Survivor 6.2 The girls are all wet

I know I've gone on and on in my various reviews about how I could never be a contestant on SURVIVOR, I couldn't deal with the bugs, the elements, the politics, the humiliation blah blah blah, but seriously, if I was being rained on 22 hours a day and having giant spiders crawl on me at night, I would devote all my energies to putting a roof over my head and a floor underneath my body! I am by no means a mechanical person--my last successful construction project was probably in the fourth grade when I made the obligatory sugar-cube Spanish Mission (undoubtedly with help from my Mom). Regardless, I don't think it takes Frank Lloyd Wright--or even Joe Millionaire--to keep cutting down branches and palm fronds until you've got enough to cover your damn head. Small uneducated children have built treehouses in less time and with fewer resources. What on earth is taking them so danged long??

Well, to hear them tell it, keeping the fire going and getting food and water is ever so taxing and much more of a priority, so they're all doing that. Kinda. Deena suggests that one person watch the fire and fetch water whilst the other work on the shelter--and no one jumps to be this person even though it sounds to me like the cushy job in camp. Shawna laments, "We are not Surviving. It reminds me of that episode of the "Brady Bunch" where the girls try to prove they can build a clubhouse as good as the boys but Cindy almost gets crushed by one of the walls falling in because they suck? That used to totally offend me but now I see the truth in it. I'm sure the guys had their stuff together way before we did."

Elsewhere, the boys are indeed thriving. They've figured out how to turn the manioc (a tapioca relative, my dictionary informs me) into little hotcakes, which Hard Core Dave raves are, "Filling and average tasting." Oh that Dave and his hyperbole. He's most proud of their tribe for maintaining a schedule. *shrug* They go fishing as a tribe--probably because there's nothing left to accomplish in camp anymore, and while its unclear if they catch anything, they all seem to be bonding and working well together. A storm moves in and they scuttle back to relative comfort of their protective shelter where Dave muses, "It would sure suck to be outside right now!" *SIGH* Of course the jumbled gals of Jabaru are just that: outside, unprotected and SOAKED. They HAVE managed to built a teepee like structure to protect the precious fire--which, you may have heard, represents fire on the island.

Reward Limerick:

The girls are most thoroughly soaked
Their shelter is so far a joke
But nevertheless
When put to the test
The boys are the ones who will choke

It's Ye Olde Blindfolded People get Yelled Instructions challenge, and it comes down to Joanna being able to multi-task and get all three of her tied-together duos working at the same time. Actually, no, it comes down to Joanna being able to remember her tribe mates names, unlike Butch, who can't. The women gather wooden planks and turn it into the desired form way before the guys and win a big ol jar of what's called "fish bait." It looks like innards of some type and I have to assume it's not edible to humans because I'd be inclined to turn it into BBQ otherwise. Not all of it, but a little of it. If I was starving. Of course, women who can't manage to use kerosene to make a fire or wood to make a roof might not necessarily equate food with...food. :( The men have no way of knowing how badly the womenfolk are faring, having been soundly defeated twice in a row. They spend the night trying to figure out how to stop the skid. Butch says, "Whoever you are, you tend to blame yourself when you lose." "We ran around like chickens with our heads cut-off," Roger replies pointedly to Butch, the man who was supposed to make sure that heads remained firmly attached to bodies during the last challenge. Dave shrugs it all off and implores his men to suck it up and regroup.

The next morning, the girls are trying to choke down the latest batch of burnt manioc which they have not managed to make into average-tasting hotcakes like the boys. Janet seems to like it just fine as it is. Seconds later, when it's revealed to be INVESTED WITH MAGGOTS, she whines, "Maggots? I didn't know there were maggots in it," but then oddly chooses to keep eating *whatever the hell it is she has in her hand.* More on that later. Janet and Jeanne try their hand and fishing and Jeanne gets a promising nibble from a good-sized fish. She and Janet shriek and jump around with glee as Jeanne drops her pole into the river--and the fish gets away. Despite this, Jeanne smiles, "I feel better--we have the bait and I know how to fish. It's gonna be okay." Um. Yeah.

The only drama at the boys camp this week is a debate about homosexuality that Roger and Alex get into. It starts with Roger claiming that so long as you're not hurting anyone else, anything anyone does is none of his business. Which doesn't really jibe with anything else that come out of his mouth about how homosexuality is unnatural etc. Kinda sounds like he thinks it IS his business, I dunno. It also puts his "I'm not a chauvinist, I just can't stand losing to girls" claim from last night into perspective. That being said, I think hypocrisy IS one of the hardest things for any of us to avoid. Because I think our intentions are always going to be a little better than our actions. It's so much easier to know what we should do than to actually do it, so it's easy to say, "Oh, of course I'm not a bigot nor a chauvinist," because they're loaded, ugly words that we know we want no part of--but it is so much harder to actually not make negative assumptions about other people based on our own ignorance. Alex has many gay friends and Roger's attitude really makes him angry. They go back and forth arguing and eventually agree to disagree while Rob stands nearby grinning like the idiot that he is. Rob seems to feel that this argument will give him an ally in his bid to oust Roger. Since Rob COULD have ousted Roger at the first vote, but chose to eliminate Ryan instead, I fail to understand why he's so fired up to do so now. This happens a lot in SURVIVOR, where people get all obsessed with eliminating "the biggest threat" but they don't have any idea who that really is. Roger will most likely clash with the girls--think about it, they consider "hey-maybe-if-you-feel-like-it-later-we-could-maybe-build-the-shelter Deena as "the bossy one." So once the merge occurs, Roger is toast. Alex, a low-key, handsome and kind young man sure to be popular with the ladies is a far greater impediment to Rob's long term survival, following any type of merge. I feel very strongly that the men will want to go into the individual immunity competitions with a few of the girls, and won't just vote the girls out one by one. And if Rob is as offended by Roger as he claims, then he really needs to wipe that moronic smile off of his face when he calls him a bigot so I know he really means it. As it is, I don't understand why you would target Roger this early in the game. Or why you would stand directly in front of two people who are having an impassioned debate with a "I don't take either of you seriously" smile on your face. Rob thinks he's playing some sort of intellectual high-stakes poker game but I think he'd have trouble beating a crafty six-year-old at Old Maid.

Here's a classic quote from my review of the first episode of Survivor: Thailand: "The Immunity Idol looks like an actual religious icon of some sort--I'd assume Buddhist. Great, thinks John, win Immunity, break the First Commandment." That was A JOKE. See, I thought it would be funny, in a ridiculous sort of way, to have one of the devoutly religious tribe members object to the Immunity Idol as though it were an ACTUAL Idol as forbidden in Scripture. :D Ho ho, I crack myself up sometimes. :D

Well. Turns out, Joanna really feels this way. She considers the (very cute, I think) Immunity Idol an *actual* forbidden idol and she wants it out of camp. She doesn't want to touch it or look at it or have anything to do with it and blabbers on and on about it all night, to the irritation of her tribemates. Jeanne implores rationally, "Why can't you just look at it as a symbol and not an idol?" "It's NOT! It's a false god!" "What if we call it somethin' else? It's just a symbol of our unification and the fact that we're all still here. Can't you view it positively as the reason we're all here togethuh?" Joanna disagrees, "We won the challenge before we had the idol and the next time we lose, we'll have done so With the idol so it doesn't actually have any power to help us win." Jeanne is quiet at this point, I think because Joanna's argument that the Immunity Idol is a CBS prop with no religious power or significance was Jeanne's point as well. Joanna vows to talk on the Word of God and the land of the living all night. A weary Deena wonders if she could do so quietly and Joanna says no.

Joanna tells us, "I worship the one true God, Jehovah Gira, El Shaddai. And maybe none of you pagans have ever read the Old Testament like *I* have but those people got STRUCK DOWN for idolatry. That's why we got rained on last night, because we brought that evil thing into camp!" No, honey, you got rained on last night because you're in the freaking Amazon during rainy season and yet have failed to put a roof over your head! Seriously, I have a teddy bear, should I be worried about God's wrath? Is my motorized R2-D2 a false god? Are my Jack In the Box antennae balls graven images? Do I need to offer up some sort of blood sacrifice because I helped elect Kelly Clarkson "American IDOL"?????? As a Christian, there's almost nothing sadder to me than legalism, the kind of God-in-a-box faith that limits people to fear and self-righteousness as they try to duck lightening bolts from an angry and impersonal God who apparently lacks the ability to discern our intentions. If Joanna is truly worried about idolatry--worshipping something other than God--than maybe she should take a good hard look as to why she's decided to put her *own* image on our television screens, or why she really feels she needs to win a million dollars. *stepping down from soap box and self-proclaimed seat of judgment*

The next morning, Christy goes for a walk with Jeanne. Deaf Christy has asked Jeanne to fill her in on what she misses at night once the darkness eliminates her ability to read lips. Jeanne tells Christy about Joanna's objection to the Immunity Idol, and how she's just not as excited by it's presence in camp as the rest of them are. Later, Christy is talking with Janet and apparently she says something about Joanna's views about the Idol being stupid and Joanna overhears. They get into one of those really hard to follow "Oh no you di'n't" Reality show arguments. The gist of it seems to be that Christy feels she has a right to her opinion and Joanna says that fine so long as she's not disrespecting her to the other tribemembers. I think. At one point, Joanna puts her hand in Christy's face, which is one of the rudest things you can do a person during a conversation, particularly since Christy seemed to be trying to sort things out. Christy tells us, "If you're supposed to be a "vessel of Christ," try being nicer to people, kinder to people." Word. Joanna winds up coming off like a bully unable to bury the machete. When Christy apologizes and says "We both made mistakes," Joanna spits, "My mistake came after your mistake." What a bitch. Christy tries not to cry while sad sack Janet offers her a little sympathy.

YET EVEN MORE GIRL DRAMA!

During the last rain storm, the girls packed their gear into the crate which contained their CBS-provided food stuffs, machetes etc. The girls have no shelter, still, but have managed to come up with a plan to keep some of their stuff dry, which is better than nothing. When they unpack their personal items, Jenna spots what looks like a granola/power bar wrapper on the bottom the crate and asks, "What's that?" And everyone looks suspiciously at one another. Janet says a little too innocently, "That food thing? Is that what your guys mean?" Yeah, Janet, what else could they mean? Dept. DA Deena implores the culprit to 'fess up, but no one does. Personally, I was almost more impressed and intrigued that someone HAD managed to do what we have been told again and again was impossible--smuggle food into Survivor! Jeanne says the remaining half of the contraband granola bar constitutes an unfair advantage over the boys and should be burned in the fire, Joanne does so. Deena wants to cross-examine everyone to determine who's lying WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN AWESOME but that doesn't happen. Instead, Jeanne tells the others privately that she saw the wrapper in Janet's bag, and the others seem to agree that Janet is the most likely perpetrator, but there is no Lord of the Flies tribunal. I don't want to accuse an innocent person either but Janet's behavior is the most suspicious of everyone: gleefully eating that maggoty manioc--was it actually a piece of her granola bar?, overly ignorant questions about the *food thing* while no one else is afraid to call it a granola bar and later, her interesting choice of words when expressing her anger at Jeanne. "I don't like cheatuhs," Jeanne growls, who's either telling the truth, sorely mistaken, or this year's answer to witch-hunting Jerri. I like Jeanne too much at the moment to consider the last.

Immunity Limerick

In order to win this here idol
And therefore maintain your survival
you'll have to look close
and remember the most
If so you will claim this week's title

A simple challenge, where the tribes walk through a fake camp and try to remember as many details as they can about its contents. The CBS production staff includes a skillet over the fire on which yummy yellow manioc cakes are roasting--perhaps they're trying to give Jamburu a clue to their survival, since the girls can't even manage to cook as well as the boys. Both groups are asked 10 questions, whoever gets the most right wins. The boys strategy to stop gloating and boasting and instead calm down and focus pays off, and they dominate this one. I was very displeased when Rob got his first question right, though he blew his second question. It didn't MATTER that he blew the second question, since Deena did too, but it mattered to me. Rob is hardly a villain on par with Hatch or Jerri or even Boston Rob...yet I despise him. He must remind me of someone I hate from my past...being a nerd myself, I *have* known many. Anyway, Jeff tells the girls he'll see them tonight and stupid Joanna is probably too thrilled to be rid of the evil idol to even care that her tribe is about to diminish.

Janet is clearly the front-runner to go at this point, since she's weak, whiny and maybe a cheater. But Christy decides to throw her name into the ring. Some of the gals are lounging on the platform they've managed to build (it doesn't seem big enough to fit everyone). Jenna was flipping through some kind of book (her luxury item?) and Deena seemed to be braiding something, I'm not sure. Christy plops a bunch of branches down at Deena's feet and declares, "I need someone to help me put this up so we can have a shelter." She tells us this is the laziest group of people she's ever been associated with. Now, I'm the first person to agree that this tribe needs to muster an Amish Barn Raising vibe pronto, but being belligerent and accusatory is not the way to get people on board. I mean, even if you're justified, even if you're in the right, that whole "catch more flies with honey" thing? TOTALLY TRUE. I mean, I'd be more inclined to guilt people into helping me by just continuing to cut down branches whether I got help or not--and I think I *would* get help. But no one likes to be bossed around, so when Christy sniffs, 'I'm not gonna sit and chill like the rest of you guys," you know it's gonna be a few hours before anyone helps with the shelter. Deena in particular is not pleased, as she's been doing quite a bit of the physical labor in camp. Some time later, Joanna and Deena march into camp with loads of wood and palm leaves. Joanna is singing a military style ditty, "We'll win, we'll win, we'll work together." Jenna glances over bemusedly. Whether this is because she's like, way too cool to ever sing something like that, or because she's struck by the irony since the girls just lost and are not working together on ANY level, remains unclear. Deena throws the palm leaves at a now-lounging Christy's feet and says, "Here ya go, build away." Deciding two can play at "You're not the boss of me," Christy yawns, "I don't wanna. I wanna go fishing now." Jenna, Joanna and Deena glare, with Joanna looking particularly homicidal. "I tried earlier," Christy explains, and no one was interested so..." She shrugs. I guess Hard Core Dave is right about schedules--they're important. I completely understand Christy's emotions, but expressing feelings--even perfectly valid ones--in a hostile and childish way is not the way to play Survivor--or office politics or...any sort of inter-personal situation. It just makes people fantasize about your not being around, which is lousy strategy in a popularity contest, I'm just saying. Jeanne tries to play along, and tells Christy where she left all the fishing gear but now Christy says she doesn't want to do *that* either. "No, no, I'll do the shelter if that's what everyone else is doing. I just want everyone to be doing it instead of sitting around." Jeanne insists poetically, "Nobody's shrkin' Everybody's workin'. " They manage to get the shelter to look sort of like a canopy bed with out the canopy before they start to pack up for Tribal Council.

Deena assures us, "If Christy goes tonight, it's because of her attitude, not because she's deaf." Janet realizes it's either her or Christy tonight, so she pulls everyone together to say, "It's gotten around that I'm the one who brought the, uh...tuna casserole thing that was in the box? I have *no* idea what to call it since I didn't bring it. Anyway, I just want you to know I didn't and if you vote me out tonight, fine, but if that's the reason, you're making a mistake." No one says much of anything and the girls head to Tribal Council. Janet tells us she's voting for Jeanne because she's the one who "stirred everything up." Personally, and I know I'm convicting Janet on circumstantial evidence, but if I knew I was being falsely accused of something, I'd be a little more indignant.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff asks Janet if the girls look to anyone in particular for leadership. Janet says, while her nemesis Jeanne nods in agreement, that Joanna and Deena have carried the load in terms of physical labor. Deena offers no excuses for their inability to build a shelter while Joanna maintains that protecting the fire and fetching and boiling water are taking up all their time. Jeff observes, "You don't seem to have a plan," while kindly failing to mention, "The guys built their shelter AND their fire shelter in a matter of hours." Then he asks Christy a loaded question about the shelter and whether she's being purposely excluded because she's deaf and she bites, "The shelter should have been built days ago. People are sitting around and doing nothing and I'm working ALL THE TIME." Then she cries as she discusses how isolated she is due to her hearing disability, "No one tells me anything. People move away from me when I come around--they treat me like crap and I work harder than anyone!" Janet pats her hand while Jenna looks so wound up physically her body is danger of turning in on itself and imploding. Jeff asks her to comment and she replies, "It's insulting to be told we sit around. I'm up boiling my underwear at LEAST four times a day, okay? And no one hates her because she's deaf. We hate her because she's annoying. We're a bunch of women trying to survive in the freaking jungle without food and water. A little bitchiness is inevitable."

The vote is decisive, but kinda old school in that four different people get votes. Despite Christy's inflammatory comments, Joanna is the only one who votes for her, (spelling it Khristie) "We need your physical strength but your attitude STINKS!" Janet also praises Jeanne's strength as she votes to oust her (spelling it Jean), "You're strong but you're too aggressive." Again, that's really interesting phrasing if Jeanne's accusation was unwarranted. Christy votes for Jenna (spelling it Jena). Janet gets the remaining five votes and is eliminated from Survivor: Amazon. She joins BB, Kel, Jessie, Patricia and Tanya as the second one out of the game. Even though she shares a smuggling scandal with the almost-certainly falsely accused Kel, she's more like a BB, Jessie or a Tanya who just couldn't hack the game physically.

Voting out Janet was the smart thing for the tribe to do, since she's the weakest link physically and hasn't shown much in the way of personality or fire or grit or really anything one might need in a competition. The game just quite simply kicked her ass. Still, there was something just unbearably sad about Janet waving goodbye with that big old stuffed animal sticking out of her backpack. Jeff hopes the girls will turn around their fortunes and get cracking on the survival elements of the game. I SWEAR I'm not making this up, I was on the phone with my sister and said, "The girls just need to pull it together," and they came out of commercial with the scenes for next time with Jeff's voice intoning, "The girls CAN'T pull it together!" "Ay Caramba!" I shouted. To her credit, Janet gave the best exit speech since Hunter's "I'll sent the Coast Guard out to save you knuckleheads," laugher. Janet says she now realizes she's more of a Cancun woman than an Amazon woman and implores any other middle-aged women who are thinking about having a mid-life crisis to try changing their hairstyle rather than go on a reality show. Nicely done, Janet :)

Next week, Christy now seems like the weak link. Her harsh words make it unlikely that anyone's gonna reach out to her any more, and risk annoying the others who are *clearly* fed up with her. For the boys, despite Rob's trying to gun for Roger, I think Daniel is still odd man out. The guys have gotta have figured out by now that the Survivor powers-that-be want every challenge to be potentially winnable for the girls, which means no "who can bench press the most" Immunity Challenge. So it'll be the guys that seem socially on the fringe, like Daniel or maybe stuck-up Matt, who are the most vulnerable.

Peace! Christine :)