Survivor 14.2 "You keep your head."

BEFORE WE BEGIN: AROUND THE REALITY HORN

I was underwhelmed with Amazing Race all-stars, which really should've been called, "Amazing Race: Veterans Edition," because yes, they've all been on the show before, but a lot of them were forgettable. I wish they'd bothered to show a clip or two about each pair, reminding us who they were. And we've already lost a likable pair--yes, I'm rooting hard against Rob and Ambuh even though their sense of entitlement is probably a put-on. I loved the clip they kept showing on the promos with Rob saying, "Second place din't sit so good," I kept thinking, c'mon Rob you gotta be used to second place by now. As of now, I'm gonna watch it, but I've gotta admit, I'm more emotionally invested in "Grease: You're the One that I Want." All the Sandy's are pretty good, but if they choose anyone but Chad or Austin as Danny, they have made a grave error. American Idol is just ramping up, though I only like a couple of the guys--Blake aka beat-box guy, Chris Sligh and a couple others. The girls were so way better! I especially love Melinda, the former back-up singer. But it's early...okay, onto Survivor...

MISERY LOVES WATER

At Ravu, the poor waterless fireless foodless tribe is licking the dew off of leaves in order to stay alive, "It's tree-lickin' good," Mookie laughs thru the pain. Everyone struggles to make fire with sticks, but they're to weak to put any muscle into it--half the tribe seems to weak to stand, and the only sustenance is that limited supply of coconut milk growing on the trees. Meanwhile, at Moto, Immunity and luxury abound and you hear people saying things like, "These pillows are awesome!" Lisi, a red-headed tough gal who occasionally talks like Popeye the sailor man raves, "This game is so vicious, it's delicious." Then, drunk with power--and the CBS-provided lemonade, she kills an ant with a hammer. Seriously! Boo, a charmless lout who likes to fart loudly and state the obvious as though it were profound, boasts that they will be the first people to gain weight on Survivor. Boo is an ass...and this isn't Survivor! Then we get a display of Boo, who we must now call Boo-boo, as he seriously hurts his eye by walking into a sign, then he almost cuts his foot off when he's careless with the axe! And when people try to help out he brays, "Ah'll tell ya when I need help." Then he rests in the hammock...and it falls to the ground. I think it's the work of the Survivor gods, because Boo-boo is an ass. Dreamz predicts that Boo-boo will "hurt himself out of the game," and I for one can't wait!

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE, WE DON'T EVEN HAVE FUN AND GAMES

Sylvia returns from Exile, and even though no one really likes her, her arrival is something different, and a distraction from their own eminent deaths, so everyone gives her a warm greeting. Yau-man tries to peak in her bag for the Immunity Idol while he gives her a hug. She is shocked to find out that unlike Exile Island, Ravu doesn't have flint--so yes, she was better off over there, where at least she could make fire and drink water. She voices her surprise that the walking corpses haven't built a shelter yet, and everyone makes a face. She then laments to us that she feels like an outsider, cut to: every single member of her tribe bitching about her bossiness. Mookie, Rocky and Anthony agree amongst themselves that Sylvia is the next to go. Later, earl, Erica and Rocky go on a trek for food, and all they find are unripe mangoes. Thankfully, Erica soon finds a pineapple patch near camp, and everyone's spirits rise as they finally get to eat something. Earl deadpans, "Me and Erica, we're getting married. She just saved my life."

DREAMZ ACADEMY

Dreamz and Papa Smurf--again, not my creation, go hunting for food. Dreamz is having fun climbing trees, and he tells us that this experience is not unlike digging in garbage cans for food, which he and his siblings did when they were kids. He is firm about his ideals--when you find food, you share it, because you know your family is waiting for it back home. He points out that the rest of his tribe is unfamiliar with the concept of struggle, a fact that is demonstrated as Moto sits around gorging on fruit. Dreamz says they're living so well on the island, that there are people watching at home who have less food in their refrigerators. The rest of his tribe laughs and is all, "That would be horrible, but of course it's not possible, because everyone in America is doing great, and even though were the biggest bunch of spoiled babies in the history of Survivor, we still reserve the right to complain about our situation." They just don't get it. Dreamz doesn't force the issue, he just looks a little disappointed. Right now, I pretty much love Dreamz...and that's it for Moto. Seriously, this is more of an experiment on US, the viewers, because...how do root for the rich tribe over the poor tribe?

REWARD AND IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Once again, reward and Immunity are combined, which is probably because Ravu couldn't survive two challenges in as many days. Ravu arrives with their faces painted and their confidence sky high. Ravu drags in, weary. For some reason, many Moton's look shocked by Jessica's ouster--maybe because she was a PYT? I don't know, maybe they just liked her. Sylvia gets her orange buff from Jeff. The challenge is a canoe race to gather...sigh...puzzle pieces--or, excuse me, puzzle-pole pieces, and then they have to assemble this pole on the beach and then put their flag on it and raise it, kinda like Iwo Jima only...not. The winning team wins Immunity, flint, a ton of fishing gear, and some shiny machetes. Things start out even, and then Ravu takes a pretty good lead! But then, once they're on the beach, they start arguing amongst themselves and things bog down. Erica gets very insistent that she's right, but she's wrong, and Sylvia orders her to calm down. They can't get it together though, and Moto wins and they jump up and down and cheer while Ravu collapses in agony and exhaustion and dehydration. Boo is especially annoying about it, 'natch. Seriously...what is the point to all this? Are the tables gonna turn soon, or what, because if Ravu keeps losing, I don't think anyone's gonna be all that interested or impressed or surprised by the fact that a well-fed, hydrated, spoiled tribe with a flipping COUCH can beat-up on a bunch of people who haven't drunk water in 5 days. I'm...having trouble enjoying this, I just so happen to like an even playing field, call me crazy.

THIS EARL DOESN'T NEED TO TRY AND BE A BETTER PERSON

Moto sends Earl to Exile, I guess because he's a big strong guy who they want to weaken? Well, the joke's on them, then, because he gets to have a fire and boil water! So there! Then a giant sea snake creeps up behind him, and Earl wacks him to death with the machete. Earl sighs heavily about having to kill the creature, because he loves animals and he feels snakes are misunderstood--but he couldn't take the chance of the poisonous snake coming back to get him. I heart Earl.

AS THE GAME TURNS

Even though everyone said that Sylvia was going to go home, after the challenge, the mood has shifted, and several Survivors feel that it was Erica's panicking about the pole that cost them the win. She's their "Tony Romo," as it were, heh heh heh. Even Rocky, who vowed to nevuh write huh name down is quick to call Mokkie his latest bestest bud, and turn on Erica, "Ah jes' can't read huh no more," he claims, which I think is Rocky for "Ah realized she wasn't nevuh gonna make out wit' me." Sticking to the Sylvia-is-toast line is Anthony (who reminds me of David from Sesame Street, remember David from Sesame Street?), who is sick of Sylvia's order giving and who values Erica's strength. When Sylvia gets wind of all this, she is thrilled and quick to label Erica's excitability at the challenge a distraction that needs to be eliminated, "You keep your head," she sniffs, hoping to keep her figurative head off the chopping block. Then things seem to swing back around in Erica's favor, as Michelle and Rita both vehemently agree with Anthony that the tribe vibe was much better before Sylvia got there, and she should be the one leaving. Since this is Ravu, their boat gets swamped, and they have to waste precious energy bailing it out before they can paddle out to Tribal Council.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Anyone notice how kick-ass the soundtrack has been lately? Awesome. Anyway, Tribal is pretty boring, probably because everyone's so tired. I'm really surprised at the lack of bitterness towards Jeff during all this. Putting up with all his "Pull it together," lectureyness and not saying, "THEY'RE EATING AND WE'RE NOT! WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO BOIL OUR WATER." Frankly, I'd go on a talk strike--no flint, no drama. At one point, Erica rolls her eyes when Rocky claims that Sylvia is used to telling people what to do "in a positive way." Then Sylvia pulls a say-what-now when she suggests the tribe elect a leader when they get back to camp, so everyone knows who's in charge and isn't offended by someone helpfully suggesting a course of action. Yau-man says the person going home is someone who's been too vocal and too stubborn and my sister and I added, "Who's name is Sylvia," at the same time, because that was SO a Sylvia comment, right? Right? WRONG! Only Erica and Anthony wind up voting for Sylvia, and Erica goes home 6-2. She's not happy about it, and predicts her tribe will regret the decision. Oh, and of course, we had to take a long look at a giant millipede.

Erica is evicted in 18th place. A dude named Brook left us in Vanuatu, and no one remembers, nor cares. In Palau, Jolanda was ousted for "being bossy," and her tribe lost every subsequent challenge--that's some vindication right there. In Guatemala, cranky Jim tore a muscle in his chest so he was dead weight, and last season, Cecelia was sent home.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

A Katrina evacuee, Erica is the second native Louisianan to be ousted in a row. She lists "Forensic Files" as one of her favorite TV shows, which means we could, like, totally hang out.

Peace Out! :D

Christine