Survivor 5.6 Ohh whatt a night! :)

Hey! It's my latest review ever, sorry :) Check it out, Just under the wire...

Morning at Sucks Hard. Penny says, "We're all here to win a million dollars, so trust is a day to day thing." Robb is angry and confuseded as he asks Penny if she was ever considering voting him out and she tells him no which upsets him because Ken told him that Penny was going to either vote for Steph OR Robb. Now...she DID indeed vote for Steph so any reasonable person would not see this as a betrayal on Ken's fault, but Robb spits, "Dude, I'm sick off all the backstabbing bullhonkey!" right in front of Shii Ann, who he's voted against twice. He storms of to confront Ken, who's chilling in the Moby Shack. "Dude, I'm not playing games, bro. I don't care, dude, but straight up, what's going on, know what I'm saying?" Now of course NOBODY knows what Robb is saying but Ken discerns that his integrity is being questioned so he gets all Sipowicz on Robb (sans beating, unfortunately), "Okay, dumbass, who'd everyone else tell you dey were voting for?" "Uh...Shii Ann." "And who'd dey all vote for?" "Steph...but." "And who'd I tell you I was voting for? Steph! And who'd I vote for? STEPH!! You got some bohls to come 'ere and question MY freaking loyalty--after I was honest wit choo?" Ken tells us, "At first I didn't understand him--I mean, who can understand dat guy? Dehn I thought he must be kidding wit dis. Dehn I remembered: Robb is a friggin' idiot." Their voices carry over to the beach, where eyes are rolled. Ken's logic is lost on Robb, who goes on to rave about Ken's telling him days ago that the first vote had come down to Jed and Robb. Ken insists, "Yer damn staright it did! No one could frickin stand to be around you, you frickin moron! You pissed everyone off, you wouldn't shut up--I tink I tried to tell you dis before but you know what? I'm probably lyin' right now!" Robb then claims that he can't trust Ken because Ken didn't tell him the day Jed was ousted that Robb was on the block too. Ken is flabbergasted, "I'm deh only one dat's been straight wit choo and yer bitin' the hand that's TRYIN' to feed you!" Robb, red-faced and surely about to burst into tears screams, "Dude, don't talk to me that way like I'm stupid, cuz I'm NOT FRICKIN STUPID!!!!" :D The only thing missing was Ken saying, "I will ALWAYS wave my finger in your face!" It ruled.

Meanwhile, everyone is still lamenting the loss of the boat at Chewing Gum--I don't know if you realize this, but that boat sure came in handy! The boys decide to swim out to nearby Gilligan's Island to look for it. Helen doesn't think that weak swimmers Ted and Clay have any business swimming out there, which sort of begs the question, "Why don't you go then?" But I think Helen thought it was a waste of time, and she's right. CBS makes a big deal of showing us that the boat really *was* on the other side of the island, but it was washed way into a freaky cove. I'm gonna call the expedition a wash because even though the men failed to search the island thoroughly, it could have been exhausting and even dangerous if they had, and it was nice to see them actually doing work, even it was fruitless.

The Ken Mutiny

Back at Sucks Hard Beach, Robb casually says to the still shack-lounging Ken, "Dude, I'm sorry, bro," and helps himself to a banana. Ken stalks off and Robb scoffs, "Dude, relax, I'm over it!" Ken goes to the beach and tells the others that Robb is eating a banana without permission and hadn't they all agreed to let them get ripe before they ate any more? The whole tribe converges on the Shack where Robb says, "Dude, I don't think anyone wants to ask permission to eat a frickin' banana and Ken isn't the boss of me! I am hungry, so I'm gonna eat a banana!" Shii Ann chimes in, "So are we eating the bananas?" "Dude, "I'm gonna eat a banana. We worked really hard for these bananas! Banana banana banana!" She tries to continue and he tells her to shut up. Penny tells Shii Ann, "Back off and let Ken and Robb sort this out like the little children they are." Ken kneels down and starts taking a banana inventory whilst Robb pops another one into his enormous mouth.

Reward Haiku:

the real reward poem
must have been really sucky
they didn't show it

This was a real fun challenge, with a traditional Thai feast at stake. One player launches balls in the air from a giant rubber band thing, and everyone else tries to catch the balls in these big baskets attached to poles, while also trying to prevent the other team from succeeding. Sadly, Robb does very well and catches four balls to Chewing Gum's lowly one. Clay yells at Helen like she's shooting the balls wrong, when imho, Chewing Gum just had no hustle and let's face it, Robb's still on a sugar high from eating contraband bananas. Chewing Gum regroups to make it close by having Ted plant Robb in the dirt a couple times. With the score tied, the Sucks regroup and Robb whines, "Dude, am I the only person playing?" "The bohls are all comin tuh you," Ken growls. Everyone starts to bicker until Penny goes all schoolteacher on them, "Boys, boys! Shut up! I'm launching the ball right in the middle and I want all four of ya'll to move your butts and try and catch it!" Robb does and the Sucks win. Jeff says, "I've just gotta betray Christine and compliment Dumbb Robb on national television--Robb, you carried this one all the way!" I feel dead inside.

At Chewing Gum, sad loser music plays as the team dissects the game and agrees that the futile swim to Gilligan's Island tuckered them out and cost them a victory. Ted apologizes for yelling at everyone and they all just basically behave like grown ups--though to be fair, they don't have any bananas there to tear them apart. In the understatement of the century, Ted says the fest they lost "Must be better than peeling clams off of rocks." So's a root canal, Ted.

The Camelot Feast

The Sucks feast begins with the first of many "Robb teaches all of us a little something about life" moments that made this episode gag-worthy, despite his ouster. It's odd that someone with a hole in their chin would be such a neat freak, but Robb rhapsodizes, "Dude, we had napkins to wipe our faces--it was totally awesome!" Shii Ann even uses the silverware--everything's coming up Robb! The girls all agree that this morning's banana fight was lame ass as Ken sits at the end of the table and stews. Some Thai dancers and musicians come in to provide a little culture. Shii Ann says, "For one brief, shining moment...we almost liked each other."

The Secret Language of Twits

Back at Chewing Gum, Ted and Clay are both pretty pleased with their intuition, as Ted says, "I have a feeling that the merger is coming soon", and Clay declaring, "Itwon'tbeaftertwomoreimmunitiestha'tssure." Yeah, guys, uh everyone who has EVER WATCHED SURVIVOR EVER thinks the merger is coming after the next tribal council--between the sixth and seventh ouster as it always has in the past! Later, Ted and Brian tells us once again about their strong--and very very hush hush secret alliance. They bash fists at the campfire and Ted says, "We still on?" "Yeah, of course," Brian says. Ted the master strategist tells Brian, "After we merge, we all need to stick together--if you catch my meaning." "Oh yeah, I know *exactly* what you're saying, don't you worry," Brian replies. Now, this is hardly cloak and dagger "the rooster crows at midnight" kind of stuff but Brian still insists, "We have an unspoken language, man--a "lingo" if you will." They murmur about watching each others back right as Clay walks up behind them, though fortunately for them , there's a good chance he's even dumber than they are, and he didn't notice. Guys, take a page from Tina and Colby and keep it on the down low!

Back at Sucks Beach, Ken and Robb go for a nature walk and we have to listen to more "Robb has learned so damned much" nonsense as he gushes about nature and Thai culture. It cracks me up that he claims to be all about learning about Thai culture and he has all these Asian characters tattooed all over himself yet he is childishly and ignorantly unable to tolerate his Chinese tribemember. Whatever, dude. Robb says, "Dude, Life is so rad and deep, bro! I'm eating a banana and drinking piss water and it's like, so amazingly awesome!" He assures us that he and Ken have totally "squashed the beef"...which CAN'T be as homoerotic as it sounds...can it? Then he claims, "Dude, Ken helped me make sense...to myself. Not many other people have done that," proving that not even Robb can understand Robb and possibly making Ken eligible for the Nobel Peace Prize next year. When Robb whines, "Dude, you're always telling me what to do!" Ken sighs, "Maybe you should listen when someone's tryin' to help you--it's getting harder and harder tuh help you." Sad to say, the strong "Of Mice and Men" vibe of the hike to the bat cave *doesn't* lead to a mercy killing, but the tribe will be speaking soon enough. Does anyone else think that Ken's determination to save Robb indicates that Ken is on the outs of a possible girl's club alliance?

At Chewing Gum, Jan interrupts Brian and Helen's clam-peeling to wail about a dead baby bat she's found on the cave floor, which she intends to hold a funeral for. Helen describes it to us as a "slimy, embryonic baby bat thing," which somehow made me unable to get that damned Chili's "Baby Back Ribs" song out of my head. Jan bawls, names it Oscar, and gives it a proper Christian burial. Mean Clay shakes his head at her weakness and stupidity while the others at least try to show Jan some compassion, even though they think the whole thing is crazy. Brian wonders, "Is she just really really emotional...or is she losing it a little out here?" I'm betting on a little of both, my friends.

Immunity Haiku

you are all tired
a mental game should suit you
too bad Jan's crazy

The challenge is another cool one. There are 21 flags in a circle and the tribes will take turns taking either one, two or three flags from the bunch, hoping to be the group that gets the last flag. The Sucks sit out Robb for the mind game, but lose anyway. When Chewing Gum wins, Penny turns to them and says, "good job" and the Sucks all applaud for Chewing Gum as Jan wins immunity for a second straight time.

Oddly, Tribal Council doesn't seem to happen that same night, and instead the gang gets wasted on leftover Camelot feast wine. Erin tells us that everyone poured their hearts out but Robb is really the only one who gets maudlin, raving about how this being their last night "as a family", gag me with an immunity idol. We get YET STILL EVEN MORE "Robb's here to teach us about life" dreck, as Robb admits, "I never really knew my Dad and now I miss him so much and can't wait to see him!" Next time Dan Quayle wants to make a speech about the importance of fathers, he should use Robb as an object lesson--5 minutes with the guy would sent Murphy Brown screaming towards the nearest wedding chapel. Anyway, Ken and Shii Ann both tell Robb he's alright, but next morning brings the same old politics and chicken neck-breaking. Shii Ann says the Sucks are still divided and is her comment that "Erin and Penny don't trust me anymore than I trust them" another vague indication of a tenuous chick-alliance? Just so long as Jake isn't gonna get screwed over, because he's the best of the bunch.

Tribal Council

Everyone talks about love love LOVE and gosh-golly if we only had THREE more days together! Then Robb goes and spoils it all by saying something stupid like, "Dude, it was really hard to just sit there and watch them all lose, so I had to try and bring up there spirits and I did, bro! I'm pretty freaking amazing!" Jeff smiles, "Well, Robb, your spiritual transformation made for some better-than-mediocre television, and we thank you. Shii Ann, after a night like that, how do you turn around and vote someone out?" "Gee Jeff, it's going to be SOOOOOO hard, but *somehow* we'll get through it....as a family," she manages to reply without giggling. Erin agrees, "Last night, Robb really helped us be more at peace with having to vote out Robb--or whomever!" Everyone votes for Robb except Robb, who casts another vote for Shii Ann. Robb is not surprised by the landslide, even making light of the fact that no one spells his name right...or is that wrong? No one spells it with two b's the way he does. He goes out with his usual nonsensical jabber, "Bro, play hard, dude, for real!" Then Jeff tries to make the Sucks feel bad, saying, "Wow, you experienced so much spiritual growth at your drunken emotional orgy last night, yet you just voted out the guy that inspired it--aren't you all a shitty much of losers?" Jeff is going to have to do something *pretty* danged awesome to win me back, that boy is sleeping on the couch of my heart for now. I mean, Jeff's seen more footage than we have, he knows Robb's an ass!

Robb is ousted and everyone--Robb, the Sucks and certainly America--wins! Robb is the last eliminee before the merger, joining Joel--who paid the price for something Gervase actually said, as I recall. He was also the only member of poor, naive Pagong who felt they should go in and try to pick off the other tribe one by one. Instead, they all went in and voted for each other and Hatch and company came out victorious. Also gone at this point in the game was Michael, who planted his face in the fire and opened the door for Colby and Tina, big baby Lindsay--who wasn't so pumped about the tribe switcheroo, and Gina, who was spared one week by realignment but not two, and at least was voted out by nice people instead of evil Boston Rob. Next episode: Gee, I have *a feeling* it's gonna be the merger :)

Have a great week! Peace, Christine :)