Survivor 13.5 "I got a octopus stuck to my foot!"

So, my beloved A's got swept in the ACLS. At least they put up a fight in the last game, but they just weren't hitting consistently all series. They were just outplayed on every level and the Tigers look like a Team of Destiny. If they face the Mets, I'll gladly root for them but if they face the Cards, I gotta support the Redbirds because you just don't root against your grandma's team, it's bad sports Karma :) I still love my A's and thank them for a wonderful season. I'll miss Barry Zito tremendously, and hope he lands somewhere other than Boston or New York (I guess I could handle the Mets), or Texas (Houston, fine, but not the Rangers), or Anaheim, or Seattle....sigh. You get the picture :( Being a small-market team sucks.

Okay, so on to business...

FREELOADING AT iTUNES

Jeflicka and Cao Boi hunt for fish whilst Sundra, Candice and Becky sit around comparing...their arm pits. This is what happens when you take television away from people. Cao Boi is annoyed with the lack of initiative of the three girls and he decrees, "If they don't correct themselves...they WILL be eliminated." Then Phil from the Amazing Race appears, eyebrow raised and demands Cao Boi compensate him for using one of his...trademark...phrases and pauses. More interesting is Cao Boi's utter lack of understanding regarding the tribe's politics, thinking that merit is gonna have anything to do with the tribe's next eviction. To paraphrase the much-missed Dana Scully from X-Files, he's overestimating his position on the chain of command. Tree Mail arrives, promising good-eating to the tribe who'll work best together in teams of two. "We're eating good tonight," Ozzy boasts. So you know they won't win. And is anyone else suspicioucs about Jessica announcing that her friends call her "Flicka" and lo and behold, there's a remake of the famous horsey film coming out, like, NOW? It would be weird product placement, but I wouldn't put anything past those Hollywood types ;)

REWARD CHALLENGE

I don't think there's ever been a bigger, happier more-surprised reaction to another team's choice of eviction. You had some good ones in Africa, because that season was the first tribe-shake-up ever, and people remained true to their original tribes to the point where it really was like Survivor: POW. iTunes can't believe their good fortune when they realize that Raro has eliminated their biggest, buffest dude, JP--in fact, you can tell that iTunes basically thinks Raro is full of idiots. And when Jeff (glad in his standard, classic blue shirt this time) announces they will basically be taking part in a weight-lifting contest, it seems like that may indeed be the case. In this challenge three pairs of Survivors from each team must hold onto hooks holding sandbags with one hand, while holding onto their partners with the other. Two other members must decide who to add weight to, when Jeff asks them to. I feel like we last saw this one in the Pearl Islands or maybe Palau? Anyway, it breaks down like this: Parvati and Jenny are the designated weight-adders for Raro, while Nate and Adam, Rebecca and Stephannie, and Cristina and Brad are the weight-bearers. For iTunes, Cao Boi and Becky add the weight, while Yul and Jonathan, Ozzy and Jeflicka, and Sundra and Candice to the weight-holding. Their playing for some more fishing supplies, spices and wine, which always gets people on Survivor in a state.

The contest begins and Adam says to Nate, "I hope they load up on us, because we can go as long as we can." Umm...so can everyone else, Adam. I think he meant to say, "As long as anyone else can," or "As long as we NEED to," but Words are just not Dumb Adam's friends. Nate is committed to getting that booze. Everyone's wearing cute little belts around their weights to help avoid back strain, which was a nice touch--thanks CBS Law Department! Everyone makes it past the first addition of more weight and Jeff says, "And we wait a little more." Jonathan points out the pun, "Heh, weight a little more, that's good, that's like, something I would say." Jeff is unamused and apparantly had no intention of making a silly play on words, thank you very much. Anyone else noticing how humorless and cranky Jeff seems these days? He's like, all disciplinarian/rule guy, but doesn't seem to be enjoying himself all that much. I will contnue to blame Julie until I hear of their braeak-up. C'mon, Jeff. This is supposed to be fun! :D Later, Jeff asks how everyone's feeling and Nate replies, "Feel like getting that wine and getting faded." I guess that's how the kids are talking these days, "faded" instead of buzzed or loaded or ripped or wasted or lit or what have you. Jeflicka counters his "wine tonight" with a "More like WHINING tonight." Everyone has a good laugh, though things start to get heavier and hotter and worse for those trying to keep their arms up. The editors do this thing where they show the sun, and whatnot, to demonstrate passage-of-time, yet they don't tell us how long the contest has gone on, so we're really unclear on whether we should be impressed or not. Surprisingly, it's Yul and Jonathan, iTunes big men, who falter first, while Raro's big men, Adam and Nate, wrap their arms around one another in order to gain more leverage. Cao Boi can't resist tweaking them about this, taunting, "Handsome Boys. Make Quite a Pair." Becky gnashes her teeth and rolls her eyes at the continued indignity of having to endure Cao Boi's Cao Boisms. Nate is unphased by the joke, and begins to sing "Ebony and Ivory." :) Rebecca and Stephannie fall out, then Sundra and Candice, who makes a big show of her disappointment in Sundra's being the one to crack, and Jeff points it out. Cristina starts to waver and Jeflicka tries to exacerbate her struggle by taunting her, but then she drops out, leaving Adam and Nate as the only remaining pair--who needs JP's big guns? Raro wins reward, and they get to decide whom to exile. Adam decides they should send someone who's already gone, and I'm not certain of the logic here. Keeping track of who may have the Idol? The Idol can be transferred, and sending someone who's already been is like giving someone more time to find it. Maybe they just don't want to tick any new people off, so they're just gonna keep sending the same people? Anyway, they decide to send Jonathan, which isn't a bad move since he's one of their stronger members. Jonathan is of course, not thrilled.

CRISTINA COOKS UP SOME TROUBLE

The next morning, Nate and Brad awaken and Nate comments on how well he slept, due to the wine. They must have had one heck of a mellow party because CBS didn't show us any of it and they looooove to show us Survivors getting plastered...er, faded. Then Dumb Adam saunters up and shouts, "Hey guys, I got a octopus stuck to my foot!" ANd no, I did not forget the "n" on "an", Adam did. The rather large octopus his wrapped all around his foot and ankle, but Nate is eventually able to cut the thing off, and Raro rejoices at the idea of eating it. Cristina starts throwing out ideas for recipes, and then starts ordering everyone around. Jenny is especially unimpressed and annoyed at Cristina's attempts to look important by being the one who makes the meals, "It's not that hard to throw together a coconut stew," she snarks. Everyone is seen visibly chafing at Cristina's bossiness. Then, Cristina and Jenny are at the beach, washing up. Jenny is washing some plates and utensils, while Cristina is washing the octopus parts, and Jenny finishes and leaves. For some reason, Cristina doesn't notice, and you would think a police officer would be more aware of her surroundings, but anyway, she lets the tide come in and wash over the bowl of octopus, and calls for help. When Adam comes to help gather the floating pieces, Cristina is quick to blames, "I thought Jenny was here," she explains. How on Earth this is supposed to be Jenny's fault, I'll never know. At the campfire, Adam complains about Cristina's carelessness, while Jenny bristles at her finger-pointing. Rebecca cracks that it should have been Cristina washed out to sea, and Jenny dubs her "the new JP." Someone's losing the ever important popularity contest portion of Survivor!

THE ACCIDENTAL INVADERS

A crab does a little kung-fu fighting across the screen, desperate for his shot at DANCING WITH THE STARFISH. Cao Boi, Ozzy and Jeflicka decide they want to explore a neighboring island for food and supplies. Ozzy asks Candice come with and she frowns, "Ummmmm, like...does the trip include like, doing stuff? Because I don't want to like, DO stuff y'know?" She confides to us, "Not only do I loathe working, but like, I know those guys are gonna be all, "Like, join our alliance, Candice, because you're sooo cool and sooo pretty," and I'll have to be all "Like, uh, thanks but no thanks, like, DUH, I'm already in an alliance, hell-OH, remember how you guys wanted Becky gone and she's like, totally still here? But that would get all awkward and stuff so, I'm just gonna take a nap." Sundra also takes a pass on the journey, and tells us that she knows the trio wants to enlist her in THEIR outsider army, and she's not interested. Yul quickly pulls her into conference with his so-far-no-evil alliance (sans exiled Jonathan Livingston Booby)because they need a fifth, and even though Cao Boi and Jeflicka voted with them the last time, they're too wacky and prone to thinking for themselves to be counted upon. Yul says Sundra's ideal because she's "alone out here," meaning she's the only member of Hiki on the tribe, and, more importantly, she's seemingly unmanipulative. Sundra doesn't mind at all being prodded to join THIS alliance, and signs on immediately. She wants to include Ozzy, but Yul shoots that down, admitting that he just doesn't trust Ozzy. See? Did I or did I not predict a few weeks ago that Yul would come though for me and recognize Ozzy's creepiness? :)

Meanwhile, the three outsiders of iTunes paddle out to the nearby other island, and Ozzy is immediately thrilled to find a plant that can be used as an antiseptic (Nonee, or something like that). "Who knows what else we'll find out here," he exclaims, and just like that they stumble into Raro's campground! They're on Raro! The Raro gang is rather stunned, greeting Ozzy, Cao Boi and Jeflicka with nervous smiles as Cao Boi beams, "How ya doin? We're exploring!" Stephannie is all, "...the hell? Why is this tribe coming our way?" Rebecca then mutters, "Yeah, and it's the three that we can't stand." This season's such a kick so far :) Cao Boi continues to tweak Raro, asking if they're gonna be welcomed, and the unhappy campers put on their polite masks and greet their uninvited guests. Adam simmers with annoyance, as the visitors pick thru their belongings, like Yoda rooting around in Luke's camp in "The Empire Strikes Back." And seriously...is Jeflicka wearing green, thigh-high leg warmers? What's up with that? Then Cao Boi launches into what Parvati describes as a dissertation on "Chinese symbology," which would make a great name for your rock band, but isn't what Cao Boi was talking about because...he's not Chinese. Parvati, seriously, that's why there's "Asian," so white people don't have to feel bad about guessing wrong. Cao Boi drones on and on about the dog and the horse and the turtle and the dragon, as CBS give sus more "passage of time" sun-shots, though I don't know if we can trust them. Cao Boi then suggest that Raro could have half of the coconuts that the he and his fellow island-crashers find on their expedition, and Adam stands up to him, and tells him it's their island and iTunes isn't entitled to any of their coconuts. Then Cao Boi tries to wheedle some of the spices they won the other day and Adam reminds him, "We worked hard for those spices." The rest of Raro is grateful for Adam's willingness to put his foot down, since they were all to afraid of being rude, I guess. But there's a reason each tribe gets its own space, and in previous seasons, winning tribes in challenges have gotten to raid the other camp and it's always very upsetting. And Raro didn't lose, they won the last challenge, and they shouldn't have to put up with these jokers (though it did make for some mighty tasty TV, don't get me wrong). The three finally catch on to the fact that they're not wanted, and amscray back home...where, sadly, they're also not wanted.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

We got a brief update on Jonathan, who's dug up half the beach in his futile attempt to find the Idol, which is actually in Yul's pants, if I'm not mistaken. "It's been found, or I'm a moron, and obviously no one as clever and witty as I am could be a moron, so someone's already got that idol!" he gripes. Later, Jonathan is returned to his tribe at the Immunity Challenge, and Jeff asks him if he thinks he at least knows where it should be and Jonathan makes Yul ALMOST has a visible emotional reaction when he replies, "I think I know where it WAS, but it ain't there now." I think he meant this to sound more ambiguous than it came out. It came out, at least to my ears, like he did NOT find it because he was already gone, but reading it, I can see where he was maybe saying it wasn't there now, baby, because HE had it, maybe. Anyway, the challenge is really cool so let's get to it. First, the tribes have to assemble these stepping stools--long metal poles with a round disk on top. Then they get in the water, and two people from each tribe must more from one pole to the other while the rest of the tribe keeps the pole steady and maneuvers the next one into position so they can stay on top of the stools because if they fall off, they must start over. I think it's a good indication of how good this season is, that I wasn't really rooting for one tribe over the other, which is rare. Also, I've never looked at Survivor as being flawed for being as white as it usually is, but it really is looking like America right now, and if they go back to 90% white Survivor, it'll be a little sad. Okay, anyway, Jenny is first to cross over on the step-stools for Raro, keeping her small body low to the ground. Jeflicka adopts a different strategy, standing tall and balancing (rather remarkably) atop the pole. It's HELLA HARD to do and very fun to watch. Jenny is first across, and so Jeff says, "Jeflicka, close enough to jump," and Jeflicka shakes her head in fear, needing to use one more stool. And I don't know what angle Jeff had on it, but watching it on TV and pausing it, you could see that Jeff was just totally high when he said this, because she was still 5 or 6 feet from the second platform, and could have been hurt had she attempted a leap from the really shaky stepping stool she was teetering on. She gets off soon enough, and Parvati and Becky are next up, both emulating Jenny's low-center-of-gravity style. It's very close as the teams make it atop the first platform and then jump off to swim towards a tower with a small platform on top. They must swim out, climb up, and get all eight of their tribe members on top of the little platform with no body parts touching below a certain level. It's really, really cool and hard and involves major team work. Oh, and no one had trouble with the swimming this season. Raro loses its lead as they struggle to get everyone positioned properly. At one point, Cao Boi falls off the platform and then most of the rest of iTunes does, but they recover, and eventually get their act together before Raro--iTunes wins Immunity!

MASHED POTATOES AND GRAVY

Everyone's frustrated at Raro. It was a tough loss because it was so close. At first, it seems clear that Cristina is doomed. Everyone seems to be in agreement that she's annoying and talks a bigger game than she brings to the playing field. Then a Giant Millipede of Horrible horribleness appears to symbolize that not being the case. Or something, yuck, giant millipedes! No mas! Nate goes to the well with Steph to make sure she's onboard with dumping Cristina. Steph seems to agree, knowing it's either gonna be herself or the LAPD officer, but then she says, "I can see myself going home, getting some mashed potatoes and gravy," and she sounds chipper, but it's unclear whether she merely means that she could see the vote turning against her since she almost went home last time, or if she's saying that she really WANTS to be out of the game, eating real food. She does make certain he hears her when he doesn't quite catch it the first time. Nate goes to the boys and tells them that Steph was hinting that she's ready to go, and they seem to be onboard with ousting her instead. Brad tries to convince Parvati to go after Steph, but Steph wants to hear the story straight from Steph, and winds up giving Steph a heads up about how Nate interpreted her comment. This was a good Parvati day, by the way--our very first one. She showed good character and saavy by bothering to get both sides instead of just going along with Nate. Steph laughs off the idea that she was asking to go home, insisting she was just funning with Nate, but then she insists that she's not going to go to Nate and tell him that, "I'm not gonna beg anyone." Uh...okay, nobody's asking you to, but in Survivor, you've gotta make sure you're understood correctly, and if Steph REALLY doesn't want to go home, all she'd have to do is say that, and just that, to Nate. I think she's just to proud to admit she wants to quit. At camp, Parvati, Rebecca and Adam struggle with the decision before them. Adam feels that Steph is dead weight, but Rebecca counters, "Cristina annoys the HELL out of me," and Adam agrees, "Everything she does!" Then Adam relates the mashed potato story, and Parvati offers up what Steph told her, that she was taken out of context. "I'm voting my conscience," she declares. Rebecca has a pensive look on her face, wondering "What's gonna happen tonight?" Adam has a confused look on his face, wondering, "What's 'conscience' mean?"

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff starts out bluntly, "This tribe isn't doing so well." Dumb Adam strikes back, "Our communication is improving--we've been talking about...I mean TO each other all day. We'll be alright, don't you worry about us!" You GO, Dumb Adam. Don't let grumpy Jeff bully you around. Brad and Steph both claim to be equally close to everyone on the tribe. Steph says, "When I'm needed I'm there, and when I'm not needed, I'm not there. Just that simple." Jeff moves on to the Cristina issue. He uses sarcastic quote fingers when he talks of JP's being ousted for being "bossy," and wonders if anyone's put on the bossy-pants now that JP's not around. Nate charges that Cristina can be "overpowering," and adds, "Being told what to do rubs people the wrong way." Jeff, ever weary of cagey Tribal Council cop-outs, is thrilled with Nate's "brutal honesty." Cristina, on the other hand, is stunned, doing a full-on Alfred E. Newman, "Who, Me!?" She claims not to have realized that she was being so domineering, and promises to change her ways, AND claims to be grateful for the reality check--we'll just see about that. Adam chirps in that he assumed Cristina had to know she was being a royal pain, and when Cristina continues to insist she had no idea she was being so offending, Jenny's eyes roll out of her head and over towards Jeff, who refuses to return them. Jeff reminds everyone that the Hidden Immunity Idol could come in to play and Adam frowns, "Oh yeah, I wonder if I found the Idol when I was on the Exile Island! I'll have to ask Nate or Parvati about that, they're SMART." The vote turns out to be a 7-1 landslide against Steph, who clearly was no longer "needed," because she's not "there" anymore. Cristina is granted a reprieve, but I wonder if she can really rise above the outsider status she's created for herself. In her exit, Steph seems to admit she's ready to go, saying that she wishes she could have lasted longer, but her mind wasn't completely in the game. She's a good person, but she was clearly done, and so her time with us is over.

Stephannie finishes in 16th, or what is often called LAST place in your normal 16 person season. In season one, Sonya and her ukelele were sent packing early, due to her age, while much younger Deb was sent home first in the Outback because she was *drumroll*, too bossy. Weird, lying Diane stole those beans with Clarence, and lacked his muscles, so she got an early dismissal from Africa. In the Marquesas, Peter chose the wrong time (is there a right time?) to boast about his mastery of all his, er....Orifices. In Thailand, preacherman John got booted for being, yes, it happens ALL the time in this game, too bossy. In the Amazon, young, self-proclaimed good-looking dude Ryan found himself a weak link on an all-male tribe that wasn't gonna appreciated his mad flirting skills, and in the Pearl Islands we lost one of those unmemorable people, Nicole. I remember that she made an ill-advised attempt at mobilizing against Tijuana and it didn't pan out. In Vanuatu, J.P. (yes, we've actually had two JP's on this show) was kind of a stiff younger guy whose all-male tribe was being young by the "older, fatter dudes." In Palau Jeff claimed to hurt his ankle so he could punk out early and go to the hotel--you're still not fooling us, Jeff! In Guatemala, stuck-up Brianna was punished by Steph and company for not knowing what a pick was, and last season, lumberjill Tina was ousted for being a loner, even though she was the only one on her four-person all-girl tribe who knew what the hell she was doing. It was a pivotal moment in the game though, because Cirie almost went home instead, but she wound up making it all the way to the Final Four.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Stephannie served in the US military during Operation Desert Storm. She lists "The Sound of Music", "The Shawshank Redemption", and "It's a Wonderful Life" as her all-time favorite movies, three movies that would be on my top ten too, so movie night at Stephannie's! :)

NEXT WEEK: Well, they told us up front that it's a double eviction, and it seems unlikely that Cristina will find a way to recover socially, even if she does stop being such a drag. The whole "Cao Boi's crazy!" thing looks like it's gonna heat up, but I suspect the tribe will boot Jeflicka first. At any rate I'm looking forward to it. This is a really fun season--someone should really tell Jeff that. :)

Peace Out!

Christine :D