Survivor Africa week 8--another hour of great television!

Okay, how incredible was that? Survivor is truly a sport--on any given
Thursday, anything can happen. Kelly's expulsion was a stunner! She exits
as the first juror--a spot held previously by weirdly entertaining Greg and
tough but endearing Alicia. Love them or hate them, this is the point in
the series where we lose a pivotal player almost every week. Does ANYONE
know what's gonna happen next week?? It's totally up for grabs---due to
the combination of brilliance and stupidity only reality television can
provide...

Morning at MotoMaji, insert: an animal skull picked clean.

Lex is raving like a maniac: "We had all agreed to do what I had said to
do. I told Clarence that we were ALL voting for him, and some...loser,
some TOTALLY NOT COOL person voted for ME instead! I am so pissed off--or
as we super-hip musicians like to say, I'm "torqued." I know it would be
wise to focus on our strategy, and vote out old Samburu one by one, but
instead, I'm going to devote the next couple of days to smoking out the
evil one. When I find that sorry excuse for a human being? I'm going to
kill them in their sleep! RAAHH!"

I first thought Lex was trying to hard. Then I thought he was a dork.
Then I thought he was kinda cool. Then I thought he was irritating. Then
I thought he was lame. Then I thought he was stupid. Now I know the
truth: Lex is a SERIAL KILLER.

Think back...Rich got *tons* of votes from Pagong. Jerri got voted against
all the time. And say what you will about them (hateful, conniving,
scheming, etc), they didn't *cry* about it! They didn't announce to
everyone: "I'm insecure! I'm vulnerable!" At this stage in the game, you
need to be thinking of everyone else as being on YOUR JURY. And right now,
Lex is even making Brandon look good (by right now, I mean, "ten minutes
into this episode", not "as I right this review"). Very few people have
gone through and not gotten votes: Kelly from season one...I *believe* Tina
din't get any either. Everyone else, Colby, Rudy, Stoopid Sue,
Keith...they carried their votes with at least a modicum of dignity...

Lex is hissing at Kelly the next morning, as they try to figure out who
voted against Lex, and Kelly *logically* rules out old Boron. To the
camera, she wonders, "Did Lex ever *watch* Survivor? People get voted
against, that's the game." Lex assures Kelly, "Whosoever has poisoned our
idyllic GREAT SOCIETY, where I am Overlord, they are getting voted out,
strategy be damned! Was it you, Kelly? Are you the usurper!? NO!? SWEAR
ON YOUR BROTHER'S LIFE! Triple swear! Quadruple swear! Swear Infinity!"

Early in the season, Lex told Ethan how he and Tom knew they could count on
each other because both had "sworn on their kids lives." Lex is childish
and creepy. I mean, when you're an adult, your word should be your word.
If you need to soup it up by bringing your loved ones into it, it probably
isn't that strong to begin with.

Kelly makes her second "Stop trying to be my DAD" remark, perhaps a trip to
a family counselor is on tap for Kelly when she gets back to the states.
Brandon doesn't know who voted for Lex, "But I love it! Someone just
wanted to mess with his head--and it turned out to be remarkably easy!
Which gives me an idea..." Brandon makes Lex angry for not wearing black
at breakfast to mourn the end of Lex's voteless status. Brandon tweaked
him a bit by going on and on about what a great day it is. Lex raves some
more about "We had a plan! My plan was supposed to be everyone's plan! I
expected to get a vote from CB--only because Survivor rules stipulate that
you can't vote for yourself...but that second vote was BLASPHEMY!" Lex is
*exactly* like Lindsey and Silas here, indignant that people who *will not
benefit* from following them are trying to go their own way. Why should
old Samburu stick with him? If Lex hadn't become obsessed with this vote,
wouldn't Frank or Brandon be next? And then Kim and then T-Bird? Why
shouldn't they put up a fight? If Lex was even borderline, he could figure
this out--it has to be someone from Samboohoo--but he's psychotic, so he
can't.

Teresa feels kind bad for voting for Lex, "Well, I feel right sorry about
it now, I didn't mean nothin' by it, that's for certain. Lex *is* 38 years
old, he is a father--I made the mistake of assuming that meant he was a
grown-up." Lex tells Teresa, "I'm just gonna let it slide and let them
hang themselves. I know it wasn't you. The voices in my gut are telling
me to trust you, so I will. But I am gonna find out who voted against me
and I am gonna break their neck." Teresa decides not to tell Lex she voted
for him, "My momma didn't raise no fool! It's such a new and strange
sensation, not being straight with someone...but Lex might strangle me to
death if I tell the truth!"

Reward challenge, Kelly reads the haiku:

Jump onto a board
Fill your basket with trinkets
Win goats to barter

The poem comes with a little musical instrument that doesn't actually have
anything to do with the challenge. Lex monopolizes it because he's the
leader AND a musician. The challenge requires them to jump on a
springboard to put a bunch of objects in a basket. Winner goes into town
with a pair of goats to trade for goods, whilst learning a bit about
African culture.

Ethan is beautiful. Er, what I mean to say, Ethan is beautiful AT THE
GAME, and he wins:D The next day, everyone gives him some American crap he
can barter for African crap. Jeff saunters up in his sexy cowboy hat, and
I'm all jazzed because I think it's gonna be Jeff and Ethan's Excellent
African Adventure, but Jeff doesn't go :( Instead, he lets Ethan pick
someone to go with him and he picks...

Lex >:( Because, Ethan says, Lex came in second place, "And, of course,
I'm afraid of what he might do if insult him in any way," Ethan continues.
Frank *jokes* to Ethan that he should trade Lex, and Frank is my friend
again. Lex tells us about the trip into town, "It was INCREDIBLE. The
whole point of OUR mission is for US to trade OUR goats--" Lex, it's
Ethan's reward, BACK OFF! The African villagers are amused as Lex and
Ethan struggle to get the goats off the truck. They go around trying to
sell the goats, and LEX decides they should take 1600 shillings from this
guy who takes them straight to a butcher--I wonder how much they'd have
gotten if they'd gone straight there--or even asked what they were worth.
Lex tells us, "We had an entourage, we were being stared at--it was a dream
come true for me!"

So, they go this restaurant and buy ONE beer, ONE soda (for a wonder, it
WAS NOT Mountain Dew), and TWO orders of French fries. It costs them 1000
shillings. It costs them more than one goat. That CAN'T be right. I
mean, more power to the Wamba people and everything, but it seems our boys
got hosed. Ethan gets immediately sick and has to use a *scary* bathroom.
Lex is too FREAKING COOL to get diarrhea, man. A local man offers to help
Ethan and Lex get good deals around town. Lex challenges him, "Will you be
fair with us? Do you swear on your CHILDREN?! Because if you are snake
trying to poison our shopping trip, I will trade you this pair of
sunglasses for a knife and then I will cut your head off with it!!"

Bartering aplenty. Ethan trades the shirt off his back, but sadly, he's
wearing another one underneath. Then he plays hackysack with a bunch of
little kids. Then he gives his hacky sack--his luxury item--to a little
kid. Sigh. Ethan's the neatest boy EVER.

back at camp, T-Bird takes advantage of a Lexless camp to try and unite
what's left of old Samburu. Frank doesn't trust the kids, but realizes he
doesn't have much of a choice at this point. The boys return. Lex vows
not to rub anyone's nose in how much fun they had, "Because that just ISN'T
COOL and COOL is how I have chosen to live my life. They distribute candy
and cookies to the rest of the tribe. Brandon looks up adoringly at Ethan
and says, "Ethan, I--I mean WE, the whole tribe, WE love you!" I'd make
fun of him, but who am I to cast stones? If I were on Survivor, I'd have
done the same thing, and some other snarky girl would have posted *her*
review to *her* friends, complaining about how pathetic and lovestruck I
am. Everyone fawns over Ethan--the reward challenge winner--and not so
much over tag-a-long Lex, who mutters, "Of course, Ethan got all the
credit, even though I did a lot of the trading myself. Don't get me wrong,
he deserves it. But still, everyone's on MY LIST."

Kelly and Lil Kim get water, and Kim tells Kelly that T-Bird is convinced
that Lex thinks kelly voted against him. Kim is trying to win kelly over
to their side, but Kelly isn't swayed: "Yeah, sure, Lex bugs the
everloving crap out of me, but it would be soooo unimaginably stupid to go
against my tribe right now, seeing as we have the numbers to get rid of all
the Samburans one by one and they can't do anything about it. Why mess
with a good thing?" Kelly does give them props for throwing their votes at
Lex though, and chooses not to warn him of the plan against him...

Immunity challenge--no poem! My universe is crumbling!!!!!

It's a memory game. Frank and the Kim's are out first. Then Kelly and
T-bird, then Lex. Brandon, Frank and Ethan remain. When Jeff praises
Brandon's work, he shamelessly flirts with Mr. Probst, who looks
*uncomforable.* Ethan wins the immunity he doesn't need, seeming very
Colbyesque at this point. Remember Ethan, in the past, the person that has
won the most challenges: Kelly in season one and Colby in season 2 were
runners-up for the big prize. However, I suppose you have to try and get
it, if for no other reason than to keep it away from the person you WANT to
vote out. Had Kelly won immunity, Brandon or Frank would be out of there.
Then maybe Lex would have cooled off, and Kelly could have straightened
things out with him. That would have been so....

Boring :D

Ethan makes breakfast with his nerdy glasses on, sigh...Meanwhile, Brandon
plays Iago to OthelLex, whispering that Kelly has been untrue! Lex is
wild-eyed by this time, and takes Tom out to the field for what will go
down in Survivor history as:

"The Meeting of the Minds"

One mind diseased with paranoia and self-adoration, the other...just a few
Mountain Dews short of a reward challenge picnic. Lex tells Tom what
Brandon "overheard," namely, that Kelly has gone over to the other side.
"My worst fears have been realized," he laments, "I've been betrayed by one
of my own! I suppose it happens to all great leaders eventually, but it is
still so FREAKING UNCOOL!" Because, let's get this straight people, Lex
believes this because he WANTS to believe it. Kelly doesn't kiss his
tattooed ass, therefore the *only* possible explanation is, she's plotting
against him, and thus, must be punished immediately. Tom tells us, "We
hain't got no concrete proof, bet all inications sure do point a' Kelly. I
hayt tuh goh agin' one of my own, but ah'd rathu do that then think fer
mysef!" Lex goes on to say, "I have decreed that Brandon shall be fifth to
go out , in place of Kelly. Fifth from the top--meaning, fifth down from
me." Like this is some great honor that Lex has the power to bestow. "You
know my gut is good, " Lex reminds Tom, who can't argue with that, "I
reckon his gut's sure nuff smarter'n mah head, I tell you wut! I'll sure
feel bad iffn' I fahnd out we's wrung about Kelly." Then, when Tom can't
figure out how the voting will come down, Lex helps him count to five.

Kelly asks Lex who they are all going to vote for, and Lex--so enamored
with his code of honor, doesn't straight out accuse her of voting for him.
He is very vague, mumbling something about, "If the votes splinter, so be
it. I couldn't find out who cast that one insignificant vote against me,
so now I don't care what happens." Which tells Kelly he IS voting against
her. Which sends her spinning off to Samburu to VOTE FOR HIM. He creates
the whole situation in his head--a self-fulfilling prophesy. This like an
aesop's fable come to life--or at least a moralizing episode of "The
Twilight Zone." If he wasn't such an idiot, he'd tell her they were voting
for Frank or something, which would protect him from being ousted if
Brandon turned. But Brandon *must* be trust worthy because Brandon has
been bowing to the god of Lex. And Lex *honestly* doesn't even consider
that he's getting lots of votes from the others tonight, I bet. Actually,
he's not even considering what anyone else is going to do. Nothing is more
important than Lexie's widdle feelings. Voting for Kelly will make the
voices go away, at least for a little while...

There's a scene in "Return of the Jedi," where Luke warns the Emperor,
"Your overconfidence is your weakness." and The Emperor sneers back, "Your
faith in your friends is yours!" Which is very Survivor-appropriate, as
both can cost you the game.

Kelly tells Lil Kim she's voting for Lex with Samburu. Kim is stoked, and
assures her that if the Samburu plan changes, she'll be notified. Lil Kim
is growing on me. Lil Kim tells T-Bird that Kelly's with them, and they
share a patented and copyrighted Survivor "Can I TRUST you?!" moment. Lil
Kim pick's up a leaf, which blows away to symbolize the ever-changing
nature of the game. Brandon realizes he has the power to decide who
leaves: Kelly or Lex.

At tribal council, Jeff calls attention to Ethan's dominance in the
challenges, and he does his, "Aw shucks, I'm just so grateful to have the
opportunity to experience Africa" thing. Jeff asks Tom about the gossiping
that went on in Ethan and Lord Lex's absence. Tom says "everwun wuhs
talkin a everun else, runnin arown' lek cheekin's wih thar hayds cut off."
Since we only saw Teresa talking to Brandon and Lil Kim, one wonders what
CBS is hiding from us--I'd guess plenty. Jeff wonders if Lex was surprised
by the votes cast against him, and Lex says, "Well, of course I was! Look
at me, what's not to love? Getting those two votes made me so angry. I
decided to make it my mission to show everyone at MotoMaji what a crazy,
paranoid, vulnerable, distracted and easily-manipulated tool I really am."
Then Jeff makes fun of Lex, "Everyone here always says that getting votes
is part of the game, it isn't personal--isn't that what you told Clarence?
And I've seen oodles of players handle getting votes it with indifference,
maturity, and calm. But you, the self-appointed King of Cooltown, turned
into a big baby about it--what gives?" Everyone shares a laugh at Lex's
expense. Lex shrugs, "Redressing this minor slight against me is much more
important than the big picture, Jeff," he snarls.

Lex is Richard Nixon. The VAST majority of America votes him in to office
by a landslide, and he blows it by becoming obsessed with his enemies--who
were powerless to defeat him. Only he could do that.

The vote: Lex has his crazy-eyes glaring as he proudly votes out the one
who he is sure betrayed him, "If I'm wrong, sorry, but my gut is telling me
you're a rat." I'd trust Tom's buttcrack over Lex's gut any day of the
week and twice on Survivor Thursday. kelly votes for Lex, and signs her
name to it, "I hate you Lex, always have, always will." Brandon votes for
Kelly, "Let's face it, this isn't the first time I've played both
sides--just ask my ex-wife!" Kelly is ousted 5-4. Jeff looks at the
remaining eight, "I'm very disappointed in you, go back to your camp of
SHAME!"

Some thoughts. Voting out Clarence only made sense to me because they had
a 6-4 advantage--getting rid of him didn't hurt them. Now, it's a
monumental blunder, as is this decision. Even if Boron *knew for a fact*
that Kelly had voted for Lex, they should have waited to get rid of her
until next week, having ousted Frank or whoever. Instead, they have now
created a scenario in which the now vote-drenched Lex is susceptible to
being eliminated with a tie vote. Colby and Tina hated Jerri's guts, but
waited until week 9 to get rid of her, because they need her to vote their
way.

Brandon went from hero to zero in this one: His manipulation of Lex was
genius, and, in the context of helping Samburu survive--almost noble. But
then he reverts to being a brainless slug. Does he really think he has
more cache with Boron then with Samburu? To Boron, he is only a pawn to be
used to eliminate his tribesmen--they'll keep T-bird longer than they will
him. T-bird is loyal. To Boron, Brandon is a married guy they had a fling
with--all they really know about him for sure is: he'll cheat on his wife.
Now, he's lost even Lil Kim's respect. Badly played, Brandon. You could
have even won Frank over by axing Lex.

Old Kim and Ethan. The omission of any scenes with Old Kim and Ethan
discussing Kelly's "betrayal" or their votes, is glaring. Something's
afoot here. I've lost some respect for them here, but look at it this way:
going into the vote they know that Lex is getting four votes, and Kelly's
getting three--no matter what happens, it's a member of Boron that's going
out. Lex and Tom's stupidity pact has assured that. So, they have to vote
out Kelly--Lex is loyal to them, and he's arranged it so that Kelly is
effectively a member of old Samburu.

Next week, one of four things happens: 1) Brandon sides with Old Boron
(perhaps having gotten immunity), eliminating Frank. 2) Boron tricks
Brandon: they all vote for him, he votes for Frank, Samburu votes for Lex,
Brandon's out. 3) Brandon rejoins Samburu, and votes out Lex--this is the
smartest thing he could do. He will last longer. If he helps Boron oust
Frank, they will oust him the week after, almost guaranteed if he returns
to Samburu, they will get rid of Lex, Tom and maybe even Ethan, if they
can, before they get rid of him. 4) Lex wins immunity, Brandon still
rejoins Samburu, and they vote out Tom, who has at least three votes and is
also vulnerable in a tie. Old Kim floats under the radar in almost all
scenarios--ALA Rodger.

I'm pulling hard for the evil Lex being ousted, and it's not *just* wishful
thinking and here's why. Teresa can ruin Brandon's friendship with Lex by
revealing that she voted for Lex, turning him against Brandon, giving him
no choice *but* to vote with Samburu, to save his own skin. Just a
thought. Either way, i don't see Lex or Brandon winning the whole bag of
Doritos--stupid people just don't win "Survivor!"

Two weeks ago, most of you were disturbed the most by Silas's college
credentials. This week's questions:

Lex will try to cash in on his "Survivor" fame by re-naming his band:

A) MotoMaji
B) Uberspoon!
C) The Gut-Trusters
D) Lex Van and the Immunity Idols

Fasten your seatbelts, next week is gonna rock!
Peace, Christine ;)

..
All indications being: Lex says so.