General Hospital week ending May 9th 2003

(a) Who gave the consistently best performances this week?

Cynthia Preston, Faith just keeps making me laugh through the pain. She can deliver the most mundane dialogue in a way that makes it SOUND like a delicious punchline.

(b) Who gave the best single performance this week?

Nothing really stuck out for me this week, so I'll stick with CP--I thought she was hilarious posing as Korteney's mother on the phone to get information from the nurse.

(c) Who gave the single WORST performance this week?

Tamara Braun. She just CANNOT play more than one emotion at a time and it really hurt Monday's scene with Ric. We're supposed to believe that Carly thinks this guy raped her, but she plays it like some bad-ass action hero with no emotional involvment whatsoever, let alone the shame, rage and vulnerability we need to see to buy any of this. Then Sonny shows up and she starts getting hysterical and scared and then there's not a trace of the resolve or righteous anger that she had before because she's moved on to the next emotion. She sucks. And I hate how she's doing the pregnancy waddle and sticking out that flat stomach of hers all the time when she's only 3 months pregnant.

Honorable Mention to Maurice for hitting Ric with the pillow on the way out--it was such a lame ass ad-lib. Oooh, that...er...must not have hurt a bit, actually. His Pacino-bit is getting really stale.

(d) What was the single BEST scene this week?

As tempted as I am to say, "Zander whipping off his tank top to go swimming," I'm gonna go with Dillon sadly watching Georgie and Lucas kiss. It was really the only time all week I actually felt something besides disgust or fatigue...

(e) What was the single WORST scene this week?ICK ICK ICK, the sweaty, panting post-coital Ric and Faith, BLECH. Oh and another round of Hate Sex! Lovely! But who cares that we keep showing a woman getting verbally abused after sex after some violent foreplay--it's only the Guza/Pratt blowup doll, Faith...

Nik and Lucky both leering at sleazy Summer, and her coming onto the both of them was pretty grody as well. And who IS this guy "Lucky" that would keep boinking a woman whose deceptions are endangering his family!?!

And let's not forget the "Burn Alexis at the Stake" scene--this show, with its current regime, should NEVER ever try to pull off anything whimsical or humorous. You look at Fan February, or the Thanksgiving show or New Years Eve--almost every time they try to do something funny it falls flat ( I say almost only because I so enjoyed Brenda and Jason's wedding).

(f) Who or what surprised you the most this week?

That Tony had a scene and Brad Maule actually showed up to do it.

I was surprised that Bobbie was at the hospital when Korteney was brought in because Carly witnessed the car crash in front of the Brownstone because she was dropping off Michael to see Bobbie...right?

That TPTB actually expect us to give a shit about anything Summer says, at this point?

How much I enjoy Zander and Gia together, I think they're charming.

(g) Biggest WTF moment of the week?

The fact that Korteney and Sonny are inclined to accept Coleman's version of the facts--Korteney actually says, "Why would he lie??" Uh, money?? Why would Coleman admit to Korteney (and therefore Sonny) that he had the chance to help Carly (by making a phone call) but passed it up to watch the show? To watch her be humiliated?? Makes no sense whatsoever. Coleman saving Carly in order to curry favor with the powerful town mob boss? THAT would make sense.

I didn't buy Emily breaking things off with Zander in a public place and in front of her parents.Why was Scott flashing a badge when he went to interview Korteney?

The absolutely BIZARE decision to have Liz snip at Zander, "Turns out I've been dating a liar and a rapist!" And we fade out on a bewildered Zander (with a "Wow, she sure told ME," look) and then no follow-up scene?? No, "Gee, Liz are you alright? Anything I can do?" Nothing. I don't get it. They are friends, right? Instead we have Liz tossing off this revelation like its a snappy comeback.

Sonny telling Carly that he wouldn't allow Ric to touch their lives--why the hell should she believe him when he's already hurt her and Korteney AND tried to kill Sonny?

Faith and Ric going over all the details of their plan that they already know on the DOCKS, just so Korteney can overhear it, then Korteney dropping her medical bracelet just so it can be found--and what the hell is someone who JUST got out of the hospital and allegedly has bruised ribs doing carrying around a big sack of groceries anyway?

Summer oohing and ahhing about how "unrecognizable" Luke would be in his disguise--and then he shows up looking like his twin cousin, Bill Eckert! He looked like a younger Luke--uh, not a big deal if you're trying to hide from the Cassadines who've known you for 25 years...and where the hell WERE Lucky and Summer when Matt showed up and then got stabbed? Out on the terrace having punch and scones?

Why is Scott able to antagonize Alexis--doesn't she still have Teresa Carter's skull? I mean, I never understood how she'd make that stick either but...it did work before, I'm just saying...

Korteney can't even stay unconscious for HALF AN EPISODE after being hit by a car! She's like a freaking Terminator or Wolverine or something, its ridiculous how indestructible the little bunny is...

That we were SUPPOSED to enjoy Sonny and Jason mocking the cops as they hid all their evidence of wrongdoing.

That we were SUPPOSED to find the reconciliation of the Drab 4 not only interesting but touching.That we're NOT supposed to find Carly's obsession with Jason and Korteney getting married CREEPY and SiCK.

That we're SUPPOSED to be outraged that Ric is trying to frame Jason for a murder he didn't commit when Jason is, in fact, a murderer.

That we're SUPPOSED to think Scott is the bad guy when he calls Sonny and Carly on their hypocrisy for expecting him and the police to do a good job on their behalf, even while they continue to flout the law at every turn.

(h) Line of the week, if there was one?

Scott to Sonny about Jason: "...that blue-eyed boyfriend of yours," and then later "You and your girlfriend [Jason] are free to go!"

(i) Got any shallow thoughts to share?

Those were some ugly-ass pants Lucky was wearing.

Okay, if we have to have a scene in that weird ass Love Nest of Journey's then I want to see my chessboard, and/or by Giant Dominoes. I was mightly pissed to see neither.

I'm going to start calling JOURNEY "Bug." Boring+Smug=Bug

Oh and here's why LiRic, as a couple, works: They have REAL FREAKING OBSTACLES to overcome. He's a creep. She's not interested in dating a creep--but she's seen the part of him that isn't a creep. He'd like to be worthy of her, but he's still hung up on revenge. Meanwhile, with BUG, you've got to keep shoving Korteney down a well or in front of a snowplow every couple days in order to manufacture the stakes and drama that just isn't there. They COULD be there: he's a killer, she could--radical concept--be opposed and freaked out by murder, as a rule. But he'll never leave the mob for her (an insult to her) and she'll never condemn him for doing his ghastly job--also an insult to a character that once demanded AJ return something he stole from his family--THAT was wrong. Murder? Not so much...SO we're left with BUG.

Could we have one Sonny and Carly scene that doesn't involve him nagging her to eat better??

This is how biased I am. Tuesday, I was FREAKING OUT ANGRY as Carly and Courtney ate those cookies! They kept tearing off pieces as they talked and I was like, "WHO THE HELL EATS COOKIES LIKE THAT," and then I reminded myself, "Uh, lots of people--those are some HUGE ASS cookies." They really CAN'T do anything right by me, at this point.

Random Question: When was the last time we had a character on the show who worked for the "Port Charles Herald"? Am I crazy or was it REALLY Jackie Templeton (Demi Moore) 20 years ago?

I think its kinda funny that GH is meeting its "diversity" quota by having Kyle's sleazy pack incude an Asian guy and a black guy: Equal Opportunity Slimeballs

As shallow as it GETS: dreamy black-shirt Zander saved the week for me--I just love that guy But as much as I like seeing him shirtless, the whole "girl tends her guy's wounds" scene is getting pretty played on this excessively wounding show...

Peace! Christine