Survivor 10.10 "I guess I showed too much heart, and too much will."

So sorry for the lateness of this review! Ack! And I'm gonna start it with a topic that may make some of you uncomfortable but here goes--I'm very amused by the fact that CBS feels they have to blur out even the slightest hint of butt crack. Is America really so dainty, so fragile? Perhaps so.

MEAN GIRLS

We open with a lovely shot of flies digging about in something that's rotten in camp, which is probably a ham-handed allusion to the fact that relationships in camp are festering, or even the more obvious "Lord of the Flies" metaphor, what with them being stranded on a desert island. Actually, the camp is more like a Judy Blume book than anything written by William Golding. Janu is devastated by Coby's shocking departure--not only was he her only friend, but she was also REALLY ready to get the hell out of Dodge last night. Katie and Jenn are brushing their teeth in the ocean and gossiping loudly about Janu's shocked reaction, and I suppose, how angry she's been ever since Tribal Council. Katie huffs, "It's not like were REALLY this mean, this is a GAME." This is something that all the great Survivor creeps have been saying for lo these many (okay, five) years. That because it's a game, they're not responsible for their behavior or how that affects other people. Which is bullhonkey. It's possible to deceive people in the game (because that is part of the game, at times) and still treat them with respect (No, really, Boston Rob, it is). Plus, people always act like jerks when they're playing games--ever watch those poker tournaments on TV? Everyone else manages to bluff and strategize and calculate while maintaining their self-respect, except for that one guy who's "in your face," goading during the hand and than childishly leaving in a huff when he loses. From the taunters in every professional sport we have, to the friends, neighbors and family members who you NEVER want to play Trivial Pursuit with again, we all know that games can bring out the worst in people--and yes Katie, those are your true colors. Katie continues to jabber on, saying that Janu looks like a demented jack-o-lantern and that she's gone completely insane. Jenn sniffs smugly, "She totally thought she was gonna get to leave and get away from us--well we sure showed her!" So, Janu's heard all of this and confronts Katie, "What is this, Junior High? We all pretend we're good friends and then talk behind everyone's back?" Katie: "Um, look, you're being creepy, okay? Sorry. I'm sorry that you're a jack-o-lantern, but there it is." Janu tells her to say what ever it is she has to say to her face, and Katie again apologizes, "I'm sorry you overheard me calling you a jack-o-lantern, that shouldn't have happened," and Janu totally calls her on her schtick, "Why did you do it in the first place, because you're Saturday Night Live? Because you're the tribe comedian?" Remember Katie's mean puppet show about U-Turn's woes? She just doesn't get it. Gregg steps in and tries to get Janu to calm down, "This could turn into something--" and Janu tells him to stuff it, that's it's gonna turn into what its gonna turn into. Gregg sighs heavily, "Janu's a real buzzkill, which is unfortunate, but I'm not gonna get rid of her just because I don't like her. She serves my plan, and I'm too cleaver and Machiavellian to let anyone's feelings get in my way--even mine! Everyone's talking like Steph should stick around because she "deserves" it, but "deserve" doesn't have anything to do with winning Survivor!" Just ask Vecepia. I don't really hate Gregg, but I don't really like him either. He's bland and rather smug about his grasp of the obvious. He's right about everything--get rid of Steph, stick to your plan, keep Janu around if it helps your cause. But what he's too selfish and dense to see is that if he'd just make Janu feel...kinda welcome? She might not quit the game. Just saying...

TOWER OF POWER

So, reward time, and it's a doozy--or a snoozy, to hear Jen tell it. Jen actually called me up to complain about how bored she was and I was all, "Really?" Because I was so impressed with how Jeff had exerted his will in the challenge and compelled Janu and Caryn into participating, instead of floating worthlessly while Tom and Gregg did all the work. The Survivors are first divided into two teams, and, well, I just told you the first team--Ian, Katie, Steph and Jenn are the other. I'll bet the others were all secretly hoping that Steph wasn't on their team because of Steph's woeful record when serving on a team--she hasn't been on a winning team since the jellyfish/pringle deal. The game is a long involved thing where they have to lug scaffolding into the water and build this tower and it takes for freaking ever. And at first, Caryn and Janu don't help Tom and Gregg and then Jeff keeps saying, "Janu and Caryn, lazy bitches, not helping the guys while the other team works as a unit," and they are shamed into action. Then he keeps harping on what a worthless lagger Mean Katie is, but that doesn't change her unhelpful ways--she tries, just not very fast. Steph loses again.

THE POLITICS OF PUKING

Tom, Gregg, Caryn and Janu are taken to a Palaun village, where they are greeted by a Chief and a very very fat baby. Tom is moved by it, oh, shut up Coby, he's not being fake, he really means it! Then comes the big dance number, then comes a feast. Caryn is pleased that there's no game talk, apparently unaware of the fact that no one discusses the game when she's around, regardless of locale. Then Janu makes like President Bush in Japan and barfs up the feast, and everyone acts like she did it on purpose, "What did I tell you?" Gregg shakes his head, "Buzzkill." The gang returns to find the others bravely cooking some coconut husks or something equally sad and listen to the others tell them about the food and the tribe and the dancing but then Gregg reveals that they'd smuggled them back some food and there is much joy in the Camp of the Flies. There has been some feeling in the past that you shouldn't bring back food--that the point of winning reward is to get an advantage over your competition, but I think the political advantages (and fall-out) are more important. Neleh probably blew her chance at ever winning that million dollars when she rhapsodized about food she didn't even try to smuggle back, and then offered a tribemate a mint that was already in her mouth. Oh my heck, indeed. Janu and Caryn raise some eyebrows when they dip into the brought-back food and Katie smirks, "But what can we do, say 'get your hands off the food you brought back,' so we didn't say anything." Not to anyone's face, anyway.

IMMUNITY LIMERICK

if you are the best, hold your breath
or be vulnerable--like the rest
if you're first to quit
all alone you will sit
it may be a very big test

Man, that sucked. I'm not feeling the poetry lately--I may have to scrap it. Well, Immunity is a dilly of a pickle, as Ned Flanders might say. The Survivors have to remain in cage under water, hanging on to bars above them as the water rises and rises, until they are under water and it becomes a question of holding their breath. Last person to quit wins immunity--first person to bail gets stranded on an island alone with flint, water and a machete. And a cameraman and a boom-mike operator, but you know, "alone." Tom makes a joke about wanting to quit just to get away from everybody for the night, and it's a testament to his popularity and power that no one is seen rolling their eyes and then saying ina one on one confessional, "Tom'll get a real long break from me when I vote him the hell out of the game!" I think no one said that because Coby was already voted the hell out of the game. Anyhoo, six minutes in, Jeff asks Janu if she's starting to panic and she gasps, "Yes!" and just quits and a bunch of people start laughing--it's not just Mean Katie and Jenn, it's Tom and Greg too, for sure. Jeff asks Janu if she's learned to make fire yet and she says no and everyone cackles--it kinda reminded me of "Rebel Without a Cause," everyone was being 50's movie mean. Jeff sighs, "Not a lot of love lost between you and your tribe," and they all get ridiculously indignant, "That's not true! We love Janu!" and Jeff, bless his heart, totally calls them on their b.s., "Well, she just said she might freeze to death tonight and you're all making jokes like it's open mike night, you big bunch of creeps!" YEAH! Jeff shames them into silence--man is he laying on the guilt in this episode. After about an hour, Caryn, Katie, Jenn and Steph all quit, leaving the boys to fight it out. Greg quits, and then Ian, and once again, Tom is victorious. Janu is whisked away on a boat and everyone pretends to be concerned for her.

JANU IS THE CHEESE

Janu stands alone, Janu stands alone, High ho the merry-o Janu stands alone. Janu is a little worried, but seems to be very relaxed being by herself--big surprise, eh? It takes her well over two hours to make fire, but when she does, it gives her the first real feeling of accomplishment since she climbed that tree on the first day, and she does a little victory dance! Hooray! :D

ALL HAIL KING...GREGG!?!

Tom asks Gregg if they could possibly get rid of Janu tonight, if it's okay but Gregg lays down the law, "The girls want to keep Steph around because they LIKE her, and I can't allow that to continue. I can EASILY use my influence on Jenn--if you know what I mean." TOm tries to reason with the Great Gregg, "How long are we gonna put up wit' her whining, how long are we gonna let her benefit from all duh work we do while she lies around cryin' in duh hammock?" "AS LONG AS IT BENEFITS MY GAME, TOM." Tom and Ian nod there heads, "I'm sure gonna miss her," Ian sniffs. Gregg has very valid points about dumping Steph--she's strong, she wants to win, she's likable. Getting rid of her makes total sense. His strategy is sound, but he's looking to become the most boring Survivor Champion since Vecepia. And what is UP with Tom letting Gregg call all the shots? I've figured it out--Gregg reminds me of Burton. He's used to people listening to him because he's good-looking, but he thinks it's because he's smart. Janu comes back, and everyone pretends to be glad she survived. Janu ain't buying it. Also skeptical is Steph, who's been told that Janu will be voted off, "But I think it's gonna be ME!" she tells us. Ian straight up lies to her, telling her "That's the plan," and when she tells him she thinks it's her he goes "You think it's gonna be you?" And doesn't follow that up with anything remotely resembling reassurance, and no one will look her in the eye. Thinks aren't looking good for America's latest Survivor sweetheart...WE INTERRUPT THIS SURVIVOR REVIEW TO BRING YOU THE LATEST INSTALLMENT OF:

**THE CHACHI AND AMBER REPORT**

So Chachi and Amber are sort of working with Ron and Kelly (POW/Beauty Queen). THey make their way from India to Istanbul and FINALLY part ways with Sanjay aka Sanjo, who's been travelling with them for at least two days. The ever-grateful Chachi sighs, "I am SO over India," as they speed to the airport. Well Boston Rob, we are so over you (hypocrite alert: will I be watching Rob and Amber's televized wedding? Of course). At the airport, Chachi can't resist messing with the mind of a slightly addled senior citizen, so he casually says to Gretchen, "Didja get on duh earlier flight?" Which throws her into the tizzy Robn intended and he can't wait to boast to Ambuh about what he's done (I can't imaghine being drawn to a guy that would expect me to be impressed with playing tricks on old people, but AMber was best-buds with Jerri in the Outback), "Deh is no earlier flight, but now dey's talking to Uchenna and Joyce an' dere tryin' tuh find it--it's like duh blind leading duh blind, dey're stupid." Except for the part where they DO find an earlier flight--one they never would have bothered to look for had Rob not...well, been ROB. They get to Istanbul at least two hours ahead of him and Amber--and that moment, when they find out that they're not in the lead but in fact in third place is TOO priceless for mere words, and then, as he's wont to do when he's not in absolute control of everything, Chachi freaks out and completes the whole rest of the leg like a magic chicken who cans still yammer despite it's head being cut off. There's a whole subplot where they have to carry around these clay garden gnomes back to Phil, and one of the teams will win a majorally cool prize (Chachi scuttles around the dock fretting furiously, "What's a gnome? What's a gnome, AH don' know what dat is!" Fortunately, AMber isn't a total moron and she finds it. Even more fortunately, for us that is, Rob and Amber finish in third place, behind the two "stupid" teams, and they do not win the $20,000 prize package from Travelocity. I really would have hurt someone had that happened. Afterwards, Chachi berates himself for "missing duh earlier flight," but fails to recognize the bigger mistake--his big-mouthed mean-streak. I'm still really scared that they're gonna win, though....We now return to our regurly scheduled Survivor Review....

TRIBAL COUNCIL

COlby is ushered in, looking clean and clean-shaven, which is actually a shame becasue I think that beard really worked for him. Which could have a double-meaning if Coby were, say, married to a woman, but he isn't, I just meant, I think he looked good with hair on his face. The look of desperate happiness on Janu's face when she saw her only friend, Coby, just broke my heart. Jeff gives her props for surviving her night alone, and gives her the opportunity to piss off her tribe a little more when he asks her if she bought all their well-wishes and she says, "Some of it, but a lot it was two-faced and insincere, the kind of bad behavior that these clowns file under "playing the game," like that means it's not real or it doesn't hurt." This mightily offends Caryn, "Objection! The witness cannot possibly know what were really thinking!" "Overruled," Jeff sighs, "This is a game of subjective opinion and emotiuon, Janu is free to say whatever she wishes, especially if it upsets people and makes for interesting television." Jeff then asks everyone about the merits of voting people off based on being a threat, being a friend, being easy to beat, and Steph fumes as everyone starts saying they'd rather be surrounded by losers like Janu and Katie who don't try than "certain people who shall remaion nameless who give it their all." Katie declares that she doesn't pose a threat in challenges like she should be awarded a medal for it. Janu says she's done with the game, would be more than happy to go home, and doesn't understand why her tribemates wouldn't., "If I were them, I'd be sick of myself already," she shrugs. Ian remainds Janu that she can just quit if she wants, and Steph starts crying over the very real possibility that someone who couldn't care less whether she stays or not will most stay, and despite all her hard-work and tenacity, she's gonna go home, "I guess I showed too much heart, and too much will," she sobs. Tom tries to defend his actions saying that Steph would be welcomed on his Fire crew, and every single guy there would be proud to serve with her (which is not what I've ever heard about women who try to be firefighters but anyway) and then he insists, "Dis is not work it's not camaradarie, It's Survivor." Then Jeff asks Janu what the difference is between asking to be voted out as opposed to just quitting, and Janu decides there is no difference and declares, "I will lay down my torch this evening!" On TV, it kinda looked like Jeff talked her into it but there was this article that ran last week that said this Tribal Council took 2 hours, and Janu was being all weird and flip-floppy and asked Jeff whether she'd be allowed on the jury evne if she quit. Once the producers told her (through Jeff) that she COULD be on the jury, she very eagerly quit the game. Jeff wasn't AT all angry at her though, the was he was when Big Whiny Osten quit, I think becasue he likes Steph and this helps her big time. He also really liked Andrew in the Pearl Islands, and Osten's quitting hurt him. In her exit, Janu is pleased to have foiled the mean people and their attempts to keep her around for more abuse just so they could pull this powerplay with Steph. Again, I think Janu might have been WILLING to stay one more week, had Gregg or somebody just talked to her and treated her with an ounce of respect but I guess that was beyond the jerks.

Janu joins Big Whiny Osten, and All-Stars Rich Jenna and Sue Hawk as the only players to volunarily quit Survivor. She finishes in 8th place where weepy Jenna's tears were finally silanced and evil Jerri was mercifully vanquished. In Africa, snotty Brandon bit the dust in 8th place and in the Marquesas we lost the forgettable Zoe (I knew you forgot about her). 8th place also spelled doom for Ken the cop, Deena who became drunk with power and targeted Alex, which caused her own early exit, and in the Pearl Islands, Rupert was felled by the machinations of Johnny Fairplay. Most recently, noble Chad was eliminated in Vanuatu, not because he didn't have both his legs, but because he had a Y chromosome.

Next review will be arriving shortly! At least before the next show airs this time! Er...hopefully!

Peace! :D

Christine