Survivor 13.1 "Karma's a bizzle!"

We're back! Thank Goodness. I'm so ready for Survivor after having to
watch Mike Boogie win Big Brother: All Stars, and that horrible Lukas Rossi win
Rock Star: Supernova (Dilana was robbed). Survivor's out of Central America
and back to the South Pacific, to the Cook Islands, which are located roughly half
way between Hawaii and New Zealand. So keep your eyes peeled for the survivors
of Oceanic 815, and that crazy French lady. The show begins with Jeff standing
on the deck of an old-fashioned sailing ship that's pitching rather violently
in the sea. Jeff's yelling at us about how this is a "social experiment,"
very reminiscent of the very first Survivor opening, actually. The Powers That
Be at Survivor and CBS ALWAYS love to act like Survivor is more than just a game
show, but this season they're kinda right because the group of 20 Americans
has been divided into four racial groups: Asian, White, Black, Latino. Jeff gives
the word, and everyone has a few short minutes to salvage various supplies like
live chickens, machetes, lanterns etc. before they must jump overboard and paddle
their rafts to their respective islands. We hear someone yell, "Someone stole
the chicken!" before we are sent to commercial. 39 days! 20 people! One
Survivor!

GETTING TO KNOW YOU

On the Latino tribe, Aitu, which sounds like iTunes, but it can't be because
from what I've read, Survivor has no corporate sponsorship this year whatsoever,
Ozzy worries about conflict amongst the racially divided groups, while on the African-American
Hiki tribe, Sundra could care less, "Survival is a HUMAN endeavor," she
shrugs. The Asian "Puka" tribe's Yul is happy to see more minorities
playing Survivor, but also worries about reinforcing stereotypes. On the White
"Raro" tribe, Parvati (yep, she's very much a white girl, despite
the Indian name) wonders if racial-segregation Survivor is "kosher."
Hey, Parvati,we've got enough to deal with here without the Jewish stuff, thanks.

At iTunes, Dominican rocker-dude Billy reasons that the Latino's will have an
advantage, since they all come form Caribbean origins. Que? Then he stars bossing
everyone around, insisting that he knows how to build a shelter and a camp toilet
and use a machete and then he goes off and starts banging bamboo poles against trees
and basically making a mess. Arrogant but muy caliente JP sniffs, "I tried
not to assume he was incompetant because he was fat, but sure enough, the fat dude
didn't know what he was doing." Ozzy steps in and wows his tribemates
with his "Mowgli" like jungleboy skills, i.e. tree-shimmying and coconut
gathering. Ozzy proudly proclaims, "We'll have nothing but success as
long as we stay happy with one another!" America laughs at the idea of a Survivor
tribe staying happy with one another. Oh...Ozzy.

At Puka, Cao Boi (yes, that's Cowboy") a former Vietnamese refugee, likes
the tribe's odds of surprising the others because "no one expects slanty-eyed
people to do anything" but he frets about being able to get along with other
Asian-Americans, since he's an uneducated hippie. It's more likely because
he likes making ethnic jokes, no matter how often he's asked by his tribemates
to knock it off. The Asian tribe consists of two Koreans, One Vietnamese, One Filipino,
and One Filipino/Hawaiian. And yet, I predict that 17% of America will call this
"The Chinese tribe." The next day, Brad awakens with a terrible migraine,
which Cao Boi dubs "A Bad Wind." He works some old-country mojo on it,
and "Pulls the headache out of Brad's forehead, leaving a red scar between
his eyes. Brad tells us that Cao Boi's methods worked, and he doesn't have
a headache anymore. The ever-dignified Yul allows that he may have misjudged Cao
Boi, "In between the random, kinda inane nonsense are gems of knowledge that
are useful." You're all heart, Yul.

At Hiki, Stephannie tells us that the Black tribe feels the pressure of having to
"represent." Then, knowing that Survivor's audience is mostly White,
she decides to explain to us what she means by "represent." Rebecca looks
forward to proving that Black people can swim and paddle a boat--"we don't
just run track!" Sundra meanwhile, says the tribe's main problem is that
they're all a bunch of "city-slickers." Nathan is concerned about
cohesivness because "Black people don't like to be told what to do."
So far, this season is a festival of potential "well...they said it, not me"
moments. Hiki does get a pretty nifty shelter built, though it may be too close
to shore. There was no foreshadowing of that, by the way, I've just watched
every episode of this show. Later, fast-friends and fellow New Yorkers Rebecca
and Sundra are thrilled to find their well-water (which Sundra cleverly dubs a "parasitic
paradise"), and Stephannie is unthrilled to find herself a little left-out.
She's even less thrilled with self-appointed leader Sekou, who takes frequent
breaks as the tribe struggles to make fire. "We have too much to do,"
Stephannie shakes her head as she watches Sekou snore...

At Raro, smarmy Jonathan is the first to go Lex on us, saying race doesn't matter,
"This is Survivor they're gonna have to cut the throat of the guy next
to them at some point!" Jonathan is very proud of the fact that they have
two chickens, which he claims to have stolen from the "green team," then
he quickly amends that by saying he thought the chickens weren't in anyone's
possession when he took them. I'm just glad CBS didn't give Puka the yellow
buffs. Jonathan then exhorts his team to celebrate their haul from the ship and
the much-tattooed Jessica from Chico jokes, "Yay Whitey!" Candice looks
nervously at the camera and insists, "I was gonna say, Yay Raro! Because that's
our team name, and we didn't pick to be on a team with all White people, CBS
did, and I would never, EVER choose to identify myself as a White Person, per se,
I mean...let's go find our well!" Jessica and Jonathan go out exploring,
and are just about to form a friendship, as she reveals that her friends call her
"Flicka," when she casually, and for no apparant reason, flips over the
crate that holds the chickens, allowing them to flee into the jungle. If I didn't
know better, I'd say she's the Mole. Remember when Anderson Cooper was
just a game show host? Anyway Jonathan vows not to forgive Jessica for "screwing
up his chickens." Later that night, the all snuggle together on the beach,
because...they haven't appeared to have built a shelter yet. O....K. Candice
and Adam seem to have formed an early showmance, though I'm not really feeling
it, since Candice seems to have like, 40 IQ points on hunky but seemingly dense
Adam. Oh wait, Rob and Amber, never mind. Parvati seemed a little irritated at
this devolpment...jealous? Hmmmmm.

FIRST CHALLENGE: IMMUNITY AND REWARD EXTRAVAGANZA!

Tree mail arrives, and each tribe gets it's flag and a challenge poem. iTunes
Billy isn't concerned whether they win or lose, "If we lose, it's not
the end of the world, it's the beginning of the game." Um...yeah. Billy's
not the sharpest machete on pirate ship. Dude, losing could mean the end of YOUR
world, because YOU could get voted out. Anyway, the tribes gather, and Jeff wastes
no time in bringing up the chicken incident. Jonathan plays dumb, pretending he
didn't know the chicken had been in Puka's possession when he took it, so
maybe it was on the ground next to someone? Because he seems to know that he DID
steal it, but no one on Puka says he ripped it out of their hands or anything.
Everyone seems good-natured about it for the moment. Jeff goes on to explain that
the challenge: The teams must build a puzzle that forms an actual boat that they
will paddle out to light a torch on fire, then they paddle back, bring these rungs
that held the boat together, assemble another puzzle that makes these blocks, then
use the rungs to build a ladder, put the blocks in the wall as they climb the ladder,
then use their torch to light a bigger torch. Yes, it is confusing, as usual.
The first three teams win Immunity and flint, and the first place team gets a fire-making
kit with all manner of kindling, matches and even kerosene. The Immunity Idol is
a stout little fella, who seems eager to ask if anyone wants a nice Hawaiian Punch.

iTunes and Puka get off to early leads, and Hiki and Raro struggle. Hiki has serious
trouble working as a team, and the first two teams actually make it BACK to shore
before they even leave. They're not left out of the running though, because
Raro suck so bad at paddling, they just seem to sit off shore for hours. Puka passes
iTunes at the puzzle-solving and win the challenge, followed by iTunes. Hiki then
comes close to challenging Raro for third because Jonathan and Adam can't do
the puzzle. Yes, they chose lunky Adam to help do the puzzle. Then Raro tries
to ascend their ladder and only then realizes they forgot to bring those puzzle
blocks WITH them, so they have to go back. Eventually, they manage not to lose,
sending Hiki to Tribal Council. Jeff then reveals that Hiki gets to choose to send
one person onto this season's Exile Island for two days. This person faces
hardship and exclusion from their own tribes emerging politics, but also a chance
to find...the hidden Immunity Idol. I'm trying very hard to remember how much
I loved the Hidden Idol before it came into "the Navy guy's" possession.
Sigh. Nathan and Sekou jump at the chance to Exile someone, while the Hiki women
hang back. Jeff points this out like it's the men dominating the women, but
I think it's smart of the women not to appear eager to sent anyone into Exile.
Nathan fingers Jonathan the chicken-thief at the first Exile by declaring, "We
say, Karma's a bizzle!" Once in Exile, an outraged Jonathan blusters,
"I took the Asian guy's chicken, so the two African-American guys sent
me into Exile!! I was so shocked, I didn't even have a comeback! Me! A Hollywood
writer! I always have a comeback!" he read his poem-clue, which says "To
make a top grade, stand in a line. If the Southern Isle vanishes, a salvation you'll
find." So there's this kinda "A-Frame" ship's mast on the
island, and Jonathan says, "Well, there's an A" and starts digging
there, paying no mind to the part about the Southern Isle disappearing. Because
he's an idiot. I'm glad though, because I don't like him, and he seems
to be the type who would become insufferable if he had a pocket veto...you know
the type *cough*Terry*cough*.

SWING OUT, SISTER

Back at Hiki, the tribe quickly splits along gender lines. Nathan and Sekou fear
that the ladies will stick together, which they believe would be stupid. In a way,
that may be true. Not to dis my own gender here, but the two tribes did well, iTunes
and Puka, have three men and two women, while the tribes that struggled had three
women and two men. I'm not sure if this was a major factor, but you could make
that argument, and the argument for needing some muscle in the early stages. Then
again, you've gotta know these tribes aren't gonna last long (last season's
small gender/age tribes lasted only ONE Tribal Council) so why not get rid of the
person you don't get along with? The girls all agree that Sekou's "leadership"
is what caused them so much trouble at the disastrous boat-build. Sekou runs down
the women to good-natured fellow dude Nathan, "They can't build a fire...they
can't even build a hut, dude." Yeah, well, the hut's already built
and you haven't built a fire yet either, dude. The guys realize that Sundra
and Rebecca are too tight to turn on one another, so they target Stephannie, who's
well aware of her swing-vote status. For some reason, CBS chooses to show us a
giant, horrifying millipede for like, 20 minutes, before showing us Sekou's
lame-ass attempts to get Stephannie to side with the boys instead of the girls.
One, he doesn't even bring up the whole, "These challenges may involve
brute strength" issue. Then he chooses to talk to Steh in this really patronizing
tone, like he has all this knowledge to impart and that he's in possession of
some sort of high-powered charisma ray, neither of which is true. He tells her
in regards to Sundra and Rebecca, "Them two is tight." Steph is all,
"duh." He says, "You need to break dat up!" Steph yawns, "No
kidding." Then he warns her that they can't make a fire, because they're
New Yorkers and Steph raises her eyebrows, "Uh, you haven't either!"
she reminds him. Sekou babbles, "When I build a fire, you better keep it going,
cuz if you boot me out, there ain't gonna be no ore fire!" Uh...que?
Sekou doesn't seem all that sharp. If they'd divided this group by IQ,
I could see Sekou, Jessica, Adam and Billy sharing a tribe flag. There'd be
no Asians on the tribe however, because Asian people are all smart. That's
right, Survivor: I've learned nothing about stereotyping from your little "social
experiment," NOTHING!!

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Hiki paddles to the KICK ASS Tribal Council area, which is on the deck of this fake
old shipwreck--it ROCKS! Fire still represents Life, yada yada yada. Jeff starts
poking around in Hiki's business, and Nathan insists they've become a little
family. He then laughs when Jeff asks about the racially-divided tribes and glares
a little as he brings up the pressure of having to "represent." Stephannie
tries to paint herself more as a swing vote as an odd-man out, and shrugs that women
sticking together over men is only natural, though that's actually rarely been
true in Survivor or in life. It is however true of Hiki, at least for now. Though
Sekou calls Sundra the tribe's "weakest, weakest link," He goes down
3-2. Nathan's sadness over Sekou's departure is short-lived, because Jeff
gives the team their flint, and they now have fire. In his exit speech, Sekou credits
his leadership for any future success Hiki has. Whatever you gotta tell yourself,
dude.

Sekou is the only person in Survivor history to be voted out in 10th place. In
Palau, blond meathead Jonathan was stunned to finish in 20th place when nobody voted
him IN.

RANDOM EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Sekou, a professional bass player, has recorded with George Benson, Quincy Jones,
Ray Charles, Ice Cube, Michael Jackson and many others. He will also appear in
the film "Dreamgirls," with fellow reality alum Jennifer Hudson from American
Idol.

Tonight: Civil War at iTunes, more unappreciated attempts at humor from Puka's
Cao Boi, and an Island romance that shocks seen-it-all Jeff Probst. Could we have
our first same-sex hook-up? Just wondering...

Peace! Christine :D