General Hospital Week ending May 16th...

(a) Who gave the consistently best performances this week?

Robyn Richards has been an anchor in making this sleazy webcam story work. She comes of like a real kid with hair-trigger emotions and the need to appear strong and independant even when she really could use some help. She was heartbreaking this week, when she was gleefully calling Kyle her boyfriend while we knew he was a creep, then when she lashed out at Kyle and Georgie when she felt like like a fool. And would any of us give a crap about this story if it was NuMaxie? I think not.

(b) Who gave the best single performance this week?

Rebecca Herbst at the hospital, her scenes with Tamara were great--she didn't overplay her indignation at Carly, she played the hurt and fear and that was the wise choice. I also thought she played the baby reveal with Ric well--it's a typically stupid device to have her assume Ric knows but Becky played it right--she's at her wit's end, she's scared, she's not thinking straight and she jumps to the wrong conclusion--and then she gave a great, dawning, "oh shit" look when she realized SHE just told him. Good stuff. Do the CFF's and Journey-pimpers who praise the great Bob his trusty lapdog Liz Korte REALIZE that while giving most of the airtime to their faves, they are giving all the meaty, interesting Emmy-reel type scenes to EVERYONE ELSE?

(c) Who gave the single WORST performance this week?

Natalia Livingston when Emily broke up with Zander--her overwrought passion was all wrong for the dialogue. She should have been cold and blase and remote but as she played it, it was obvious that Emily did indeed still care about Z. They really really need to stop screwing around in the booth and pay attention to their actors who DESPERATELY NEED DIRECTION. I thought NL was nice--and subdued--when giving "Dobson" the low-down on her family.Honorable Mention to Greg Vaughan on Friday for not coming anywhere close to his dialogue. If you're only gonna memorize half your lines, stick to the subject and predicate and ignore the "because's." I mean, Maurice can't be bothered to learn his lines either but at least he usually knows what the scene is about.

(d) What was the single BEST scene this week?

A very little scene I loved was when Alan, Monica and Emily came home and the rest of the family was in the living room having a loud discussion about Reginald etc. and they all casually, automatically eavesdrpped. All three of them played it like "standard operating procedure," you walk into the Q mansion, you eavesdrop to find out what's going on. It was such a perfect little moment. Actually, as punitive as this Dobson story feels in regards to Nancy Grahn, the Quartermaine stuff has been really delightful--especially "Dobson's" interaction with them.

(e) What was the single WORST scene this week?

Tuesday when Carly was needling Jason about marraige and Sonny was taking poor, put-upon Jason's side and it was all being played like "My Big Fat Mob Life," the very unfunny sitcom, gag me. It was just so, "Oh, aren't they so cute when they aren't ruining people's lives!"

(f) Who or what surprised you the most this week?Alicia Leigh Willis was not smug and therefore quite winning in her scenes with Dylan Cash and Rosie (yay, Rosie!). I think she just tries too hard most of the time. Wow, though not all were mentioned by name, we had references to Ned's daughter, Brooke Lynn, his father, Lord Larry Ashton, and Dillon's father and stepmother, Paul Hornsby and Jenny Eckert. Not bad for a show that despises its own history as much as GH does these days.

(g) Biggest WTF moment of the week?

Why hasn't ANYONE mentioned whether Maxie and Kyle used protection? We didn't even have a box of condoms in the background. Even if we give GH the benefit of the doubt and assume she's still on the pill from when she was going to seduce Lucky, shouldn't Maxie still be worried about catching something considering Kyle TOLD her he sleeps around? And can't Mac have SOMETHING to say about HIV considering his neice was infected when she was a teenager?? It's pretty irresponsible to aim this storyline at teens and not even write a throwaway, "Of course we used a condom--I'm not stupid!" line for Maxie.Why aren't they playing the fact that Maxie SHOULD have a rather large scar on her chest from her heart transplant? It would be such an effective motivater in explaining her desperation to lose her virginity to Kyle--her desperation to feel loved and accepted and validated for her physical beauty, something she might have a lot of angst about. Why does Ric have to be SO stupid? He doesn't even lock his door? Seriously, they could have even made Korteney the hero and made it more bearable by having her find the tire iron instead of having Ric take it out of its secret hiding place and wave it around just in time for Jason to show up and take it from him (off camera, no less). A friend of mine, who's a Liz/Ric fan and watches on SoapNet told me she was gonna quit over the Ric/Korteney thing and I was like, "Uh, dude, it's already over," And she was like, "WHAT!? I mean, good, but WHAT!?" Guza just doesn't know what he's doing and I'll echo everyone else--this would have been much better STORY--that's s-t-o (are you writing this down, Bob) r-y-- had Korteney NOT confided in Jason, and this go on for months, with Jason in REAL danger of going to prison and Korteney determined to save him on her own, even at the cost of her relationship with him and Sonny and Carly--but that would mean, gasp, she doesn't trust the Borg in ALL THINGS and in every way and we can't have THAT! Or anything remotely resembling conflict or drama in their orbit! But, all that aside, would the tire iron hold up in court? See, there's this thing called the chain of evidence, and a lawyer should know that keeping an alleged murder weapon in your entertainment center for a couple of weeks might just make it inadmissable. Then again, this is Port Charles.

Skye being so touched and surprised that Ned would be on her side. As usual, Guza and Co. haven't bothered to do the work--to have a long-standing animosity or rivalry exist between these two characters so that their coming together now would be satisfying or compelling. As it is, we have Skye reminding the audience that they haven't exactly gotten along in the past WHILE they move closer together. And I keep shrugging indifferently.

DEGRADATION WATCH:Faith is suddenly obsessed and pathetic and desperate about Ric. Maxie loses her virginity and the act is broadcast over the internet--she blames herself. Korteney is threatened with a forced marriage and the spectre of her having to have sex against her wishes is raised--how tittilating. Alexis is dressing like a man and being hit on by another woman--this is the price she has to pay for being...stubborn? And her seperation from her child is supposed to be funny and is faciliated by other women. Liz loses all respect as soon as she hears Ric's bought a ring and throws herself at a man she despised an hour before, Carly lets her husband bribe her with a purty dress so she'll shut up already, Skye is running all over town begging for sperm and being teased about it by her future love interest and ah, let's not forget Summer who was almost raped this week but, it doesn't really matter because she's a hooker and besides, the whole point of the scene isn't what might have happened to her but the fact that Lucky came to her rescue--he believes in her, yeah, that's what's important--the guy's point of view, always. Have I left anyone out? Oh, and in true Guza fashion, where codependent enabling is the highest, truest expression of love, Kyle has nothing but praise for "strong" Maxie--who's the only girl at school who can "handle" him. I smell super-couple!

Lucky holding his gun at an angle to "look cool," hey LAME ASS, the metal thing on top helps you aim and this isn't a John Woo movie

Nik and Lucky hiding in the bushes and watching Summer as they try to find Curly's Gold or whatever the hell--this story blows. Carly as anti-abortion advocate: When she said, "Look, I'm not one to give advice..." I screamed, "Then WHY THE HELL ARE YOU!?" Bobbie would have been a much more logical choice--she counseled and supported Liz during her rape crisis and gave up the only child she was ever able to carry--something she still regrets. I HATE Carly but know her character well enough to know that Carly would have left the decision up to Liz and not gotten in her business. And she sure as hell wouldn't have glibbly told Sonny, "You're gonna have a nephew!" when she KNOWS Liz might be aborting it that very night!! And this happens ONLY so that Sonny can jump to the wrong conclusion about Jason and Korteney's "situation." Just horrible, horrible writing.

Liz shrugging off the strange duffel bag in her apartment because it was empty--uh, sweetie and rape-survivor Liz, er, doesn't that still probably mean that someone was in your loft and shouldn't that concern you!?And the whole snake thing is an elaborate way to get Liz in the hospital so she can have her blood tested for the pregnancy reveal...seems there's some less-violent ways to accomplish that, but, whatever!

I hate how they can even make references to the fact that Jason loved Michael as though he was his son and then Carly took him away from him--which is what Robin ALWAYS maintained would happen--and yet they never play his anger and sense of betrayal. That's what I hate about the Jason/Carly friendship--if he can't forgive Robin for "costing him Michael" which she DIDN'T, how can he forgive Carly, who DID? When Korteney gushed, "I'd love to see you with a baby," I just about gagged. Ugh, two years of Mikey hell was enough for me, thanks. Surprise within a WTF; at least Carly said the words, "I trashed your life."

Sonny comes off like such a weenie when he tries to get the cops and the DA to fight his battles for him. In the first place, why would they help you, Sonny, when you continually mock and badmouth them and in the second place--what the hell kind of mobster runs to the police for justice?

Murderer and beat-down artist Jason talking about "promising before God" he'll be faithful. Hey Jase, read your Bible! God would like you to stop killing people and stealing from them for a living! No...really! Hurting people is wrong!

(h) Line of the week, if there was one?

Liz to Korteney: "Isn't that a little sick? Marrying...what would you call it, your half-brother's half-brother? But then, you did jump from your husband to his brother without a divorce in-between."

(i) Got any shallow thoughts to share?

Was that flower arrangment Liz got at Kelly's REALLY from Ric or was it from LIASON fans?

Jax looked unattractively sweaty on Weds.

That snake thing could have been lame but that shot of it rearing up and hissing and then striking was pretty cool, i thought.

I always love when Liz hits Korteney

Sonny seems like such a low-class lame-ass when Mo chooses to snap and chew gum.

Just me or is Ned using Kristina as a chick-magnet, "She's pretty irresistable, isn't she? Kinda like her dad, heh heh." And watch out Skye--last time Ned married a pseudo-cousin, she wound up dead.

Why do the Quartermaines use that HUGE baby buggy in the house?

Emily's room is so sterile and grandmotherly guest room--did they throw out all her stuff when she went to Stanford?

I still think Carly would have so much more interesting interaction with the rest of the canvas is she was still a physical therapist.I'm disturbed by Faith's "bobblehead" references in regards to Liz--am I wrong, or does that mean the WRITING STAFF is making fun of Rebecca Herbst's appearance? Or is it Cynthia Preston ad-libbing? I just think it crosses a line into what is called "actor-bashing" on certain more thin-skinned Boards...

Ric has a strange bit of artwork hanging in his apartment that looks like a relief map of California and Nevada with some sort of Egyptian goddess carved in it? Or am I just crazy.

Is "Dobson" a Santa Barbara reference?

I love that Big Alice is getting more to do--shame she's getting more lines than AJ though.

Backwards Maxie using sex to get a prom invite--huh, at my high school, girls put-out AFTER the prom...I'm just saying.

Peace, Chrisitne