Survivor 11.10 "Now THAT'S how you vote someone out!"

BEFORE WE BEGIN

I've been watching a few minutes of Beverly Hills 90210 in the morning on SoapNet, before I go to work. They're in the BAD years, when they were trying to do "adult" stories, and everyone was smug and miserable and managing clubs and newspapers. It is fun to watch Ian Ziering and Tori Spelling acting alongside Hilary Swank (the single mother who helps them all see how fortunate they are, blah blah blah). You'd never guess she'd wind up along side Morgan Freeman someday. Well, on to the review...

JAMIE SUCKS

Everyone congratulates Gary on finding the Hidden Immunity Idol, which he says he found "at the Mayan Worship Sheba Tree" or something like that. No one else seems to know what he's talking about. Jamie's not pleased of course, "I think Gary's shady. Everyone else thinks he's a good guy--I don't think he really is," he frets to the viewers. Then he belabors the fact that Gary is the one who voted for Cindy, "He did it to confuse our group," he insists to a bored Cindy, "THis was a coup d'etat, with LBJ waiting in the wings!" Cindy and Steph are skeptical of the idea that Gary had any grand design when he threw a vote at Cindy, however. Jamie sighs, "Why would anyone vote for YOU!? Think about it!" Cindy doesn't appreciate Jamie's implication that she's not a threat to anybody and shoots back, "It's one vote, woop-de-doodle." So Cindy is the anti-Lex. Cindy then complains to the sympathetic camera that Jamie always stirs up stuff after Tribal Council and she's mad that Jamie got mad because she wasn't mad at Gary. You see, Survivor really IS just Junior High School with a million-dollar payout at the end. Jamie then laces in Gary for lying to him--he insist that Gary told him he was gonna vote for Brandon the other night when he instead voted for Jamie. It would have been more topical, and more TRUE to bring up the fact that Gary said he was gonna vote however Jamie voted tonight but instead voted for Cindy, except that Jamie misheard Gary and still seems to think that Gary said he was gonna vote for him. Gary denies ever saying he would vote for Brandon, which cause Jamie to insist that the two men will now have to fight it out because Gary just called him a liar, even though it was Jamie who initiated the conversation by calling GARY a liar. God, Jamie sucks. And no, he doesn't have any class. Whatsoever. Gary speaks the truth, "Jamie, maybe you don't hear so well." Yogi Judd tries to calm Jamie down, "Ay, Boo Boo, AH din't hear Gary call ya a liar, man." Jamie does the think he did when called out Bobby Jon, where he keeps saying they should drop it, but he continues to hurl insults and accusations. He ends the conversation by telling Gary, "Hey, I'm mad too, just like you." Gary shrugs, "I'm not mad." Nope, Gary continues to be cool as a cucumber. I imagine when you've been hit by 300 pound linemen for years, getting yelled at doesn't really raise your blood-pressure anymore. Even Jamie's bestest buddy Judd is beginning to get nervous, and is only the latest in a long line to wonder if Jamie's actually "losin' it" out in the jungle.

LYDIA SUCKS

The Reward Challenge is a team competition. THe eight remaining Survivors will be split up into two teams of four, and will compete in this race where two players are tied together and must climb and crawl over obstacles and run in a mud pit and bring back these big jars or corn until the bring bag enough corn to fill this jug. The reward is a helicopter ride to this dude Louie's house, where they'll eat, shower, and drink Folger's Coffee!!! Yay, I actually love the blatant product placement rewards. Everyone ooohs and aaahs, "Oh, Folger's Coffee! How can we be so lucky!" The teams are set up like this: Judd and Gary are a team with Steph and Danni, while Rafe and Jamie are teamed with Cindy and Lydia (teams were picked at random.) Rafe and Jamie get off to a pretty good lead, but it all goes to hell when Lydia is thrown into the mix. She can barely walk in the mud, let alone climb and race, and she drags the team down until they lose by a huge margin. Jamie goes all psycho again like he did when he was vexed by the unbangable rock weeks ago, and orders Cindy and Lydia to continue back with the pot of corn and finish the race, as the other team jumps up and down in victory. Cindy yells at Jamie to shut up and Rafe calms Jamie down by rubbing his chest. Really!

The winners are whisked away on a helicopter and we get the usual rhapsodizing about helicopters, winning, food, being clean etc. Louie greets them and they all go swimming after showering off all the mud and Steph raves about how these three are the absolute most coolest people from the tribe that she could possibly imagine spending time with. For the record, as I write this, she has already helped to oust two of them from the game. So that's what it means for you if Steph claims to like you. She also sounds a bit conceited when she says Danni and her have so much in common because Danni is a "cool, awesome chick." Judd strips his shorts off in front of everybody and skinny-dips, which elicits much laughter from Danni and Steph. Danni is unintentionally hilarious when she says, as though it were actually amazing to her, "Steph likes to eat even more than I do!" So what, she eats five crackers a day to your four? Steph pauses for a moment during lunch to say, "I think the producers need a good segue for when they show what the losers are doing so...poor Lydia, I'll bet she feels like crap." CUT TO:

Rafe, Cindy and Jamie sit dejectedly around a tree, forcing corn meal down their throats as Lydia chirps, "You guys, I feel sooo baaad. You guys got a big leeeead and I lost it, I fell sooo baad. And you guys could have had a bath...and you could have had a helicopter ride...and you could have some reeeeally nice fooood, and some pajamas to sleep in and a reeeally nice bed to sleep in, and some coffeeeeeee in the morning--" Rafe laughs bitterly (well, bitter for Rafe, so it was also kindly) "Lydia, I really don't need to hear this right now." Later, Jamie has a confab with Rafe in which he gives Rafe his "Word As A Man" that if Rafe trusts him, Jamie will take him to the Final Three with him and Judd. Rafe's trust in Jamie is illustrated thusly: he blows him off with an "Uh, I'll think about it." He tells us, "I've almost given up trying to figure out Jamie's strategy in this game. He's constantly freaking out. He's kinda losing it, almost." Jamie once again obsesses over impending betrayal, "I just don't want to get suckered, dude! Don't sucker me!" Rafe rolls his eyes, "Alright, already!"

GARY TRIES SOME PLAYCALLING

Back at the Reward Mansion, Gary decides to take this opportunity to hang out with Shazaam!'s Jersey power couple, Judd and Steph and lobby them to take him and Danni further in the game than Cindy and Lydia, who Gary insists are undeserving and at the same times insists that they would be unbeatable in the Final Two, which I don't think is even remotely true of Lydia. Steph is conflicted, especially when Gary and Danni express their desire to evict the increasingly volatile and un predictable man-child Jamie, which Steph has been thinking about for days. Judd is not even remotely affected by Gary's pitch though. Even though he really likes Gary and Danni, he's determined to stick with his alliance, no matter how hard it will be to get rid of people he likes. Gary, Steph and Danni all share abed that night, while Judd sleeps on some pillows on the floor. Some reward THAT is, but Judd doesn't seem to mind. The next morning, everyone does a five-mute commercial for Folger's Crystals, and they gush about it's great taste and the many different varieties available. Then they get an even bigger reward: they get to see videotapes of their loved ones. Everyone bursts into tears before they even start watching the damn things. We see Judd's adorable daughter and his pretty wife, neither of whom has his strong accent. His brudduh-in-law is more what you'd expect. We see Danni's parents and her dog and then Steph's very large (and surprisingly dweeby) family. One of Steph's brothers calls, "Go Jets!" which cracks Steph up. I'll bet she's not laughing now, considering how bad they suck this year. Lastly we meet Gary's wife and daughters. His twelve-year-old says, "Hi, Dad. I hope you haven't gotten hit in the head with a coconut but if you have, Hi, I'm Jamie and I'm your daughter!" Nice amnesia joke, I like it. When the winners return to camp, they wisely make no mention of the videotapes the others missed out on. It's possibly that they did mention it and we didn't see that, but you know the others would all start bitching about it, especially Lydia, who's always in martyr mode. They do bring back coffee, which thrills coffeephile Cindy. Jamie asks Judd if there was any strategy talk, and Judd lies and says no. Then he adds, "I wouldn't lie to you," which of course makes it clear that he is, though Jamie doesn't seem to notice Judd's desperation. Plus, I think Judd's only lying here to keep the peace--he has no intention of turning on Jamie. But elsewhere, Steph braids Danni's hair in an ominous and cliched show of friendship...

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

The Immunity Challenge sticks to the rope theme of the Reward Challenge. Everyone has to do this obstacle course that involves balance beams and climbing structures, all while unwinding themselves from a rope their each attached to. It's a two-part challenge. The first part is the balance beam deal. Jeff goads Lydia as she tries at first to hustle, "Lydia doesn't want to be last YET AGAIN, good luck with that." I love that you can tell Jeff doesn't think Lydia deserves to be this far in the game either. Naturally, Lydia quickly reverts into suck-mode. Judd's size gives him trouble, and he's unable to do very well either. Jeff praises Gary as he calmly figures out how to get free from the rope--cool in the pocket as the obstacle shows blitz. Rafe, Jamie, Steph and Cindy advance to the next round. Interesting that Cindy outperforms Gary here, despite his earlier insistence that she doesn't belong here. Just sayin'. In the next round, Cindy loses her lead at the very last moment to MVP Rafe, who continues to be an all-star when it comes to competitions. He wonders if he should tone it down to appear less of a threat, but his tribe seems to not be threatened at all by the smart, sweet, superstar, hopefully because he's so sweet and self-effacing, but probably because he's gay. Well, as long as it helps Rafe get further in the game, go prejudice!

JAMIELOO

Gary's ouster is such a lead-pipe cinch that even the ever-juking, ever-hustling Gary is resigned to his fate, "At least I went out fighting," he sighs, "You never know..." Yes, you never know when someone on Survivor is going to engineer their own demise and that's what happens when Jamie goes and selfulfills all those prophesies of doom he's been making. First, he twitches over to Judd, the most solid ally he has and demands reassurance, "We're solid, right, you'd tell me if it was me, right? It's me...right? Don't sucker me, don't sucker me! the sky is falling, the sky is fallin!" Judd rolls his eyes and send him along. Judd thinks Jamie may get one vote from Gary tonight, and that's it. Jamie insists that Judd remember that Rafe is Steph's "lapdog," as he goes off to annoy Cindy. He tells us that he fells no one perceives him as the threat he truly is, and that his sole focus is keeping the Magic Six together, "I'm working that angle a LOT," he smiles, his crazy eyes all a-twinkle with pride. Uh...yeah, Jamie, we know. Jamie goes to Cindy and runs down Steph, saying he's not sure he can trust her, does Cindy trust her, he doesn't trust her. Cindy sighs and assures him that they all have a good thing going and why would they change that? She sighs to the camera wearily, "Jamie's paranoia is getting OLD." A symbolic snake slithers into view to alert us to impending betrayal...

Jamie ropes Rafe into a game of "mancala," which has nothing to do with homosexual sex, despite it's name. Jamie frets and tells Rafe that he's scared and Rafe tells him to stop being scared and to stop freaking out because it freaks everybody else out. He then comically imitates Jamie for the audience, "Are you gonna stick with the six, I think we should stick with the six, are you sure you're gonna stick with the six, we have to stick with the six." Jamie whines to Rafe again, "You're not gonna vote for me tonight, are you?" Rafe snaps, "No, but if you ask me again, I might." :) Then he goes to Lydia and confides that Jamie is driving her nuts. Lydia wants to stick with the plan, because doing otherwise would involve her actually doing something, and Lydia does not do things. When Rafe presses her she worries, "Well, have you talked to Boss Steph about this? Because I don't...I don't even know what to say!" Lydia also feels indebted to Jamie because he took up for her when the tribe was considering dumping her instead of Lydia's nemesis, Brianna. Who I may have misjudged. Stephs spidey sense must've been tingling, because she come over and asks what's up. Rafe tells her they've been talking about eliminating Jamie tonight, and Steph doesn't appear remotely shocked at this suggestion as she says, "Mmmm-hmmm, I'm in on that but...Gary's a smooth operator." Rafe insists that they should do Jamie tonight. Steph nods, "That's what my heart says too." Lydia's baffling reaction is to look at Steph with her big needy eyes and say, "You want Jamie gone, right boss?" Uh, Lydia...what the hell did they both JUST say! YES! CLEARLY! Steph isn't taking sole-responsibility on this one, she replies, "Only if you do." Lydia bites her lip and frets, "Uh...I don't actually...do stuff, boss." We are left to wonder if Lydia will actually take part in an exciting game shake-up as we head to Tribal Council

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Bobby Jon enters the jury box, clean and sparkly and gorgeous. He's wearing a disco-worthy ensemble of orange dress shirt over white pants and looks not-unlike Shawn Cassidy in his glory days ("...come on everybody, get down, get with it..."). I wish I had a gym locker so I could adorned it with a magazine pin-up of Disco Bobby Jon! Ahem. Anyway, Steph confirms that Gary was supposed to go home the day before, and she says that made it extra-special to spend time with him after the reward challenge. Danni confirms that she's probably going home next week. Judd raves about Gary, "Gary is an adult, man. I try to be a man, I feel like a little kid. He's a man's man, man. I gotta give it to him." Oh, Judd. He claims that Gary's demeanor has led Judd to try to keep his cool around camp. He also says that tonights vote is going to be the hardest yet, and it's clear that even though he just raved about the guy, he's more than willing to give the heave-ho. Gary looks sad and worried. Jamie says that all the votes will be hard from now on, and praises everyone for having "super hearts." He continues to appear drunk and/or stoned, as he did last week, as he drawls, "You can go crazy out here, I believe." When Jamie goes to cast his vote, he insists that "It's either you or me," and he's been so obnoxiously paranoid that I found myself getting angry at him for saying this, even though it was FINALLY actually true. Jamie goes down 6 votes to 2, leaving a stunned Judd to wonder what the hell just happened and why wasn't he told. Unlike classy Bobby Jon, Jamie causes a scene, yelling, "Blindsided, nice! Now THAT'S how you vote someone out!" THen he shuffles off dejectedly and mutters, "Later." Jamie illustrates a Survivor truism: If you want to stick around, first and foremost, don't be an ass. In his Family moment, we see his mom and two other people...it was dull. I wish they'd tell us who these people are instead of "Jamie's Family." In a really odd editing decision, we do not get a reaction shot of Bobby Jon at anytime during Tribal, except for when he first walked in. It would've been nice to see his reaction to Jamie's surprise ouster, but no such luck.

Jamie is ousted in 8th place, which has seen it's share of drama. There wasn't much in season one, when Poor Jenna was finally sent home, but as I've mentioned maybe every time I get to this point, it was at this point in the game where I realized the unique nature of this show: On this program, they vote out their stars. Jenna was a drama queen, and irritated the hell out of me, but as I drove home from work that Thursday evening, it dawned on me that I had no idea how there was gonna be a show without Jenna--of course, they managed. In Australia, Colby and Tina stunned Evil Jerri by ending her reign of terror, while in Africa, bitchy Brandon was ousted despite his very successful attempt at flirting his way into straight-but-vain Lex's good graces. The creepy but forgettable Zoe was dumped in Marquesas, and in Thailand, Ken the New Yawk Cop was ousted for being athletic and not part being part of Porn Star Brian's Band of Stooges. In the Amazon, Deena tried to make a move against Alex, which caused the surprisingly moral Rich Jenna to see to Deena's eviction instead. In the Pearl Islands, the allegedly moral woman-Boy Scout Lill betrayed Good Rupert in order to side with the truly slimy Burton and Johnny Fairplay and in Vanuatu, Brave one-legged Chad was yet another victim of Evil Ami's stupid Lilith Fair Legion. Last season, Jeff talked Janu into refusing to be Tom's hostage and into quitting the game, even though he never forgave Osten for quitting. I didn't MIND losing Janu, since it gave the more-deserving Steph one more week, but Jeff's claim that he didn't influence Janu's decision doesn't really hold water with those of us who watched that night, does it?

Random Loser Fact: Jamie has an identical twin brother named--I kid you not, Ramie. I'm not making that up, I wish I was. He once appeared on All My Children. His favorite magazine is Playboy, but his favorite author is J.K. Rowling. That ain't right.

Peace! :D

Christine