Survivor 11.11 "I'm sick of hearing your crap, you're lucky you're still in this game!"

BEFORE WE BEGIN

Yes, I'm really behind and you're all past caring, but completing the season is something I MUST do as a crazy person, before we can start the new season. Which begins February 2nd, by the way. The new Survivors bios are up at the cbs.com if you're interested.

FALLOUT

Judd is reeling from Jamie's surprise ouster at Tribal Council, mainly because he's the only one who was surprised. Steph insists that he was kept in the dark for his own good, so that he wouldn't feel guilty, since Jamie's his buddy and everything. Judd insists he's cool with it, and that he's not mad, but everyone's still nervous around him, because he's being pretty loud about how not-mad he is. Judd frets to the camera, "It makes me wunduh from heeh on out, man." Gary is very happy that Jamie drove everyone crazy enough to want to oust Jamie instead of next-in-line Gary, and he plans on exposing and exploiting further divisions in the camp in the next few days. Before the go to bed, Rafe and Steph exult in a Jamie-less camp. Me too.

The next day, Lydia worries that supporting Gary was the wrong move for her, "I've got to figure it out, but...I've got to do it carefully because if I don't...I'm gonna be next to go." No, you won't Lydia. Because I'm not that lucky and you're not that important. Man, Lydia bugs. Oh so careful Lydia allows Gary to pump her for information in earshot of a snooping Judd, who's eyes widen as he hears Gary try to lobby her to switch over to his and Danni side. Judd awakens Rafe and Steph, who aren't all that worried, because they feel Cindy is solidly with them, so who ares what Lydia does? Rafe is more that a little pleased that ousting Jamie has driven Judd closer to he and Steph, while Judd is indignant that Gary's trying to sidle up to Lydia after telling him and Steph that he wanted "undeserving" Cindy and Lydia out of the game. In Judd's eyes, this makes Gary a "liah," but what choice does Gary have, Judd? You and Steph didn't let him into your alliance, so now he's doing whatever he can to survive. Gary asks Lydia for her input and strategy and of course, she has nothing to offer. Gary then tries to sell her on joining HIS final four, but even dumb Lydia isn't dumb enough to think three equals four. Although she IS dumb enough to intentionally piss off Steph...

THE "REVEAL YOUR ALLIANCES" GAME

Yes, it's that time of the season when players get to eliminate people from the Reward hunt, thus revealing who their friends are, and often, what order they intend to vote people out. This played out most dramatically in season four, when Neleh and Pappy caught on to John and the Smugglies and turned the tables on them, eventually allowing the unremarkable Vecepia to somehow win the game. Last year was fairly dramatic too--Katie helped to eliminate Ian to sidle up to Gregg, which had a huge ripple effect on the emotional waters of the entire game. This season's game is for mojitos, meat and massage at a hot springs waterfall. To win, players must first answer some trivia questions about Guatemala. If they get a right answer, they get to smash one of three pots belonging to another player. Last one with a usable pot at the end of the game, wins. The first question is about the name of some ancient Guatemalan language, and Steph wrongly guesses that it's "Sanskrit." Seriously, Steph deserved to lose just for that. Now, everyone's attacks stick to what you'd expect--the Magic 5 targeting Gary and Danni, while the target Steph and Judd etc., except Lydia targets Steph, eventually knocking her out of the game. "Jealousy will get you nowhere," Steph huffs on her way to the bench, and Lydia tries to play it off like it's no big deal, "I want to eeeat!" she shrugs. "We'll see about that," Steph sneers, as she takes out her crystal ball and begins summoning her flying monkeys. Lydia insists, "But boss, you ate on the last reward!" "So did your new friends Danni and Gary," Steph seethes. Cindy reaffirms her status as a card-carrying Magic 6er...er...5er, and ousts Gary. Since Steph is gone, Lydia begins to target Judd--great strategy, Lydia piss off volatile Judd after you're done with touchy Steph, brilliant! Cindy eliminates Danni, and Steph gives another reality show a shout-out when she refers to the elimination bench as "The Loser's Lounge," ala Bravo's Celebrity Poker. Rafe eliminates Lydia, awww, and then Cindy winds up defeating Rafe, making her the winner. Everyone applauds her, hoping for an invite. Man, i wanted her to invite Steph SO BAD, just because maybe Lydia's head would explode, but Cindy picks Rafe, since he finished in second place.

STEPH FLIPS OUT

Back at camp, Steph is still furious at Lydia for breaking ranks with the Magic Whatever and helping knock Steph out of the challenge just because Lydia was hungry, "Well, boo-hoo for Lydia," Steph rages to the camera, "I'm sick of hearing your crap, you're lucky you're still in this game!" And a whole herd of Word! on that one, let me just say. Steph then gathers the remaining troops and points out each and every time they'd eaten since the merge. She admits that she feasted the first time she could, when she gave up a chance at immunity to do so (as did Lydia and Rafe), but overstates matters when she declares that by doing so, she "put my ass on the line," Uh...well, c'mon Steph, it was hardly a brave decision. It was arrogant and you knew you could get away with it because of your alliance. You know it, I know it, and the American people know it. Steph points out that everyone ate something the night Jamie gave up his reward to apologize for taunting everyone at the aforementioned Luncheon of Arrogance, and and irritated Gary points out that his one slice of pizza that night hardly compares to the shrimp and steak she and Bobby Jon dined on, courtesy of star-struck winner Judd. Gary tells the camera that he doesn't believe Steph has lost any weight at all while out here, and he's annoyed by how much corn meal and nuts she eats, in addition to the rewards she's won. Lydia insists that attacking Steph wasn't personal, "I'm the only one who hasn't had a meal," she whines. Judd barks, "Everyting's personal, man." Then Lydia tries to get us on her side by complaining that everyone's putting Steph on a pedestal. Uh, yeah, and who was it calling her "your hero" in minute freaking one of Survivor: Guatemala? Yes, you Lydia honey. You wanna eat a freakin' meal out here, why don't you try freakin' WINNING something, you big baby. I mean, she single-handedly LOST the competition that sent Gary, Danni, Judd and Steph to that one feast. AGH, I hate Lydia. Hate hate hate.

LYDIA-SELF-PITYIA

Elsewhere, Cindy and Rafe have a predictably wonderful time on their idyllic trip, and firm up an alliance that, as we now know, won't last. When they return to camp, Judd and Steph insist that Rafe and Cindy give them a detailed play-by-play of all the wonderful food they got to eat, which infuriates and further embitters Lydia ( which is probably what Judd and Steph were aiming at). Lydia feels that Cindy should have picked her out of fairness, since she's suffered more than anyone and because she's an outcast. Lydia reminds me of my days as a CBS page, when I got to process and seat the audience for "The Price Is Right." There's 325 people or so, all hoping to hear their name called so they can 'Come on Down!" They are all briefly interviewed by one of the producers, who picks a slate of...I think it's nine people total, who get called. And they try to get a good cross-section of age and race and whatnot, but the main thing they're looking for is people who are going to be FUN. So they're looking for happy, upbeat, outgoing people. And there'd always be these bitter old crones who'd tried numerous times to get on and never had and were just so angry and resentful and they complain to the pages and huff and puff about how all the "perky" and "crazy" people got picked and we of course had to be polite to these people because we had giant CBS logos on our pockets but what we wanted to scream at these people was, "You didn't get picked because you're a big ol' drag and no one would root for you if you got on TV." Similarly, why on Earth would Cindy pick sour ol' Lydia when she could go with sweet, funny Rafe? It's a no-brainer. Anyway, Lydia makes a big show about how she's taken all the leftover scraps from everyone else's meals and put them into her mug to eat as a soup because she's so very hungry. Cindy correctly mocks this martyrish display, "So we're supposed to feel sorry for her and let her win something, sheyeah, right!" Later, Steph, Cindy, Rafe and Judd declare themselves the Final Four, and marvel at how Lydia managed to last 29 days. "Because she's nice and she smiles," Cindy comments. "Well, she wasn't nice today," snarks Steph--who is quite lucky being nice isn't the ONLY criteria to keep someone around. If you know what I'm saying. Gary and Danni contemplate trying to swing Rafe over to their band of outcasts, and Danni admits to us that if they can't swing enough votes to their side, she'll play up to the power clique if that's what she needs to do to survive, "I'm not gonna go home," she vows.

IMMUNITY AND IT'S AFTERMATH

The Immunity Challenge is one of my all-time favorites, the one where Jeff tells a folk tale, and everyone has to go from station to station answering questions so they can gather tokens to bring back to him so they can win. In Season One, Rudy hilariously answered every question, "Ah don' know." Sigh. Good times. Anyway, long story short, Gary, Rafe and Cindy take the early lead, and it's an incredibly close finish between Gary and Rafe but once again, superstar Rafe is victorious...

Back at camp, Rafe is as stunned at his dominance as the next person, "Who would see this little gay Mormon and think he was gonna win most of the Immunities?" Whoa, what a revelation. I mean, Rafe was so obviously Mormon, but I'd never have guessed he was gay. Rafe is very proud because growing up, he never saw anyone who looked and acted gay and who was still athletic. Apparently, he never watched Olympic figure skating. Or Gymnastics. Or diving. But anyhoo, good for Rafe. He, Steph, Judd and Cindy spend some time together talking about how tight and cool their alliance of four is. Actually, it's more like Steph and Judd sucking up to Cindy and Rafe. Steph is nervous--last time she was powerless, but now that she's in a position of power, she's even more paranoid. Lydia gets up on her cross and laments the fact that now that the numbers game is over and she's not useful, the others don't have to keep her around. Well, DUH. She praises her own loyalty for sticking with them since day one, which of course benefitted her just as much as it did them, especially when there was a good chance of her going home instead of Brianna. Lydia also continues to delude herself with the idea that she's important enough to eliminate tonight instead of Gary.

Meanwhile, Gary and Danni talk about what might happen tonight--Gary is pretty sure he's doomed becasue they weren't able to sway Rafe. Gary says Cindy will never switch becasue she hates him and this strong animosity between Cindy and Gary will be referenced several times but never, ever explained. Thanks a lot, Survivor editors. They make a last-ditch effort to swing Rafe over to their side, but he doesn't bite--although he DOES reveal that he doesn't trust Judd very much, which Gary hopes to exploit if he can. Judd watches all the shenanigans from his perch--he's worried about gary and Lydia, becasue he doesn't trust either of them.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Bobby Jon and Jamie are brought in, and Jamie looks a lot worse, now that he's shaved. He's not my type, but I thought the beard was working for him. Jeff starts things off by caling out Lydia for taking out Steph out of "fairness" about who ate, and Lydia tries to defend the move, but Jeff isn't buying it, "Hey, dumbass, this is a game of relationships, and you just sabotaged the only ones you had just so you could eat and you didn't even get to do that! What the hell are you still doing here!?" Lydia then complains that Steph is so well-liked , that she gets picked to go on other people's rewards, which...one) os what, twp) try to be more likeable then, Lydia and three) is that even true? Steph earned her way onto every reward she's had except the one where Judd got to invite two people to his table. Ugh, Lydia sucks. Jeff asks Steph if she's in charge, and she scoffs at the notion, saying her rant at camp was just about wanting people to say things to her face--like if they were resentful of her eating so much. Gary chimes in that he likes Steph, but, "...others are star-struck by her. They probably will get her autograph after the show," he chuckles, and then adds under his breath, "And you'll also probably ask for MY autograph, once you learn that I'm a former NFL quarterback, bwah hah hah!" Gary's comment rankles everyone left in the game and delights Bobby Jon and Jamie, who dissolve into a fit of good ol' boy giggling. Apparantly, they're tight now, and you can practically hear the theme to "Dukes of Hazzard," playing whenever they cut over to them. Cindy says she's pretty happy with the way she's played the game, ethically speaking, and then Judd splutters, "Ah don' tink ah've lied yet, but I tink ah'm gonna staht lyin. Day's lies everywhere, man, and ah'm uh damn bad liah so ah may be in trouble now." You don't know the half of it, Judd. Jeff asks Jud to elaborate on what Judd means by "lies being everywhere," and Judd is more than happy to oblige, getting very righteous as he tells everyone about how Gary told Judd and Steph that Lydia and Cindy were undeserving and riding coattails and then suddenly Gary's out trying to make an alliance with Lydia. Cindy fumes, but doesn't seem surprised at Gary's low opinion of her. gary is indignant, insisting he's merely playing the game. He never told Lydia and Cindy he DID think they were deserving and making their own way in the game. And then Gary does, it, he busts Judd, "This is a lie, "Hey everybody, the Immunity Idol is definatley on the ground. Well, I followed Judd here, and he was looking for it in trees and that's where I found it, in the trees." Yup, that is certainly what a lie sounds like Gary...Hawkins *cough*. Judd is ticked, "Okay, ah lied about the famn idol, okay." Rafe looks hurt. Gary must know he's doomed because he casts his vote for his arch-nemesis Cindy (again, we'll never know why they hate each other, but they really, really do) and Gary goes down in a hail of votes, as even Danni votes him out.

Gary is voted out in 7th place. This has only rarely been an interesting place to finich, interestingly enough. In Season One, slacker Gervase was a victim of numbers, as was Nick in Australia. I KNOW many of you think I'm making him up, but go to CBS.com and you'll see. In Africa, Frank was, you guessed it, on the wrong side of an alliance. Same thing with Tammi, who I remmeber only for her bitterness agianst Neleh once the game was shook up. In Thailand, the smug but forgettable Penny was (all together now) a predictible victim of numbers. It wasn't until the Amazon that 7th place got interesting and Rob rebelled against the Cool Kids clique and ousted Alex. In the Pearl Islands, Tijuana stupidly trusted Jonny Fairplay instead of going with a woman's alliance and in Vanuatu we had another stunner, when Twila and Scout allied with their arch-rival Elizabeth in order to oust Ami's stooge, LeAnn. Last season it was no surprise when Steph's luck ran out, and Jeff couldn't convince anyone else to quit on her behalf.

Random Loser Fact: Gary actually played pro football for like, 10 years! Isn't that amazing? I had no idea...

My sincere thanks to all of you who actually still read this :)

Peace :D

Christine