Survivor 10.5 "We coulda really been eating that beef stew right now."

My review this week is gonna be kinda lame because I failed to tape the episode but I thought I was so I didn't take notes while it was on, and I wasn't able to rewatch it and pull quotes, etc. Rats! What's weird is I was sitting right in front of my VCR while it was taping, and it worked fine. I was watching Survivor, so I know it was on the right channel, it just recorded blackness. My theory is I had accidentally changed the VCR channel to 2 or 4? Last week my Internet kept getting hijacked, my watch stopped, my toilet broke---now this!! You'd think I was a member of the U-Turn tribe....

WINNING SUCKS

So, onto the review. The good thing about having to do this particular episode from memory is that it was VERY plot heavy, as opposed to dialogue heavy. Burnett and company finally give us some insight into what's happening over at Er-ror. Greg and Jenn (not the doomed super-couple from All My Children circa the early 1980's, but just to be safe, I don't wanna see Jenn getting on to a jet ski in the near future) are snuggling and smooching ala Jeff and Kim (the doomed U-Turn couple circa two weeks ago). Meanwhile, Willard is doing some hardcore slacking, which is seriously irritating Tom and his gang (Ian, Katie, Greg and Jenn). They wish they could get rid of him, but dammit, they keep winning those Immunities! Coby is very disheartened to be on the outs with the smug power clique, and he especially hates that useless lazy mean Katie is on the ins. But things look up when Greg approaches Coby with a plan to turn the tables on Tom and Ian. Greg and Jenn have a plan to switch sides and joining forces with Janu and Coy--after Willard and Caryn are voted out. Coby is thrilled. Greg is just covering his bases though--he tells us it's just one option that he and Jenn have. This should be alarming to me, since I like Tom and Ian, but that has waned a bit since they've gotten smug. Anytime anybody on Survivor starts taken for granted any sort of pecking order, I start rooting for the underdogs. Also, at some point during this episode (gah! If only I could have rewatched!) we see these little fish LITERALLY jumping out of the water at the shore of Er-Ror's camp (however, the cotton does not appear high) and then we see a shark wiggle it's way onto LAND as he chomps them out of the sky. The mighty hunters of Er-Ror, however, are nowhere to be seen....
LOSING SUCKS EVEN WORSE

The U-Turns get back to camp after voting out Kim, and it's raining so badly that somebody (Bobby Jon or James) decrees that they should all return to that freaky cave they found earlier. Problem is, it's pitch black and they don't have a lantern, but they stumble into the jungle anyway and of course they get lost and start sniping at each other. Angie decides that fumbling around in a bug and animal infested jungle without a light is idiotic, seeing as someone could get hurt or worse, so she returns to camp. most people would call this sensible. James who should be Jim Bob calls her a "quitter."

REWARD LIMERICK

If you want to eat and to learn
than a victory today you must earn
bring up the sake
or things will get rocky
you'll starve and the losing will burn

So, no Immunity for anyone, Jeff announces. Both teams will vote someone out tonight. The winning tribe will go first and eat some stew and root beer and watch the other tribe's Tribal Council. Obviously, the U-Turns are more upset than the Er-Rors, who are actually probably eager to get rid of hammock-dwelling Willard. The challenge is to recover some sake bottles from the ocean floor. Each team sends one member out at a time on this pontoon thing. The rest of the team uses a rope pulley system to propel the player out to where the bottles are and back. First team to get X amount of bottles wins--I don't remember how many bottles (stupid VCR). Both teams do very well. U-Turn pulls slightly ahead, but the tribe is undone when Ibrehem fails utterly in his attempts to dive, perpetuating the Survivor stereotype that black people can't swim. Ian has a little trouble finding the bottles at one point, but this gives U-Turn only a brief flicker of hope, and U-Turn, as expected when something important is on the line, fails.

WILLARD'S GOOD BYES

Well, Willard's ouster is a no-brainer, and he's not upset in the least. "This is a lot harder than I thought it would be, physically," he shrugs, "And also, I don't really like people. I haven't had to talk to people I'm not related to in a really long time." He tells Coby that in order to fit in, he would have had to "shmooze," and he just doesn't do that. I am very wary of people who think being mildly social is "shmoozing." he offers his shorts to Coby, who continues to strut around in his very revealing bikini underpants. Hopefully, we will see him wearing them tonight. Please? Coby encourages his tribe to be good sports at the Reward feast, and not rub it in to the other team. Ian does not agree to this and starts singing a rather self-aggrandizing song about how great it is to win food because now he, Ian, the food-gatherer, does not have to gather food for everyone, like he does every other day. Everyone except Tom seemed pretty unamused. Ian, remember what being the master naturalist and breadwinner got ol' Rupert? A knife in the back and an 8th place finish, just FYI.

IBREHEM STANDS ALONE

The U-Turns are hacked off at Ibrehem for losing the challenge and though he accepts responsibility for today's lost, he's miffed because he wasn't responsible for the 47 previous tribe failures. Even his pal Bobby Jon is considering voting him out tonight. JWSBJB accuses Ibrehem of not having any heart. Funny, I didn't see JWSBJB throwing around the character-flaw accusations when HE was responsible for losing immunity last week.

***THE CHACHI AND AMBER REPORT***

We interrupt this installment of the Survivor Review to bring you the Chachi and Amber report, as they continue The Amazing Race. We're still in South America--Argentina, to be specific. They have fallen to fifth place because of the 4 hour penalty they incurred in order to dodge eating a bunch of dodgy meat. but that's okay, "Uh like tuh be unduh pressuh," Chachi insists. Team Millionaire is also low on funds because of Rob's compulsive bribing. He (jokingly?) suggests they steal somebody's car who has more gas. Then they get a little lost and we learn that when Rob is sleepy and grumpy, he tends to whine. The pair manages to "stumble upon" the next checkpoint, and Amber beams, "Someone must be looking out for us!" "Ixnay on the ookinglay outway orfay usway!" hisses Mark Burnett from the trunk of their car...Chachi opts to do the gaucho challenge, where the player has to ride a horse and barrel race and spear a ring off a post in under 40 seconds. He's surprisingly at home on the back of a horse, who knew?

They race to the airport. Amber cackles, "The other teams hate us!" Chachi grins, "Dey love us. Dey strivuhn' tuh be like us." The other teams are still overly obsessed with the Survivor couple and the four teams who are ahead of them have a good laugh at the fact that Rob and Amber are going to miss their flight, thanks to Rob's being a schemer and a quitter. And then Chachi and Amber stroll onto the plane, "How's yuh stomach?" Chachi gloats. And God help me, I laughed. I didn't want to root for them, but I thought it was kinda funny that they caught up, and the other teams come off like such whiny babies when they fixate on Chachi and Amber. Run your own race! Plus, my hatred of Ray and Deana has eclipsed any animosity I may have held for the millionaires (I guess I should say millionaire, single, until it's official?).

Well, because they were last on the flight, their baggage is first off the plane, which causes more steam to rise from the other team's ears. The next challenge is to either find a particular island in a delta, or find a particular shipwreck in the same delta. Many teams have mechanical problems, including Chachi and Amber, whose boat takes on much water. Their boat pilot gets them to their destination and back in one piece though, so Rob trades the guy his Boston Red Sox hat for his plain tan cap. Amber and Chachi win YET ANOTHER leg and yet another trip--this one to London. "It's like uh was bahn wi' a lucky horseshoe right up my ass!" Chachi laughs, and who are we to argue?

We now return to this installment of the Survivor Review...

FIRST TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff asks everyone about the friendships that have developed, and it's all stuff we know: Willard and Caryn, Greg and Jenn, Ian and TOm, Coby and Janu. Katie does not appear to have a special bond with anyone in the tribe, surprise surprise. Coby defends his tribe status as "social butterfly," and tries to dodge Jeff's implication that he may be a schemer who' playing all sides, "Jeff, sssh, I'm just really friendly!" He sings a rousing rendition of "I've gotta be me," as the Er-Rors finally cast their first votes of the game.

Willard goes down in a hail of votes--his out-group pals are too saavy to expose themselves with a sympathy vote. He votes for Katie. Willard finishes in 14th place, where we previously said goodbye to Stacy who sued Mark Burnett, Mad Dog, who charmed us with her singing but was betrayed by pal Tina, Carl the dentist who was felled by the lazy Samboohoo kids, My noble Hunter who was ousted by Chachi and his minions and had moved on to a nice TV hosting career, Jed the dentist who was lazy and good fer nuthin, Daniel who couldn't cross a balance beam, and whiny mopey martyr female boy scout Lill, who returned to the game like something out of a horror movie. Last year, the "fat dudes" took out cute FBI agent Brady because of his age and despite his work ethic.

SECOND TRIBAL COUNCIL

The U-Turns slink in and take their seats to a chorus of "mmmmm, this STEW is SO good--I forgot how GOOD food is!" as the Er-Rors begin to chow down. The U-Turns are by this time too demoralized to say anything beyond how mad and sad they are, which can hardly be called "Intel" for the Er-Rors to glean. Ibrehem is close to tears when he expresses his frustration at being singled out for his failure today, "Everyone's acting like this is about winning stew. Well it's not about the stew, it's about winning the whole thing!" Bless his heart for thinking THAT'S still possible. Well, as if they hadn't been kicked around and beat down enough, Jeff throws them another monkey wrench: The Er-Rors will now go and vote to give somebody on the U-Turn tribe Immunity in tonight's vote. In other words, they will now lose their right to self-determination. Everybody but James who should be Jim Bob gets some votes (gah, stupid VCR, I can't say how many nor who voted for who. We weren't shown every vote though. I remember that Greg voted to save Angie) but Ibrehem wins. Then Jeff dismisses Er-Ror before the vote, which is kind of a rip-off, I thought. I guess they'll see what happened soon enough. Then we get our first tie in a looooong time. Angie receives two votes, from Bobby Jon and JWSBJB, Bobby Jon receives two votes from the girls and JWSBJB receives a vote from Ibrehem. To resolve the tie, Jeff sends them back but now they must vote out EITHER Bobby Jon or Angie, and this time, Angie is out unanimously--gal pal Stephenie does the math and decides not to rock the boat.

Angie finishes in 13th place, the same position where puking Ramona left--the most memorable thing about her ouster to me was she commented that Poor Jenna was her "first white friend" and then they cut to Jenna bitching about Ramona and how she has to be voted out next. Bah, Jenna! 13 was also unlucky for skinny songwriter Mitch, Mother Africa-loving Linda, Chachi's busty "ace in the hole" Sarah, screaming Ghandia, idol-phobic Joanna, smug bully Burton (who also was allowed back by a deranged Burnett) and finally Travis aka Bubba, who ran afoul of Ami's all-girl band last season.

Tonight, eh, I'll stick to my picks form last week until they come true: James for U-Turn, Caryn for Er-Ror. It appears from the commercials that there will be no tribe shake-up, otherwise I would totally be predicting it.

Peace out! Christine :D