Survivor Season 9 wrap up

Hey everyone!

Well, as many of you know, I have moved out of Los Angeles and back up to Northern California. I now reside in Sacramento and no, I don't know what I'm going to be doing career-wise. If you've ever moved, you know what an obnoxious all-encompassing drag it is, and my Survivor review was a necessary casualty. I just don't feel like reliving last season with my usual obsessive depth--we need to move on. But, me being me, I couldn't just cancel season nine reviews entirely--I am NOT the NHL, after all. So, here goes:

SURVIVOR: VANUATU, FINAL THOUGHTS

There was no "gross-out eating challenge" this season. Yay!

I hope this is the last time we do men vs. women, it's played out.

The pig reward challenge was the most anti-climactic reward in Survivor history. All that set up, keep the pig sfe, protect the pig, don't eat the pig. Then it's like, ooh, present it to the Chief! And then he's all, yeah, already got one so...here you go. And then the winners just let it wander off instead of, gee, I dunno. Bringing it home to EAT? lame.

Knowing that Jeff is dating Julie--yes, pig-tailed and robotic half-his age Julie-- is like a knife to my heart.

Also, Jeff's play by play during the challenges has gotten very irksome.

Okay, here's my BIG complaint about this season: Twila did not deserve all the flak she took for her "big lie" and swearing on her son, blah blah blah. Because here's what happened: she swore she was with LeAnn and Ami, and they told her RIGHT TO HER FACE that they didn't believe her. And in my book, if I promised I was going to do something and they rolled their eyes and smirked and said "I don't feel good about that, I feel guarded," or whatever, my reaction would be, "Okay, you know what? Fine. Promise OFF." Chris was such a big fat liar during the whole game, and just like Richard Hatch in Season One, he gets respect for being a "great player," while Twila gets dissed for beingtwo-faced like Kelly did. It blows.

LeAnn and Ami SUCK. What a couple of self-righteous babies. They're dumb enough to make Twila feel uincertain about her place in their endgame, their stupid enough to tell Scout straight out (so to speak) that she's not in their Final Four, and then they betray their own "Girls Rule" code of honor or whatever the hell, and target Eliza, rather than dumping Chris, and then they have the audacity to resent Scout and Twila for playing the game in the way that benefitted THEM, not Ami and LeAnn. And girls, your stupid pink unicorn girl power myth crumbled because of YOU. And who the hell cares anyway that a woman's alliance never lasted before? Women have won Survivor five out of nine times already without it.

And, while I'm on the topic of Ami, MAN what a bitch. Scout looks out for herself, which is her RIGHT when playing a game of ultimate survival and Ami grumbles, "She' not part of any rainbow I know of," or whatever, like Scout's not cool enough to be gay anymore because Ami gets to decide who's woman enough to be a woman and lesbian enough to be lesbian and OH YEAH, she's the most kind and moral person she knows. Uh, yeah. Except anyone who's truly kind would see goodness in others and never think to declare themselves the kindest person they know. Bleh, Ami's in the pantheon of my most hated Survivors ever (but Lil still stands alone at the top).

The moment when Twila told Chris to recruit Eliza into a foursome with them and Scout was one of THE BEST SURVIVOR POWER SWITCHES ever. Scout and Twila finally did what the other girls refused to do--got passed how annoyed they were at Eliza and focused on the game. LeAnn's ouster was TV gold--especially Chad and Sarge's barely contained glee.

Eliza won a car--and did not win the million dollars. The car curse is still in full-effect (I am of the school that doesn't count Amber because she didn't win the challenge, Chachi did and just took her with him. By the way, as part of my reviews of Season 10, I WILL be updating you on Chachi and AMbuh's progress on "The Amazing Race." Should be irritating :D

Chris didn't need to be such a smug bastard in regards to Eliza and Julie. He could have just told them he was sticking with Twila and Scout because he felt he could beat them or whatever. Instead, he took such glee in needlessly blindsiding them.

I actually really enjoyed all the animosity between Eliza, Scout and Twila at the end. It was funny.

That vertical maze challenge KICKED ASS!!! Kudos Survivor, for coming up with something so cool.

It never ceases to make me chuckle when all the losers are interviewed at the end and they all insist they were too moral and good to win the game. As Twila said to Ami, "You been had--Screw you!!" Heh heh. Word.

Final Tribal Council was pretty good. Eliza asking for an apology from Chris and Twila was a laughable wasy for us to say goodbye to poor, entitled little motormouthed Eliza. Chris did, but I gotta give Twila props for telling eliza to get bent. I liked Sarge up until his cruel rant against Twila, Get over yourself >:( Chris was a big ol' liar too--and oh yeah, he voted you out.

I disn't mind the way Chris played the game until the very end--he was so slick and deferential to everybody, it just made me feel like he's huckster in real life too. I mean, it worked and everything, so he's got the money and who cares what I have to say, I just wish he didn't go out like such a little wieny.

And yes, I did love Jeff's parachuting out of a plane and then mororcylcing away and boy howdy did I love him in that baseball shirt. But ugh, Julie? JULIE!? I....I need time, people....

But I won't get it!

Twenty Americans are stranded in Palau, the South Pacific paradise some call the 8th natural wonder of the world, where colorful wildlife, dense jungles and an underwater world beyond belief are haunted by the wreckage and remnants of World War II. From the beginning, the game will be changed in a dramatic way: everything the Survivors have come to expect will be wiped out in the first 10 minutes. Who will outwit, outplay, and outlast all others in Palau? Get to know the new Survivors now, and don't miss a single episode of SURVIVOR: PALAU, premiering Thursday, February 17 at 8 pm ET/PT, only on CBS.

Nifty, eh? Maybe they'll find Amelia Earhart. There's 20 contestants this time, which makes me angry. Who needs it? Lousy expansion Survivors. If you check out the cast at cbs.com, you'll note it's a fairly young group--yeah, no more of this old people getting rid of all the young people stuff, it really hacked off Mark Burnett. But it should be fun--they're not getting any help, apparantly, and it sounds like they may have to compete to get in the game, so we might not be at 20 for very long. Anyway, it should be fun and I promise, I've ordered a full-season pick-up of Survivor Reviews now that I'm settled.

Peace Out!