Survivor 13.4 "Let the king sit pretty."

SO the A's lost BOTH their opening home games in the ACLS, and my beloved Barry Zito got knocked around early and yanked in game one. Hopefully it won't be his last appearance in an A's uniform, but it might be. He's very philosophical in his blog on the A's site, which calmed me down a bit. The A's seemed nervous and outmatched (except for Milton Bradley)and it was really odd that it was our starting pitching that let us down. Still, I'm keeping the faith, it is a seven game series, after all. Let's Go Oakland! Unless you're the Raiders! :D

SCENE AROUND TRIBE

Remember: Becky is on iTunes and is Korean, Rebecca is on Raro and is African American. They are not the same person.

Morning at New iTunes. Ozzy is being quiet, keeping my hate at bay for the moment. Candice is returned from Exile, and Sandra is quick to note the girl's beauty-queen wave. We don't see Candice ask who was voted out last night, which I found odd. Maybe she assumed her new alliance would get things done, and new Cecelia was atop their hit list. Anyway, she is quickly grilled by Jeflicka (I'm splitting the difference), who wants to know if Adam and Parvati were behind her being the one sent away and a gum-chewing Candice is all, "Huh? Wuh? They hate me now? Huh?" Jeflicka either doesn't register or chooses to ignore the daggers of "Dude, be cool!" that Candice is trying to send her way, and presses on. Candice continues to chomp on her gum and sound stupid, "They probably sent me because I'm like, the youngest? I dunno." Jeflicka sighs wearily, "I can't figure why they'd send you unless they were trying to protect you, like, we couldn't have voted you off even if we wanted to." Candice then claims she "didn't have the time" to think about these questions on Exile Island, where there's no one to talk to, and really, nothing else to do BUT think. Candice later admits to us that she was merely playing dumb about Adam and Parvati's shielding her, because she doesn't want her new tribe to think she had a "Get of Jail Free Card," as we then get to see her pour it on with Sundra, "They gave me Immunity last night? No WAY!" She does a reeeeaally good stupid, let me tell you, but I got the feeling that Sundra wasn't buying it.

Meanwhile, at Raro, the men are sitting around laughing and drinking coconut juice or milk or what have you, while the women spruce up the shelter. This offends Parvati, yes THAT Parvati, Miss Flirt and Destroy, would like us to believe that she's some sort of feminist. She complains that the men feel they rule the roost because of their muscles (and Parvarti's constant eye-batting flattery probably helps too). The CBS promos made it seem like the men were slacking off and the ladies were doing all the work, but really, the men have been fishing all day and not fake fishing or futile fishing, like in previous seasons, but real, actual, "Here's a bunch of stuff for you to eat," fishing. So they're not weaving palm fronds, who the hell cares? JP IS feeling pretty cocky though as he boasts, "We're strong--stronger than the guys on the other tribe. And it's not like they ever have challenges based on brains, speed, skill or teamwork, right? Why as a matter of fact no, I haven't ever watched this show." He proclaims the four-guy alliance of himself, Brad, Adam and Nate to be solid and relaxed in their power-position within the tribe. Then he goes off to count some chickens that haven't hatched yet.

REWARD CHALLENGE

JP and Cristina display surprise and bummed-outness when they see that CeCe has left the building. Jeff presents a pretty meager reward: a hammock, some blankets and pillows. They're eating so well that it almost doesn't seem to matter who wins, though there is that whole Exile thing to factor in, plus bragging rights. Jeff is wearing a yellow shirt. I can almost guarantee that this is the first time he's ever worn yellow on the show and I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's not a very manly shade of yellow either it's very Easter-on-the-golf-course. I bet Julie picked it out. Anyway, Stephannie sits out for New Raro. The challenge is...an obstacle course, where two members are hooked into ropes that are twisted around the whole course, and team has to work together to untangle the ropes by maneuvering the girls around the course: Becky and Candice for iTunes, Jenny and Cristina for Raro. iTunes leads almost from the beginning, in part because Cao Boi flings the girls into the air and around logs willy nilly. When Becky frets that Candice is getting hurt, Cao Boi scoffs, "Don't worry about her, just do your job." Jonathan admonishes Cao Boi and the rest of the team, "Gently, guys! Let's not kill these girls." "Eh, we'll give 'em a pillow tonight," Cao Boi shrugs. Am I the only one who hearts Cao Boi? He says these potentially terrible things but I always laugh. Despite their philosophical differences regarding the girls' well-being, iTunes works waaaay better as a team than Raro. When Cristina asks for more slack, the guys shoot down her request and she becomes hopelessly tangled and stuck because the guys are idiots. Oh, I forgot to mention, after the obstacle course part, they have to solve a puzzle, and one person has to swim out maybe 150, 200 yards to get this KICK ASS decoder wheel, that's like a ship's wheel with numbers and letters on it. I want it so bad, but I'm always broke when that stuff comes up for auction. There are some hella rich Survivor fans out there, let me tell ya, and the stuff in my price range is always like, a crusty dinner plate. Anyway, Ozzy swims out and gets the Kick Ass Decoder Wheel (good band name, don't you think?) but iTunes struggles with the puzzle, allowing Raro to catch up when Brad returns with their Kick Ass Decoder Wheel. In the end, iTunes wins, and they send Adam away, which seems to especially please Jeflicka. Adam acts like it's no big deal, like it's so no big deal it's practically HILARIOUS, and he's whisked away. We get some cool whale shots, whales are awesome.

OZZY HASN'T WATCHED THIS SHOW EITHER

Back at camp, iTunes celebrates their victory of brains, teamwork and skill over brawn. Ozzy, who truly is like something out of Jungle Book, catches fish with his bare hands and his mouth and his feet and flings them in the boat, while Jonathan, sounding like a long-lost Alda brother can only marvel at the younger man's mad skills. Ozzy is quite proud of himself, and brags, "I'm happy being the sole provider of this tribe, and I feel like I have the most power because without me, everyone will SUFFER, so I'll never be voted out! And no, to answer your question, I have never before watched this show." The others will suffer soon enough should they cross him, but they don't know that, so everyone heaps praise on him for doing all the work so they won't have to. Yul dubs him Poseidon--for the Greek God of the Sea, not the disaster movie....yet.

ALL HAIL KING JP

At Raro, good-natured Nathan gives everyone a much need pep talk. He reasons that's it good for the team to get a little humbled, but the reality is, it wasn't an Immunity Challenge, so no one's going home, so who really cares, right? He does feel bad for Exiled Adam--probably because he's trying to imagine Adam being able to entertain himself, and somehow accidentally bashing in his own head with a clam. Then JP starts bossing all the girls around, ordering them about and micro-managing every last thing, and then kicking back to bask in his own JPness. Survivor's very own Gloria Steinem takes a break from her regularly scheduled power-flirting to assure us, "That just doesn't fly with me at ALL," cut to: (and seriously, God bless the editors of this show) JP telling her to fetch a machete and her hopping right to it. As we watch JP sprawled out and dozing between fits of command-giving, Parvati enlightens us, "JP is very demanding, but in a very sly, subtle way, that can only be noticed by keen observers of the human animal, like me." Like EVERYONE, Parvati. JP's an ass, no freakin' duh. Then she goes on to revel in how great she is at flirting, sigh, though I guess she is--she certainly has Nate wrapped around her...finger. So far, just the finger. As they whisper alone around the campfire, he tells her that the four men of Raro are very tight, but he assures her he's looking out for her too, "You're not gonna get, like, swooped off." Of course, we've never seen a four-man alliance last very long, because it usually behooves men to go against women in Individual Immunity contests (or at least, so they believe). In the 13 season run of Survivor, we've never had four men in the Final Four. We've had three men and one woman only twice (Africa and the Amazon) and in the Amazon, the woman won. I really dislike Parvati--I don't hate her, but she offends me as a woman, and she seems to be obviously playing up to the cameras. I do like Nate, but the fact that he's so into her is making me lose respect for him. He says of her that "...she's smart, but I can definitely trust her," as though he doesn't normally trust smart people, and then he calls her his "ace," ala Boston Rob with boobalicious nitwit Sarah in the Marquesas. Nate is aware of the potential for disaster regarding a reality showmance, claiming he doesn't want to be a "dum-dum" in regards to the lava-tornado of come-hitherness that Parvati unleashes on him at every waking second. I'm torn between wanting Nate to be smart because I like him, and wanting him to do something stupid so I can use the charmingly old-fashioned "dum-dum" nickname he's already prepared for me. ANYWAY, Parvati frets about JP's calling all the shots, and Nate tells her to relax--it benefits them to let him think he's in charge, and until it interferes with their game, they should just, as he puts it, "let the King sit pretty." Parvati decides to heed this advice...for tonight...

JONNY BOO-HOOS OVER CAO-BOI'S BOOBY BOO-BOO

In your face, Daily Variety. Back at iTunes, Ozzy, Jonathan, Cao Boi and Jeflicka go on a hike, and come across a booby (insert immature giggle here) in her nest. The band surmises she's sitting on eggs, and Cao Boi shinnies up a tree in order to poach them. The rest of the gang is kinda "eh, whatever" about the prospect of booby (oh, grow up!) eggs but Cao Boi gets it in his head that he must prove he can do it, so he does it. He gets attacked by the bird in the process and dumps the whole nest on the ground, and, sadly, there are no eggs to recover. Instead, there's a quaking newly hatched baby bird, which Jonathan cradles in his hands and gets all sensitive and weepy about, which only highlights the whole Alda-thing AND makes me like Jonathan a little because cares about defenseless baby birdies. I seem to change week to week on the guy, so I'm sure to hate him in the next episode, right? Anyway, Cao Boi is able to restore the nest (in a fashion) and return the baby to its mother, no harm no...fowl, and everyone apologizes to the bird and Cao Boi feels humbled and vows to stop doing stupid things (yeah, right) and the CBS promos made this out to be some kind of major tribe-dividing event and it soooo wasn't, so, once again, they lied to us through editing, tricky bastards!

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Dumb Adam returns from Exile as the tribes gather for the next Immunity contest. He may be dumb, but he's loved, and he gets a very huggy and kissy welcome home from his demonstrative tribe, while an embarrassed and repressed iTunes tribe looks away to avoid the public display of affection. Jeff explains the contest: four people assemble a puzzle that becomes a stretcher, they run to the beach, one of them swims out to "rescue" a member that's been shackled out there, they swim in, the rescuee gets on the stretcher, then they race back to camp where the three remaining tribe members must build a signal fire big enough to alert Jack that...wait, no, it's to lure the Others into a trap...oh NOW I remember, it just needs to burn thru a rope, releasing a flag, you all know the drill by now. Cristina sits out for Raro. Ozzy, Yul, Jonathan and Jeflicka build and race with the stretcher to rescue their lightest person, Candice, while Raro's macho men, Nate, Adam, JP and Brad rescue Parvati. Raro gets a lead building and running with the stretcher, but it evaporates when Ozzy blows doors on JP in the swimming portion (Brad would seem a better choice for Raro, having done well in the previous challenge's swim). The jump that the girls and their rescuers have to do to get down from their prisons is high and scary! Yikes! So iTunes' Cao Boi, Sundra and Becky get a pretty good lead on Raro's Rebecca, Stephannie and Jenny at starting the fire. Cao Boi gets the team's straw to smoke, and he starts dancing around to try and get it to ignite, causing Jeff to predict, "Cao Boi's either gonna be the hero, or just silly." It's the former, as Raro can't get it done, despite a mighty effort in which Jenny slices her hand open with an axe. Survivor ain't for sissies, ya'll. iTunes wins Immunity!

SISTERS ARE DOING IT FOR THEMSELVES

Back at Raro, Adam tries to piece together some kind of pep-talk using his limited vocabulary, but it falls flat. The women are resigned to the fact that one of them is going home, while the men are bummed about losing one of the girls (Nate looks to protect both his ace Parvati and his Hiki "Supremes", Stephannie and Rebecca). They are in no way concerned about their own skins, because you just don't get rid of a big buff dude until the merge--just ask Clarence Black, who was reviled by his tribe for filching beans in Africa, but survived because he was useful in challenges. Parvati lets the fire ladies off the hook, shrugging, "We were up against a Zen fire master, you guys!" and Jenny grimaces: perhaps due to her smarting hand, perhaps because she wonders whether Parvati would have invoked a Japanese philosophy had, say, Jonathan been the one to successfully stoke iTunes flame. Then Stephannie stuns everyone by declaring the loss her fault and herself the tribe's weakest link. The men, even a saddened Nathan, decide that Stephannie MUST go now, and Cristina suggests they at least tell her that's what's gonna go down, out of respect. Nathan likes that, "She leaves on a red carpet," he smiles. JP yawns regally and decrees, "Respect, great, great. You all handle that while I retire to my chambers." So JP goes to sleep...and the women go to work.

THis was a great episode for finally getting to get some insight into these ladies, many of whom have taken a back seat to their more outspoken tribemates so far. The heretofore silent Jenny comes up to Rebecca and asks whether the vote is going against Stephannie tonight, and an unthrilled Rebecca confirms that Stephannies mea culpa moment made it easy to give her the boot. "I wish she hadn't because I feel it makes us weaker," she sighs. Jenny knows what's what, "You mean us girls?" There's some awesome steel-drum music playing during all this, by the way. So Jenny and Rebecca decide to go off and talk turkey. Rebecca figures that the women have a 5-4 majority over the men right now, so this is the best time to make their move, rather then get in a pattern of voting out all the women in turn. Jenny is onboard, "I'm not ready to go home," she declares, so OVER her bloody wound, and ready to throw down. Rebecca smiles, "Girl? I'm not either!" Elsewhere, Cristina is having a heart-to-heart with Stephannie, who deeply regrets taking sole responsibility for the group's failure. Cristina frowns, "I think the guys took that as a sign of weakness." I can't believe I set myself up like that!" Steph cries. As if waiting off-stage for that perfect cue, Jenny slides up and offers, "There's a way to save yourself--a girl's alliance." Cristina is thrilled an quick to join up, and is also very quick to suggest her former iTunes team mate, JP. She was not impressed with his Billy-bullying and feels he can't be trusted. The only problem Cristina sees is Parvati, who's a lot closer to the men than she is the girls, "She'll talk to Nate and Nate will talk to the guys," she predicts. Jenny runs the JP scenario by a seemingly highly dubious Parvati, who gives her a weak "Let me think about it." Jenny is unrattled and unconcerned, quickly turning the girls' attention to a shocked Brad, who Jenny claims to trust, "to a point." Jenny is ALL business, and she came to PLAY. I will freely admit that I thought Stephannie WOULD go, and was merely pleased that everyone was hip to JP's game and willing to oust him eventually. After years of watching this show, I (happily)still know...nothing... :D

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff starts things off by asking Nate about what kind of role he's taking in the tribe, and Nate says he's still hiding a bit in his shell, "You can't be too assertive too early," he reasons, as the camera takes a perplexed JP, who wonders, "Why the hell not?" Jeff asks Jenny if the tribe has a leader and she hedges, "Uh...........................................not..................really." She then apologizes to JP before saying that JP likes to take command a lot. JP is tickled by Jenny's words and assures Jeff that he doesn't boss any one around. Hokay. Rebecca doesn't understand why she and the others couldn't make fire at the challenge because they do it all the time around camp. Jeff then asks Stephannie whether it would be fair to oust her because she failed to make that particular fire and she says it wouldn't be fair, and that everyone should consider the big picture. JP agrees heartily with this, freely admitting that Ozzy kicked his butt on the swim to the captives and he concurs with Stephannie that evictions shouldn't be based on the challenges. He's being so diplomatic at this point that I assumed he knew his name was coming up and he was already working on building bridges to the remaining four women, but he was in fact, oblivious to the drama swirling around him. Then Brad answered Jeff's inquiry about trust with a "trust is everything," and "I trust my gut 95% of the time" one-two punch, and I figured the guy's alliance was hanging tough for sure. Jeff asks Parvati if she trust everyone and she cops out. You know what would be great? If Parvati was as interesting as she imagines herself to be. Rebecca tells Jeff that tonight's business has to be done, and JP adds, "This will be my hardest vote yet, which isn't saying much since I totally despised that creepy little turd, Billy, but I still hope it sounds sincere." Onto the vote: JP is regretful of his anti-Stephannie vote, though he does condemn her for her moment of weakness, which is apparently abhorrent to MEN, RAH! Nate, working on outdated intel, tells Steph, "Your wish is my command." What winds up happening is that JP goes down 5-2!!! Brad, and an absolutely miserable-looking Adam go along with the stunning vote...and it seems like Nate didn't see it coming either. JP is positively gracious in defeat, taking the turn around like a man and with the understanding that it's just a game, and he got outplayed, "You guys outwitted me, big time," he says as Jeff quelches his flame. Jeff leaves the group with a snarky, "Hope you guys, and by guys I really mean girls, have a plan to start winning after voting out your strongest man, hello!" Oh Jeff, stop acting like there's one right way to play Survivor. This was great television, dang it!

JP is only the fourth person to be voted out in 17th place. In Vanuatu, sweet shepherd Dolly inadvertently played both sides of the fence when she tried to make friends with both factions of the all-woman tribe, and got the boot. In Palau, Ashlee, a nice, unmemorable girl (Mormon? Maybe?) paid the price as the losingest tribe in Survivor history continued down its path of infamy, and in Guatemala we said goodbye to Morgan...I'm sure you don't remember saying hello to her. Uh...she was blond, had some weird job--magician's assistant? She didn't amount to much, at any rate.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACTS

JP played volleyball at Long Beach State and has been an assistant coach for that school's women's team, so I guess that's it, he's just used to bossing girls around. He comes off really cool in his bio--big supporter of women's athletics, passionate about cancer research having lost both his parents to the disease--and he list "The Goonies as one of his all-time favorite flicks. He also claims that Survivor is one of his favorite TV shows, so...I guess he HAS watched the show. Didn't learn much: In the early stages of the game, it rarely pays to be bossy.

I hope to get the next review of to you before the next episode airs, but I always say that, don't I? Peace Out, and unless you're a lifelong Tigers fan or something, send my Oakland boys some love, would ya?

Peace Out, Christine :D