General Hospital week ending April 4, 2003

(a) Who gave the consistently best performances this week?

The role of Emily Quartermaine is now being played by Natalia Livingston. I thought she did a magnificent job, she was completly at ease with her family and friends, sufficiently distant from AJ (she's always been a big gag-me with a heated crack-spoon Jason worshipper), awkward, torn, drawn to Zander. I never doubted for a second that she and GV crossed the country together as kids--even though both actors are new to their parts. She had chemistry with everyone (esp GV, I thought), she took control of her character, she let us see doubt and deceit flicker underneath her brave face--what a great debut and a great start at filling some awfully big shoes.

(b) Who gave the best single performance this week?

Robin Christopher was great when Alexis was twisting the knife about the abduction, she was nervous and lying and panicked and fearful and guilt-ridden all at once, great work. HM to Michael Sutton. "Robin....I SEE YOU!" Gets me every damned time.

(c) Who gave the single WORST performance this week?

Maurice didn't seem even remotely surprised when Carly was brought into the ER, but he wasn't that bad the rest of the week so the prize goes to:Tamara Braun, for playing Friday as the Earth Mother of Port Charles, make-up and hair just spiffy, voice soft and gentle--a little croaky but nothing to indicate that CARLY ALMOST DIED LAST NIGHT! It was all the more jarring as they cut back to a make-up free, death-warmed over Cynthia Preston lying exhausted in bed, her hair a ratty tangle behind her. Then to Carly, radiating maternal light and virtue, not a hair out of place, sitting up in bed, refusing to drink yucky orange juice for the baby's sake like she's in some Julia Roberts romantic comedy instead of acting like someone who almost stroked out hours ago--she didn't even ask Burton for "I've got a headache" lessons. Just annoying as hell, she is.

(d) What was the single BEST scene this week?

Well, Big Alice manhandling Cameron was pretty hilarious, LOL. I absolutley loved Friday when Alexis was getting conflicting advice from her new friend Cameron and her old friend Luke (remember?) about what she should do about Edward's custody of her baby. Luke, the devil on one shoulder, was telling her to run off, live on the run--it's fun! Lots of people do it! Cameron was the angel on the other, telling her to believe in the law and in him and in herself and stay to fight. It was well-acted, it was playful at times, true to the charcaters, utterly enjoyable. And, Kristina's DNA aside, it had nothing to do with the Mob.

HM: Rick Hearst's evil little "catch me if you can" smile and wink to Skipper and the Borg as he got into the elevator was divine

(e) What was the single WORST scene this week?

Courtney and Liz on Tuesday. Liz, believing Jason and Courtney's fake break, is suddenly BFF with Courtney--WHY?? And then of course it degenerates into them arguing about who's break-up with Jason was better, lol, (It's Robin, for the record) and then Courtney UNBELIEVABLY decides, rather than just say, "God, just back off, I don't wanna talk about it," she decides to describe this elaborate epiphany she's had about how Jason's addiction to Sonny--er, DANGER, that is, is just like her father's gambling problem. Why would Courtney bother to go into that much detail about her life to someone SHE HATES? Especially when she doesn't even believe what she's saying?? Just yucky all around.

(f) Who or what surprised you the most this week?Actually, how balanced the show was. There was a lot of Q stuff, a lot of Alexis/Cameron stuff, a lot of non-mob stuff and it made the week tolerable. Also, how honest ABC was in labeling the 20 seconds a day devoted to GH of the past: "Stolen Moments." Stolen from Bob and Chuck, that is.

And lastly, how Mind-Blowingly Boring Wednesday was. I expected it to blow, I expected it to insult me, I expected it to pimp the Friggin Four at the expense of all others, living or dead. But I really, truly did not expect it to just...lay there. Notice how the harder the boys try to make it AN EVENT, the harder it sucks (Thanksgiving, New Years)? I really truly believe they're smoking out. I'm sure GH is pretty good when you're baked. They probably have this flagged as next year's Emmy submission

(g) Biggest WTF moment of the week?

WHERE THE HELL IS COURTNEY'S "BELOVED" DOG??

If Ned was beaten SO badly on Monday that it was dubbed "attempted murder" on Tuesday, how come he was just dandy on Wednesday? He didn't even bother to touch his ribs every now and again and wince like Mr. Burton...

What was the big rush on Carly's stupid plan? Why did Jason RUSH to have the meeting with Faith before making sure Sonny knew it was a set-up? And what did the fact that Sonny DIDN'T know really cost them? Nada, of course. That'd be payoff--can't have that!

Taggart saying, "Sonny minus his cool--never thought I'd see the day." But...Sonny loses his cool EVERY DAY!

Sonny demanding that he be allowed to talk to Faith as soon as she woke up. Um...you're not a cop or a relative, Sonny. Turns out.

Sonny: "So, let me underscore this for all the stupid people out there: You're saying, in order to save my wife...I have to sacrifice my baby??" Yes, Sonny, that's what was said SEVERAL times earlier. And then of course, its not even true. And Monica saying, "I know how difficult this is for you, Sonny." So do I! Because I've seen this EXACT same story on this EXACT same show a few years ago only with a better Carly!

Jason menacing Faith by pulling on his black gloves--what a lame-ass.

Carly almost dies. Bobbie shows up for 2 minutes, no sign of the three Lucases--or is that Lucasi? BTW, have Carly and Lucky shared more than 3 or 4 scenes together during the entire course of Carly's existence on the GH canvas?? I don't get it.

Sonny's "deal" with God: "If you spare this baby, I'll do everything in my power--except stop murdering people and stealing and whatnot--to keep it safe!" For the record, Sonny, God doesn't need your promises or your help, you arrogant creep.

AJ menacing Skye. We can't have this one little friendship?

Luke rubbing Lucky's nose in Luke's date with Summer? I didn't buy it for a nanosecond.

Leaving the giant dominoes and the chessboard and the clocks and the giant key at the Love Nest--just one more reason to hate Journey, they abandon their beloved knick knacks

Carly comforting Sonny while she lays in a hospital bed cramping and bleeing and maybe suffering a miscarriage, comforting him through HER ordeal. Uh, Sonny? This is actually all happening TO HER

Jason insisting that HE was gonna make the decision about Carly's baby--sweetie, that "family" Carly keeps raving about ain't one in the eyes of the law.

I'm surprised TPTB didn't have her blood pressure magically go down after being touched by Jason's Sacred Borg Tears.

Carly wanting to name the baby Morgan--GAG ME!!!!!

Alexis to Nik: "Say hello to your niece!" Am I crazy, or are Nik and Kristina cousins?

(h) Line of the week, if there was one?

Luke: "You won't like what happens next!" WE KNOW!

Cameron: "The Quartermaines want to impress each other or destroy each other?"Alexis: "Both."Cameron: "Fascinating."

Loved when Sonny confronted Faith about peeking into Carly's room and she shrugged him off with, "My doctor says I'm supposed to walk."

Monica to Emily: "Did ya miss us?" I sure did!

(i) Got any shallow thoughts to share?

I loved when ALexis started off with Edward by saying, "You listen to me, old man..." I like it when she gets tough.

I love Jason's "Hands off, Bitch!" body language whenever Ric's around
Sonny

Steve Burton sure woke up as soon as Natalia showed up! Too bad he has more chemistry with his sister than "the love of his life," cuz this ain't a Bell show

Chad Brannon is HOT LIKE FIRE! So is Greg Vaughan! Tyler Christopher is coming back! Yay!

Watching Carly drown: nice while it lasted!

Loved Cameron defending Alexis's behavior to Monica and when he said, "How would you have reacted if your baby had been in a burning building?" I wanted her to say, "Uh...are we talking Jason or AJ? Because it depends."

Ned came off so emasculated this week--first with the beating, then when he tried to be all tough at the Police Station, "I'll fill out the paper work, THAT'S RIGHT, Sonny, I think I'll go over there and start filling it out RIGHT NOW!" The fact that Wally likes this story just proves my theory: Most actors are kinda dumb. Hey, I never said it was an especially original theory

Sonny went YET another week without throwing a glass but he DID do a lot of kicking--first Ned, then those pesky PCPD file cabinets. Kick it Mo, KICK IT!

Now that I know he's leaving, Coltin doesn't bother me at all--he's actually doing pretty good work. It's one-note, but he does it well.

I like the character names on the credits, but Why oh WHY is Mac still wearing that stupid turtleneck? And S&C AND Journey kissing? Pleh. I love how they kept the Puerto Rico boat thing in there: "Remember how nine years ago we actually went somewhere cool? That was awesome!"

Christine