Survivor 12.12 "That's never good, is it now, Jeff?"

TIME TO SHINE ON SHANE

Cirie and Aras spin furiously to shield SHane from the truth about their decision to keep him out of the loop in regards to Courtney's dismissal. They feed him a line that Danielle came up to Aras and Cirie on the say to Tribal Council (when Shane was apparently "unreachable") to tell them that Terry and Courtney were gonna vote for Aras. Shane wants reassurance that Cirie isn't trying to pull a fast one on him, "C'mon now," she says. Which Shane takes as comforting but...she didn't really say anything. Shane says, "So NEXT time Terry wins Immunity, and we vote out Danielle, okay, I'm good." Then he goes on to trash Courtney in camp and rhapsodize over the fact that she's gone, "Couldn't have happened to a loopier broad," he chuckles. Terry meanwhile is majorly miffed about Danielle's betraying him, "This is my fifth failure to get the numbers I so desperately covet, despite the fact that I don't actually need them because I keep winning Immunity and I have the Immunity Idol in my back pocket. We shook hands! I was lied to!" You won a car! You're going to the Final Four no matter what happens next! Why do you keep whining when you keep winning? Terry sniffs that if Danielle is next on the chopping block, it's fine with him, so nyah.

REWARD AND REVENGE

Jeff informs the gang that the Reward Challenge will be one of this epic obstacle courses that incorporates bits from challenges past, and it will be in stages, so one Survivor will be eliminated at each task until there's one winner. The Reward involves "love," and everyone gets excited because they know they're playing for time with their loved ones, no doubt. The first challenge has then digging up a bag out of the sand, and Shane is first one out, surprise surprise. The camera zooms in on Shane's "Boston" tattoo, as IF anyone who's watched this season could possibly ever forget that Shane's son is named Boston and he's a complete wreck over the subject. That's not leaving my brain, like ever. That's stuck up there forever with the names of the kids on "Eight Is Enough" and the words to the "Diff'rent Strokes" theme. Anyway, Cirie is unable to untie a large wooden snake from a jungle gym. The players that move on, by the way, have to carry all this crap with them, so they're weighted down with the bag and the snake as thy to untie a big smelly fish from the floor of a pond--that is Dani's undoing. Finally, Terry narrowly beats Aras, to win YET AGAIN. *Yawn* *Groan* *Sigh* Then Jeff unveils the loved ones. Terry's wife Trish appears, and Terry cries. Aras' mom Teresa appears, shouting "You rock, baby!" and Aras cries. Danielle's mom Denise appears, and Danielle cries. Cirie's doofy-looking husband HB appears, and Cirie cries. Boston appears, and Shane falls to his knees and starts wailing--the kid gets teary, but he's clearly waaaay more stable than his Dad, and he's probably had to be. And it must be said: Boston bears an uncanny resemblance to a young Jodie Foster, circa "Candleshoe." Terry is then giving the task of "doling out the love," which isn't as dirty as it sounds. There are two over night visits with a private room at a hotel, one overnight visit to camp, one hug, and one person who has to go to Exile Island and NOT get to touch their loved one. Terry gives the cushy visit to himself, obviously (and I'm not knocking him here, he did win) and he gives the other visit to an overwhelmed Shane, who would probably, you know, EAT Terry if he hadn't been allowed to re-bond with his kid. HB will spend the night on the Island with his wife, Cirie, and instead of sending his ol' standby Aras to Exile again, he gives him a hug from his mom and instead punishes Danielle for changing her mind about their alliance. She's bummed, but the tough chick seems to take in stride.

On Exile Island, Danielle fares much better then she and Austin did when it rained for two straight days. She tells us, 'Tuh be dat close tuh muh muthuh, an' not get tuh even hug 'eh, dat really sucks." She chops a coconut, in lieu of Terry's head and continues, "He'll get his, ah don' cayuh, an' ah'm not gonna sit aroun' an' cry abow it." Then she trash talks to a disinterested woodpecker that she doesn't have to share her coconut with anybody. Way to accentuate the positive, Danielle.

At the Gypsy Camp, Cirie shows a rather horrified HB how his wife has been living for the last month. She explains that snails taste okay when you're hungry, for example. He is thus relieved when he discovers her jar of "snail butts" is fish bait, not a midnight snack. "Do I smell"" she wonders. "Yeah. But that's okay," he answers honestly. He's mortified again when Aras and Cirie tell him that what he assumed was a basin of dirty feet-soaking water is actually what the Survivors have been drinking. HB's reactions give Cirie a boost, as she realizes how far she's come since SHE first got to the Island. "I think I've underestimated myself for 35 years," she decides, "There's no limit to what I can do!" *Cue "I'm Every Woman"* I HOPE that means you can win the Million Dollars, Cirie, 'cause that would ROCK.

Meanwhile, at the really nice resort, Shane and Terry revel in the pizza, ice cream, soda and booze. There's really a LOT of booze there, considering one of the guests is a 13 year old kid. Trish frets when she gets a good look at her slimmed down hubby. He's quite happy with his physique, "This is me, like, in 1978!" *Cue 'Summer Nights" from "Grease"* Trish is not happy, "I've never seen him look so emaciated and worn out! I can't wait to get him back to his hot-looking, studly self!" I was kind of shocked at Trish's reaction, because Terry is undisputedly hunky right now, by like, any definition, and then I remembered, she's Terry's soul mate, so naturally, she'd complain even though anyone in her position would be grateful. Elsewhere, Shane gives a weary Boston a play by play of his time on the Island, while Terry shows off his Immunity Idol to Trish. If he tells her about the brand spankin' new SUV he's won for them, it's not shown on camera, because...I don't know! Is it a secret!? At dinner, Shane is amused by Trish's attempts to play the game on behalf of her man. She baits him with a theory that it will be all men in the Finals, and Shane offers that he and Cirie plan to get rid of Aras, because Shane can't shut up to save his life. Both he and Terry seem confident that Danielle will be out of the game shortly, so Trish says, "If I were her, I'd be looking for that Hidden Idol." Shane laughs, "Uh, Duh lady, it's in your husband's bag." She lies and says that Terry hasn't said anything about it to her. So Danielle can't lie, but your wife can, right? Anyway, Shane's not buying it. The very IDEA that Terry still thinks that he can pull off this "Maybe I have it, maybe I don't" thing, really ticks me off. If he wanted to keep it a secret, fine, but he's told half the people out here, and he's hinted to the rest, and it's like, dude, enough already. You're not that clever. By his own admission, he's been an utter failure at the strategy/political side of the game, but his athleticism has pulled him thru. Later that night, rational-beyond-his-years Boston tries to calm down a weepy Shane, "It's only 7 more days dad." Then he tells us, 'My dad is really cool and fun. He's like, a big kid. He's more like a brother than a father to me." I really, really, REALLY hope young Boston has some adult support in his life...

BACK TO REALITY

The next morning, Cirie and Aras make HB do all their chores so they can rest up for the next challenge. "We just woke up already!" HB complains. But, he's actually happy to help, even bringing himself to drink the wretched brown water she's grown used to. He's quite proud of her, and American women everywhere get emotional as they watch HB unable to fight back tears as he praises his woman. Awwww. Cirie is refocused on bringing home the bacon, and giving her family the better life she wants for them.

HB leaves, and shortly after, Shane and Terry return. Aras asks Terry if he slept well and Terry leers, "I didn't sleep AT ALL, man. I totally SCORED last night!" I hate Terry. I really, really do. Then he gets under Aras' skin by insisting that all his decisions about dividing up the love were easy to make, and no-brainers because a 24 year old who wants to see her mother is outranked by anyone who wants to see their spouse, it's just that simple and obvious and the only right way to look at things. Aras disagrees, "It was just as important to ME to see my Mom as it was to YOU to see your wife, Terry." Terry shakes his head, "No, dude, you don't get it, you can't SCORE with your mom, so wives always trump mothers. Someday, when you're a little older, you'll understand what I'm trying to say." Aras gets emotional, and Terry is thrilled, "I liked when that mama's boy Aras came a little unglued--you can bet I'm gonna exploit that little weakness with the same success I've had in all my other interpersonal dealings since the Merge." So you know he won't. Aras insists, "Terry's just re-lit the fire of my rage and dedication and competitive nature--it just makes me want to beat him more!" Oh, so do it already then, Aras.

SIGH...IMMUNITY CHALLENGE TIME...SIGH

The players gather for Terry's next victory. Danielle returns from Exile Island and is quite chipper, "Ah feel great, duh weathuh was great, it was awesome." Terry pouts, "Nuh uh! I'm the only one who's ever enjoyed Exile Island, you're lying! I may have even, possibly found the Immunity Idol. Or not, I'm not saying I have it, even though I've shown it to you. I sent you there to punish you, damn it!" Terry then graciously loans Jeff his Immunity Necklace again. The challenge has all five Survivors standing out in the water on a perch with a bucket on a rope. They have to fill the bucket with water, pull it up, without losing their balance, and then pour the water into this shoot near the base of the perch. As this shoot fills with water, a flag raises from the shoot, which they have to grab. It's the most phallic Survivor challenge, EVUH. Get your pole to rise! Everyone does very well and its pretty competitive--don't get me wrong, Terry still kicks their asses, but at least, you know, they tried. Except Shane. Shane is his usual burned-out self. He spends most of the challenge pouring his water into the "wrong hole" even though...is there more than one hole, I don't see why there would be. "Shane just now figuring out the challenge," Jeff taunts. Shane, loving the attention, bellows, "That's never good, is it now, Jeff?" Sigh...Terry wins Immunity. He whoops with glee and does an idiotic and dangerous back flip off the perch. "Shaddap,"Shane grouses, quickly doing an idiotic flip of his own. everyone follows suit except wise Cirie, who climbs down the ladder like a sane person. Shane repeats Jeff's ominous warning in his "commercial announcer" voice, "For one of you, the game will end tonight--dum dum DUM." It's funny. For more reasons than one :)

THE CURSE OF TERRY CONTINUES

Everyone drags back into camp to begin their pre-Tribal Council plotfest. "that was nerve-wracking," Cirie sighs. "It was FUN!" Terry replies, never missing an opportunity to demoralize and insult anyone. He beams in his diary session, "I have the secret Idol, so even though I have this HUGE target on my back [everyone take one drink] I don't even have to SHOW UP for the next challenge, I can just kick back--it's so righteous, man." And you know that's not true, you know Terry's gonna play just as hard to win next time just to show off what a man he is. The worst part? He's right. He's totally set. He sidles up to Shane, who tells him Danielle is next, and Terry is very cool with that, since she betrayed him, or whatever. Shane feels that he's as totally set as Terry is. The two men watch Danielle as she sits alone, staring sadly off into the ocean, as if to say, "Ah know I'm goin' home, so don' talk tuh me right now." Shane starts analyzing her for Terry, "SHe's a total princess, man. She probably gets everything she wants from daddy or the boyfriend," he snorts. Terry then predicts that it will be the two of them in the Finals and Shane allows, "My guess is it's gonna go down that way, yes." A few weeks ago I would say that Shane is just shining Terry on, but now we know from how things have played out that Shane has a tendency to just spill the truth, strategy be damned. Then...UGH. We have to sit through Terry's rough draft of the speech he's gonna give in the Finals, "I think I can beat Shane--or anyone else, for that matter. My record speaks for itself: I work harder in camp then anyone, I go fishing, I fetch water, I make fires, I teach everyone how to do everything, and let's not forget I've had this HUGE target on my back the whole time I was out here and I stayed alive by winning every single individual Immunity Challenge, PLUS I found the secret Immunity Idol and never had to use it! How can anyone NOT vote for someone who's so superior to them?" I really think my main problem with Terry is he thinks he's above the game. And you all KNOW how I feel about people who think doing their damn camp chores means jack squat in Survivor.

However, the Curse of Terry continues. Nick, Austin, Sally, Bruce, Courtney. Terry has formed alliances with them all, and all have fallen. Now Shane is Terry's latest victim! In a semi-stunning turn of events, we learn that Aras, Danielle and Cirie have been planning Shane's ouster at this point for...well, we don't know how long, but there's Aras and Dani, laughing about how Shane's thinks he's controlling everything, but he isn't. Sound familiar? That's the question Shane was the right answer to in the questionnaire Reward Challenge that got Courtney all lathered up. And Shane was the one who told Courtney that none of it meant anything. But who got voted out next? Courtney (after Bruce fell ill), the most annoying poseur on the Island who never shuts up. And who's NEXT on the chopping block? Turns out, it is indeed the man voted "mistakenly believes he's controlling the game." And who's targeting? Aras, Danielle and Cirie--turns out Cirie's assertion that her picking Danielle over Shane to go on the Reward meant nothing wasn't true at all. It ALL means something in Survivor and I LOVE IT! :D Aras feels that his promise to Shane to go all the way to the end together has been voided since he's learned that Shane wanted to take Courtney to the Final Two (thru Cirie, presumably). Aras grins evilly, "I've set Shane up for something like this--he doesn't see it coming. He thinks I'm his little puppy dog and he can make me do whatever he wants." And although Aras can be a little dramatic at times, he's right about this--remember, when Shane went off about Cirie not taking him on the aforementioned reward, he later boasted that he had flipped out in order to manipulate them into reaffirming their bond. In other words, he really does think everyone's dancing to his tune. Those pulling for a Shane ouster had slight reason to fear when we cut from Danielle gushing about how she trusts Cirie with her life, to Cirie fretting about Danielle's friendship with jurors Courtney, Bruce and Austin. I think she's overestimating Dani's sway with the jury, but we'll see. Before everyone heads out, Shane does a mini staged paranoia freak-out, in order to get assurances from Aras and Cirie that they're not going to backstab him, and the lie to him and he believes them. Shane confidently tells America that he can beat anyone in the Final Two and that he's totally safe tonight. "He can't defend against this one," Aras grins, after returning Shane's fake, suck-up "we're in the Final Four" congratulatory hug with a faux smile of his own.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

The jury is brought in, and Sally's toned down the make-up a little bit, which is good. A still fuming Courtney is brought in, and she kisses her index and middle finger and then flashes a peace sign likes she all gangsta, yo. Cirie stifles a laugh at Courtney's continued pathetic posturing. Then Jeff brings up how Terry had to make the decisions about "who got love" at the Reward Challenge, and again, instead of behaving like a sensitive person--or at least like a politically savvy person--and saying that it was difficult to do, knowing how important people's families are to them, etc., Terry brags, "Well, it's always hard, I guess, when you're put in the GOD position, but did it very well, thank me very much. I rewarded by good ol' buddy Shane here, and I screwed over Nancy--oops, I mean Aras, and I REALLY gave it to that duplicitous bitch, Danielle--who had an awful time on Exile Island no matter WHAT she says! So it all worked out okay." Then Cirie charms the jury as she relates how HB was ready to go home after his day and night in Camp Gitano. Then Shane moves love-struck Courtney to tears as he does his 27th variation of "I love my kid so much it HURTS." Terry beams, already banking on Shane's being forever grateful to him for giving him time with Boston. When Aras tries to save face in regards to his utter inability to beat Terry at ANYTHING, by saying "It just makes the competition more fun," the ever respectful-of-others Terry mugs for the jury and rolls his eyes with all the maturity of a nine-year-old girl. Aras then tries to do the Chaosa "It just takes one crack, one loss and Terry's gone" shuffle, but Jeff shuts him down, "Dude, enough with that crap, he's kicked your ass EVERY time." Aras is undaunted, "Jeff, I shouldn't have to remind you, since you've been doing this show since I was like, in High School, bro: Challenges are just one part of this game, and it doesn't mean much if you don't win people over." Which is TRUE, but Terry's already got Sally, Austin and, I'm pretty sure, Bruce, totally snowed.

Jeff starts asking people about how honest a game they've played, and Shane claims to have never lied in the game...is that possible? We've never seen him tell Danielle he wasn't voting for her when he did...his problem REALLY has been that he shares to much. I thought he was lying to Terry early on when he said the Final Four was going to be him (Shane), Courtney, Aras and Cirie, but that's been revealed to indeed be how Shane wanted things to go, so...damn. If anyone can remember Shane lying, let me know. I mean, he was all lovey dovey to Dani at the BBQ, but that was just reaffirming Final Five, which he would have stuck to had Terry not kept winning Immunity. When Jeff asks Danielle about HER lies, Courtney follows Terry's childish lead and actually, literally sticks out her tongue. Man, is she annoying. Danielle gets rather defensive and indignant, and insists that it's completely legit to change your alliances and betray people, once you've learned that those people are planning or even thinking about betraying you. Which is absolutely true, despite Shane rolling HIS eyes and mocking her behind her back as she says this. She finishes, "Yuh have tuh make moves tuh futhuh yuhself--dat's duh whole point of dis game, isn't it?" It sure enough is. In Survivor, he who hesitates is lost. Finally, Jeff calls attention to Shane's antics during the Immunity Challenge. The jury laughs (oh, that rascal Shane), as Jeff relates how Shane was the only person not working particularly hard during the challenge, and that he was messing around and making jokes and just generally behaving like someone who isn't all that worried about being voted off tonight. Shane agrees, "I feel like I'm being carried to the end because everyone thinks they can beat me," he over-shares, as per usual. He touts Cirie's status as warm, caring nurturer, and then patronizes a "steaming with barely suppressed rage" Aras by saying, "Aras, the Golden Boy here, he could levitate home if he wanted to, God love him," and adds, "I might have a little more rust on me." Danielle laughs, eagerly anticipating Shane's impeding shocking ouster. The tribe votes, and the votes are read, and the Tribal Council cave rings with the sounds of jaws hitting the floor. Shane is voted out 3-1-1 (Terry pig-headedly throws his vote away on Aras, even though he thought the vote was heading towards Danielle). Courtney buries her head in her hands, Bruce stares with his mouth agape, while Sally and Austin cover their mouths to stifle their gasps of surprise. Terry hangs his head with a gesture of, "Are you KIDDING me, I sucked up to that dirtbag for nothing?" Cirie offers Shane an apologetic look, while Aras beams with angry pride. Shane then annoys Jeff by interrupting his "The Tribe Has Spoken," to taunt Danielle with, "I'm gonna have a chocolate ice-cream bar in like ONE MINUTE!" You know what Shane's not gonna have? A million dollars and the title of Soul Survivor. And it couldn't have happened to a loopier dude :) As Shane departs, Terry demeans himself by giving Shane a military salute, in order to continue with the blatant brown-nosing. Ugh, he's insufferable. Then he starts shaking his head for the jury's benefit, to say, "I can't believe what a bunch of backstabbers these guys are!" Here's the thing, and it probably doesn't matter to the jury, so whatever, but: True, Terry hasn't done anything TO anyone else, but what, in a GAME sense, has he done FOR anyone else? And why is ousting Shane any more of a betrayal than ousting Danielle? Because Terry has Immunity, they've HAD to turn on one another. Someone has to go, and nobody's gonna be happy about it, but that's the way the Alliance crumbles...

SUPER COOL FINAL FOUR FACT!!

With the Final Four set: Aras, Cirie, Danielle and Terry, isn't it cool, and rather amazing, that they represent each of the four original tribes!? Younger Men, Aras. Older Men, Terry. Older Women, Cirie. Younger Women, Danielle. I just think that's neat.

Shane is voted out in 5th place, where he joins poor, dumb, Dr. Sean, who always thought he was going to the end with Hatch and then gave up brain doctoring to be an actor. In Australia, we bade farewell to decent, fatherly Rodger and in Africa, Teresa aka T-Bird's luck finally wore out, as she was unable to crack open the power alliance. In the Marquesas, mouthy Sean was sent to the jury box, while in Thailand, a stunned Ted, who always thought Brian was going to take him to the end, wound up betrayed and bitter. In the Amazon, America rejoiced as bitchy and conceited Heidi was taken out of the game, and it was a place of joy once again when the women of the Pearl Islands banded together briefly in order to eliminate arrogant Burton from the game for a second time. In Vanuatu, Jeff Probst's extremely young girlfriend Julie was betrayed by Chris on his route to victory and in Palau, opinionated Caryn was put out of the game by Tom and Ian, once she ran out of use to them. Last season, Cindy won a car, and not giving everyone else one instead led to her ouster.

RANDOM EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Shane's bio isn't nearly as interesting as he it--his acting career isn't mentioned, focusing on his marketing company and club management gigs. Anyway, he thinks he could've gone all the way because he's a "physical threat," guffaw, and due to his "unmatched communication skills." If that means yelling insults at people and text messaging imaginary people, okay then. He's also a big fan of "The O'Reilly Factor." In his exit speech, he cheerfully apologizes to Boston for not winning the million--he actually seems pretty calm about the whole thing. I just hope he pulls out the crazy mask for the Final Tribal Council, and makes a wacky speech.

Next up: Terry isn't going anywhere, though I can't imagine him not trying to win just to be the only person to never lose an individual Immunity challenge and prove how great he is and rub it in everyone's face. The previews show Danielle and Terry bonding together, which would probably doom Aras, though Cirie is the real threat. Aras and Cirie are pretty tight, but would Cirie be willing to force a tie-breaker? That's some risky business right there. Especially since Terry can win Immunity and then give his Idol to Danielle on it's last day of usefulness. I wish the Idol wore off BEFORE the Final Four, but then, Terry probably will never use it. Also, I wish I remembered all the tie scenarios. Doesn't a tie wipe out Immunity? Hmmm....

FINAL FOUR PREDICTION: Since there's no way for me to get a review out of the next episode before the Finale on Sunday (due to Mother's Day plans), here goes. Actually, it's all good since we ARE at the Final Four before the Finale--which has been done before I THINK. I think Aras is doomed next week. Cirie is a bigger threat with the jury, but I don't see Terry picking up on that, he wants to take out Aras at all costs. I want Cirie to win SO BAD, so I'm going to predict that she wins the Final Challenge, and elects to take Danielle with her. I really fear that Terry has the bulk of the jury locked up, unless Courtney simmers down. I'm hoping Cirie surprises at the Final challenge because she's given birth, so she knows she can endure pain and discomfort for a couple hours, for a million dollars? C'mon now. And Yes, I hate smug Terry so much that I'd rather smug Aras win. I can't imagine the jury giving the money to Danielle. She's played a better game than you'd think at first glance, but there's no way the jury wants to say "Danielle beat us." She's really the best bet to be sitting next to for the other three. So I'm desperately hoping for Cirie, and already bracing for Terry, who I'm sad to say has a pretty good lock on things. We know it's LIKELY he wins Final Immunity unless its the quiz--oh, gosh, wouldn't it be great if the Final Immunity Challenge was the quiz where they have to show what they've learned about their fellow tribe mates by LISTENING to them!? That's be sweet. And wouldn't it be fitting if Cirie, the only mother to make the Merge, were to win on Mother's Day? Sigh. We'll just have to see...

Peace Out!

Christine :D