Survivor 11.9 "I think we're all gonna be liars before it's all over with."

BEFORE WE BEGIN

Happy Thanksgiving. You know what I would be thankful for? One of those recap shows they used to do, so I'd have a chance to catch up on my reviews. I am two weeks behind! Oh well. You know what I AM thankful for? I DID NOT see Lindsay Lohan sing "Edge of Seventeen" on the American Music Awards. Yikes, stick to comedy, sweetheart, and leave the Stevie Nicks' covers to the professionals. I also have a kernel of a theory about why Amazing Race Family Edition sucks so very much: I think we're conditioned to judge couples (not all AR pairs are romantic couples, but the annoying ones usually are) "Oh MAN, I can't believe she just said that, and what's up with him doing that and I wouldn't say that and if you said that I SO would not have done THAT," and at the same time, conditioned to feel uncomfortable about judging families, "Wow! They are...very...well, it's really none of my business. I'm uncomfortable, what's on NBC?" Just a thought. And now, on to the Survivor Review...

JAMIE'S CRYING...AGAIN

It's night at Shazam! and Jamie is obsessed with Bobby Jon's comment at Tribal that he has "no class." So, class act that he thinks he is, Jamie proceeds to ignore his tribemates pleading for him to shut up, as he goes on and on about how Bobby Jon shouldn't have said that. Even his buddy Judd tells him not to bring it up again, and not to go to bed angry, but Jamie whimpers, "I'm not angry. My feelings are hurt." Awwww. Widdle Jamie's feelings are hurt. Then he continues, "My ACTIONS may have been no class, but calling me classless is like calling me white trash, Bobby Jon." If you descend into a spiral of shame and paranoia at the slightest hint of an insult...you might be a redneck, I guess. Bobby Jon sighs, "That's how I felt at that moment. Tomorrow, the sun comes up." Word. Or whatever Southern folk say when they mean "word." Damn straight? Anyway, Drama Queen Jamie goes on to say that it broke his heart to hear Bobby Jon call him no class. Broke. His heart. I feel a sudden wave of compassion for the poor girl that's gonna wind up in a relationship with paranoid, overly-sensitive and hard-of-hearing/understanding Jamie. Bobby Jon says softly, "Ah'm sorry. Ah don' mean tuh break anybody's heart." We know, Bobby Jon, we know. Everyone continues to tell Jamie to lighten up and get over it, and Jamie sniffles, "I don't understand how this wouldn't hurt you all's feelings." Um, they're grown-ups? "Dis is competition, man. You say tings dat you don't mean sometimes!" says Judd, the expert on blabbering. Classy Bobby Jon goes over to shake his hand and tells him he should always speak his heart. Hee hee--I just realized that Jamie probably went into another downward spiral when he saw Bobby Jon cast his vote on TV and say, "And no, you don't have any class. At all." Hee hee. And is it just me, or does Jamie seem stoned all the time? A fed-up Rafe vows, "If Jamie doesn't use this as an experience to learn and change from, then I'm gonna change up the game." You GO, boy. The next day, Judd and Steph sit on their perch and laugh about how great it is to have a 6-3 majority in the game, while Bobby Jon, Danni and Gary search frantically for the Hidden Immunity Idol that could save their butt. Then Gary gives us a football metaphor about how this one time, his team was down by 20 points and he three for 300 yards in the 4th quarter and they came back to win. Of course, he can't give Bobby Jon and Danni the football pep talk without blowing his cover, so he goes for a landscaping metaphor and sings a couple lyrics from Bette Midler's "The Rose."

SLING FOR YOUR SUPPER

The Reward Challenge is one in which everyone wins...something. The players have to use this metal sling to hurl an arrow at a target, and the closest to the middle wins the best meal--steak and lobster. But everyone will eat something. Each player only gets one throw. The winner also gets a clue to where the Hidden Immunity Idol is. This Reward is similar to the one in Survivor All-Stars, where Rupert made Shii Ann eat bread and water, or whatever and then Jenna got all bent because Shii Ann didn't let them all enjoy eating good food in front of her. Or something. Anyway, Judd gets the first throw, and it's a good one. Everyone tries, but nobody beats him. Naturally, Lydia sucks worse than anybody but in her defense, she's really not accustomed to having to do anything at challenges. Bobby Jon sucks too--don't know what's going on there. WHen all is said and done, the final order is: Judd, Cindy, Danni, Jamie, Steph, Gary, Rafe, Bobby Jon and Lydia. Then Jamie makes a dramatic request, "Since I had such bad actions yesterday, I'd like to take the last place meal and let everyone move up." Tepid, suspicious applause ensues as Jeff allows the change. "Sorry about yesterday, guys, Jamie mutters as he goes to the end of the line. Then sports agent Drew Rosenhaus crawls out from under a rock and takes back Jamie's entire apology, "There are players in Survivor that smuggle in beef jerky and lie about their not-dead grandmothers and they are not punished as severely as him," he huffs.

The meal is at a lodge where dogs freely roam about, horrifying non-dog people, while we dog lovers go, "Awwwww." Judd gets his steak and lobster at his own table, while everyone else sits across from him so they have to watch him gorge himself and get drunk (they give him an open bar). Cindy gets chicken and vegetables, Danni gets spaghetti and meatballs, and America is almost as happy as she is because they're having trouble seeing her when she turns sideways. Steph gets the hamburger Jamie would have enjoyed had he not grandstanded--er, I mean, apologized. Jamie pretends not to care, "Nothing tastes better than my self-respect." Yes, I'm sure it brings all the girls to the yard, Jamie. Jeff loses some me points when he claims that Jamie's blathering was "well-put." C'mon, Probst. Gary gets a slice of pizza, which will do little good--at this point, Gary looks like he just barely survived the Bataan Death March. Rafe gets a ham and cheese sandwich and is thrilled, Bobby Jon gets a baked potato and is grateful. Lydia gets all emotional, "I feel like a don't deserve it, even if it is one cracker," she insists. I happen to agree with her. The fishmonger fittingly gets a fish, and she gushes over Jamie's gesture. Jamie gets a rock (a bowl of nuts and some boiled lake water). Then Judd gets to invite one or two people up to his table to eat with him and share in the open bar and the desert menu. Judd the star-bleeper invites Steph and Bobby Jon to join him. Naturally, Jamie looks stoned and heartbroken. Judd gets wasted, which annoys Gary, "It was two hours of watching them gorge themselves and get drunk. That's not my idea of fun." Clearly, Gary never played for the Minnesota Vikings. And honestly, if I had to go 35 days without television, I think I'd rather enjoy two hours of watching Steph, Bobby Jon and Judd getting lit. To each his own. That night, a drunk-out-of-his-mind Judd staggers around and tells Bobby Jon, "I love ya like a fat kid love cake, brudduh," right before he accidently hits himself in the face with a giant log. WHen that tragic day comes and someone actually dies on a reality show, it'll be better for the network in question if the contestant wasn't drunk at the time on booze supplied by the producers of the show--I'm just throwing that out there, Business Affairs. In the previews, we were warned that Judd throws up in the shelter and Jeff's judgmental voice intoned, "...and one Survivor loses ALL Respect." In the actual episode everyone's like, *shrug* "Yeah, Judd threw up in the shelter." *shrug*

LIES AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS

Judd decides to share his clue to where the Hidden Immunity Idol is with Steph, who's nervous about being seen. THe clue basically says the Idol isn't on the ground, so Judd goes down and tells everyone else, "Duh clue said duh idol is definitely on duh GROUND, so don't any uh you be lookin' up in no trees, got it?" Judd is quite proud of his, uh, clever ruse. Elsewhere, Jamie and Rafe are playing some sort of game (not Uno) and Jamie keeps saying, "Don't screw me over, man, don't do it," which irritates Rafe. Rafe tells us he doubts the sincerity of Jamie's Grand Gesture at the Reward Challenge. Yay! Later, Jamie tells Gary that Bobby Jon will be the next to go, and Gary says, "I will vote with you today. I mean, I have to." What Gary is trying to say...and by trying to say I mean ACTUALLY saying, is that he will turn against Danni and Bobby Jon and vote whichever way the others are. Jamie completely misinterprets this and goes running to Cindy, Judd, Steph and Rafe and informs them that Gary just told him that Gary intended to vote for HIM, Jamie tonight. Steph sums ups the groups reaction, "...Huh." Steph elaborates, "We were like, are you sure you understood?" Because sometimes he's a little..." and she makes the universal sign for "koo-koo." Jamie shuffles off and grins, "I'm just being honest. I didn't want you to think anything shady was goin' on." Which of course sounds defensive, desperate and yes, shady." Steph whispers to the others that she can't stand Jamie and she's losing her patience with him. Rafe frets, "Maybe he's losing it a little bit out here, for real. Like in a real way." Steph fears that Jamie could ruin their plan and I start to feel hopeful that maybe...just maybe...Jamie will be ousted instead of Sweet Bobby Jon. Tree Mail arrives, informing everyone that they will need to keep their balance for this next game. Gary practices balancing all over the once-sacred Mayan Temple that's now Shazam!'s crash pad. Jamie tells Lydia that Gary told him he's voting for him tonight and Lydia's all "Dude, chill out." Jamie does not.

A DELICATE BALANCE

There's no nice way to put it, Danni is looking positively grotesque these days--ladies, body fat is our friend! The Immunity Challenge has the Survivors walking across a long balance beam and stooping to untie two wood planks. The first four to get across, Jamie, Steph, Rafe and Gary, move on to the next round. In that round, they have to move across a rope bridge using their two wood planks to stand on--it's tricky. Jamie and Rafe move on to the final round, which is one of those two-rope bridges where you walk across on one and hold onto the other and the ropes start vibrating and swaying. You see it on those military obstacle courses--it's really hard, which Rafe demonstrates when he is pitched head first into the water. It's a spectacular fall and of course, Rafe is good-natured enough to laugh along with the others. But Jamie winning immunity is no laughing matter--just when we had hope of losing him, it's back to the Magic 6 against the good people. Again. Steph even flat-out tells us that she had been serious about maybe dumping Jamie, but now they have to go back to the original plan. Except...not quite. It was going to be Bobby Jon but Jamie wants Gary out because Gary is going to vote for Jamie (not for real, but in Jamie's head, he is). Plus, he's head-gaming everybody, which is the really good reason to get rid of him. Steph complains that Gary is "always in game mode." A worried Gary goes to Steph and asks if he can still trust her. She looks at the ground and says yeah, so Gary demands she look him in the eye==and I'm not exaggerating, it was an ORDER, and Steph responds all, "Sir, yes sir, you can still trust me, SIR!" He asks to be told when it's his time to go and she give's him the old classic Survivor lie/dodge, "If I know, I'll let you know," as IF Steph isn't one of the shot-callers. Gary seems to believe slippery Steph when she tells him "the plan is Bobby Jon, then Danni, then you." Again, she dodges the truth by giving him the old plan instead of the new one, and she pretends to be helpless to prevent whatever's gonna happen. Gary goes off to look for the idol while Bobby Jon goes to Jamie and Judd and says he's cool with going home tonight, he just wants them to be aware that the "real threat" is Stephenie, and they're all, "Oh, WE know, she's not gonna get past us, no sireee." They also assure Bobby Jon that he's not the target tonight. I thought it was a little immature and disappointing of my beloved Bobby Jon to make a move against Steph, but then I remembered last season. Bobby Jon has now watched the episodes where Steph "swore to God" that she hadn't voted against him, when she totally had, and then later when she manipulated him into voting out Ibrehem instead of her. So, he's got issues with Steph. He warns us against falling for Steph's charm, athleticism and her "million dollar smile." Hey Loverboy, we weren't the ones duped by her last time. That was you, Mister Let Me Show You How To Build A Fire. And did you tell Brian you were voting him out that night? Just asking. Meanwhile, out in the jungle, Gary follows Judd and is rather surprised to see him looking up instead of down. Gary smirks, "It's pretty interesting that Judd was looking in the trees and not the ground, like he told us too." Yeah, it is, isn't it Gary HAWKINS. Don't look SO indignant. Gary strolls back into camp carrying his bag in a way that suggests there might be something...nah. He couldn't have....could he? Steph speaks for America, "That'd be AMAZING if he found it." Indeed.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Since everyone's lying to everyone else, Jeff decides to turn the screws and starts grilling them about their opinions about honesty. Danni says she's on the chopping block, she knows it, and she doesn't trust what anyone tells her. Rafe says, "You have to keep your focus, and not turn into an irritating, paranoid jerk like Jamie--sorry Jamie." Jeff asks Gary if you can lie in the game of Survivor and not be breaking some sort of moral code--this is a question that has plagued many a viewer as well as almost every player. For some, it's easy to say "It's a game, nobody gets offended when you bluff in poker." But is that really the same thing as lying to somebody's face about being their friend? I look at like one of those murder-mystery parties. I think when you go on Survivor, you have to view yourself as a character in a game, in a drama, and part of the game is lying and tricking people. I don't have a huge problem with it, in theory. But, I'm also a very sensitive person and if I was playing the game, I think I would take it very personally is I was lied to, so I get that it doesn't "feel" acceptable when it happens to you. Also, as Dave Chappelle once said, if there are degrees of murder, shouldn't there be degrees of lying? And doesn't our opinion of whether it was okay for a Survivor to lie depend on how we feel about the result? I laughed when Colby lied to Jerri and told her they were solid when I knew he was going to vote her out and I agreed with him when he said it was okay to lie to her, because she's JERRI. But when Lill lied to Rupert, and assured him she was on his side when she was actually plotting with Jon and Burton, I was outraged. So, it's all subjective, I think. Gary agrees with me, saying that everyone makes their own decisions about whether it's okay to lie and when and how much. He demonstrates how he's come down on the issue by looking Jeff straight in the eye and stone-cold lying, saying he hasn't told a single lie in the game. Gary HAWKINS, the LANDSCAPER and that's IT, has never told a lie in the game. The impressive part is he knows that Jeff knows he's a liar, and yet, you still almost believe him. This in comparison with a wide-eyed and nervous Judd, who sputters, "I uh, no man, I've never lied in dis game YET, but I uh, I might latuh, ya nevuh know," with all the conviction of a four-year-old claiming not to have eaten the cookies even though he's got chocolate all over his face. Cindy says she's surprised at how much she's grown to trust people out here, even though she feels that it's impossible to play the game without lying at all, "I think we're all gonna be liars before it's all over with," she shrugs. Then Jeff asks if anybody's found the Hidden Immunity Idol, which must be revealed before the voting starts, if its going to be used that night. There is much dramatic pausing to many dramatic drums...and then Gary Whatever-His-Name-IS comes up with the Hail Mary of Survivor, and takes out the Found Immunity Idol. Son of a gun. Jeff forbids anyone to talk and conspire, leaving the Magic Six uncertain of what's going to happen--which is funny because they all go to the next person in line and vote out Bobby Jon, but they all fret about it, "I dunno what's gonna happen..." Yeah, definitely some cracks there. Danni and Bobby Jon vote for Steph, while Gary throws a vote at Cindy. Next week, Jamie will claim that Gary's trying to "head-game" her with the vote, but I think Gary still has hope that Steph's an ally, same with former tribemates Rafe and Lydia, he didn't want to rile up Jamie or Judd, he didn't want to vote against his friends Danni or Bobby Jon (despite what he told Jamie) so Cindy becomes a very logical vote for him to cast. ANd damn it, even though I was thrilled when it looked like Bobby Jon was gonna stick it out at least a week longer, I wanted that Idol found, and for Gary to find it the day he NEEDED it to survive, and to find it by following Judd and catching him in his lie...it was just too awesome. Bobby Jon isn't upset at all, he smiles graciously as his flame is snuffed and tells Jeff, "Thank you very much, I enjoyed it." That's our classy Southern gentleman, Bobby Jon. His mother puts it best in the Family Moment when she says, "We are ALWAYS proud of you." Word. Er...shore nuff?

Bobby Jon is voted out in 9th place--one place better than his finish last year and remember, this is actually the first time he's been voted out. His fellow First Jurors consist of: Greg, who charmed us with his coconut phone, Alicia who waved her finger in many faces, Kelly who was as shocked as we were when Lex ousted her in a fit of misdirected paranoia (Jamie is but the learner, Lex was the Master), and John, whose aggressive nudity and arrogance made his weepy departure all the sweeter when Neleh and Pappy flipped the whole game around. In Thailand, we lost a girl named Erin who you don't remember and in the Amazon, the numbers just didn't add up for Dave, the self-proclaimed rocket scientist. Cute Ryan-O, friend of the pelican, was also a victim of numbers when he was sent packing and in Vanuatu, Sarge was stunned when Twila rejoined Ami's stupid estrogen brigade. Last season, Coby all but engineered his own exit by talking too much, which was cool because he was a very expressive and entertaining juror.

RANDOM LOSER FACT

Although designated a "waiter" by CBS, Bobby Jon has a degree in print journalism and public relations, is also a model, and has been a lifeguard and personal trainer. Mmmm, Bobby Jon as my personal trainer, what a lovely thought. That'd get me back to the gym for sure. My favorite thing about Bobby Jon though is his list of favorite music: String Cheese Incident, 2Pac, Widespread Panic, and Merle Haggard. No one puts Bobby Jon in a corner! The boy's eclectic. God speed, Bobby Jon.

Peace :D

Christine