Survivor 6.10 Don't you Forget about Rob

It's official--no previous season of "Survivor" can possibly match this one in terms of surprise twists and shifts of power and no previous season has been this satisfying: person gets inflated sense of their own importance, person becomes insufferable, person gets voted out, boom boom boom. Too bad real life doesn't afford so much instant karma.

Morning at John le Carré and Heidi laments, "Mmm, I still haven't worn muh buff as a tube top, mmmm hmmmm." "And like, that was one of your major goals when you decided to like, be on Survivor!" Jenna frets, "Dude, I tell you what--if you wear it as a tube top? I'll like, totally wear it as a skirt!" Remarkably, this exchange doesn't cause Alex to hack then up with the nearest machete. Instead he rhapsodizes, "Me, Heidi, Jenna and Rob--the young people who aren't Matt or deaf--are having BLAST! We have a majority over the others so we'll be the final four FOR SURE. I know Roger and Deena said the same thing and wound up taking a fall but I still feel supremely confident in saying nothing can stop me--NOTHING!" Rob mocks the outsiders, pretending to be displeased with the amount of hard work they've been doing--see, the joke is, Matt, Christy and Butch have been doing all the hard work. And the mean kids don't have do anything because they wield the voting power. Isn't that...er...funny? Alex, Jenna and Heidi sure think so. Alex gushes, "Dude, I knew when I signed up for this show that I'd meet some really great people--I never knew I'd meet people who would make every relationship I've had up to now seem pointless and empty!" Jenna agrees, "You guys are like, the best friends I've ever had!" Which probably isn't saying much. We also learn that Jenna's mother is very sick with cancer right now but being thousands of miles away and totally out of contact is a blessing to Jenna: "It's nice to think about my parents, but it's also REALLY great not to. It totally helps me to deal with it, OKAY!? It doesn't make me a bad daughter at all!!" If you say so, babe.

The young turkeys lay out in the sun, flaunting their power and their collective lack of character, while Butch, Matt and Christy do chores and bitch about the Cool Creep Clique. Alex shrugs, "It's a little like--and I hate to say this because it makes me sound like a total ass and I like to project an image of being the nicest, fairest, most sensitive guy on the face of the Earth--but it's a little like high school. We have the luxury of being horrible because we're popular." I'm so glad I broke up with Alex weeks ago. Sir Matt is perplexed, "I find their attitude to be even more incomprehensible than I find interpersonal relationships. Perhaps they shall be the "Final Four" as it were, yet might it behoove them to not be quite so odious? For surely, neither Butch nor Christy nor myself would dream of voting for one of them if fortune or fate provides another choice." Uh...did Matt win a clue in a Reward Challenge that wasn't televised?

REWARD LIMERICK

Here is a pouch full of money
To purchase some pasta or honey
It's really no biggie
so don't get all wiggy
or else you will look kinda funny

Just like last year, the contestants freak out over the wad of cash. Jenna's so excited you'd think there was the nearby Banana Republic's were the store kind. I mean, these people are trying to win A MILLION DOLLARS and they're pissing themselves over $500 of what is effectively monopoly money that they'll spend on food items at the Reward Auction. Alex blows most of his stash on a mystery item that turns out to be a bunch of manioc but wins steak and potatoes later. Jenna is not pleased when Matt outbids her for a cheeseburger and French fried puhtaters which Sling Heidi covets mightily--guess he didn't get the "It's all about Jenna" memo that she issues with eyes at every opportunity. When a plate of peanut butter and chocolate comes up for bid, Jenna and Heidi surprisingly keep their pants on while Jenna bids a hefty $320 on it. Leaving her almost broke when Jeff presents the change to win a letter from home. Christy, who hasn't won ANY food, bids hard and is thrilled to win. Jenna bursts into tears and Jeff gets freaked out, "The auction is supposed to be a fun thing--even with all the mind games built into it!" With Christy's permission, he puts up another letter for Jenna to bid on and even though it's implicitly stated that this is Jenna's letter, Heidi drives up the bid to torment her bestest friend--no one else was bidding so Jenna wins. Christy is happy for Jenna because Christy isn't evil. But back at camp, Jenna can't just be happy that Jeff bent the rules of the game and screwed over Christy who bankrupted herself on what she believed was the only chance at a letter while Jenna was gifted one out of pity. She can't just content herself to read her mom's letter and bask in the love of her family and her own good fortune! No, she has to complain, "I was surprised that Christy stole my letter from me--but then again, not really. I know she's handicapped and everything but, helloooo, my mother has, like brain cancer?" Okay, first of all, Jenna, it's quite possible that Christy doesn't even know your mother is sick because you never talk to Christy because deaf people freak you out and second of all every one else has just as much right to want to hear from their loved ones and third of all I'm quite certain you're too self-absorbed to ever contemplate how isolated and lonely Christy must feel and I'm also quite certain you're too mean to care even if you did and fourth of all maybe if you're so worried about your mother's illness than maybe you shouldn't have picked this particular time to go on a freaking reality show so you could show off your boob job and fifth of all the fact that your mother has cancer does not excuse your loathsome behavior.

Oh yeah, and Jenna's mother's tumor has shrunk by 50% which is great--I've got nothing against the woman. The Cool Creep Clique gathers around her awkwardly, trying to prove they're the "close friends" they claim to be, but they're all clearly uncomfortable with emotions not connected to making fun of other people. It's like watching a bad skit--"Wow Jenna, I'm happy to hear your mother's tumor has shrunk." "I too am happy, Jenna." "We're all happy, Jenna." Elsewhere, Christy enjoys reading a letter from a close friend--what a bitch, doesn't she know Jenna's mother has cancer?

Blue Moon

Unlike last season's men, when Matt and Butch go fishing and plot strategy, they actually catch fish. There's something endearing to me about the way Matt is excited about catching a new type of fish they've never eaten before. They contemplate wooing Rob from the Creep Clique, but want to be cautious. Matt declares, "If we can get Rob to vote with us, we'll have a majority." "Mr. Machete can't vote," Butch reminds him. Matt frowns, "I suppose we would talk to Christy then--that must be done delicately." I think it would be super easy to conspire with Christy because you could just mouth the words, you wouldn't even have to whisper. Anyway, Rob still seems hopelessly lost to the Cool Creep Clique but one magical night, while the little Survivors sleep, Magical Moonbeams of Wisdom rain down on Rob. The next morning, while the unpopular guys go fishing and the girls sleep, Alex decides to show Rob what a great guy he is. "Rob," he starts, "Let's be honest. And let's face it, I'm an honest guy. We've always been straight with each other, right? So the way I figure it, the girls have that whole Ho Code going on, they're never gonna vote against each other so when it gets down to the Final Four and I win immunity, I'm gonna vote you out. Oh and OF COURSE, if you *snicker* were to win immunity then you could vote for me--I'm down with that, bro." Alex has awakened the sleeping strategy giant from his implant-induced stupor. He has confirmed the insecure Rob's deepest fear--that he is expected by the cooler, better-looking kids to be grateful that they LET him hang out with them, and LET him go as far as number 4. Grateful enough to cheerfully vote for Alex--his co-conspirator from Timbuktu days. Rob was in love with the idea of being one of them but he now realizes he's the nerd with the test answers for cool jock Alex--a means to an end. And Homey don't play that. Rob declares to us, "I've never stopped playing Survivor! And I'm not gonna roll over. Alex saw me coming, a fool without a friend but I won't be caught up in the promises, and then left out in the end!" I want to believe Rob, but he knows how to lie....(once again, my thanks to Mike and the Mechanics for writing "Taken In" the perfect "Survivor" song).

Immunity Limerick

Put all your thoughts in this book
We promise the others won't look
If you know the answers
you'll better your chancers
If not your goose just may be cooked

Everyone has to take part in what Rob accurately calls a "Slam Book" type of quiz. Everyone's asked to fill out a questionnaire with a bunch of questions like "Who smells the worst" "Who is in most need of therapy" and "who doesn't deserve to win." It gets Rob thinking even more and after the test is over Rob takes Matt aside and comes clean. He tells him everything--that people have been conspiring against him since the merge and that yes, Rob is one of those people. Rob reveals that Alex had the "hubris" (nice word!) to tell him that he was going to be fourth and Rob wants to take him down. He's confident that Christy will join because "She hates those girls. And I think Alex too." Eagle-eyed viewers already know that Christy voted "Alex" as the player that didn't deserve to win, so we know it's a solid plan--and really, what choice to Matt, Christy and Butch have?

Rob decides to approach Christy. He tells us, "She's a sweet person, and her boobs are real, so obviously she doesn't fit in with the other girls. I think girls like Jenna and Heidi have been mean to Christy her whole life." Girls like Jenna and Heidi have mean to ALL girls our entire lives! Jenna's the type that's mean to her own friends--the second one leaves the coffee house, she's laughing, "Can you believe what she's wearing? Whatever!" I am enjoying Rob's embracing his inner-outcast. Yes folks, that's right, I'm pro-Rob now. He's using his powers for good now, and I'm onboard. It's like Darth Vader becoming a good guy in "Return of the Jedi," it's unlikely but you gotta roll with it and there's still a good chance Rob will die at the end...Of course, Christy is totally down with ousting Alex, who she says she could care less about, with his unfair play and his Panty Princes worship. She's a little concerned that Rob might be setting them up for a fall, however.

The Slam Book game takes place at night. Everyone must give the name they think got the majority of answers--not necessarily the way THEY themselves voted, but they way they presume most everyone did. Butch is the easy winner as "The person you'd trust with your life," the delusional Alex thought it was going to be him, uhm....okaaay. When Jenna easily wins "This person uses sex appeal as a weapon," She bats her eyelashes shrugs, "Gee, maybe on accident?" Jeff rolls his eyes, "You're not fooling anyone, Jenna." Matt's dubbed the most honest which probably reads "sucker" in the minds of the Cool Creep Clique. Jenna is voted the person who could never survive on her own, and Rob struggles to contain his hurt and anger when he sees that Heidi and Jenna have inexplicably voted for him--at the very least conveying a lack of respect for their "friend" and perhaps even revealing that they indeed feel he's being brought along. Jenna tries to hide her answer, "I don't know why I said that--personal opinion, I guess," as if that somehow makes it better. Matthew isn't surprised or hurt when he's the winner of "most in need of therapy (Christy voted for Jenna), "I'm a lunatic, what can I say? It has become the source of many a good joke around our camp, Jeffrey. The other point and laugh, don't they, Mr. Machete. Mr. Machete wants to kill them for me but I know it is in good fun. What can I say?" Something besides, "What can I say," for starters. When Heidi is the landslide winner for "person you'd most want to see pose nude," she's flattered, "Mmmm, I paid good money for this body, mmm hmmm. I'd like to be paid fer it tooo, mmm hmmmm. But Jenna's got a great rack too, I thought she's win mmmm hmmm." Jenna demurs, "No, I sooooo like, knew it was gonna be you!" Rob's contempt-laced "Awwww" puts an end to the skanky ho lovefest, and Rob wins when he correctly guesses Crazy Heidi is the player that most people have a crush on while fellow high-scorer chooses...himself. Does he know Mr. Machete didn't get a questionnaire? Or was this a plot to give Rob immunity? It's a risky move on Matt's part, but it would be smart to play into Alex's over-confidence by leaving Matt exposed--they don't have to formulate a back-up plan, they can just sit around and gloat about Matt's imminent departure...which is what they do.

The Curse of Power

Though not so arrogant (and verbose) as Deena, Alex is still the portrait of smugness as he discusses the upcoming vote with Heidi while she's bathing--I'm sure it was the only time he had available to pencil her in. "Matt is the biggest threat to me--US," he confirms, duh. The Cool Creep Clique has a mixer where they discuss getting rid of Matt and how much they really truly love each other as friends! Alex smirks, "Matt knows he's not getting past 5 or 6." Rob is intrigued, "He said that to you?" "Pretty much. He admitted he shouldn't have tried so hard to win immunity all those times and I was like, heh heh, you should've tried harder last night, sucker!" Alex is drunk on the cruelty of popularity, as is a chuckling Heidi, "Being mean is funny, mmmm hmmmm." Rob wonders if things will get ugly once it comes down to them as the final four and Jenna scoffs, "Uh, how can it get ugly when it's only pretty people left, Rob?? It's like, totally possible to win this game without hurting any of the young people who aren't Matt or deaf, okay?" Rob secretly frets that if he ousts Alex, he's assured of three votes against him should he make it to the final 2. Don't waver!

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jenna has painted a sun on Heidi's cheek, and she's painted a heart on Jenna's. Awwwww. Dave an Deena are brought in, Dave still looking much as he did during the game while Deena looks like she just strolled off a Riverside County golf course. Jeff asks them all how they're holding up physically and they're all doing okay--they've been way better fed than any other season of Survivor, thanks to the abundance of fish (and people with the gumption to catch it). When Heidi (who reminds me VERY much of Will Ferrell's impression of the late Harry Carey) goes on about how she's survived the spider bites and she'll endure blah blah bleh, Jenna's eyes shine with tears of pride. These two SERIOUSLY freak me out. Of course when Christy gives the same generic "I'm doing okay" comments that everyone else did, Jenna has to glare at her--stupid deaf girl, trying to talk! When Jeff refers to the drawing on Heidi's cheek as a star, Jenna laughs, "Uh, DUH, Jeff, it's like, the sun?" "Well, the sun is a star, Jenna." "Good one, Jeff." "No...really, it is." "Stop making fun of Jenna, mmmm hmmmm." "I'm not, it's a basic fact that---" "Stop mocking Jenna with yer fancy book-learning mmmm hmmmm." Jeff asks Butch if it's dangerous and arrogant of the girls to declare their close bond in such a blatant way, "Uh...it's childish and stupid, Jeff, but I wouldn't go so far as calling it arrogant. It's not like we don't already know they're "tight," as the kids at my school like to say." Jenna interjects, "It's totally natural for people to like, bond with certain other people who have like, the same interests and prejudices and plastic surgeries, OKAY!!?" Rob stresses the importance of knowing what's in the minds of everyone in the tribe--not just your clique. Heidi does what she always does" smile, nod, pretend you understand what the smart person said. Jeff asks Heidi, Alex and Christy if they'd be surprised to go and of course, Heidi and Alex would be and the shunned-from-day-one Christy's been ready at every single TC. Onto the vote and Rob's deciding vote goes against Alex, woooo hooooo! It's the very first week 10 vote that involved a surprise twist/power shift. All other's eliminated in this spot: Gervase, Nick (the web site assures me there was this black lawyer named Nick in Australia), Frank, Tammykins and Penny were foregone conclusions because they just didn't have the numbers. This next show should be interesting because there doesn't appear to be a power base. While I would prefer for the anti-Alex bloc to stick together and boot the hateful Jenna, Matt might still be the main target should he not win immunity. Rob also stands a good chance of going home. It will be interesting--I have no doubt of that this season!

Peace! Christine