Survivor Africa Week 2 <:0

Yawn. The voting doesn't usually heat up until week four or five,
remember. Right now, it's about eliminating the weakest links (no, NBC
legal, I am NOT infringing on a copy right!).

So, I was totally wrong about Frank going, seems he has a little alliance
going. Just ask him, or never mind, just go wander within...TEN MILES of
him, and you can hear him bellowing about his SECRET.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself here.

Last week, I can't believe I missed out on pointing out on a milestone: in
the first vote, Diane spelled Clarence, "Clanence." Our first misspelled
name! Sigh, I love it. Future milestones to look for : "It just...isn't
fun anymore." and "It's your time to go."

First season had more mysterious and random voting, which was fun--a person
getting only two or three votes was ejected. Now, there's all this pesky
agreement within the tribes.

The episode starts with Boran (worst tribe name ever) and Clarence
referring to tribal council as 45 minutes of hell--hey that's 5 minutes of
great television for America, CB, suck it up! Clarence informs us there's
nothing worse than hearing Jeff say your name...I think it'd be
delightful;)

We get a rare "that very same night" conversation after the vote, instead
of the morning after talks, as Jessie and Clarence talk about the vote.
Clarence continues to distance himself from beancangate, "People need to
know if their tribesman is a crook...well I'm not a crook!" Jessie ain't
trying to hear that, nor will she feel sorry for him over Diane's
"betrayal." YOU ATE THE EVERLOVING BEANS CLARENCE!!! Just me a man and
say you're sorry like a freakin' adult! Jessie wonders what he's learned
and CB maintains that he's "too nice."

I hate Clarence Black.

Back at Samburu, Frank tells everyone what to do. His Executive Officer,
Carl, keeps detailed performance reviews, and it turns out, the kids ain't
all right. The tribe is split down the middle--Gen X vs. the Baby Boomers
(silas, at 21, may technically be Gen Y, depending on your interpretation,
the cutoff is 81 I think, but I've read 77). Both groups are actually
quite arrogant and insufferable, but, if you're going to be arrogant, maybe
it should be about working. If I were in Africa and Frank and Carl were
barking orders at me, I'd tell them to back off, but I would do what they
said because, and this may sound silly Brandon and Young Kim, but I'd want
to appear "useful."

Does Brandon serve any earthly purpose at all? Shouldn't he be
condescending to customers at a gap somewhere?

Despite the age-divide, Samburu wins the reward challenge quite easily, and
makes off with some food, blankets, lanterns etc. The challenge was cool
and inventive--and physically grueling. Old Kim (sorry, it's old Kim and
young Kim, that's the best I can do) falls flat on her face.

She apologizes to Boron for losing the challenge, but it seemed to me half
the tribe was lollygagging on that last leg. Still, Kim offers no excuses
and vows that it will never happen again. She owns her mistake and the
tribe tells her not to worry about it, they like and are proud to serve
with her.

Clarence looks on, uncomprehending.

Jessie is all dried out but won't drink the nasty tasting water. Everyone
tries to help her but she won't listen. Okay Jessie, I'm fussy too, which
is why I'll probably never go to Africa. You signed up for this, drink the
FREAKING WATER.

"Sure the water is nasty," Clarence offers, "but out here, you have to
think of the rest of the team and what you're doing to them when you're
weak. Is there anything more noble than opening a can of beans for a sick
tribesman, and then eating most of it yourself? I don't think so. It's
like on a plane, they tell you to put on YOUR mask first, then help the
others. That what CB's all about--helping others."

Back at Samburu, the old people alliance (it's all relative, boomers,
relax) seems strong. Teresa tells us, "I like the kids, but they must be
destroyed, lazy whining little---hello Lindsay!" Actually, I like Teresa,
and she's wisely befriended Lindsay and the other young turks. If the
youth vote wins out, she has the best chance of hanging in with them.

The old alliance might be hardworking, but the memo to Silas about their
alliance, cc: Lindsay, Kim and Brandon? Bad idea. Clarence tells
everyone, "Water run, only three people need to go. Me, Frank and...SILAS!
Yes SILAS you are the one who is going to go off with Frank and I to GET
WATER. C'mon SILAS let's go!" The others can tell something's afoot--why
not insist on going with them? Now would be a perfect time for Lindsay to
say, "I'm going too, I haven't done my share lately." instead, she stews
back at camp with the lazy kids.

Frank and Carl tell Silas that Frank, Carl, Teresa and Linda are a powerful
four person alliance, and it would be such an honor, so wise of Silas, to
help them vote of the other kids. While I agree that Brandon and Kim are
the weakest members, I would love to see Silas somehow betray them ( he
actually has no power unless one of the Four turns on the others), just
because they are so danged smug about how powerful they are. And Silas is
an idiot if he thinks being the fifth (Silas IS a perfect Sean, actually)
is any great honor, but he tells them, "Sure I'll be your tool, to use
against my friends only to be discarded in the end."

At Boron, the line seems to be drawn not along age but gender lines, as the
big strong men bring water and the girls watch. Lex tells Ethan, "Me and
Tom found this secret fort? And we have this secret club...and like, I'm
the president and Tom is the vice-president and you can be the treasurer if
you wanna, you wanna? Huh? Please, please please?"

But Ethan has one major flaw--he has no children to swear by, therefore,
his word is no good.

Back at Samburu, Lindsay is furious--in the words of Frida, she knows
there's something going on. Kinda hard not to when Frank tells Silas, "
YOU GOTTA VOTE ALL THOSE USELESS KIDS OUT OF HERE, STARTING WITH KIM AND
BRANDON. YOU ARE OUR SECRET WEAPON, A SPY IN THE ENEMY CAMP!"

I'm glad Frank's not in the military anymore, I'd hate to see him in
Afghanistan "NOW, MEN, OSAMA BUN LADEN IS HIDING IN ONE OF THESE CAVES. WE
DON'T WANT HIM TO KNOW WE ARE HERE!"

Lindsay gets all upset, "They're forming an alliance that's stronger than
mine! Isn't their some sort of rule against this sort of thing?" She
cries to Teresa, who says "I cannot tell a lie, there's an alliance."

You'd expect maturity to lead to some sort of craftiness, but the Boomers
are too drunk with power to be sly--they WANT the kids to know of their
plan, to punish them for being so young and pretty--I mean, so lazy;) It
just might backfire. Teresa reminds me of Tina, and I could see her
banding with Silas and Lindsay to get rid of, say, Frank at some point, the
way she Colby and Keith banded together to eliminate Mitch.

I think one of the things I like about Survivor is that, as much as Silas
irritates me (it hurts to watch him try and think, don't it?), a show like
Survivor gives him power--over people a lot smarter than he is, at least in
the traditional sense. It's still early in the game kids, and anything can
happen. Why soon, we may even start to like some of these people!

Immunity challenge time, and it's the gross food challenge. Man, did they
out do themselves this time. Jeff introduces the TV tribes to some real
African tribesman, one of whom he refers to as his friend...CHARLES. Fess
up, who saw THAT coming? The men demonstrate how they trap a cow, prick
its neck, drain a little blood to drink and then let the cow go with a
bandage on its neck.

Jeff mixes the blood with a little milk--Hey, Kool-Aid!? The tribe is
paired off, and everyone's up for the challenge. Lex goes twice as Boron
is one person down. In the tie-breaker, each tribe chooses a member form
the other tribe to chug down a larger glass of blood (not chased with milk
this time) and Linda and Kelly throw down. Linda drinks the blood faster
than Kelly, Boron must go to tribal council AGAIN.

Boron needs to pull it together and win some freakin immunity to keep
things interesting? Not so fast. Worst case, if Boron loses all four
remaining immunities, and only two merge with Samburu--wouldn't those two
be adopted into the weak GEN X tribe? It's Survivor, kids, lots of
variables and permeantations, don't fret!

Boron is disappointed in so-called sorority girl Kelly, who couldn't
chug-a-lug when it really mattered. Clarence seems to think that running
her down to Tom makes him look good...OK. Actually, it just tells Tom that
CB still needs to be learned wut's wut.

Tom tells the boys he wants Clarence around for his strength. Ethan hates
Clarence, and hates the idea of losing one of the girl's to keep his sorry
ass--but strong back, around.

At tribal council, Jeff once again gives Clarence a chance to be a man and
Clarence ducks it, "I did NOT have gastronomical relations with that
beancan!" Which doesn't sit well with Ethan, but he still votes out
Jessie. Jessie is voted out 5-2 Jessie and Tom vote for Clarence.
Clarence is screwed in a tie-break, at this rate. Some people believe that
Tom writes CB because he can't spell Clarence either, but ol' Tom is just
sending Clarence a message. Tom is still forgiving--but not forgetting!

Tom's "I'm a father figure" statement is interesting, especially in light
of the scenes for next week which involve him dancing around and showing
more buttcrack. The kind of father-figure you don't talk about and don't
invite to the wedding.

So, proving that the show isn't rigged by the network, Survivor loses it's
hot Latina sheriff--proving that law enforcement officers don't do so well
(Deb...Mad Dog?). Jessie is voted off in the BB and Kel spot I had
reserved for Frank of CB, but she's really more of a Ramona or a Mitch,
cast-off because they can't hack the brutal conditions of SURVIVOR!

Next week, let's hope Boron wins immunity. If they don't, Clarence HAS to
go. The girl's won't vote for one another, and Ethan won't vote to save
Clarence one more time. A tie eliminates CB because of existing votes. At
Samburu, I'd expect to see Young Kim go, or maybe Brandon? Tune in next
week! Christine:)