Survivor 4.7 :D

I'm visiting my sister, so hello from Sacra-tomato, to quote a DJ from my childhood. "These happy days are yours and mine..." Say, am I the only one who's been humming the "Happy Days" theme song all week? I didn't think so :) Chachi finally gets sent packing in an episode full of what Vecepia likes to avoid--DRAMA! And I say... Aaaaaaaaaaaaayyy!

The episode begins with a little "CSI" crossover, as Neleh (who's name is pronounced "neh-LEE-uh" just me, or is she missing a vowel somewhere), Paschal and Kath stumble upon a human skeleton--the apparent victim of some ancient sacrifice. Too bad crime reporter Tammy isn't here to flesh out the bones' story, so to speak. Clearly ready for the yet-to-be-seen "Island trivia" challenge, Pappy and Kath agree that the bones are in a "Pi Pi," a type of Marquesan monument. Neleh is horrified, "They just buried him in a WALL??" But Neleh, maybe being buried in a wall was a big honor back in the day. Ah, Neleh. You just gotta love a girl who feels compassion for a guy that's been dead for 500 years. Kath tells us the vote was tough. She was glad to survive, but sad to see Gina go. "Pappy and Neleh are too close, if we don't merge, I'm a goner!" Hard to imagine Burnett allowing a tribe of three (kinda boring) people to go on another week, Kath. I thought maybe he was gonna reshuffle once more.

At Rotu, The General has a thousand-yard-stare going as he sits by the campfire with Zoe and John. King John is going on about how he's gonna catch a damn pig, then he grabs a gnat from the sky and says, "See, there's one right there!" Zoe laughs as though this is actually funny. The General *stares blankly* like Sarah used to, barely aware of the others presence. Chachi glares at them from beneath a tent. He tells us, "Ahm in uh tribe wit a buncha morons!" Then he goes on, "Ahv abow had it wit dis tribe," like he really has options? Putting up with people you don't like is a large part of the game. Speaking of, Vecepia has a good morning kiss for King John. Rob tells us, "Vecepia's soooo fake tuh me. [Insert montage of everyone else getting along with one another except he and Sean] Duh way everone is actin' bein' all nice and whahevuh tuh eachothuh--maybe dat's dere way uh playun duh game, but ah hate it." Ugh. We hate you too! And so do they! "At duh othuh camp, ah always had an ace in duh hole, here ah don'." Does he still really think he and Sarah were gonna take it all the way to the end? Really!? Rob tells Sean he doesn't believe that John will really honor his word. *Maybe* they'll get rid of Kath "like they said" but they'll still get rid of at least one of them, so they can't start anything. The idea that Rob is outraged that John will do whatever it takes to ensure his own survival is baffling to me. I mean, it IS the game. He then makes a stupid mountain climbing analogy about how he has to do something radical to win, but really, he's just plain and simple dumb and outnumbered.

Mail call! Each tribe has to pick someone, outfit them in long pants and long sleeves and tennis shoes (why, we never learn), and send them off on a mission for their team. Neleh is bummed that they'll be split up, and Kath is chosen to go. Tammy reads the requirements to her team and asks *everyone* but looks pointedly at John, "So, who do we send?" UTTER, STUPEFIED SILENCE. No one says anything. John, the self-proclaimed mighty leader stands their with his mouth hanging open, catching flies. You can hear the wheels turning--"...what if I go and lose--that might lose me respect--not that I'll apologize--plus while I'm gone, everyone might turn on me behind his back..." "I'll volunteer tuh go," Rob says quietly. Everyone stares at him. Tammy asks everyone, but looks pointedly at John, "Does...ANYONE else want to go?" But now, it'll look like they're *afraid* to let Chachi go, so John says, "Hey, Rob wants to go, so..." So. So, John and the smugglies whiff, and Chachi gets a *chance* to strategize, plus he gets a reward. Regardless of what this challenge turned out to be, one of the smugglies should have insisted on going, and they show weakness by allowing their loosest cannon to take an unaccompanied spin around the island. Rob, the idiot savant, is correct in smelling opportunity in this challenge. "Now it's in God's hands," Sean mutters as Chachi walks away from the group. Yeah, Sean, because Almighty God *really* cares about who wins "Survivor: Marquesas."

So, Kathy and Rob win the jackpot. They get to name the new tribe, make a new flag and eat pizza. And, oh yeah, get plastered on Coors Light. The two get ripped and eventually swap stories. Rob is just *shocked* to hear that Gina told Kath that he was a lazy self-interested bum. Kath is floored to hear that Zoe and the rest plan to oust her first. He tells her, "Ah may be writin' muh own death cuhtificate, tellin yose dis! If dey fine out ah said anythin'dey might take me out!" Indeed. Yet...it will be Rob who reveals his own treachery, ha ha ha. Kath and Rob make a pact never to vote out the other. Kath means it, Rob boasts to us that he doesn't. Kath is suspicious, but the two snuggle up in the same bed and Rob wonders if they could be the final two. "That'd be a riot," Kath laughs, "Let's see if we can do it." Chachi tells us, "It'll be interesting tuh see if I can tell duh troot fuh once in muh life." Rob is actually a Brandon. He's so into screwing people over, he's forgotten to make actual relationships. Even the evil Richard Hatch had real bonds with Stoopid Sue and Rudy. They trusted each other and got to the final four together, and THEN all bets were off. Anyway, the "Kathy loves Chachi" spin-off is short-lived, and the pair heads to Maraamu, where they greet Pappy and Neleh. The four have five minutes to pack up everything they have and head to Rotu, where they will merge into one new tribe. Rob puts on his "Loveable dope" persona and hugs Pappy and Neleh--but, I dunno, it seemed kinda fake tuh me ;)

THE MERGE

Rotu greets the returning Kath, Paschal and Neleh, and, oh yeah, Chachi. Kath is subdued and suspicious--Rob has given her a lot to think about, and she does sense that the old Rotu spirit (aka Gabriel) has gone. Chachi gathers them together to hand out the new rags---a truly awful hot pink is now their tribe color. Their new name is "Soliantu," which means "Sacred Allegiance to the Sun." Or "Son," if you're Vecepia, I would reckon. The flag is kinda cute, with a big happy sun, a groovy blue and white waveish "Soliantu" and palm trees and everyone's initials painted along the bottom. It reminded me of the team flags we had when I played AYSO soccer. When I was 13, I played on a team called "the Goalbusters," and brother, it don't get more 1984 than that! Everyone acts like they're so happy to be reunited, but it's as yet unclear who's legit about that.

The General refuses to wear the pink bandanas, "Real men don't wear pink. Real men get lots an' lots an' lots of tattoos and make up tough sounding nicknames for themselves and we do NOT wear pink, aright?" He also claims that everyone's happy to be together. Vecepia leads Sean, John, and Rob in prayer, and Chachi doesn't keep his eyes shut, nor does he manage to even keep a straight face. V is one of those Christians who pepper their prayer with lots of "Father Gods" and "Lords." I'm not saying this is the case of everyone who does this, I know for lots of people, it's sincere, but I strongly suspect that it's filler sometimes, like, instead of saying, "Uh...." you say, "Lord," to sound more spiritual. V thanks God for their new members, their new ugly new buffs, and their new, blasphemous tribe name, which she can't remember. I dunno what's weirder, THIS prayer, or Neleh's with the Thee's and Thou's or V's "We're gonna win, right Lord?" demand-prayer about the Fat Albert SOS sign.

Kath continues to fret about her standing in the tribe. She tells Paschal she's next on the hit list and wants him to understand that she, he and Ne are all being played by the "powerful forces" of the Smugglies. He says he does know that, but warns her not to be too confrontational this soon after the merge. I think Pappy knows, as I suspect, that it's easy to talk about voting out people you can't see. I think that Tammy, Zoe and The General would rather keep Pappy and Neleh instead of Sean and Chachi, duh. Kath does not heed his advice. As the group sits down for a meal she declares, "By God, it's a game, but I don't think lying fits into games, except for...dictionary, maybe. And Poker...maybe, anyhoo, keep it up front. Don't lie to me." Neleh looks concerned, Chachi is intrigued and John and Tammy look stunned. Vecepia, in "drama denial" pretends not to hear a word. John has some nerve looking concerned, since this has been his own mantra for the last 20-odd days. Tammy tells us, "Some people have said you absolutely shouldn't lie ever, and we should tell everyone before we vote them out. That's a great "idea" but it's not realistic. I'll try not to lie in anyone's face, but I may have to lie once or twice or three times. This is a game about outwitting people, and I intend to play this game and win it." WORD! Truer words have never been spoken on Survivor island. I agree totally with Tammy's intentions. What if Tina told Jerri she was being voted out?? It doesn't make any sense to tell someone that they're next to go. It gives them time to plot and it's also INSULTING. It's an arrogant display of power--that's how Clarence took it, when he cast his last vote for Lex, the idiot who thought he was noble to tell CB he was out.

Chachi is truly an idiot savant. He's Rain Man. He's got the game memorized, but he doesn't *really* understand it. He knows the odds, he knows the angles, but he has no grasp of human behavior. He doesn't understand that he doomed himself back at Maraamu. By alienating Gina, he alienated Paschal and Neleh, he can't possibly gain ANYTHING, by revealing to Zoe that Kath knows about the Smuggly plot to oust Kath INSTEAD OF HIM. But, he loves confrontation. He wants to put Zoe on the spot, so he shanghais Kath and Zoe and asks Zoe point blank if there's a plot to oust Kath. Zoe lies and says no (and JUST LIKE LAST TIME, it's John's "honestly policy" that puts her in this position). "You're amazin', Zoe," Chachi chuckles, to which Zoe replies, "Why thank you." Chachi insists she stop lying and Zoe insists she isn't. Rob then sarcastically imitates her, a surefire way to get someone to talk to you rationally, right? Kath storms, off, disgusted with both of them and their scheming ways. Rob tells Zoe, "I get tired of bein lied too ovuh and ovuh again." He can dish it out just fine, though. This move by Rob is utterly baffling to anyone who thought he was dangerous. All it does is *force* his way out of the Smugglies embrace. Kath jumps in the spring to clear her head. She knows she needs immunity to stay in the game.

Immunity Challenge!

Everyone stands on a wood square in the water. They are tossed about, and can not use their hands to stay on--it's a test of balance and concentration. Neleh, the General and Pappy go first. Neleh takes great delight in V's falling. I like that. She's sweet, but she's got some fire (and maybe just a pinch of spite) and she's gonna need it. Zoe and Sean shake shake shake, shake their booties a bit to show off. Everyone's having fun except the glowering John, who has stripped off his shirt and is wearing a fishing hat pulled down low over his eyes, the brim flipped up. He looks like such a dork, and you can just tell he thinks he looks *intense.* His beard is unflattering, but I'll bet he's grown it out just to show up Rob, who lacks some testosterone or something. Sean falls, as does Zoe. Chachi--yes, he's THIS STUPID--tries to splash someone with water and of course, has to grab the platform for balance. Down he goes. Tammy is out, and now it's just John and Kath. Both keep almost faltering, but both keep recovering. Kath is using her martial arts--and you know what? She DID grow up near the ocean:) And this was the challenge that kept on giving, cuz first Chachi went out by doing something stupid, and now King John reaches down to grab his shirt, I think. Ala Keith, the king of the cheaters, he tries to deny that he actually touched the platform, but Jeff ain't hearing it. Kath wins!!! Jeff seems delighted to place the immunity idol around her neck--I think he's as sick of Chachi as we are:) Zoe seems genuinely pleased that Kath can't be voted off. I think John is scared of his old tribesmen and their pesky likeability, but the others aren't. They'd rather get rid of Chachi and Sean first.

For the 57th time in this episode, Chachi is interviewed. Lord knows what the remaining nine people will be able to tell us about themselves in the coming weeks, once they silence The Mouth. Chachi, failing to see reality, and his own need to conform, babbles, "It's terrible trine tuh live here wit dese people. Ever'one's trine tuh live as one happy family!" Yeah...sounds...bad? Then he has the audacity to say, "Duh way I see it, Kathy ratted me owt tuh Jaahn." Uhmm, actually, I'll bet Zoe told him how you confronted her in front of Kathy, revealing the smuggly alliance and their evil plan! You know, Zoe, the woman you keep antagonizing? Then he smirks, "Jaahn's not as smaht as he tinks he is." Well, takes one to know one, bucko. Then he claims, "you can't have secrets too long in this game," which the history of this game which I know WAAAAAY more than you, Chachi, proves is utter nonsense.

So, Chachi decides to confront John. It's ironic that a young man so in love with his deceit should hang himself with his need for honesty. Rob and Sean ask John who they're gonna vote for. John says he doesn't know and Rob, again, thinking himself a great legal mind says, "But, hold on, I tawt we was gonna get Kathy and dem one by one? What about 'my word is my bond' and all dat stuff?" John looks at him like he's grown two ill-shaven heads, "Uh...yeah, that was before you TOLD Kathy the freakin' plan, dipstick!" Which, of course, Rob out and out denies, which makes John mad, "Don't lie to my face!" The three men continue to shout at one another, with John insisting the old plan would have been in affect if not for Rob's treachery, Sean insisting that HE didn't betray the plan and shouldn't be held responsible, and Rob saying things like, "It's ON!" ALL of this is well within earshot of the other tribe members, who meekly go one with their meal preparations like frightened children of abusive parents, hoping not to be noticed. This is especially true of Vecepia who, to the delight of Survivor Drinking Game players everywhere mutters her catchphrase, "too much DRAMA!" Then John, not sounding "honest" at all, insists that there's really no teams anymore, each vote is individual. How he thinks he can put the alliance back in the bag is beyond me. Sean howls, "It wasn't individual when it was Gabe's turn to go! It was an alliance of seven! It was a coup d'etat with Lyndon Johnson waiting in the wings! [apologies to Oliver Stone] Gabe didn't fit into your plan of global domination so you had him eliminated--with our help!" John insists his hands are clean and he's happy with the decision he has to make tomorrow. What's great about Kath's immunity and Chachi's blunders is it forces John to do what he should have done in the first place: eliminate Rob. The fight spills into the rest of camp. Rob yells at the General, insisting he be honest with him, "Be a man, like Gabe, and tell me if yur votin fer me!" The General replies, "I don' know nuthin' 'bout hatchin' no alliances! I keep my word to myself! I'm just the General and dat's dat!" Uhm...for those of us who don't know you very well, could you elaborate on what exactly "dat" is? Rob thinks he was brilliant, of course, claiming "You're always lookin' fuh angles, and ever one's lyin. yuh know?" He seems positively stoned. Sean tells us he's more mature than Chachi, but just as upset--he and John shared intimate stories about what it's like to be a black man and a gay man, respectively. He thought they had a genuine bond. Sean is learning too late that he'd have been better off swimming with Vecepia than plotting with Chachi.

Later, Kath chuckles, "Now, everything's back to the "love" tribe but who knows who's being real and who isn't? It's flipping me out!" She goes to John , who appears to tell her that the game changes from day to day and that now, today, she can trust him. Something like, "Day one is completely different from day 22 or whatever." Then they hug, but it feels very insincere--these two have clashed from Day One, after all. Kath shakes her head with us, "I guess I have to get into this peculiar mindset, kiss kiss, I love you but...guess what, Tribal Council and you're out!" Well, yeah, Kath, maybe a little.:) I actually really like Kath now. Not just for comic potential but I really am rooting for her. Go figure.

Tribal Council!

Jeff seems almost gleeful as he tells the gang that Rob--or whoever--is the last non-juror in the group. He asks Vecepia if her mindset is different now that there aren't two tribes, only individuals facing off as 10 individuals. Like a student afraid of saying the wrong answer, Vecepia chooses to repeat the question back as an answer: "Well, yes, the mindset has definitely changed. We aren't two tribes anymore. We're competing individually and we're all adversaries. The General is my adversary, Tammy is my adversary, John is my adversary. Of course, the only TRUE adversary is Satan himself, and I have the ultimate immunity necklace in Jesus!" Jeff asks Sean about the mood of the tribe and he says he's fighting for his life. Jeff asks Zoe, "Zoe, why don't you comfort Sean with one of those lies you're so good at telling?" "Be glad to, Jeff. Everyone has there own feelings, and I don't feel the way Sean does but if that's the way he feels...I feel sorry for him." When Jeff asks the General about his game plan, he blathers, "My word is my bond. I am who I am--the General, in case you haven't yet read my arm!" When Jeff asks John about his statements about integrity, John says, "If you come to me, the supreme leader of the tribe, as well as the inner alliance, and ask me to work a deal, then you are morally obligated to live up honor that deal unless I agree IN WRITING that our deal is no longer valid. Then and only then can you escape my petty wrath!" Rob says he's happy with the way he's played, "I have lied continuously in this game. So have dey. Dey won' tell yuh dat, I jus did."

Jeff reveals a new wrinkle with the immunity necklace: you can now give it to someone else if you're secure enough and want to save someone. Kath declines--"Are you freakin' kidding me?? Have you been watching the show?? I really need it and I'm no suckuh!"

I doubt many people will use this option. I see sure fire goners using it: Rodger would have given it to Elisabeth, if he could, for example. Also, Lex probably would have stupidly given it to Brandon when only he wanted to save him. But it seems like, even if you're in an alliance, it might come off as dangerously arrogant to admit you're that confident. Jeff warns them as always that the vote is final and the ejectee must leave the Tribal Council area immediately. Does anyone else wonder what would happen if someone DIDN'T leave the Council area immediately? Are there Jerry Springeresque guards standing off camera? Just a thought.

Off to the delicious vote. Both Rob and Sean vote for John. Sean actually says, "You dissed me, AND my boy. Dat's for you, Dog!" But, although cliche, he at least sounds vaguely menacing as opposed to Chachi who reaches new depths in lamedom when he says, "Catch yuh on duh flipside!" Kath honors her bond with Rob by casting her vote for Zoe, while the rest all vote for Chachi. John smiles like he's soooo confident and amused to see his name come up, but it was fun to see it vanish when it came up a second time. It reveals how insecure the "grand poobah" really is. Then he gloats when Chachi is dismissed. Jeff says, "You SAY you're one big family, and yet you all hate each other--should be a fun few weeks...for our viewers, at any rate!." In his exit speech, Rob implores everyone not to believe anything he said, "Dat's just my personality, I was just kiddin' most uh duh time!" Whatever, dude, hasta la pasta. Evil Chachi joins the good and noble Gretchen, the mean and snarky Jeffy Jeff and the sweet but greedy Clarence as first out after the merge. The last three all quit (essentially) the immunity challenge, even though they obviously really coulda used it.

I wish we could now get rid of King John. I wish I could say he's a Jerri who will soon be usurped by the more noble tribe members. I wish she were even a Lex, who *I* hated, but everyone in the tribe seemed to like, but he got out right before the final two. But I fear he may truly be a cut-rate Rich Hatch, who everyone keeps around because they all think he's a sure-fire ticket to a million dollars. John CANNOT win...or...can he?

Next week, I wish Neleh, Pappy, Kath and Sean could bond to oust John--technically they could do it, and might even be inclined to do it, but they'd need Vecepia, and I don't think she'll go along--not even to save her fellow Christian of Color, Sean (remember, Sean said both things bonded them together in week one). I think V is another Doctor Sean, a number 5 painted squarely on her forehead--I'd love for her to prove me wrong, but next week it's bye bye Sean. If he get immunity--then it's Kath. :( If you'd have told me that either prospect would make me sad a few weeks ago, I would have (rather rudely) laughed in your face. I don't *like* Sean, but he beats King John in my book, any day of the week and twice on Survivor Thursday.

Peace, Christine:)