them. I'm just glad CBS didn't give Puka the yellow
buffs. Jonathan then exhorts his team to celebrate their haul from the ship and
the much-tattooed Jessica from Chico jokes, "Yay Whitey!" Candice looks
nervously at the camera and insists, "I was gonna say, Yay Raro! Because that's
our team name, and we didn't pick to be on a team with all White people, CBS
did, and I would never, EVER choose to identify myself as a White Person, per se,
I mean...let's go find our well!" Jessica and Jonathan go out exploring,
and are just about to form a friendship, as she reveals that her friends call her
"Flicka," when she casually, and for no apparant reason, flips over the
crate that holds the chickens, allowing them to flee into the jungle. If I didn't
know better, I'd say she's the Mole. Remember when Anderson Cooper was
just a game show host? Anyway Jonathan vows not to forgive Jessica for "screwing
up his chickens." Later that night, the all snuggle together on the beach,
because...they haven't appeared to have built a shelter yet. O....K. Candice
and Adam seem to have formed an early showmance, though I'm not really feeling
it, since Candice seems to have like, 40 IQ points on hunky but seemingly dense
Adam. Oh wait, Rob and Amber, never mind. Parvati seemed a little irritated at
this devolpment...jealous? Hmmmmm.

FIRST CHALLENGE: IMMUNITY AND REWARD EXTRAVAGANZA!

Tree mail arrives, and each tribe gets it's flag and a challenge poem. iTunes
Billy isn't concerned whether they win or lose, "If we lose, it's not
the end of the world, it's the beginning of the game." Um...yeah. Billy's
not the sharpest machete on pirate ship. Dude, losing could mean the end of YOUR
world, because YOU could get voted out. Anyway, the tribes gather, and Jeff wastes
no time in bringing up the chicken incident. Jonathan plays dumb, pretending he
didn't know the chicken had been in Puka's possession when he took it, so
maybe it was on the ground next to someone? Because he seems to know that he DID
steal it, but no one on Puka says he ripped it out of their hands or anything.
Everyone seems good-natured about it for the moment. Jeff goes on to explain that
the challenge: The teams must build a puzzle that forms an actual boat that they
will paddle out to light a torch on fire, then they paddle back, bring these rungs
that held the boat together, assemble another puzzle that makes these blocks, then
use the rungs to build a ladder, put the blocks in the wall as they climb the ladder,
then use their torch to light a bigger torch. Yes, it is confusing, as usual.
The first three teams win Immunity and flint, and the first place team gets a fire-making
kit with all manner of kindling, matches and even kerosene. The Immunity Idol is
a stout little fella, who seems eager to ask if anyone wants a nice Hawaiian Punch.

iTunes and Puka get off to early leads, and Hiki and Raro struggle. Hiki has serious
trouble working as a team, and the first two teams actually make it BACK to shore
before they even leave. They're not left out of the running though, because
Raro suck so bad at paddling, they just seem to sit off shore for hours. Puka passes
iTunes at the puzzle-solving and win the challenge, followed by iTunes. Hiki then
comes close to challenging Raro for third because Jonathan and Adam can't do
the puzzle. Yes, they chose lunky Adam to help do the puzzle. Then Raro tries
to ascend their ladder and only then realizes they forgot to bring those puzzle
blocks WITH them, so they have to go back. Eventually, they manage not to lose,
sending Hiki to Tribal Council. Jeff then reveals that Hiki gets to choose to send
one person onto this season's Exile Island for two days. This person faces
hardship and exclusion from their own tribes emerging politics, but also a chance
to find...the hidden Immunity Idol. I'm trying very hard to remember how much
I loved the Hidden Idol before it came into "the Navy guy's" possession.
Sigh. Nathan and Sekou jump at the chance to Exile someone, while the Hiki women
hang back. Jeff points this out like it's the men dominating the women, but
I think it's smart of the women not to appear eager to sent anyone into Exile.
Nathan fingers Jonathan the chicken-thief at the first Exile by declaring, "We
say, Karma's a bizzle!" Once in Exile, an outraged Jonathan blusters,
"I took the Asian guy's chicken, so the two African-American guys sent
me into Exile!! I was so shocked, I didn't even have a comeback! Me! A Hollywood
writer! I always have a comeback!" he read his poem-clue, which says "To
make a top grade, stand in a line. If the Southern Isle vanishes, a salvation you'll
find." So there's this kinda "A-Frame" ship's mast on the
island, and Jonathan says, "Well, there's an A" and starts digging
there, paying no mind to the part about the Southern Isle disappearing. Because
he's an idiot. I'm glad though, because I don't like him, and he seems
to be the type who would become insufferable if he had a pocket veto...you know
the type *cough*Terry*cough*.

SWING OUT, SISTER

Back at Hiki, the tribe quickly splits along gender lines. Nathan and Sekou fear
that the ladies will stick together, which they believe would be stupid. In a way,
that may be true. Not to dis my own gender here, but the two tribes did well, iTunes
and Puka, have three men and two women, while the tribes that struggled had three
women and two men. I'm not sure if this was a major factor, but you could make
that argument, and the argument for needing some muscle in the early stages. Then
again, you've gotta know these tribes aren't gonna last long (last season's
small gender/age tribes lasted only ONE Tribal Council) so why not get rid of the
person you don't get along with? The girls all agree that Sekou's "leadership"
is what caused them so much trouble at the disastrous boat-build. Sekou runs down
the women to good-natured fellow dude Nathan, "They can't build a fire...they
can't even build a hut, dude." Yeah, well, the hut's already built
and you haven't built a fire yet either, dude. The guys realize that Sundra
and Rebecca are too tight to turn on one another, so they target Stephannie, who's
well aware of her swing-vote status. For some reason, CBS chooses to show us a
giant, horrifying millipede for like, 20 minutes, before showing us Sekou's
lame-ass attempts to get Stephannie to side with the boys instead of the girls.
One, he doesn't even bring up the whole, "These challenges may involve
brute strength" issue. Then he chooses to talk to Steh in this really patronizing
tone, like he has all this knowledge to impart and that he's in possession of
some sort of high-powered charisma ray, neither of which is true. He tells her
in regards to Sundra and Rebecca, "Them two is tight." Steph is all,
"duh." He says, "You need to break dat up!" Steph yawns, "No
kidding." Then he warns her that they can't make a fire, because they're
New Yorkers and Steph raises her eyebrows, "Uh, you haven't either!"
she reminds him. Sekou babbles, "When I build a fire, you better keep it going,
cuz if you boot me out, there ain't gonna be no ore fire!" Uh...que?
Sekou doesn't seem all that sharp. If they'd divided this group by IQ,
I could see Sekou, Jessica, Adam and Billy sharing a tribe flag. There'd be
no Asians on the tribe however, because Asian people are all smart. That's
right, Survivor: I've learned nothing about stereotyping from your little "social
experiment," NOTHING!!

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Hiki paddles to the KICK ASS Tribal Council area, which is on the deck of this fake
old shipwreck--it ROCKS! Fire still represents Life, yada yada yada. Jeff starts
poking around in Hiki's business, and Nathan insists they've become a little
family. He then laughs when Jeff asks about the racially-divided tribes and glares
a little as he brings up the pressure of having to "represent." Stephannie
tries to paint herself more as a swing vote as an odd-man out, and shrugs that women
sticking together over men is only natural, though that's actually rarely been
true in Survivor or in life. It is however true of Hiki, at least for now. Though
Sekou calls Sundra the tribe's "weakest, weakest link," He goes down
3-2. Nathan's sadness over Sekou's departure is short-lived, because Jeff
gives the team their flint, and they now have fire. In his exit speech, Sekou credits
his leadership for any future success Hiki has. Whatever you gotta tell yourself,
dude.

Sekou is the only person in Survivor history to be voted out in 10th place. In
Palau, blond meathead Jonathan was stunned to finish in 20th place when nobody voted
him IN.

RANDOM EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Sekou, a professional bass player, has recorded with George Benson, Quincy Jones,
Ray Charles, Ice Cube, Michael Jackson and many others. He will also appear in
the film "Dreamgirls," with fellow reality alum Jennifer Hudson from American
Idol.

Tonight: Civil War at iTunes, more unappreciated attempts at humor from Puka's
Cao Boi, and an Island romance that shocks seen-it-all Jeff Probst. Could we have
our first same-sex hook-up? Just wondering...

Peace! Christine :D

Survivor 13 preview and Survivor 12 mini-wrap

As usual, I thought I was going to do reviews of the last two episodes of Survivor:Exile Island, and I had all summer to do it, and I didn't do it. So I figured I'd just deal with the bookkeeping, since I'm obsessive. Also, I figuredI'd address Survivor : Cook Islands. If you're getting this and you don't
want it, please let me know, and I won't send it to you.

I'm really excited about Survivor--yes, they're dividing the tribes by race
to start, but it won't be for very long. How long did the four "gender/age"
tribes last? Not long. And I like starting with little groups because it's
easier to get to know who everyone is--even early vote-outs like last season's
Misty are more familiar because we got to know them in a small group environment.
I'm sure there'll be some awkward moments but there's always awkward
moments in Survivor. This cast is a REAL departure--usually we have a cast of 16
to 18, with maybe 2 or 3 "people of color." This year, we have a cast
of 20 with only 5 white people. Actually, that's what's bugging me: 20
people. I hate these bigger casts. I liked that last season we went back to the
"classic" 16, I hate 18 and I LOATHE 20. We've has 20 people only
once before, and that was in Palau where they picked tribes and two people were
left out, and thus not allowed to participate. 20 people is a lot of people to
keep track of. Also, all the race talk has allowed CBS to give us the youngest
cast EVER, without anyone even noticing--except me. There are fewer "young
twenty somethings" than last season--most of the players are in their late
20's to mid 30's. But there are only THREE players over 40, ZERO players
over 45 and ZERO women over 36.

The Survivors themselves are really interesting--a lot of ex-military, several actors
who admit to being actors and one, Rebecca, who's an Emmy Award winning make-up
artist for "The View". Yes, she does Survivor: Outback's Elisabeth
Filarski Hasselback's make-up. It's a small world after all. I would be
surprised if the players stayed divided along racial lines after they get put into
two and then one tribes. In a contest for a million, people try to engineer the
situation that will get them the dough. In the AMazon, the men had the numbers
when they merged and yet a woman won, and when the situation was reversed in Vanuatu,
with the women at the advantage, a man won. I think once the smoke clears, we're
just gonna have a good old fashioned game of Survivor--let the games begin!

LAST SEASON

Well, I wanted Cirie to win and once she was gone, it was kinda....eh. My Terry
hatred is well-documented, so I was glad he was eliminated, even though that "balance" final challenge seemed designed for a woman to win, I dunno. I was glad Terry didn't win because he wanted to win Survivor by not playing Survivor. That Immunity Idol ticked me off. Anyone THAT bad at making alliances had no business winning the game. It's not the Olympics, it's SURVIVOR. It also bugged me how Aras apologized for being a jerk to Terry, but Terry never apologized for being an ass to Cirie. Cirie lost a tiebreak fire-building contest (ala Bobby Jon in Palau) and finished in fourth place, joining Stoopid Sue, Elisabeth from "The View", incomprehensible Big Tom, Judge Paschal (who lost the "drawing rocks" tie-break), gruff Helen, "too-nice to be on Survivor" Butch, Darah the pretty coroner, annoying
Eliza, boring Jennifer who's now fighting cancer, and annoying Lydia. A lot
of annoying people have finished in fourth place, and Cirie was not one of them.
I liked the fact that the reunion show focused a lot on how Cirie had gone from
couch potato to superwoman. I also feel badly for still calling Lydia annoying,
since she tragically lost her teenaged son in a car wreck over the summer :(

"Navy guy" Terry was booted in third place after he was betrayed yet again
by Danielle. He joins fellow military man Rudy, annoying Keith, psycho Lex, Krazy
(but beloved) Kath, wacko Jan, crafty Rob C., evil Johnny Fairplay, never able to
complete a freakin' challenge Scout, Ian who was to hard on himself and Rafe
who was very funny until he got all judgey.

Boston jock Danielle finished in 2nd place, amazing, since everyone around her seemed
to hold her in contempt, lol. She joins "more worthy than Hatch" Kelly,
noble and gorgeous Colby, lucky Old Kim, Oh My Heck Neleh, contemptible Clay, weird
machete Matt, MOST ANNOYING SURVIVOR OF ALL TIME, lady boy-scout Lill who was voted
out and then allowed back in, GAH!, tricky Twila, annoying Katie, and plucky Steph
from Palau.

Aras became Survivor's 12th millionaire. He's kinda "meh" as
far as winners go, but he made a strong alliance and didn't betray it until
it was time for it to eat itself, and that's some good Survivor playing right
there. For those who are counting, we've had 6 men, and 6 women winners. They
are: evil convicted felon Richard Hatch, kinder, gentler manipulator Tina, good
and true and brave and awesome and handsome Ethan, coasty and clever Vecepia (who
proved flying under the radar CAN be an effective strategy), icky awful Porn Star
Brian who was in the news recently for killing animals or some such, Rich Jenna,
who somehow won me over--I hated her that whole season but she really did play a
great game, witty Sandra, another under the radar flyer, sneaky Chris, who also
kept his head down and won by being "not Twila", Fireman Tom who wasn't
as noble as he thought he was, and lovable tomboy Danni, who's part of an ESPN
Fantasy Football show now, you go girl! Amber's the sixth woman champ, but
I don't count all-stars in my accounting of past placement, because good players
were voted out because they were good, people quit, freakin' AMber won...it
just doesn't REALLY count if you're looking at things historically. It's
like how playoff stats are kept separate from regular season stats, you know?

So let's get ready for the Cook Islands, the return of Exile Island and hopefully
no more Immunity Idol, unless it has a shorter lifespan. I dunno, maybe the Immunity
Idol can still be cool, I just resent the hell out of it for keeping Terry around
so long.

Peace Out!

Christine :)