Survivor 13.6 "Typically in life, I'm either hated or I'm loved."

Go see Helen Mirren and James Cromwell in "The Queen," it's a wonderfully acted and written film and you won't regret it :)

The episode actually started with action after the "previously on....SURVIVOR!" part, before the credits, which was unusual. We saw the tension at Raro after Cristina was accused of bossiness at Tribal. Adam just continues to get in her face, telling her she's rude, and she shoots back that he's rude. Cristina offers to try and change and Jenny and Adam are like, "You can't change who you are, it's just your personality, we don't expect you to change." Whish is pretty much saying "We're voting you out next, and there's nothing you can do about it." Rebecca and Brad both tell US that they feel bad for Cristina, and feel she's getting the raw end of the deal, but neither sticks up for her during the awkward campfire fight. Cristina cries on camera, and tells us that the Tribe's politics are worse than getting shot. Another reason why you won't see me signing up for Survivor any time soon, that and the starvation and the millipedes. Roll Credits....

WHAT WOULD THE AMAZON'S JOANNA DO?

At iTunes, Ozzy continues to amaze and impress everyone with his fishing skills. Jonathan sits in the boat and...counts the fish, I guess? Lend moral support? He rhapsodizes about Ozzy's ability to hold his breath for 2 and a half minutes, "The kid is like an otter or something! We need his strength right now so our group can move on but once the other team is taken care of, we gotta get rid of this guy, he's too good!" Ah, the harsh reality of Reality. They just better do it before that old, "hold your breath underwater challenge" we've seen pop up several times. Back at camp, Yul and Jeflicka return with Tree Mail, which promises a feast to today's contest winner, but doesn't mention the Idol (the tribe with the Idol is usually told to bring it when it's at stake) so Jeflicka assumes they should leave Punchy behind. Cao Boi wants to take it...or should I say, him. Cao Boi has some to believe that the Immunity Idol has been possessed by an Ocean fertility god, and has become an extra member of the tribe. Then he prattles on about how he's the tribe's priest and it makes him feel holy when he carries the idol so he should bring it. Everyone is looking uncomfortable except Candice who can barely contain her laughter as she gives one of her standard, "God, could he BE any weirder?" looks. Jonathan is the only one who stands up to him, saying it just rubs their win in the other team's face. Then he goes on in his patronizing-Jonathan tone, "And I most of us feel that way, right? Let's vote." No one really joins in, even though they don't want the Idol to come along, and Cao Boi relents on his own. I would love to see how the Amazon's Joanna would react to all this, Joanna was the Christian who was wary of the CBS prop department Immunity Idol, fearing that they may have been breaking the 2nd Commandment by winning it. Anyway, Jonathan bemoans Cao Boi's Cao Boiness, "He does have to get talked out of a tree once in a while, but no one else speaks up--which is fine, I guess I'm the de facto spokesman for the tribe because I'm an actor and a writer and so that's in my skill set." Yul is more understanding about Cao Boi's hard-headedness, because he knows it comes from his traumatic refugee past, but he's still worried about the man's unpredictability...

REWARD CHALLENGE

No real reaction to Stephannie's departure. Jeff tells them about the day's very physical challenge, in which two players from one team will have to forcibly remove the other team's player from a pole and then drag them back to their mat. The winners will get a fest of lamb shanks, bread, and apple cider, which they will eat as they watch the other team's tribal council...after they hold their own tribal council. Yes, finally, it's double eviction. With 20 people, I wouldn't be surprised if this isn't the first of several. Some people react with shock and horror, others seem to think it's gonna be cool. The game has to be equal, with only men fighting men and women fighting women, which may stem from that icky mess between Hatch and Sue during All-Stars. So iTunes must sit out a man and everyone suggest Cao Boi who argues, "If Tengo Roa, aka Punchy was here, then he could sit out, but Fine!" I guess they picked him because oldest and rather slight, but he's scrappy as hell, I dunno. It does turn out to be a very vicious contest. Candice shows surprising grit in her refusal to be easily moved from the post. Does anyone else think Candice looks like a blond Shawnee Smith? There's a resemblance, trust me. She was in "The Stand?" She usually plays crazy? She was on Becker? Anyway, she gives iTunes a lead. Cristina accuses Jeflicka of choking her, then gives Jeflicka an nice jab to the throat with her elbow. Then she tries to pull down Jeflicka's pants, and Jeff sounds very creepy and turned-on when he points that out. Jonathan gets very "scary soccer dad" as he exhorts his team, "PICK HER UP! C'MON!!!" Sundra is just as tough as Candice, and Princess Becky hold her own with Jeflicka against the tough LA cop. iTunes emerges battered (Ozzy, in particular, who has cuts all up and down his neck and face), but victorious, in large part because of it's small but spunky women. Then Jeff leaves the group with one more thing to think about--there will be yet another twist at Tribal Council...

PLOTS AND PLANS

iTunes returns, with Jonathan jabbering away and Candice and Sundra holding hands, which is very girly and innocent but when they continue to drape themselves around one another at camp it seems fraught with hoyay, I dunno. Everyone's really proud of how hard they fought, and Ozzy gives the girls their props for being the difference makers in the challenge. Jelficka laughs, "I never wrestled a cop before." Jeficka then tells us in a diary segment that they're happy to win but sad that someone's going home. The plotting and planning portion of the show then begins, signaled by a sitar intro that I swear was lifted straight off of The Beatles' "Love You To." It begins with Cao Boi relating a crazy-ass dream he had to Yul about invisible warriors, "...and there's this shaman lady and she had all kinds of credit card applications." Uh..okay. We've all had crazy dreams. But Cao Boi goes all "Paul McCartney on us and pulls "Yesterday" from his, or the Survivor equivalent, a perfect, ingenious plan to smoke out Immunity Idol out of Jonathan's hands. He dubs it "Plan Voodoo," which is soooo Big Brother, naming a plan. It basically entails splitting votes equally between Candice and Jonathan 3 and three, forcing which ever one of them has it to use it on themselves, and thus causing Jeff to eliminate the other. Yul is impressed with plan, and sees the value in weakening the original White tribe, which has yet to lose a member. The only problem with it: Neither Candice nor Jonathan has the idol, Yul does. Cao Boi's fear of the White Tribe getting back together also highlights his poor grasp of tribal politics. Not only does he see himself as Yul's right hand man (as opposed to real BFF Becky), he fails to see what a complete outsider Jeflicka is with her former tribe. Cao Boi drums up support for his plan at a Jonathan and Candiceless campfire, "THe Idol will be played tonight--somebody has it!" Yul bites his tongue.

At Raro, Adam is too angry at being outwitted by some crabs to be thinking to hard about the game--thinking hurts! "Dammit! I just wanna get these guys and go to sleep!" he whines. Nate admits that the back-to-back losses have tempted him to go off by himself and sulk, but he resists and vows to get the tribe some food so they'll eat well BEFORE they have to watch the other tribe eat in front of them. I like Nate, he takes his role as a leader very seriously and he tries to do the right thing. Elsewhere, Cristina does a reverse Stephannie, and goes to each member of her tribe, even the ones she doesn't like, and asks for a chance to prove herself as an asset to the tribe, "I'll keep working hard, I promise I won't fail you guys," she pleads. Brad tells her he's always willing to give someone a chance while Parvati tells her, "I don't know WHO I'm voting for--I haven't even really thought about it, you know?" Which is the absolute biggest bunch of bull that anyone on ever try to sell you on Survivor because there's nothing else to do EXCEPT think about who you're voting for, so when someone says this to you, be assured you're getting at least one vote at Tribal Council. She apologizes to Dumb Adam for her roll in their acrimonious relationship, which can't be easy, and he smiles and pretends to entertain the possibility and then rags on her behind her back, "She's the outsider, trying to get us to go against each other," while telling her, "Let me go ask these other guys what they want me to do, because I don't think for myself anyways." He then tells Jenny that he shines Cristina on a little about the fact that he was at least considering keeping her and Jenny barks, "You guys aren't pulling anything one me, are you? Are you?! Cuz I'll cut ya! Rah!" Yeah...it's way too early to be this paranoid, Jenny. Dumb Adam is too dumb to be alarmed by her lack of trust, which she's bound to hang herself with. Then Nate returns with the octopus and Cristina tries to get him so keep her around and Nate, naturally listens. He's impressed with what a tough competitor she is. He has a confab with Rebecca, and he tells her, "If we kept her, she'd be loyal as hell because we gave her a chance." Rebecca starts to complain about the way Adam talks to her and Nate snaps, "He needs to get some class, You don't speak to a woman like that in disrespect!" Salt n Pepa's "What A Man" starts to play as Rebecca nods in approval. Nate then expresses his fear that the Asians will get back together after the Merge, and so getting rid of Jenny wouldn't be such a bad idea. The fact that the original White and Asian tribes are still intact, though separated, has not gone unnoticed but Nate is torn. Both women are tough, and he's not sure he trusts either of them. Meanwhile, Cristina offers politely to help Jenny with the cooking, and Jenny struggles mightily not to come off bitchy and petty...and fails.

Back at iTunes, Cao Boi and Jeflicka do some yoga together whilst Jonathan lobbies Yul to dump Cao Boi, because he's "pissing people off." Jonathan is irritated by Yul's desire to protect everyone's feelings. Cao Boi meanwhile gets a lot of agreement, to his face, anyway, about "plan voodoo." Sundra isn't sure that Cao Boi is wrong about the White Alliance (as he calls it) reforming after the Merge. She's especially leery of Jonathan, who reeks of "me me me" self-motivation. Becky says as much to Yul, "The girls don't trust Jonathan, he's crafty. He's always trying to catch your eye and get you to feel some bond with him." Jonathan doesn't feel comfortable turning on the alliance he's made with Jonathan and Candice, though the others' suspicion of Jonathan is starting to rub off on him. Then we see Yul without his shirt off and holy crap is he ripped! He doesn't walk around half-naked like all the other guys do all the time and he really should do it more often. Then Cao Boi comes to Yul and proudly assures him that everyone's onboard to boot Jonathan with his voodoo plan and Yul looks mortified. Cao Boi plays the race card, insisting, "We're brothers, we gotta remember that." But can Yul really trust wild card Cao Boi not to mess up Yul's long-term plan for the game? He is conflicted by his own sense of morality and his desire to win. Everyone trusts him, and he fears that everyone feels as though they're in some sort of an alliance with him. Even Ozzy, who would really benefit from Jonathan or Candice's departure (though he's too oblivious to the tribe's politics to realize it) wonder if the plan is a good idea. He knows that Cao Boi is the source of the "chaos in camp," as he calls it. Later, Cao boi assure Jeflicka, as they lay out in the sun by themselves, that everyone is on board with his plan. Jeflicka looks over at the shelter, where a large group is huddling together. "Why are they all in there whispering together, then?" she wonders. "Who?" "All of them." Cao Boi shrugs it off, "They're just discussing things. Relax. We'll be okay." Famous last words. Yul has stomach pain before Tribal COuncil, he's so nervous, and Cao Boi wonders if he's ever had an ulcer. Fortunately for Yul, there's no time to pull it out of his belly button...or worse! Jonathan seems worried but tells us he'd be shocked if he was voted off. I'm just glad the others don't trust him all that much, because he IS shifty...

TRIBAL COUNCIL ONE

Jeff is perplexed at the fact that Cao Boi has brought the Immunity Idol, and when Cao Boi tries to explain that they brought it because they have no Immunity, Jeff snaps, "Well, I haven't asked for it BACK! What do you want to do with it?" Man is he cranky this year. Cao Boi puts Punchy down and insists that he'll be another member of the tribe while Jonathan tries desperately to make eye-contact with Jeff so they can bond over what an idiot Cao Boi is, but Jeff doesn't bite. Candice gives off her "Ohmigod this is soooo lame," vibe, while Yul seems embarrassed on Cao Boi's behalf. When Jeff asks Ozzy what everyone thinks of Cao Boi's insistence on bringing Punchy everywhere, Ozzy shrugs, "Cao Boi feels really connected to it, others don't care about it, some are totally angered by it." Jonathan raises his hand and hops around like Hermione Granger trying to get Prof. Snape's attention, "Ooh ooh, Jeff! That's me! That's me! I'm totally angered by it! Ask me, ask me!" Jeff instead asks the diplomatic Yul to describe Cao Boi, and Yul calls him, "Shaman, cheerleader, fire tender...very loyal in his way. I can't say that I fully understand him, you know, he has his own perspective on things, like, say, thinking a CBS prop-shop wood block is now home to an ancient Vietnamese fertility god." Jeff asks Cao Boi if he's usually understood by others and he smiles, "Typically in life, I'm either hated or I'm loved." He goes on to say that most people come to at least understand that his will is good. Jeff moves on to concept of leadership, and Yul, the leader, claims demurely that there is no leader but that Jonathan and Cao Boi are the most vocal about expressing their opinions. "Jonathan is what I'd call a natural leader, he's very good about articulating his position and thinking for the group." Yul adds, which causes Jonathan to swallow nervously because he knows that "Leader" is code for "target" in the Survivor lexicon. Jonathan pipes up, his voice a few octaves higher than usual, "I appreciate his saying that, but it's not a role I assume, I certainly don't patronize these people or talk down to them in anyway," then he finishes quietly, "I don't think I do." Well, you know he's been accused of being patronizing in the past for him to blurt all that out so quickly, without anyone having actually said it. Very defensive, and it warms by heart to see cocky Jonathan a little scared. Jeflicka did a classic "Say WHAT!?" double-take at his "I don't talk down to anyone" bit that Jeff, surprisingly, didn't follow up on. When Jeff asks how everyone's gonna decide who to vote out, since the tribe is so successful, Ozzy lobs a softball about "his heart," and then Cao Boi gets back on the Crazy Train, "We're looking down the road..this is a chess game...expose the Queen!" Jeff asks what he means and Cao Boi explains that the Queen is the hidden Immunity Idol--man, will Cao Boi be disappointed when he discovers that the Hidden Idol is a compass, not a graven image. Jeff is all, "uhhhh. Oooookay. Time to vote, gee, I wonder, who's gonna get voted out, CUCKOO!" Everyone goes to cast their votes and we see yet another millipede of Horror because....it's Survivor: millipede Islands, I guess. Cao Boi votes for Candice while Jeflicka votes for Jonathan. Everyone else votes for Cao Boi. Ironically, he has to put down the Immunity Idol in order to get up and get his torch snuffed by Jeff, whom he salutes. Jeflicka, knowing exactly where SHE stands in the grand scheme of things, is unthrilled, and I don't care if that's not a word, spell check, I like saying it. In his exit, Cao Boi blames his ouster on the fact that he trusted other Asian people and shouldn't have, even though he got votes from all the United Colors of Benetton.

Cao Boi is evicted in 15th place, joining cranky B.B. who asked to be voted out, then regretted it and Kel who was accused by Jerri of smuggling food. In Africa, latina cop Jessie puked her way out of the game, while the Marquesas Patricia tried to be everyone's bossy mom, and paid the price. In Thailand, sweet and pretty Tanya puked HER way out of the game before the show's ugliest season got ugly and in the Amazon it was Janet who was accused of smuggling in food. In the Pearl Islands, Nerd Ryan was ousted for merely giving 110% instead of the 120% that Andrew Savage knew he was capable of giving while in Vanuatu, we were given an early reprieve from mouthy, mean Mia when her "friend" Lisa turned on her. In Palau we lost prissy Kim who kinda had a thing for fake-bad-ankle Jeff and in Guatemala we bid adieu to Brooke, who was smart...friends with Margaret? The tribe shake-up doomed her when Judd switched sides. And last season, funny Melinda was sent packing after a quick alliance was made between Aras, Danielle, Shane and Courtney, and a coin was essentially flipped between her and Cirie. Cirie made the extra time count, making it all the way to the final Four.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACTS

Cao Boi was once a used car salesman--run that image through your mind for a second, its fun! As I mentioned before, he is a veteran, having served with the elite 82nd Airborne. He's also a high-ranking member of a moose lodge. I will miss him--he was a lot of fun. I think someone should reimagine "One Day at a Time" with Cao Boi as the new Schneider. It would kill! :)

TRIBAL COUNCIL TWO

iTunes begins chowing down on their feast (with napkins!), as Raro is led in and takes it all in, including Cao Boi's departure, which surprises and distresses...nobody. Candice blows a kiss to Adam, and their flirtatiousness throughout the night isn't lost on an observant Brad. Everyone at Raro takes iTunes teasing in stride, with Adam insisting he doesn't even like lamb or apple cider, and that they have plenty of food back at their camp. Nate admits he does envy the feast and adds, "This loss was whack today!" Adam agrees that their losses have been very frustrating, and then he heaps praise upon Candice, saying she exhausted Rebecca and Parvati, and that was the difference. Candice mouths "I love you" back and then they both put on hats that say "White Alliance 4ever!" I mean, SERIOUSLY, how stupid are they? Jeff again tries to get them all to admit that it was a mistake to get rid of JP, and again, no one does. Then Jeff brings up what happened at the last Tribal Council, how Cristina was called "annoying," etc. which amuses Jeflicka and Ozzy. Brad says he did feel badly for Cristina, "Some things are better left unsaid. It was unfortunate that it came out at Tribal Council, in front of everyone." Jenny and Adam continue to giggle like mean little kids about Cristina's outsider status, and Jeflicka rolls her eyes whenever Adam speaks, remembering when SHE was the outsider with him. Cristina takes the high road, and Rebecca's eyes overflow with compassion at the doomed Cristina, especially when Adam goes on about how Cristina can't change her obnoxious personality, and that's why she doesn't mesh with everyone else. No one argues this point, but most of the tribe seems unhappy with his demeaning tone and his hurtful words. He's just one of those good-looking people who've never been treated badly so they don't understand how it feels. Then Jeff reveals the twist he promised: iTunes will now kidnap someone from Raro. That grants that person Immunity of course, takes away their vote at Tribal and they will compete with iTunes at the next Reward Challenge. Raro has of course shown ALL their cards, and I'd reason that the best move is to save the outsider, forcing the enemy tribe to eat someone they like, but iTunes goes with the idea of weakening the tribe for the next challenge, so they take the tribe's leader, Nate--who gets to partake of the iTunes feast. Cristina can't mask her disappointment at this, because she knows she's doomed now. Jeff then reminds everyone about the Hidden Immunity Idol protocol and Yul laughs, then explains, "It's...Nate's hair...it's just...funny. Ahem." iTunes is dismissed before the vote is revealed, and Raro predictably votes out it's scapegoat, Cristina. Jenny is shocked to get two votes--the other one coming from Brad, who maybe wanted to send her a message. It's interesting to note that with all the paranoia about the White and Asian teams reforming, both Jonathan and Jenny got stray votes from within their original racial team. Jeff dismissed Raro by saying, "You voted out JP because he was bossy, Stephannie because her heart wasn't in the game and now you've gotten rid of Cristina because she just didn't fit in. Three very different reasons to vote someone out. It may have seemed like I was going somewhere with that, but I wasn't. Get your torches, get back to camp." Cristina mostly takes the "I had a great once-in-a-lifetime experience" route with her exit speech, though it does get a little whiny and excusey too. She'll be fine though.

Cristina is evicted in 14th place, joining angry lawyer Stacey, who sued the show over her early ouster. In the Outback, Tina began her ascent to the top when she helped evict her "friend" the colorful woman named Mad Dog while in Africa, the evil friendship necklace kids got rid of Carl the Dentist because he had like, a job and stuff. In the Marquesas, Chachi and Vecepia both realized they needed to oust strong, handsome noble and true Hunter if they had any chance of winning, but Hunter's the guy hosting all those cable series about guns and planes and whatnot, so THERE. In Thailand, Jed the boring and lazy dentist was put out of our misery and in the Amazon, boring and whiny Daniel was sent packing. In the Pearl Islands we were all thrilled to say goodbye to crybaby martyr Lill, the female boy scout leader, but the stupid shoe brought her back and she came thisclose to winning. Man I'm still hacked off about that twist. In Vanuatu we said goodbye to Brady, the cute FBI guy who didn't thrill his superiors by appearing on the show and he was never heard from again. In Palau, a double-eviction doomed cranky Willard, the lawyer who claimed he was a mailman to avoid anti-lawyer backlash and in Guatemala, smart Brian's strategy called "Bait Blake" did indeed cause Golden Boy Blake to talk his way out of his tribe's good graces. Last year, young Misty tried to flirt her way through the game, and it didn't get her very far.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FACTS

I left out the fun because it isn't, but Cristina's backstory is quite fascinating. Her father was murdered when she was 12, and she started her path to being a cop when she joined the explorer program at the age of 14. She also served as a technical consultant to the Jennifer Lopez vehicle, "Angel Eyes."

Tonight, it's Jenny or Jeflicka, take that to the bank.

Peace Out! Christine :D