Survivor 8.2 "The waiting is the hardest part"

Anyone else waiting for something to, you know, happen? Fortunately, the novelty of having this all-star cast hasn't worn off yet but there's a lot of people here that are SUPPOSED to be interesting who are playing things way to safe. It's a problem with bringing back people who were ousted before--everyone's being too cautious to be interesting.

SURVIVOR RAINWATER REVIVAL

The Yogi's are down in dumps--not only is Tina gone, but they had been SO sure they'd be leaving Tribal Council with their fire-bearing torches, they left a pot full of contaminated well water on their fire pit, rather than leaving it empty and able to collect clean rain water. Ethan complains that he's hungry and Jerri complains that she was so cold last night that she doesn't sleep. Then Rudy starts talking about his service in the Viet Nam war and since no one is actually shooting at them, the others are forced to quit whining. For now. Jerri marvels at Rudy's ability to sleep on the cold ground and drink brain parasite, while Poor Jenna shrugs, "Once Rudy decides to do something stupid, there's no point in trying to get him to stop." Rudy tells a story about his military service, that a neighboring bar used to serve drinks with ice cubes that came from the reservoir, "An' dere'd always be five er six bodies floatin' in dere, so I've drank worse den this here well water." Remember, it's the most morbid Survivor EVER!

The Eggo's glory in the falling rain water and drink heartily from the leaves that cover their shack. Rich continues to wander around the island, naked and alone. Lex insists that Rich's nudity is "hilarious" while Colby very unconvincingly claims that it doesn't bother anybody AT ALL to see a large naked gay man strutting around camp at all times. But at least no one's rising to the bait and insisting he cover himself, which is what Hatch wants I'm sure. Again, he's not doing it to be "natural," he's doing it to be rude, different and confrontational. It also strikes me as being unsafe--there's safety reasons for covering your, er, business, what with the bugs and snakes and machetes and all. The Shakira's are so happy with the rain that Big Tom leads them in a sing-a-long, and they all gleefully mis-sing Credence Clearwater Revival's "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?" The day is broken up by tree mail--or in this case, Tree UPS. A large crate is delivered to each tribe, locked with three padlocks. Everyone stares at it like it's a television set and wonders about what could be inside. At Shakira, Chachi lobbies for them to bust it open, and is irritated at his tribe's insistence that they follow the rules, "We're stahvin' heah an' deys all worried about upsettin' pretty boy Probst." And getting penalized for cheating, you big dope. You WISH you were as Pretty as Jeff.

QUEST FOR FIRE

Everyone gathers at the Reward Beach, where everyone reacts with shock at Tina's absence. Fellow millionaires Rich and Rich Jenna are especially displeased. The Reward Challenge is a grueling swimming contest to retrieve logs from the water and use them to build a staircase to the top of a platform. What are they playing for? A pile of ratty old blankets. Back in Colby and Jerri's day, there would have been Doritos and Mountain Dew underneath them but now it's just blankets. No one seems very thrilled but everyone gives it their all and it's very competitive. Rudy and Ethan kick ass and the Yogi's easily beat the other teams. They are offered a deal: they can trade their blankets for a clue-bearing cooking pot which should lead them to the first key to the lock box, which contains RICE. The beleaguered and beaten All Stars, who in previous seasons bitched and moaned over that monotonous Survivor staple now drool at the prospect of being gastronomically reunited with their old grainy friend. They'll also get flint so they can start a fire, boil water and not die. The so-called "twist" is if they take Jeff up on the trade, that means EVERYONE gets the cluepot and the flint. The Yogi's take all of five second to make the no-brainer decision to give everyone--including their dehydrated selves--fire, and there is much rejoicing.

Back at Camp Leggo My Eggo, Rich marvels that Tina was eliminated, "I would have bet HUGE amounts of money--which it just so happens I HAVE--that Rudy would be gone. There are HUGE targets on the winners." Yes, Alex, I'll take "NO FREAKING DUH" for $600. Lex thinks it's cool that Tina's gone, "It's GREAT, man. It really sets the tone, you know? It's business this time. Remember when I was psychotic and paranoid and interesting? Those days are gone, my friends." At Shakira, Rob too is happy with Tina's ouster, "It's exciting--I always thought Tina was a big phony. And I don't have a million bucks so by all means, let's target the winners. Remember when I was funny and conniving and interesting?" There is some conflict at Shakira over the fire building, where Alicia's motivational skills only inspire irritation in the likes of Chachi and, to a lesser extent, Big Tom, who says, "Ol fahmboy hes tuh keep his big muth shut tuh early in theh gayme raht now we've got fahv chiefs 'an one ind yun." That one Indian being space-filler Amber, one would presume. Chachi complains, "Alicia's tawkin' too much. She's got a big mouth on 'er and she needs tuh learn tuh shut it." Alicia thinks the boys are being too mucho and I have to agree--she makes the proper decision to spark the fire under the already built fire nest, and goes about encouraging everyone and praising them for their hard work. It might be a little too "coachy" for everyone's taste, but the fact of the matter is, she was RIGHT, Beantown. And I'm sorry...did CHACHI just accuse somebody ELSE of talking too much? Ay Carumba. But I shouldn't be too hard on Chachi--he IS being colorful and interesting.

The Yogi's, being the Yogi's, have a little more trouble starting their fire than Shakira. Rupert grins, "I thought I was an outdoorsman--and I AM...with a lighter." I heart Rupert. Ethan and Poor Jenna go to get water and Ethan once again laments his eminent doom. Poor Jenna tells him to chill out--they might not have to go back to Tribal Council for another 9 days so give it a rest. This makes SO MUCH SENSE but Ethan scoffs, "Jenna was like, we kept you around a little longer--oh, gee THANKS, Jenna. She's so cocky calling all the shots, it really bugs me." Welcome to the T-Bird's Survivor, Ethan. He's lucky he's so magnificently built or I'd be really irritated with him right now. Ethan, I'm thisclose to dubbing you Cute Whiny Ethan, so check yourself. Poor Jenna does her own homage to Michael Stupin when she singes her hair in the fire--THE FIRE!! Yay! The Yogi's rejoice. Later, they fret over Rudy's foot injury, and hope it doesn't affect their chances in the next competition. The Eggo's meanwhile are having a terrible time starting theirs. Lex wonders, "Is it the materials we're using? Are we just tired? Or do we just suck?" I think they just suck since the other tribes have managed to get fire. Rain rolls in and Lex suggests that they stop--he doesn't want to waste materials building a fire that's just going to get doused. Kath disagrees but the fire doesn't get built and the Eggo's spend a very cold fireless night together. Kath blames the boys: "We SHOULD have fire but our lame boys didn't do it and last season I went Kompletely Krazy and alienated my tribe over my obsession with fire--remember that? I was interesting back then but this season I'm playing it safe." Next morning, Kath and Lex make fire. Then the tribe goes on a treasure hunt and Rich finds the key in a cave. Big Kid Kath is disappointed and asks Rich to put it back so she can see exactly where it was. Hatch thinks the whole thing was stupid, "This should be a big day for us--we made fire, we found the key--that's all extraneous crap to me, it's the interpersonal headgames that are what this game is all about to Richard Hatch: Super Genius." The problem with Hatch's argument her is twofold: One, even though he's been more of a team player since Tina's ouster, he's still the officious naked millionaire who nobody likes. Two, in HIS Survivor, reward challenges were for hammocks and beer and whatnot but this time around, their for FOOD and FIRE and other things that are essential for the survival of his mortal tribe mates--and if his tribe loses I'd be STUNNED to see anyone else get the boot. And no matter how many times Hatch tells us how smart he is, it's pretty obvious that he's being very dumb right now. Any idiot could see that--even Chachi.

IMMUNITY LIMERICK

I have but one helpful note
When trying to bail out a boat:
Don't try to get in it
with water still in it
Your weight won't help it stay afloat

This challenge is another doozy: Three boats lay on the ocean floor, and each team must dive fairly deep in order to untie slipknots and remove crates from theirs until it rises to the top. Then they must bail it out and paddle it to shore. It's pretty dicey at times--it's a long way to the surface and there's a few scary moments when some of the guys get overly-ambitious about how many crates they can remove before they need to get more oxygen. The Yogi's take an early lead but blow it by making the truly dumb decision of hand bailing the boat completely rather than bailing for a bit and then, when it's manageable, picking the boat up and dumping out the remaining water. Then Ethan tries to jump in the boat when it's still water-laden, and it fills up with water again. They leave without one of their paddles--it's a big mess. Shakira kicks everyone's asses again and wins easily, while the Eggo's leave the platform with water still in their boat and they start sinking. Even still, they manage to beat the sunk Yogi's, who face another difficult Tribal Council.

LOSERS LAMENT

The glum Yogi's perform a post-mortem on their latest loss. "We had it," Poor Jenna laments. "We played stronger, we just didn't play smarter," Jerri blathers with al the logic of a professional athlete. Jerri tells us that "Each one of us is blame ourselves for our part in the loss--remember when I was arrogant and bitchy and interesting?" But Rupert and Jenna are blaming Ethan for jumping in the boat, and Ethan and Jerri for holding on and pushing the boat down during the doomed bailing process. A vulnerable Ethan goes out to try to spear a fish in the hopes of "finding his niche." He fails, and then Rupert goes out with the same handmade spear and immediately succeeds. Poor Jenna and Jerri tell Rupert that Rudy's physically the weak link in the tribe, and should be the one to go. Rupert cries to the camera over the idea of dumping the Navy Seal, "Rudy is a hero--he deserves to be here! It's killing ME to be here." He tells the girls he CANNOT vote for Rudy because he gave his word that he wouldn't. However, it seems to me that if Rupert really really WANTED to, he could rather easily get Rudy and Ethan together to vote out Poor Jenna. I think Rupert is more comfortable around women than he is men, and he knows that his "protector/provider" act plays better with the ladies too.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff asks Rupert to discuss the highs and lows of the last few days--they went form despair at last Tribal Council and ousting Tina to the high of winning the Reward and being able to provide fire and life to everyone and now they're back to the sad place of having to cull their own little herd. Rudy is his usual undiplomatic self as he says, "I been t'rew worse den this. Puttin' up with the other people is the REAL survival part." Rupert admits that he will always feel like an outsider to a degree, but today "I caught a fish, I poked it with a stick, I caught a fish." Ethan's worried about being ousted. Jeff asks Jenna is Ethan is STILL target because he won before and if that's STILL fair. Poor Jenna says what I'VE been saying, "People are voted out of this game all the time because they're too good, they're providers, they're seen as too strong. They don't deserve to go either. What's the difference between that and voting out Ethan because he's won before? It's just like any other way to vote, if you want to look at it like that." I concur. Jeff sighs, "Remember when Tribal Councils were volatile and interesting?" Everyone votes. Ethan tells Rudy that his vote for him is "purely strategical," and smiles at his intentionally bad grammar, and homage to Tribal Council's past. Rupert stays true to his word and votes for Ethan but it doesn't matter and Rudy is gone in a close 3-2 vote. A sobbing Jerri watches him go.

How would you explain the once cold and unfeeling Jerri crying over Rudy's departure?

A: The Q continuum stripped her of her demonic super powers and she is having a hard time dealing with unfamiliar human emotions

B: Jerri was ALWAYS a good person and a victim of editing her last time around! No, really!

C: She regained her soul when MC Hammer took the gang to church at the end of "The Surreal Life."

D: She's faking it--this is all one big audition

Please answer the quiz! >:l

Rudy threatens the girls with death should he bump into them back in the world. Damn it, someone finally goes all crazy and interesting and it's in their exit speech! And whatever, you know? Nobody owes you nothing in Survivor. I know Rudy's a war hero and all but he's also a chauvinistic ("women belong in the home") old coot and the weakest physical link on the tribe and a legitimate vote-out at this stage. Last time around he was carried into the Finals by his alliance, which he himself has admitted. I still think his former allies, Hatch and Stoopid Soo are the most vulnerable at the other tribes--if the Yogi's are back AGAIN...Jenna? That'd be my pick as weakest physical link, and until challenges are individual and not team, that's the way you have to think, I think.

"Me an' Richard got to be pretty good friends--not in a homosexual way, that's fer sure." Rudy Boesch, 2000

Peace Out! :D