General Hospital week ending April 18th, 2003

(a) Who gave the consistently best performances this week?

I'm gonna give this to Leslie Charleston. She's been such a shrill harpie of late but she proved this week (as if she had to) that when she's given a range of material, she can bring a multi-dimentional Monica to life. She's cranky, she's funny, she's strong, she's warm--why hey! She's a real person! And Cynthia Preston was, as always, a hoot

(b) Who gave the best single performance this week?

Jane Elliot's star-turn entrance and introducing of her family to her son. Just fabulous. I thought Robin Christopher was great when Skye realized Tracy might be telling the truth about her parentage. I also liked Lane Davies on Monday, when Zander was lacing into Cameron, his eyes flashed anger, but he didn't unleash anything--like he's fundamentally unable to actually emotionally engage with Zander, it was subtle, and nice.

(c) Who gave the single WORST performance this week?

As hard as it is to pass over Tamara for not even being able to pretend that Carly can even tolerate Sonny, let alone love him, or Steve for his typical do-nothing eyebrow-acting, I gotta go wtih Alicia Leigh Willis who is not only one-note, but offkey in every single scene. She finds a dead body? Nothin. She gets SHOT AT? Nothin--a little extra spunkiness, sure, but no fear, no vulnerability, nothing that makes her even remotely accessible to the audience. At her best, she's doing a pitch-perfect impression of Neve Campbell's hysterically stuttering Julia on "Party of Five" ("God, Bay...") and on her worst days--which seem to be piling up on top of each other of late--she's a WWF caricature. And like her boyfriend, we know she'll never, ever lose.

(d) What was the single BEST scene this week?

I enjoyed Tracy's reintro scene with the Q's but I have to go with Faith's giving Courteny a big wet one, LOL. It was so awesome, so unexpected and then we get Courtney and Carly's junior high reaction with Courtney rinsing her mouth out like she's gonna get cooties And then the dim sisters try to figure out what it could mean, "God, do you think it's like in the movies? The kiss of death?" "You know what? She might have just been turned on by your manly forearms." And yet AMC is getting credit for daytimes' first lesbian kiss--whatever

I love how Tracy can always get Lila to take her back

(e) What was the single WORST scene this week?

Surprise: Friday's Courtney and Jason scene, where Courtney says, "It's okay...and not at all monstrous...that you kill people on my brother's orders. Because I saw that you took no pleasure in it, noble Jason. Being a murderer is a burden you carry...like a cross!" And this was only one episode after we saw Jason take GREAT PLEASURE in telling Ric that the day was gonna come when Sonny would tell him to kill Ric. Assine AND evil.

(f) Who or what surprised you the most this week?

That Sonny and not Super-Jason realized that Ric was "The Silent Partner" Don't you want to throw something every time you hear that? It's like when Kat went Splat and everyone kept saying "parapet." *shudder*

(g) Biggest WTF moment of the week?

The way the show made a big deal , with dramatic music etc. when Sonny made the above-mentioned realization. WE already know and, because they've made a point in every single solitary Ric/Sonny scene to make sure that WE know that Sonny doesn't trust Ric...er, even when he DOES...it only seems stupid that Sonny and Jason DIDN'T know Ric was "The Silent Partner."

Sonny getting back to normal without therapy or medication--who needs it when you've got Jason around? Kinda undercuts that whole "We really care" bullshit PSA they did about how, you know, you can't lick mental illness by yourself?

Ned's psycho devotion to the baby. If they were writing this as a story: Ned over-compensating with Kristina because of his distance with Brook lynn OR Ned really DOES believe Kristina is his OR he at least believed that during a significant part of Alexis's pregnancy--then it MIGHT work but as it is, he just comes off like an ass**** half the time and just an ass the other. I'm yelling, "It ISN"T your frickin' baby!" almost as much as I'm yelling, "throw it, THROW iT!" Not good.

Liz being stupid about Ric, ignoring all the warning signs that Ric is creepy and instead actually feeling bad about it, "I'm sorry for having a legitimate reaction to your bizarre behavior, Ric, let's have sex again!" Who the hell is this?? Liz needs to read "the Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker....as should every woman in America

Carly babying Sonny. This is supposed to be a leading man?? This pathetic infantilized scaredy cat? With Carly telling HIS SISTER, "He slept through the night with no bad dweams and no accidents!" I don't think Sonny can be saved--I'll never find him sexy again.

Earth Mother, good-soundingboard Carly--who the hell is this?? The real Carly would be rolling her eyes at Courtney's "woe-is-me without Jason" shit. This story would be so much better with Brenda or Liz with Jason because tension would be much better (and believable) than the Carly/Courtney coffee klatch.

All the JIP angst of the break-up that REALLY actually never occured! They haven't stopped seeing each other! AGH! Courtney: "Every time I look at the giant dominos, I think about how Jason had no use for such things...I went by the coffee warehouse, hoping to see him, but he wasn't there. He must have been out slaying somebody...so then I went home and kick-boxed while I fantasized about doing his laundry." And yeah, I have a LOT of sympathy for Courtney's having the shakes after ONE day apart from her goon after watching news stories every day about military wives who won't see their husbands for months. Oh and Jason READS to Courtney?? Let me rephrase that, Jason READS?? Let me guess, Michael's Africa book? And then they play a rousing game of chess? Someone said it earlier, this couple isn't any fun! Name any true super couple, and you can also name goofy, delightful scenes that made you believe they ENJOYED each other.

How stupid did the vaunted St. Jason look going to that alley?

What purpose does it serve for Zander NOT to have killed Pete, except make Cameron look like a total creep for waiting so long to tell him? I don't get it.

Courtney finds waitressing...empowering? She can't find another minimum wage job where she wouldn't have to put up with her boyfriend's ex getting up in her grill every day?

Speaking of Kelly's can't Liz be an Assistant Manager by now? I mean, she's worked there for six years.

Emily saying to Zander, "The wonder...the sheer luck of it all...makes me want to cry!" What teenager actually talks like this??

So...we're supposed to care that Jason's being accused of one murder he didn't commit (of exactly the kind of mobster low-life he WOULD kill) and be totally cool with all of the murders he DOES commit (because he takes no pleasure in it) And on the same day we see Jason about to kill Ric?? And let me get this straight, Sonny was gonna have Jason kill somebody in his own living room? What??

Carly JUST NOW puts it together that she only had one drink so she must have been drugged? JUST NOW?

I distinctly remember Jason telling Felicia that the closet was a lousy hiding place, yet there he goes.

That tacky picture Ric has up over his fireplace, and Elizabeth's on-the-nose dialogue, "Somewhere in this house is the key to the REAL Ric Lansing--could it be this cheesy, out-of-place picture of a ramshackle and idyllic home?"

Courtney the Spy sneaking into Faith's hotel room--in an ugly ass red jogging suit, no less. This is the girl that was "terrorized" by a stalker, but a mobster who's threatened her life, *shrug,* let's snoop around her place.

Zander flushing Emily's "drugs" down the toilet without bothering to read what was on the label--there was a label, I saw it...

Bobbie and Georgie's interplay came out of nowhere:Georgie: "I wish everyone would stop treating me like a child!"Bobbie: "Oh, don't take offense, sweetie, I talk to everyone like they were two-years-old!" And Bobbie was a bizarre talk-to on the subject of teenage "I'm invisible to boys" angst considering when she was Georgie's age, she was a 10 dollar whore. I'm just saying...

So Lucas isn't REALLY Georgie and Maxie's cousin...because he's ADOPTED? Real nice message, that.

REAL GH DIALOGUE ALERT: Rick: "I'm not one of the good guys." Liz's response: "Well in case you haven't noticed, those guys are pretty boring." On this show, yeah, we've noticed. Robert Scorpio wasn't boring! Frisco Jones wasn't boring!

Typcial Guza: Skye's been backburner for months but now he reveals she may not be a Quartermaine after all. Gee, wouldn't this have meant more to us if we'd seen her making in-roads with the family? If she actually HAD come to feel regarded as one of the family? Because as it stands, my reaction to the news is a shrug and a "whatever."

Is Emily supposed to be "brave" by keeping her mystery health problem a secret? Because she just comes off stupid to me.

Summer finds a secret Cassadine coin in the safe--what could it be? What significance could it hold? Is it a clue to the mystery of Summer's brother or does it serve an even deeper purpose--like a role in world domination!!!! Oh...wait, I'm sorry, I thought it was the 80s for a second....

(h) Line of the week, if there was one?

Zander to Emily about Kristina: "Poor kid, little does she know she's on her way to YOUR family."

Faith to Liz: "Fluff like you? Always gets blown away...in the end."

Tracy trying to remember Rae's name: "Gretel Rae...Cornpone? Cowpatty?"

Tracy to AJ: "My condolences on the death of your father. Oh wait, Rick Webber wasn't really your daddy. I'm sorry, I keep getting that wrong."

Drunk Maxie: "We're respondable...responsibly? We're ADULTS!"

(i) Got any shallow thoughts to share?

Nekkid Zander AND Nekkid Rick, Lucky in a tank top--ah, Spring! Keep that jacket on, "Mr. Serious Actor" Steve Burton--we don't need ya!

Liked the Brady Bunch moment when Georgie invents her boyfriend--too bad she didn't name him, "George! George...Glass!"

I loved Dillon and his movie-allusions. Very Remington Steele. But how long will it last? Our writers have very short memories...

I'm sick of mean Luke. I'm sick of mean Nik.I used to be a big Jax fan--but now he's just a big jerk

That Marge Simpson growl Tamara Braun makes to express displeasure is positivly BIZARRE.

Can't wait to see what the art department comes up with for Liz's artwork which is soon to decorate Rick's apartment. I hope it's better than those laughable portraits she did of JJ.

The background music has been awful--and drowned out the dialogue at points. I especially hate those super-loud guitar flourishes at the end of "big scenes." Uck, cool out Jill.

Rick Hearst and Cynthia Preston have crazy chemistry.

Wally looked great on Friday--dressing his own age. On Monday I could hear the wardrobe department, "This is too young for Greg Vaughan...let's give it to Wally." I'm surprised he wasn't wearing the backpack with it.

Courtney. Korte. Court. Korte. Court. Korte.

Peace! Christine