Survivor 11.6 "I wouldn't consider myself a bad sportsmanship."

BEFORE WE BEGIN

There's a nasty rumor out there that next season will be Jeff Probst's last one--he wants to do other things. This devastates me. And worse, they say the most likely replacement will be a former female contestant. If it's Rich Jenna, who hosts the Internet Talk Show on CBS.com, I'll jump out a window (kudos to those who remember I made the same empty threat on the eve of her victory on the Amazon. Help me out here people, what former contestant could pull this off? I'd vote for Colby myself, but if they're going girl...Krazy Kath? Kelly Wigglesworth? Steph? Amber? Jerri??????

Also, I think I would like to live in a Target commercial.

FALLOUT

Brandon doesn't feel good about the decision the others made to dump Blake instead of Brian. Brian, naturally, feels otherwise. Brandon asks Bobby Jon if he's regretting the decision now, Bobby Jon says eh, sorta but not really.

FREAKIN MAAAGRET, MAN

Judd and Jamie, who've developed a weird Yogi and Boo Boo vibe of late, complain about the freaking mosquitos, man, and all the irritating jungle noises. When Judd bitches about the mosquitoes buzzing in his ear, Jamie whines, "Yeah dude, just bite me and go, you know?" Judd nods, "Dat's what I say." Cindy says the bugs are worse than in Florida, and you know that's bad. I have no desire to ever visit Florida because I've never met anyone who has ever been to Florida that does not involve finding a very large bug in a very unexpected place--usually on their own person. Dear Rafe, who seems to be trying to be a gracious host to us whenever he talks to us, has grown weary of Margaret's negative energy. He thinks the rest of them all get along great. Margaret tells us that she was much higher on the food chain of the old tribe, but she insists that she hasn't given up and that she's just waiting for an opening. Um. Okay Margaret, if you say so, but when Rafe can't say something nice about you, I think you're heading in the wrong direction in search of that "opening," FYI.

GIANT BALL LIVES!

The Stephs get their first look at the new Bobby Jon, and their are many smiles at Blake's absence--only Cindy looks unthrilled. Jeff tells everyone that the reward is a worth-playing for BBQ, with burgers, hot dogs, root beer and real beer. But there's a twist--both teams will vote somebody out this time. The tribe that wins the BBQ will compete for individual immunity, and that winner will sit in on the other tribe's council. And then he unveils the coolest thing of all: The Return of the Giant Ball! We haven't seen giant ball since his Africa days--I guess when you're as awesome as Giant Ball, you only show up when they're having a really hardcore Survivor. In Africa, the teams had to steer him around a course, or something. I'm too lazy to look up the details on my own blog, but anyway, in this season's game, two-person teams try to push the ball to the other teams goal while the other team does likewise. This is gonna come as a complete shock to you all but Lydia sits out for the Stephs. In the first round, Amy and Danni defeat Steph and Cindy. Then Judd and Jamie defeat Brandon and Bobby Jon. Brandon runs at the ball so fast at first that he bounces right off of it--silly boy, the giant ball does not yield. By the way, this is one of those contests, ala the tug-o-war, that is guaranteed to the team with Judd on it, period. Anyway, Jamie screams in victory, causing Bobby Jon to go chest to chest with him, and they both look like strutting monkeys, pounding their chests. When I watched this initially I thought Bobby Jon may have yelled, 'That's not nice!' But in reviewing, I think he said, "That's what I like to see right there, That's what I like!" Closed captioning pretended not to hear anything--deaf people seriously miss out when watching Survivor, CC doesn't even TRY to keep them up to speed. But back to the screamy boys, everyone else is all "??!" about the whole thing. Next up, Judd and Steph beat Gary and Amy, and Amy gets run over by Giant Ball and she re-hurts her ankle. But the next round is two girls vs. two girls and the Bobby Jons only have her and Danni, so they have to go again, and they defeat Margaret and Cindy. Amy yells in victory, and then Cindy goes chest to chest with her yelling, 'That's what I like to see right there, that's what I like!!" No, wait, she just pouts. In the deciding round, Judd and Jamie best Brian and Bobby Jon, and Jamie gives a subdued salute to either God or a heaven-dwelling relation.

CAN WE BAG THE BAGS?

The Bobby Jons are sent home while the Stephs compete in their idividual immunity contest. The first part involves running out into a field and untying these bags of tiles and bringing them to a station, one by one. ENOUGH with the untying of bags! It has grown tiresome this year. Then they have to unscramble the lettered tiles to pell a two-word phrase. Judd can't even manage to untie his bags, and he's very scared that Margaret might win immunity, so when he sees Rafe struggling, he mutters desperately, "Ancient Ruin, man, Ancinet Ruin!" And Rafe sighs, "Yes, Judd, I realize we're in the shadow of an ancient ruin and it's very exciting but right now I'm trying to...Oh! Got it!" So Rafe, the person least in need of immunity, wins immunity.

AFTERMATH

Danni blame their defeat on the fact that the other tribe is simply bigger, which I think is true. Judd's team was gonna win. Of course, it doesn't help that Danni weighs less that most 12 year olds. Unlike the Stephs, Brandon thinks Bobby Jon's "smackdown" of Jamie was awesome. Bobby Jon feels he put Jamie in his place and reminded him, "...there's another bear out in the woods too." The Original Steph Bobby Jon's start to fracture: brian tells Gary he's going to make a move against Bobby Jon, but Gary thinks that's not the way to stay strong as a team--nor is being loyal to the old tribe. Uh oh. Amy's worried that she's the weak link due to her ankle, and tries to keep her pain on the downlow. When Brian told her to elevate it...was he being concerned, or did he want her to appear as gimpy as possible, in order to make him look more valuable. Knowing Brian, it's probably a little of both.

BBQ OF LIES

Jamie remarks that Bobby Jon "Hit a new nut level." Rafe asks Steph sincerely, "Is he...is he crazy?" "Crazy gorgeous, maybe," Steph sighs and then covers, "I mean, yeah, he's a total psycho and I have a boyfriend." Jamie attributes the altercation to his and Bobby Jon both being crazy Southerners. Hey, no argument here. Judd and Jamie are confident that Margaret is going home tonight and that she knows it. Have you all noticed the weird Yogi and Boo Boo vibe that Judd and Jamie have developed? Judd puffs out his chest and tells us proudly, "I ain't goin' home, dey need me. I'm one uh duh big guns heyuh, man. I can do whatever I want!" I so hoped this was one of those Aesop's Fable episodes of Survivor, but it so wasn't. Anyway, Rafe gives Judd his lunch money--I mean, his beer, and then Steph trades her beer for one of Judd's hotdogs. Eventually, there are too few beers--someone had too many, probably the big drunk guy who's math is probably shaky sober. At first Judd blusters around, "Ah don' understand! Whoever drank duh beer is goin' home t'night!" Then he tells us that he doesn't care if he took too many beers because he deserves it, "You wouldn't be eatin' dis freakin' hotdog if it weren't fuh me!" And, since he can't edit himself, he then brays in front of the whole tribe, "Hey, yuh know what? Everyone can just kiss my ass and I hope you enjoyed yuh hotdog and yuh hambuhguh!" Judd--he looks like Meathead, but he sounds like Archie Bunker. The real sad part of the whole thing is he's probably right--he is the sole reason they won the reward. But Cindy mutters to us that Judd's attitude will eventually come back to bite him, and I think she's right. They'll ride him to the merge, but he'll make a nice easy target once the game turns individual.

TRIBAL COUNCIL, PART ONE

Sadly, that day is not today, but at least we get one of the most lively, heated, entertaining Tribal Councils ever--certainly among those in which the outcome was never really in doubt. Judd starts out defending his decidion to trade food for beer (he'd do it any day, fyi) and Margaret is rolling her eyes. Jamie blows off his bizzarre altercation with Bobby Jon. Then Jeff asks Margaret whether they're good sports, and she primly throws Judd and Jamie under the bus, which infuriates Judd, "It's not like we're bad sportsmanships at all--we go out dere and give 120 damn percent, man. I give my damn all, man!" Jeff points out that you can give your damn all and still be a jerk, which further riles up Judd--even Jamie tries to get him to simmer down, but he's on full boil. He says they scored a winning touchdown, and they're gonna keep "driving it to them." Then he sneers at Margaret that she "probably never played a damn sport in yer life!" And I mean, who the hell cares? This was Mean Katie's one valid point last season--An unatheltic person has just the same right to win Survivor as an athletic person does. And Margaret IS an athlete, but, nothing she says matters anymore, because Judd is Giant Ball, and he's headed downhill, and there's no stopping him. "You should just shut up," he barks. Margaret shrugs, nonplussed, "This is what it's like trying to talk to Judd." Jeff grins, "Judd, you look like if I would let you, you'd go over and strangle Margaret right now." So he does, and Margaret becomes the first person to ever be murdered at Tribal Council. Then Judd tries to wrest immunity away from Rafe but...no, really the only crime Judd commits is against the English language when he once again insists, "I wouldn't considuh myself a bad sportsmanship! I love everyone on dis team except fuh Maaagret." Then, when Margaret claims that "Judd only listens to Judd," Judd polls the group, asking whether or not he listens to them when they talk and he literally cuts each of them off after they get out two or three words, which Margaret aptly labels as bullying, but everyone else is just wanting this night to be over, as Judd then prattles on and on about how Margaret apparantly labeled him as having "A.D.D." within moments of meeting him. I'm uncertain if Judd even knows what Attention Deficit Disorder actually is, but anyway, he doesn't like being told he has it. Jeff tries to move on and Judd cuts him off and goes on to say that Margaret was mad to be stuck on a team with him and she never got over it. Judd stands up several times during all this, which I don't think I've ever seen anyone do at Tribal Council. Margaret shoots back that Judd flipped sides too fast. Jeff asks Steph if she can trust Judd, considering he switched his loyalty so fast. Steph says, "This is a NEW tribe, duh, Jeff. What's he supposed to be like, "Oh I'm not gonna talk to you guys becasue my old tribe isn't on my tribe anymore? That's retarded!" Oh...Steph. Onto the vote and Judd hisses menacingly at Margaret as he votes for her, "Get OUT, NOWWW!" Margaret snips, "Judd, you are profane and totally rude and you do not deserve a million dollars." Hey lady, this is America, we let all sorts of rude profane people be millionaires, come on now. Cindy wisely votes for her pal Margaret--it placates Judd and hey, you never know, it worked for Tina! Judd of course is delighted. Margaret's husband and two sons will be happy to have her back, they say in their message--it's sad that they're gonna have to watch her get treated so shabbily.

Margaret is cut down in 13th place, where we lost a weak and pukey Ramona in Season One. 13 was also unlucky for Jerri pal Mitch, who was a victim of Colby's turn to the good side (yes, I just called saving Keith a good thing). In the Marquesas, buxom Sarah may have been Boston Rob's ace in the hole, but a tribe switch-up had her shuffled off the island. In Thailand, Drama Queen Ghandia screamed her way out the game, and in the Amazon, Joanna was eliminated for being bossy and "old" and weird when it came to that Immuntiy Idol. In the Pearl Islands, Bully Burton was dispatched but he'd unfotunatley be let back in by the worst twist in the game. In Vanuatu, Bubba was kicked out by the ladies when the tribes were shook up, and last season we lost Angie, the Illustrated Girl from New Orleans--I hope she's okay.

RANDOM LOSER FACT

Margaret is one of eight kids! Also, she donates some of her time and talent at a free medical clinic, which is very cool. The thing I found the most interesting though (as well as the most distressing) was that she lists UB40 as her only favorite music group. Wow, maybe Judd's on to something.

TRIBAL COUNCIL, PART TWO

Rafe stays behind to watch the other Tribal Council--and man, it would have been WAY more fun if one of them got to watch that last one. Rafe is revelaed to the others as the winner of the individual immunity, raising some eyebrows as some ask themselves, "What that hell kind of competition was this?" They'd proably be even more surprised to learn that it was a puzzle and Judd was the guy that actually solved it. Jeff asks Bobby Jon about his weird altercation with Jamie, and he blows it off. Jeff asks Gary if the other team are good sports and he says basically yes, even though Jamie has a tendency to talk some trash their way. Brian insists he's an athlete as well as a strategist and "when it's time for me to bring out the physical, I will." Well, the time was sadly this afternoon, and you didn't, Brian. Bobby Jon brings smiles to all when he descrbes Brian's strenghs thusly, "If you need a kamikaze to bust a wedge, this is the man that's gonna do it. This boy is constantly thinking Survivor. He's just a good 'ol boy--he'd be a good neighbor." Awwww, shucks. Danni adds that he's a gentleman and that he's classy. Then Amy once again defends her heatlh, saying the ankle's fine. Brandon heaps praise on her for being so tough and determined to win despite her pain. Bobby Jon laments the fact that no one on the tribe deserves to leave, and then Jeff reveals that Rafe will be able to assign his immunity to somebody else, but he will write it down and secret and it will not be revealed until after the votes have been tallied. Brian is ousted 5-1. He casts his vote with a smug jab at Bobby Jon, "This would be the outwit part of out wit, outplay, outlast." But Brian, you were the one who was outwitted. Bobby Jon had you so buttered up you never saw it coming. Bobby Jon is in coach-mode as he puts Brian on waivers, "You're a great kid, with a ton of heart, you've done a terrific job, and you should be proud of yourself." Brian's last hop is rafe's immunity but, naturally, he gave it to his fishing buddy, Gary. Brian gives handshakes and hugs as he leaves, and insists to us in his exit interview that that's how he wanted to go out--to be blindsided by people who were really playing the game. He's such a big Survivor nerd, I almost believe him. His parents do his Family Moment, it's not remarkable.

Brian leaves the game in 12th place, where devout Dirk hit the skids in Season One, a victim of Rich and the very first alliance. In Australia, Kimmi the vegetarian got a little too precahy with her tribe and also, she stopped bathing herself. In Africa, smug and crazy Silas fell victim to Survivor's very first tribe shake-up, while in the Marquesas, ditsy Gabe was too interested in creating a Utopia to pick sides, causing everyone to mistrust him. Stephanie the boring firefighter managed to make it this far, as did plucky New Yawker Jeanne, stabbed in the back by Heidi after a tribe switcheroo. Forgettable Michelle went home in the Pearl Islands once her protector Burton was out, and in Vanuatu, Lisa was ousted by evil Ami, for something Ami inferred into something Lisa sort of said. Last season, the incredibly shrinking tribe had to cut loose James who should've been Jim Bob.

RANDOM LOSER FACT

Brian has written term papers on "Survivor," kids today, I swear. He lists Matchbox Twenty as his favorite music group--who the hell admits that!? But most interesting of all is until I read Brian's bio, I thought my younger sister Jessica was the only person on Earth who might list "Clue" as their favorite movie. I stand corrected.

Also, Brian is the first contestant in this year's show who I'll actually miss now that they're gone.

Peace! :D

Christine