Survivor 6.11 Gah!

Freaking Frak!!!!! I'm not sure if I'll ever forgive Christy for letting those bitches get the best of her. But I'm getting ahead of myself, like always---oh, and LIKE CHRISTY! >:o

It started off so well! The Survivors return after the vote to find the fire blown out at John le Carré. The boys work to relight it while Jenna and Heidi glare. They are ticked off and scared or as Jenna puts it, "I was like, more betrayed than I have ever been in my entire life!" Well, proof right there that Jenna's never had a real job. She goes on, "he betrayed the alliance of young people who aren't deaf and aren't Matt, okay?! We hate him and we'll like, NEVER forgive him. I can't believe people would like, sacrifice personal relationships to get ahead!" Uh...has she ever watched this show?
Rob pleads his case, claiming that Alex had been dishonest with him (when in fact he had been a little *too* honest). Then Matt flexes his tribal muscles by patronizing the girls a little, "I as well thoroughly enjoyed master Alex's company but truly I declare that I too felt that he told mistruths to both myself and Mr. Machete. I'd don't harbor any ill will towards either of you ladies, but I will not forget that you etched my name on the cards tonight. And Mr. Machete doesn't belief in forgiveness, as a general rule. But this shan't affect the way we interrelate camp, m'kay?" Heidi claims she and Jenna didn't respond to any of this because, "I was afeared we might use cuss words, mmm hmmmm." But she was really just gonna cry like a big 'ol baby, which is what she does that night, wailing about how Butch wouldn't even be here if not for her...yeah, I don't know what that's all about either. Rob tells them that this is the stage in the game where you have to reconsider what you're willing to do to win and Sling Heidi snaps, "Ah won' turn my back on the people I love, mmmm hmmmm!" Heidi and Jenna must lead pretty empty lives back in the world for these reality show relationships to mean so much. Rob gloats, "They were in the majority and now they aren't--and they're gonna have to work really hard and kiss some major ass in order to stay!" I WISH!!! >:0

The next morning, everyone except the Panty Princesses work to fix the apparently poorly constructed shelter (we hadn't heard anything until now). Matt suggests building another fire shelter structure except for people and their belongings--I don't know what that means, exactly, I'm just repeating what he said. I guess maybe it's a simpler design. Matt bosses everyone around while Heidi lobbies Christy to join the girls, "Gee...it'd suck for you to get voted out 4th, mmm hmmm. We gals gotta stick together, mmm hmmm." Remember, Heidi turned on THAT concept, and by extension Christy, back when she joined Roger, Dave and Butch in ousting Jeanne. Which she doesn't remember or selfishly doesn't consider betrayal when she claims, "Mmmm, I never lied tuh you, Christy mmmm mmmm. Mainly cuz I never much talked tuh you, mmmm hmmmm. We should join up agin' the menfolk." Jenna can't bring herself to talk to Christy, even to save her own skin, "I can't believe I've been reduced to listening to Heidi try to talk to the deaf girl!" Christy tells Heidi she'll think about the girl thing. Later, Rob informs Christy that the Princesses are aghast at the idea that she might last longer than they will, which delights her. She reveals to us, however that she is considering teaming up with the girls--whom she despises, because she can "go further" in the game with them. "So I want to win a million dollars? Or do I want to be the kick-ass girl who went father than any of the other girls," she ponders. Um...you want to get that hateful bitch Jenna out of the game AT ALL COSTS, right? Right?! I felt twinges of fear and dread but I suppressed them. Christy wouldn't really turn on the boys, who she claims she trusts more and likes better as they show Butch, Christy, Matt and Rob spitting in their hands and shaking on their alliance...right? RIGHT, I assured myself. They're just making it interesting...

Reward Limerick

If you want to talk to your kin
then you sure better hope that you win
that's really a lie
but to make sure you try
we're making it seem like we're truthin'

The reward is a date with a loved one and the challengers have to dig up four paddles to row with--so the two that don't find them are out already. Butch comforts fragile fellow loser Heidi--Butch is just such a nice man!--while the other four get on boats to race out to a buoy where they must answer a question. If they get it right, they'll return with a bag full of puzzle pieces. Matt is the only one who can manage the boat. Rob flounders but manages to get back in, while Jenna and Christy swim for it. Matt wins rather easily, though Rob does make it to shore with the puzzle. Matt's such a creep--doesn't he know Jenna's mom has cancer!? Heidi seems sincere when she tells Matt she's happy for him, Jenna, echoing the sentiment, not so much. Then Jeff offers Matt the chance to give up his chance to see his mother if he allows everyone to see theirs, and Heidi implores Matt not to it, but he does and we see Butch's wife, Christy's boyfriend, Rob's mom, Heidi's mom and Jenna's dad. They get 15 minutes to chug wine, eat food, and chat with their special someone. Christy assures her boyfriend she's in the Final Four, while Rob tells him mom he's been a stinker and she's not surprised. Matt relates, "It was truly touching to watch the humans interact...I felt like God, for a moment, for it was I that caused it to happen." Yeah, Matt? Still crazy after all these episodes. The whole thing of course, was a big mind game and Matt is sent off on a canoe with his mother. He tells us, "It...how do you mortals say...it "sucked" to express emotion, I prefer not to do that." You'd think that tears would make Matt short-circuit or something.

Now, in years past, we've spend a great deal of time on this reward--we see the crying and we hear the strategizing and we get a glimpse into the Survivor's life that redefines them a little bit. Think Krazy Kath with her son. Matt and his mom must have been pretty damned boring because we see almost none of their feast. We get a smidgen of Matt's dull exposition, "Mother and I admired the buffet..." and we learn that Matt's mother likes to talk to him when he isn't there, proving the apple indeed doesn't fall far from the tree. When she chastised Matt for being too "formal," I wondered if his so-called "mother" is really just the mad scientist who fashioned him from wire and leather. A native tribe dances for them. Back at camp, everyone gets blasted on wine, especially Butch who now joins Heidi in needing to prostrate themselves before the school board thanks to their televised antics. He gets very effusive, then very incontinent. Rob sings "We've got Tonight," and unwisely chooses to sing the instrumental parts as well as the lyrics--Butch puking was easier to watch.

The next morning, Rob decides he may have to change his game plan. He has been trying to go in with crazy-cyborg Sir Matt "because he's a spaz" but now, thanks to Matt's grand gesture at the Reward Challenge, Rob might be the lesser of two weirdoes. Rob insists, "Matt's not the Patron Saint of Reward Challenges, we ALL would have done the same thing!" Uh, have you MET Jenna? She would have rode the "my mom has a brain tumor" boat all the way up the river without a backwards glance, sucker. Anyway, Rob makes his first major misstep of the game when he decides to inform Jenna of his mental decision to try to go in to the Final Two with HER, because she's the only one more odious to the others than he is. This is stupid for several reasons. One, Jenna lacks the discernment to recognize the truth of his words--she does not think she's loathsome, she thinks the others are jealous of her. Two, she's still angry at him for turning on Alex and isn't receptive to hearing talk of their being allies and third, and most importantly, Heidi is still in the game so Jenna doesn't feel desperate to reconsider her position. But Rob blabbers to her anyway, and Jenna tells him she could go back and tell everyone what he just said. He uses a Jedi mind trick and tells her he only said he had the best chance of winning if she were next to him in the Final Two, nothing more. She tells us, "I can't believe I used to hang out with that nerd--I'd be totally embarrassed to like, be seen with that slimeball. I have morals, okay?" So of course she tells Heidi everything and Heidi confronts Rob, "Our morals are different, okay?" Rob is getting tired of being called immoral by the skanky stripping ho's and reminds her that this is a game. Heidi begins to argue about how much she's done to further the cause of others who remain in the game but then she gets all weepy. Rob chases after her but Heidi returns to camp and off come the gloves. Jenna rails at Rob for making Heidi cry, which is apparently unacceptable. Jenna and Heidi have a sort of "Heavenly Creatures" vibe going on, if you ask me. If I were Rob, I'd be cozying up to Mr. Machete at night. Rob states loudly, for the benefit of the others, "Yeah, I'm voting out HEIDI tomorrow--sorry if that makes her cry," and Jenna wonders, "Have you told everyone else that you're gonna be in the Final Two with them? Or have you told them you want to finish with me because you know you can beat me!?" This seems to register with Sir Matt but, then again, he might listening to a conversation Mr. Machete is having with a couple of rocks. When Jenna wonders how everyone else can't see Rob for the liar he is, his response is, "Well, I fooled you, didn't I?" He maintains that he's playing the game as it was intended to be played and Christy scoffs when Heidi insists that she has never #$%&ed anyone over (and I'm sure that somewhere, Jeanne put her foot through her TV at that point) and Jenna vows, "I'm like, not gonna be nice, okay!? I'm not gonna be easy to work with and I'm gonna make your life miserable, okay?!" So...pretty much the same way you've been acting since day one, is what we're hearing. The far-more diplomatic Heidi declares that EVERYONE else is playing fairer than Rob. Lots of scenes of slithering snakes are inserted as Rob tells us that anyone would be a fool to trust his word after all he's done, but Butch and Matt still have faith in him and are united in ousting one of the Princesses tonight. Despite her deep abiding hatred of Jenna, Christy, damn her to Survivor also-ran status, is beginning to waver. Heidi tries once again to hard-sell her on a girls alliance (Jenna is STILL not deigning to talk to the deaf girl) and Christy reiterates that she can't quite bring herself to trust bitchy Jenna. To us, she says, "NOW they want to talk to me--I'm like, why not talk to me in the first 31 days!? But now they DO want to talk to me, because I have THE POWER!" They should play that "Brady Bunch" tiki music every time anyone says anything like that--as soon as she did, the dread of something bad happening overtook this viewer.

Immunity Limerick

It's time to play something like Plink-o
It's a lot harder than you might think-o
get your puck on the "x"
to assure your success
any less and your chances are stink-o

Christyloo

This time, the Survivors use slingshots to break plates with their names on them, releasing pucks which they will use to slide across a board in the attempt to get closest to an "X" as they can. Jenna gets a couple of pucks when other players mistakenly hit her plates. Jenna wears an insufferably smug smile on her face the entire time, accustomed to things going her way most of her life, and she wins immunity, Heidi looks doomed, but Christy will quickly engineer her own demise. Rob is nervous about the vote because he knows Jenna and Heidi want him gone. He goes to Christy for reassurance and she does just the opposite. She terrifies him with her wishy-washy, "I won't know who I'm gonna vote for until I have that pen in my hand. I want to hear what is said at Tribal Council, I'm still not sure that going with you boys is better for me than going with those bitches who despise me...so I dunno." Christy is now coming off like Rotu's Gabe--who proved that the last thing you want to be seen as in this game is a Wild Card, it scares people. So Rob decides to call out a pre-emptive strike and informs Heidi of his new idea. Now, remember, Christy is really only wavering because Heidi has been trying so hard to recruit her but Little Miss "I have Morals, I'd Never Ever Screw Anyone Over" takes about a nanosecond to decide to rejoin forces with Rob in order to eliminate Christy and I'd feel bad for her if it weren't so much her own damned fault. It's one thing not to make alliances, but once you do, stick with them and should you decide NOT to stick with them, don't freaking telling anyone. Sigh.

Tribal Council

The jury is let in, and Alex has somehow morphed into Kevin Richardson of the Backstreet Boys. Oh and FYI, Ladies Man Alex, Africa's Brandon looked straighter when he wore that skirt thing, I'm just saying. Heidi is positively beaming with deception and glee and Christy's imminent departure. When Jeff asks if anyone's surprised to have made it this far into the game, everyone has the good sense to answer yes, but Jenna's reasoning has nothing to do with her being a hateful wench with no survival skills whatsoever, "I'm like, really pretty? And all my life people have like, resented my for being so beautiful and other women especially have like, never liked me--I'm sure it's been the same with Heidi," Heidi shakes her head excitedly, "Tha's right, Mmmmm Hmmmmm." Um, Jenna? Other women hate you because you're a four-letter word that rhymes with something one might do to a football. There, I said it (sort of). Heidi rolls her eyes when Rob acidly responds, "I've been blessed with not being handsome, so I haven't had to bear that handicap." Everyone insists they've come to win and Jenna vows that she'll never stab anyone in the back who hasn't done it to her first (which, I hate to say, is sort of true in her case--I'm quite certain her tacit alligience with Christy came through Heidi). Then Christy falls under the spell of that tiki and THE CURSE OF POWER and raves, "I've made it this far and I'm gonna try to go the whole way--honestly I think I'm in the driver's seat as far as this vote is concerned. I hold ALL the power right now." Rob suppresses a laugh as Jeff sputters in disbelief, "Really!? Uh, have you been paying attention to anything that's happened over the last few weeks?!" Alex mutters to Deena, "Please tell me we didn't look THAT stupid right before WE got voted out?" Deena sensibly pleads the Fifth. In a further display of their disturbing enmeshment, Jenna cheerfully becomes the first person ever to give up their immunity as she puts the necklace around Heidi's bobbling head. "Strategy," Jenna sniffs. At first I thought this was merely a flagrant display of power on Jenna's part, but in retrospect, it may have been a way to assure Rob's vote--thanks to his loose lips, she's now very aware that he's counting on her going on to the Final Two, so she makes sure he HAS to vote out Christy in order to protect her and, by extension, himself. Jenna's crafty as all get-out, unfortunately. Christy goes down 4-2, with Butch playing the sucker once again. Rob didn't burn his bridge with Matt, who also knew the vote was going against Christy. She tearfully indicts the Princesses for betraying her, sparing instigator Rob from her wrath, at least for now. Is he coated in Teflon like Richard Hatch was, or will he soon pay for playing to many sides at once? I think the latter. I think Rob just gave up any power he once held and will soon be gone now that Heidi and Jenna can enlist Butch to squash Rob. Jeff reminds everyone that their behavior is only assuring them of one mightily pissed-off jury but then again, the players know that like it or not, ya gotta vote for someone. Christy's ouster is another stunning surprise in a place that isn't known for it, though it's a return to form as the "Pretty Young Thing" spot--she joins America's sweetheart Colleen, Jerri's stooge Amber and Africa's Lil' Kim as the 11th person voted out of Survivor. All were doomed weeks before they lost their last chance at immunity (although Hatch intended to keep Colleen if Kelly had lost Immunity--a move which would have been disastrous for him had Colleen then won-out). Rob "The General" and Good 'Ol Jake were also booted at this point in yawner votes. So Christy's ouster was exciting, it was just also tragic for those of us who don't like skanky ho's. What makes it all the worse is Christy DID vote to get rid of Jenna which was the plan, GAH! She just got too Gabe on Rob, who feared she was Shii-Ann and cut her off at the knees. Tonight, ANYONE could get it, and I'm leaning towards Rob--though Butch has been odd man out for SO LONG, and is the most sympathetic--they'd be wise to end his chances of being in the final 2.

Peace! Christine :)