Survivor 12.3 "Please, actually, could nobody else sit on my thinking seat?"

TEACHER, TEACHER

Fresh from days of endless hours of kata practice and searching for the NEXT Immunity Idol, Bruce is welcomed into the dysfunctional Casaya fold. Bruce is very, how shall we say, enamored of his myriad skills. Bruce tells the group that he's taught wilderness survival for 30 years so, "You just got the most important person of everybody." This deeply offends Shane, who may not have any discernable skills, but dammit, HE'S the most important person of everybody--it's tattooed on his ass. Bruce then gives us his resume--34 years of teaching high school, 19 years teaching backpacking and 40 years teaching kuh-rah-TAY. Shane the pot refers to Bruce the kettle as being neurotic and irritating, while everyone else does seem to be enthralled by Bruce's imparting. He tells them they can make their water 90% pure without boiling it by straining it through three T-shirts first. Courtney is very suspicious of this method, even though you'd think something that odd would be right up her alley. She's taken wilderness survival and never heard of this method (I found it in my "Worst Case Scenario: Travel Handbook) and when Bruce says it will get most of the impurities out but not all, she snaps, "Yeah, it WON'T!" Maybe since she's a fire dancer, she doesn't like to see fire's place in the tribe being usurped by some smelly old t-shirts. Seriously, that's all I could think about, aren't their shirts all disgusting by now? But everyone drinks the water and no one gets sick. It seems everyone except SHane is happy to have Bruce around, and he overstates things, "My arrival was greeted with great joy and my new tribe felt I was a gift from heaven! I was last picked, and now I'm emerging as top of the tribe." I'm not sure Bruce has ever watched the show because he doesn't seem to be worried about his tribe sucking up all of his knowledge and then giving him the heave-ho when they've used him up--just ask Rupert.

TOO BAD WE DON'T HAVE A SPEAR, SALLY

At La Mina, everyone's very hungry. Ruth Marie helps prepare the snail stew, which Misty refuses to eat. I can relate, which is reason 26 why I'll never go on Survivor: snail stew. Nick and Austin attempt to use what Nick calls their "medieval tools and minimal knowledge to catch some fish, and he celebrates when he catches a good-sized fish...but then it starts to puff out. "That's kinda freaky," Nick mutters. Sadly it's also kinda poisonous, so they've wasted hours of time on catching something they can't eat. Then, Captain Terry catches a small "nemo" of a fish, and everyone exalts in the few bites the catch affords each of them. It really lifts their spirts and Sally feels that if they could just catch one or two of those a day, they'd be it great shape. Hey Sally, you know what would make catching two fish a day a heck of a lot easier? A spear. I'm just saying....

REWARD AND EXILE

The tribes gather together on Reward Beach, and Jeff asks how Bruce is fitting in. Aras, Bobby and Danielle build up Bruce's place in the tribe, rhapsodizing about his skills, his attitude, and how his addition to their ranks has vastly improved their morale. For a wonder, Shane says nothing. The reward is a tarp, some lanterns and kerosene, water cans, blankets and rope. The losers will lose someone to Exile Island until the Immunity Challenge. The competition is one where four tribe members stand out on a wood platform and wait for these ball to be catapulted their way by one of the three team members who are the shooters, first person to 5 points wins, and you can jump in the water to catch the ball, but you have to catch it--you can't grab it once it's already hit the water. Anyway, it's a close contest, but Casaya loses and Jeff tells La Mina they get to choose who has to be exiled. They decide that Casaya will crumble without Bruce, so they send him BACK to Exile, which is just cold blooded, and seriously rankles the other tribe. Even Shane seems miffed as she scowls, 'These guys are playing for keeps." I'm certain he won't miss Bruce. And though I feel bad for Bruce, I think the more time he's on Exile Island, the less time he has to frustrate his team with his CONSTANT teaching.

STORMY WEATHER: LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY

Everyone at La Mina is stoked about the Reward they won, especially the kerosene that will give them constant fire. They use the tarp to reinforce their already AWESOME shelter (to hear them tell it) and it's a good thing, because they are hit by a horrific storm. I guess those snails they ate must've been sacred Mayan sacrificial snails. The La Minan's aren't totally evil, and send some good thoughts to Bruce out on Exile Island. Things are so bad on Exile Island it doesn't even make for good television: Bruce spends the whole miserable time huddling for warmth--he isn't able to search for the idol or even do his kata practice.

Meanwhile, at Casaya, the meltdown La Mina predicted is brewing, although...does anyone really believe that Shane wouldn't have a freak out if Bruce were around? It's his raison d'etre. Everyone's bummed about Bruce's exile, especially Courtney, who's all, "They made that, like, evil decision and like, it's like a downer, man." So then...this is such a bizarre event, I feel the need to qualify it by saying this all REALLY happened. Some of you don't watch the show so you might think I'm exaggerating or making stuff up here but this is what REALLY happened: Shane is sitting near the shelter on a rock, and Cirie and Aras are hanging out and Courtney and Danielle are fretting about the water that's boiling on the fire. Shane starts rhapsodizing about how much he loves this rock he's sitting on, and declares, "This is Shane's Thinking Seat." Frankly, I'm surprised it took until the third episode for Shane to discuss himself in the third person. THen he says, "Please, actually, could nobody else sit on my Thinking Seat?" And everyone laughs because he HAS to be joking, right? I mean, it's a rock, and he's a grown man--oh wait, he DID tells us that he was 34 going on 12 and, as it turns out, that was an insult to 12-year-olds. "Why does it get to be yours?" Courtney asks and then Shane screams, "Because I PICKED IT! You want this one? I'll go GET ANOTHER ONE!" And in that moment, his tribe goes from looking happy to looking like cowering children afraid of their drunken dad, Shane who continues, "I want one! This ONE! I just want MINE!!" Uh...yeah. Aras tells us in his confessional, "Our problems our inherent in the personalities of our alliance," or something pretentious that sounds like he's saying something deep, when in fact, he isn't saying anything. Yeah, duh, interpersonal conflict comes from interpersons. Then he says that he's found himself in an alliance with three nutballs. That's right, Aras, mister yoga mind control, thinks Dani is crazier than he is but never mind that because the Shane drama isn't over (it'll never be over). The water continues to be poised precariously over the flames and SHane waddles over (he waddles like a duck) and Courtney, thinking he's come over to help, asks, "Shane whaddaya think?" And Shane shrugs, "I don't know, you got us here, I left it to you," and Courtney sighs, "Yeah, and I asked YOU for help." UGH! Shane is a bully and a jack-ass. Cirie is somewhat amused by the fact that Courtney and Shane got themselves into an alliance before they realized they hate each other's guts. So then Shane "takes over" with the water situation and Courtney offers an opinion about what ever it is he's about to try, "I don't think that's strong enough, do you?" So Shane storms off in a huff like the controlling baby that he is and shouts, "I don't know how I'm gonna get through this with you!" Courtney doesn't know what to do either, "Like, I'm really bummed that Shane is like, picking on me all the time." Shane insists to us that Courtney is the lunatic in the equation, "And I'm stuck with her because I swore on my kid's life to stick with her." Oh, well too bad for you that you're an aggressive moron who made too quick a decision about who to align with. Then Shane goes into the shelter and lays out in a "Christ on the Cross position--arms outstretched, feet crossed. That's exactly what happened. And where was Bobby? Nowhere to be found. Bobby and Ruth Marie never seem to be around when stuff is happening at their respective camps. I think maybe they're super heroes...

MISTY'S MACHINATIONS

Back at La Mina, Sally and Misty try to sell Austin on the idea that of sticking with them instead of Terry and Dan. Misty is concerned about the "Boy's club" she sees in power at camp, so like any liberated woman, she goes about breaking into it by giving Nick and Austin backrubs. Misty tells us, "I'm a natural flirt--some people are just born with it. I didn't come here to sit on my rump!" No sir, she came to SHAKE IT! Sally informs us that Misty has been giving massage's to everyone, but she thinks there's "something extra" in those she gives to Nick and Austin--hey now, watch it Sally. This is a family show. Sally then explains that she and Misty make a great team because Misty flirts with the boys, while Sally is their pal. Sally laughs when Misty suggests playing up the helpless-girl routine to convince Austin and Nick to "carry them" with them into the merge and meanwhile, Austin feels conflicted, because he likes both of the duos who are trying to woo him. I actually like everyone on this tribe too, they seem like good folk.

WELCOME BACK, MR. KATA

Bruce is reunited with his tribe in time to participate in the Most Brutal Immunity Challenge EVUH! Seriously! There are five rings out in the sand, and a bag is buried beneath each ring. Teams go out to dig out the bag and take it back to their finish mat. The teams have to fight over the same bag, and the only rule, basically, is no hitting and choking, but some heard core tackling and wrestling goes on. The first game is between Cirie and Danielle vs. Sally and Misty, and Sally and Misty are not so great a team when it comes to fighting women. It is quite a battle (and the guys look very pleased to watch the girl-on-girl action, as it were) but in the end, the scrum gets closer and closer to the mat at Cirie is able to reach for the mat while her other hand is on the bag. One point for Casaya. In the next round, Nick and Terry best Bobby and Bruce to tie things up. In the third round, Shane, Courtney and Aras take on Ruth Marie, Austin and Dan. Shane essentially assaults Dan, but ultimately it is Austin who bests Shane to win the bag for La Mina. In the most annoying battle, Aras, Cirie and Courtney take on Misty, Sally and Nick. At one point, Jeff has to warn Misty not to choke Aras, and then freakin' Shane starts yelling, "Aras, bring me the bag! BRING ME THE BAG ARAS!" And Aras, probably afraid that Shane will beat him with a belt if he doesn't do as he's told, uses this tickly yoga move on someone's leg and dashes back with the bag while Shane bellows, "I TOLD YOU TO BRING ME THE BAG," as if somehow that helped them win. Oh man, do I hate him. In the deciding match, it's Bobby and Danielle vs. Ruth Marie and Terry. It is a hard-fought challenge, and eventually, Ruth Marie breaks free with the bag and sprints towards home, but Bobby performs a brilliant maneuver, merely grabbing Ruth by her tank-top and pulling her towards HIS mat, so he gets the point. Very well-played. Actually, every single challenge has been hard-fought and close so far. Casaya jumps up and down, while La Mina hangs their heads in defeat.

DECISION TIME

Back at camp, Sally blames their loss on the fact that the other tribe has heftier members, and I think there's some truth in that--Lord knows Judd's size was the deciding factor in several of last season's games. Terry the leader is upset because he really wanted to bring the whole tribe in, complete, to the merge. His language makes it clear he really thinks of himself AS the leader, but I dunno, it doesn't bug me. I like Terry and Dan--I'd be in an alliance with them in a heartbeat. See, this is the problem with Vanuatu's Ami and her notion of having an all-woman alliance being some kind of ideal. If I were say, on the Pearl Islands, and Rupert was gone, I would have gone with the all girl's alliance. Because Burton and Johnny Fairplay were arrogant jerks. But here, you have Terry, Dan, Nick and Austin, who all seem like good guys. They aren't running down the women, they seem very respectful and genuinely concerned for them. In all the complaining about Sally losing the spear, we've yet to hear any jokes about "letting women fish" or what have you. Terry and Dan ask Austin who he feels should go--they're leaning toward Ruth Marie, the physically weakest member of the tribe, but Austin surprisingly suggest Misty, saying she did the worst in this last challenge. Terry sees the sense in this, "She's smart as hell, and could cause trouble." So yeah, it looks like we're gonna lose a third woman in a row, but I personally find it refreshing to see the men looking at a woman as a threat early on. We've never had an all-guy alliance EVER. The two times we've had all men tribes (Amazon and Vanuatu) the men turned against each other IMMEDIATELY after women joined the tribe. A major reason for this is men picking off each other, trying to eliminate physical threats. It's very wise to perceive Misty as an intellectual threat, and get rid of her this early on. The girls, certainly no fans of any kind of sisterhood, lobby Nick to dump Ruth Marie, because she's physically weakest, and Nick and Austin commiserate over having to turn on someone they like. They're not chuckling, they're not enjoying being "power players," they really do seem like decent guys who'd rather not hurt anyone's feelings if they didn't have to. It's refreshing.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Since everyone at La Mina likes and respects one another, it's a pretty dull Tribal Council. Terry downplays the hardship s of the game, Dan praises the "excellent companionship" of the team, and Sally admits she didn't expect to care so much for strangers so soon. When Austin bemoans the fishing situation, Jeff asks about the spear and Austin doesn't call Sally out about it, instead saying they've had and incident with it and it hasn't been much help. An interesting answer, if only because you know Jeff knows what happened to it. Misty admits she thought the tribe would be more fractionalized and is surprised that they're all one team (a political answer, to be sure, since she's WELL aware of the tribe's very civil, but very real factions). Ruth Marie says she does feel vulnerable as the only person in the tribe who joined without a partner from their initial tribes. When Jeff asks Nick how he reached his decision--whether it was his own personal choice or a group decision, he says it was definitely a group adhesion and Sally is floored when Misty goes out in a 5-2 vote. Since Misty had a chance to look for the idol, Jeff asks her if she found it, and Ruth Marie is hella relieved when Misty admits she never found it. She bids a cheerful goodbye to her tribe and in her classy exit interview, she calls her ouster a shock but she realizes she was outwitted and outplayed, she's happy she met so many great people and she hopes her tribe makes it all the way to the end. Gosh, I haven't come up with any kind of punny tribe nicknames, so I may just go with "the sane tribe" and "the crazy tribe."

Misty is evicted in 14th place, where Stacy who sued the show was booted in season one. In the Outback, dear singing Mad Dog was eliminated and in Africa, we lost Carl the dentist to the lazy friendship-necklace gang. In the Marquesas, the beautiful, manly and hardworking hunk Hunter Ellis was thrown out by his ungrateful tribe (but it did help Vecepia win the million, so it's hard to call it a strategy error...it still hurts ME though). In Thailand, we lost Jed, a lazy young dentist you probably don't remember, nor do you remember Daniel aka the last Asian contestant before Bruce. Daniel was on the guy's tribe in the Amazon, and didn't like how Roger smelled. In the Pearl Islands, we were relieved to lose Lill the Boy Scout leader/professional martyr and crybaby, though sadly, that wasn't the last we would see of her, in Vanuatu, we lost Brady the cute FBI agent, and in Palau, we lost Willard, the lawyer who told everyone he was a mailman. Last season, with Brian's help, Goldenboy Blake talked himself out of Guatemala.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

In addition to being an electrical engineer, military-brat Misty was named Miss Texas Teen USA in 1999, which I imagine is quite hard to do in Texas, since they live for, and possibly even kill for that kind of thing down there.
Tonight: For the first time ever, we've started with three female evictions, and it seems likely we'll have a fourth. The men of La Mina are apt to stick together and dump Ruth Marie if they have to, while I think Cirie is out at Casaya unless the idiots in his alliance wise up and oust unstable Shane--hey, none of them swore on THEIR son's lives...

Peace,

Christine :)