Survivor 8.12 Shii's All That

But no bag of chips until she wins it at a Reward Challenge--them's the rules. Okay, how scary is it that I'm starting to pull for Big Tom as a more palatable alternative to Chachi? I know, it's crazy talk. But Tom's playing a might shrewd game. No, REALLY, he is. It's frightening.

THE SHII STANDS ALONE

Morning at Chattanooga Choo Choo. Shii Ann is cursing Kath's being dispatched by the "smug, horrible Shakirans." She is now the lone Eggo. She approaches Chachi, "Godfather, I realize your mind may be already made up but my commitment to the game of Survivor compels me to humbly ask if there's anyway that I might stay and you might choose another to go next?" "Nah." "Crap." "Yeah." He tells her she need to win immunity and that he needs it too. When she reiterates what he JUST said about his being vulnerable (specifically that she'd be shocked if he made it to the Final Two), he gets ticked off. Chachi's gotten pretty used to his ass being kissed. Shii Ann to stir the pot (not the rice one, the figurative one) while Chachi goes to the shelter and mocks her in front of his stooges. It's very junior high school cafeteria. SHe's talking to Tom on the beach and the others are all watching her. Chachi complains, "Look a' her tryin' t' play duh game instead of jus' sittin' back and lettin' us voht 'er out. She was taakin' tuh me, sayin' look out feh dis person an' whatnot, tryne tuh imply dat you all ain't loyal tuh me no moh." Everyone jumps to their own defense, "How DARE SHE! We are all 100% loyal to you, Godfather. We would NEVER attempt to get further in the game at your expense, oh baseball-capped one!" Stupid lemmings. Tree Mail arrives, and the poem implies that the winner of the Reward will have to determine who gets to eat what. Rupert chimes in, "Well, I'm ah good person as ye' all know, so I'd like ever'one tuh eat." It has been so stormy that even the might Rupert has been unable to fish. The Tree Mail has come with a funny mask, which Tom promptly puts on his head--you'd think it was a toilet seat or something. He starts making ooga-booga chants--you know, like how them funny people talked over thar in Africa--which prompts Rob to declare him a "dumbass." I'd say that was the pot calling the kettle black, but I'd be afraid Omorosa might read this and call me a racist, so I won't.

SUPER CRUEL REWARD QUIZ

Jeff greets everyone as they share a chuckle at the giant masks which hang before them, decorated to resemble them--Chachi's wearing a Red Sox cap, Rupert has a beard, Alicia has cornrows, etc. Poor Jenna laughs, "Amber and I are the same person except with slightly different hair." Amber frowns, "I don't know, you're more "cute" whereas I'm more classically beautiful--oh the MASKS, yes, our masks are very similar Jenna, you're right." Jeff tells them they all have to fill out a questionnaire about the others. Then they'll all guess who the MAJORITY of the tribe picked as the answer to each question--each time you get a right answer, you get to chop a rope which releases a smashing-rod towards the mask of another player--three chops and you're mask gets smashed. "The winner will decide what everyone gets to eat at the Reward Feast. One person will get steak, and the meals will decline until one poor person, let's call her "Shii Ann," will eat cold rice and warm camp water."

Now, this game is designed to be very revealing (note the heavy symbolism of the giant masks being torn down) and it is and it isn't. It is because no one's going to hold back on the people who are perceived as not being in power, but it isn't in that people are going to shield those who they feel DO have power. In other words, no one's gonna say anything bad about Chachi, even if they really do think he's dumber than he thinks or doesn't deserve to be there or what have you. No one's hooked up to a polygraph here--you don't have to reveal anything you don't want to, so it's the weaker members of the tribe who get loaded-up on. The first question is 'Who do you trust with your LIFE," and Rob gets the most votes (Tom and Rupert both guessed themselves, not surprisingly). Alicia makes a big arrogant show of chopping Shii Ann, because who the hell cares, she's outta there, right? This is the "pecking order" game that doomed the Smugglies on Marquesas. Amber's smarter and more diplomatic than those goons ever were and wisely spreads all her chops around. I have to give Amber her props--she's in a place of power in the tribe, but she doesn't go out of her way to alienate Shii Ann because she knows that things can change. In Australia, all her eggs were in Jerri's basket and when she went, Amber didn't have a prayer. Here, she allows for the possibility--however remote, that she may need to deal with Shii Ann being in control. The next question is "Who Doesn't Deserve to Be an All-Star?" and Shii Ann ties with Alicia (most-likely meaning we had a 3 for each and one vote for a third candidate) and Alicia is miffed. Rob chooses to eliminate Tom before Shii Ann, perhaps sending him a message about Lex? Alicia is in for more hurt feelings when she's voted as being "under the false assumption that she's smart." Yeouch. "I don't like these people anymore," she half-jokes. Amber is unanimously the one who "uses sex as a weapon," ditto Jenna as "never shuts up." That's probably her Indian name. Rupert winds up winning.

ALICIA LOSES HER COOL

Alicia is naturally hacked-off at her tribe, "It's not cool! It's not cool to be insulted by a bunch of people, and then have to go live with them!" Rob is predictably amused by her pain--that's what I really hate about Chachi, he's so pathetically insecure and any time someone is good at something or strong or smaaaaht, it threatens him and he gets mean. Any way, the gals all go down to beach to chop vegetables of something-- and it totally reminded me of when Porn Star Brian said that thing about how interesting it was that women just naturally gravitated to doing the "women's work" around camp like doing the dishes and I WILL allow that Chachi winning would still not be as bad as when Brian won. ANY WAY, Poor Jenna tries to cheer-up a scowling Alicia, "Are you okay? If it'll help I'm a big mouth, according to all you guys, and I'm not pouting about it." "Did everyone call you a stupid idiot who didn't deserve to be here?" "Ummm....well, no but Rob called me a stupid idiot and you did TIE with Shii Ann here as not-deserving to be here, right?" Alicia continues to stew, which frustrates Amber, "Alicia's being a big baby and the more unpleasant she is around camp the more likely it is that she'll be voted out." It's funny that Amber WASN'T a top vote-getter in the Least-Deserving Derby, considering she only made the cast because Colleen Haskell and Elizabeth Filarski Hasselback turned it down, I'm just saying. Jenna continues to pester Alicia with aggressive, unwanted comfort, "I'm a mom, it's my job and you're hurt!" "You're not MY Mom," Alicia growls. She suspects Jenna is one of the people who voted her as the least-deserving and dumbest, and tells her to leave her alone, "Jenna and I have ZERO connection--she's the last person I'd got to for comfort. The. Last. Person. Jenna hella bugs." When she can't inflict her will on Alicia, Poor Jenna goes to Rupert and tells him to give everyone a choice, sort of, in picking the meals. Rupert is worried, "This is what killed me in the Pearl Islands/ I let the pecking order be known...then I was gone." Jenna bosses, "Don't be a martyr as USUAL, Rupert. Don't take the lowest thing, give that damned Shii Ann the rice--" "Oh ah'm givin' Shii Ann the rice, don' worry." "Good we have to keep our four strong. You, me, Amber and Rob are unbeatable! We have the numbers and theirs nothing that could POSSIBLY CHANGE THAT!!!" It's really just sad how much faith Jenna and Rupert have put in Amber and Chachi. Jenna then tells us, "I LOVE Rupert, but strategy-wise...he sucks and he needs me around to tell him what to do!" Jenna hella bugs.

CHEZ PECKING ORDER

Everyone arrives at the Cafe Romantica (seriously) where Jeff sits Rupert at the head of the table. He gets first pick and takes the best prize--a steak dinner and all the alcohol he can drink. He gives The Godfather next pick, and Chachi takes a hamburger. Chachi is pleased that Rupert clearly believes in their "alliance of four." Poor Jenna picks next and gets the indescribably horrible and bizarre combination of a hot dog and a glass of orange juice, pleh! Amber chooses the ham/bologna/something sandwich, Alicia's next with a salad, Big Tom gets a plate of diced potatoes and Shii Ann gets stuck with the rice and camp water. "Leave the Asian girl with the rice," she jokes which offends Jenna, "We're not treating Shii Ann like garbage because were racists, we're treating her like garbage because we're invincible creeps!" Tom is also non-thrilled with his cold potatoes, "Thiy se' ih whas uh fahv store restrihnt buh ah woon hit a dawg with ih in the hind end cuz ah got a tater'n it was cawld!" So...hitting a dog in the hind end with something, that's a good thing? Zuh? Big Tom's sayings are so arbitrary. Shii Ann continues to joke, hoping that her horribly camp water is at least boiled, which I thought was a genuinely funny joke to make, then she comments that the crap food tastes better than it would at camp because to the romantic lighting. Jeff fidgets, "Well, uh, this is getting awkward so...I'm gonna go over and eat MY steak, over at Mark Burnett's table. Cheers!" Chachi mocks, "The 5th, 6th an' 7th people weuh gonna voht out wuhn't happy but whadda dey gonna do abow it?" Nothing, because Tom and Alicia see this as Rupert's delusion, not reality. Shii Ann starts in on quilting the others about how good their food looks and Jenna is peeved, "Shii Ann is OBNOXIOUS. Shut up already!" As IF Jenna wouldn't be annoying if SHE had to eat cold rice as everyone else eats good food right in front of her. The challenge is DESIGNED to make people feel bad, why should Shii Ann let you off the hook? Why should she be nice? What does that get her? You've told her to her face you all want her gone, so why should she just sit back and take it? Rupert proceeds to get lit up on beers but not in an interesting way, and everyone else enjoys a little nap on the restaurant's fancy napkins--it's another Beverly Hillbillies moment for Shakira.

PICK A LITTLE, PLOT A LITTLE

Gearing up for the Immunity Challenge, Chachi and AMber sing the Chattanooga Choo choo song as he crows, "Weah gonna kick Shii Ann's ass outta heuh so we don' have to listen to college-girl no moh!" Shii Ann tells Rupert she's gonna try really hard to win, and Rupert claims, 'Ah'm not gonna kill myself because ah don' think ah'm on the block." "Oh, you're not. But can you at least CONSIDER for a moment that getting rid of Mariano is the smartest thing for EVERYONE ELSE in this game!? Come ON, it's SO obvious!!!" Rupert nods, "Yeah, I've talked to my boss, Jenna, about that but I'm we're in Rob's super-strong alliance of four so...we're gonna stick with that." Shii Ann continues to sow seeds, "There are people here who'd switch if they knew they had the majority." That's giving them too much credit, actually, but it's cute that she thinks this. Elsewhere, Alicia and Big Tom discuss voting out Rupert before Shii Ann and their mutual worriation over Amber and Chachi's unbreakable bond, but it still doesn't occur to them to stage a coup. They're counting on being three and four with the same confidence as Jenna and Rupert. Alicia insists, "The original core of Shakira is STRONG--we can't lose. But the only person I have an actual alliance with is Rob--we shook hands even. But do I trust him? Of course I don't." Sigh. Once again, a Survivor CLAIMS they don't trust somebody when in fact they clearly do or why would they behave the way they do? Alicia is making the mistake of many many fallen contestants: she recognizes Rob as a snake, but is mistakenly confident that he's not gonna turn on HER, and, well, certainly not NOW. Chachi and Big Tom go off to strategize, and Big Tom says it'd be a miracle if Shii Ann won immunity. Chachi agrees but still, wisely, wants to plan for that eventuality. Tom feels Shii Ann is infinitely more beatable than Rupert, and that they need to oust him, he plays upon Chachi's insecurities, "It's lahk this, if Shii Ann whins, it's gowna hurt choo moren me." Chachi agrees, "Ah have tuh win--dey hate me. Rupuht tried to buy me off wit' dat hambuhguh but ah know bettuh den dat!" Chachi's continued paranoia in the face of everyone's loyalty is almost Nixonian. Tom lobbies hard to eliminate Rupert. Back at camp, Shii Ann tries to engage Alicia in some strategizing but Alicia isn't biting, "I don't wanna hear it," she barks, "There's already a plan to get rid of you and it's too late to change it!" Unlike Jenna, Shii Ann knows when to back-off, "Okay, I appreciate that," she lies. And I hate to say it, but Alicia is under the false assumption that's she's smart. Because if Shii Ann wins immunity, how can it NOT occur to her that she might be next--being TIED with Shii-Ann in her tribemates minds as LEAST DESERVING TO BE THERE. Do the math, girl!

IMMUNITY LIMERICK

When her head is up on the block
And she needs to do more than just talk
Shii Ann takes a stand
Let's give her a hand
For cleaning the Shakiran's clock

Immunity is a BATTLE OF WILL, the same challenge that doomed Clarence in Africa, after he was runner-up to T-Bird. Teresa vowed not to vote for him, and threw a meaningless vote to Lex who freaked out and turned on Kelly the following vote. The contestants stand on logs with one arm held over their heads and tethered to a big water bucket. If their arm dips or moves to much, the bucket dumps on their head and they're out. Amber is out in 4 minutes and Shii Ann goads, "You don't need it anyway," which riles up Poor Jenna, "No one knows who's SAFE, Shii Ann!" She's all righteously indignant even though she has no idea how seriously Chachi and Amber are about taking out Rupert. She thinks she DOES know who's safe, and she's wrong. Jenna and Big Tom are also both out quickly. When Tom goes out, Shii Ann implores Rupert to fight, "You can't let Rob keep winning." "Damn straight," he mutters. Jenna rallies the troops against Shii Ann, "Her arm is moving--you guys are good! She will aflter and we will win and the Eggos will be no more!!" Jeff needles, "So, I take it there are no secrets in camp?" "No, there isn't," Jenna petulantly chirps, completely unaware of what's really going on. Gah! She hella bugs. Shii Ann chuckles, "Oh there's secrets, young fool. not about who you want out next, but their are secrets." Jenna retorts by sticking out her tongue. Alicia is gone in 40 minutes, and her bucket splatters all over Jeff, which tickles them to no end. Laugh it up, guys, I'm getting a warm bath tonight," he sniffs. Shii Ann shrewdly continues to root-on Rupert, perhaps knowing he prefers to be aligned with women and he's a sucker for friendship. Damn, that came out more cynically than I'd planned. After an hour, Jeff marvels at the fact that Shii Ann hasn't moved a muscle. Rupert whispers in awe, "Shii Ann, you are TOUGH," to which she replies easily, "Dude, I'm gonna win." Loved It! :D Then Chachi gets distracted by a bug on his arm and dumps his bucket, hee. Loved it even more!! :D He lasted an impressive hour and a half. EWveryone on the bench implores Rupert to win, and Rupert seems to be the only one impressed with Shii Ann's determination and strength. You can see in his eyes that he KNOWS she's going to win, and he probably fears retribution. After over two hours, Rupert falters and Shii Ann exults in victory, "TAKE THAT!!!" she shrieks to the bench o'bullies. "Be careful," Alicia growls, "Don't forget you have to come back and live with us now." Yeah, Alicia, wouldn't it suck if you ostracized her and didn't talk to her and totally treated her like crap? Yeah, she'd better watch her step. Shii Ann is weepy as she tells them, "Hey, I love you guys but I really needed this and I won it!" Alicia glowers, "Don't get too cocky." ZUh? Because you're the one who had NO idea that you're going home tonight, sweetie. That's cocky. Rupert is the only one who congratulates her.

QUIZ TIME :D :D :D :D :D :D :D It's FUN!

You know, I'll bet if Jeff asked you guys to answer a quiz, you'd ALL do it. Of those who answered the Amazing Race question, Clay and Porn Star Brian "won" in a landslide--although Nancy was conflicted, "I don't watch the Amazing Race. Does anyone get injured? If so...send in Clay, PLEASE!" I respect that. Jenna and Heidi were close runners-up.

WHOSE IMMUNITY WIN(S) WERE MOST MEMORABLE TO YOU?

A) Kelly in Borneo, winning the last four to foil Rich and company's plan to oust her
B) Colby in Australia, choosing to take Tina and not Keith after Final Immunity win
C) Sir Matt in the Amazon, saving himself by swallowing a live critter
D) Jenna in the Amazon, wresting control from Smart Rob
E) Darrah in the Pearl Islands, keeping Immunity from Burton
F) How could you forget when _______!? (Explain)

I left out when Hatch built that damned fire in Borneo, because I now believe he wasn't in any real danger of being voted out, despite what I'd hoped at the time. Hope to hear from you :)

STUPID, STUPID PEOPLE

Shii Ann tells everyone back at camp, "I wasn't trying to gloat, I was just stoked about foiling your plot to get me out of the game, you know?" Jenna snaps, "EVERYONE gets excited when they win Immunity," and I have NO IDEA who she's annoyed at: Shii Ann for winning? Alicia for being annoyed at Shii Ann? Shii Ann AND Alicia for breathing? Alicia defends her annoyance to the camera, "Shii Ann was trying to throw it in our face," she huffs, even though her use of the collective term "our" to describe "everyone but Shii Ann" makes it obvious to ME why Shii Ann would be compelled to give them the finger. Shii Ann wanders off and the rest scoff, "Let her enjoy her moment," Jenna sneers. The fact that one of them is leaving tonight isn't mentioned. Shii Ann crows to the only person who'll listen--the camera guy, "I'm so stoked that those proud Choo Choo's are gonna have to eat one of their own tonight. Look at them over their, ignoring me when they should be cutting deals. Stupid People. Let me say that again, STUPID STUPID PEOPLE!" Word UP, Shii Ann. She lobbies Tom to oust Chachi, who watches from camp and taunts her attempts to dare win HIS game, "Look at all the strategizing goin' on." He's having difficulty deciding whether to cut loose Alicia or Rupert or Tom or Jenna--you know, the one's he's not sleeping with. He tells us it's probably gonna be Alicia. This IS the smartest play here because if he betrays Rupert NOW, Jenna freaks out and joins Tom and Shii Ann in the Angry Orphans Tribe. Cutting out Alicia only serves to convince Rupert and Jenna and possibly even Tom that they're safe. Amber is the only one who bothers to consult with Shii Ann: she wants Rupert or Poor Jenna to go next, while Shii Ann is pulling for Rupert or Rob, because of their physical strength, "But I know you're doing--I mean, TRUSTING Rob at this point." Amber reveals, "I trust him...and I think even if I'm lying to him he's gonna trust me." Shii Ann is rather taken aback by Amber's honesty, and re-evaluates the easily dismissed pretty-girl as a force to be reckoned with in the game. Amusingly, Rob says almost the same exact thing about Amber that she did about him. He tells us that she trusts HIM 100%, even if he may play her down the line--ah, young love. They're trying to make us think Amber might turn on Chachi at this point, but America's not going for it.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Lex and Kath delight at the sight of an Immunity-cloaked Shii Ann, who beams at them from amongst her enemies. Jeff brings up how, ahem, "vocal" she was after the challenge and she replies, "This tribe has been very up-front and honest with me about my place in this tribe--teetering on the brink of expulsion at all times and just generally not-liked. So, I'm alone in this and they were all against me and I won and I went a little nuts--so what? Like they could hate me MORE than they already do? Please." Rupert praises Shii Ann's fight and laments his Reward-win. He fears he's a target now that he's revealed his pecking order, but fear not, Tom and Alicia are too beholden to Chachi to worry about you, big man. Alicia blathers naively about the strength of the bond between the original Shakira tribe who've been together since Day One. Jeff asks Shii Ann if people came to her to cut deals and she says no, "This tribe is interesting in that no one seems to want to take the leadership role and say, 'This person needs to go," which is actually very diplomatic since Amber and Chachi are undoubtedly calling the shots and she knows it. Poor Jenna has to whine, "That makes us sound DUMB!" No, honey, you do that all by yourself. She goes on, "Maybe we're not telling stupid Shii Ann anything because we don't want her to know our super secret plan so nyaaaaah!" It's all coming back to me why I hated her in the first season--and why her own tribe cast votes at her instead of Hatch when they merged.

Alicia is stunned to be go down in a hail of votes, 6-1. Chachi is typically childish and angry when he casts his, "Dis is payback fuh darin' tuh ahgue wit' me, way back on day three!" Jeff warns, "Shii Ann was very honest about how "respectful" you all were to her in letting her know you hate her guts, yet Alicia had no idea you hated her guts, even though you called her stupid and Non-Star at the Reward Challenge. Something to think about, isn't that right, Motor Mouth?" Jenna tosses her hair, "I'm in the strongest alliance in the HISTORY of Survivor alliances, Jeff, so THERE."

Predictions? As much as I'd like to Shii Ann continue to gum up the works, she's outta there tonight unless Rob and Amber decide to take out Rupert first and I don't really want to see that because I thing Rupert has a better shot at beating Rob down the line (hence him wanting Rupert gone.) I think Big Tom, Rupert and Jenna are going to let their chance to use Shii Ann to break-up the love birds slip right by. Each of them feels confident they can get to four and then duke it out in immunity--Chachi has played them all beautifully. And I think he knows his only chance of winning, with the jury of the bitter and betrayed he's assemble, will be to go in with his cohort Amber or the obnoxious Jenna (I take back everything I said last week about not getting why Kath doesn't want Jenna to win--Jenna HELLA bugs). I'd love to see anyone take out Rob--even Amber. She's playing a more subtle game, as is Big Tom, who again feels like the only person who couldn't POSSIBLY be voted out tonight. I think it's Shii Ann or it's Rupert going home tonight, which sucks.

"I will ALWAYS wave my finger in your face!" Alicia Callaway, 2001


Peace! Christine :D