Survivor 2.11

And that's why they play the games. Elisabeth and Rodger seemed like
sitting ducks last week, but Amber goes in a stunner. You gotta love
Survivor.

The episode opens with a piece of music I'd call "The Bear Monday Blues."
Everyone's miserable and hungry. Despite the new batch of rice, most of the
tribe is still complaining. Tina is grateful for the rice, despite having
to sell the family farm to do it, revealing, "I was hoping for a bag of
Doritos. Regular, Cool Ranch--even those new Jalepeno-style chips are
delicious. But we have rice, which means we
won't starve to death, which was my great fear. I was confident CBS would
just leave us out here to die--I have heard horror stories about how they
treat their employees, and let's face it, if we started cannibalizing one
another for food, it would deliver a younger, sicker male demographic that
right now only watches CBS for Craig Kilborn."

Amber is a bit more optimistic, singing, "When I'm stuck with a day that's
gray and lonely, I just stick out my chin and grin and say: The sun will
come out tomorrow, bet your bottom bag of rice that tomorrow there'll be
sun." Amber must be feeling good to still be out here with less than two
weeks to go, having done practically nothing except help Jerri guard the
rice pot. She is now the odd man out of Ogakor, which made me feel sorry
for her. I mean, she's not evil, she's just weak. She fell in with a bad
crowd, officer.

Tina's not buying it. This was our first clue to tonight's outcome, Tina's
complaining that it wasn't fair that someone as useless as Amber could "fly
under the radar" and make it to the final four without earning it. "I don't
think Amber's justified to me her deserving to be out here. I mean, she
hasn't really even stabbed anyone in the back--why is she on Survivor again?
I got rid of Mad Dog, I got rid of Mitch, and I can certainly get rid of
Outback Barbie. Sweet girl, though." I scoffed at the moment because I
think, strategically, Amber's wishy
washiness worked in Tina's favor if she wanted to eliminate Keith or Colby
down the line, and, as the pointless party, she could be a million-dollar
insurance policy at the end--Jerri's the only one I could imagine voting for
Amber, unless it was between her and Keith. Even so I think Keith would win
against Amber. Elisabeth and Colby backed up my assumptions, with Liz
bemoaning her imminent doom and Colby defensively insisting that Rodger and
Elisabeth
are well aware that they are at Ogakor's mercy and are not long for this
world, "Look, Rodger and Elisabeth KNOW that they are only here because me
and Keith and Tina have allowed it to be so."

We get a re-run reward challenge, Kelly won the biner race last season. Liz
and Amber squeal like eight year-olds when they see the Aussie cowboys:
"Horseys!" Jeff tells them the winner will ride with the horsemen to their
camp and have beef stew, beans and of course, the nectar of the gods, Bud
Light. You can bet the Aussie cowboys were thrilled to have to drink
American swill for the cameras. I found myself rooting for Colby to lose,
just because his winning everything has become tiresome. Rich claims that
winning challenges is bad, and that he could have won them but chose not
to--whatever. I enjoyed Keith's inability to manage the challenge at all.
Colby wins as usual, and Jeff taunts the hungry campers with Colby's food,
which he tries to give the others. Jeff won't hear of it. Since the reward
challenges are designed to foster jealousy and bitterness, there's no
sharing allowed. Colby goes off on a hellish horse ride through a
thunderstorm over swollen creeks--good thing he COULD ride a horse, it
looked dicey.

But the true hell is what awaits the losers, who hike back to find their
camp has been swept away. Rodger saw this coming at the merger, but they
still rebuilt on the sand last week. I got really choked up at the ruined
camp and how sad our poor little survivors were--I was hoping for some State
Farm Insurance product placement, but no such luck. The camp looks like a
CSI crime scene. "We've lost the rice, we've lost the tent, we've lost our
knives, our fishing hooks" Tina laments, "It's a shame there's no Target
store out here. Target has everything a body needs: food, housewares,
sporting equipment--all in one convenient location with those great low
Target prices!"

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, American cowboy Colby bonds with the Aussie
cowboys. Of course, they think all Americans are Texan cowboys or
California lifeguards anyway.

The rest of the gang goes looking for the missing rice canister, and Keith
spots it. Keith and Tina risk life and limb to get the canister which is
caught in the river. I have to give them major props, although Tina seemed
more sensible--Keith tried to walk across the little water fall--a much
riskier move than just diving in underneath like Tina did. Was Keith trying
not to get wet? When the group returns, they realize they can't cook
tonight because the matches were in Keith's wind-breaker pocket (Keith is
still match monitor) and were swept away. Uh, kids, remember when Jeff says
"fire represents life"? It's true. I know the first season survivors had
it easier (despite Rich's assertions on today's Early show, puh-leeze.
Sunsets, superhero game, tapioca pudding? Y'all were living large Richy
Rich) but they DID keep their matches hanging in a waterproof canister
hanging from a tree. Of course, that would make them community property,
which wouldn't sit well with the Chef. Anyway, the cold wet hungry group
has to huddle together for warmth and no one gets much sleep. The next
morning, Keith tells us, "I can honestly say that was the worst night of my
life, and I just spent about twenty nights with Jerri, so you can imagine
how terrible it was. I mean, I'm even counting the night she sang Fiona
Apple songs." The group argues over where to rebuild. Rodger finally gets
his way and they build in the grass--Tina seems VERY concerned about being
hit by lightning and I wonder if there's any childhood trauma back story
there.

Colby returns to find the shambles of a camp and the family reunites. Amber
seems especially glad to see Colbster. Just me, or were they playing music
from the Shawshank Redemption as they showed how miserable everyone was?
Colby feels guilty for missing it, and the double-edged sword of reward
challenges when they take you away from the others. Only Jerri benefitted
from the isolation, because everyone felt like a winner when Jerri was gone.
Now, on the Early Show today, Bryant Gumbel and the panel kept talking about
how resentful the others were of Colby's winning all the time, but I'm not
actually catching that from the tribesmen. It keeps Colby out of the
descision-making loop, but Amber said everyone wants to win and doesn't
begrudge Colby or anyone else for trying their hardest, and I'm inclined to
believe her. Rich and Sue have both gone on record saying "don't win any
challenges, it makes people dislike you," when we ALL know that they got rid
of everyone in a preconceived order. Rich and Sue didn't win any challenges
because they weren't good at anything except lying in the hammocks plotting.
Stop acting like Kelly didn't outshine you.

Immunity challenge! Jeff greets the motley crew, "Say, back at the hotel,
we were all watching the tape--you guys had a rough night, huh?" Tina's "Go
bleep yourself" glare was a classic. "We don't need your pity!" Amber
shoots back at the well-scrubbed Mr. Probst. The challenge was great, and
revealing as everyone apologized for trying to knock the others out. Keith
and Colby kept calling one another "bro" the way you call someone "sir" or
"ma'am" when you work a nametag job and you can't call them what you really
want to call them without getting fired. It was just hilarious as everyone
made excuses for wanting to win: "Uh, that's the closest plate to me..."
Colby, this year's Kelly, is almost unstoppable in athletic challenges.

No real hints leading up to tribal council. I thought it was mildly
arrogant of Amber to say that tribal council is a bummer because there's one
less person to talk to when you get back, without expressing fear about her
being booted off. Maybe that was a hint, but I didn't catch it.

Jeff asks about the shelter, and Rodger blames the womenfolk for wanting a
softer surface to sleep on. Careful careful, Rodger, lots of women on the
jury--and as I remember it, Jerri was insistent on the beach. No one wanted
to fight her because they didn't want to come off abrasive at the merger.
Or they lacked the guts to cross the Wicked Queen. You made your bed, now
you'll have to fish it out of the stream. Blame, even if there's truth to
it, comes off bad at tribal council. Jeff asks Lil Liz how she's holding
up, "Just hanging on, minute by minute, waiting for God's mercy to free us
from the tyranny of CBS Programming." Tina goes on a full-on rant, "There's
a new sheriff in town. I want to spend the last few days here with the
people I like best, the nicest people." Jeff:"Does that mean the people
you've gotten rid of are jerks?" *take camera 2, Alicia with a "Choose your
next words carefully, bitch" scowl on her face* "Er...uh...no, no, of course
not. I love them, they're sweet kids but they had to be taken out. It was
their time to go."

The voting begins, and it APPEARS the alliance is going to knock off
Rodger--which surprised me. I thought Elisabeth was a higher risk to win
immunity, but it looks like the alliance felt Rodger was more sympathetic?
Amber calls him a "father figure," which I'd agree with--so glad she didn't
say grandpa. Colby shrugs, "Stickin' with the batting order, coach. That's
the way the cookie crumbles, your number is up. Que Sera sera. Hasta La
Vista." But Colby missed the meeting when the ownership of the Bear Monday
Survivor baseball team shifted to Keith and Tina, who decided to fly in the
face of all strategy by eliminating people in order of...niceness?
Usefulness? Worth? Tina is clearly the power here. But I think that's
clear to the jury and even if it's a benevolent dictatorship, I wonder if
this could cost Tina in the end. Keith was right last week--siding with
Jerri was a tactical error on Amber's part, and Tina and Keith never forgot
it. Maybe that's why this makes sense--they could never trust her NOT to
betray them with Colby. Of course, she is now back under Jerri's control at
the hotel. And I just don't see Jerri voting for Colby, Keith OR TIna,
unless she has to.

I was pleased to see Amber go--she is the least deserving of the six. But
now what? Who is least deserving of the remaining five? Based on what
we've seen, I think Rodger and Elisabeth work harder than the others at
fishing, and Keith and Tina did the exciting food rescue...So Colby seems
the best candidate for dismissal all of the sudden. However, if he gets
immunity, I wouldn't be surprised if he uses the opportunity to off
Keith...though Keith, to me, is now the one you want next to you at the end.
He WILL NOT win that jury vote, he just won't. But...Keith is the least
likeable (to me), so if this is just about who Tina wants to play backgammon
with, I'd guess Rodger and Elisabeth are going to the end--otherwise, why
not off them now? I'm so confused. Rodger has such a great chance of
winning a jury vote, he's done so much, he's taught people to fish...I don't
get keeping him around unless you really are SO fair that you REALLY TRULY
want the most deserving person to win...and that's not the vibe I get from
Tina and Keith. They aren't horrible people like Rich, but they want to
win, right? And they have agendas...right? I just don't get it.

Of course, I've been wrong about everything so far, and I love it. I hope
next week is equally surprising. The scenes tell us we will finally get
messages from home (I now suspect CBS was saving on money by delaying this
one, having to procure fewer letter/video/possible reward visits in week
twelve than week seven) and some in-fighting between Keith and Colby--are we
finally going to lose the passive from the aggression? Stay Tuned!