Survivor Season 10 FINALE--Finally!!

Told ya I'd do it :D

FINAL FOUR

Morning at Er-Ror. Katie is barely awake before she starts in on badmouthing Caryn, though she's secretly pleased that the jury knows that Ian betrayed her. Katie's a peach of a friend, eh? Ian knows his stock is down with the jury but HE'S secretly pleased that it lessens the chance that he'll be a target tonight. Suddenly, people want to be sitting next to him at the Final Two. The girls start shrieking as though they're being killed, but it's only to get the guys to help them move a cooler lade with champagne, fruit, juice and bread. Unlike some past seasons, Jeff doesn't show up to celebrate or gather any of the Final groups. He must have a kick-ass hotel room this year. Katie goes all Lex on us and comments that it was great to get to enjoy one another right before they all start slitting each other's throats. "It's gonna be somebody's last night on Rat Island," she cackles. Later, when Tom is off doing chores, Ian and the girls all agree that if Tom doesn't win immunity, it's time to off him. Ian tells us, "If I win, If I don't win, Tom is all of a sudden my best friend again." He doesn't give Jenn or Katie a chance, it would seem, of winning immunity. Which is either chauvinistic or logical, depending on how you feel about Ian, I guess.

IMMUNITY LIMERICK

There once was a player named Tom
His odds for winning were never that long
He's so good at winning
and also at spinning
so trying to beat him seems wrong

Jeff shows everybody the yellow Chevy SSR that everyone has a chance of winning--if they are the Ultimate Survivor, that is. It's this new car that looks kinda like a street rod--total guy car. And not nearly as cool as Ian's cursed 'vette. The challenge involves untying knots and climbing a tower and using a grappling hook to get some keys--total guy challenge. ALthough Jenn does give it a good try until she's undone by the grappling hook. Katie, of course, totally sucks. I think Scout and Jan would've both kicked her butt, and they have fake hips. Anyway, in the Final challenge, involving trying various combinations of numbers in order to open a combination lock, Tom wins, and everyone pretends to be happy for him.

IAN MAKES YET ANOTHER MISTAKE

Back at camp, Ian is one happy camper, because he knows Jenn is going home. Tom tells Jenn straight up that he has a Final Two deal with Ian and he can't go back on that. Jenn is very understanding--I guess because she found out about the Tom, Katie and Ian alliance and always felt a little doomed. Everyone hugs her and says their good byes--it's all very civil. Tom pats himself on the back for being a man of his word, safe in his blanket of semantics and insincerity. That night, Katie frets that nobody will see her as being worthy of the Final Two--but coattail riders have won before, and it's just as legitimate a way to get in as being good at stuff. Coattail riders stick around because everyone wants to be up against them in the Final Two. Then when they get voted out, they're suddenly purists about who "deserves" to still be standing in a popularity contest. Then Tom worries that Ian's too likeable, "My being such a good and noble and true friend might a' cost me a million dollahs, but I'm a man, so I'll live with it," he sighs. Whatever dude. Then Ian sticks his foot in his mouth, as usual, tripping himself over his own honesty. He tells Tom casually, "If I'd won today, it would have been a difficult decision, so I'm glad you won, and that you're such a tool. I'm mean fool. I mean...great guy." Tom's a little put out by this, because he thought they were rock solid. Scratch that, Tom's in full blown crazy mode. He seeks out Jenn and asks her what's up and she's not an idiot, she lays it on thick, "Gee, sorry you didn't know--and what a TERRIBLE way to find out, but yeah, that was the deal, if you lost today--sorry, but we were all three in agreement that you had to go." Then they go a'confrontin' Ian, who did not get the license number for the Chevy SSR that just hit him. Ian claims that while he did SAY he was gonna vote out Tom, he didn't mean it. It was just "game talk" or in other words, lies. We know this is a lie because Ian told us he did indeed plan on voting out Tom. Tom growls, "That's all I needed to know." Duhn duhn DUHN.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff chastises the Final Four for being really late to Tribal Council, "I hope you brought some good drama," he insists. So, Tom gives everybody the recap, "I wasn't worried at duh challenge today because I knew that Ian and I were a team against the girls and the girls suck so I didn't even have to win today--but I did, of course, but I didn't have to or so I thought because Ian and I made a promise to one another on day two and now I find out that if he'd lost, he was gonna vote me out." The jury--all too familiar with Tom's varying levels of commitments--his real promises, and his "promises to try"---aren't terribly sympathetic to his feelings of betrayal, but they do look entertained. Jeff asks Ian for his sign, and he's very sputtery and defensive and not at all convincing. He's a terrible liar, but he keeps at it. He insists he was "just talking" to the girls, that it meant nothing, and he says that he and Tom had an agreement that they would "try" to take one another to the Final Two. He doesn't mean anything by this, but Tom gets very upset, "We didn't say we would TRY--that's the same b.s. thing i said to Caryn and Steph when I was suckering them into believing in me--we said we WOULD. We'd bring each other and we'd fight it out MAN TO MAN." Ian gets even more whiny, and accuses Jenn of being desperate and probably insincere--the same thing he tried to do to Caryn at the last Tribal Council--and he insists he was never going to turn on Tom. Jeff asks Katie why she seems upset and she huffs, "Well, last Tribal Council was all about me and no one's talked about ME all night." She tells Ian she isn't necessarily going to vote for him, she just needs to know if he's lied to her within the last 24 hours. Now, this includes the conversation in the hut when Ian told her and Jenn he would vote Tom out if he lost. Ian takes WAAAAAY to long to answer this question--confirming he's done some lying at some point by rolling his eyes back and doing the math, "Uh...24 hours...uh...NO." Katie is satisfied by this--meaning she knows he's lying now, and they go to vote. It is a tie. Ian and Katie vote out Jenn, while Tom and Jenn vote out Ian. Jeff tells them that only Tom and Katie will vote next, and if the vote remains deadlocked, they will move on to a tie-breaker. The second vote is still a tie! Because there are only four players, they don't draw rocks--I can't remember why, but this is what they did wrong in Marquesas. There were four left, and Pappy went out. I don't know why you can draw rocks at every number but four, but Jeff says so. This time, Jenn and Ian will take part in a fire-making challenge. Steph smiles because this is how she beat Bobby Jon. Ian smiles because he's probably started numerous fires at camp and Jenn's probably started exactly none. Just a guess. Ian does indeed win easily as the jury scowls and Jenn is out in a very exciting double-tie Tribal Council.

Jenn is eliminated in 4th place, where we lost Stoopid Soo who never spelled anyone's name right, Elisabeth before she was on "The View", Big Tom, Pappy--who like Jenn, lost a tie breaker, Helen who never saw it coming, Principal Butch who probably burned down the camp, Darrah the crackerjack shootist, and whiny Eliza.

IANLOO

Back at camp, Ian keeps insisting to Tom that he had no intention of trying to win Survivor--he was never going to vote out Tom. Tom keeps berating him, and Katie joins in, reminding Ian that Tom has never wavered in his loyalty to Ian and telling Ian he should just admit the truth. Ian is in a no-win situation, and he knows it, but he's already admitted to plotting against Tom--he just hasn't admitted that he meant it when he did it. "We're playing a GAME," he tries to remind them, but Tom huffs, "We thought we wuh playin' a game togethuh." Tom bullies and berates Ian and then goes to bed. Ian stays up all night staring at the fire. By morning he's made some tearful epiphanies, "I didn't come out here to play the villain," he sniffles, before he and Katie and Tom head out for the traditionally awkward time-killing "tribute to the fallen," where the remaining contestants have to act like the eliminated Survivors are dead and honor them in a hokey ceremony, while in voiceover the losers insist that they are the real winners because they stayed true to who they are and found out what they were made of, blah blah blah. Katie naturally mocks her many enemies, as the trio "buries their torches at sea." Because getting voted off a TV show is sort of comparable to dying in combat--like many Americans did on around Palau during World War II. Um. Yeeeaah.

IMMUNITY LIMERICK

Ian was feeling real bad
about Katie and Tom being mad
so he got off the pole
to save his own soul
good for him, but it still makes me sad

The last immunity is a test of will, as all three contestants must stand barefoot on a small disc on a pole on a buoy in the ocean, and last one standing wins. Three friends brought together and torn apart by the same CBS game show. Katie is naturally first to quit, but I was pretty dang impressed because she stood out there for FIVE HOURS. I mean, that's impressive, even if she does think she stands a great chance of being brought along to the Final Two, considering the rift between Ian and Tom. About 8 or 9 hours in, Jeff remarks at the fact that no one has said anything for 4 or 5 hours, and no one has tried to broker a deal. Tom and Ian both joke at being interested in pizza or fries that Jeff might try to entice them down with, and then Tom gets serious. He tells Ian that if he wins, he'll take Katie but if Ian quits he'll take him. He's clearly not worried about either of them beating him, and he continues to show his inner-bully with taunts like, "You really think you can beat me at Tribal Council? With your persuasive language skills?" Ian keeps repositioning himself on his pole, symbolizing his inner torment, as he calls out in the darkness, "I'm not going out on your terms." It's all very Luke on the weather vane with Darth Vader in "The Empire Strikes Back." After 12 grueling hours, Ian announces he has a solution. He will give up his shot at the million dollars in order to win back Tom's friendship and, more importantly, in order to feel true to himself. So he tells Tom he'll step off the pole, if Tom promises to take Katie into the Final Two. Tom takes the deal, and Ian eliminates himself from Survivor: Palau. He was just to sensitive to win, I guess. Remember, he offered to quit the game to prove his loyalty to Katie in the previous episode, so dolphin boy clearly has some issues.

Jeff asks Tom if this extreme move will redeem Ian, and Tom says, "Well, Ian would have my friendship anyway--but he wins my RESPECT back by paying me a million dollars, and it's a small price to pay for the respect of a noble firefighter, such as myself." Then Tom jokes that he was about to fall off the pole anyway, and Ian pushes him into the water. Because it's so late, Jeff decides to hold an impromptu Tribal Council right there on the dock, and Tom asks Ian if he really wants to be held to the deal--which is interesting, because it seemed obvious that Tom would have taken Ian if Ian had told him he regretted his decision, I guess because Tom had made him the earlier deal that if he quit, Tom would take him. Plus, Tom knows he could beat Ian almost as easily as Katie, since Ian has the clouds of lies and suspicions around him, and Tom is older and a father and let us never forget--a fireman. Oh Ian. I respect your personal decision to regain your soul, since you're the only won who can judge what you're willing to do for a million dollars, but Tom played you, and I hope his alleged friendship will still feel worth all this a few years down the line.

Ian leaves the game in third place. The third place finisher is either that person you think you can't beat, or the person you don't by any means want to get the money should you lose. Rudy the cranky ex-Navy Seal, Keith the pompous chef, Lex the raving madman, Krazy Kath who I still love to death, Wacky Jan with her baby animal graveyard, witty Rob who irritated me but then won me over, evil Jonny Fairplay and the serene and sapphic Scout were all eliminated in third place, and they're all pretty memorable. You probably wouldn't want to be stuck in an elevator with them, though.

Then we get what's become a bizarre tradition on Survivor: the were the Final two bonfire. Not every Final Two has done it, but most of them have. I guess when you don't have TV, you need to burn stuff to pass the time, and to avoid talking to one another about what you're going to say to run the other person down at Tribal. Anyway, Katie is indeed plotting to reveal Tom's "dark side," while Tom pretends to think Katie has a ghost of a chance by reminding us, "Katie's so likeable, and I've won so many rewards and immunities and been the meal provider and been their team captain and their father figure for so long, they might just be sick and tired of me." Uh huh.

FINAL TRIBAL COUNCIL

I always wish Jeff could take part in the Final Tribal Council, because I think he asks better questions. Tom's opening statement is vintage "humble Tom," as he thanks everyone for the great time he had, he touts his hard work and his game play and reminds everyone that he never had a nasty word for anyone, which a nice and subtle jab at Katie, and the closest he'll come to a direct attack on his opponent. Tom is crafty, and he knows he that the million dollars is his to lose. Because most of the jury isn't going to want to admit they were outplayed by Katie, even though technically, they were. Katie starts on the defensive, saying she knows she's not Tom, she got here by forming an alliance, she hopes she didn't hurt anyone, and she got here by playing the only cards she had--her sense of humor, among them. I think Katie should have performed a sock puppet show as a demonstration, but unfortunately for her, she sticks to plain old words, and they're not enough...

Coby is first, and he doesn't ask any questions, because this is Coby Time, thank you very much. He tells Katie that he has no respect for her, that she sat out of most of the challenges, never worked around camp, wasn't nice to anyone outside of her alliance and all she did was ride the coattails of those who did play the game and if he does vote for her, it will be a vote against Tom, not a vote in her favor. Then he turns on Tom, telling him he played as dirty a game as Ian did. Coby says he's going to vote on whomever is the most truthful tonight. Tom looks outraged at the mere IDEA that he's a shifty a character as his "good friend" Ian, and Katie looks devastated. SHe lost any chance she had for winning right here, because she never saw this coming. She really doesn't think she's as mean and off putting as she is and she wasn't prepared for this and she never recovers. She stops fighting for herself. She never mentions, for instance, that she stood by Ian at the last Tribal Council, despite how easy it would have been to turn on him. She never mentions what a bully Tom was to her and to others. She never says something along the lines of, 'Tom thinks he's better than all of you, I don't." which would have struck a cord, I think. Anyway...

Gregg calls Tom on the fact that Tom told him that anyone who broke the Final Five alliance would pay for it in the end, and asks for an explanation. Tom blames Ian, claiming Ian misled him and he apologizes to Gregg. Oy! Then Gregg calls Katie worthless and insignificant and wonders how she can say being pathetic was her plan to win--not to get to the Final Two, but to win. Katie gets emotional and makes one valid point, that not everyone has an "athlete" card to play, but like many a mean person, she can dish it out, but she can't take it, and she starts blubbering, "I never would have called you pathetic, Gregg. Janu, sure. Caryn, maybe, but never YOU, Gregg."

Steph calls Tom on his claim to her that he would fight to keep her in the game, and she asks for specific instances when he did. He tells her he went as far as he could without betraying his original alliance of five--meaning he gladly threw over Coby. He doesn't cop to the fact that he was going to oust her in favor of freaking Janu until she quit, nor does he remind her that he only actually promised to "try." Crafty, crafty crafty. Steph gives Katie a chance to fight for herself, asking her why she should vote for Katie and not Tom, and Katie tells her that Tom told her before the not-merge that whether it was Bobby Jon or Steph, they needed to get rid of that person right away. I don't know if this happened, but Tom's defense is, "Why would I want to get rid of you? You were my ace in the hole!" Which is again how Tom sees everything. What's good for Tom is good, what's bad for Tom is bad. Steph was useful to him, and had she won immunity, he would have kept pretending she had a chance until she didn't have immunity, and then he would have thrown her over. Just admit you misled her, Tom.

Janu asks Tom, "Tom you are a GREAT man. How hard was it for someone as GREAT as you to compromise your integrity?" Tom answers, "Well, this is a game, and yeah, I misled and I misdirected a little--I'll never own up to the specifics, if ya don't mind, even though I told Ian he wasn't a man when he wouldn't own up tuh what he did. But the key is, I draw lines in my own mind and I define for myself what constitutes crossing those lines, so derefoh, I nevuh cross them." How very Bill Clinton. Janu asks Katie to giver her three positive adjectives to describe herself, and three negative adjectives to describer herself and Katie sighs, "You know what Janu, I don't really expect your vote so I'm just not gonna answer your question because I don't feel like it." Janu at first pretends she hasn't decided how she's gonna vote and really needs Katie's answer but then shrugs and says whatever and goes back to the jury.

Caryn asks Tom whether they were ever really friends, or if she was just some pawn in his game. He admits he thought a lot of what she told him wasn't true, and he again blames Ian for this. But he doesn't directly answer whether or not they're friends he actually says, "I'm not gonna answer that--I'm gonna let you find the ansuh...in your own heart." Good gravy. Then Caryn takes her shot at lacing into Katie, telling her she was phony and cruel to everyone but Tom and Ian, she was lazy, mean and unkind AND she betrayed Caryn, so she wants one reason why she should vote for her and Katie snaps, "Because I got here by making an alliance and that's what this game is about. This game is about making alliances and that's why you're sitting over there, because YOU didn't make one." And that grenade she just lobbed at Caryn also hits everyone else on the jury. Caryn shakes her head in disgust, "I got it, Katie."

Jenn goes fishing for a compliment, and while she gently chides Tom for being a chauvinist, she's really just asking for validation from Poppa Tom. She wants to know if he respected her game at all, and he says, "Sweetie, I couldn't see your game at first but that's because you wuh such a clever little girl and you hid it from me! So I didn't have any reason to respect you at all until the night you came tuh me and told me what Ian was saying behind my back and then when you demanded, like a hellcat, that we confront Ian right that second--you go girl. Of course I respect ya, honey." And Jenn giggles and blushes and swallows every word of it--even thou he just told her he didn't respect her until a few hours before she was voted out, and he misrepresents what happened that night--HE sought HER out and demanded to know what Ian had been saying, and he was the one who said, let's go talk to Ian right now. But flattery will get you a vote in Survivor, and Jenn likes Tom's version better because it makes her look smart. Then she tries to get Katie to stand up for herself and stop being a sullen, snarky, defeated lump and Katie refuses.

Ian asks each of them to say why they shouldn't win, and Tom says, "Aw, shucks, because I've had so much fun playing in the jungle, climbing trees and hunting for shahks and hanging our with all of you fine people--I've already been compensated." Awwww. Katie sniffs, "Uh, I guess because I'm allegedly "unkind" and "cruel." But I'm FUNNY, damn it, I don't care what the hell the rest of you say!"

The closing arguments are more of the same stuff they've been saying, nothing new. There is no dramatic shuttling of the votes from the game to the studio in New York. No Jeff on a jet-ski, no Jeff on a motorcycle. CBS must not have wanted to pay a writer--oh, ahem, I'm sorry. They didn't want to pay a SEGMENT PRODUCER, wink wink, to come up with anything cute or clever. Of course, Tom wins in a landslide. Katie receives only one vote--Coby's, who asked for honesty and only heard it from Katie.

Katie is the runner-up, winning a not-too-shabby 100 Grand. Other second place finishers: Kelly and Colby, who both coulda maybe shoulda won (though, would Survivor had taken off the way it did had the evil Hatch not won? Just asking.) Also Old Kim who stayed true to her alliance and then won final immunity in a stunner, Neleh who played a pretty good game, Clay who I still hate, Weird Sir Matt, Lill who I still hate, and Twila who got flamed almost as bad as Katie did when it came to the Final Tribal Council. Almost.

Tom is the latest ultimate Survivor, and he deserves it. He outplayed everyone--emphasis on PLAYED. He won almost every challenge he took part in, he provided, and he's probably a pretty decent guy in real life. I just wish he'd own up to being a little shifty during the game, that's all :) He joins the admittedly evil Richard Hatch, crafty Tina, noble and good Ethan, whom I named my last goldfish after, lucky Vecepia, sleazy Brain, surprisingly savvy Jenna, mouthy Sandra, and last season's Chris...who I'm kinda ambivalent about.

The reunion is kinda disappointing. When Tom gives one of his classic sink and dodge responses to why he won (I played the game, I was Tom, I was really me), Jeff calls him on his ability to talk a lot and say nothing and everyone laughs, but that's it. Ian feels good about his decision, but neither he nor Jeff discuss how Tom blamed him for his turning on Gregg--even though now that they've all watched the show, they all know that Ian was right--they were gonna go after Caryn, then Tom, then Ian. In fact, Jeff doesn't ask anybody about how they felt watching the show, which I always enjoy (like last year when Julie said that after watching the show she was a big Twila fan, and didn't like Chris very much). Then Jeff makes sure that America understands that he didn't talk Janu out of quitting and that he didn't step in and effect the outcome of the game AT ALL, though we all know he totally did. But it helped Steph, so I don't care :p Then Jeff points out that 7 out of 10 Survivor winners have been over 30 years old (the exceptions: Ethan, Rich Jenna and Amber). The whole reunion focuses on how life-changing Survivor is, and how positive it is, like they're trying to compete with Extreme Makeover, Home Edition, or whatever. And it continues to bug me that we don't ever get to see the winner get the million dollars because they keep trying to force us to watch the CBS Early Show, and I ain't doing it. We do get another great Bobby Jon inspirational quote, "I wear my winning hat like a man, I wear my losing hat like a man." Oh, Bobby Jon, I heart you. Goodbye Survivor: Palau! All in all, it was a very good year.

Peace! :D

Christine