X-Files 8.20 "Essence," 8.21 "Existence" & 9.1 "Nothing Important Happened Today" VERY BRIEF.

It is sooooooooo over.

The X-Files two-parter was so terrible that I've been putting off
re-watching it for like, six months.

The show has lost all sense of itself, of storytelling and, with the debut
of season nine, dignity.

The two-parter was just a cheap amalgam of previous cliffhanger chases,
unstoppable aliens, blah blah blah. Who cares? Carter has cried "truth is
out there" too many times, who'll come running?

I honestly can't muster the energy to recap. The finale had all kinds of
obvious religious imagery relating Scully's baby to Christ, but this is
film school *symbolism* devoid of any possible meaning. As I said *all
last season* Carter doesn't understand the difference between suspense and
jerking around his audience. And he thinks he's a genius, or, at the very
least, that NOT giving the fans what they deserve is somehow...powerful?

Mulder constantly refers to Scully's baby as *her child* then at the end of
the end of the finale they share a passionate kiss which seems to indicate
VERY STRONGLY that they had indeed conceived the child together, but that's
still none of our business. The fact that the two leads, these two
partners, soul-mates, *made love* is not to be shared with us? Whatever.
It's insulting, and worse, it's bad television.

In the first part of the finale, ONLY DOGGETT doesn't believe Krycek's
explanation about Scully's miracle baby, and at one point, Skinner and
Mulder *hand* Scully over to ratboy. Next week--or in show time, TEN
MINUTES LATER they are calling him a liar and a scumbag. Skinner kills him
(Carter says "allegedly" oooooooh, no way, he could be alive? Genius!).

Everyone runs around saying trust no one, but Scully trusts the menacing
"baby nurse" that Scully's suddenly stupid mother hires (and we all knew
she was bad because she's played by a name actress), they trust Krycek,
Moonbeam Reyes trusts the sheriff who pokes around the secret birthing
ghost town( don't even ask) who OF COURSE turns out to be bad. Nothing
comes of that though, the baby is born and everyone walks away, the baby is
normal---except now it isn't so why, if the baddies are so determined this
season to hurt Scully and her child THIS YEAR didn't they just kill Reyes
and Scully and the baby when they had the chance?

The baby is named William, Scully says to Mulder "after your father"
another *BIG HINT* that the baby is his, but this is a ridiculous thing to
say since it's also HER father AND brother's name, sheesh.

In a laughable attempt at "defining" his character, Dogg LITERALLY, I am
not making this up, watches a NASCAR race on TV while cleaning his gun.

Mulder, though fired, wanders around crime scenes being a jerk, the other
agents frown--why don't they arrest him?

The premiere of season nine is even worse than I imagined. We have a new
opening sequence with four leads, Scully, Dogg, Reyes & Skinner. I now
believe Gillian stuck around only because she wanted one damn year where
she was the highest paid actor on the show.

We get Lucy Lawless popping out of her dress and then a shot of her later
walking away from us nude. Reyes wakes up to answer the phone and holds a
sheet around her naked body, we see her bare back as she chats with her old
boyfriend, Cary Elwes, doing a pretty bad American accent. If this worked
for you, congratulations, you're a fourteen year-old boy. Anyone want to
take a bet to see how long until they have Reyes going undercover as a
hooker? This show used to be above that, but no more.

Shows always dip into melodrama too late--if Mulder or Scully had an ex
show up as their Bureau boss we'd have eaten it up. But does anyone care
about Reyes?? She's kooky and she smokes cigarettes...that's it folks, I
don't know anything else about her. Dogg we know is a Tough New York cop
who drives a truck and watches duh races and his son died and...whatever.
Now he's the new Mulder--a loner in the FBI who's finishing out his
assignment in the X-Files--why hasn't Kersh closed them down, exactly???
And is Kersh worth all this? He's no Cancerman. He's kinda snotty but
he's not evil.

Reyes meets up with her old lover who actually says, "How long has it been,
two years?" Ay yi yi, exposition can be tricky but you can do better than
that...I guess not.

Mulder's absence is explained by a terminally sad and bitter Scully, "he's
just gone, it makes sense in its own way." Oh you're a genius, Chris
Carter. making Mulder look like a coward, a cad and a deadbeat
dad--brilliant!

Skinner is now a complete wimp, fretting about getting caught, paling in
comparison to the Good and Noble John Q. Doggett, whatever.

This terrible script is written by Carter and Spotnitz, who reveal just how
much the departed (Glen and Darin Morgan, James Wong, Alex Gansa, etc.) had
to do with the show's success now that they are in almost total control.
Carter wrote almost all of last years scripts and they were dreadful. This
one, 9.1, was boring, silly and childishly profane, peppered with all sorts
of sex references, "ass" here, "piss" there, because that means its
"edgy"...right?

The Lone Gunmen come by and OF COURSE, there's a joke referring to the
cancellation of their spin-off, hey Carter, if ANYONE GAVE A CRAP, the show
wouldn't have been canned, now would it?

Oh yeah, Scully's baby? Probably a super hero clone baby with scary
powers. Greeeeat.

If I continue this review, it may be only to pass on a particularly awful
line of dialogue, we'll see. I certainly won't be taking copious notes
anymore, it's just not worth it.

Because "The X-Files" that was worth talking about is dead. :(

If you want to watch something cool, check out it's time-slot rival "Alias"
on ABC.

Or just check out.

Peace, Christine :)