Survivor 14.9 "She's got to GO!"

Okay, so I'm...four weeks behind? Yikes, best to make this as brief as possible, while still not missing the crucial twists and turns in what is (finally) becoming a pretty good season. Now that they've gone and started, you know, playing SURVIVOR...

HONEYMOON'S OVER...

The episode starts in the last hours of the pre-merge game at the New Zoo Ravu. Mookie is telling Edgardo and Alex that they share ownership of the Idol, but he's telling us that's not really how he feels--he thinks the Idol belongs to him. Alex maintains that he and the others are protecting Dreamz from himself by not telling him about the Idol. Back at Moto, the "plinka plinka "this is the good life" music cuts out suddenly as tree mail orders everyone to go to Exile with nothing except their flint and their personal items--no rewards. Michelle and Earl share a private laugh over a quaking with fear Cassandra, Boo and Stacy, who, as Michelle puts it, have been living on "Honeymoon Fiji" for too long. Back at Ravu, Alex gathers the "Four Horsemen," so he can give one of his pompous speeches about loyalty and honor before they plot about who they can bring over to their side. Alex almost sounds like he means it when he says, "Mookie and Dreamz, you guys gave up Rocky and me and Ed gave up Lisi--not because they're the two most obnoxious people to ever breathe air on this planet, but NO, TOTALLY to prove our loyalty to one another!" ALex really thinks of himself as deep, but please...naming your alliance? Soooo "Big Brother."

Once on Exile, everyone pretends to be happy and unaligned, but Shii-Ann's ouster in Thailand's infamous non-Merge Merge looms large, so everyone's playing it safe. Eventually, they find new purple buffs and news that they will be living at "Old Moto" like they did in the very beginning. Mookie starts fantasizing about finally living in luxury, Boo, Stacy and Cass sigh with relief that they will never actually have to play Survivor, and Alex--you know, the "Count of Monte Christo" quoting guy, who likens himself to a guy who was hung from chains in a dungeon for years--starts rhapsodizing about that big, comfy, non-Survivor bed and how great it will be to brush his perfect, white, teeth. Hee Hee Hee...experienced Survivor viewers, who have seen one tribe simply sent to the other tribe with the note and the buffs, were wondering..."But, why send them all out to Exile, and then tell them to Merge at Moto?" Bwah ha ha ha! Because Moto has been gutted of it's finery by the industrious CBS Production Staff! Much wailing goes on about how that Mean Ol' Mark Burnett is gonna make them play Survivor!

BULA BULA

The new tribe names itself "Bula Bula," which is Fijian for "Hello." It is TRULY refreshing for a team to give itself a native name, rather than do the lazy "one have of your name, one half of mine" thing they've been doing since, like, forever. Stacy and Michelle chat and play dumb about one another's alliances whilst painting a TRULY kick-ass flag. Stacy predicts that the guys will gun for each other, allowing them to skate thru pretty far. Elsewhere, Boo is uncomfortable with the Merge, and fears he needs to keep his head down and play "the little helper." Then he adds, "Then, when it's time, I'll resume the leadership role again." America frowns in confused unison, "Huh?" Then Mookie sidles up to Cass and Yau-man, who rather stupidly give him all sorts of information. Everyone is eager to get Boo, coincidently (?) the only white person left in the game, out. Mookie, Yau and Cass all agree that Stacy should be next and then Alex. Mookie pretends to agree about the Alex part, while meanwhile, Stacy rejoins with Alex and they too plot to oust Big Boo first. A disgusting shot of ants carrying a dead spider carcass is shown to symbolize Boo's eminent demise, I guess. Alex boasts that the Four Horsemen are controlling the game but just then, mookie decides to tell Dreamz that they are in joint possession of the Immunity Idol which prompts a furious Alex to snap, "DOn't tell Cassandra!" Dreamz says he won't, but then tells us that his loyalty is wavering, now that he knows how little Alex trusts him (it's all very "which came first, the chicken or the egg", and the answer probably depends on how much you like the capricious Dreamz). Later, ed chews out Mookie for telling Dreamz, and vows to kill Mookie if Dreamz talks. ALex is confident that once Boo is gone, Stacy will be loyal to the Horsemen and they'll have a 5-4 majority rule over the game at that point. But Mookie isn't thrilled with Stacy's addition to the picture, realizing that she's loyal to ALEX, and ALex may very well take her the Final Three rather than he or Dreamz. Why? Because, in a game where Immunity Challenges often come down to physical prowess, it's hella stupid to be in an alliance with a bunch of really athletic dudes. He and Dreamz appear to be on the same page about wanting Stacy out. Dreamz has not forgotten how badly Stacy treated him and Cassandra when they were on the outs at Moto and he's not buying her new "nice" act, "She's got to GO!" he insists. Meanwhile, Earl talks strategy to the inscrutable Cassandra, who just seems to "mmmm-hhmmmmm" a lot. Seriously, what's her deal?

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Well, never count your chickens before they get eaten by a Hila Monster. When the 10 players arrive at the challenge, Jeff makes them draw stones which separate them into two teams. Five players will have Immunity, five players won't. The teams breakdown like this: Edgardo, Cassandra, Boo, Yau and Earl versus Stacy, Mookie, Dreamz, Alex and Mookie. The challenge itself has the teams in boats, paddling out to buoys and using a pole to get a bag of...sigh...puzzle pieces... off of it. Then they have to put the puzzle together. Pretty sure it was the very first Immunity challenge in Thailand. It's pretty close (Boo is surprisingly helpful to his team) and eventually, the losers turn out to be Alex's group. Then they have to read a little scroll that reveals another twist: The winning five will go back to camp while the losers, with no opportunity to stratagize, will have to vote someone out. Can I just say that I've been calling for the "no chance for discussion" immediate vote for like, years?

Back at camp, Boo cooks up the steak and veggies they won and is thankful to be still in the game--he knows his goose was what was on the menu to be cooked. Ed worries for Alex while Earl frets about Michelle, but everyone plays dumb about what they think is gonna happen...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Stacy smiles as Rocky and Lisi strut in, "They're so blue collar!" Everyone's pretty cagey about their alliances as Jeff tries to pry out something interesting from the group and indeed, Alex looks pretty pissed when Dreamz starts carping about Stacy. Then, Michelle rather innocently states that she hasn't really talked to Dreamz and doesn't know him well, which spooks Dreamz into wanting her gone instead of Stacy. When Michelle adds that she thinks Alex is a huge threat in the game, Alex makes his intentions clear by answering Jeff's question about who he's gonna vote for, "I don't have any reason to vote for Stacy," etc., and making it clear that Michelle is the only person he DOES have a reason to vote for. Dreamz abandons Mookie's play for Stacy, and Michelle is voted out 3-2. Once again, an Asian girl gets screwed by the not-quite-a-Merge. Coincidence? Probably. Personally, I was bummed. We lost the girl that made fire with her glasses, and kept Mean Stacy.

Michelle finishes in 10th Place, where we lost the very likable and capable Gretchen in Season One when Richard and company hatched their first power play. In the Outback, smug Jeff went bye-bye after tying with Colby--back in the days when "previous votes" cast against you were tie-breakers. In Africa, Clarence Black of Beancangate fame was booted by his alliance when he outlived his value and in the Marquesas, Boston Rob aka Chachi wore out his welcome like, what, five years ago, and we're still not rid of the guy! In Thailand, Shii Ann turned on her creepy tribe to quickly, learning too late that the Merge had not occurred. Things get tricky with the Pearl Islands because they voted out wimpy Osten and mean Shawn the same week they brought back whiny Lil and arrogant Burton, so there was no net loss--they the next week we lost Coach Andrew, who was enamored with that 120% no one was able to give. For statistical purposes, let's call Osten, Shawn and Andrew joint 10th place finishers. In Vanuatu, Crazy Rory was eliminated before he could set fire to the ladies camp, as he'd vowed and in Palau, we had to say a sad farewell to sweet Bobby Jon when Steph beat him at a fire building contest. In Guatemala, it was also a shame to bid adieu to Farmer Brandon and in Exile Island, Cute Nick left our TV screens. Last season, Jenny was the second victim of a double elimination and the first 10th place finisher to serve on a Jury.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Michelle is an avid rock climber and 80's music devotee, but I loved this quote from her bio: she's "not a big fan of cardio workouts, but does it anyway because she believes it builds character and prevents heart disease." Good for you, Michelle!

One down, three to go before Thursday. Probably not gonna happen, but we'll see!

Peace Out! :D

Christine