Survivor 4.9 and recap recap

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz--Huh? Oh, hello! Sorry, this episode put me to sleep. I guess we needed a break after two weeks in a row of exiting ousters, but while Vecepia might think there's such a thing as '"too much drama," as a television viewer, I must complain that there was "not enough drama." Probably because most of the conflict occurred between Zoe and Tammy, who couldn't field a complete personality even if they pooled their resources.

First the recap recap. This season, the recap show didn't replace an episode, it aired the night before. Frankly, I could have used a break--maybe I could have caught up on my reviews! But CBS is determined to screw me. They're airing the Survivor Finale on a Sunday, opposite the X-Files series finale. So, I need to invite myself over to someone's house to watch AND tape the Survivor finale, while I tape X-Files at home and yes, if you're in the Greater Los Angeles area, I AM asking YOU. The reunion will be hosted this year by Rosie O'Donnell. She irritates me to no end, but since, as opposed to Bryant Gumbel, she's a fan of Survivor and ACTUALLY WATCHES IT, I think this is still an improvement.

Okay, now REALLY with the recap recap. It was really lame. We got next to no new footage: The General's voodoo doll, Rotu found peppers to put in their taro mix (I'm NOT kidding), Chachi once tried to cook papaya...this one time, Hunter took everyone on a hike and Sean and Chachi got annoyed. I'm SERIOUS. Then we saw Sean teaching the Rotuans how to play "Pretend radio show," a pastime that pretty much embodies the phrase, "I guess you had to be there." There were two scenes that were great: Gina telling Kath about her ultimate dream: Gina wants more than anything to one day open a log cabin restaurant in Alaska, where she'll serve free coffee. Gina RULES! If she opens it, I'm hella going. I'll even send out a sign up sheet, we can have a road trip. The other great scene was the actual pow wow between Sean, V, Pappy and Neleh where they merge into the Goody Goody Gumdrops tribe. Vecepia apologizes to Sean for helping the Smugglies eliminate Chachi, "They told me I'd be in the final five, and then it would be every man for himself!" Personally, I'm glad V's crisis of conscience came AFTER Chachi was eliminated. It was interesting to see Peter's ouster, because Sean and V both voted for Sarah. The game might have been very different for Gina and Hunter if they had gotten rid of Chachi's "Ace in the Hole" before Peter.

Week 9. Morning at Soliantu. The Goody Goody gumdrops are soooooooo happy, they're actually singing showtunes. Sean and V sing a number from "The Wiz," a movie that always scared me as a kid--the subway scene, for those who are familiar with it. Paschal tells us that they just want to turn "Survivor" into a game where everyone plays fairly and there's no manipulation. Hmmmmnn. Doesn't sound much like Survivor, but, okay, I'll go with it. Neleh gushes, "Jeepers,we beat them at their own game at the very last minute, and it's hilarious! I laughed my HEAD off." So did America, Neleh! :D

The Gumdrops return to camp, fawning all over one another, "I love you!" "I love you!" "I love our tribe!" "So do I!" "I love this beautiful island!" "Me too!" "Let's never change!" "Friends forever!!" Tammy and the General watch sulkily from the camp's fringe, while Zoe tells Kath, "Everything in camp that was broken? I fixed it. Here's breakfast--just the way you like it, ma'am!" Tammy tells us, "The mood in camp is insufferably happy. The Gumdrops are sitting pretty, they're five, so they're indestructible." But...who made "them" a "them," Tammikins? Tammy complains to the General, "We're outcasts. They see us as traitors just because we were conspiring this entire time to eliminate them one by one, and now they're gonna do the same thing to us. We're screwed cuz of John--it's our own fault for trusting him!" Er...yes, and for the conspring and the gloating at the immunity challenge. Tammy tells us, "We have targets on our backs, just because the others were hurt by our whole "alliance of evil" thing we had going. Some people are soooo sensitive. And now I'm probably next because they see me as the leader, just because I'm so bossy."

She tells us her allegiance is still to Zoe and the General, which is..."admirable" is too strong a word, but I think it reflects well on a person to be loyal to their alliance when it's blown up. She and Zoe go out to get shells and Tammy tells her she's glad they were on a team together, to which Zoe replies, "Team? Huh? What are you...I'm sorry have we met? You say your name is Tammy? And you're from where? Arizona? What?" Tammy laughs, "Look, Zoe, if you want to cut yourself off from me and the General and totally humiliate yourself by sucking up to the Goody Goodies, that's totally cool with me--I won't get in the way. But, c'mon, it's just the two of us out her--plus the cameraman and, by extension, tens of millions of people, so please, just admit that for one brief shining moment, we were the Smugglies and we ruled!!" Zoe tells her, "You know what...Tricia, right? I never ever liked you. Something about your eyes, you give me the creeps. So. Let's just collect some shells." Tammy is flabbergasted--you can tell because she actually raises an eyebrow. Tammy tells us, "So, John was a volatile egotistical freak and now it turns out that Zoe is a complete bitch. Our alliance TOTALLY sucked!" Meanwhile, Zobot informs us, "I am no longer associated with the one who calls herself "Tammy." I will now begin a campaign of sucking up in order to get close enough to the Gumdrops to screw THEM over."

Neleh brings reward challenge mail:

If you're in the mood for some winnin'
Separate some hard nuts from their fillin'
if you fill the shoot
Then you'll have a hoot
Eat a genuine Marquesan din din


In order to win a Marquesan par-TAY, they have to crack open coconuts and pour juice into a shoot, first one to fill it blah blah blah. They are randomly paired up, and Sean and Paschal, "the old man and the brother," as Sean dubs them, are victorious. Kath and Neleh fuss over Sean and Pappy, respectively, like proud mothers sending their boys off to their first formal dance, "You look darling!" "Don't eat too fast!" When the helicopter comes to get them, Kath and Neleh then try to out-gush one another, "I'm soooo excited for them!" "Me TOO! And I'm sooo happy for them!" "ME Too!" It's too much for Tammy who tries to smile as she snarls, "They're only gonna be gone for a few hours, you moron!" when Kath says she's gonna miss them.

SEAN AND PAPPY'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE

Sean and Paschal are dropped off on a cliff, where they are greeted by some big ol' marquesan dudes on horseback. Sean, who's never been on a living horse, totally freaks out and winds up having share a horse with one of the Marquesans, clinging desperately to the man's back. His abject terror sort of endeared him to me. Sean calms down once he starts rapping--y'know, maybe I'm stereotyping, but I would've expected Sean to be a better rapper than Gabe...nope. When they arrive at the feast, Sean declares, 'this is better than "Gilligan's Island!" Has he made some sort of endorsement deal with "TV Land" to mention an old TV show every episode?

Sean and pappy marvel once again at what an unlikely pair they make--He's a white southern judge and he's a black kid from Harlem-- It's "the Old man and the Brother,"coming this fall to CBS! Starring...Charles Durning and D.L. Hughley? Paschal tells us that he's stunned that he and Sean are friends, "Sure, Sean is annoying and lazy, but he's straight forward and honest. I mean, Zoe and Tammy work their butts off in camp, but you can't trust them a lick! I'd rather have to do all the cooking if it means I'll still be here in the end." The duo dines on roasted pig and fish as they watch the natives dance. Not to pull a Sean, but all I kept thinking about was the Hawaii episodes of "Eight is Enough." How sad was it when Pappy said he felt bad for what he knew the others were eating, and then they cut to Rotu eating cooked slime and kath's pathetic, "It's so much easier eating just one meal a day!" Fortunately, Paschal and Sean fill their pockets with food for the others. Which begs the question...if Mark Burnett doesn't care (obviously we saw them do it, so he saw them do it, and they told us they did and everyone later eats the food) then why did they have to smuggle it? If there was really a "you can't bring anything back for the others" rule, surely they would have been stopped? Sean teaches the Marquesan dudes an authentic "jive" handshake, one you must have to demonstrate in the audition in order to be cast, if you're a black man (CB teaches a similar one to Big Tom in the first episode of Survivor Africa). Pappy and Sean get all weepy with one another. When they return to camp, everyone partakes of the "stolen" food and Sean realizes, "Hey, even backstabbers deserve to eat every now and again."

Breakfast consists of "smuggled" fruit. pappy declares he will never again let a banana get so ripe that he has to throw it away, no sir. Vecepia says she never did that in the first place. Damn this episode is boring!

Tammy and the General decide their only hope is to try to get Paschal and Neleh over to their side--a move that would have been nice a few days ago. The General declares, "he never spoke tuh us! He wasn't our mouthpiece! In fact, there was never no us neither!" Tammy agrees, "He took his shorts of in front of us at the waterfall, and suddenly he was saying we were a group or whatever--I barely even knew the guy!" Paschal stands his ground and Neleh is openly disbelieving. The General takes this personally, telling us, "They know I never lied to either of them." yeah, Rob, the problem is they ALSO know that you never tried to help them, or warn them, or clue them in. You let John do all the talking, you let him "draw fire," and now you've got to live with the consequences of your actions--or lack thereof. Tammy makes one last pitch, "Look, honestly, do you REALLY want to be standing with the black people at the end rather than us? Not that there's anything wrong with being black, I'm just saying...don't we deserve to be in the final four ore than them?" Pappy says, "I want to be standing at the end with people who've never distorted the truth in order to manipulate me." End of discussion. The General tells us, "That hurts my feelings. They're calling me a liar when all I really am is a dumb tool who got in over his head. I fell in with a bad crowd, officer!" Then he goes off to pout, saying, "the General don't give a rat's ass about anyone but the General! I'm gonna make everyone miserable, waaah!" Neleh shakes her head, "Golly, I think we hurt his feelings because we don't trust him. You wonder how he'd react if he found out people he thought were his friends were leading him along like a lamb to the slaughter--you know, the way he played us!"

One person who's glad to see the General become insufferable is Zobot, who sees a chance to move up in the pecking order ahead of The General and Tammy by making jewelry and sucking up in general. Zoe tells us, "I never trusted Tanya...that's her name, right? Tanya? And that big guy--and CLEARLY they shouldn't have trusted me. Now I'm going to make it known that I've backstabbed not only Neleh, Pappy and Kath by joining the evil alliance, but now I've backstabbed the big guy and Teresa by abandoning them! I will bond with the Gumdrops very very subtly...by making them friendship bracelets with shells! I like to call this brilliant strategy 'changing horses in mid-stream' and I've got a real good feeling about it." The look on Tammy's face as Zobot goes about handing out the shell trinkets was truly priceless, especially when Neleh hugged Zoe and declared sincerely, "Oh Zoe! You're the most tenderhearted of all of us!" No, Sweet Pea, that's you, and it's very endearing but it might behoove you develop...if not a hard shell, at lest a better filter. Tammy marvels that no one else sees through Zoe's obviously fake attempt to curry favor with them, but I thought both Kath and V seemed very aware of Zobot's intentions. Kath has felt the most betrayed by Zoe--she hasn't trusted her since the merge, and cast a vote for her instead of Chachi. And V positively grimaced as she put on her necklace.

Immunity Poem:

It's time for a challenge on stilts
We hope that your hopes will not wilt
Cuz If keeping your balance
Ain't one of your talents
Then onto the ground you will tilt

Can they PLEASE stop saying "tree mail?"

Long story short, they have to "fight' one another on stilts, but everyone except Vecepia and Tammy so absolutely sucks that it's merely a matter of staying on the dang things for like, 10 seconds and you win. Tammy sucks slightly less than V and Tammy wins. Tammy says to Jeff, "You have NO idea how much I needed this!" Jeff says, "Uh, I'm Jeff Freaking Probst and I know ALL!! Don't my insightful--one might even say piercing questions at Tribal Council prove that??" The gumdrops seem to be sincere as they hug her in congratulations.

As they walk back from the challenge, The General is sincerely happy for Tammy's win. She tells him, "Friend, there is no way in hell you're getting your meaty hands on this necklace, but, stay positive--Pappy and Sean like you, right?" Neleh tells us, "Zoe has been such a hard worker--jeepers, she's worked even harder and been even nicer to me since we got rid of John--isn't that sweet? And Rob's been a moody jerk lately...but Zoe might win immunity someday and he never will...no offense, so...who knows?" The General assures us, "I can accept my fate if they wanna get rid of me--just so long as they accept my WILL when I get my vengeance as an all-powerful juror!" There's nothing more sad than the vengeful juror. I mean, you still have to give the million to somebody...

Tribal Council

John arrives clean-shaven, looking much better and years younger--like fourteen, actually. Jeff asks Sean how he's doing and Sean gets all weepy talking about his mother. When Jeff asks The General about his experience he says, "It's been interesting. I've seen one person...let's call her "contestant Z," totally deny that they were ever part of an alliance, and I've seen other people who were looked on as nobodys--and not for any racial reasons or nothing, become great players in this game. I've made some great friendships--that's what's important, Jeff, friendship!" It's a great speech that just might spare his fire-represented life on the island, at least this time around. Jeff asks Zobot if she has any experiences, 'on a deeper level," that she'd like to relate. "I don't have a deeper level, Jeff. I'm just work hard, play hard, lie hard, switch sides hard Zoe. Stay the Course."

DUH, Tammy doesn't give up immunity, but I thought it was stupid of her to say, '"I know for a fact, bastards, that if I gave this up, you'd vote me out!" I'm not certain it's true, for one, it might me seen as magnanimous (or stupid or manipulative, sure). But to come off so bitter and victimized just pushes her ahead of the General on the pecking order--she practically broke into "I'm still here!" which would have brought the show tune thing full circle.

Zoe is annihilated in the vote. Someone misspells her name "Zo," ya gotta love it. Tammy smirks, 'I'm voting for you because I just don't like you." Tammy's scrappy for sure and she just might be able to practically run the immunity table ala Kelly Wigglesworth or the Colbster, but she just doesn't quite have a squishy vulnerable center that enables me to give a damn how hard she's fighting. She's just kind of cold.

It's fitting that Zoe joins Africa's Brandon as juror number two, since she made the same kind of move as he did with the same result. This was also the same place in the game that we lost the teary but cheery Jenna and the evil Jerri. It's hard to feel bad for Zoe because she's still a zero on my radar. Her exit speech is like, "Whatever. I did my best, work hard, play hard, that's the Zoe way." Zuh? Even if The General and Tammy go in turn, I'm interested in what becomes of the final five. In order to be as fair and non-manipulative as they claim they want to be, it seems to me that the Gumdrops would have to, what? Not block vote? Each person goes in blind, votes their heart and we see how it shakes out. If they do that, then Kath might be at a disadvantage. I Think she might be the easiest person for Sean and V to vote for. But then, V might be easiest for Pappy and Neleh. Will someone move to break up the inseparable Pappy and Sweet Pea? If so, when? Next week, it's probably the General or else it's Tammy. Week after, immunity might play a pivotal role. Hopefully, the next two weeks aren't as boring as I fear... Peace, Christine :D