Survivor 2.10

Proving he wasn't edited to look stupid, I read earlier this week that Dr.
Dumb from first season guessed Nick was going to "fly under the radar" and
win it all. In other Survivor news, the show has had to apologize for the
coral Colby snatched from the great barrier Reef, which is apparently a
crime (seems it was that guide/pilot's job to tell J&C the rules, and it
seems he didn't), and jerri's claiming she was edited to look like a bitch.
America loves to hate you, Jerri, just deal with it. Look on the bright
side--Sean'll believe ya!

The hot weather, rain storms and lack of food all take their toll on the
remaining survivors--who lack the strength to rejoice in Jerri's absence.
This year seems so much harder than last year, so demanding! Last season,
the evil alliance could just lie in their hammocks all day and ignore the
Pagong kids they were going to execute, but these contestants have had to
really work to eat and live in a harsh environment and its blurred the
tribal lines.

I wonder why CBS has chosen not to let us know more about the personal
lives of the players--last season, there was that whole reward challenge
about getting a video from home, and a letter...we know so little about
this year's cast--Tina and Keith are both parents (had to read the CBS bios
on the website to find THAT out), we never hear about their kids, etc.
What's up with that?

Anyway, Keith is whistling a happy tune, but Elisabeth and the others would
gladly put up with Evil jerri's mojo if she'd whip up some kick ass
tortillas for them to grub on. Even the Outback Turtles are tormenting the
Bear Monday's, eating their bait and taking the precious fish hooks with
them--perhaps they were friends of Michael's pig. I just wanted to give
Liz a hug the whole episode, she was breaking my heart, poor kid.

Amber misses jerri, and is upset that the others didn't trust her enough to
clue her in--notice she DOESN'T complain about the decision per se. Keith,
dizzy with power, declares that Amber made a tactical error by being
friends with Jerri and becoming so identified with her. "I'm sure she
feels vulnerable because MY powerful alliance can destroy her, but she
should have thought of THAT before she voted against me in week 4. She's a
big girl, she made her bed..." Uh, say Keith--you still NEED Amber in
order to survive, be nice. I'd love to see Amber go further than Keith, he
really bugs the crap out of me. He is so danged *sure* of his place in the
final four, I'd love to see him take a fall. Now that Jerri's gone, he's
my least favorite.

Colby shrugs off the food issue, confident that his mental discipline can
overcome physical hardship. If he had a mirror in which to view his ribs
sticking out of his back, he might change his tune. He practically scoffs
at the others' whining about food with yet another Colby special: "if if's
and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas." Did Colby
sneak a dictionary of platitudes under that flag of his? Colby has all the
qualities--good and bad--of being a high school track coach. We should
start a pool on which one he'll pull out next. Will it be "Winners never
Quit and quitters never win"? or "When the going gets tough, the tough get
going"?

Keith and Colby try to catch grasshoppers to use as fishing bait. Anyone
else wonder why they didn't use the net to try and fish or am I being
naive? Keith runs around like an idiot, boasting about his hunting prowess
"Colby may be able to ride a bull, or a bronco, fix cars, dazzle the ladies
with his blinding smile, do more push ups that me, but...er...uh...boy, I
kick his ass when it comes to catching grasshoppers!" I think Keith needs
some Daily Affirmation. Keith: you're good enough, you're smart enough,
you own your own restaurant, you've got a nice build, you seem fairly
witty, in your own way (when you aren't trying too hard) and people (not
me, but other people) like you--chill the hell out. Colby strolls around
waiting for the grasshoppers to jump into his hand, apparently. He is
amused by Keith's mastery over the hopper hunt, pretending not to care by
making "Kung Fu" jokes and laughs off Keith's abilities as though it
doesn't matter to him that Keith could actually be better at something than
the Colbster, but you know it does. The grasshopper segment is a sad
little display of male vanity by both men.

Amber and Liz fetch the mail--anyone catch a Petticoat Junction vibe with
that music? The reward challenge is a food auction, and everyone wins
something--and they get to pay for it using funny foreign money. The first
item is some Doritos and salsa. OKAY, Doritos RULE, we fricking GET IT!!!
Liz and Tina team up to win a turkey dinner away from Keith (the potatoes
probably weren't ripe enough anyway, Keith) while Amber has mixed results.
She wins fries with dressing--you just KNEW she was one of those ranch
dressing girls--no offense ;) but is suckered into blowing a wad of cash on
a glass of water behind door number three. Keith and Colby high five over
this, saying "we knew it was a set-up!!" So...why did you bid on it Keith?

The blessed food takes it's revenge on the internal workings of the
castaways, who all get sick, except for Amber and Colby it would seem. We
are then treated to Nick and Rodger's discussions about...things we
shouldn't be subjected to, really. This episode is the nadir, I hope. I
mean, after Jerri's being vanquished, it was bound to be a letdown, but,
weak people moaning in agony over how hungry they are and now a whole
segment about...washing excrement off of one's butt...It's America's Night
on CBS!

If you want to meet the winner of Survivor, I'd comb the want-ads for an ad
that says "Ugly yellow Pontiac Aztec--never used. $20,000 obo. Won in
game show, along with enough money to buy a car that ISN'T stupid-looking."

The rain has taken its toll on the camp, and the water keeps rising,
threatening the camp. This is Jerri's last revenge--Rodger and others had
considered this possibility and suggested camping higher up, away from the
water. But Jerri got her way, and now they are in trouble. Nick notes:
"For me, personally, not eating is really bad. I'm not sure what to do
about it really. Everyone else is at the river with these strings in the
water...not sure what that is about. I'm sick, tired, and I'm gonna be
next to be voted off if I don't get immunity because I'm such a threat to
everyone in the competitions." Yeah, and because you're a selfish lazy
turd, Nick. >:( Elisabeth confesses to the camera that she's disappointed
in her Kucha tribesman for lying around conserving energy while she and
Rodger suffer to provide fish (Liz caught a fish--go girl!). "Golly, I
hate to say anything mean but...if Nick wins immunity by being a no-account
slacker, then either Rodger or I get voted out even though we are the only
ones really fishing... that seems kind of unfair but...maybe that's the
kind of immoral behavior it takes to win Survivor, if last season is any
indication."

SO, time for immunity challenge. I was rooting for ANYONE but Nick at this
point, because Liz was right, and if anyone in kucha was gonna go tonight
it damned well better be NoGoodNick. The challenge requires the players to
build a fire in a bucket. Once that's going, they fill a bucket on the
other side of a see saw to try and raise the fire up to a firework thing.
Of course, the bucket has a hole in it so it requires lots of running.
Anyone else get "Rich builds the fire and wins immunity" flashbacks
*shudder*? Nick finishes his fire first. Colby takes to longest. BY FAR.
Everyone's way ahead of him and he just keeps tending that fire. "Slow
and steady wins the race," he cackles to himself. Keith grabs his water
bucket to CLEARLY give it a little help up to the firework. Jeff chastises
him and Keith says, "Uh, er, just checking the balance!" Uh....WHY????
Dang cheater. "DON'T!" Jeff says firmly--and it won't be the last time he
has to play stern parent to the cast this episode, either. Then when
Keith's fire raises up fair and square, he throws his pail in the air in
victory--but it's a premature celebration and he has to scramble to reclaim
it and fetch more water. His arrogance costs him the game--Colby is able
to surpass him--he built his fire high and hot so that it required less
water to get it up to the firework. He's ecstatic, Keith sulks. Cheer-up
Keith, you're still master of the Grasshopper domain, provided you don't
let them out of your pocket when you're boasting to the camera about how
good you are at catching them...

Back at camp, everyone is still starving to death. Nurse Tina frets over
the especially noble, fragile Liz, who sobs when she realizes she's too
weak to help feed her tribe. Nick suggest she just chill by the fire with
him. I thought they should try and catch one of those turtles to eat, with
their net. You can eat turtles, right? Jeff shows up with rice--and a
stern lecture. They were given enough food, but didn't ration properly.
When Tina explains that each tribe lost a bag by not storing it properly,
someone--I couldn't tell if it was Jeff or Colby--snaps at her "COME On!"
Like she was making excuses, which I didn't think she was. Whoever it was,
back off, she was explaining what happened, OK? I think Mark Burnett or
whoever was partly to blame for all this misery--when they merged into one
tribe they were told to leave their boats behind--which I think could have
helped them fish away from the dreaded turtles. Following in the "Let's
make a Deal" vein established with Amber's being duped into trading cash
for the mystery box, Jeff offers them four big bags o' rice in exchange for
THEIR SOULS!!! Actually, he asks for their tarps and Colby's big Texas
flag. Everyone seems open to the trade. Liz, fast becoming Survivor's
answer to Tiny Tim whispers brokenly, "if we could eat...we
could...build...does anyone else see the angels? What a beautiful
song...yes, I'll come with you...into the light...must go into....the
light..."

I think CBS just needed Colby's flag for an episode of "Walker:Texas
Ranger" but was too cheap to get one, so they created this whole elaborate
trade as a rouse. Colby warns Jeff to take care of it--I'll bet it's still
hanging in Les Moonves's office until he sells it on ebay: "SURVIVOR PROP!
COLBY's TEXAS FLAG. This flag was Cowboy Colby's luxury item. Comes with
8x10 of the Survivor2 cast. Please see my other auctions for other
television memorabilia and promotional items!" Seller Name:bigguyattheeye1
They should have made everyone else lose their luxury items: losing Tina's
backgammon set would have been BRUTAL! Amber brought a journal and a
pen--I smell a book deal.

So, they accept the offer, but must now rebuild. Everyone pitches in for
the barnraising, except Nick who is to busy hammering the nails into his
coffin to help build the new shelter--which they inexplicably build on the
site of their old structure--which is very near the rising waters.
Which...they were worried about earlier. They should have eaten the rice
first, poor confused little survivors. :(

Now, it's time for tribal council. Amber's feeling nervous. Keith and
Colby whisper about her in front of her to make sure she's really
nervous--even though they still need her on their side. Amber contemplates
switching to Kucha but realizes she has no real standing with them either.
The fact that Jerri's ouster wasn't the "smart" move is clear, and
everyone's at risk if Amber throws in with Rodger and Liz. Colby is
concerned with Amber's growing closeness to Elisabeth--as she ominously
helps Liz carry a bucket of water to the camp. I think Colby's missing the
bigger picture here--Tina's friends with EVERYBODY. Once Kucha's gone,
Tina is almost invincible. Look for her to avoid getting picked off by
Colby and Keith by getting Amber on her side--a tie will go in Tina's favor
against either guy, she has no votes yet. :)

At the council, Jeff asks if everyone's pulling their weight, but Colby and
Rodger fib and say everyone's doing their share--why antagonize a future
juror, right? Jeff asks how Amber's feeling and she claims she's become a
"riskier person" in the outback--anyone catch the "Oh sh*#" looks that
Colby and Tina gave, thinking they may have lost her to Kucha? Terrific.
However, Amber votes the party line, ousting Nick. Amber picks up her
first two votes from Liz and Rodger, who hoped for another Ogakor sell-out.
Nick votes for Keith, based on his arrogant decision not to bring his
backpack to the council meeting, so sure he wouldn't be leaving that night
(maybe he just didn't feel like carrying anything, Nick, you can relate to
THAT , right?.) Tina and Colby were equally sure they'd be going back to
camp, but showed some damn class, Keith. So three people got votes this
time--common first season, but rare this go around. The tribes were in
agreement this season, last season, votes all over the place.

There once was a law student, Nick
He was hungry and lazy and sick
It wasn't a shock
when out ran his clock
and out of the tribe he got kicked

Now we have six players left. The alliance should hold, with Rodger and
Liz getting the boot (barring immunity, fight for that immunity guys!).
But, three votes can deliver a tie--meaning if ANY rogue member of the weak
alliance sides with Liz and Rodger, a tie can be achieved. This mini
alliance of Rodger (no votes), Liz (2 votes) and OgakorX (?votes, but not
the target of Ogakor voting block) could eliminate Keith (4 votes) or Colby
(5 votes) in the tiebreaker. BUT this PROBABLY won't happen--why??
Because Liz and Rodger are so damned likable. No one in Ogakor benefits by
their sticking around, in my opinion. Next week, EXPECT Liz to go, barring
immunity, unless something BIZARRE happens.

Random trivia: Nick is voted out at the same point in the game as fellow
man of color Gervase was last season--imagine the continued symmetry if
lovable Liz bites the bullet next week--just like Colleen did in week 11
last go around.

Previous votes matter--sometimes. Rich won the vote for the million
despite garnering several votes along the way. Kelly lost the popularity
contest despite never having a vote cast against her in any tribal council.
Go figure.

Did you know Reno, Nevada is further West than Los Angeles? Check a map,
its true.

Next couple weeks I'll be visiting family and using strange computers to
pen and ship the review--expect delays. Christine :)