General Hospital week ending March 1, 2003

(a) Who gave the consistently best performances this week?

Cynthia Preston was great all week, she's a great villain. Doing her nails in the chapel, too funny. She was so great faking her grief to Ned-- i almost believed her outrage at being accused of the crime, LOL, and I'd seen her do it!

(b) Who gave the best single performance this week?

Nancy Grahn was magnificent on Tuesday, her despair at signing her baby (I really wish they hadn't named her Kristina, it's so confusing) over to Ned. I loved the way she said to Cameron, "Did you turn me in or not?" Just sad and scared. Nancy's very good at not doing more than she has to. She should give acting classes to the other girls--they've all been listening very hard to their Smirking Coach, but an Acting Coach might make the show bearable.

(c) Who gave the single WORST performance this week?

Hey, Alicia, cool it with the face-scrunching, I almost gave it to you, especially when you were barely able to keep from laughing during your tough-chick act with Liz. But, as is so often the case, the award goes to Maurice. "Sam............the one with no last name..................LINE!? The one who took out..................................LINE!? CHAVEZ"?! Learn your frickin' dialogue, Mo! "The shoo...shooter's in town for me." His half-bored, half-annoyed reaction to Carly's pregnancy--the guy doesn't even try. "If....Faith has....the money....then she doesn't need......Ned's...." AGH! The worst was Friday, afer the big break-up between Jason and Sonny when Sonny snaps at Benny at the club, "Keep your VOT down!" i think that's what he said, it's always a challenge. Maurice screwed up his face to show how ENRAGED he was, oooh, so scary--I swear he looked like Popeye.

(d) What was the single BEST scene this week?

When Jax overturned the room service cart, and then started crying. I know it's a little thing, and many of you probably laughed when he did it, but to me this ONE character on this entire canvas STREWN with shattered, ruined, f'd-up characters was actually reacting to the ass he is becoming with a sense of self-loathing and grief, and if that's what passes for honesty right now, I'll take it whenever I can find it.

(e) What was the single WORST scene this week?

Without a doubt, the terribly staged, dreadfully conceived "montage" as Jason and Skipper get it on whilst Sonny gets shot at, all while a wimpy saxophone version of "Someone to Watch Over Me," plays. Guza CANNOT stop trying to recreate one of his truly great moments, "Clink-Boom," and here he is again giving us...F***-Bang? Or is that...Bang Bang?

(f) Who or what surprised you the most this week?

Despite all my urging of, "Throw it, THROW IT!" Sonny didn't throw anything. However, Courtney did throw a picture frame and Jax overturned a food tray. And just when DID Jason and Courtney pose for that photo, when they were hiding their relationship from the world or after they'd broken up? Must be time for the WTF's...

(g) Biggest WTF moment of the week?

Jax tells Alexis, 'I've arranged for your attorney," And ALexis, who we've been told is one of the best lawyers in the country doesn't even bother to ask who it is?

If Guza was any good (I know, I know), he would have had references to Sam for months now. "Who took out Mendoza?" "Word has it, it was Sam." Instead we get ONE DAY of, "That guy Sam." "The hit MAN who no one's ever seen?" ""Yeah, that GUY is really good." And then we're supposed to not only be surprised--but even care when fifteen minutes later we learn, whoa, it's a hot black chick?

Carly and Courtney's friendship: Courtney: "God! I'm so happy you're getting your baby, Carly! Even though I like, totally hate your husband who's like, also my brother? I'm like always gonna be a CFF--congratulations on getting Actor of the Month at SoapZone! And get outta my face with those applications, Ric. College is for LOSERS!"Carly: "You know what? You need to shut up. The only reason I'm pimping Journey is to keep Lizzard outta my storyline, aright?"

Crystal the hooker didn't seem that "high end" to me, I'm just saying is all.

Ned to Faith, "We work together against Sonny, That's it. The rest of my life is off limits. Except my penis, of course." I used to really like Ned, but he's so gross now

Unlike many, I thought Nekkid Jax looked just dandy on Tuesday, but who answers the door just wearing a towel? Then Skye plays it all, "Oh heavens," as IF there's anything he's got that she hasn't seen and then he explains, "I thought it was room service." Oh. Okay?

Scott and Taggart watched the tape Cameron gave them and Scott was like, "Did you see that, when she looked at the camera and changed personalities?" And they played the MO FO Windchimes. For a scene we've already seen before, LOL. I was really bummed when they rewound the tape and it wasn't there the second time. I thought maybe Cameron added the MO FO Windshimes ala JFP, to underscore ALexis's acting.

When Sonny said to Courtney (who was more modestly dressed then she was at the Cellar's opening, btw) "THIS is how you dress for work?" LOL, Uh sonny, you DO remember what "Daisy" wore at her last job right?

Despite Carly's protestations, isn't it KINDA Catherine's fault that Faith turned out the way she did? Kinda?

Sonny to Ric: "I don't trust you, come into my home again so we can discuss it further. I'm not falling for your bullshit--there's the business of mine I want you to handle, on the table? I'm on to you , okay? So why don't you go down to the club and rape my wife again, okay?" AND THEY WANT US TO THINK SONNY'S SMART!

I am now convinced that Alexis does indeed have multiple personalities and is presently being controlled by Stupid Ass Pathetic Alexis. If this isn't true, or if she's not covering for someone else then because she's too damned smart to think she couldn't get off on self-defense!

On Monday, when Sonny said he'd have Leticia run Carly a bath. Like...Sonny can't run a damned bath for his wife?

Last week I LOL at Carly using the phrase "devil's advocate." This week she actually uttered the phrase "I made a unilateral descision," LMAO. In the same vein, Summer said something about breathing "rarified air." Has Bobbie signed them up for correspondence school: Good Grammar for Dumb Ho's?

I DO NOT GET SUMMER. The high class hooker who had a close--but apparantly not abusive relationship with her father...why did she become a hooker? How does that work? And has she ever seemed like a hooker to anybody? Every time she talks about how she's "out of the life," I have to remind myself what the hell she's talking about. She never seems ashamed or in any real pain, even after she got beaten up. Why do they give Alexis MO FO Windchimes, when it's Summer that needs a "beep beep, awww, tweet tweet" from Donna SUMMER's "Bad Girls," every time she appears so I'll remember, "That's right, she's a call girl."

LMAO at Skipper's ice cream and bon-bon bender. And the mystery of the chess board is revealed! She keeps her toe polish in it! These are not grown-ups. Jason's heavy sigh and head shaking is not passion! This is the LAMEST STORY EVER TOLD! Then we get their BIG reunion, even though they've been talking and mooning over each other for weeks. Did he REALLY hurt her? No. Did she REALLY lose him? No, of course not. That'd take to long for Mr. Premature Resolution, Bob Guza.

Carly's flashback to the NYE episode, "Sonny, i just remembered something terrible about something I imagined about something I was told by a stranger!"

Sam's terrible aim has been covered, and I agree: WTF? WTF indeed!

And LMAO at the security. Guess no one was covering the club's one entrance earlier in the day when someone taped the gun in the bathroom, and I guess none of Sonny's crew has ever seen "The Godfather," and I guess it's okay for half the town to be allowed into a private party for a dead woman nobody knew even though none of them have ever been there before and even though they've thrown Faith out a million times, and given her a million "Next time, Faith, next time, bow! zoom! straight to the moon"'s, eh, let her stay this once even though we think she killed the person we're honoring.

(h) Line of the week, if there was one?

Faith to Sonny: "Did *you* make a public spectacle of yourself weeping when Lily blew up?"

Liz to Courtney about Carly: "You know, you're even beginning to sound like her. Maybe you'd better check on your new best friend? She almost took a header down the stairs."

Liz to Ric about Courtney: "I am SO sick of her."

Mikey to Jason and Courtney: "I don't understand." NO ONE understands Journey, kid.

Liz to Carly about Courtney: "Look, just because you've finally found a friend doesn't mean everyone has to like her."

(i) Got any shallow thoughts to share?

LMAO at Jason and Sonny's break up, and Jason's "Baby, it doesn't have to be this way." "I don't want you around her no more!" And Jason turns back, and Sonny shuts the door in his face. I can't wait until they run towards each other through a field of flowers and into each others arms for May sweeps.

Michael IS Sonny's kid--they've got the same staccato line delivery! And that kid, with that voice, in that hat? It's a real good thing he's got bodyguards.

Did anyone else laugh at Jason and Sonny's trying to confirm the Sam info:Jason: "I read a spoiler on GHH that says a shooter is coming in."Sonny: "Those spoilers are bulllshit, see what Sage has to say."

Liz to Ric: "Courtney's all mad because I guessed Carly's pregnant--Like it wasn't on Soapzone AGES ago."

I loved NuGia bitching about Bobbie raising the prices at Kelly's--it's cuz Luke keeps stealing from the cash register, LOL.

When Cameron applauded ALexis for her performance as "Kristina," all I could think of was an old Saturday Night Live sketch "The Sarcastic Clapping Family." It's just one of those gestures that's played out for me, and I laugh whenever anyone tries to seriously do it anymore.

I hate it when Real Andrews speaks through his clenched teeth to show how intense he is. He's not as bad as he used to be but I still think he sucks.

I like Jax, but every now and then he wanders vocally into Thurston Howell/Bad Sean Connery Impression territory.

Please, Scott and Skye, PLEASE! And damn it Jax and Carly didn't crackle more in their four seconds together than three damned years of Sonny and Carly--I'm just sayin'...

Peace! Christine