Survivor 8.13 Shii's Come Undone

Although she DID know what she was heading for. Work is frying my brain and gobbling my time so the next two reviews are going to be on the short-side (for me). I HOPE to get off the next one either Tonight or Friday night, rather than having to roll it into the Finale review. I will be traveling during the Finale so please, don't call me! I won't be able to watch until late Sunday night (my plane lands @ 9:30). If my VCR doesn't tape it, those in the LA area can expect a frantic phone call <:o

JENNA HELLA BUGS

A beautiful morning greets the remaining Chattanooga Choo Choos, but Shii Ann can't really enjoy the nice weather, since she knows she's doomed unless she can get two of the Three Stooges (Jenna, Tom and Rupert) to rise up and smite their overlords, Chachi and Ambuh. The Blue Bird of Irritation sings his annoyed song for Poor Jenna, Queen of the Plantains, which she calls "planteeeeens," even though that's not how you say it. "I'm cooking two coconuts but no planteeeeens, if you want planteeeeens, you'd better get 'em yourself 'cuz I'm not making them even though getting and cooking the planteeeeeens is my main job!" Then Rupert returns from fishing with a nice haul and Chachi patronizes him, "Rupaht, you dah man!" For some reason, Rupert always seems compelled to undercut his achievement by insisting that EVEN BIGGER fish got away from him, I don't really get it. Anyway, Rupert has a rare moment of Non-Doormatness, and decides to cook himself a fish before cleaning any of the other fish and cooking them up for the others. It's his "pal" Jenna who remarks passive-aggressively, 'Wow, usually you gut and clean and cook a fish for each of us." Jenna yammers to us about how she's just a wee little thing who'd be crushed by the tides so she couldn't fish even if she wanted to, "What if I decided to only get planteeeens for myself and only cook enough planteeeens for me!? What would happen!?" Ummm, I'm guessing everyone would stroll over to the nearest tree and pick their own damned plantains, Jenna. She berates Rupert, who has had it with the lazy tribe, "Don't be mad at me, Jenna. I mean, how many fish have the others caught? How many fish have they cleaned?" Jenna sighs heavily in frustration, "I'm not TALKING about everyone else, I'm talking about ME! You needed to clean and cook a fish for ME! It's ALL about ME! Planteeeeen! UGGGH!!!" Rupert tells us wearily, "Jenna's a pain in the ASS and I'm sorry I have an alliance with her!" Way ahead of ya, big guy. The fight gives Shii Ann false hope that she could throw over Jenna since nobody likes her, but that's exactly her value in the game--who'd give her the million bucks? I'm guessing nobody.

SUPER-NASTY EATING CONTEST WITH LOVED ONES FROM HOME

The Survivors are surprised by their loved ones at the Reward Challenge--Amber and Shii Ann's moms, Jenna and Chachi's brothers, Rupert's wife and Big Tom's son all arrive and everyone cries. Rupert and his wife (who kinda looks like 60's singer Melanie) make out and everyone gets uncomfortable. Then they find out that it's the family members who have to eat the gross thing, as was the case in Thailand. Amber gets props for me for being happy that her mom is out on the first object, a big ol' fish head, saying "Now you don't have to eat anything else!" Shii Ann's mother has trouble with the fish head, and that surprised me because in Thailand Shii Ann went on and on about how in her family they ate the whole fish--the eyes and the guts and what-not, and it freaked Dumbb Robb out. Shii's mother is more sensitive than her daughter, obviously, and is out next on a cockroach. Bleh, I hate the gross food challenge, I really do. Rupert's wife can't choke down the Marinated Stink Meat. Next up is a truly sick giant spider. Jenna's brother Jie (spelling?) drinks water to wash it down and Jeff disqualifies him and OF COURSE Poor Jenna's brother is as whiny and entitled as she is. He keeps insisting Jeff didn't tell him he couldn't drink water until they were done with the spider, but he finally relents. Big baby. Next up is a live squirmy grub and Tom's kid Bucky Bo slams it down in less than two seconds to win the prize, a Survivor par-TAY over at Old Shakira with his son and one other tribe member of his choice and their loved one. The girls implore Tom to reunite Rupert with his wife but Big Tom naturally chooses to pay homage to his master, Chachi.

ANIMAL SHELTER

Tom, Bucky Bo, Chachi and Mike are treated to some pizza and beer at Old Shakira. The boys get loaded and swang on the swang and what-not. Big Tom mumbles drunkenly, "Ah whish ahs here wi' mah waff er mah nayber's sister." Then he insists he didn't take Rupert and his wife because he was creeped out by their long slobbery kiss earlier, even though the truth is he really doesn't care much for Rupert. Frankly, I'd have thought a big ol' perve like Tom would pick Rupert and his wife in the HOPES of seeing them "reunite" but Tom's priority (like Rupert's in the previous reward) is sucking up to Chachi. Chachi is pleases, "We pahteed hahd! Beer good!" He goes for a walk with his brother so that he can fill him in on his genius so far, "I asked Lex tuh keep Ambuh as a favuh tuh me and the dumbass keptuh!" I join Chachi and Mike in mocking Lex's stupidity. Mike is concerned that Chachi is banking so much on his trust in Amber, while Big Tom frets to his son bout his place in Chachi's Big Picture. The next morning, the boys return to Chattanooga Choo Choo, where Rupert wants to put them to work. Bucky Bo the farm boy works his tail off fetching wood, which fills his dad with pride, while Mike follows his brother's lead and sits around and hits on Amber. Later, Rupert takes Bo fishing and the Pelican of DEATH foreshadows the demise of one of the Hawaiian slings, as Bo promptly loses one of the spearheads the same way Shawn did in the Pearl Islands. Rupert pretends to be mad, but you know he's really glad that there's now only one spear--HIS. Chachi laughs, "Bo is ah bigguh dumb-ass den 'is dad!" Yeah, well your brother is as creepy as you AH, Rob.

IMMUNITY LIMERICK

To win you must build a big fire
And run to the beach--do not tire
If your flame stays lit
Then pretty you'll sit
Unconcerned about Chachi the Liar

This challenge was first seen in Australia--you build a fire on one end of a see-saw, and on the other, you fill a bucket with water in order to lift your fire up so that it will fire up a torch and blow some fireworks and Yay! you win. Many of you may remember this challenge as "The one Keith tried to cheat on." This go around, everyone pretty much sucks--Chachi, Amber, Jenna and Rupert all run out of matches before they can get a sustainable fire going, which goes the challenge some pop because Shii Ann really does have hope of pulling of another stunning victory to force Chachi and Ambuh's hand, but alas, Big Tom rises to the challenge and wins. Good sport Shii Ann gives a big hug of congratulations. Jeff tells the tribe, "You have the afternoon to decide who goes home--oh, who am I kidding?"

SHII'S GOT GAME

Shii Ann will not go quietly onto that good jury, and lobbies hard for the others to dump Poor Jenna rather than her. Big Tom is very open to the idea, since Jenna is his only really rival for the Final Three beside Chachi and Amber--he knows they like her worthlessness and he knows they want to get rid of Rupert's likeability ASAP (Tom's not nearly as dumb as Chachi thinks, and he's got the jury in the bag, I think). but Tom has no real power and will only sign on if Shii can swing the others. Rupert wants Jenna gone, but he's got that pesky morality thing going and won't betray his alliance no matter how obnoxious she gets. Amber is intrigued by the idea and the two women bitch a little about Poor Jenna, who then sidles up to them and asks what they're talking about. Shii Ann protects Amber, "We were talking about all the great food I'm gonna eat tonight at the hotel," and Jenna buys it. She complains, "Shii Ann is a scrambler and I can't STAND her. Put it this way--when she opens her mouth, I want to put a gun in mine." I know EXACTLY what she means. Also, I hate how Jenna and Rob take anyone else's attempt to stay alive in the game as a personal affront. I'd love to see the inexplicably-arrogant Jenna ousted next week, but I think she's a lock for the Final Three (more on that later). Shii Ann tries to sway Chachi, but he doesn't want to decide who he's been lying to until he absolutely has to--which is actually a good move on his part. I he votes Shii Ann out, no one's angry at him, not even Shii Ann, who knows it's coming.

NO TIME FOR A QUIZ :I

Colby's final immunity win, and his decision to take Tina with him at the end, was the winning "most-memorable" immunity win for most of those who voted. There will be no quiz this time because I hope to be writing the next review within 48 hours of this one (ha!) and won't have enough time to hear from most of you. But thanks for all your participation this season :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D And for those of you who never voted, man, did you miss out on some fun! :p

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff begins by asking Jenna a loaded question about who's working and who isn't, and Poor Jenna is stupid enough to call the boss lazy right in front of him, "Rupert does almost all the work except for what Big Tom does and then I do all the planteeeeeens...Rob...uh...fishes. Sort of." Chachi defends himself by saying he attempts to fish as much as Rupert, he's just not as productive when he does--oh, so it's NOT like grabbing fish in a pet store, eh Chach? Amber finds the paranoia around camp, "annoying," which is funny since she's the root of much of it. Naive Rupert laments the "fracturing" of the tribe, because he's the only one who truly believed they were ever united. Then Jenna brings up Rupert's eating the fish he caught before serving any to anybody else, and Jeff expresses MY frustration with Rupert, "Rupert, if you're gonna insist on being the sole fish-provider, you're gonna have to not get mad when everyone takes you up on it." Though I do agree with Rupert that the others could do the cleaning and cooking. Jenna jumps in, "Yes, what if I decided that I was just gona pick enough planteeeeens for me, and only cook enough planteeens for myself? It would be anarchy!!!!" Seriously, plantains are like bananas and she's acting like it's this great chore to wrangle them to camp and cook them. Amber echoes Shii Ann's earlier assertion that Rupert deserves to eat his fish whenever the hell he wants. Then Shii Ann calls Jenna out on her insidious controlling-of-the-food and wonders aloud why Rupert and Jenna DON'T use her and Big Tom to split up the power couple of Chachi and Ambuh, or verse visa. It's SO obvious, she eye-rolls, which I suspect is the reason Shii Ann tends to be on the outs with whatever tribe she finds herself on--she can't suppress those judging, superior eyerolls. I give her major props for venting at Tribal Council--I wish more people would when they KNOW they're going home. Jeff seems peeved though, "You get everything out?" Uh, Jeff, it's not like any of the rest of these jokers are gonna be interesting tonight so let her go off! Shii Ann finishes, "I was thinking I'd vote for the person I find least-deserving and most-annoying and most-likely to count how many PLANT-ihns everyone eats, but instead, I'm voting for the person who I think is playing the best game and who I think might win the whole thing." I hope Chachi thought it was gonna be him.

Shii Ann is out 5-1. She casts her vote for a bemused Amber "out of respect." Jenna angrily tells Shii Ann where to stick it but then puts a passive-aggressive little smiley around her name--just own it, Jenna, honestly. Shii Ann is a wild card of a juror--so far she's the only one who wasn't lied to and she doesn't seem to have any real hard feelings for anybody. Tonight? Gotta be Rupert going unless he wins immunity and dooms Big Tom. Although Chachi may be chomping at the bit to chop Big Tom loose because Lex told Kath who told him that Tom was gonna side with Lex against Chachi--even though that's not what happened. Also, Chachi might be savvy enough to realize that Big Tom is a chauvinist who won't vote to give the million for a "whahman" unless he HAS to, wheras Rupert prefers women to men. Jenna's not going to turn away from Chachi and Ambuh, who both know that Jenna is probably a ticket to the million, since even bitter Kath and Lex don't see her as worthy enough to win. Jenna's the ONLY player in the game who doesn't stand a chance of winning the title of SOLE SURVIVOR, in my opinion (I think I said that about the other Jenna, and look how that turned out).

"I've not lied to you. Yet." Shii Ann Huang, 2002

Peace! :D Christine